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Posted at 11:43 AM ET, 06/ 5/2008

Puff Piece: Three Things for Thursday

By Liz Kelly

The celebrity world isn't exactly being rocked by much this week (unless you're in the minority of readers interested in Brangelina Baby-gate) and I'm on semi-unofficial-vacation. According to my "Writing Celebritology Handbook" this confluence of events calls for only one thing: a mish-mash of random items that call for little concentration on your part (or mine), but aspires to give one and all a good chuckle and allow us to engage in the finely-tuned art of Celebritological schadenfreude:

1

Lily Allen (right) and actress Minnie Mouse Jaime Winstone in London yesterday:


(Getty Images)

2

Who Knew? Mary-Kate Olsen is apparently complex enough to warrant her own profile in July's Elle. Behold the depth of this woman's perception: "I don't know why I wear some of the things I wear. I like wearing crazy things sometimes."

3

Your suggestions for Naming Gwyneth Paltrow's not-yet-conceived Third Child (culled from the comments portion of Tuesday and Wednesday's Morning Mixes):

Rowan N. Martin
Purple Martin
Aston Martin
Lockheed Martin
Remy Martin
S Martin
Dean Martin
Kay Martin
Doc Martin
Andrea Martin
Steve Martin
Uncle Martin
Wall Martin
Mini Martin

Bonus: Gwyneth Paltrow-related Comment of the Week:
"Owe the humanity!" -- Posted by: Gwynnie Von Hindenberg

Okay, talk amongst yourselves.

By Liz Kelly  | June 5, 2008; 11:43 AM ET
Categories:  Miscellaneous  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Morning Mix: TomKat Headed to Big Apple
Next: Morning Mix: Clint Eastwood to Spike Lee: 'Shut Your Face'

Comments

FIRST!!!!!!!!!!

team linsey
team dina!
team clay
team angelina!

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 5, 2008 11:37 AM | Report abuse

(1) Could be movie stills from PEE WEE'S BRIT ADVENTURE.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 5, 2008 11:45 AM | Report abuse

at first i thought lily borrowed her hair from britney... then i realized she's one step crazier, she actually dyed her hair that color.

Lily: "You know, I would totally rock that bow!"

Jaime: "She's still looking at my head, isn't she?"

Posted by: b | June 5, 2008 11:53 AM | Report abuse

Wow, I agree with the Olson munchi-chi. I don't know why she wears what she wears sometimes either. Of course, I am not the one looking in her closet in the morning (mornings are bad enough without that horror).

Posted by: ep | June 5, 2008 11:53 AM | Report abuse

Who says it's a slow day in the world of celebrity: 1) Jenny McCarthy and some guy she is dating named Jim Carrey (I hear he was supposedly popular last decade) were in Washington yesterday to bring attention to autism. 2) ET supposedly knew story about Jolie baby was untrue before they ran it. 3) Photog arrested for stalking Jamie Lynn Spears.

Posted by: woodbridge, | June 5, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

I don't think I'm smart enough to read this Elle profile of Mary-Kate Olsen. I'm only on the first screen and have come to a screeching halt at the word "douroucouli." ?

Posted by: td | June 5, 2008 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Does the profile explain why she always looks as though she's about to burst into tears?

Posted by: Angela | June 5, 2008 12:02 PM | Report abuse

Am I the only one who thought this post would be about P Diddy?

Posted by: Osteph | June 5, 2008 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Puff Piece: Three things for the man with many names

1) Is he dating Cameron?? You decide.

2) Will he stop trying to act? Only we can hope.

3) Naomi to Puff in Cannes:
"Your words hurt more than my cellphone!"

Posted by: Osteph | June 5, 2008 12:07 PM | Report abuse

OK, I'm done reading about Mary-Kate. While I still dont know what a douroucouli is, I do know why I don't read Elle -- because I'm a guy and because I don't like wasting 10 minutes of my life reading boring articles.

Posted by: td | June 5, 2008 12:07 PM | Report abuse

name the kid

marvin the


it might work with the cockney accents

Posted by: ballston dude | June 5, 2008 12:10 PM | Report abuse

dou·rou·cou·li [door-uh-koo-lee]

-noun
a small, nocturnal South American monkey of the genus Aotus, having large, owllike eyes: in danger of extinction.

Posted by: michael | June 5, 2008 12:19 PM | Report abuse

TD, all you need to know is that Elle unceremoneously booted out their fashion editor, Nina Garcia, earlier this year.

