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Posted at 11:00 AM ET, 08/13/2008

Insta-Poll: Is Tom Cruise Too Old for Action?

By Liz Kelly

Too old or just right? Tom Cruise at Monday's L.A. premiere of 'Tropic Thunder.' (AP)

Tom Cruise, it seems, has been kicked to the curb in favor of Angelina Jolie in the upcoming action movie "Edwin A. Salt." What has Angie got that Tom hasn't? She's wanted by men (even men who look like Brad Pitt), admired by (most) women and -- at 33 -- 13 years younger than TC who, despite his ability to leap over couches in a single bound and, like, father children, is within striking distance of AARP membership.

In absence of any concrete clues as to why TC was actually dropped, we'll examine the "too old" theory here (and leave the "too crazy" and "box office poison" theories for another day). And, let's face it, there are cold, hard facts backing Angie's preeminence and Tom's failing ability to muster a box office frenzy. Jolie's "Wanted" -- in which she plays a rail-thin, tattooed, bullet-bending assassin -- took in $50 million in its opening weekend and is currently at the $131 million mark in domestic earnings. Cruise's last outing -- "Lions for Lambs" -- languished, pulling in only $6.7 million its opening weekend and earning $15 million overall. And release date delays don't bode well for his next film, the World War II Nazi drama "Valkyrie." Sure, "Mission: Impossible III" made $133 million, but that fell far short of Cruise's supersized box office takes of yesteryear.

In a story about the release of 2002's "Minority Report," the then 40-year-old Cruise was described as:

"...[specializing] in shiny actualizations of the young male ego-in almost all of his performances, he's been muscular, intense, cocksure, charming and self-deprecating."

Contrast that with this take on Cruise, from the Fug Girls earlier this year:

There's an entire generation of people who know Tom Cruise only from his marriage, his antics, and his passionate proselytizing about Scientology; there's no film project anymore that won't be overshadowed his public persona.

So despite his pedigree as "Top Gun's" Maverick, at 46 is Tom Cruise -- willingly or not -- joining the ranks of Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mel Gibson? Once the stable of go-to action guys, this crew is quickly finding themselves supplanted by younger, fresher models. One need only witness Ford's rickety performance in this summer's "Indiana Jones and the Kindgom of the Crystal Skull" to see the then 65-year-old effectively shown up at every turn by heir apparent Shia LaBeouf. You can practically hear Indy's bones creaking as he stumbles through abbreviated action sequences.

Other elder statesmen of the action genre have managed to move on. Schwarzenegger, famously, as governor of California (because you're never too old for office, right?). Mel Gibson, despite some ill-considered PR snafus, seems more at home behind the lens than in front of it. And erstwhile James Bond Pierce Brosnan perhaps best personified the aging action hero by poking fun at himself and the idea of aging action guys in 2005's "The Matador." (If you haven't seen it yet, leave work now and rent it. We'll wait.)

So, has TC reached his "sell by" date? You tell me.

By Liz Kelly  | August 13, 2008; 11:00 AM ET
Categories:  Insta-Polls, TomKat  
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Comments

I do think it may be a mistake to leave out the "crazy", since that's pretty much all there is about him the last few years. I don't think it's age or shortness or bad haircut or even the awful/scary Scientology on its own (since there are other scary Scientologists in Hollywood who are quieter about it). It's the batsh!t crazy that keeps people away. Plain and simple.

Posted by: jaybbub | August 13, 2008 11:17 AM | Report abuse

It's rather funny to compare box office between "Wanted" and "Lions For Lambs" because you're talking about such enormously different movies. Try comparing "Wanted" to "MI:3", both being star-driven action vehicles, and you get a much more accurate comparison.

Posted by: 23112 | August 13, 2008 11:17 AM | Report abuse

Oh, and in terms of TC's personal life affecting his movie performances, I don't really see it. I thought he was really quite good in War Of The Worlds (still one of my favorite movies in recent years) and while the first two Mission Impossibles were OK and meh, respectively, I was on the edge of my seat for most of MI:3. Some of the credit goes to JJ Abrams for that, but TC definitely brought his A-game to that movie.

Posted by: 23112 | August 13, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

Even if he were offered those roles, he would have to turn them down.

See, Tom is going to be a stay at home dad and raise little Suri while Katie revives her acting career on Broadway.

hahahahahahahaha

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 13, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

Jet Li is 46 and Jackie Chan is in his fifties and they are better action guys than Tom, Mel and Arnold.

