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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 08/19/2008

Caption This: We're Suri You're So Cute

By Liz Kelly

While our Creative Captioning exercises usually devolve into a snarkfest within the first few minutes, today's picture (it is hoped) can only inspire us to reach the warm, fuzzy and eternally sunny heights of shameless gushing. Because, no matter how one feels about Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Thetans or baggy jeans -- Suri Cruise is one of the most adorable children to ever step in front of a camera. Come on, you know it -- she makes LOL Cats and even this ridiculously sappy thing look like a piece of highway construction equipment. Even this sneezing baby panda would have a hard tim holding his own next to our girl Suri. She's that cute. Just give in.


(SplashNews)

You know the drill. Share your hilariously apt captions below and the best entry will win its writer the title of "Official Celebritology Captionologist" for the week of Aug. 17 - 23. And a little snark is okay, too. Just go easy, she's only two-years-old (we think).

By Liz Kelly  | August 19, 2008; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Creative Captioning, TomKat  
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Comments

Suri gives her best crazy-eyed Tom Cruise impression for the paps.

Posted by: jes | August 19, 2008 12:56 PM | Report abuse

Suri contemplates the new Kate Holmes-Cruise doll, styled after Katie's scheduled haircut in a few months.

Posted by: Chasmosaur | August 19, 2008 12:59 PM | Report abuse

Suri to doll:
"You just have to prove yourself brave, truthful, unselfish,and ... willing to profess your support of Scientology ... and someday you will be a real boy."

Posted by: Phillygirl | August 19, 2008 1:01 PM | Report abuse

Katie Holmes gets into character for Mannequin III.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 1:06 PM | Report abuse

Aw, Liz, eonline already did a caption contest on a very similar Suri photo. (Their winner was "Wow! You're taller than my dad and more lifelike than my mom.")

Posted by: SatchelFan | August 19, 2008 1:07 PM | Report abuse

"Suri Cruise Prepares to Ditch Her First Thetan"

or,

"Hi, little person, I'm Suri. I'm your big sister. Be patient, Daddy will be here in a moment to bring you to life."

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 1:09 PM | Report abuse

Celebrity babies get all the perks - Suri Cruise shown here with a limited edition Crazy Britney Doll(TM).

Posted by: M Street | August 19, 2008 1:10 PM | Report abuse

Suri: Was your daddy L. Ron too?

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 1:12 PM | Report abuse

Suri looks into the vacant eyes of the baby doll and says "that's the look my mommy always has!"

Posted by: sjcpeach | August 19, 2008 1:13 PM | Report abuse

"This is the way Mommy dances with Daddy!"

Posted by: b | August 19, 2008 1:29 PM | Report abuse

"I'm a Scientologist, are YOU a Scientologist?" Honestly, when I clicked on that picture, that's exactly what I thought. Btw - sneezing panda is cuter. . .

Posted by: WI | August 19, 2008 1:30 PM | Report abuse

A caption just occurred to me. I do not know how or why it came to me. However, it is so tasteless and senselessly brutal that I will not share it. Seriously, I am revolted by my own idea.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 1:34 PM | Report abuse

However, it is so tasteless and senselessly brutal that I will not share it. Seriously, I am revolted by my own idea
****
please, don't let that stop you from sharing.

Posted by: janet begs sas for the lowdown | August 19, 2008 1:36 PM | Report abuse

"Okay, here's the escape plan--I throw you over the wall and you go call social services."

Posted by: spartan | August 19, 2008 1:37 PM | Report abuse

Why does a two year-old have her fingernails painted?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

"We have to go to the spaceship now, Mr. Ron?!"

Posted by: Osteph | August 19, 2008 1:39 PM | Report abuse

how about:
"what did you just say? my daddy wears shoe lifts"?

Posted by: janet sumits a weak comment | August 19, 2008 1:39 PM | Report abuse

(don't worry, Anonymous, sometimes little girls like to have their fingernails painted - then they get over it)

Posted by: Curmudgeon knows these things | August 19, 2008 1:40 PM | Report abuse

Mommy and Daddy say you're my sister, but I think maybe you're adopted.

or

I just LOVE your permanent underwear! I can't wait to get some all of my own!!!

or

You're the only friend I'm allowed to have because you can't hold a camera and scream in my face.

Posted by: flutterbyjen | August 19, 2008 1:40 PM | Report abuse

"Why does a two year-old have her fingernails painted?"

If you weren't Anonymous, I'd answer your question.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 1:40 PM | Report abuse

Why does a two year-old have her fingernails painted?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 1:38 PM

So she's less likely to bite her nails.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 1:41 PM | Report abuse

Why does a two year-old have her fingernails painted?

Posted by: Anonymous
------------------

Because little girls can be like that. They see mommy and want to do exactly what she does (I know from experience!)

If this were my 2-yr old she'd be saying:

Okay baby, don't pee on mommy's good dress!

Posted by: HopesMa | August 19, 2008 1:43 PM | Report abuse

Why does a two year-old have her fingernails painted?

*****
because she's two. remember being 2? as far back as it is in my history, i do. and i also remember putting my mother's lipstick all over the wall. she wasn't as pleased as i was with the result.

Posted by: janet recalls fond memories | August 19, 2008 1:44 PM | Report abuse

Why does a two year-old have her fingernails painted?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 1:38 PM

So she's less likely to bite her nails.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 1:41 PM

Horse manure works just as well. And it's cheaper.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 1:44 PM | Report abuse

Why does a two year-old have her fingernails painted?

*************************

Because it tastes good

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 1:46 PM | Report abuse

I don't wonder about why a two-year-old has her fingernails painted, but I would love to know how they get her to sit still long enough for it to dry.

Heck, I'm pushing thirty from the wrong side & I can barely manage to hang out under the dryers for long enough!

Posted by: LittleMissMuskrat | August 19, 2008 1:47 PM | Report abuse

Why does a two year-old have her fingernails painted?"

If you weren't Anonymous, I'd answer your question.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 1:40 PM

-----------------------------------
Yikes! Sorry, Sasquatch. I hit Submit too soon.

Posted by: clw | August 19, 2008 1:47 PM | Report abuse

Why does a two year-old have her fingernails painted?

*************************

Because it tastes good

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 1:46 PM

Better than horse manure.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 1:47 PM | Report abuse

Horse manure works just as well. And it's cheaper.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 1:44 PM

Are you kidding? Do you know how much it costs to keep a horse? Or even a pony?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 1:49 PM | Report abuse

because she's two. remember being 2? as far back as it is in my history, i do. and i also remember putting my mother's lipstick all over the wall. she wasn't as pleased as i was with the result.

Posted by: janet recalls fond memories | August 19, 2008 1:44 PM
-----------------------------------------
I do, vaguely, remember being two -- that's why I ask. My mom wouldn't have allowed me to paint my nails at two.

