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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 08/15/2008

Friday List: Celebrity Wedding Officiants

By Liz Kelly

We're all about pie-in-the-sky dreaming here, kids. That's why we drew inspiration for today's Friday List from Howard Stern and soon-to-be-wife Beth Ostrosky. This week, the couple announced that they will be married by Mark Consuelos, as in Mr. Kelly Ripa. While this is probably a relief to Ostrosky's family, who might have feared a wedding officiated by Ron Jeremy or Eric the Midget, the choice of Consuelos is, erhhmm, creative.

To be fair, though, Consuelos is not just some B-list actor who met wife Kelly Ripa on the set of "All My Children." He's a B-list actor who also cameoed in 10 (ten!) episodes of his wife's show "Hope and Faith" and has a degree in marketing from the esteemed University of Southern Florida. So he's obviously way more qualified to perform a wedding ceremony than, say, Tiny Tim or even "The Love Boat's" Capt. Stubing.

Why Consuelos? Stern and his wife and Kelly Ripa and Consuelos (who, it should be noted, eloped when they married in 1996) are reportedly good friends and, according to some reports, Consuelos is Ostrosky's "spiritual advisor." Hmm.

Consuelos not to your liking? Well, tell me who is. Given the choice of any celebrity -- and assuming you'd want to remember your wedding more for the officiant than the actual bonding yourself to someone else for life bit -- who would you want to officiate your (or a friend's) wedding? Set the scene below...

By Liz Kelly  | August 15, 2008; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Friday Lists  
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Comments

So much for Stern saying he liked Beth because she wasn't trying to trap him into marriage.

And I grew up in the shadow of USF. Good to know it now has a celebrity alumni. Go Brahmans!

Posted by: yellojkt | August 15, 2008 10:52 AM | Report abuse

Hmmm.

Weird Al. Yeah, he's not an ordained anything, but it would be fun.

Posted by: EricS | August 15, 2008 10:58 AM | Report abuse

I am getting married in October and if anyone can get me Betty White, I would love you forever! She wouldn't have to officiate, just stand in for one of my grandmas, god rest their souls...

Posted by: Osteph | August 15, 2008 10:59 AM | Report abuse

Father Guido Sarducci

Posted by: spartan | August 15, 2008 11:02 AM | Report abuse

Judge Judy

Posted by: spartan | August 15, 2008 11:07 AM | Report abuse

Judge Judy: Do you or do you not take this man to be your husband?
Bride: I do
Judge Judy: DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 15, 2008 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Father Guido Sarducci.....

Inspired entry, Spartan.

Inspired.

Posted by: Sasquatch salutes Spartan | August 15, 2008 11:13 AM | Report abuse

The Mark Consuelos/Howard Stern connection is so odd!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 15, 2008 11:16 AM | Report abuse

Don Imus

Posted by: doobrah | August 15, 2008 11:17 AM | Report abuse

How about robed monkey? It's not like I take anything Howard Stern does seriously.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 15, 2008 11:19 AM | Report abuse


groucho marx, if he were alive today. i had some friends who got married on halloween and the judge dressed like groucho marx. it was perfect. of course the bride was wearing tap shoes and the groom was dressed in a drum major's uniform.....

among living celebs, howie mandel or robin williams.

it's best to begin marriage with a laugh.


Posted by: b | August 15, 2008 11:22 AM | Report abuse

btw, that would be standup comic howie mandel, and not gameshow host howie mandel.

Posted by: b | August 15, 2008 11:23 AM | Report abuse

Ahahaha...great idea, Liz.

If we can resurrect Elvis through medical science or some sort of zombie virus, I'm going with him.

Or Patrick Stewart. Hell, he could show up in nothing but a pair of briefs and still pull it off with his voice alone.

Posted by: Bawlmer | August 15, 2008 11:24 AM | Report abuse

btw, that would be standup comic howie mandel, and not gameshow host howie mandel.

Posted by: b | August 15, 2008 11:23 AM

Will he blow up a latex glove on his head? or over his head? Oh, you know what I mean.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 15, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

The priest from the Princess Bride:

Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove

Posted by: Groovis is sipping wine laced with iocaine powder | August 15, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

BABA BOOEY!

