Network News

X My Profile
View More Activity
Posted at 8:15 AM ET, 07/ 9/2008

Morning Mix: Psychiatrist Says Christie Brinkley Should Get Kids

By Liz Kelly
Wednesday

Headlines: Nicole Kidman's dad says "Sunday" was his idea... Matthew McConaughey names his newborn son "Levi"... Brad Pitt and son Maddox visit Angelina Jolie in hospital... Psychiatrist says Christie Brinkley should get custody of kids... Jamie Lynn Spears poses with newborn on cover of OK! magazine... Sarah Larson says she misses George Clooney's dance moves... Amy Winehouse slaps her own bodyguard... Brian Austin Green says he and Megan Fox are "solid"... Joe E. Tata ("Nat") returning to new "90210"... Brigitte Nielsen has plastic surgery on German TV (NSFW).

Crime Watch: Nate Dogg charged with stalking his wife.

Rumor Mill: A-Rod's wife spends $100,000 before filing for divorce... Lenny Kravitz blames former manager for planting false affair story... Russell Simmons single again... Tony Romo serenades Jessica Simpson with Guns n' Roses... Sting not pleased with 17-year-old daughter's newest pal: Pete Doherty.

Say What?
"There's nothing weird about calling your baby Chewbacca if that's what you want to call your baby." -- Coldplay frontman and Gwyneth Paltrow husband Chris Martin defending the right of celebrities everywhere to creatively name their children.

"If anything, I need anger enhancement!" -- The eminently quotable Kanye West responds to critics who say he needs help with his temper tantrums.

By Liz Kelly  | July 9, 2008; 8:15 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Insta-Poll: Do We Like the Name Sunday Rose?
Next: Here's the Story of the Barfing Brady

Comments

So I guess if Gwyneth Paltrow eventually "forces" herself to have another kid with Chris Martin, they'll name her/him "Chewbacca." Excellent!

Posted by: glebe | July 9, 2008 8:38 AM | Report abuse

Chris, I really think Sasquatch or his distant relative the Yeti should have dibs on the name Chewbacca for their progeny.

Anger enhancement clases? Man, where do I go to sign up for those? I bet the MMs would know.

Posted by: jes | July 9, 2008 8:54 AM | Report abuse

From the People article on the Jamie Lynn cover...

"Since giving birth on June 19 to baby girl Maddie Briann Aldridge, Jamie Lynn Spears has taken to doing what any good first time mom would do..." .....sell pictures of her baby to a national gossip magazine.

Healthy and normal from the beginning. Awesome.

Posted by: Omaha | July 9, 2008 9:03 AM | Report abuse

I heart Sting.

Posted by: Lisa1 | July 9, 2008 9:03 AM | Report abuse

At this point who from the original 90210 cast ISN'T on board? Why not just call it 90210: Where They Are Now.

Posted by: sjcpeach | July 9, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

Sting just needs to teach Pete some of his tantric tricks. That will bore his daughter out of her mind.

Posted by: yellojkt | July 9, 2008 9:08 AM | Report abuse

Geez, I have a feeling that if you criticize Kanye about anything, the response will be something to the effect of "Oh yeah, well I want to do/be MORE!" Four-year-olds could take lessons in petulance from this headcase.

Posted by: 23112 | July 9, 2008 9:11 AM | Report abuse

What about serial adulterer Lara Logan's out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Or is it different when you're knocked up at 37 instead of 17 or 25?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/07/AR2008070702662.html?hpid=artslot

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 9:18 AM | Report abuse

Let's stop referring to it as the new 90210 and say the original is coming off a really long hiatus with some new faces.

When I hear the name Levi I think of an old oil barron or the jeans. Not quite sure how I feel about this one.

DANGER Sting's daughter, DANGER. We still don't know what happened to the man's coked up cat. And he's recently fondled mice. And he's friends with the walking death watch. DANGER.

Posted by: petal, who feels like watching Lost in Space now | July 9, 2008 9:19 AM | Report abuse

First, business:

I hereby move that the Assembly of Lizards adopt the following resolution (hereinafter referred to as The Chris Martin Amendment):

Congratulations to all celebrities who have had, will have or are babies. Celebritology recognizes your right to name your children according to your own wishes, but reserves the right to mock whatever name you so choose, whether it is a damnfool name such as Pilot Inspektor or a conservative name such as James. Celebritology apologizes in advance for the opinions expressed by trolls visiting from "mommy-blogs" and expressly disavows any endorsement of their claims that they and only they know a damn thing about celebrities, their lives, their children, or anything connected in any way with Reality.

****

Now, fun:

Betcha what Sarah Larson misses the most is George Clooney's beautiful and strong hair.

And in this corner, weighing 85 pounds and wearing red trunks, with a record of zero victories, zero losses and two acquittals, the Rehab Rocker, the London Slapper, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAmy WineHOUSE!

Re Nat returning to the Peach Pit: see http://blog.washingtonpost.com/celebritology/2008/07/morning_mix_brangelina_baby_pi_1.html for my "9021-OLD" wisecrack.

"Solid" Silver says he and Megan Fox "have tattoos of each other's names." Oh, well, then...
And "they haven't approached me personally" for 90210-2. He must feel like the guy without a chair when the music stops.

The first photo in that Brigitte Nielsen story may be NSFW, but seeing it is worth the risk of the visit from the HR people.

Let's go to the math lab: If Mrs. A-Rod spends $100K of her husband's $28M salary, and your salary is $60K, it's about the same as if your spouse spent $214. TAKE THAT, A-Rod!

Nice picture of you holding that mic, Tony. All the smart kids are calling you "Romo the [rhymes with 'Romo']" now.

The Dream Of The Blue Turtles notwithstanding, Pete Doherty offering to help Coco Sumner "develop her songwriting skills" is like me giving "acting" lessons to Ron Jeremy, Jr.

Also, happy 61st birthday, O.J., you conviction-dodging double-murdering wife abuser. How's that tracking down the real killers thing coming along for you?

Posted by: byoolin mixes business with pleasure with work with not working. | July 9, 2008 9:21 AM | Report abuse

Kanye's had a rough time the last several months since his mom's unexpected sudden death. Not that he was exactly perfect while she was alive and well, but there is a plausible explanation for his irrational outbursts nowadays. Let's hope he gets the professional help he needs to get him through this horrible time in his life.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 9:21 AM | Report abuse

Who needs psychiatrists?

My husband and I agreed that whoever leaves first gets the kids.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 9:22 AM | Report abuse

My husband and I agreed that whoever leaves first gets the kids.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 9:22 AM

Yeesh, that sounds more like a threat than a promise.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 9:26 AM | Report abuse

"From the People article on the Jamie Lynn cover...

"Since giving birth on June 19 to baby girl Maddie Briann Aldridge, Jamie Lynn Spears has taken to doing what any good first time mom would do..." .....sell pictures of her baby to a national gossip magazine.

Healthy and normal from the beginning. Awesome."


Posted by: Omaha | July 9, 2008 9:03 AM

ITA. Little Maddie's been made a commodity from birth in the Spears family tradition. Way to go.

Posted by: hacienda | July 9, 2008 9:28 AM | Report abuse

Byoolin

I second the motion.

(I need to start collecting these Assembly of Lizards Resolutions to put in to the Lizard Articles of Confederacy.)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 9:28 AM | Report abuse

"My husband and I agreed that whoever leaves first gets the kids." - Posted by: Curmudgeon

Man, you guys fight *dirty.*

Posted by: byoolin | July 9, 2008 9:28 AM | Report abuse

Is the color off on my computer or did Jamie Lynn actually dye her hair gray to make herself look older and more mommy-like than her 17 years?

Posted by: BxNY | July 9, 2008 9:37 AM | Report abuse

Ooh, before I forget -- can someone post the latest updated version of the Celebritology glossary? I want to make it an actual link, as suggested recently.

That is all.

Posted by: Liz Kelly | July 9, 2008 9:37 AM | Report abuse

I wonder if it ever gets awkward at Simpson family get-togethers when Jessica and Pete Wentz start comparing what it was like to be with John Mayer.

Posted by: Dorkus M. | July 9, 2008 9:40 AM | Report abuse

All you ladies and gents out there, take a look at this site. you will thank me later!

www.nypost.com/photos/galleries/gossip/celebp/20080708_beckham/photo01.htm

Posted by: leggings | July 9, 2008 9:41 AM | Report abuse

Is it noteworthy that GP mentions "calling" your baby Chewbacca, not "naming" your baby Chewbacca? I have visions of celebrities everywhere at dinnertime opening the door "Heeerrreee, Chewbacca! C'm on, baby!"

Posted by: Angela | July 9, 2008 9:47 AM | Report abuse

I'm really looking forward to the "Jessica Simpson Effect" on the Cowboys' season. Heh heh heh. She can be up there with TO under the list of team cancers.

Posted by: Sigh | July 9, 2008 9:50 AM | Report abuse

"Most people know George has a great sense of humor and is an adept storyteller, but I will always miss his extraordinary dance moves," Larson said.

An "adept storyteller"? "I will always miss his extraordinary dance moves"? Who talks like that? She must be referring to an inside joke. It sounds very un-adept and extraordinarily stilted.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 9:54 AM | Report abuse

I'm really looking forward to the "Jessica Simpson Effect" on the Cowboys' season. Heh heh heh. She can be up there with TO under the list of team cancers.

Posted by: Sigh | July 9, 2008 9:50 AM

******************************************

Tony, just dump the girl and let it be over. While I normally defend Texas girls as the best there are, I'd much rather see the Cowboys win a Super Bowl.

Maybe we could introduce Jessica to A-Rod...

Posted by: Dorkus M. | July 9, 2008 9:59 AM | Report abuse

What dance would that be? The horizontal mambo?

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 10:01 AM | Report abuse

Angela, it was Chris Martin (GP's husband) that said the quote.

Posted by: to angela | July 9, 2008 10:01 AM | Report abuse

I work with a guy named Levi, and I'm pretty durn sure he wasn't named after any denim product, so I have to give the thumbs up to McConaughey (McCannahooey?) this time around for not picking something that's naked-bongo-crazy. Like Chewbacca.

