Network News

X My Profile
View More Activity
Posted at 7:31 AM ET, 08/12/2008

Morning Mix: Cruise Role Rewritten for Angelina Jolie

By Liz Kelly
Tuesday

Headlines: Tom Cruise role rewritten for Angelina Jolie... Public memorial service for Bernie Mac to take place Saturday in Chicago... Madonna sprains almost-50-year-old ankle, throwing birthday shindig into disarray... Lynn Spears's book cover released... Matt Damon thinks Americans should travel more... Salma Hayek developing wedding reality series... Another creditor sues Ed McMahon for $250,000... KISS's Paul Stanley and wife expecting second child... Jake Gyllenhaal bulks up for "Prince of Persia" role... Duran Duran's Simon Le Bon shows off Speedo-clad figure (NSFW).

Crime Watch: Hayden Panettiere's father accused of striking wife.

Rumor Mill: Tori Spelling pulls out of new "90210" in salary dispute... Matthew Fox and Evangeline Lily lead "Lost" pay raise bid... Seth Green thisclose to joining cast of "Heroes"... Standoffish Gwyneth Paltrow annoys Hamptons party-goers... Janet Jackson's weight yo-yo'ing up the scale again?... Lenny Kravitz taking over as Velvet Revolver frontman?... Mary-Kate Olsen posts party pix on Facebook page... Jason Statham bounced from Playboy mansion party... Donald Trump ready for sixth child.

Video: Britney's VMA Promo:

By Liz Kelly  | August 12, 2008; 7:31 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Britney Spears: Ready for Her Close-Up?
Next: In Praise of Robert Downey Jr.

Comments

Nice post about Matt Damon...it's rather refreshing to hear a Hollywood celeb praising American efforts around the world.

Posted by: 23112 | August 12, 2008 8:50 AM | Report abuse

Mrs Spears' book is described as "spunky'?

Get out my 10-foot fork.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 12, 2008 8:52 AM | Report abuse

seriously? people in the hamptons come all out to "stop the slaughter of horses, donkeys and mules for dog meat in Mexico"? isn't there something a little closer to home they could pour their gratuitous time and cash into?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 8:53 AM | Report abuse

Shirtless Jake? YAY

Movie plot line? NAY

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 12, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse

Like Duran Duran in its heyday, Simon Le Bon continues to pay attention to the important business details of packaging and moving units.

Posted by: byoolin | August 12, 2008 9:03 AM | Report abuse

"seriously?... [blah, blah, blah]... isn't there something a little closer to home they could pour their gratuitous time and cash into?" - Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 8:53 AM

*****

Aren't you supposed to be on a blind date, meeting Kettle?

Posted by: byoolin | August 12, 2008 9:08 AM | Report abuse

Ok Byool - thanks for the morning keyboard spew...

Posted by: LTL | August 12, 2008 9:11 AM | Report abuse

While I agree with Mr. Damon's sentiments, until he agrees to start paying for my airfare I will be staying close to home.

"Tom Cruise role rewritten for Angelina Jolie..."

Also, the wardrobe had to be lengthened.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 12, 2008 9:13 AM | Report abuse

Can someone bring me some paper towels and Formula 409? The image combination of Lynn Spears' book cover and Simon Le Bon tugging his junk around made me vomit all over my desk.

Posted by: jelo | August 12, 2008 9:17 AM | Report abuse

"While I agree with Mr. Damon's sentiments, until he agrees to start paying for my airfare I will be staying close to home."

Well, yeah, there is that minor complication...

Posted by: 23112 | August 12, 2008 9:18 AM | Report abuse

While I think that it's nice that Matt Damon wants to shed light on the plight of the global community, he comes off as smug. I think that he's forgotten is working-class Boston roots. Does he have a plan to fund all of this travel? Will he off-set the carbon footprint? I would also like to know when he plans on showing up at my office to cover for me.

Let's start at home. Perhaps we can start teaching geography her in the U.S. In 2001 the U.S. ranked 8th of nine countries in geography literacy, barely squeaking by Mexico. I think that it would make more sense for people to know where they're going before we start encouraging them to stare at a bunch of patients like they're in a zoo.