Posted by: clw | August 19, 2008 1:50 PM | Report abuse

clw, Training to be a Stepford Wife commences early in a child's upbringing. A future Stepford Wife must learn to always look her best, so as not to embarrass her husband. For that reason, Stepford Wife training includes guidance on the selection and application of appropriate nail treatments at age 2.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 1:50 PM | Report abuse

All right, that's enough of this mommy of a girl stuff.

Let's get on with the snarky captioning.

Posted by: Curmudgeon sounds her clicker | August 19, 2008 1:50 PM | Report abuse

Darn all the "please help mommy and me escape" ideas are gone.

She is darn cute. But the panda is cuter. Mommy panda's reaction is the height of hilariousness. "Wow, where did that come from? How did that do that?" Mamma Pandas are not actually known for their maternal instincts. So a sneezing baby would be a HUGE shock.

Posted by: ep | August 19, 2008 1:52 PM | Report abuse

clw, Training to be a Stepford Wife commences early in a child's upbringing. A future Stepford Wife must learn to always look her best, so as not to embarrass her husband. For that reason, Stepford Wife training includes guidance on the selection and application of appropriate nail treatments at age 2.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 1:50 PM
------------------------------------------
Thanks, Sas. That now makes sense!

Posted by: clw must now clean juice from her monitor | August 19, 2008 1:54 PM | Report abuse

Clever paparazzi can't believe his good fortune in getting the Suri Cruise money shot by hiding a tiny digital camera in a doll's eye.

Posted by: 44west | August 19, 2008 1:55 PM | Report abuse

Gargh!!! Curse you LOL Cats, I was trying to be productive today!

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 1:55 PM | Report abuse

Janet, my renegade caption idea greatly exceeds the bounds of taste, and might be cause for exile from Lizard Island. It may even exceed the Nastiness Quotient of the OP Mean Mommies. I'm not kidding.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 1:56 PM | Report abuse

Well, all my ideas were already taken....I got nothin'.

The picture majorly creeps me out, though. It looks like she's trying to hypnotize (or be hypnotized by) the inanimate doll. But somehow I...can't...look...away.

Posted by: Em | August 19, 2008 1:56 PM | Report abuse

A scene from the National Staring Contest Finals.

****************************************

Ok, come on Sas' now you gotta share.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Janet, my renegade caption idea greatly exceeds the bounds of taste, and might be cause for exile from Lizard Island. It may even exceed the Nastiness Quotient of the OP Mean Mommies. I'm not kidding.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 1:56 PM
------------------------------------------
Oooo! That makes it even better!

Posted by: clw | August 19, 2008 1:58 PM | Report abuse

I'm trying so hard not to audibly laugh over the panda sneeze...that is adorable.

Posted by: 23112 | August 19, 2008 1:59 PM | Report abuse

If Sas's undisclosed caption harks back to the dialog imagined when AJ and BBT first met, perhaps we should be content to giggle in private.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 1:59 PM | Report abuse

"Daddy says Xenu will give me my Thetan powers when I grow up. Then I'll be able to bring you to life!"

Posted by: Centava | August 19, 2008 2:01 PM | Report abuse

"And then the Thetans come back to Earth to take everyone to the big spaceship in the sky. And they lived happily ever after. The End." Suri reads a bedtime story to her friend.

Posted by: clw tries her hand at creative captioning | August 19, 2008 2:02 PM | Report abuse

"You remind me of my daddy...only taller!!"

Posted by: Happy Crew | August 19, 2008 2:02 PM | Report abuse

My mom wouldn't have allowed me to paint my nails at two.
***
growing up in the 50s had its advantages. there used to be these little make-up kits that had phony lipstick, a brush, comb, and some sort of glittery polish. probably carcinogenic.

Posted by: janet had the world's greatest mother | August 19, 2008 2:02 PM | Report abuse

The panda sneeze is okay. The LOL cat collection is good. But the one I find entertaining is the video of the young couple's wrestling match where she pins him by sitting on his face.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 2:03 PM | Report abuse

I'll share my brutal caption on the condition that it not be cause for my exile from Lizard Island. And no lectures on my tastelessness, either. I'm already repulsed by it.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 2:06 PM | Report abuse

You'll get no judgment from me, Sasquatch. Now, let's have it!

Posted by: clw | August 19, 2008 2:07 PM | Report abuse

Ugh. The toddler has nailpolish on her nails.

Posted by: WDC 21113 | August 19, 2008 2:07 PM | Report abuse

You're a bad baby! Full of Thetans!

Posted by: mr. liz | August 19, 2008 2:08 PM | Report abuse

Whoa! Is that how I looked not too long ago ??!!

Posted by: anon | August 19, 2008 2:08 PM | Report abuse

Ha, should have refreshed. I see others pointed it out first.

Posted by: WDC 21113 says oops! | August 19, 2008 2:08 PM | Report abuse

"Did you hear that baby? Mommy told Daddy he's full of crap and we're leaving his loony ass."

-Suri Cruise

Posted by: Brutal | August 19, 2008 2:09 PM | Report abuse

Let's see if we can get the papparazzi to follow us, too!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 2:09 PM | Report abuse

"We live in a cynical world. A cynical world. And we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You... complete me."

Posted by: Smitty | August 19, 2008 2:11 PM | Report abuse

Go for it, Sasquatch.

We're all waiting . . .

Posted by: Mudge | August 19, 2008 2:12 PM | Report abuse

Okay, here's the caption.

Suri Cruise is the first on her block to play with the new Christina Applegate Chemotherapy Doll.

Posted by: Sasquatch is ashamed | August 19, 2008 2:13 PM | Report abuse

"Scientologists are holding me captive. Tell my superiors to get me the heck out of here!"

Posted by: Eric | August 19, 2008 2:13 PM | Report abuse

It's "hard time holding his own."

"Hard tim holding his own" means something vastly different.

Posted by: C'mon, Liz | August 19, 2008 2:15 PM | Report abuse

"growing up in the 50s had its advantages. there used to be these little make-up kits that had phony lipstick, a brush, comb, and some sort of glittery polish. probably carcinogenic."

I loved those little kits. My mother wouldn't let me wear nail polish, and even to speak of how wonderful it was made my parents suspect I was going to grow up to be a ho. Or not graduate or something.

Can Thetans use make-up? I know that the Pentecostals forbid it.

Posted by: chocolatetiara | August 19, 2008 2:16 PM | Report abuse

Suri receives her first baby with attached note that reads: "Betcha can't collect them all! Love, Madge and Angie."

Posted by: M Street | August 19, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

"Daddy says you looked just like me before you denounced Scientology."

Posted by: epony | August 19, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

More than 20 years after inexplicably returning in the inanimate body of a baby doll, L. Ron Hubbard finally manages to make contact with a highly placed member of the Church of Scientology.