Posted by: had to be said | August 15, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

I have to correct that there is no University of Southern Florida. There is a Florida Southern College, and there is a USF (go Brahmans!). If Consuelos went to USF, he got a darned good degree from the second largest state school in FL. I have to say that is the most impressive thing about him other than his hair.

Posted by: fashionistamomdc | August 15, 2008 11:27 AM | Report abuse

According to IMDB, it states University of South Florida.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 15, 2008 11:30 AM | Report abuse

Pity that the actor who played the priest in Princess Bride is deceased.

Mawwage... And wuv, tru wuv...

Posted by: BxNY | August 15, 2008 11:30 AM | Report abuse

I got married last month; my father was hoping (until the ever last minute) we could get Al Green or Little Richard to officiate.

Posted by: Lisa1 | August 15, 2008 11:30 AM | Report abuse

"The priest from the Princess Bride"

Inconceivable!

Posted by: td, because somebody had to say it | August 15, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

I thought Kathy Griffin did a fine job officiating.

But personally, I think Tom Boseley made a great priest on the TV. He'd be a great choice.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 15, 2008 11:44 AM | Report abuse

The relationship that Howard and Beth have with Kelly and Mark is extremely ironic given the abject hatred he had for Kelly's predecessor, Kathy Lee Gifford.

Anyway, to yellojkt: Howard said he proposed to Beth, not the other way around. And he had to talk her into it. Beth was not interested in marriage.

And to b: Robin Williams? Thrice married, cheat-on-your-wife-with-the-nanny Robin Williams? That would be good for a laugh.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 15, 2008 11:47 AM | Report abuse

What does it do to Howard Stern's street cred that he's good friends with Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos?

I would like George Clooney to officiate, but mostly because I'd like to be that close to George w/out possibility of a restraining order ending the encounter.

Posted by: jes | August 15, 2008 11:51 AM | Report abuse

The Impressive Priest from 'Princess Bride' only if I can be Pwincess Bwuttwecup.

Posted by: jes | August 15, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

I'd want Reverend Jim.

"Whaaaat duuuuuuuuz the yellllloooow liiiiiight meeeeeeeeean?

Posted by: Surmudgeon | August 15, 2008 12:05 PM | Report abuse

Anyway, to yellojkt: Howard said he proposed to Beth, not the other way around. And he had to talk her into it. Beth was not interested in marriage.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 15, 2008 11:47 AM
-------------------------------------
Yeah, right.

Is Father Gerald from Four Weddings and a Funeral available? Or is he too busy being Mr. Bean?

Posted by: yellojkt | August 15, 2008 12:06 PM | Report abuse

The Impressive Priest from 'Princess Bride' only if I can be Pwincess Bwuttwecup.

Posted by: jes | August 15, 2008 11:55 AM

----------------------------
But jes, you'll be marrying Prince Humperdinck.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 15, 2008 12:12 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon here again (who can't spell her own name).

If Reverend Jim weren't available, I'd ask my friend and former colleague, Bernadette.

We had her ordained by sending $25 in answer to an ad from the back pages of the "World Weekly News".

We were planning on making a bundle by performing quicky marriages for our marketing team just before the annual company get-away-get-together. (The firm's president's wife did not approve of unmaarried couples attending together on the company's dime. tsk, tsk)

Sadly, our plan didn't work but as far as we know, Bernadette is still an ordained minister.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 15, 2008 12:17 PM | Report abuse

The guy you want is Father Jack, as featured in "Father Ted."

"Feck! Arse! Drink!"

Posted by: byoolin | August 15, 2008 12:17 PM | Report abuse

Tim Gunn for the vocab less alone.

Mike Rowe, b/c getting married is a dirty job and someone has to do it. Also b/c he is on the top 10 list Mr. Cee_Jay and I have of people with whom we wish to share a drink.

Gary Busey for entertainment value alone.

Posted by: cee_jay | August 15, 2008 12:23 PM | Report abuse

MoCo,
Um, I thought we were having fun here....

And 11:25 a.m., if he didn't, he wouldn't get paid.