With Tom, ever since he went ‘crazy” on Oprah and the Today show, I lost interest.

Posted by: smith | August 13, 2008 11:27 AM | Report abuse

I think there's a big difference between TC at 46 and Harrison Ford at 65 (and yes it was kind of sad to see Indy at his age even though he's still attractive its just not the same). I also think TC has an advantage that he doesn't LOOK 46. He's kept up pretty well. So basically I agree that its not about age its about the crazy.

By the way - who are the next generation of action stars? Vin Diseal and the Rock started to look like they were stepping up but there's been nothing lately? Who are the next Bruce, Harrison, Mel and TC?

Posted by: sjcpeach | August 13, 2008 11:28 AM | Report abuse

I don't blame it on his age so much as I blame it on that something-crazy in his eyes. No matter how good his performances might be, I can't shake the crazy. I'm even projecting it on historical TC movies.

Posted by: Sully | August 13, 2008 11:29 AM | Report abuse

To: sjcpeach

The next generation of action stars?

Why, Sylvester Stallone, of course. Just ask him.

(blech)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 13, 2008 11:30 AM | Report abuse

I'd make sure to include Jasan Statham in any list of up-and-coming action stars.

Posted by: Liz Kelly | August 13, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

It's all about the Benjamins, as the kids say.

"Lions for Lambs" made $15M; MI:3 made $133M, and who knows what Valkyrie will make if it ever gets released. L4L cost $35M, MI:3 cost $150M, and Valkyrie cost $95M.

$280M out vs $148M in.

Hell, *I* can earn your movie company $-132M. But I want an exec producer credit.

Posted by: ...and eventually byoolin would also like to direct. | August 13, 2008 11:35 AM | Report abuse

Can we even consider TC to be an action-movie star? Outside of the last two MI films, most of TC's work involves a character making speeches.

Sure he sat in a cockpit for Top Gun, but I don't really think of that as in the same caliber of say Predator or Indianna Jones. Die hard is an action movie, Jerry Maguire is not.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 13, 2008 11:40 AM | Report abuse

Lizzie, we can't ignore the crazy. That's like ordering a pizza, hold the cheese, sauce, and dough. That's pretty much all there is to him now. If it wasn't for the crazy, I'd still do him, and I would still enjoy his performances. But just like with Mel Gibson, every time I see him I feel this combination of loathing and disgust because of the things that they have said and done that WERE NOT MAKE-BELIEVE. That ruins the willing suspension of disbelief for me. Or, more accurately, it saps my willingness to try.

Posted by: The Cosmic Avenger | August 13, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

What IS it with bashing guys in their mid-40s on this blog? Seems to have become a new side sport on Celebritology. Didn't we just have a discussion a few weeks ago about 45 being so-called old? Sheesh.

(And hasn't the let's-bash-Tom-Cruise well run a bit dry here anyway? What, did Britney keep her pants on today or something?)

Posted by: td is about to hit the prune juice | August 13, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus nailed it. Up until the Mission Impossible series, Tom Cruise was doing regular drama and comedy films. MI was one of his first forays into action and at the time he was cast, I just couldn't see it. He managed to pull it off, nonetheless, but some belief had to be suspended.

Kinda like casting Clooney for Batman.

Anyway, time and time again, folks just can't believe Tom Cruise is cast for something. Working with Kubric? Cruise as Lestat? Cruise in sci fi?

So I think he should continue to surprise us. If I were his agent, his next move would be a starting role in a Bollywood musical.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 13, 2008 12:05 PM | Report abuse

The poll needs a fifth choice: There's no way in hell I am ever going to watch another Tom Cruise movie so it really doesn't matter one way or the other.

Posted by: arlington | August 13, 2008 12:06 PM | Report abuse

I'm finding myself having very conflicting thoughts on the matter. On the one hand, I'm here on a celeb gossip blog, so clearly I'm interested in the lives of these whackjobs. But too often, their personalities ruin their performances, so I catch myself muttering about locking them all away so they can't date, procreate, flash the cameras, or worst of all, TALK.
TC is an oddly attractive man, taken as the sum of his physical parts. But I cannot, simply CANNOT enjoy him in movies anymore. Like Sully, I apply the judginess retroactively to old-time faves like Top Gun.
How about applying a little weasel-wording to the problem? YES, he's too old for action movies, because he should have stopped aging (and talking) about six or seven years ago. If the last six or seven years hadn't happened, he wouldn't be old, and we wouldn't be creeped out.