Posted by: Wasatch Tom | August 19, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

Ok, I'll be the first to admit it...I laughed out loud at Sasquatch's caption.

Posted by: clw, too, is ashamed (and amused at Sas' cleverness) | August 19, 2008 2:20 PM | Report abuse

Suri receives her first baby with attached note that reads: "Betcha can't collect them all! Love, Madge and Angie."

Posted by: M Street | August 19, 2008 2:19 PM

Posted by: we have a winner | August 19, 2008 2:21 PM | Report abuse

Chocolatetiara, since Scientology is the second-largest cult in Hollywood, behind only the cult of beauty, I would say yes, they can wear makeup.

Posted by: BxNY | August 19, 2008 2:21 PM | Report abuse

Yes, Sasquatch, that is wrong. And yes, I laughed.

Posted by: KLeewrite | August 19, 2008 2:22 PM | Report abuse

"Mommy went to work today, and Daddy said we can jump on the furniture as much as we want!"

Posted by: BigMomma | August 19, 2008 2:23 PM | Report abuse

Suri Cruise is the first on her block to play with the new Christina Applegate Chemotherapy Doll
***
i'm stunned. almost fell out of the chair. absolutely stunning. you win the caption contest. no other contenders.

Posted by: as mean as it is, janet feels sasquatch's caption rules the day | August 19, 2008 2:25 PM | Report abuse

Now, THAT was funny Sasquatch.

Tacky, but funny.

No, just funny

Henceforth, you will be reading your weekly copies of the "Lizard Post Organizer", the Island paper, in your prison cell.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 2:26 PM | Report abuse

“If I take you home with me, will you pretend like you are happy and in love with me the way Mommy does with Daddy?”


Mommy says if I’m a good girl, I can cut my hair like you and daddys!!! YIPPEE!!!

Mommy says if I’m a good girl like you, I can wear no-name brands like you, and maybe get an outfit from Wal-Mart !! YIPEE!!

Close your eyes, close your eyes. Close your eyes baby!! You don’t blink your eyes? You look like a robot, just like my Mommy!! My mommy doesn’t blink either!!!!

Posted by: amelia | August 19, 2008 2:27 PM | Report abuse

Daddy's driving me crazy with this Scientology stuff! OMG, I AM crazy, I'm talking to a doll.

Posted by: Pinta | August 19, 2008 2:30 PM | Report abuse

"Let's do that again! But this time I wanna be the galactic overlord. YOU have to be the feeble pawn."

Posted by: Bawlmer | August 19, 2008 2:33 PM | Report abuse

Don't be glib, baby, you know my Mommy isn't depressed. She just dresses that way because Daddy likes her to play dress up.

Posted by: Magnolia | August 19, 2008 2:34 PM | Report abuse

Sas', that was water out my nose awesome.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 2:35 PM | Report abuse

"OK Mormon Barbie, let's rip off these temple garments and make you a Scientologist!"

Posted by: Maria | August 19, 2008 2:36 PM | Report abuse

The maid says, the way I'm headed, I'M going to be the next Paris Hilton!

Posted by: WDC | August 19, 2008 2:36 PM | Report abuse

Sas, remember the Lindbergh baby died. You only got to post that one because Byoo is on vacation.

I am glad to hear it is not one of your relatives in the freezer in Georgia. Note to all bigfoot searchers, check the story BEFORE paying the cash to the hunters.

Posted by: ep | August 19, 2008 2:36 PM | Report abuse

I suppose my caption is funny in the same vein as Byoolin's infamous comment about the Lindberg baby.

I do not know why I picked on Christina Applegate. I have nothing against her, and I admire her pluck and determination in giving cancer the existential finger by the second pre-emptive mastectomy. I hope she's right that she has beaten the beast. And I wish her well. Seriously.

Posted by: Sasquatch is ashamed | August 19, 2008 2:37 PM | Report abuse

Suri to doll "Did you just pee on me?"

Doll to Suri, "Are you about to pee on me?

Posted by: not saying who I am but I invent things | August 19, 2008 2:39 PM | Report abuse

ep, it's gonna take more than a couple of Georgia crackers to put me in the meat locker.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 2:40 PM | Report abuse

Little ones can get their nails painted with the drugstore brand nail polish which dries in 60 seconds.

Posted by: new england | August 19, 2008 2:43 PM | Report abuse

Too tough to pick between SAS and M Street, I vote M Street because while equally funny it at least pokes fun a folks voluntary actions as opposed to involuntary actions...

Posted by: LTL - seeks an alternative to the olympic tie breaker process | August 19, 2008 2:44 PM | Report abuse

Sas,

Even tho my spouse is currently going thru chemo, I can appreciate the devilish and dark humor in it.

In fact I read that one lady before the operation had "Goodbye to my Boob Sex!"

Nonetheless, I agree that you should be immediately confined to the Island Prison.

On a unrelated note, my next invention--Remote Control Door Opener!

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 19, 2008 2:44 PM | Report abuse

Ann Jillian

Been trying to remember that name all day

Posted by: emanon | August 19, 2008 2:45 PM | Report abuse

... sighs, "Wide Butt!"

Posted by: John Doh! | August 19, 2008 2:45 PM | Report abuse

You know what, Sasquatch?

You don't have to explain. We all know the difference between funny snark and nasty snark.

Your caption was definitely the funny kind. The very funny kind.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 2:46 PM | Report abuse

I think that M Street's caption is in much better taste...especially since it riffs off my snark in the Morning Mix about Angelina and Madonna racing to collect the entire set of orphans.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 2:47 PM | Report abuse

"Doll, you're plastic, emotionless, and hollow. I'm going to call you 'Mommy'."

Posted by: Motley Tool | August 19, 2008 2:48 PM | Report abuse

Little ones can get their nails painted with the drugstore brand nail polish which dries in 60 seconds.

Posted by: new england | August 19, 2008 2:43 PM
-----------------------------------------
I know they CAN, but the question is "SHOULD they?"

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 2:52 PM | Report abuse

I know they CAN, but the question is "SHOULD they?"

Nothing better than starting vanity and narcissism early!

Posted by: Why did you have to ask? | August 19, 2008 2:54 PM | Report abuse

I know they CAN, but the question is "SHOULD they?"

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 2:52 PM
===========================================

Yes, they should.

End of discussion.

Because I said so.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 2:56 PM | Report abuse

Doll: I feel like your mommy when she met your daddy

Suri: Daddy says he pretended Mommy was a boy when he played with her too

Posted by: Magnolia | August 19, 2008 2:57 PM | Report abuse

Oh, I meant to say Telepathically Operated Remote Control Door Opener!