I'm not trying to turn this into anything political, but his privileged @ss should probably think before he speaks.

Posted by: Mz Fitz gets a little worked up when she sees praise for W | August 12, 2008 9:24 AM | Report abuse

Sorry 'Mudge, but I have to disagree with you. While I generally think Jake is adorable, I'm not feeling those photos of shirtless Jake. He's reminding me of Colin Farrell, who always looks as if he's in need of a good hot bath.

Posted by: clw | August 12, 2008 9:28 AM | Report abuse

Tom Cruise role rewritten for Angelina Jolie...

You know it's pretty standard in any recipe to substitute home-wrecking-hording-hussy for fake-religion-adherant-nutter.

Posted by: sunnydaze can cook | August 12, 2008 9:29 AM | Report abuse

Seriously, with lines like these, we're going to have a lot of ruined keyboards.

Has anyone gotten around to designing the official Celebritology fluid-proof keyboard?

Posted by: Mz Fitz | August 12, 2008 9:30 AM | Report abuse

"After emerging from the frigid ocean, Simon checks to see if his bon-bons are in tact."

Posted by: clw removes herself from creative captioning contention | August 12, 2008 9:35 AM | Report abuse

already exists:

http://www.grandtec.com/products/video/vik.html#vik

Posted by: nerdy lurker | August 12, 2008 9:41 AM | Report abuse

I've got to take issue with your description of Matt Damon's roots. According to Wikipedia his father was a Tax preparer, stock broker, and realtor and his mother was a college professor.

Posted by: MGC | August 12, 2008 9:42 AM | Report abuse

I envision a new "Learn Geography/ Travel the World" campaign using Miss Teen South Carolina as the poster-girl. You know, one of those commercials with "this is your brain, this is your brain without geography [insert clip of "i personally believe..."].

And give out those sweet world map shower curtains...

Posted by: This public service announcement brought to you by Matt Damon and Mz Fitz... | August 12, 2008 9:43 AM | Report abuse

MGC, thanks. I guess he never knew what it was like to be working class. This makes his comment even more smug.

Posted by: Mz Fitz | August 12, 2008 9:44 AM | Report abuse

Wow, Mz Fitz, that's some serious bitter. Have a Tic-Tac or something.

Posted by: 23112 | August 12, 2008 9:48 AM | Report abuse

I envision a new "Learn Geography/ Travel the World" campaign using Miss Teen South Carolina as the poster-girl. You know, one of those commercials with "this is your brain, this is your brain without geography [insert clip of "i personally believe..."].

And give out those sweet world map shower curtains...

Posted by: This public service announcement brought to you by Matt Damon and Mz Fitz... | August 12, 2008 9:43 AM

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

In case some of us forgot:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

Posted by: jus' helping out mz fritz | August 12, 2008 9:49 AM | Report abuse

I have to say, I agree with Matt Damon Matt DAMON! (I am forever scarred in my opinion of him thanks to Team America - World Police)... on feeling like travel really has an impact on your perspective of what is important. I don't have bazillions and I manage to travel so I don't know that the criticism of him losing touch with his roots is fair. For me, it just has always been a priority so I find a way to save the $$ (PS Spam is delicious!) and go where my feet take me.

My only point of contention with what he said was that it wasn't Shrub's malaria campaign... It was 'ours' the non-profit organization I work for partnering with with local agencies in Africa and the WHO.

BTW you'd be surprised if I told you who I work for, it isn't common public knowledge that we are a lead partner.

Posted by: LTL | August 12, 2008 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Matt's comments aren't smug... you don't have to be well-off to join a mission or relief organization or the Peace Corps or the military for that matter. You can also use your financial aid to study abroad in college. Sure, a lot of Americans can't afford to travel the world, let alone travel like a celebrity, but I think what he says is true, travel makes a huge difference in your perspective of the world and your own country - there is no reason not to encourage people to do it if they can.