Posted by: 23112 | July 9, 2008 10:06 AM | Report abuse

CELEBRITOLOGY UNIVERSE
Unabashed Glossary of Terms

Andy - the official kitty of the Celebritology Universe
Bagging the viper - vulgar synonym for "knockin' boots" (see below)
Barfishious - describes the type of thoughts one has when contemplating Verne Troyer's sex video
Blowback - non-Lizard snark
Booby Kennedy Day (BKD) - a bodacious afternoon at the Celebritology Hut
Boyzillion - the entire area of one's privacies after waxing (see "yetzillion" below)
Byoolin - the Babe Ruth (in a good way) of the Celebritology Universe
Carm down - a warning that is issued when passions rise too precipitously
Celebuspawn - what comes out when a celebrity foals
Cheetoes - what all B-list celebrity babies, and wannababies, are wearing this season
Clint Eastwood - grumpy old man
"Cogito ergo perfututa" - the official motto of the Celebrity Universe
Commando raid - mischief effected by a band of Lizards, sometimes includes a rescue ladder
Contrafribularities - (1) apologies, consolation; (2) congratulations, applause, etc.
Cromulent - excellent, realistic, authentic
Cruisiness - the most obvious characteristic of a massive wierdo
DB Cooper - Sasquatch's former and much missed neighbor
Dingleberry waffles and Moose Turd Pie - the official brunch of the Celebri-Lizard Olympic Team
Doing the Funky Wiggle - what happens when LiLo breaks the one-at-a-time rule
Embiggen - to enlarge; to flesh-out (i.e., the results a boob job)
Empress Tea Lobby - the Lizard version of the Algonquin Round Table
Fatty - one who needs to carm down
Frumpy - to look like Rumer Wills wearing that slouchy beret thingy
Gecko - Curmudgeon's super secret undercover Lizard alias
Geigh - what Clay may or may not be; a cinaedus
Getting chocked up - what happens to Lizards when learning of their first ruined keyboard
Harangue the hairy one - this has something to do with Sasquatch
Harshing the snark - critiquing and otherwise criticizing Celebritology comments
Hater - someone with an opinion that differs from your own
Hirsute - what Sasquatch is (aka Prince Hairy); a crytid
http://tinyurl.com/3zpqg4 - official URL of the Celebritology Universe
Incestupus - (1) the appearance of being incestuous (cf, Billy Ray Cyrus and daughter, Miley Ray Cyrus, in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread); (2) what you call Miley's relationship with Billy Ray if you want to incite another BKD (see Booby Kennedy Day, above)
Kitchen pass - what a Lizard gets from the so/spouse to indulge in flights of bootylicious fancy about certain celebrity members of the opposite sex (geigh or neigh)
Knockin' boots - (1) bagging the viper; (2) celebrities being snarked
Knockin' Ferragamos - the same as knockin' boots only done by wealthy Italians (see above)
LiLo leggings - a part of the Lizard Commando Unit's uniform generally worn while going up the rescue ladder; most distinctive features are the padded knee pads and easy-open crotch seam
Lizard - a denizen of the Celebritology Universe
Loh-blivious - a totally clueless Lizard
Luvlinsey - doesn't know how to spell linDsAy
Mean Mommy (MM) - a regular on the OP blog
Merkin - a larger, less refined, second cousin to a tumbleweave (see "tumbleweave" below)
Methinks - the Lizard with the initial pony fixation
Mr Liz - beloved consort of Queen Liz and co-keeper of the Kelly menagerie; it is thought that Mr Liz has the good sense to stay away from the Lizards
Neck-to-knee - Clay's personal grooming secret
Opracity - the extent to which a media figure tries to insert themselves into every aspect of popular culture (e.g., "Paris Hilton, while totally untalented, maintains an Opracity of 96 percent.")
Page - the official pup of the Celebritology Universe
Peep show - what the Thursday Celebritology Chat becomes after an hour of dueling hot links
Photo spread - what Britney and Paris provide onlookers when exiting from an auto
Platicated - what Katie Holmes seems to be in more recent times (i.e., the results of a nose job)
Pony - what every Lizard really really really wants (would be a unicorn if it had a horn in the middle of its forehead)
Pornorific - self-explanatory
Privacies - that which can remain protected by a pair of LiLo leggings (unless the crotch seam gives way)
Propper nacked - showing more skin than Miley Cyrus did in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread
Shamued - being squashed by a killer whale falling from a great height; a celebrity after being publicly humiliated (shamed)
Shibbi/shibby - hot, cool, partying, or wasted
Skank - a streetwalker
Skanque - (1) a call girl; (2) a French streetwalker
Skeleboobs - aka Victoria Posh Spice Beckham (see also TOAS)
Snark - clever but keenly disparaging remarks about another organization, custom, or person (especially a celebrity)
Snarkfest - the Celebritology posting media
Snark tank - where a deserving celebrity is sent to be snarked limb from limb
Snarky - the essence of a clever, glib observation made by a Lizard
Speedos - snarky synonym for male privacies when seen on a beach or around a pool
Televizzle - where one watches that Pekinese rescue league thing
Texting 'Tweener Tw*t (TTT) - (1) ignorant middleschooler; (2) ignorant grownup
The Perfect Beckham - a six-pack and a brat
TOAS - T**'s On A Stick (see also Skeleboobs)
"Troiana lacerta matribus contumeliosis tradita, pax restituta est." - breaking news announcement from the Lizard Post Organizer
Trojan Lizard - a cunning and artful Commando device used to infiltrate suspect territory; recently captured and taken to an undisclosed location awaiting ransom
Tumbleweave - an erstwhile hair extension living on its own in the big city; a smaller, more refined, second cousin to a merkin (see "merkin" above)
Unchoreographed flame - (1) an event in a John Woo film reminiscent of the campfire scene in "Blazing Saddles"; (2) any unexpected event
Wrestling the taco - something that Mrs Hogan might want her new boy toy to do
Yetzillion - the entire area of a cryptid's privacies after waxing (see "boyzillion" above)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 3, 2008 3:31 PM

Crazy but, there is more than one meaning to "facial."

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 3, 2008 3:36 PM

Since there's no blog tomorrow, here's this week's update of the "Celebrity Universe Unabashed Glossary of Terms":

CELEBRITOLOGY UNIVERSE
Unabashed Glossary of Terms

Andy - the official kitty of the Celebritology Universe
Bagging the viper - vulgar synonym for "knockin' boots" (see below)
Barfishious - describes the type of thoughts one has when contemplating Verne Troyer's sex video
Blowback - non-Lizard snark
Booby Kennedy Day (BKD) - a bodacious afternoon at the Celebritology Hut
Boyzillion - the entire area of one's privacies after waxing (see "yetzillion" below)
Byoolin - the Babe Ruth (in a good way) of the Celebritology Universe
Carm down - a warning that is issued when passions rise too precipitously
Celebuspawn - what comes out when a celebrity foals
Cheetoes - what all B-list celebrity babies, and wannababies, are wearing this season
Clint Eastwood - grumpy old man
"Cogito ergo perfututa" - the official motto of the Celebrity Universe
Commando raid - mischief effected by a band of Lizards, sometimes includes a rescue ladder
Contrafribularities - (1) apologies, consolation; (2) congratulations, applause, etc.
Cromulent - excellent, realistic, authentic
Cruisiness - the most obvious characteristic of a massive wierdo
DB Cooper - Sasquatch's former and much missed neighbor
Dingleberry waffles and Moose Turd Pie - the official brunch of the Celebri-Lizard Olympic Team
Doing the Funky Wiggle - what happens when LiLo breaks the one-at-a-time rule
Embiggen - to enlarge; to flesh-out (i.e., the results a boob job)
Empress Tea Lobby - the Lizard version of the Algonquin Round Table
Fatty - one who needs to carm down
Frumpy - to look like Rumer Wills wearing that slouchy beret thingy
Gecko - Curmudgeon's super secret undercover Lizard alias
Geigh - what Clay may or may not be; a cinaedus
Getting chocked up - what happens to Lizards when learning of their first ruined keyboard
Harangue the hairy one - this has something to do with Sasquatch
Harshing the snark - critiquing and otherwise criticizing Celebritology comments
Hater - someone with an opinion that differs from your own
Hirsute - what Sasquatch is (aka Prince Hairy); a crytid
http://tinyurl.com/3zpqg4 - official URL of the Celebritology Universe
Incestupus - (1) the appearance of being incestuous (cf, Billy Ray Cyrus and daughter, Miley Ray Cyrus, in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread); (2) what you call Miley's relationship with Billy Ray if you want to incite another BKD (see Booby Kennedy Day, above)
Kitchen pass - what a Lizard gets from the so/spouse to indulge in flights of bootylicious fancy about certain celebrity members of the opposite sex (geigh or neigh)
Knockin' boots - (1) bagging the viper; (2) celebrities being snarked
Knockin' Ferragamos - the same as knockin' boots only done by wealthy Italians (see above)
LiLo leggings - a part of the Lizard Commando Unit's uniform generally worn while going up the rescue ladder; most distinctive features are the padded knee pads and easy-open crotch seam
Lizard - a denizen of the Celebritology Universe
Loh-blivious - a totally clueless Lizard
Luvlinsey - doesn't know how to spell linDsAy
Mean Mommy (MM) - a regular on the OP blog
Merkin - a larger, less refined, second cousin to a tumbleweave (see "tumbleweave" below)
Methinks - the Lizard with the initial pony fixation
Mr Liz - beloved consort of Queen Liz and co-keeper of the Kelly menagerie; it is thought that Mr Liz has the good sense to stay away from the Lizards
Neck-to-knee - Clay's personal grooming secret
Opracity - the extent to which a media figure tries to insert themselves into every aspect of popular culture (e.g., "Paris Hilton, while totally untalented, maintains an Opracity of 96 percent.")
Page - the official pup of the Celebritology Universe
Peep show - what the Thursday Celebritology Chat becomes after an hour of dueling hot links
Photo spread - what Britney and Paris provide onlookers when exiting from an auto
Platicated - what Katie Holmes seems to be in more recent times (i.e., the results of a nose job)
Pony - what every Lizard really really really wants (would be a unicorn if it had a horn in the middle of its forehead)
Pornorific - self-explanatory
Privacies - that which can remain protected by a pair of LiLo leggings (unless the crotch seam gives way)
Propper nacked - showing more skin than Miley Cyrus did in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread
Shamued - being squashed by a killer whale falling from a great height; a celebrity after being publicly humiliated (shamed)
Shibbi/shibby - hot, cool, partying, or wasted
Skank - a streetwalker
Skanque - (1) a call girl; (2) a French streetwalker
Skeleboobs - aka Victoria Posh Spice Beckham (see also TOAS)
Snark - clever but keenly disparaging remarks about another organization, custom, or person (especially a celebrity)
Snarkfest - the Celebritology posting media
Snark tank - where a deserving celebrity is sent to be snarked limb from limb
Snarky - the essence of a clever, glib observation made by a Lizard
Speedos - snarky synonym for male privacies when seen on a beach or around a pool
Televizzle - where one watches that Pekinese rescue league thing
Texting 'Tweener Tw*t (TTT) - (1) ignorant middleschooler; (2) ignorant grownup
The Perfect Beckham - a six-pack and a brat
TOAS - T**'s On A Stick (see also Skeleboobs)
"Troiana lacerta matribus contumeliosis tradita, pax restituta est." - breaking news announcement from the Lizard Post Organizer
Trojan Lizard - a cunning and artful Commando device used to infiltrate suspect territory; recently captured and taken to an undisclosed location awaiting ransom
Tumbleweave - an erstwhile hair extension living on its own in the big city; a smaller, more refined, second cousin to a merkin (see "merkin" above)
Unchoreographed flame - (1) an event in a John Woo film reminiscent of the campfire scene in "Blazing Saddles"; (2) any unexpected event
Wrestling the taco - something that Mrs Hogan might want her new boy toy to do
Yetzillion - the entire area of a cryptid's privacies after waxing (see "boyzillion" above)

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 10:09 AM | Report abuse

At age 48, I'm feeling much, much better about myself after viewing the NSFW photos of 44-year-old Brigitte Nielsen photos.
*
I like the name "Levi" and also like using the mom's last name as a middle name. Well done, Matthew & Camila.
*
I endorse byoolin's resolution re: celebrity children's names, however I think we can just leave off the niceties, "Congratulations to all celebrities who have had, will have or are babies..." and just go straight into the meat of the matter, "Celebritology recognizes your right to name your children according to your own wishes..."