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 19, 2008 2:58 PM | Report abuse

it's gonna take more than a couple of Georgia crackers to put me in the meat locker
***
you're on a roll today. you've stepped up the pace appreciably.
and as a p.s., my dad, aunt and uncle died from different cancer and i find your comment hilarious.

Posted by: sas, do not hang your head in shame, janet cajoles. | August 19, 2008 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Sasquatch should be ashamed. Your punishment shall be watching a 2 day marathon of Living Lohan!

Posted by: Brutal | August 19, 2008 3:01 PM | Report abuse

"Your punishment shall be watching a 2 day marathon of Living Lohan!"

That IS brutal, Brutal.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 3:03 PM | Report abuse

I suppose my caption is funny in the same vein as Byoolin's infamous comment about the Lindberg baby.

Since Byoolin is not here, give it up! Some of us are newbies!

Posted by: Inquiring Minds Need to Know | August 19, 2008 3:05 PM | Report abuse

Sas', my aunt and my grandmother who were both diagnosed with cancer last year would love your caption, I therefore pardon you of any and all wrongdoing.

Posted by: Chief Dorkus | August 19, 2008 3:05 PM | Report abuse

wait...

I can't do it. Living Lohan is the definition of cruel and unusual punishment. Alright, Sasquatch is off the hook. At least try to act a bit ashamed.

Posted by: Brutal lets Sasquatch off the hook | August 19, 2008 3:07 PM | Report abuse

Did you have to pardon him soooooooo soon?

You could have sentenced Sasquatch to 48 hours of Madonna, a lesser punishment than LL.

Posted by: to Chief Dorkus | August 19, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

"I POOPED!!!"

Posted by: Bill Monroe | August 19, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

How can one tell if a cryptid is feeling SMAME?

Is it sort of like that scene in Star Wars when Chewbacca roared with grief? Nah.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

"you spell after me, S-C-I-E..."

Posted by: Square Peg | August 19, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

Alright, Sasquatch is off the hook. At least try to act a bit ashamed.

Posted by: Brutal lets Sasquatch off the hook | August 19, 2008 3:07 PM
-----------------------------------------
I think Sasquatch already has demonstrated more than enough remorse.

Posted by: clw is new to the island but would like to pardon Sasquatch anyway | August 19, 2008 3:13 PM | Report abuse

"Did you have to pardon him soooooooo soon?"

Cleared your nose of water I see, Dorkus.

Posted by: Sasquatch does his best Yoda | August 19, 2008 3:14 PM | Report abuse

It's almost time for the "Superfantastic Scientology Hour" with Uncle L. Ron!!!!!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 3:15 PM | Report abuse

Someone else needs to address the Lindberg baby story. I forget the original posting. I remember Byoolin's retort to the criticism: "The Lindberg baby died."

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 3:15 PM | Report abuse

I'll give you my bottle of juice and you give me some Prozac....OK?

Posted by: can't believe this is real | August 19, 2008 3:18 PM | Report abuse

Yes, yes, yes, I know. Tasteless. And the Lindbergh baby was killed too.

Posted by: byoolin pleads guilty to Felony Schadenfreude. | May 14, 2008 11:23 AM

Posted by: lizard island archivist | August 19, 2008 3:19 PM | Report abuse

Sasquatch has been cleared of all charges by the people.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put on my Ray-Ban Wayfarers and go dance around the office in my pink shirt and tightie whities.

Posted by: Brutal says sometimes you've gotta say WTF and make your move! | August 19, 2008 3:20 PM | Report abuse

The comment wasn't funny.

Posted by: sorry | August 19, 2008 3:20 PM | Report abuse

...and the worst thing is, these girls are nowhere near as hot as JonBenet was.

Posted by: byoolin | May 14, 2008 11:20 AM

Posted by: what byoolin said was about photos in ads for Beyonce's clothes for little girls | August 19, 2008 3:21 PM | Report abuse

Doll to Suri,

"When you grow up, I hope you won't need lifts in your shoes like daddy"

Suri, "Me, too!"

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 19, 2008 3:21 PM | Report abuse

Sas, remember the Lindbergh baby died. You only got to post that one because Byoo is on vacation.

I am glad to hear it is not one of your relatives in the freezer in Georgia. Note to all bigfoot searchers, check the story BEFORE paying the cash to the hunters.

Posted by: ep | August 19, 2008 2:36 PM


Better yet, thaw out the freezer contents.... something tells me those bubbas are laughing at us all from some beach in Brazil...

Posted by: b | August 19, 2008 3:22 PM | Report abuse

Maybe one day we should play Lizard Island Jeopardy and try to match Sas's and Byoolin's best retorts with the comments that precipitated them.

Elias Howe gets to be Lizard Trebek.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

"How about fingernail polish? Would my little Muffin like some nice red fingernail polish?

Posted by: L.Kurt Engelhart | August 19, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

Following the failure of "The Love Guru," Verne Troyer concludes that his professional association with Mike Myers is a career killer and seeks to ingratiate himself with the Cruise family.

Posted by: Nick | August 19, 2008 3:24 PM | Report abuse

something tells me those bubbas are laughing at us all from some beach in Brazil...

Actually, the reason they were in Palo Alto is because they're getting marketing professorships at Stanford. Guess this was their scholarly research.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 3:24 PM | Report abuse

Meanwhile, behind the scenes at the newest celebrity fund raiser, young Suri Cruise flexes her puerile Diva muscles after the spokesdoll for the American Institute for Premature Hair Loss failed to hit her camera mark at this year's televised event. Veteran red carpet on-lookers where also aghast when young Suri, upon arriving at the theater, seemingly threw her sippy cup onto the carpet on purpose, causing an apparent stain. One wag opined that Samuel Goldwyn must have been spinning in his grave, as Suri's behavior confirmed a flagging level of civil behavior among the Hollywood toddler set. "Sam would have never allowed such acts, said Liz Smith, that kid would have been under contract. The town has gone to hell in a handbasket." Or in Suri's case, a Baby Bjorn.

Posted by: Bob Stokes | August 19, 2008 3:25 PM | Report abuse

Without question THE MOST ADORABLE TWO YEAR BABYGIRL EVER! I just saw a picture of her in NYC with the prettiest polka dot dress, and little gold maryjanes-too adorable! You go, babygirl! You rich, adorable, and too cosmopolitan and worldly even at two years old for this low-life group of knuckleheads!

Posted by: Suri Fan | August 19, 2008 3:25 PM | Report abuse

Mini Suri?????

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 3:25 PM | Report abuse

Photo caption:

"World's youngest $cientologist practices brainwashing "new meat".

Posted by: Tom3 | August 19, 2008 3:26 PM | Report abuse

"Elias Howe gets to be Lizard Trebek"

I would be most honored to be Lizard Trebek. Now, what must I invent....(scratching head)...hmnmmmmm......