Posted by: b | August 15, 2008 12:26 PM | Report abuse

the judge that did my friends' wedding as groucho marx was also the judge that did my wedding... and the judge that presided over my divorce.

ah, the circle of life.....

Posted by: b, with a true story... | August 15, 2008 12:28 PM | Report abuse

In Virginia, you don't need to be ordained, but a Justice of the Peace, et al. must witness and say the line about objections, and pronounce them as married.

If I were to find some local celebrities to do it (to save on travel costs), I could have a murder mystery themed wedding officiated by John Grisham. A Howie Long football commentary themed wedding. A "Coal Miner's Daughter" themed wedding with Sissy Spacek. A WKRP themed wedding with Tim "Venus Flytrap" Reid.

Posted by: Mz Fitz | August 15, 2008 12:30 PM | Report abuse

or wait a couple of weeks and get married in a pool by michael phelps!

Posted by: b likes where ms. fitz is going... | August 15, 2008 12:32 PM | Report abuse

you know who would probably do a really cool wedding?

beau bridges...

Posted by: b | August 15, 2008 12:33 PM | Report abuse

no strike that... it's the other bridges... jeff bridges is the cool one.

Posted by: b realizes the error of her ways | August 15, 2008 12:34 PM | Report abuse

Apparently, Tim Gunn cannot assist soon enough! By "less", I clearly meant "lesson".

Seeing that I am typing as if already at happy hour, I should just start now.

Posted by: cee_jay | August 15, 2008 12:35 PM | Report abuse

Remember the blind monk (played by Gene Hackman) in Young Frankenstein? I wonder what a wedding with him would be like...???

"Come back! I was going to make espresso!"

Posted by: Groovis | August 15, 2008 12:36 PM | Report abuse

But jes, you'll be marrying Prince Humperdinck.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 15, 2008 12:12 PM

oh celinedion, I didn't think it through.

Posted by: jes | August 15, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

I would like John Cusack to preside over my wedding. But halfway through the vows, he would stop and say, "I can't go through with this. You are the most enchanting woman I have ever met. You must run away with me." And then we would like happily ever after.

Posted by: nancydrew | August 15, 2008 12:50 PM | Report abuse

Make that LIVE happily ever after. Sorry. Also, no harshing on USF. It's the Harvard of west central Florida.

Posted by: nancydrew | August 15, 2008 12:54 PM | Report abuse

Or Patrick Stewart. Hell, he could show up in nothing but a pair of briefs and still pull it off with his voice alone.

Posted by: Bawlmer | August 15, 2008 11:24 AM

Bawler, rumor has it that Patrick Stewart would fill out those briefs and then some. He is allegedly endowed with more than just a great voice.

How about Alex Trebek? You could answer everything in the form of a question, as in...

What is I Do?

Posted by: B'More Cat and Patrick Stewart Lover | August 15, 2008 12:55 PM | Report abuse

James Earl Jones. No question.

Posted by: M Street | August 15, 2008 12:56 PM | Report abuse

The guy you want is Father Jack, as featured in "Father Ted."

"Feck! Arse! Drink!"