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 10:10 AM | Report abuse

All I can do is picture Matthew and Camila bouncing baby names off each other. he checks himself out in the mirror and looks down..

MM: How about Red Tab?
CA: No
MM: 501?
CA: No
MM: Denim?
CA: No
MM: Levi?
CA: Awwwww, Levi!
MM: *double snap to finger guns* Levi


Then again:
"McConaughey, 38, said Levi is another name for the apostle Matthew in the Bible."
So...he basically named the baby after...himself. Not as good of a story.

Posted by: Em on Levi | July 9, 2008 10:11 AM | Report abuse

I also support byoolin's resolution.

And I think after yesterday, SMAME might need to be added to the glossary.

Posted by: Dorkus M. | July 9, 2008 10:15 AM | Report abuse

er...there's one too many "photos" in that previous post o' mine. i hate when that happens.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 10:20 AM | Report abuse

Brinkley was cool to the idea of therapy. "I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of psychotherapy. I believe there are other ways to deal with this," Brinkley testified Tuesday.

I find myself curious as to what Brinkley thinks are other ways to "deal with this". Repeated litigation? American Gladiators-style fencing? A caged deathmatch?

Posted by: Bawlmer does the facepalm. | July 9, 2008 10:21 AM | Report abuse

I find myself curious as to what Brinkley thinks are other ways to "deal with this". Repeated litigation? American Gladiators-style fencing? A caged deathmatch?

Posted by: Bawlmer does the facepalm. | July 9, 2008 10:21 AM

**********

And in this corner, weighing 110 pounds, wearing blue trunks and four wedding rings, the Supermodel of Separation, the Not-Quite-Pornorific Princess, the Uptown Girl Gone Wild, Christeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee BRIN-kley!!!!

Posted by: byoolin | July 9, 2008 10:26 AM | Report abuse

celinedion most definitely needs to be added to the Glossary as well.

Byoo, as an HR person, I grant you a free pass to look at the Brigitte Nielsen NSFW photos.

Posted by: hr girl | July 9, 2008 10:30 AM | Report abuse

I endorse byoolin's resolution with the Chris Martin amendment and the suggested rephasing by methinks.

Mudge,
You didn't include celinedion in the glossary. On a sidenote, it works great if there's a constant threat to wash your mouth out with soap looming.

Posted by: petal | July 9, 2008 10:30 AM | Report abuse

"Betcha what Sarah Larson misses the most is George Clooney's beautiful and strong hair."

OCTOBER 18, 2008- In a move that has shocked Hollywood, model Sarah Larson has declared her undying love for butter spokesman Fabio. The two will wed in a ceremony "sometime soon", says the model's rep; Larson is rumored to be waiting on the completion of a wedding dress woven entirely from Fabio's golden locks. Upon hearing the news, Larson's ex, George Clooney, was rushed to Cedar Sinai for oxygen deprivation stemming from uncontrollable laugher.

Posted by: Bawlmer can't remember who mentioned this in the Monday post, but she is indebted to them. | July 9, 2008 10:33 AM | Report abuse

If you don't include 'celinedion' in the lexicon, please whisper the definition to me. I missed it and don't want to have to go back in time looking for it. thanks!

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 10:34 AM | Report abuse

methinks, celinedion is a euphemism for excrement.

Posted by: Dorkus M. | July 9, 2008 10:37 AM | Report abuse

NOBODY's 17 year old daughter should be exposed to Pete Doherty!

Posted by: Red Dragon | July 9, 2008 10:37 AM | Report abuse

Should anybody be exposed to Pete Doherty?

Posted by: Dorkus | July 9, 2008 10:38 AM | Report abuse

Ah methinks she should have been able to figure that one out...
*tips cap to Dorkus M.*

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 10:39 AM | Report abuse

Really Megan? Really?

Posted by: Producer Paul | July 9, 2008 10:40 AM | Report abuse

I guess Sting's only recourse is to build a fortress for Coco and surround her with barbed wire.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 10:40 AM | Report abuse

Angela, re: your question on "calling" versus "naming" one's baby, it's a Britishism. They use "call" instead of "name" to mean the same thing. Ergo, I am called Wikijen, you are called Angela, and the former Lady McCartney is called "that gold-digging tramp." Some things are universal.

Posted by: Wikijen | July 9, 2008 10:41 AM | Report abuse

Attention Cynthia Rodriguez:

Russell Simmons is on the market.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 10:44 AM | Report abuse

Calling celinedion a euphemism for excrement is an insult to excrement.

It's also fun to sneak onto a coworker's computer and change the Word autocorrect options to replace any swear words with celiondion.

Actual email from my coworker: "Celinedion! Why the celinedion is my celinedion computer replacing every celinedion swear word with "celinedion"? You did this, didn't you, you piece of celinedion!?"

Posted by: M Street | July 9, 2008 10:46 AM | Report abuse

Bawlmer, if Sarah *were* to marry Fabio, you could be sure there wouldn't be any birds - doves, geese or other - released at the end of the ceremony.

Posted by: byoolin | July 9, 2008 10:48 AM | Report abuse

Ew, Brigitte. If boobs could talk.

Posted by: possum | July 9, 2008 10:50 AM | Report abuse

I guess Sting's only recourse is to build a fortress for Coco and surround her with barbed wire.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 10:40 AM
*********
HA! Very true, MoCoSnarky, but mustn't forget the trenches...

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 10:53 AM | Report abuse

Attention Cynthia Rodriguez:

Russell Simmons is on the market.


Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 10:44 AM

i'm just waiting for luvlinsey to post that dina and russell will make a good couple.

SNORT.

Posted by: farmhand, IA | July 9, 2008 10:56 AM | Report abuse

Wikijen, excellent point. Why I was just enjoying the many Britishisms in the Amy Winehouse article.

She has a "minder." Minders are cute whereas bodyguards are menacing. The term 'minder' implies that it he is protecting us from Amy as much as he is protecting Amy from us. Clearly this is true.

Amy looked "glamorous, but disheveled." American journalists would have missed the glamour. The Brits never do.

"The minder can take solace in the knowledge that he is not the only one." What an elegant way to say that there's plenty to go around when it comes to Amy's punches.

"A fan pinched her bottom." Bottom is a direction in the US, not necessarily a noun. We have better nouns. Some of them are even French.

"snappers" Oh, those Brits...using an English when an Italian word would do just fine.

"Amy appears to have cut her hand during the confrontation." Very proper. The US press would have said, "Amy licks her battle wounds."

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 10:57 AM | Report abuse

All you ladies and gents out there, take a look at this site. you will thank me later!

www.nypost.com/photos/galleries/gossip/celebp/20080708_beckham/photo01.htm

Posted by: leggings | July 9, 2008 9:41 AM


THANK YOU!!!!!!!
new screen savers, woo hoo!

beckham better be on the celebritology island!

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 10:57 AM | Report abuse

eeeep, Liz, here is the latest version of the Glossary. Let me know how I can update it once it's linked

CELEBRITOLOGY UNIVERSE
Unabashed Glossary of Terms
Andy - the official kitty of the Celebritology Universe
Bagging the viper - vulgar synonym for "knockin' boots" (see below)
Barfishious - describes the type of thoughts one has when contemplating Verne Troyer's sex video
Bawlmer - the Lizard Snark Shelter Safety Officer
Blowback - non-Lizard snark
Booby Kennedy Day (BKD) - a bodacious afternoon at the Celebritology Hut
1) In Addition to All Capitals and Exclamation Points, the Overuse of Capitalization of Words, Shall Henceforth Also Be a Factor for Determining Craziness.
2) The use of numbers in place of words (e.g., "2" for "two", "4" for "four") shall be a marker for consideration of BKD status
3) The "random" use of "quotation marks" for "no apparently good reason" shall be a "marker" for "consideration" of BKD status (Byoolin won't even mention the use of the word "toodles")
Boyzillion - the entire area of one's privacies after waxing (see "yetzillion" below)
Byoolin - the Babe Ruth (in a good way) of the Celebritology Universe
Carm down - a warning that is issued when passions rise too precipitously
Celebuspawn - what comes out when a celebrity foals
Celinedion - Lizard-speak for a popular scatological term; (e.g., "she has celinedion for brains" or "celinedion, I get that horrid Tom Cruise ad at the top of my page" or " . . . the current celinedion on TV right now" or "celinedion!"
Cheetoes - what all B-list celebrity babies, and wannababies, are wearing this season
Clint Eastwood - grumpy old man
"Cogito ergo perfututa" - the official motto of the Celebrity Universe
Commando raid - mischief effected by a band of Lizards, sometimes includes a rescue ladder
Contrafribularities - (1) apologies, consolation; (2) congratulations, applause, etc.
Cromulent - excellent, realistic, authentic
Cruisiness - the most obvious characteristic of a massive wierdo
DB Cooper - Sasquatch's former and much missed neighbor
Dingleberry waffles and Moose Turd Pie - the official brunch of the Celebri-Lizard Olympic Team
Doing the Funky Wiggle - what happens when LiLo breaks the one-at-a-time rule
Embiggen - to enlarge; to flesh-out (i.e., the results a boob job)
Empress Tea Lobby - the Lizard version of the Algonquin Round Table
Fatty - one who needs to carm down
Frumpy - to look like Rumer Wills wearing that slouchy beret thingy
Gecko - Curmudgeon's super secret undercover Lizard alias
Geigh - what Clay may or may not be; a cinaedus
Getting chocked up - what happens to Lizards when learning of their first ruined keyboard
Harangue the hairy one - this has something to do with Sasquatch
Harshing the snark - critiquing and otherwise criticizing Celebritology comments
Hater - someone with an opinion that differs from your own
Hirsute - what Sasquatch is (aka Prince Hairy); a crytid
http://tinyurl.com/3zpqg4 - official URL of the Celebritology Universe
Incestupus - (1) the appearance of being incestuous (cf, Billy Ray Cyrus and daughter, Miley Ray Cyrus, in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread); (2) what you call Miley's relationship with Billy Ray if you want to incite another BKD (see Booby Kennedy Day, above)
Kitchen pass - what a Lizard gets from the so/spouse to indulge in flights of bootylicious fancy about certain celebrity members of the opposite sex (geigh or neigh)
Knockin' boots - (1) bagging the viper; (2) celebrities being snarked
Knockin' Ferragamos - the same as knockin' boots only done by wealthy Italians (see above)
LiLo leggings - a part of the Lizard Commando Unit's uniform generally worn while going up the rescue ladder; most distinctive features are the padded knee pads and easy-open crotch seam
Lizard - a denizen of the Celebritology Universe
Lizard Island - sort of like Gilligan's Island only we know how to leave if we want
Loh-blivious - a totally clueless Lizard
Luvlinsey - doesn't know how to spell linDsAy
Mean Mommy (MM) - a regular on the OP blog
Merkin - a larger, less refined, second cousin to a tumbleweave (see "tumbleweave" below)
Methinks - the Lizard with the initial pony fixation
Mr Liz - beloved consort of Queen Liz and co-keeper of the Kelly menagerie; it is thought that Mr Liz has the good sense to stay away from the Lizards
Neck-to-knee - Clay's personal grooming secret
Opracity - the extent to which a media figure tries to insert themselves into every aspect of popular culture (e.g., "Paris Hilton, while totally untalented, maintains an Opracity of 96 percent.")
Owe the humanity! - Lizard cry of abashment, grief, and chagrin
Page - the official pup of the Celebritology Universe
Peep show - what the Thursday Celebritology Chat becomes after an hour of dueling hot links
Photo spread - what Britney and Paris provide onlookers when exiting from an auto
Platicated - what Katie Holmes seems to be in more recent times (i.e., the results of a nose job)
Pony - what every Lizard really really really wants (would be a unicorn if it had a horn in the middle of its forehead)
Pornorific - self-explanatory
Privacies - that which can remain protected by a pair of LiLo leggings (unless the crotch seam gives way)
Propper nacked - showing more skin than Miley Cyrus did in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread
Shamued - being squashed by a killer whale falling from a great height; a celebrity after being publicly humiliated (shamed)
Shibbi/shibby - hot, cool, partying, or wasted
Skank - a streetwalker
Skanque - (1) a call girl; (2) a French streetwalker
Skeleboobs - aka Victoria Posh Spice Beckham (see also TOAS)
SMAME - what Lizards hang their heads in
Snark - clever but keenly disparaging remarks about another organization, custom, or person (especially a celebrity)
Snarkfest - the Celebritology posting media
Snark shelter - where Lizards hide from attacks from the MMs (and TTTs for the faint of heart) and eat snacks
Snark tank - where a deserving celebrity is sent to be snarked limb from limb
Snarky - the essence of a clever, glib observation made by a Lizard
Speedos - snarky synonym for male privacies when seen on a beach or around a pool
Televizzle - where one watches that Pekinese rescue league thing
Texting 'Tweener Tw*t (TTT) - (1) ignorant middleschooler; (2) ignorant grownup
The Perfect Beckham - a six-pack and a brat
TOAS - T**'s On A Stick (see also Skeleboobs)
"Troiana lacerta matribus contumeliosis tradita, pax restituta est." - breaking news announcement from the Lizard Post Organizer
Trojan Lizard - a cunning and artful Commando device used to infiltrate suspect territory; recently captured and taken to an undisclosed location awaiting ransom
Tumbleweave - an erstwhile hair extension living on its own in the big city; a smaller, more refined, second cousin to a merkin (see "merkin" above)
Unchoreographed flame - (1) an event in a John Woo film reminiscent of the campfire scene in "Blazing Saddles"; (2) any unexpected event
Wrestling the taco - something that Mrs Hogan might want her new boy toy to do
Yetzillion - the entire area of a cryptid's privacies after waxing (see "boyzillion" above)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 11:03 AM | Report abuse