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 19, 2008 3:31 PM | Report abuse

Hard to believe, but my tasteless caption has barely made my meanest comment of the day.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 3:34 PM | Report abuse

BTW, the $cientologists are all Repukes, you know. They give heavily to the Repuke party.

$cientology is a destructive cult and should not be allowed to call itself a religion.

They should be RICOed and put out of business permanently in the US and throughout the world.

$cientology is a SCAM.

Posted by: Tom3 | August 19, 2008 3:34 PM | Report abuse

Baby Doll Suri and friend. The official spokes doll for the American Alopecia Association.

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 19, 2008 3:35 PM | Report abuse

Only a leeetle off-topic, but there's an interesting bit of news over at Raw Fisher in the comments section, about how DC just opened a new vocational high school, Phelps Architecture, Construction and Engineering School, or something like that. It reminds me of Mike Rowe's quest to rehabilitate the image of the trades in America. Nice to know DC is playing its little part in a worthy effort.

And now, back to an astonishingly cute little peanut of a girl.

Posted by: WDC | August 19, 2008 3:36 PM | Report abuse

"You better be nice or my Daddy will throw you into a Volcano!!"

Posted by: Tom3 | August 19, 2008 3:37 PM | Report abuse

B,

The searcher did thaw out the freezer contents. That is when they found out the guys who claimed ot have found bigfoot lied. Unfortunately, the searcher had already paid a significant sum to the hunters who are now nowhere to be found.

Posted by: ep | August 19, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

Dude, where's my Xenu?

Posted by: Tony V | August 19, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

My name is Talking Tina and I'm here to rescue you.

Posted by: L8yF8 | August 19, 2008 3:42 PM | Report abuse

BTW, the $cientologists are all Repukes, you know. They give heavily to the Repuke party.

$cientology is a destructive cult and should not be allowed to call itself a religion.

They should be RICOed and put out of business permanently in the US and throughout the world.

$cientology is a SCAM.

Posted by: Tom3 | August 19, 2008 3:34 PM

Now I don't buy that for a minute. It's Hollywood. 95% of Hollywood are Democraps.

Suri also has her toes painted (Splash or whatever it's called), must have been a mini spa day...

Posted by: Huh? | August 19, 2008 3:45 PM | Report abuse

ep, whom did the Georgia crackers dupe?

Posted by: The Real Sasquatch knows when to use the accusative case | August 19, 2008 3:45 PM | Report abuse

Suri receives her first baby with attached note that reads: "Betcha can't collect them all! Love, Madge and Angie."

Posted by: M Street | August 19, 2008 2:19 PM

Best one so far!

Posted by: Amelia | August 19, 2008 3:46 PM | Report abuse

Suri reveals her innermost secrets to the test model of e-meter for Scientology toddlers.

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 19, 2008 3:46 PM | Report abuse

Only two? In China she'd be 16.

Posted by: Sarah | August 19, 2008 3:47 PM | Report abuse

TonV captions:

"Dude, where's my Xenu?"

----------------------------
this conclusively proves that Suri is a kiddie $cientologist. If Suri was a "normal" celebrity kid, the caption would have read, "Dude, where's my Xanax?"

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 3:47 PM | Report abuse

Entertainment journalism is a cancer.

Posted by: David | August 19, 2008 3:48 PM | Report abuse

Baby-Krumps-Alot hooks another fan with his soulful stare and thrusting junk.

Posted by: Thor | August 19, 2008 3:52 PM | Report abuse

Suri, "If I tell you about the teaching of L. Ron Hubbard, will you tell me about the Rev. Moon?"

(alternate)

Suri, "If I tell you about the teaching of L. Ron Hubbard, will you tell me about the Budda?"

Posted by: Elias Howe trys again! | August 19, 2008 3:52 PM | Report abuse

Elias, the Rev Moon caption works better.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 3:53 PM | Report abuse

"You remind me of my daddy...only taller!!"

Posted by: Happy Crew | August 19, 2008 2:02 PM
************
Sas & M Street were also funny however, I think I liked Happy Crew's caption the best.

Posted by: methinks AKA pretentious bore | August 19, 2008 3:59 PM | Report abuse

Wow, these are good. I'm just throwing out a couple more ideas.

"C'mon, let's jump up and down on the couch like 'Daddy' does -- well, that's what I call him anyway."

"One more word out of you, Dolly, and I'm going to make you wear Daddy's jeans -- they might be a little small for you, though."

"One is plastic, one is real, and Tom Cruise isn't either one's father."

"Close Encounters of the Thetan Kind."

Posted by: td | August 19, 2008 4:01 PM | Report abuse

Let me show you how Mommy pegs her jeans.

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 19, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

My vote goes to b's "This is the way Mommy dances with Daddy!" 1:29 PM.

(And painting a two-year-old's nails is ridiculous. Are tattoos next?!)

Posted by: td | August 19, 2008 4:07 PM | Report abuse

"I told you, ONLY DADDY is allowed to jump on the couch...now don't do that again!"

Posted by: The Other Liz K. | August 19, 2008 4:08 PM | Report abuse

I'm glad someone else submitted before about how the comment section on here is ridiculous. It's like some sort of make-shift chat room for regulars who speak exclusively in overplayed and not particularly funny inside jokes. "Something about ponies! Something about an island! Some that sounds like I'm just trying way too hard to think of something funny!" I like reading Celebritology, but the comments are brutal. It's hard to figure out whether people actually think the comments people make are funny or they just have nothing else to do so everyone fawns over everyone else's lame observations.

Posted by: Arlington | August 19, 2008 4:14 PM | Report abuse

OK, I just can't do it. But I was looking at the IMDB text of the phone call between Cuba Gooding, Jr. and Tom Cruise in "Jerry McGuire":

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116695/quotes

and trying to substitute Doll and Suri for Rod and Jerry. But I just cannot suggest that that adorable little girl say, "Who's your m____r?" So instead:

DOLL: Do you love the thetan?
SURI: I love the thetan! Show me the candy!

Posted by: td | August 19, 2008 4:16 PM | Report abuse

Well hello, Tom Cruise...errrr. I mean, Arlington. Would you mind putting on a pair of pants and getting off my couch?

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 4:17 PM | Report abuse

"...and then I said "Screw you, daddy, I don't believe that Scientology crap."

Posted by: Rude | August 19, 2008 4:17 PM | Report abuse

Oh, Arlington, I almost forgot: here's your Xanax dose.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 4:18 PM | Report abuse

Did someone say ponies?!

http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/grd/803589963.html

Posted by: Mz Fitz | August 19, 2008 4:23 PM | Report abuse

Seriously, a couch-jumping insult? How about throwing an Elian Gonzalez reference in there. Try to make a funny out of something that happened in the last 3 years, perhaps. And, sorry, but cancer jokes aren't really ever funny. Especially that one, because it was pretty stupid in addition to not funny.