Posted by: mango | August 12, 2008 9:56 AM | Report abuse

Sorry about the bitter. I raked up a ton of debt educating myself to teach geography to find that the U.S. doesn't value that. Now, I get listen to people say things that make my blood boil. This includes, but is not limited to, "isn't Ghana the capital of Africa?" (The question asked my Mz Fitz's idiot co-worker in her previous job)

Keep up the good work LTL. My only concern is that many people are pastafarians and Spam eaters, but still have trouble payin' da bills. especially after working on a few worthless degrees.

Posted by: Mz Fitz | August 12, 2008 10:00 AM | Report abuse

re: youTube post.

Thanks for the help, but Mz Fitz is just cosponsor of the campaign... she didn't come up with the idea.

She needs another cup of coffee before she can take herself less seriously this morning and start finding some humor in things...

Posted by: Matt Damon | August 12, 2008 10:00 AM | Report abuse


Organizers of the Gwynnie/Hamptons soiree also admitted that it may have been a mistake to include donkey burgers and horse liver pate on the menu.

Posted by: Nick | August 12, 2008 10:00 AM | Report abuse

Where Do Scientologists Go When They Die?
http://www.slate.com/id/2197279?nav=wp

A billion years of service???

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 10:03 AM | Report abuse

"Tom Cruise role rewritten for Angelina Jolie": but she looks _nothing_ like von Stauffenberg!

Posted by: byoolin isn't even sure she's a Nazi. | August 12, 2008 10:03 AM | Report abuse

Hamptons partygoers: They're just like us! Gwynneth annoys us too!

Posted by: methinks | August 12, 2008 10:04 AM | Report abuse

Mz Fitz. I hear you on that, and I don't think you are bitter at all. A lot of folks are raw right now, particularly as the economy continues to slide. There are good people struggling to make ends meet.

I also get frustrated with the gaps in US education as compared to folks in other countries. It is that coupled with a sort of country-centric arrogance that we have, that travel to other countries helps eliminate. Even my sister once was snarking at an ATM - 'we are in america, why do they need instructions in other languages'. I told her maybe one day, when she is sitting at an atm in france, she'll realize how much she appreciates seeing engish directing her to the correct button for 'withdrawal'.

Don't get me wrong, I love this country and I think we rawk. But I believe that travel has both humbled me and helped me to see things that explain why a little boy in Peshawar might think that Pakistan is pretty d*mn awessome too.

Posted by: LTL | August 12, 2008 10:20 AM | Report abuse

Dammit Matthew Fox & Evangeline Lily, you bring the wrath of the Lost gods & you end up swimmin' with da fishes! And we can't have that. Not yet anyway.

I guess it'd be more appropriate to say, buried with the resident Poochies, Paolo & Nikki.

Posted by: Bored @ work | August 12, 2008 10:23 AM | Report abuse

"Tom Cruise role rewritten for Angelina Jolie..."

Article sez the movie title is "Edwin A. Salt." Guess they will be calling the movie "Edwina A. Salt."

Posted by: Sappho | August 12, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

Donna, here is a way to get at that booty your husband's hiding away.

Go ahead and take the pictures of him and your brother in the throes of passion, then blackmail your husband.

Either he reveals the details about the hidden booty, or you reveal his booty. On Youtube.

Seriously, though. Call the lawyer. No telling what else he's hiding.

Posted by: Boo Radley | August 11, 2008 10:41 PM

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 10:28 AM | Report abuse

I absolutely believe that travel is important understanding ourselves and other nations. I've been able to travel quite a bit with my new position (I was just informed that I'll be going to the UK very soon) Something that I would not have been able to do with my own funds.

I'm just snarking on the guy for making a broad generalization that everyone in the U.S. is capable of that. He's starting sound like the insouciant one or the almost fifty year-old. That statement was way out of touch. I am just pointing out that if the same awareness was given U.S. education as Mexican ponies, celebrities might be in a better position to make those statements.

Posted by: Mz Fitz | August 12, 2008 10:41 AM | Report abuse

Why the %&*$ do you losers keep posting sh*t from the OP blog. If I cared, I'd read it there. GO AWAY!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 10:44 AM | Report abuse

Are umbrella drinks allowed in the Tiki bar?