My best friend in elementary school had a baby brother named Levi. I always think of it as a biblical name (which it is) than jeans. Considering the dearth of brain cells in Matthew McConaughey's melon, Levi is surprisingly nice.

Time for Sarah Larson to go back to schlepping drinks.

Posted by: jelo | July 9, 2008 11:04 AM | Report abuse

I guess Sting's only recourse is to build a fortress for Coco and surround her with barbed wire.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 10:40 AM
---------------------------------------

Yes, Mo, this is a well-known and highly successful tactic for raising teenagers.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 11:05 AM | Report abuse

Cruisiness - the most obvious characteristic of a massive wierdo

It's weirdo.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 11:07 AM | Report abuse

Cruisiness - the most obvious characteristic of a massive wierdo

It's weirdo.

Posted by: | July 9, 2008 11:07 A

----------------------------------

Thanks. it's fixed.

(I wonder why my spellchecker didn't pick that up? hmmmmmm)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Thanks. it's fixed.

(I wonder why my spellchecker didn't pick that up? hmmmmmm)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 11:11 AM
*******
Maybe you're not paying him enough

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 11:17 AM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon, not to be nit-picky, but in item #2 under BKD, don't you mean that substituting numbers for words (ie: 2 for "to" and 4 for "for", such as, I am 2 cool 4 this) shall be a marker for consideration? Or are we now following NYT style standards for use of numerals, as in, only past ten?

Posted by: WDC | July 9, 2008 11:22 AM | Report abuse

There should be a home remedy for exposure to Pete Doherty....Kind of like the scrubdown you get after a nuclear accident.

What we need is a little tag Coco could wear that would show when she's absorbed too many Doherz....

Posted by: b | July 9, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon, not to be nit-picky, but in item #2 under BKD, don't you mean that substituting numbers for words (ie: 2 for "to" and 4 for "for", such as, I am 2 cool 4 this) shall be a marker for consideration? Or are we now following NYT style standards for use of numerals, as in, only past ten?

Posted by: WDC | July 9, 2008 11:22 AM

------------------

I don't know . . . let me study on this.

But you have to admit, you can't go wrong with the numerals-past-ten rule.

Is luvlinsey in the Hut?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

I have to agree with WDC on that. Well, actually I agree on both, but the definition for the BKD should be substituting numbers for words.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 11:45 AM | Report abuse

WDC has a point. In texting, using numerals in place of letters is common, i.e. l8r, and WDC's example, 'i am 2 cool 4 this.'

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 11:47 AM | Report abuse

celinedion is missing from the glossary of terms. byoolin?

Posted by: janet | July 9, 2008 11:47 AM | Report abuse

I miss luvlinsey. On a related note, where are sigh and sunnydaze?

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | July 9, 2008 11:48 AM | Report abuse

All you ladies and gents out there, take a look at this site. you will thank me later!

www.nypost.com/photos/galleries/gossip/celebp/20080708_beckham/photo01.htm

Posted by: leggings | July 9, 2008 9:41 AM

i think he looks better with shorter hair. not a fan of the shoulder length variety. anyone else?

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 11:50 AM | Report abuse

sorry about adding another celinedion reference. not very alert today. probably due to the fact that our toilet blew up last night and just got the news about cost replacement as well as adding a pressure regulator to the exterior hose bib. the latter involves use of a blow torch. sob.

Posted by: janet & hubby will be stuck at home while plumber goes to ibiza. | July 9, 2008 11:50 AM | Report abuse

kudos to cynthia rodriguez for spending a little money to frost more than a-rod's hair. did anyone see the article where cindy mccain charged $500,000 on her last month's american express card?

Posted by: janet believes cindy mccain is wilder than she appears | July 9, 2008 11:53 AM | Report abuse

An older version of the Unabashed Glossary was submitted at 10:09.

I submitted a more recent version at 11:03.

Not to worry, Lizards, the Glossary is a living document and is always growing and perfecting itself, sort of like the larvae in "Alien".

I plan to post an updated version weekly on Fridays.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 11:53 AM | Report abuse

All you ladies and gents out there, take a look at this site. you will thank me later!

www.nypost.com/photos/galleries/gossip/celebp/20080708_beckham/photo01.htm
*****************

Finally someone who would look good in a Speedo.

Posted by: Angela | July 9, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

I plan to post an updated version weekly on Fridays.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 11:53 AM


hello, overkill!!!!!

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon, you do yeoman duty on the Lizard Glossary. Mad props to you!

Posted by: Nosy Parker | July 9, 2008 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Should our fearless Lizard Island leaders be included in the Glossary?

Posted by: hr girl | July 9, 2008 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Great, first Amy Winehouse takes hygience lessons from Pete Doherty. Now she is taking lessons in how to deal with employees from Naomi Campbell. When we said she needed help, this is not what we meant.

Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox are splitsville, aren't they?

Posted by: ep | July 9, 2008 11:59 AM | Report abuse

hello, overkill!!!!!

Posted by: | July 9, 2008 11:55 AM


You broke rule number one for a BKD...

1) In Addition to All Capitals and Exclamation Points, the Overuse of Capitalization of Words, Shall Henceforth Also Be a Factor for Determining Craziness.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

Janet, sorry to read about the celinedion hitting the fan there. Your description of the event reminded me of Frank Zappa, of course:

Well our toilet went crazy yesterday afternoon/
The plumber, he says, 'Never flush a tampone'/
This great information cost me half a week's pay/
And the toilet blew up later on the next day (-ayeeyayay, -yayay, blew up the next day ooowooo)

Posted by: byoolin | July 9, 2008 12:03 PM | Report abuse

"Curmudgeon, not to be nit-picky, but in item #2 under BKD, don't you mean that substituting numbers for words (ie: 2 for "to" and 4 for "for", such as, I am 2 cool 4 this) shall be a marker for consideration?

I don't know . . . let me study on this."

I think that as a general term, any use of chatspeak, leetspeak, or any form of language in which clarity and correctness is sacrificed for speed is cause for a BKD nomination.
If I may:
Source: "wtf lindsay is 2 awsum 4 u all u r jus jelus. lol"
Translation: "What the (expletive). Lindsey is too awesome for you all. You are just jealous. I am laughing out loud."

Posted by: Bawlmer won't even get into gamer chat. | July 9, 2008 12:04 PM | Report abuse

To Janet & hubby contemplating the high cost of good plumbing,
A couple of years ago, our septic system backed up into the house the same day that the air conditioning broke down in the heat of summer. Celinedion doesn't begin to describe it.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 12:09 PM | Report abuse

Must be something going around. My "angelic" almost 8-year-old stopped up the brand new toilet this morning the old fashioned way:

celinedion.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 12:19 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer:

Even though I have to trust you on the term "leetspeak", I have added your BKD measurement to the Glossary as item 4).

thanks

Can you all help refresh my memory on who the Lizard Island Fearless Leaders are? I know that they have been held up for office legitimately by the vast unwashed masses of Lizards (with a nod to Sasquatch).

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 12:24 PM | Report abuse

hello, overkill!!!!!

Posted by: | July 9, 2008 11:55 AM

Yo fatty, carm down.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 12:26 PM | Report abuse

You can make nice stew out of overkill. Just scoop it up while it's still warm and put it in the Hot Pot.

Posted by: possum | July 9, 2008 12:38 PM | Report abuse

byoolin-Secretary of State
Sasquatch-Secretary of Defense
ep-Attorney General
Groovis-Party Chair
Curmudgeon-Chief Adviser to the Celebritology Island Tribal Chief

If I have left anyone out, I am deeply sorry.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 9, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Megan Fox has been living with David Silver since she was a teenager. This seems like a really healthy situation.

Posted by: MzFitz | July 9, 2008 12:42 PM | Report abuse

I'd like to tend the CI Tiki Bar if that's cool with everyone.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

"Bawlmer:
Even though I have to trust you on the term "leetspeak", I have added your BKD measurement to the Glossary as item 4)."

Many thanks, mudge; we probably won't see any leetspeak (Wikipedia: an alphabet used primarily on the Internet, which uses various combinations of ASCII characters to replace Latinate letters) here, as it's generally restricted to the Internet hardcore. That's a good thing, because it's probably even harder to understand than the language of the TTTs.
For your edification:
Leetspeak: B'/00L1|\| 4|\|D 545QU47(|-| r0(|<.
By a TTT: byoo n sasqtch rox!!!
English: Byoolin and sasquatch rock.