So now, you're getting puff pieces written by writers like Kevin Sessums. Whomever is editing Elle these days must be on Prozac (Proze? Ack!) For example:

"Believe me, trapeze school was Mary-Kate's idea. I had e-mailed her a few days before and suggested we see the Philip Glass opera Satyagraha at the Met or peruse the Christian Louboutin show at the FIT museum."

Let's go see a Philip Glass opera?

"In staking out her style she has become the latest in a long line of fashion It Girls that includes Suzy Parker, Ali MacGraw, Penelope Tree, Edie Sedgwick, and Isabella Blow.... But Mary-Kate is an anomaly in this lineage. She is not only a tastemaker but also a taste macher."

You seem to be comparing MK to a Mentos.

"Do you feel you're sexy?" I ask. "The affirmations you get as a child star are so different from the ones I presume one seeks as a woman."

Kevin, you're gay, aren't you?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 5, 2008 12:24 PM | Report abuse

God bless you, michael! I didn't want to have to look it up and knew I couldn't go the whole day without knowing what a douroucouli was.

How about "Rowan And" for not-yet-conceived Paltrow/Martin spawn? That gives her/him both first and middle name and a good nickname, as well. Baby RAM.

Posted by: methinks | June 5, 2008 12:25 PM | Report abuse

dou·rou·cou·li [door-uh-koo-lee]

-noun
a small, nocturnal South American monkey of the genus Aotus, having large, owllike eyes: in danger of extinction.

Posted by: michael | June 5, 2008 12:19 PM

Would the picture in the illustrated dictionary strongly resemble a Trolsen twin?

Posted by: jes | June 5, 2008 12:27 PM | Report abuse

ooh, if they name their not-yet-conceived-spawn Rowan And Martin and call him RAM, they'll have a Biblical trifecta...Apple (As in the fruit that cause the downfall of mankind), Moses (you know, the guy played by Charleton Heston--RIP), and RAM (the animal killed as a substitute for Issac on Mt. Horeb.)

Posted by: methinks | June 5, 2008 12:27 PM | Report abuse

Liz Kelly is on semi-unofficial-vacation. Funny, that's what I call my daily trips to Celebritology. They used to be referred to mental health visits, but then luvlinsey and rk showed up.

Posted by: jes | June 5, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Isn't a "semi-unofficial-vacation" one where you sit around in your basement with inflatable palm trees?

Or, perhaps it's one where you drive around LA with your feet on the dashboard of your boyfriend's Range Rover.

Or, perhaps you're just having your "committed passive recover."

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 5, 2008 12:35 PM | Report abuse

I kind of feel bad for Lily Allen. She seems to have started falling apart after her miscarage and I am starting to wonder if the media should give her the space it EVENTUALLY gave Britney Spears.

Posted by: MGC | June 5, 2008 12:37 PM | Report abuse

Isn't a "semi-unofficial-vacation" one where you sit around in your basement with inflatable palm trees?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 5, 2008 12:35 PM

That or a Flashee honeymoon.

Posted by: michael | June 5, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

the next gwyneth baby needs to be something biblical to keep with the theme... first, we have the apple ala adam and eve. then there was moses. I'm guessing Jesus or Nazareth is next. My money is on Nazareth, which not only keeps with the theme, but also has the added bonus of rounding out new baby nicknames: person, place, and thing (though too bad not in that order).

Posted by: mango | June 5, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

rowan n martin covers the rowan and martin idea, although not the biblical reference.

you'd think, if she was trying to be biblical with any kind of dedication to following a story line, she'd have named moses "snake."

then just go for the fertility drugs, pray for boy/girl twins and name them adam and eve.

Posted by: b | June 5, 2008 12:58 PM | Report abuse

How about: Paltry Paltrow?

Posted by: CJB | June 5, 2008 1:04 PM | Report abuse

Mango, obviously only Jesus OF Nazareth would do for Gwynnie. After all, won't this child also be a gift to humanity?

Posted by: jes | June 5, 2008 1:04 PM | Report abuse

They forgot My Favorite Martin.

Posted by: Mickey | June 5, 2008 1:04 PM | Report abuse

I don't care what the dictionary says. "Douroucouli" has got to be genetically engineered broccoli, probably raised in the French-speaking part of Africa.

Posted by: Red dragon | June 5, 2008 1:14 PM | Report abuse

jes - true. I feel bad for Apple; both baby Moses and baby Jesus of Nazareth are appropriately named for gifts to humanity - poor Apple is named after the forbidden fruit. Though I guess it depends on your opinion of the tree of knowledge - since the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree...