Posted by: byoolin | August 15, 2008 12:17 PM

~~~~~~~~~~

I'd prefer Dougal. I imagine a spittle shower from Fr. Jack would not be a pleasant way to start a marriage. But Fr. Jack would definitely be invited to the reception.

Posted by: KT | August 15, 2008 12:57 PM | Report abuse

I am not a celebrity, but am a notary public who can sign marriage licenses in Virginia. I can even dress up like a pirate and marry couples in the Pastafarian tradition.

I would like to be married by James Earl Jones. He'd just bring such a gravitas to the ceremony that I missed out on by using the random JP that the Unitarian Church suggested.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | August 15, 2008 12:59 PM | Report abuse

oooh M Street I didn't see your post. Great minds think alike.

Stephen Colbert would also be fun.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | August 15, 2008 1:01 PM | Report abuse

Tera Patrick
Naked

Posted by: > | August 15, 2008 1:05 PM | Report abuse

btw, that would be standup comic howie mandel, and not gameshow host howie mandel.

Posted by: b | August 15, 2008 11:23 AM

He could do it in that annoying "Little Bobby" voice he too often used.

Me, I want James Cromwell. That'll do, Bride. That'll do. Well, it loses something without the Pig reference, but I still like him.

Posted by: delurker21113 | August 15, 2008 1:06 PM | Report abuse

I would like George Clooney to officiate, but mostly because I'd like to be that close to George w/out possibility of a restraining order ending the encounter.

Posted by: jes | August 15, 2008 11:51 AM


Change "George Clooney" to "Jon Bon Jovi" & you have my answer.

Or Nathan Fillion as Caleb but he'd have to go all demonic on us for it be truly memorable.

For the record, I have a minister's license. Yes, it's one of those "freebie from the back of Rolling Stone" deals, but still, I can perform all the marriages on Lizard Island.

Right next to the Tiki Bar!

Posted by: Bored @ work | August 15, 2008 1:08 PM | Report abuse

The officiant at our wedding was a friend who got himself ordained on the internet specially for the occasion. Since that joyous day, he has become quite famous. I like to think that the one thing led to the other.

Posted by: WDC | August 15, 2008 1:19 PM | Report abuse

I am not a celebrity, but am a notary public who can sign marriage licenses in Virginia. I can even dress up like a pirate and marry couples in the Pastafarian tradition.

I would like to be married by James Earl Jones. He'd just bring such a gravitas to the ceremony that I missed out on by using the random JP that the Unitarian Church suggested.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | August 15, 2008 12:59 PM
----------
Pastafarian? Is that what they eat after a spliff?

Jus' wonderin'

Posted by: higher love | August 15, 2008 1:21 PM | Report abuse

No higher love, it means I "worship" the Flying Spaghetti Monster. see it yourself at www.venganza.org.

Today I have begun answering all queries of "where is so and so?" with "last time I saw him/her, he/she was drinking by the dumpster." I love Fridays.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | August 15, 2008 1:26 PM | Report abuse

Oh, and re: the question of the day, I LOVE the Betty White suggestion. Robin Williams is the only comedian who threatens the structural integrity of my bladder (though there's this guy on comedy central... something Tosh? who comes close) but frankly, I don't want to be so completely upstaged on my wedding day.

Nooo, I'm thinking quiet dignity is the way to go. James Earl Jones, meh. Patrick Stewart (fully clothed, thank you), yes.

Paul Newman. Definitely. He could also double as the father of the bride, since he has that warm, paternal vibe down to a science.

Posted by: WDC | August 15, 2008 1:27 PM | Report abuse

RCR, you have literally made me LOL. I'm still giggling, in fact.

Posted by: WDC | August 15, 2008 1:28 PM | Report abuse

Shirley McClain...she could surely lay on some serious, new age mumbo-jumbo!

Posted by: CJB | August 15, 2008 1:29 PM | Report abuse

Maybe I should have had David Copperfield or that Crissangel guy officiate at my wedding so that it would appear like I was marrying George Clooney (or some other member of my kitchen pass list...)

Posted by: Hmmm...today Mr. Groovis looks like (fill in the blank) | August 15, 2008 1:30 PM | Report abuse

Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow would bring a certain something to the ceremony.

Queen Liz to make it all in the family. Andy and Page can be the flower pets.

Mel Brooks could also bring the funny.