Posted by: Bawlmer is in ur Internets, hackin ur warez. | July 9, 2008 12:47 PM | Report abuse

I'd like to tend the CI Tiki Bar if that's cool with everyone.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 12:44 PM

*******************************************

Ask and ye shall receive, just be sure you know how to make the perfect mojito.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 9, 2008 12:51 PM | Report abuse

ok here goes. I hoope this uploads well

The CABAL of Lizard Island's Fearless Leaders is as follows:

Lizard Island Tribal Chieftain Gaius Dorkus Maximus

Lizard Island Chief Adviser for Island Activities Curmudgeon

Lizard Island Attorney General ep

Lizard Island Intra-island Bike Messenger Lizuarte Martins

Lizard Island Boat's Water Emptier Bai Ling

Lizard Island Minister of Keeping Track of Emmy Nomination Refusals musicgeek (name withdrawn from consideration)

Lizard Island Mixed-drink Servers Daniel Craig and the Spanish soccer team

Lizard Island Party Chairperson Gaia Groovis Maximus

Lizard Island Renewable Energy Source Paris and her Manhattan Project dumb belles

Lizard Island Secretary of Defense Sasquatch (mostly due to his body odor)

Lizard Island Secretary of State Byoolin

Lizard Island Tea Servers Hugh Jackman and Colin Firth serve everyone tea and say things in their great accents

Lizard Island Tiki Bar Tender methinks (maker of the perfect mojito)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 1:05 PM | Report abuse

ok here goes. I hoope this uploads well

The CABAL of Lizard Island's Fearless Leaders is as follows:

Lizard Island Tribal Chieftain Gaius Dorkus Maximus

Lizard Island Chief Adviser for Island Activities Curmudgeon

Lizard Island Attorney General ep

Lizard Island Intra-island Bike Messenger Lizuarte Martins

Lizard Island Boat's Water Emptier Bai Ling

Lizard Island Minister of Keeping Track of Emmy Nomination Refusals musicgeek (name withdrawn from consideration)

Lizard Island Mixed-drink Servers Daniel Craig and the Spanish soccer team

Lizard Island Party Chairperson Gaia Groovis Maximus

Lizard Island Renewable Energy Source Paris and her Manhattan Project dumb belles

Lizard Island Secretary of Defense Sasquatch (mostly due to his body odor)

Lizard Island Secretary of State Byoolin

Lizard Island Tea Servers Hugh Jackman and Colin Firth serve everyone tea and say things in their great accents

Lizard Island Tiki Bar Tender methinks (maker of the perfect mojito)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 1:05 PM

you forgot to add Beckham. he can be the official speedo wearer.

Posted by: leggings | July 9, 2008 1:13 PM | Report abuse

we need a torchbearers and fan wavers --

Posted by: b | July 9, 2008 1:26 PM | Report abuse

hmmmm. beckham in a speedo holding a torch... toasty!

Posted by: b | July 9, 2008 1:27 PM | Report abuse

Merriam-Webster has released their new words. "Mondegreen" gets in, but there's no mention of "boyzillion" or "celinedion". The Celebritologists remain far ahead of the curve.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/info/pr/2008-honor-lady-mondegreen.htm

Posted by: m.a.t. | July 9, 2008 1:28 PM | Report abuse

you forgot to add Beckham. he can be the official speedo wearer.

Posted by: leggings | July 9, 2008 1:13 PM
-----------

Yes, of course. I wasn't sure how to best define him

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

you forgot to add Beckham. he can be the official speedo wearer.

Posted by: leggings | July 9, 2008 1:13 PM

what about that italian soccer captain from last week? cavanna? i dont remember how to spell his name.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 1:39 PM | Report abuse

I was reading the Reliable Source chat after the fact (actually had to work during) and in response to some kerfuffle Roxanne said, 'Everybody calm down'. My first thought was, 'hey, you spelled that wrong'.

Posted by: jes | July 9, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

Can I have a job? Really, it's safer for all if I'm not allowed idle time. Chief minimus equi herder or guarding the watchtower on the Bridge of Death.

I promise to use my powers only for evil, never good.

Posted by: epony | July 9, 2008 2:28 PM | Report abuse

Well, Chris, that's not surprising considering what your two offspring are named.

Levi's not nearly as bad, although if the kid has his dad's last name, it doesn't really go too well. I was hoping for something like Jack.

If someone serenaded me with Guns 'n Roses, I'd break up with him immediately. Not only do I hate their music, but that weird singer dude beats women.

Posted by: Californian | July 9, 2008 2:29 PM | Report abuse

I promise to use my powers only for evil, never good.

Posted by: epony | July 9, 2008 2:28 PM

*****************************************

How could anyone say no to a sales pitch like that. OK I appoint you Chief minimus equi herder and subsequently place you in charge of the stable boys (think Cary Elwes a la Princess Bride) who shovel the celinedion.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 9, 2008 2:32 PM | Report abuse

I've always thought Beckham and Hugh Jackman were both geigher than a treeful of parrots.

Sorry, ladies. We might want to invite some real men to the island.

Posted by: Not a fan of Beckham | July 9, 2008 2:33 PM | Report abuse

I want to invite Ryan Gosling. He IS dreamy.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | July 9, 2008 2:39 PM | Report abuse

And on the island, I'd like to be the spiritual leader. That is, if you're cool being a Pastafarian.

Ramen.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | July 9, 2008 2:39 PM | Report abuse

I offer to be official pouch inspector, if you need one. I can make sure no pouches are artificially embiggened.
And all this talk about celinedion makes me think of one of my favorite Monty Python quotes: "We've got piles of it out back."

Posted by: possum | July 9, 2008 2:42 PM | Report abuse

A couple of years ago, our septic system backed up into the house the same day that the air conditioning broke down in the heat of summer. Celinedion doesn't begin to describe it****
howling w/laughter. sorry. don't mean to be unkind, but the visual and olfactory aspects are stupendous.

Posted by: janet feels comforted she is not alone in plumbing disasters | July 9, 2008 2:48 PM | Report abuse

Hey, am I being discriminated against because of my lack of luv for the soccer player? I want a title, too, dammitt.

Posted by: jake e. poo | July 9, 2008 2:48 PM | Report abuse

i nominate luvlinsey to be our resident speller/grammar police.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 2:49 PM | Report abuse

the event reminded me of Frank Zappa
***
anyone for lumpy gravy or 200 motels?

Posted by: janet smiles remembering zappa creations | July 9, 2008 2:50 PM | Report abuse

"If someone serenaded me with Guns 'n Roses, I'd break up with him immediately." - Posted by: Californian

***

Romo acted preemptively. Ms. Simpson was going to "sing" to him if he hadn't stepped up. He took one for the team, as it were.

Posted by: byoolin chooses the lesser of two evils. | July 9, 2008 2:51 PM | Report abuse

How could anyone say no to a sales pitch like that. OK I appoint you Chief minimus equi herder and subsequently place you in charge of the stable boys (think Cary Elwes a la Princess Bride) who shovel the celinedion.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 9, 2008 2:32 PM

-------------

This is why you get to be the Tribal Cheftain, Dorkus. You are soooo wise.

it's done. Bring on the fan wavers.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 2:52 PM | Report abuse

Ha, I'm around but infrequently. People are just seeming to want things from me at work lately. Usually I speed through reading and then add something if I have anything to say. Still reading and enjoying you all though :)

Earlier I did try to start a Redskins-Cowboys war, but no one bought. Come on people, preseason starts soon.

Posted by: Sigh | July 9, 2008 2:53 PM | Report abuse

byoolin chooses the lesser of two evils

****************************************

It could have been worse, Ashley Simpson could have sang.

Posted by: Dorkus M. | July 9, 2008 2:53 PM | Report abuse

Redskins r ful of celinedion. GO COWBOYS!!!

Posted by: luvcowboys | July 9, 2008 2:55 PM | Report abuse

Sigh, so you did! I take back the insinuation that you are our favorite TTT impersonator.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | July 9, 2008 2:56 PM | Report abuse

i nominate myself as the official dog walker and jalapeno cheetos supplier.

Posted by: janet will bring frankie along to keep order | July 9, 2008 2:56 PM | Report abuse

Could have SUNG!

Posted by: Grammar Police | July 9, 2008 2:58 PM | Report abuse

I want a title, too, dammitt. - Posted by: jake e. poo

*****

I submit you should be the Island's doppelganger detector, in charging of weeding out those who would impersonate us or our friends and guests. I further submit that you are uniquely qualified as a result of having lived the misery, as documented in the following October 2007 exchange:

"I am inclined to think that Reese isn't with Jake (or Jakeypoo has he is affectionaly known in certain circles) at all..." - Posted by: Melissa | October 15, 2007 2:41 PM

"...Also how dare Jake G. steal my nom de plume. - Posted by: jake e. poo

Posted by: byoolin | July 9, 2008 3:01 PM | Report abuse

Could have SUNG!

Posted by: Grammar Police | July 9, 2008 2:58 PM
*****************************************

Oops, wasn't conjugating properly. I now hang my head in SMAME.

Posted by: Dorkus M. | July 9, 2008 3:02 PM | Report abuse

If you don't want that job, you could run of our island's Chinese restaurant district. Of course, we're sure to be a dysfunctional government, getting nothing done, and you'll be driven mad by people constantly reminding you of that with a shrug and a "Forget it, jake e. poo, it's Chinatown."

Posted by: byoolin golightly | July 9, 2008 3:04 PM | Report abuse

Can we invite Christian Bale too??? And Vincent D'Onofrio?

Posted by: smiff | July 9, 2008 3:05 PM | Report abuse

It could have been worse, Ashley Simpson could have sang.

Posted by: Dorkus M. | July 9, 2008 2:53 PM

****

Fully-fledged b*st*rd of a good point.

Posted by: byoolin amends his previous statement: the lesser of THREE evils. | July 9, 2008 3:06 PM | Report abuse

I didn't realize I was going to have Daniel Craig picking up drinks from the CI Tiki Bar. I trust I'm allowed to "kitchen pass" with the staff and won't be brought up on harassment charges.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 3:08 PM | Report abuse

I think Megan Fox is now trying to figure out how to change the "Brian" tatoo in her privacies region to "Brain" now that they've broken up (or are breaking up).

Why the heck DO people do this?

******

And speaking of suspicious absences, in addition to sunnydaze and sigh, what about jabbbub (did I spell that right?)?

Posted by: alex | July 9, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

hey, leave ashley simson alone! she rocks! u all r just jelus of her talents.

Posted by: luvashley | July 9, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

SMAME, byoolin! It's the lesser of two evils, but the least of three evils.

Posted by: Grammar police | July 9, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

Celinedion! Sigh showed up and ruined my theory. Oh, well. There's still sunnydaze to pin this on.

Posted by: alex | July 9, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

I trust I'm allowed to "kitchen pass" with the staff and won't be brought up on harassment charges.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 3:08 PM

*******************************************
You'll have to check with Attorney General ep on that.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 9, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

what about that italian soccer captain from last week? cavanna? i dont remember how to spell his name.

Posted by: | July 9, 2008 1:39 PM

Cannavaro.

and just for jakee poo -
images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=Cannavaro&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

"SMAME, byoolin! It's the lesser of two evils, but the least of three evils." - Posted by: Grammar police

I stand corrected. But if you saw my 'Chinatown' pun, you'd know for sure that I have no SMAME.

Posted by: byoolin | July 9, 2008 3:18 PM | Report abuse

Redskins r ful of celinedion. GO COWBOYS!!!
Posted by: luvcowboys

I will end you.