Posted by: WDC | August 13, 2008 12:06 PM | Report abuse

Daniel Craig must be on the list of up-and-coming action heroes, although some would suggest that he is already an icon since taking over the role of James Bond.

Speaking of which, Roger Moore was 58 in his last Bond movie, and Pierce Brosnan was 49 -- both older than Tom Cruise.

Posted by: skm | August 13, 2008 12:06 PM | Report abuse

Good points. I don't think he's "old" as in number of years since his birth as much as "old" as in stale, moldy bread.

Posted by: Sully | August 13, 2008 12:12 PM | Report abuse

hear, hear, Sully.

I don't think this is an issue of ageism as much as plain old crusiness.

True, Harrison Ford as "Indy" is pushing the line (but it's still good to see he can keep that fedora stuck firmly to his head) and Mel Gibson couldn't easily revive "Mad Max" with much verisimilitude etc, etc.

But, Tom Cruise as "anybody" is still Tom Wackadoodlle Cruise.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 13, 2008 12:24 PM | Report abuse

Nice move to say you weren't going to talk about the crazy and the box office poison, then supply the quote and the box office numbers.

Face it, he would still be making action movies, or any movie, if he were not crazy and box office poison. Harrison Ford may be 65, but you notice Indy 4 did so well, they are talking about more.

I could live with the abbreviated action sequences in Indy becuase they were taking into account that Indy was old enough to have a 20 something son. So he would not be as actiony as he would have been when he was chasing the Nazis in the '30s.

Posted by: ep | August 13, 2008 12:26 PM | Report abuse

it's not the age, it's the whackadoodle light emanating from his eyes. supersedes everything else. everything.

Posted by: janet believes tc to be nuttier than mr. peanut | August 13, 2008 12:27 PM | Report abuse

I've been saying for months now that I don't NEED Celebritology. I just like the way Liz Kelly writes and I enjoy the company of the other snarkers.

But when the comments page wouldn't load for a full 10 minutes, my heart started racing and I broke a cold sweat.

Is this a bad sign?

Posted by: Sully needs to find a Lizards Anonymous Anonymous meeting tout de suite | August 13, 2008 12:28 PM | Report abuse

The third MI wasn't bad, I actually own that and Collateral and still enjoy them. I'll go see him in a movie if I found it interesting but he's been putting out some snoozers in my opinion.

Also, Jason Statham and Jet Li are mentioned before are still out there bringing the action.

Posted by: petal | August 13, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Sully, the first step is to admit that you are powerless to your addiction to snark.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 13, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Does anyone else get the Tom Cruise 25 years, visit the official site advert at the top of your pages? Is this cross promotion?

Posted by: petal | August 13, 2008 12:36 PM | Report abuse

petal,

first, where have you been?

last, there seems to be some sort of sniffer at work that matches up word strings to adverts on these blog sites. Some times it works, other times it's just silly. Tom Cruise is always silly.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 13, 2008 12:40 PM | Report abuse

Actually, I was turned off Tom Cruise right around "The Last Samurai," which happened before he lost his mind. It was when I noticed he was taking himself far too seriously.

Can't remember what channel I was watching (I'm guessing either AMC or Bravo, since TCM doesn't interrupt its movies), but I was watching "The Seven Samurai," which was being shown in connection with promotion for "The Last Samurai." Cruise and director Edward Zwick were "presenting" "The Seven Samurai" and at every commercial break, they would blather on pretentiously about their movie, basically talking about their little project in the same vein as one of Kurosawa's masterpieces. I vowed at that point never to watch "The Last Samurai." Still haven't.

Posted by: KLeewrite | August 13, 2008 12:40 PM | Report abuse

Although I have to admit, I really enjoyed "Collateral."

Posted by: KLeewrite | August 13, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

The ads are from Google. I wouldn't be surprised if Google has the technology to know what you were eating right now and serve up an ad for jalapeno cheetos.

Posted by: M Street | August 13, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Gerard Butler...

I can't watch anything tc does anymore. too, too, wacky. the butter has definitely slipped off his noodles.

Posted by: b | August 13, 2008 12:46 PM | Report abuse

Of course he's too old! Stars like TC have made a lot of money for a long time - so what if now at almost half a century, he should totally retire and allow someone who isn't in danger of busting a hip take these kinds of performences. If we're even debating on whether a force of personality like Cruise CAN still make a movie viewers are willing to suspend disbelief in, then it's too much effort - there's thousands of actors in Hollywood. Give it to someone who isn't alreaty a millionaire.