Posted by: mango | June 5, 2008 1:25 PM | Report abuse

I think Lily Allen looks hot with the pink hair. But then again, I have a thing for Erin Esurance too.

Posted by: M Street | June 5, 2008 1:26 PM | Report abuse

MoCoSnarky, thanks for the Nina Garcia reminder re: Elle. I should've instantly made that connection since I myself am a recovering "Project Runway" addict.

(My wife dragged me kicking and screaming into PR Season 2. Before I knew it, it's two seasons later and I'm yelling at the screen, "Rami! Enough with the draping!" And I knew then it was time to seek help.)

Posted by: td | June 5, 2008 1:28 PM | Report abuse

Ok, I can't be bother with reading the entire article, so in what context is Douroucoulia used? I can only guess it is her her stylist.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 5, 2008 1:37 PM | Report abuse

"Don't worry. I kind of like reading the fine print," she says, as if reading my mind as well while she squints at the legalese through the gigantic, round sunglasses that obscure her beauty and make her appear like a douroucouli with a rather devilish sense of fashion.

Posted by: Douroucouli | June 5, 2008 1:42 PM | Report abuse

I didn't read the article either, but, just a guess, were they describing Ms. Trolsen?

Posted by: michael | June 5, 2008 1:42 PM | Report abuse

Jes and Mango, I am not standing close to you. Lightening may strike you any moment. Gwyneth does not appreciate being made fun of.

Posted by: ep | June 5, 2008 1:56 PM | Report abuse

She is a vengeful god...

Posted by: mango | June 5, 2008 2:03 PM | Report abuse

M Street, I'm with you. Lily looks muy caliente, as the English say, with that do.

As for Erin Esurance, I heard she's knockin' boots with the Gecko.

Posted by: byoolin | June 5, 2008 2:24 PM | Report abuse

MoCo, I don't know if Kevin's gay, but I think he singlehandedly used up the North American supply of pretentiousness.

Posted by: byoolin | June 5, 2008 2:30 PM | Report abuse

An never-before-seen Olsen pic:

http://www.kidsbiology.com/library/image.php?src=/images/repository/AotusTrivirgatus1154195954.jpg&width=300&height=400


Not sure if that's MK or Ashley. I could never tell those 2 apart.

Posted by: Bored @ work | June 5, 2008 2:43 PM | Report abuse

An never-before-seen Olsen pic:

http://www.kidsbiology.com/library/image.php?src=/images/repository/AotusTrivirgatus1154195954.jpg&width=300&height=400

Not sure if that's MK or Ashley. I could never tell those 2 apart.

Posted by: Bored @ work | June 5, 2008 2:43 PM
------------

Me neither -- and they're FRATERNAL twins! My guess is that photo is of Ashley; just a hunch.

Posted by: td | June 5, 2008 2:48 PM | Report abuse

Bored@work, that looks way too healthy to be an Olsen twin.

Posted by: h3 | June 5, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

By the way, did anyone notice that in one of the pictures accompanying the Elle Trolsen article it appeared she is wearing a rather large piece of Sasquatch's pelt?

Posted by: jes | June 5, 2008 3:21 PM | Report abuse

Jes notes:

By the way, did anyone notice that in one of the pictures accompanying the Elle Trolsen article it appeared she is wearing a rather large piece of Sasquatch's pelt?
-------------------------------------------

That is an unlicensed knock-off made from the fur of pets who are brutally slaughtered in Asia. The only entities who should be allowed to wear pelts are the entities that grow their own pelts.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 5, 2008 3:32 PM | Report abuse

For the love of God and all that is wholly. The Slate's headline, "R. Kelly Mounts His Defense." Isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place?

http://www.slate.com/

Posted by: Anonymous | June 5, 2008 4:00 PM | Report abuse

For the love of God and all that is wholly.

Wholly what?

Posted by: to anon @ 4:00 PM | June 5, 2008 4:01 PM | Report abuse

Obviously a fan of DC native son Marvin Gaye's "Wholly Holy"

Posted by: sbw, figuring out what's going on | June 5, 2008 4:26 PM | Report abuse

For the love of God and all that is wholly.

Wholly what?

Posted by: to anon @ 4:00 PM | June 5, 2008 4:01 PM

*********

Smoke. "For the love of God and all that is wholly smoke."

Posted by: byoolin is wholly outta here for the weekend, peeps. 'Squatch, make me proud. | June 5, 2008 4:26 PM | Report abuse

i say one thing free motorola ringtone software %-)

Posted by: jenna | June 9, 2008 8:50 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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