Posted by: Bawlmer is not affilliated with the Simpson clan. | July 9, 2008 3:19 PM | Report abuse

I trust I'm allowed to "kitchen pass" with the staff and won't be brought up on harassment charges.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 3:08 PM

*******************************************
You'll have to check with Attorney General ep on that.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 9, 2008 3:12 PM
************
What say ye, AG ep? Surely Daniel Craig is kitchen pass material even if I'm the Tiki Bartender and he's a drink server. I'll defer to your judgment (unless it goes against me, of course.)

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 3:19 PM | Report abuse

This is on the AP wire:

"The hospital where Angelina Jolie will give birth says it has covered the windows of her room with a special material to prevent paparazzi from taking pictures of the actress and her partner, Brad Pitt....

"In a statement, the hospital said it is 'totally impossible' to see inside the room from the outside due to a material on the windows that camera lenses cannot see through.

"The statement wasn't specific but hospital spokeswoman Nadine Bauer said she believed the material was a type of film..."

Or, as they call them in countries other than France, "curtains."

Posted by: byoolin says the judges will also accept "drapes, blinds, shutters, or paint on the glass." | July 9, 2008 3:21 PM | Report abuse

bawlmer ur just jelus.

Posted by: luvcowboys | July 9, 2008 3:24 PM | Report abuse

"The statement wasn't specific but hospital spokeswoman Nadine Bauer said she believed the material was a type of film..."

Are you sure it's not aluminum foil?

Posted by: Nosy Parker | July 9, 2008 3:24 PM | Report abuse

Also, am I still on island security? I'd like to request a walrus for mounted patrols around the harbor.

Posted by: Bawlmer | July 9, 2008 3:26 PM | Report abuse

Okay, foil too.

I blame its exclusion on byoolin the unfairness of space-limiting handles.

Posted by: byoolin will also accept any opaque medium which covers the window. | July 9, 2008 3:27 PM | Report abuse

Not technically celebrity/celebritology news, but the Boulder police just officially cleared John and Patsy Ramsey in the murder on JonBenet Ramsey. Well, duh. No moss on these geniuses of law enforcement is there?

Posted by: alex | July 9, 2008 3:28 PM | Report abuse

A walrus?


Posted by: Next thing you know, we'll be overrun by Eggmen, goo goo goo joobyoolin. | July 9, 2008 3:28 PM | Report abuse

Angelina is being so selfish. Having children AND wanting privacy. Yeesh.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 3:29 PM | Report abuse

And a TTT-seeking laser.

Posted by: Bawlmer prefers the Lockheed M-51 "Gramminatrix". | July 9, 2008 3:29 PM | Report abuse

You can make nice stew out of overkill. Just scoop it up while it's still warm and put it in the Hot Pot.

Posted by: possum | July 9, 2008 12:38 PM

Ahhh, now I get what happened here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/09/AR2008070900656.html?hpid=moreheadlines

Six folks sick on stew in Mont. County? Guess they neglected to use fresh overkill...

Posted by: delurker21113 | July 9, 2008 3:30 PM | Report abuse

I want a job too! How about Official Sign Maker? I can make loads of directional signs in all sorts of obscure (and not so obscure) languages. And we could intentionally misdirect some visitors to the Bridge of Death by calling it the Bridge of Hope, etc. Fun stuff like that.

Pretty please? With sugar and cute kitties on top?

Posted by: B'More Cat and Island Lover | July 9, 2008 3:31 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer yes you are on island security, unfortunately for you the uniforms are navy, silver, and white with a large star on the hat.

Posted by: Dorkus M. | July 9, 2008 3:32 PM | Report abuse

I am inclined to think that Reese isn't with Jake (or Jakeypoo has he is affectionaly known in certain circles) at all..." - Posted by: Melissa | October 15, 2007 2:41 PM

"...Also how dare Jake G. steal my nom de plume. - Posted by: jake e. poo


Posted by: byoolin | July 9, 2008 3:01 PM

---------------

Damn, byoo, I don't even remember that.

You have presented two very interesting choices. What to do, what to do. I was kinda hoping for a position where I could lie out all day drinking mojitos and having sweaty soccer players rub sunscreen on my doughy body.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 3:32 PM | Report abuse

that was me at 3:32 pm

Posted by: jake e. poo | July 9, 2008 3:34 PM | Report abuse

"A walrus?"
I have a lot of anti-paparazzo armament to carry. Besides, have you seen those tusks? Give me six months for training and we'll be sinking boats.

Posted by: Bawlmer | July 9, 2008 3:34 PM | Report abuse

Okay, a few more people have been added to the cabal:

RiverCityRoller-Chief Priest/Pastafarian (Ramen)

possum-pouch inspector (no embiggening people)


jake.e.poo-Meat inspector (by meat I mean Italian futbol players)

B'more Cat-Director of Signs and Misinformation

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 9, 2008 3:38 PM | Report abuse

Guys... i've missed you so. I managed to pop on today only to find you all island bound... I wanna come! Can I have an official title like

Chief Scout for new hot manflesh (I could promise not to discriminate and provide femflesh too!)

or or or

Or Champion Applauder (with a nod to Will Rogers "we can't all be hero's someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by). I believe I would be a strong contributor to the Island Team and am well qualified for this position as my past professional experience includes sitting on the curb (aka lurking) and occasionally spitting soda at my monitor after a particularly brilliant byoolinisim (a violent form of applause)...

Posted by: LTL | July 9, 2008 3:38 PM | Report abuse

"I was kinda hoping for a position where I could lie out all day drinking mojitos and having sweaty soccer players rub sunscreen on my doughy body." - Posted by: jake e. poo

****

Jake, it's practically a security guard position. It will be a matter of days before you'll have the same exquisite physique that Chris Farley was famous for.

Posted by: byoolin averts his eyes. | July 9, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

I was in New Haven at the same time a certain First Daughter was there, and you could tell which window was hers in the dorm, because every other window shimmered in the sunlight and hers was flat with bulletproof glass and an anti-telephoto lens cover. I still managed to get a shot of her getting plastered underage at Toad's.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | July 9, 2008 3:40 PM | Report abuse

LTL-Chief of Violent Applause

Posted by: Dorkus M. | July 9, 2008 3:40 PM | Report abuse

BYOOLIN!!! What are you doing fondling Brigitte Neilsen's boobs?

Hmmm...I guess I answered my own question.
Let me try again:

Byoolin! What are you doing impersonating a cosmetic surgeon?

Hmmm...not any better.

One more time:

Byoolin! How were you able to impersonate a cosmetic surgeon so as to be able to fondle Brigitte Nielsen's boobs?

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 9, 2008 3:40 PM | Report abuse

hi guyz! just wanted to share with u all my second BFF's new single! ali sounds gr8 and i preedict that it will go strate to number 1.

www.people.com/people/article/0,,20211267,00.html

Posted by: luvlinsey | July 9, 2008 3:44 PM | Report abuse

Sounds more like Number 2 to me, if you know what I mean, luvlinsey.

Posted by: Sasquatch holds his nose | July 9, 2008 3:48 PM | Report abuse

"I still managed to get a shot of her getting plastered underage at Toad's."

Photo link, please!

I regret making two snark mistakes in one post earlier in the day. I don't even have an exploding toilet to blame.

Posted by: Angela | July 9, 2008 3:50 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, may I have the job of tasting all the drinks at methinks' Tiki Bar and being perpetually amused at Secretary of State byoolin's proclamations?

Posted by: jes | July 9, 2008 3:50 PM | Report abuse

I promise to applaud most violently when Colin Firth walks by in his mankini or when Possum stops one of the Manhattan Projects from embiggening her pouch.

Sorry officially refocusing on work... see y'all next week!

Posted by: LTL | July 9, 2008 3:53 PM | Report abuse

Sounds more like Number 2 to me, if you know what I mean, luvlinsey.

Posted by: Sasquatch holds his nose | July 9, 2008 3:48 PM


thats not true. ali's song is wonderful and its a real good hiphop type r-n-b song. i luv how she says "falling." its so musicl and majical.

Posted by: luvlinsey | July 9, 2008 3:54 PM | Report abuse

"Bawlmer yes you are on island security, unfortunately for you the uniforms are navy, silver, and white with a large star on the hat.
Posted by: Dorkus M."

DORKUUUUUUS! ::Bawlmer shakes fists skyward in impotent rage::

Posted by: Bawlmer will be changing into a matte black wetsuit at the earliest opportunity. | July 9, 2008 3:55 PM | Report abuse

Angela, it was on the old fashioned type of camera. I'll dig around at home and see if I can find a print to scan. We used to like to try to guess who were the Secret Service people in the bar.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | July 9, 2008 4:02 PM | Report abuse

"I'm getting a complete renewal: facelift, eyelift, fat injections in my face, liposuction, a breast lift and I need new teeth."

So does Grampa!

Posted by: Brigitte Nielsen | July 9, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

I bet if I contacted a few friends from high school, I could dig up some photos of some soon to be first daughters getting plastered.

Posted by: Dorkus | July 9, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

I like to sleep in, so no early morning services. All services will be held at the Tiki Bar, whenever we get around to them.

May His Noodley Appendage Touch you all,
Ramen.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller, High Priestess of Celebritology Island | July 9, 2008 4:05 PM | Report abuse

Posted by: byoolin will also accept any opaque medium which covers the window. | July 9, 2008 3:27 PM

===
celinedion, perhaps?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 4:06 PM | Report abuse

"soon to be first daughters"??

The Obama kids seem way too young for that....

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | July 9, 2008 4:06 PM | Report abuse

Why isn't Pastafarian in the Lizard Glossary? Mudge? Mudge???

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 4:07 PM | Report abuse

"soon to be first daughters"??

The Obama kids seem way too young for that....

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | July 9, 2008 4:06 PM

****************************************
Sorry, more specifically it should have read "then soon to be".

Also, I just had an idea come to me, since the island will have many minimus equi, maybe we could get a certain Mike Rowe to come and clean out the stables?

Posted by: Dorkus M. | July 9, 2008 4:09 PM | Report abuse

Prolly because it's not something we made up

www.venganza.org/
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | July 9, 2008 4:09 PM | Report abuse

thats not true. ali's song is wonderful and its a real good hiphop type r-n-b song. i luv how she says "falling." its so musicl and majical.

Posted by: luvlinsey | July 9, 2008 3:54 PM

I must applaud luvlinsey's commitment. S/he actually listened to Li'l Lilo's song.

Posted by: mouse | July 9, 2008 4:10 PM | Report abuse

hi guyz! just wanted to share with u all my second BFF's new single! ali sounds gr8 and i preedict that it will go strate to number 1.

www.people.com/people/article/0,,20211267,00.html

Posted by: luvlinsey | July 9, 2008 3:44 PM


Yes its DEFINITELY going to number one on the charts. I think we all love hearing white girls sing R&B/hiphop. although after listening to the track, i'm not sure "sing" is the appropriate word. perhaps "screech" is a better adjective.

Posted by: for luvlinsey | July 9, 2008 4:13 PM | Report abuse

I may stow away on the boat to the island, but please don't assign me any responsibilities upon my arrival. I'm really only good for griping and slacking. (OK, possibly some ogling if I'm awake. But that's it.)

Posted by: alex | July 9, 2008 4:18 PM | Report abuse

...posting to the correct thread...

LET'S JUST DO IT!!!