Posted by: LP | August 13, 2008 12:48 PM | Report abuse

Sully, the first step is to admit that you are powerless to your addiction to snark.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 13, 2008 12:31 PM

But what happens when she gets to the step about making amends? Seriously, does she have to go apologized to the snarkees?

Posted by: jes | August 13, 2008 12:49 PM | Report abuse

Mmmm, thanks for the tasty mentions of Jason Statham and Daniel Craig. But what, no gratuitous link?

Posted by: jaybbub | August 13, 2008 12:51 PM | Report abuse

aauugghh, apologize, no d needed there.

Posted by: jes | August 13, 2008 12:51 PM | Report abuse

I think TC reached his sell by date when all you see when you watch the movie is Tom Cruise and you can't even for a minute suspend disbelief. As TC has gotten crazier and the publicity of his antics has surpassed the publicity of any movie/acting he might be doing, all you see on the screen is Tom Cruise, his age, his crazy, his love life, etc. For me, I can't get past his celebrity and enjoy the movie. But, I can still watch Top Gun and oogle Iceman.

Posted by: mdt | August 13, 2008 1:10 PM | Report abuse

"almost half a century"
"someone who isn't in danger of busting a hip"

That does it. I'm lobbying Liz for a 40+ section of the Comments. No one admitted without fond memories of "The Brady Bunch" and Wacky Packages.

Posted by: td is m-o-k and brought to you by geritol | August 13, 2008 1:10 PM | Report abuse

I think it's mostly about the crazy. A good number of the men who will star in the big action movies of 2008 are 40 or over

Ron Perlman is 58, Robert Downey JR is 43, Daniel Craig, Brendan Fraiser, and Will Smith all turn 40 this year - if Will Smith is 40, I'm officially old.
And while Indiana Jones was iffy, it's still the number 3 movie for the year, so lets not discount Harrison Ford.

Also, Angelina Jolie is probably one of the best current action actor/actresses right now, TC was not that great to begin with.

Posted by: MGC | August 13, 2008 1:17 PM | Report abuse

Although I have to admit, I really enjoyed "Collateral."

Posted by: KLeewrite | August 13, 2008 12:41 PM

***
I enjoyed Collateral too - but maybe since he's crazy, the killer was an extension of him.

Also, I second the Matador (with Pierce Brosnan) - Liz's recommendation - it was a really entertaining flick - caught it by chance on cable....

My vote is TC's case of whack-itis that's infected him...

Posted by: anonymous lurker | August 13, 2008 1:17 PM | Report abuse

I voted "it's not about age" b/c it's about the fact that he's just whackadoodle. But that doesn't explain his replacement by equally whackadoodle Angelina Jolie.

Posted by: Californian | August 13, 2008 1:19 PM | Report abuse

let's as opposed to lets

Posted by: MGC | August 13, 2008 1:21 PM | Report abuse

"Mel Gibson" and "a few PR snafus" in the same sentence! LOL

Posted by: Funee | August 13, 2008 1:22 PM | Report abuse

That does it. I'm lobbying Liz for a 40+ section of the Comments. No one admitted without fond memories of "The Brady Bunch" and Wacky Packages.

Posted by: td is m-o-k and brought to you by geritol | August 13, 2008 1:10 PM

Oooh, Wacky Packages! Thank you, td, you just made my day!

(Would the <40's think that TC is a Wacky Package?)

Posted by: ADHD | August 13, 2008 1:26 PM | Report abuse

The 40+ section could be in LARGE TYPE FONT. That would help you guys out once your kids help you navigate the Internets to find it, that is.

Posted by: M Street | August 13, 2008 1:30 PM | Report abuse

Insta-Poll: Is Tom Cruise Too Old for Action?

Katie's been voting "yes" for a while now....

Posted by: Groovis is like cheese and wine, TC not so much...... | August 13, 2008 1:32 PM | Report abuse

The 40+ section could be in LARGE TYPE FONT. That would help you guys out once your kids help you navigate the Internets to find it, that is.

Posted by: M Street | August 13, 2008 1:30 PM

Between hot flashes.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 13, 2008 1:37 PM | Report abuse

I don't mind Angelina's brand of craziness... she seems to keep her crazy to herself and doesn't go around telling other people how to live.

Posted by: b | August 13, 2008 1:39 PM | Report abuse

I wouldn't watch Tom Cruise in a commercial. He's a smug, self aggrandizing, little toad. Period.