But yeah, the Royal Shakespere Theatre trained Patrick Stewart would have the gravitas for a wonderful wedding. He can do comedy at the reception.

I am also an ordained minister.

Posted by: ep | August 15, 2008 1:33 PM | Report abuse

BONO!

He can sing, and officiate, and walk me down the aisle.

Of course I also might just pass out if I'm in the same room as him.

Posted by: cb | August 15, 2008 1:36 PM | Report abuse

And Tim Gunn could end the ceremony by waving his hands and saying "just go make it work"...

Posted by: CJB | August 15, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

George Carlin. Before he became a frisbee on the roof.

Posted by: ADHD | August 15, 2008 1:41 PM | Report abuse

The Great Zucchini could officiate (with a diaper on his head) if Joshua Bell would do the music....

Posted by: Red Dragon | August 15, 2008 1:44 PM | Report abuse

Tim Gunn, BRILLIANT, "Make it work."

Stuttering John of course, "Howard, dadadada do you tatatatatatat take bababababa Beth ...". "Beth, dadadada do you tatatatatatat take hohohohohoho Howard ..."

Posted by: mjo | August 15, 2008 1:49 PM | Report abuse

john cleese, but only if he led the processional with a silly walk.

Posted by: b | August 15, 2008 2:01 PM | Report abuse

the judge that did my friends' wedding as groucho marx was also the judge that did my wedding... and the judge that presided over my divorce.

ah, the circle of life.....

Posted by: b, with a true story... | August 15, 2008 12:28 PM

----------
You're right! Robin Williams would be perfect!

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 15, 2008 2:06 PM | Report abuse

Lemmy Kilmister of the beautiful
Motorhead

Posted by: mr. liz | August 15, 2008 2:17 PM | Report abuse

I'm never getting married. And I mean ever.

That said, I would go thru with it, provided I could get a quicky divorce, if I could be married by Tom Cruise.

Think of it - he could jump up on the ceremonial couch when I say "I do".

Awesome.

Posted by: bridesrus | August 15, 2008 2:23 PM | Report abuse

Dagnabbit, Groovis! This is the first spare moment I've had all day to check on celebritology and I was just itching to elect the priest from father of the bride. And you STOLE it! And then apparently many others would have as well.

True story- the Pastor at my great-grandmother's funeral spoke exactly like that. "we gatheuh heuh today to wemembeuh Mawjowie Dwuwi Mendenhawl..."

It was quite perfect considering my great-grandmother's fantastic sense of humor.

Hmm, flipping the question around, can we elect what celebrity we'd want presiding over our funeral? If he were alive, I think I'd want Mitch Hedberg so he could make really stupid jokes.

Posted by: Sully says you killed my father, prepare to die | August 15, 2008 2:37 PM | Report abuse

Tim Curry.

Posted by: jsk | August 15, 2008 2:48 PM | Report abuse

Jack Bauer, Dammit!

Posted by: here is my vote! | August 15, 2008 2:52 PM | Report abuse

Tiny Tim and Amy Whinehouse!

Posted by: come on, think outside the square! | August 15, 2008 2:54 PM | Report abuse

This has nothing to do with wedding officiants, but I think this means I'm a widow.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/08/14/bigfoot.body/index.html

Posted by: Ms. Snatchquatch | August 15, 2008 2:56 PM | Report abuse

Sully - sorry to step on your toes. I'll use any opportunity to use Princess Bride quotes.

For my funeral I'd like to go straight to Bud Cort a la "Harold and Maude." He'd know how to do a good one complete with a groovy hearse.

Posted by: Groovis hopes Sully doesn't have an overdeveloped sense of vengeance | August 15, 2008 2:59 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus officiating at the renewal of vows of M/M Sasquatch.

Dorkus: "Do you Ms. Sas take this, this, this beast, er Mr. 'Quatch for whatever purposes you might ever imagine?"

Ms. Sas, "Yes, Ready for Fuchsmachen???"

Sas, "MMMMMMmmmmmmmmm!"

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 15, 2008 3:01 PM | Report abuse

NOooooooooooooooooo!

My sincere condolences to you, Ms Snatchquatch. He was such a fine figure of a cryptid when alive.

We will sorely miss him. But I can't help but keep a flicker of hope alive that this is all a terrible hoax and SASQUATCH LIVES!

sorry

(wait a minute, what was he doing in Georgia? Had he gone to help the freedom fighters against the Commies? Was a bombed-out Trojan Lizard found nearby?)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 15, 2008 3:03 PM | Report abuse