BREAKING JEWELERY NEWS:

DJ/girlfriend Samantha Ronson paid nearly $22,000 for a Cartier diamond ring for Lindsay Lohan on Monday. The two were out in Los Angeles window shopping, when Ronson, 30, bought the ring as a birthday gift for Lohan, Britain's The Daily Mirror reports.


Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 4:19 PM | Report abuse

Psst. That's not the "real" luvlinsey. Someone's covering for sunnydaze.

Posted by: alex | July 9, 2008 4:20 PM | Report abuse

MoCo! I thought I needed a nap. That item was in Liz's Rumor Mill yesterday. No one bothered to comment on it, including luvlinsey.

Posted by: alex | July 9, 2008 4:22 PM | Report abuse

Breaking washed-up celebrity wannabe designer news:

Retail apparel chain Steve & Barry's files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Not even Sarah Jessica Parker's "Bitten" can trump a recession.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 4:22 PM | Report abuse

My official job is lay about, just hang around person and official oiler of all acceptable actors, football players and other invitees to the island. Someone has to ensure that these guys don't get ashy.

Posted by: petal, if that were a real job, I'd never retire | July 9, 2008 4:24 PM | Report abuse

Psst. That's not the "real" luvlinsey. Someone's covering for sunnydaze.

Posted by: alex | July 9, 2008 4:20 PM

y r u saying its not me? i'm luvlinsey and i would tell u if ther were an imposter. u r just jelus of my bff linsey and my second mom dina. and now u r jelous of my no.2 BFF, ali who has an awsum song out.

Posted by: luvlinsey | July 9, 2008 4:26 PM | Report abuse

It's breaking all over the AP wire. Guess it's a slow celebrity news day. The other breaking story is how Nick Cannon "kidnapped" Mariah Carey to propose to her.

A second time. In a helicopter.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | July 9, 2008 4:27 PM | Report abuse

My official job is lay about, just hang around person and official oiler of all acceptable actors, football players and other invitees to the island. Someone has to ensure that these guys don't get ashy.

Posted by: petal, if that were a real job, I'd never retire | July 9, 2008 4:24 PM


i thought on our island, that they'd be applying lotion on US?

Posted by: James from the Block | July 9, 2008 4:28 PM | Report abuse

All Lizards are welcome on the island, and while you don't have to have an official job while there, it would be most appreciated if during your stay you helped to maintain the pristine surrounding of our little slice of paradise.

Posted by: Dorkus | July 9, 2008 4:28 PM | Report abuse

Chief Dorkus, I'll be happy to pick up the trash, if you know what I mean.

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 9, 2008 4:31 PM | Report abuse

Thanks. I wouldn't litter--or snore. And you could use me as ballast, as needed.

Posted by: alex is just tired | July 9, 2008 4:32 PM | Report abuse

Chief Dorkus, I'll be happy to pick up the trash, if you know what I mean.

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 9, 2008 4:31 PM

*******************************************

Did we suddenly invite Denise Richards to the Island?

Posted by: Dorkus | July 9, 2008 4:34 PM | Report abuse

I also was a Cub Scout den mother, so I know lots of nifty songs and games, like "Throw her out the window". We can use it on anyone who is embiggening themselves (verboten).

Posted by: possum | July 9, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

gasp my post eons ago about co-hotties colin firth and hugh jackman made curmudgeon's island list!! i am so happy and excited i'm like a lab puppy wiggling on the floor! thank you curmudgeon for making my entire week.
(now back to reading and playing catch up with ya'll.)

Posted by: melissamac1 | July 9, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

James on the block,

They would but I wouldn't want them to get too dry and ashy so I'm willing to perform the service of keeping them moisturized, this way their hands stay smooth and soft for you all. I sure hope that job isn't already taken.

See, I'm helping the island really, not myself.

Posted by: petal | July 9, 2008 4:37 PM | Report abuse

y r u saying its not me? i'm luvlinsey and i would tell u if ther were an imposter. u r just jelus of my bff linsey and my second mom dina. and now u r jelous of my no.2 BFF, ali who has an awsum song out.

Posted by: luvlinsey | July 9, 2008 4:26 PM

The real luvlinsey would know that the correct spelling is "alsom."

Posted by: Pebbles | July 9, 2008 4:38 PM | Report abuse

bawlmer,
be sure the walrus has a nice blue bukkit or it will mutiny.

Posted by: b | July 9, 2008 4:42 PM | Report abuse

RCR have you also been touched by his noodly appendage?

Posted by: b | July 9, 2008 4:44 PM | Report abuse

I will allow Roger and Rafa to pass. They can embiggen all they want. And then Rafa's arms need to be rubbed down with olive oil.

Posted by: possum | July 9, 2008 4:45 PM | Report abuse

too all the haterz - u should actualy LISTEN to ali's song before u say its bad. she's awsum and u guys are just jelus. here is the link agayn, so lisen to it.

www.people.com/people/article/0,,20211267,00.html

Posted by: luvlinsey | July 9, 2008 4:46 PM | Report abuse

ok i'm all caught up now and all i can say is holy celinedion another one of my past posts made it to a comment. this time from head of state and all around bad a** byoolin at 3:01 p.m. i feel like sally fields at the oscars (you like me, you really like me.) now i need to go find me a sparkly dress and a bottle of the cheapest champaigne to celebrate this momentous occasion.

Posted by: melissamac1 | July 9, 2008 4:48 PM | Report abuse

Man, its hard to keep up with all the Lizard Island business. I am being forced to work by The Man, they're making me earn my paycheck.

One question though...will the island be clothing optional?

Posted by: jake e. poo | July 9, 2008 4:57 PM | Report abuse

hell yes it will jakepoo. i know i plan on showing up propper nacked.

Posted by: melissamac1 | July 9, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

Christie Brinkley divorce trial may be headed for settlement
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2008/07/09/2008-07-09_christie_brinkley_divorce_trial_may_be_h.html

Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook are trying to hash out a custody agreement during a four-hour break in their divorce trial, the Daily News has learned.

Testimony is delayed until 3 p.m. while the two sides hold talks, a source said.

Brinkley, 54, and Cook, 49, were coy about whether progress was being made.

Asked whether she wanted to settle, the supermodel clasped her hands together and told reporters: "It's what I pray for."

Cook was cryptic.

"Do you like a cake when it's half-baked or when it's finished?" the architect asked the media...

Posted by: Me like cake batter!!! | July 9, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

Someone was ironing togas yesterday and the actors and atheletes will be equipped with speedos and old time swim trunks. I haven't a clue as to what byoolin and sas have in mind for the chicks so we might have a clothing optional section.

By the way where's td?

Posted by: petal | July 9, 2008 5:01 PM | Report abuse

I also was a Cub Scout den mother, so I know lots of nifty songs and games, like "Throw her out the window". We can use it on anyone who is embiggening themselves (verboten).

Posted by: possum | July 9, 2008 4:36 PM


Possum, I have an entire book of Icelandic Rútaferðasöngvar...songs that one sings on long bus trips. Typically while drinking. You will all love them. I also know a few German drinking songs, and am happy to lead the drunken sing-a-longs around the beach campfire.

Posted by: B'More Cat and Song Lover | July 9, 2008 5:02 PM | Report abuse

I have an entire book of Icelandic Rútaferðasöngvar

That's easy for you to say!

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 5:05 PM | Report abuse

Cook was cryptic.

"Do you like a cake when it's half-baked or when it's finished?" the architect asked the media...

Posted by: Me like cake batter!!! | July 9, 2008 5:00 PM


Peter Cook, if you liked yours fully baked, you wouldn't be standing there in divorce court, now would you?

Posted by: epony | July 9, 2008 5:08 PM | Report abuse

Well, the book's nickname is the Tummakukka Mimis. Do you prefer that, Anon?

Posted by: B'More Cat and Iceland Lover | July 9, 2008 5:08 PM | Report abuse

One question though...will the island be clothing optional?

Posted by: jake e. poo | July 9, 2008 4:57 PM

hell yes it will jakepoo. i know i plan on showing up propper nacked.

Posted by: melissamac1 | July 9, 2008 5:00 PM

as long as people are waxed and not all gross and fat.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 5:09 PM | Report abuse

I, Curmudgeon, hereby propose that this fine day be officially declared a BKD.

Also, Chief, jake.e.poo is already the Lizard Island Doppelganger Detecktor. Is it piling on too much celinedion to include Meat Inspecktor?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 5:11 PM | Report abuse

Hair removal on the island is optional. We all love and respect one another to not force one idea of beauty on everyone.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 9, 2008 5:14 PM | Report abuse

as long as people are waxed and not all gross and fat.

Posted by: | July 9, 2008 5:09 PM

*********************

I vote no anonymous posters on the island.

Posted by: jake e. poo | July 9, 2008 5:14 PM | Report abuse

Also, Chief, jake.e.poo is already the Lizard Island Doppelganger Detecktor. Is it piling on too much celinedion to include Meat Inspecktor?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 5:11 PM

*******************************************

Very true, the job of meat inspector will now be the responsibility of petal.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 9, 2008 5:15 PM | Report abuse

I was hoping to wear a sarong and a flower behind my ear while tending the CI Tiki Bar. I thought Daniel and the Italian Men's Soccer Team would look good in loincloths.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 5:15 PM | Report abuse

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2008/07/jesse-ventura-m.html

Jesse Ventura, the former pro wrestler and sometime-actor who improbably won the governorship of Minnesota a decade ago, may again roil his state's political waters. Then again, he may not.

Ventura has been hinting for months that he might make an already closely watched Senate race between Republican incumbent Norm Coleman and Democratic challenger Al Franken a three-way affair; back in May, he told Larry King on CNN, "I'm weighing it right now."

Posted by: Two celebs in the same three-way? | July 9, 2008 5:17 PM | Report abuse

Chief Dorkus, I'll be happy to pick up the trash, if you know what I mean.

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 9, 2008 4:31 PM

*******************************************

Did we suddenly invite Denise Richards to the Island?

Posted by: Dorkus | July 9, 2008 4:34 PM

***********

Oh. Thanks. I had that lowering feeling he was talking about me.

Posted by: alex confesses to being a layabout | July 9, 2008 5:19 PM | Report abuse

Why isn't Pastafarian in the Lizard Glossary? Mudge? Mudge???

Posted by: | July 9, 2008 4:07 PM

-------
Whew! Pastafarian is now in the Glossary - thanks for the tip and may the Ramen be with you.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 5:19 PM | Report abuse

Hair removal on the island is optional. We all love and respect one another to not force one idea of beauty on everyone.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus, Celebritology Island Tribal Chieftan | July 9, 2008 5:14 PM

ummm, none of us want to see non-waxed people who look like they are wearing sweaters.

Posted by: regular commentator | July 9, 2008 5:19 PM | Report abuse

I vote no anonymous posters on the island.

Posted by: jake e. poo | July 9, 2008 5:14 PM

geez, you are a really negative person. you're anti-luvlinsey, anti-soccer players, anti-anonymous posters, etc. why are you so bitter and sour?

Posted by: Anonymous | July 9, 2008 5:22 PM | Report abuse

See, I'm helping the island really, not myself.

Posted by: petal | July 9, 2008 4:37 PM

*********

That's what we all like about you, petal. You're always putting other first. You're a true humanitarian of the first order.