Posted by: Arlington | August 19, 2008 4:24 PM | Report abuse

Sas, my aunt died of lung cancer last year. She was so far along when they found it, she didn't even get to have chemo and I found your comment funny. I'm sure she would have too.

Posted by: jake e. poo | August 19, 2008 4:25 PM | Report abuse

Arlington,

Go home.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 4:28 PM | Report abuse

ep,
i know. that's what i meant by thawing the freezer contents *before* writing the check.

what they did is actually a variation on the classic pigeon drop scam.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pigeon_drop

The bigfoot guy let his greed/need for publicity/whatever get the better of him.

Posted by: b | August 19, 2008 4:28 PM | Report abuse

Seriously, a couch-jumping insult? ... Try to make a funny out of something that happened in the last 3 years

There's no statute of limitations on dumb.

Posted by: Nosy Parker knows her rights | August 19, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

"Seriously, a couch-jumping insult? How about throwing an Elian Gonzalez reference in there. Try to make a funny out of something that happened in the last 3 years, perhaps."

Okay, Arlington.

Hows did it feel to finally graduate from 4th grade after 20 years?

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

Try to make a funny out of something that happened in the last 3 years, perhaps.

Posted by: Arlington | August 19, 2008 4:24 PM

*****************************

Hey Arlington, the couch-jumping occurred in 2005, which happens to fall in your three year time frame.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

Arlington, please stop making such glib comments.

Posted by: Mz Fitz | August 19, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

Arlington lectures me: "And, sorry, but cancer jokes aren't really ever funny."

Ask me if I care about your humor deficiency.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 4:31 PM | Report abuse

Arlington, there are a gazillion blogs on the interwebs, why do you have to come and pee on ours? Maybe you should go hang out on OP, they tend to like that sort of crap.

Posted by: Anon for this | August 19, 2008 4:32 PM | Report abuse

Arlington, I suspect the real reason for your upset is that I found the bottle of Xanax that you misplaced. Perhaps you should direct your misplaces resentment to the MD who prescribed you such an outdated drug for the treatment of your condition.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 4:33 PM | Report abuse

Maybe Arlington would prefer that we speak of celebrities henceforth only in reverential tones. No doubt the Scientology ones feel that way.

Posted by: Nosy Parker the rationalist | August 19, 2008 4:33 PM | Report abuse

Sasquatch,

Is that you at 4:33?

I doesn't 'sound' like you.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

Oh FINE. You want something more current? Let's see:

"Suri and friend, two of the billions of people on the planet who didn't see 'Lions and Lambs' either."

"I love my new 'Valkyrie' action figure!"

Too difficult. Let's go WAY back instead:

"And if it weren't for that durn Mimi Rogers, we might be Catholic!"

Posted by: td asks arlington to carm down | August 19, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

"Show me the honey!"

Posted by: Virginia Squared | August 19, 2008 4:37 PM | Report abuse

New caption:

"That's okay, Arlington. You're good enough. You're smart enough. And, doggone it, people in some other blog somewhere really like you."

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 4:37 PM | Report abuse

That was me at 4:33.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 4:38 PM | Report abuse

And a new contender emerges:

Following the failure of "The Love Guru," Verne Troyer concludes that his professional association with Mike Myers is a career killer and seeks to ingratiate himself with the Cruise family.

Posted by: Nick | August 19, 2008 3:24 PM


Posted by: Nick gets spartan's vote | August 19, 2008 4:40 PM | Report abuse

"...And then they had a baby to pretend their marriage wasn't a publicity stunt. What's your story?"

Posted by: Orange line | August 19, 2008 4:41 PM | Report abuse

Cancer humor: Christina Applegate herself is quoted as saying about her upcoming reconstructive surgery, "And you know, I'm going to have cute boobs till I'm 90."

Posted by: Nosy Parker says "Take that, Arlilngton" | August 19, 2008 4:42 PM | Report abuse

Don't anger the cryptid.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 4:43 PM | Report abuse

OH hahaha, let's make fun of celebs via their babies and PRETEND we're just putting her photo up because she's oh so cute!

Really low and cruel.

Posted by: You are jerks | August 19, 2008 4:45 PM | Report abuse

Suri to doll:

"You'd better behave or I'll start munching on your face. And you know I will, too. I really liked the flavor of that nasty dollie hair."

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 4:45 PM | Report abuse

Arlington, what on earth did you sit on today during lunch?! Geez! It's really simple -- if you don't like the blog, go somewhere else.

Posted by: clw | August 19, 2008 4:46 PM | Report abuse

Arlington. Only one "L"

And the rest of Christina Applegate's quote is: "I'll have the best boobs in the nursing home. I'll be the envy of all the ladies around the bridge table."

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 19, 2008 4:47 PM | Report abuse

OH hahaha, let's make fun of celebs via their babies and PRETEND we're just putting her photo up because she's oh so cute!

Really low and cruel.

Posted by: You are jerks | August 19, 2008 4:45 PM
==========================================

yes, dear, we know.

Go home.

Posted by: Curmudgeon is losing patience with these trolls | August 19, 2008 4:47 PM | Report abuse

let's make fun of celebs via their babies

When the celebs pimp out their babies, what else should they expect???

Posted by: what goes around comes around | August 19, 2008 4:50 PM | Report abuse

Does anyone else here think that the $cientology Clones have been alerted to today's topic?

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 4:51 PM | Report abuse

What contribution level are you?

Posted by: BDWESQTM | August 19, 2008 4:51 PM | Report abuse

I agree with Curmudgeon - go home. There's no need to come here and piss on our cotton candy.

Posted by: circusfreak | August 19, 2008 4:52 PM | Report abuse

"What contribution level are you?"

Egggscellent!!!

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 4:52 PM | Report abuse

i think i found this pic cute.. for the reason that i feel she is talking to the doll, n its always cute to see the small child talking their toys...
This girl has a real talent.. so this really adorable pic... though i must say the doll is really scary..

Posted by: dhara | August 19, 2008 4:52 PM | Report abuse

"alerted"? Don't you think they have Sea Org members who do nothing but Google all the live-long day for anything with even a whiff of anti-Scientology?

Posted by: wake up and smell the coffee, sasquatch | August 19, 2008 4:54 PM | Report abuse

Part of the reason I come here is for the mixed stuff. I don't even know half the celebs most days, but the filler comments can be quite enterntaining.

Happy BKD y'all! (There is a lead w/ pic to this on the main Post page, so that could be the reason behind some items posted.)

Posted by: WDC 21113 | August 19, 2008 4:55 PM | Report abuse

I'm neither a Scientologist nor a fan of Tom Cruise.

I see WaPo "pimping out" this little kid. I don't see her parents doing it.

Oh, and I'm a troll because I disagree with you? Lame.