I still need to know if the Tiki Bar sells drinks with umbrellas. I am half way thru a new invention and need to know if I am wasting time and should go on to helping Mudge with the F**t-O-Meter.

My new invention is call the Parasol Preventer.

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 15, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

Sounds like you're on to something, E Howe. With the economy tanking, the umbrella drink will quickly become a thing of the past. Get in on the ground floor with a first-rate bartender's tool like a "Parasol Preventer", that's the ticket.

Maybe I ought to let you in on my other brainstorm: the INSTA-HOVEL.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 15, 2008 3:18 PM | Report abuse

The Parasol Preventer is actually a screening tool to prevent umbrella drinks from being ordered.

There is a brain scan unit and a partition located at the front door. The brain scan unit detects anyone with "umbrella drink" on their mind. The scan unit activated a special U shaped partition which takes the offending person into the front door, turns them around and exits them out.

I believe that this will be my finest invention dedicated to all the true drinkers in the world. (Ice only waters down good booze.)

There is only one small glitch, the brain scan frequently misreads Sasquatch for umbrella and would turn our beloved Sas out of the Tiki!

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 15, 2008 3:31 PM | Report abuse

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 15, 2008 3:03 PM

Dang, that's the third keyboard this week.

Posted by: b | August 15, 2008 3:36 PM | Report abuse

Woah!

That invention is even better than I thought.

Think of the other cross-market uses there would be for such advanced technology.

Why, DHS would pay a king's ransom to have such a tool at our borders to discourage illegal entry for the purpose of having an umbrella drink!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 15, 2008 3:37 PM | Report abuse

Today I have begun answering all queries of "where is so and so?" with "last time I saw him/her, he/she was drinking by the dumpster." I love Fridays.


Thanks RCR, next time someone asks me where one the attorneys is, I'll be sure to use this.

Posted by: jake e. poo tired of shrugging | August 15, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

And Mudge it has the advantage of being bilingual:

Parasol Preventer

Paraguas Prevenir

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 15, 2008 3:46 PM | Report abuse

But what about our northern boarders?

That's where Byoolin slipped in.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 15, 2008 3:47 PM | Report abuse

James Bond-just because it would be cool

Posted by: Mindypoo | August 15, 2008 3:48 PM | Report abuse

Can't remember if RCR has an official Island job, but official snappy-comeback-maker springs to mind. BTW, students and educators the world round would be indebted to you for a way to stop people from asking, "Now when do you go back to school?" Yechh.

Posted by: jsk | August 15, 2008 3:49 PM | Report abuse

But what about our northern boarders?

I never took French. Just learned about Frenching.

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 15, 2008 3:50 PM | Report abuse

No prob, jsk, I have just the thing percolating in my brain: The Date-O-Meter T-Shirt.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 15, 2008 3:54 PM | Report abuse

Frenching.

Isn't that what they do to lamb ribs to make the bones stick out.


urp, never mind . . .

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 15, 2008 3:56 PM | Report abuse

the image of men in thongs sure shut down this conversation!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 15, 2008 3:10 PM

Posted by: Anonymous | August 15, 2008 4:10 PM | Report abuse

Thank you, Curmudgeon. I wanna think my late husband lives, but he hasn't posted since early this morning.......

Posted by: Widow Sasquatch | August 15, 2008 4:11 PM | Report abuse

I would like to be married by the Japanese host from Iron Chef, and then be ceremonially dunked with my beloved in an enormous vat of ramen. The FSM would be proud.

Failing that, I think Conan O'Brien could do a stand-up job with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert as altar boys.

Oh! Or Dame Edna! Wait, is she still alive?

Posted by: Bawlmer has wandered off the ranch and, apparently, onto late-night television. | August 15, 2008 4:24 PM | Report abuse

Chief Dorkus,

Who do I see about my application as the Official Inventor of the Island?

I believe that Mudge would give me a warm recommendation.

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 15, 2008 4:26 PM | Report abuse