Posted by: alex salutes petal's selflessness | July 9, 2008 5:22 PM | Report abuse

For your evening drive-time pleasure:

The CABAL of Lizard Island's Fearless Leaders is as follows:

Lizard Island Tribal Chieftain Gaius Dorkus Maximus

Lizard Island Attorney General ep

Lizard Island Boat's Water Emptier Bai Ling

Lizard Island Chief Adviser for Island Activities Curmudgeon

Lizard Island Chief of Meat Inspection Petal (who will ensure that Lizard Island serves only prime beef)

Lizard Island Chief Minimus Equi Herder epony (who is also in charge of the stable boys)

Lizard Island Chief Priest (Pastafarian) RiverCityRoller (who is especially good at the Ramen Ritual)

Lizard Island Chief of Security Bawlmer (unfortunately, the uniforms are navy, silver, and white with a large star on the hat)

Lizard Island Chief of Violent Applause LTL (who will be demanding a new monitor every day)

Lizard Island Direcktor of Signs and Misinformation B'more cat (who will confound the interlopers)

Lizard Island Doppelganger Detecktor jake.e.poo (who is in charge of weeding out those who would impersonate us or our friends and guests)

Lizard Island Intra-island Bike Messenger Lizuarte Martins

Lizard Island Minister of Keeping Track of Emmy Nomination Refusals musicgeek (name withdrawn from consideration)

Lizard Island Mixed-drink Servers Daniel Craig and the Spanish soccer team

Lizard Island Official Torch-holding Speedo-wearer Beckham (the Island's only CABAL-sanctioned Speedo wearer)

Lizard Island Party Chairperson Gaia Groovis Maximus

Lizard Island Pouch Inspecktor Possum (who will guard against unauthorized embiggening)

Lizard Island Renewable Energy Source Paris and her Manhattan Project dumb belles

Lizard Island Secretary of Defense Sasquatch (mostly due to his body odor and thick, impenetrable pelt)

Lizard Island Secretary of State Byoolin

Lizard Island Tea Servers Hugh Jackman and Colin Firth (serve everyone tea and say things in their great accents)

Lizard Island Tiki Bar Tender methinks (maker of the perfect mojito)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 5:31 PM | Report abuse

Terry Bollea has some experience "oiling." However, I don't suggest having him on the island unless we want inbred children.

Posted by: Mz Fitz | July 9, 2008 5:33 PM | Report abuse

Have you ever seen Jamie Oliver rubbing marinade on a chicken? Pretty sexy. Let's invite him.

Posted by: possum, who needs a cold shower before getting too excited and playing dead | July 9, 2008 5:35 PM | Report abuse

Trash = MMs + (TTTs - luvlinsey) + TomKats

We exclude luvlinsey because s/he is a Lizard in disguise.

I will allow Celebs on The Island if and only if one or more of the following conditions is true:

1. They offer to buy a round of drinks for the house at the Island Tiki Bar. or if they are donating bling or designer shoes to Lizards.

2. They are Body Beautifuls wearing appropriately skimpy clothing.

3. They are NOT promoting any new Itune or MP3 releases or "reality" shows.

4.They are on the "kitchen pass" list of one or more Lizards and have agreed to a Kitchen Pass Assignation with one or more -- preferably two or more -- Lizards. Because it's a tropical island, boots are optional. Bootless Knockin' is the norm.

5. NO #*&damn paparazzi or agents accompany them.

6. They agree NOT to shop photos of their designer kids or shill for their favorite cause.

7. Chief Dorkus Maximus or other members of the Tribal Council who have been delegated authority can officially vouch for the Celebs good conduct.

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 9, 2008 5:39 PM | Report abuse

If Jamie Oliver is made official Lizard Island chef, I bet he could get us girl-lizards to eat our vegetables!

Posted by: Nosy Parker | July 9, 2008 5:40 PM | Report abuse

ok, Lizards, Sasquatch has put forth a list of directives.

Let's all raise our right hands and place our left on a container of Ramen noodles and so swear.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 5:46 PM | Report abuse

If Jamie Oliver is made official Lizard Island chef, I bet he could get us girl-lizards to eat our vegetables!

Posted by: Nosy Parker | July 9, 2008 5:40 PM

=========

WHAT?? A revolt????? Already???????

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 5:47 PM | Report abuse

Vegetables.

Dance Moves.

We're just brimming over with euphemisms today, aren't we?

Posted by: anonymous | July 9, 2008 5:49 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon, Lizard Island already has a celebu-chef?

Posted by: Nosy Parker | July 9, 2008 5:52 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon, Lizard Island already has a celebu-chef?

Posted by: Nosy Parker | July 9, 2008 5:52 P

=======

OMG!! I read it incorrectly. I read chief for chef. yipes. Stand down, Lizard commandos. It was just a brain freeze on my part.

NO, no chef yet

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 5:54 PM | Report abuse

um...if we go for the hairless thing sasquatch couldn't come on the island which would be a bit of a downer since he is our secretary of defense.

Posted by: melissamac1 | July 9, 2008 5:55 PM | Report abuse

There, there, Curmudgeon. It's late.

Posted by: Nosy Parker | July 9, 2008 5:58 PM | Report abuse

Wow, bountiful posting today--took me forever to catch up to y'all.

I want a job on the island. What do you say Dorkus?

Byoo, your post is the only reason I went and looked at those Brigitte pix...I may never forgive you.

Posted by: hermespal | July 9, 2008 5:59 PM | Report abuse

Don't forget that janet is handling dog walking duties and will keep everyone who wants them supplied with jalapeno cheddar Cheetos.

She's also bringing Frankie (the dingleberry remover) along to help maintain order. So, if Jamie Oliver HAD tried to rally the women-folk to stage a coup, Frankie would be on duty. Altho, she be careful to leave those particular dingleberries intact.

I'd be too busy officially slacking to do anything one way or the other.

Posted by: alex | July 9, 2008 6:10 PM | Report abuse

Seriously, hermespal.

Brigitte was bad enough, but that was the creepiest "doctor" ever.

Posted by: alex | July 9, 2008 6:13 PM | Report abuse

Methinks -- no sexual harassment laws on the island. Have fun. Just leave some for the rest of us.

We will have a restricted First Amendment freedom of the press. No papparazzi. That will keep all the celebs who won't travel anywhere if they don't get their picture taken away from the Island. I'm think of a list here and in the first name on it begins with A. An additional benefit of that is a certain Houston Congressperson won't come either.

Posted by: ep | July 9, 2008 6:15 PM | Report abuse

a certain Houston Congressperson

Posted by: ??? | July 9, 2008 6:28 PM | Report abuse

Alex sez:

"Seriously, hermespal.

Brigitte was bad enough, but that was the creepiest "doctor" ever.
----------------------------------------

Hey! You're talkin' 'bout Byoolin!

Posted by: Sasquatch | July 9, 2008 6:38 PM | Report abuse

I don't know who ep is alluding to, either, but I just looked up the TX congressional delegation and it must be Sheila Jackson Lee. Is she a camera hog? She doesn't get much play around here.

But, yeah, she can't come to the island.

Posted by: alex | July 9, 2008 6:39 PM | Report abuse

I'm not going back for a second look, but that "doctor" reminded me of Warren Jeffs when I first looked at him--in more ways than one.

Posted by: alex is totally creeped out | July 9, 2008 6:42 PM | Report abuse

melisamac writes:

"um...if we go for the hairless thing sasquatch couldn't come on the island which would be a bit of a downer since he is our secretary of defense."
------------------------------------

I can patrol the island perimeter. My job is to keep the island safe for and secure for Lizard relaxation and recreation. You folks have fun at the Tiki Bar with your cabana boyz 'n girlz. I'll make sure your fun time is not interrupted.

Oh Dorkus, I'm gonna need a Patriot battery to take down those pesky pap copters.

Posted by: Sasquatch on Patrol | July 9, 2008 6:44 PM | Report abuse

Many thanks, ep, for the sexual harassment ruling. I like.
By the way, what's the name of the island? Is it Celebritology Island or Lizard Island?

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 6:52 PM | Report abuse

Good grief. There is now such a thing as a brum, a bra for your bum.

http://astrology.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/is-this-ugly-introducing-the-brum-a-bra-for-your-bum-203546/

These must be banned from the island.

(Sas, you can't look at this.)

Posted by: alex rolls eyes and wonders what next? | July 9, 2008 7:26 PM | Report abuse

It's Lizard Island, home of the Celebritology philosophy and culture, where Pastafarianism is practiced in public and knockin' of all sorts is regularly reported and comes highly recommended.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | July 9, 2008 7:49 PM | Report abuse

Oh Jamie. Coup me.

Posted by: possum, who needs to wipe off her chicken and take another cold shower, and is now playing very dead | July 9, 2008 8:11 PM | Report abuse

"Lizard Island Chief of Security Bawlmer (unfortunately, the uniforms are navy, silver, and white with a large star on the hat)"
NOOOOOOOOOO! Do you want me to be exiled from my family?!
::Bawlmer goes off in a huff to attend to Paul the walrus::

Posted by: Bawlmer will be getting propper nacked with all speed, and not just because she sees Daniel Craig at | July 9, 2008 8:19 PM | Report abuse

"Bawlmer will be getting propper nacked with all speed, and not just because she sees Daniel Craig at THE BAR."
Like byoolin, I am thwarted by short signatures.

Posted by: Bawlmer | July 9, 2008 8:21 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer, and others, I think the full name of our local watering hole will be
Lizard Island Tiki Bar: Home of the Perfect Mojito.

Posted by: methinks | July 9, 2008 8:30 PM | Report abuse

She's also bringing Frankie (the dingleberry remover) along to help maintain order. So, if Jamie Oliver HAD tried to rally the women-folk to stage a coup, Frankie would be on duty
***
island/jamie oliver duties have been carefully explained to frankie, who accepts those responsibilities w/one paw lifted on the cesar millan season one dvd.

Posted by: janet knows that frankie is a smartie pants | July 9, 2008 8:39 PM | Report abuse

Wow, so much to read (I was out of town for the day). Bravo, Curmudgeon. One note, though:

Platicated should be Platictaed if we're citing the original source.

And can we move beyond the waxing chat? I mean I love a good joke, but that and soccer players -- enough already. IMHO.

Posted by: td | July 9, 2008 8:39 PM | Report abuse

Jamie Oliver will be instructed to give Frankie small but delicious handouts of people-food.

Posted by: Nosy Parker | July 9, 2008 8:44 PM | Report abuse

Jamie Oliver will be instructed to give Frankie small but delicious handouts of people-food, but only with Janet's permission, of course.

Posted by: Nosy Parker | July 9, 2008 8:45 PM | Report abuse

By the way where's td?

Posted by: petal | July 9, 2008 5:01 PM

------------
Here! Thanks for the shout out, petal. Had to catch a plane early this morning and just got home from a whirlwind travel day and catching up on my Celebritology.

Posted by: td | July 9, 2008 8:58 PM | Report abuse

Jamie Oliver will be instructed to give Frankie small but delicious handouts of people-food, but only with Janet's permission

***
frankie wholeheartedly agrees, but there could be a bean-o issue.

Posted by: janet says frankie will love you forever | July 10, 2008 10:44 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
RSS Feed
Subscribe to The Post

© 2011 The Washington Post Company