BTW, The S.N.A.R.K. is in the hands of Sas for Beta testing.

(Snark Neutralizing And Re-douching Keyboard)

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 12, 2008 10:51 AM | Report abuse

Why the %&*$ do you losers keep posting sh*t from the OP blog. If I cared, I'd read it there. GO AWAY!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 10:44 AM


You may want to take a rage-aholics class.

Posted by: carm down | August 12, 2008 10:55 AM | Report abuse

Agree wholeheartedly with points by Mz Fitz and LTL re geography, other lands and people. Did anyone else catch Sunday's enjoyable article "Why Are the Danes So Happy? It's the Simple Things" (for a snapshot of another culture, without the airfare and hotel room cost)?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/08/AR2008080801905.html

Posted by: Nosy Parker finds that the Olympics interfere with celebritologizing, but doesn't mind | August 12, 2008 10:55 AM | Report abuse

Why the heck would Lenny Kravitz take over in Veltvet Revolver? He has a fairly sucessful solo career already. I don't see him being a good fit for the band anyway.

What was the cover released to do, rampage across the shelves of your local book store chewing on every book with class?

Posted by: EricS | August 12, 2008 10:57 AM | Report abuse

Agree wholeheartedly with points by Mz Fitz and LTL re geography, other lands and people. Did anyone else catch Sunday's enjoyable article "Why Are the Danes So Happy? It's the Simple Things" (for a snapshot of another culture, without the airfare and hotel room cost)?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/08/AR2008080801905.html

Posted by: Nosy Parker finds that the Olympics interfere with celebritologizing, but doesn't mind | August 12, 2008 10:57 AM | Report abuse

Sorry for the double posting.

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 12, 2008 10:57 AM | Report abuse

Hey Matt Damon! I'm a big fan of yours, and I agree with your assessment; there's nothing like seeing the world for yourself. How about paying off my student loans and sponsoring me for an international trip? I'd love to see what Americans are doing in Malawi, but the only way I could afford the airfare is to be shipped over there as livestock.

Posted by: Bawlmer | August 12, 2008 11:01 AM | Report abuse

Thanks for that fab Slate link, Anonymous. I was wondering what would happen to Isaac in the eyes of Scientology. Now I know.

Posted by: Liz Kelly | August 12, 2008 11:08 AM | Report abuse

"Why the heck would Lenny Kravitz take over in Veltvet Revolver?"

Posted by: EricS | August 12, 2008 10:57 AM

--------------------------------------

Why the heck would he do commercials for Kohl's? Its a conundrum.

Posted by: Why do birds suddenly appear? | August 12, 2008 11:08 AM | Report abuse

Liz Kelly, noticed Gene's chat isn't listed today. What's up with that?

Posted by: Where's Gene's Chat | August 12, 2008 11:09 AM | Report abuse

BTW you'd be surprised if I told you who I work for, it isn't common public knowledge that we are a lead partner.

Posted by: LTL | August 12, 2008 9:50 AM

Oh, brother!

Posted by: Get over yourself | August 12, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

Based on that Slate article you just know wee Tom is chasing Katie around with the turkey baster. You just know he'd love the thetan previously known as Isaac Hayes for his next child.

Posted by: jes | August 12, 2008 11:18 AM | Report abuse

"Programming Note: Gene is a bit over-committed this month, so he's going to be taking an unscheduled chat hiatus until Sept. 2, the Tuesday following Labor Day. There is no conspiracy here, just a guy who needs a break. See you in September."

Posted by: I don't think he cleared this with us. | August 12, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

I agree with Matt Damon think American should travel more (not just to Cancun, London or Paris). I couldn’t do studying abroad when I was in college because I was partying at the time, and parents wouldn’t pay for me to party internationally, but my husband did travel. He went with human-rights group to Central American while he was in college and it gave him an appreciation for other cultures and U.S. culture.

Posted by: Lisa1 | August 12, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

Danes are also happy because they are so clean and tidy and blonde and good looking.
I'm married to a Dane and that makes me happy.