The Church Lady from SNL.

Isn't your wedding "special".

Posted by: My vote | August 15, 2008 4:32 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer, Barry Humphries reports that Dame Edna is still very much alive and well, with a couple of film projects going.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0402032

Posted by: Nosy Parker wonders why Possum didn't catch this one first | August 15, 2008 4:41 PM | Report abuse

Oh, and Dame Edna underwent an appendectomy earlier this year, but apparently recovered just fine.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0402032/news#ni0133429

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 15, 2008 4:42 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer - I saw Dame Edna last year at the Warner Theater. I got tickets in the front row so that she would pick on my husband - it was great!

Here's a Dame Edna quote for Sas : "I know body hair bothers some women, but a lot of men like a fluffy partner."

Posted by: Groovis | August 15, 2008 4:47 PM | Report abuse

Widow Sasquatch,

I have excellent news. I have found Mr. Sasquatch. He is hung up in Mr. Howe's "parasol prévenir." Mr Sasquatch was apparently trying to cross into Washington state from Canada. However, the bad news is that Mr. Howe hasn't figured how to get him out! (damn prototypes!)

Posted by: Sherlock Holmes | August 15, 2008 4:49 PM | Report abuse

Capital news, Holmes, quite capital!

Posted by: Curmudgeon likes to affect Edwardianisms | August 15, 2008 4:55 PM | Report abuse

But, I am afraid to report that my associate, Mr. Watson, theorizes that Mr. Sasquatch might have been thinking about umbrella drinks and this is why Mr. Sasquatch was caught. Bloody awful though that one!

Posted by: Sherlock Holmes | August 15, 2008 4:58 PM | Report abuse

I'm thinking perhaps Scott from Kids in the Hall, but he'd have to officiate dressed as Queen Elizabeth (the current one).

Stephen Fry could also be a very wry choice for an officiant. :)

Posted by: CentrevilleMom | August 15, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

oh, too bad, that.

Keep up the splended work, old chap. What.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 15, 2008 5:03 PM | Report abuse

Sherlock Holmes,

Thank you for finding him! I knew those punks on CNN were playing a hoax! Time for me to get "fluffy" with ol' Sas tonight. MMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!

Posted by: Widow Sasquatch | August 15, 2008 5:03 PM | Report abuse

Carry-over from yesterday:

How M/M Sasquatch met -

Sasquatch: "Hrrrr Mmmmmm Sasquatch."

Ms Snatchquatch: "Bbbbb Huurrr
Fuchsmachen???"

Sasquatch: "MMMMMMmmmmmmmmm!"

Posted by: Curmudgeon loves a good romance | August 15, 2008 5:10 PM | Report abuse

Elementary, my dear Ms. Former Widow Sasquatch. Elementary.

I deduced from the clues that Mr. Howe gave me (about his new invention but didn't know the French name for it and it sometimes will malfunction in a most unfortunate way) and the clues that Curmudgeon gave me about Canada ("That's where Byoolin slipped in.")

2 + 2 plus press reports about Mr. Sasquatch being sighted in the Pacific NW and I determined the answer is 4!

Any time I may be of service, Madam, please call.

Posted by: Sherlock Holmes | August 15, 2008 5:12 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon,

Ah yes, ol' Sas has always had a way with his grunts.

Posted by: Widow Sasquatch | August 15, 2008 5:13 PM | Report abuse

Brilliant, Holmes, simply brilliant!

Posted by: Former Widow Sasquatch | August 15, 2008 5:15 PM | Report abuse

Ms Snatchquatch: "Bbbbb Huurrr
Fuchsmachen???"

Sasquatch: "MMMMMMmmmmmmmmm!

Nothing better than bouncing bones to determine compatibility!

Posted by: The Marriage Counselor | August 15, 2008 5:25 PM | Report abuse

Ah yes, Former Widow Sasquatch, those grunts of his make you want to throw back you head and sniff the air!

Posted by: Curmudgoen knows luuuuv when she smells it | August 15, 2008 5:51 PM | Report abuse

Eddie Izzard. As long as his dress wasn't better than mine and he did any Bible readings in his God-as-James-Mason voice.

Posted by: Chasmosaur | August 16, 2008 2:43 PM | Report abuse

If I weren't alrady married (in CA, NY, and MA, at least), I'd ask Gene Weingarten to do the ceremony with Liz producing.

Posted by: Arlington Gay | August 17, 2008 1:17 PM | Report abuse

I'm late reading this, but Steve Martin would be my choice. Excuuuuse Me!

Posted by: Kirsten | August 18, 2008 10:06 AM | Report abuse

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