Posted by: You are jerks | August 19, 2008 4:56 PM | Report abuse

"Aren't you glad you don't have a mommy to push you in front of every camera she sees?"

Posted by: Nevermind | August 19, 2008 4:57 PM | Report abuse

I see WaPo "pimping out" this little kid. I don't see her parents doing it.

Uhhh, it wasn't the Post that took this kid out in public, Einstein.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 4:58 PM | Report abuse

Oh, and I'm a troll because I disagree with you? Lame.

Posted by: You are jerks | August 19, 2008 4:56 PM
========================================

No, dear. You are a troll because you obviously do not belong here.

Go home.

(BTW, I'm not lame, just a little stiffness in my knees)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 4:59 PM | Report abuse

Nosy,

She already had cute boobs. Soon she'll have newer, cuter boobs!

Posted by: Brutal | August 19, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

Oh, and I'm a troll because I disagree with you? Lame.

Posted by: You are jerks | August 19, 2008 4:56 PM
-------------------------------------------
One can disagree without being disagreable. You chose the later (by resorting to name-calling), which makes qualifies you as a troll.

Posted by: circusfreak | August 19, 2008 5:01 PM | Report abuse

"Next time you take my bottle, I will hurt you. I will sick my couch jumping, Scientology loving father on you!"

Posted by: Alana | August 19, 2008 5:01 PM | Report abuse

"You are jerks" writes:

"Oh, and I'm a troll because I disagree with you? Lame."

A troll?

Nah.

I wouldn't place you that high on the Internet evolution scale.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 5:02 PM | Report abuse

You complete me.

I'm sorry Goose.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 19, 2008 5:02 PM | Report abuse

I meant, which qualifies you as a troll.

Posted by: circusfreak should proofread before posting | August 19, 2008 5:02 PM | Report abuse

You are jerks has been sentenced to a 2 day marathon of Living Lohan. Troll!

Posted by: Brutal doesn't like You are jerks | August 19, 2008 5:06 PM | Report abuse

Egads, I had not looked at the main WaPo page all afternoon. They gave this a big link on the site. Plus they called it a "Cute Caption Contest"!!! WTF!

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 5:07 PM | Report abuse

New game:

Whack-A-Troll. I wanna go first.

Posted by: Just joining in on the fun. | August 19, 2008 5:09 PM | Report abuse

Oops...

Posted by: Brutal doesn't follow directions very well! | August 19, 2008 5:10 PM | Report abuse

"Suri Seems to Be the Cutest Kid"

"Hard for Me to Say Who's Suri"

"Aw, the Right Cruise"

"Who's gonna get a Big Girl Bed soon? We are! Daddy's swapping with us."

"Quick, go to sleep or else Daddy's going to sing, 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling' and then neither one of us is gonna get any peace tonight."

Posted by: td is just filling space to take us back on topic | August 19, 2008 5:18 PM | Report abuse

I vote for M Street's Angie and Madge caption. That had me rolling with laughter. It was the best.

Although, the Sasquatch quote was good too, in a "I shouldn't be laughing but I am" kind of way.

Posted by: Ebeth | August 19, 2008 5:19 PM | Report abuse

“Daddy's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Clay Aiken's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion.”

Posted by: td paraphrases conan o'brien | August 19, 2008 5:23 PM | Report abuse

I think you're correct, Ebeth.

But how to choose?

Posted by: Mudge | August 19, 2008 5:23 PM | Report abuse

But, Ebeth and Mudge, the Angie and Madge caption and Sasquatch's offering re Christina Applegate aren't about Suri or her cruisy parents.

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 19, 2008 5:32 PM | Report abuse

She is so cute in this picture. Always picture perfect. Another bloggers please remember she just a little girl (2 years old) But very cute.

Posted by: supportthekids | August 19, 2008 5:32 PM | Report abuse

Suri (left) the newly elected president of the American Alopecia Association comforts the association's newest member, Baby Doll.

Posted by: Elias Howe reworks his caption | August 19, 2008 5:34 PM | Report abuse

It takes the Thetan and places it outside the meat body. It does this whenever it's told or it gets the audit again!

Posted by: Jame Gumb | August 19, 2008 5:34 PM | Report abuse

Nosy,

Was that one of the rules?

Oh well.

think, think, think

Posted by: mudge | August 19, 2008 5:36 PM | Report abuse

Nosy Parker, you have a point there. But, I still think those are the funniest captions. I am going to go with M Street's as my fav, just because Sasquatch's is a little bit wrong even if it is funny, and I did laugh.

Posted by: Ebeth | August 19, 2008 5:36 PM | Report abuse

You're right, Mudge. It's not a rule. But the parents Cruise are such a deserving target, especially Tom.

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 19, 2008 5:39 PM | Report abuse

I like this one, too. Especially the glib use of the word 'glilb':

Don't be glib, baby, you know my Mommy isn't depressed. She just dresses that way because Daddy likes her to play dress up.

Posted by: Magnolia | August 19, 2008 2:34 PM

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 19, 2008 5:41 PM | Report abuse

I still support my vote for Sas', if only because the joke was so wrong. Most cancer survivors I know only got through it by laughing. They would have felt worse if people started to soften their language just because of the cancer.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 19, 2008 5:42 PM | Report abuse

Hey, a couple of more years and you will have some hair too!

Posted by: M. Edgar | August 19, 2008 5:43 PM | Report abuse

I'm glad someone else submitted before about how the comment section on here is ridiculous. It's like some sort of make-shift chat room for regulars who speak exclusively in overplayed and not particularly funny inside jokes. "Something about ponies! Something about an island! Some that sounds like I'm just trying way too hard to think of something funny!" I like reading Celebritology, but the comments are brutal. It's hard to figure out whether people actually think the comments people make are funny or they just have nothing else to do so everyone fawns over everyone else's lame observations.

Posted by: Arlington | August 19, 2008 4:14 PM
****************************************

I agree with Arlington, actually. I'm a former regular poster, who no longer reads the comments on non-Creative Captioning days. It's no longer a give and take of people commenting on celebrity news, it's now all about Lizard Island, inside jokes, and fawning over the same few posters (whose shtick has, frankly, gotten a little tiresom). I thought it would be different on the captioning days, but apparently not. I'm sure I'll be flamed with many a mean post in response, which is funny since everyone here talks about how this blog is open to everyone's opinion and how the haters should just go back to the mean mommies or some other such blog. I'll also be called a troll and Curmudgeon will condescendingly call me dear while calling in the lizard island security or whatever and Sasquatch will say something "scathing", but that's okay. I won't be coming back to this blog ever again and now Liz knows why.