Posted by: WI | August 13, 2008 1:47 PM | Report abuse

Cruise can still do action movies but just not the teen heart throb type. There are plenty of older actors like Clint Eastwood, Robert Duvall, and Ed Harris who were able to transition into mature action roles. Hopefully Cruise can do it right and not end up ruining his career like DeNiro and Pacino have.

Posted by: Cleveland Brown | August 13, 2008 1:51 PM | Report abuse

It's not just that he's self-serious. He doesn't really seem quite human. When Katie Holmes first hooked up with him, a friend of mine called him a "movie star robot." There seemed to be nothing beyond the movie star, although in retrospect, that was probably for the best. Angelina Jolie, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon -- there actually seem to be personalities behind the facades.

By the way, based on the Bourne movies, I think Matt Damon should be included in this generation of action stars.

Posted by: KLeewrite | August 13, 2008 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Hopefully Cruise can do it right and not end up ruining his career like DeNiro and Pacino have.

Posted by: Cleveland Brown | August 13, 2008 1:51 PM

Right. The 2 most respected American actors have pissed it all down the tubes.
Check out the receipts & the notices for "Meet the Fockers".

Posted by: Oh, brother | August 13, 2008 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Hey, I've had it up to here with all the over 40 celinedion. Now all you kids get off my #@$%* ^! lawn and pull your pants up!

Posted by: jes | August 13, 2008 2:01 PM | Report abuse

"Old" men can still pull off action, but the role has to change somewhat. They need to be more of the reluctant hero, the hardened man, or the hero's last hurrah. Look at Stallone - his last Rambo movie was every bit as good as his previous ones. Granted, that particular bar is set pretty low. But he could do it because he changed the Rambo character to a guy who is haunted and troubled, who goes into the jungle for redemption as much as to rescue others.

The problem is that Cruise made his mark playing the young hearthrob, the ones the girls squeal over. He stretched that pretty far because he had naturally youthful looks. He can still make it as the older hero, but he'll need to prove it.

Personally, I'd chalk it up to "box office poison" more than age.

Posted by: DC Cubefarm | August 13, 2008 2:04 PM | Report abuse

Thank you, M Street and jes. I needed some giggles.

I like DC Cubefarm's analysis. We like to see our action heroes aging out of all that violent nonsense, but getting sucked back into it and acquitting themselves well.

Posted by: WDC | August 13, 2008 2:10 PM | Report abuse

Hey, all you old folks need to carm down or we young 'uns will take away your Matlock and Murder She Wrote episodes.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 13, 2008 2:13 PM | Report abuse

Since I can't post to Morning Mix, I'll just have to settle for snarking on the Cruise.

All this talk of men, men, MEN! We've had old men playing action figures for years (Sean Connery, anyone?)

Why not old women? Jane Fonda and Helen Mirren still have it. Heck, Madonna can bench press Tom Cruise. She was never much of a dramatic actress. Perhaps action could have been her genre. Although now, it may offend her delicate Kabbalah sensibilities.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 13, 2008 2:14 PM | Report abuse

Bearing in mind that everything I know about Tropic Thunder is what I read in the WaPo review, I believe Tom Cruise has a role in this mock action flick not as a mock action star but as a crazy/blowhard studio exec. That about sums things up.

Posted by: 44west | August 13, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

(Psst, Matlock. Quick, get out the Olds. We're going for a joy ride! Now where did I leave that Steppenwolf cassette. . . .)

Posted by: Jessica Fletcher | August 13, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

Hey, all you old folks need to carm down or we young 'uns will take away your Matlock and Murder She Wrote episodes.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 13, 2008 2:13 PM

That Jessica Fletcher is the kiss of death to friends & family. Hot dog, anyone? I'm buying.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 13, 2008 2:22 PM | Report abuse

Mudge,

They found a way to make me work while at work.

Posted by: petal | August 13, 2008 2:23 PM | Report abuse

My god, Petal. What sort of evil corporation do you work for?

Posted by: Sully | August 13, 2008 2:29 PM | Report abuse

petal,

Owe, the humanity!

(or as Maynard G Krebs would say . . . "WORK???!!!!??")

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 13, 2008 2:29 PM | Report abuse

My god, Petal. What sort of evil corporation do you work for?

Posted by: Sully | August 13, 2008 2:29 PM

No way can it be the Feds.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 13, 2008 2:39 PM | Report abuse

Hahahhhhahh, you all crack me up.

Seriously, the work was uncalled for, the pay is welcome but the work.... uncalled for.

Posted by: petal | August 13, 2008 2:55 PM | Report abuse

"Hahahhhhahh, you all crack me up. "

Logical.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 13, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

TC = self-important yukky wacky duck with weird teeth.

His movies = entertaining but becoming overshadowed by TC himself. More Magnolia or Eyes Wide Shut roles, which use his weaknesses as part of the role might get me to watch... but I don't think so.

Posted by: jsk | August 13, 2008 4:19 PM | Report abuse

Jes writes:

"But what happens when she gets to the step about making amends? Seriously, does she have to go apologized to the snarkees?"

No! Skip ahead to Step 12:

Having had a shadenfreude awakening as the result of thee snark, we try to carry the message to TTTs, Mean Mommies, and ass-sordid Trolls everywhere on the Net, and to practice these principles in all our online comments.

Posted by: 12-step Sasquatch | August 13, 2008 4:32 PM | Report abuse

DCcuebfarm writes:

""Old" men can still pull off action, but the role has to change somewhat."

Is that like being ambidextrous?

Posted by: Sasquatch breathlessly switches hands | August 13, 2008 4:34 PM | Report abuse

DCcubefarm writes:

""Old" men can still pull off action, but the role has to change somewhat."

Is that like being ambidextrous?

Posted by: Sasquatch breathlessly switches hands | August 13, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

Okay, since I've been asked to be on topic....

Other than Tom Cruise being a wacko Napoleonic Scientologist who won't come out of the closet with his secret boyfriend, Dan Snyder, and who's claim to acting chops consists solely of the semi-hysterical harangue, I have nothing bad to say about him.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 13, 2008 4:49 PM | Report abuse

Is there anything else (on topic) you'd like to share with us, Sas?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 13, 2008 4:51 PM | Report abuse

mmmmm Daniel Craig. More photos please!

Posted by: Julie | August 13, 2008 4:56 PM | Report abuse

Yeah.

Anybody who evidences the most remote liking for any aspect of Dane Cook's appearance, personality, performance, preferences, or pretenses needs to eat a cervelat served by Rolf Buettiker, get hit by a giant inflatable dog turd, and be forced to go on Dancing With the Stars as Ryan Seacrest's dancing partner.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 13, 2008 4:58 PM | Report abuse

Well then.

Thankew, Sas.

Posted by: Curmudgeon rushes to get a cold cloth to cool Sasquatch's fevered brain | August 13, 2008 5:06 PM | Report abuse

Agree with the numerous earlier posters that TC's cruisiness is what's doing him in, because there are enough successful older action stars to disprove the age theory.

Never saw Dane Clark till his SNL appearance, couldn't fathom his appeal.

Posted by: Nosy Parker is playing catch-up | August 13, 2008 5:25 PM | Report abuse

All,

This is why, in the unfathomable wisdom of the Lizards, a DaneCook is defined in the Celebritology Universe as follows:

DaneCook – a heftier version of celinedion; as in, “I feel so much better after taking that massive DaneCook”

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 13, 2008 6:18 PM | Report abuse

Why the heck didn't I come up with a terrific handle like The Cosmic Avenger (at noon)??? I really missed the boat.

Posted by: alex | August 13, 2008 7:21 PM | Report abuse

". . .be forced to go on Dancing With the Stars as Ryan Seacrest's dancing partner."

Sas, there's talk about Lance Bass having a male partner this season. Unfortunately, it won't be Seacrest since it would have to be one of the professionals. Too bad.

Posted by: alex thinks of missed ratings | August 13, 2008 7:32 PM | Report abuse

mmmmm Daniel Craig. More photos please!

Posted by: Julie | August 13, 2008 4:56 PM

Daniel Craig in a bathing suit is .... nice.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 14, 2008 7:52 AM | Report abuse

"Why the heck didn't I come up with a terrific handle like The Cosmic Avenger (at noon)??? I really missed the boat."

Posted by: alex | August 13, 2008 7:21 PM

The only name that's better to snark under is Chatwoman, and that's taken too. But if you're starting point is "alex", don't bother trying to come up with anything better, you'll just disappoint everyone.

(See? With a handle like mine, it is SO easy to sound as if you should care what I think, even when I know I'm full of [scientology].)

Posted by: The Cosmic Avenger | August 14, 2008 12:09 PM | Report abuse

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