Posted by: Yes, I probably need to carm down | August 19, 2008 5:53 PM | Report abuse

I'm sure I'll be flamed with many a mean post in response,
***
not at all, you gave a very thoughtful response, unlike arlington, who called people names. dissent doesn't mean disrespectful. your comment is not disrespectful. nor do you appear to be a troll, as discussed in the lengthy nytimes article. you're someone who no longer enjoys this blog.

Posted by: janet | August 19, 2008 5:58 PM | Report abuse

Suri explains to her "GOP Nominee for POTUS '08 Doll" why bombing Iran is a no-no.

Posted by: jhbyer | August 19, 2008 6:02 PM | Report abuse

I'm actually not trying to be offensive, but I don't totally get it when people feel the need to announce that they think the comments on a blog are boring or that they aren't going to read that blog anymore. I suppose Liz cares if she's having trouble getting hits, but my sentiment as a blog reader is generally "who cares"? When I start reading the comments and they are boring or unfunny, I just stop reading at that point and do something else. As for the potentially cliquey posters, this isn't high school. Who cares whether they have accepted you into their clique or whether you understand what the pony jokes are about? I'm actually not saying that to insult those who already feel insulted -- I wish you would think more highly of yourselves than to feel ostracized by someone who reads a celebrity gossip blog and comments on it all day. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but if any of the regular posters do actually have mean-spirited intentions towards "outsiders" (my guess is that most of them do not and are just killing time during the day), that would be pretty sad!

Posted by: Heather H. | August 19, 2008 6:23 PM | Report abuse

"Quick, go to sleep or else Daddy's going to sing, 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling' and then neither one of us is gonna get any peace tonight."

Good one, td!

*********

"Only two? In China she'd be 16."

I also liked Sarah's comment.

(Kudos to M Street, as well, for pulling in the Morning Mix theme.)

Posted by: alex's 2 cents | August 19, 2008 6:23 PM | Report abuse

"Change diaper? Oops! No Diaper!"

Posted by: Chris Ann Matteo | August 19, 2008 6:24 PM | Report abuse

"...And then they had a baby to pretend their marriage wasn't a publicity stunt. What's your story?"

Posted by: Orange line | August 19, 2008 4:41 PM
========================================

This gets my vote - nice job Orange line!

Posted by: KinDC | August 19, 2008 6:41 PM | Report abuse

"Do you know what freedom is?"

Posted by: J. Garner | August 19, 2008 7:25 PM | Report abuse

I'm so excited! I just heard that Angelina and Brad are adopting me!

Posted by: M Metzger | August 19, 2008 7:36 PM | Report abuse

I've been in online net communities since before the net was opened to the general public (back in the Arpanet era).

I've observed and participated in enough virtual communities to know that each community has a virtual life. It changes and ages. Participants come and go. However, some aspects of the virtual community persist over time, over participant, and over subject matter.

Every online community includes a set of regular participants who get to know each other, and who, over time, share a common virtual history and virtual background knowledge. This common knowledge forms the basis for inside jokes and abbreviated messages.

Newbies come in three flavors: (1) Newbies who try to understand the milieu before they contribute; (2) Newbies who actively participate by asking questions; and (3) Newbies who complain about "insiders" and "cliques."

Whenever I read complaints from Newbie 3s, I wonder if they engage in similar maladaptive behavior in the real world. When they join a new social group -- be that group sustaining (a club or professional organization) or ephemeral (several people conversing in a group at a party) -- do Newbie 3s start complaining to the other members of the group because they cannot immediately comprehend the nuances of the conversation? Do they complain because the "regulars" do not meet the Newbie's expectations? I have met some who do, and I chalk them off as butt wipes. As we used to say in the old Volvo discussion group, YMMV.

My inference is that either that Newbie 3s are socially inept and have problems with group dynamics (in both real and virtual groups), or they have power issues and cannot stand to be in a group (either real or virtual) that they themselves do not dominate. In either case, the disgruntled Newbie 3s do the rest of the group a favor by leaving.

Bottom line: Newbie 3s are incapable of playing well with others. Their loss.

So, Disgruntled Former Regular -- and I have a good idea of who you are -- don't let the virtual door hit you on the virtual gluteus maximus on your way out. I hope you find a virtual community that you can dominate or that can put up with your whining.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 19, 2008 8:32 PM | Report abuse

I hope you find a virtual community that you can dominate or that can put up with your whining
***
and that is that. good night, mrs. calabash, wherever you are.

Posted by: janet appreciates sasquatch's comments and trundles off to watch the olympics. | August 19, 2008 8:46 PM | Report abuse

OMG Sas, that lecture is enough to scare anyone off the internet!

I am going with Janet.

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 19, 2008 9:01 PM | Report abuse

Suri explains to her 'Senator John McCain Doll' why bombing Iran is a no-no.


[The above revision clarifies my entry at 6:02 p.m., and as such, represents a craven rebid for attention. I know, I know. I have inner hilarity. meh.]

Posted by: jhbyer | August 19, 2008 11:02 PM | Report abuse

My inference is that either that Newbie 3s are socially inept and have problems with group dynamics (in both real and virtual groups), or they have power issues and cannot stand to be in a group (either real or virtual) that they themselves do not dominate.

That was very astute. Also boring. Please to be having more captions now, please.

Posted by: Sam888 | August 20, 2008 3:21 AM | Report abuse

"DAD....DAD......the 'Little Miss Auditor' doll doesn't work!"

Posted by: Henry | August 20, 2008 7:55 AM | Report abuse

Suri exclaims to her 'Senator John McCain Doll' "You did find a way to beat the witch!"

Posted by: Tired of politics being injected into every Washpo Blog | August 20, 2008 8:05 AM | Report abuse

Suri "Are you the bald fat bloke out of Tropic Thunder"
Tom "yeah but you can call me daddy, now for the love on Xenu put me down"

Posted by: Anyone | August 20, 2008 8:26 AM | Report abuse

"Wow, you just got audited, too?"

Posted by: JRich | August 20, 2008 1:24 PM | Report abuse

are people just getting meaner? snide and pathetic.

Posted by: judyclaus | August 21, 2008 12:22 AM | Report abuse

"The Lindbergh baby died" was a response to a comment I'd made about rumors that pictures of Brangelina's then-unborn twins might go for $10M.

I said, "Wow, if pictures of the Brangebrats are worth $10M, imagine how much the kids themselves would be worth.

"Anyone have Bruno Richard Hauptmann's phone number?"

(Bruno Richard Hauptmann was convicted and executed in 1936 for the kidnapping and murder of Charles Lindbergh, Jr.)

Original morning mix is here:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/celebritology/2008/03/morning_mix_anna_nicoles_passp.html

Posted by: byoolin 'splains. | August 22, 2008 12:21 PM | Report abuse

'These people are nuts!'
(from Fullhouse Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen playing Michelle - and now they are nuts too!) LOL

Posted by: orangecurl | August 23, 2008 4:18 PM | Report abuse

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