Posted by: methinks | August 12, 2008 11:22 AM | Report abuse

I've got the perfect fit for Lenny Kravitz & it's right on my "kitchen" list ifyaknowwhuttamean **winkwinknudgenudge**

Posted by: Bored @ work | August 12, 2008 11:24 AM | Report abuse

How would you like it if your husband had an affair with your brother?

Posted by: Nancy | August 11, 2008 4:48 PM

///////////////////////////

I'd take pictures and put them on the Internet!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

Shirtless Jake? YAY

Movie plot line? NAY

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 12, 2008 8:59 AM

Jake Gyllenhall - GEIGH

Posted by: Xenda | August 12, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

How come Scientology uses a cross in its logo? The cross is a recognized Christian symbol.

You don't suppose they're trying to trick people, do you?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 12, 2008 11:27 AM | Report abuse

Americans in general are disturbingly uninformed when it comes to understanding the other 95 percent of the world and even basic geography. Most people couldn't find Iraq on a map. I also suspect many people actually think Russia invaded the State of Georgia!

Posted by: downysoft | August 12, 2008 11:29 AM | Report abuse

According to the Salon article, Isaac Hayes became "clear" about 2002. Given how much the auditing to become "clear costs, I wonder if he also became "broke" about that time, too.

Two interesting links:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,401321,00.html
his last known interview, on Saturday about the death of Bernie Mac:
http://tinyurl.com/6okyul

Posted by: b | August 12, 2008 11:33 AM | Report abuse

Screw Gene. He's a pretentious bore. Where is today's OP blog?

Posted by: Anon for this | August 12, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

hey comrade downysoft, how do y'all know they didn't invade us down here??

Posted by: methinks | August 12, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

my apologies! the video of the last Hayes interview has been removed from the web.

Posted by: b | August 12, 2008 11:36 AM | Report abuse

Why would anyone want to invade Georgia, the land of Ted Turner?

Posted by: Dorkus | August 12, 2008 11:38 AM | Report abuse

HEY! He prints my comments regularly!

(but Liz is better!)

Posted by: I like Gene | August 12, 2008 11:38 AM | Report abuse

Being a pretentious bore is part of Gene's mystique.

We heart Gene.

Duck, Gene, here comes some undies.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 12, 2008 11:44 AM | Report abuse

Why would anyone want to invade Georgia, the land of Ted Turner? - Posted by: Dorkus | August 12, 2008 11:38 AM

****

What's the word for a question that answers itself?

Posted by: byoolin asks, rhetorically. | August 12, 2008 11:48 AM | Report abuse

Oh, sunnydaze, let it go already. Jen has moved on ... and on ... and on ...

Posted by: Good Grief | August 12, 2008 11:48 AM | Report abuse

If I knew Billy Joel was at the party, all dressed in black in an unlit yard, I'd barricade myself in the house too.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 12, 2008 12:04 PM | Report abuse

Being a pretentious bore is part of Gene's mystique.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 12, 2008 11:44 AM

There isn't any mystique. He's simply boring. And I can't stand the bragging about his daughter. Sheesh!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 12:05 PM | Report abuse

How much do you want to bet that once she finds out Madonna is flying folks in from Malawi for her birthday party Gwyneth Paltrow will barricade herself in Madonna's house too?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 12, 2008 12:07 PM | Report abuse

Why would anyone want to invade Georgia, the land of Ted Turner?

Posted by: Dorkus | August 12, 2008 11:38 AM

I wish that when they updated the comments last week, they added the ability to recommend. I realize that it's a different format of commenting, but we need it. The report abuse button would also come in handy in dealing with the OP/Celebritology trolls.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 12:11 PM | Report abuse

Why would anyone want to invade Georgia, the land of Ted Turner?

Posted by: Dorkus | August 12, 2008 11:38 AM

I wish that when they updated the comments last week, they added the ability to recommend. I realize that it's a different format of commenting, but we need it. The report abuse button would also come in handy in dealing with the OP/Celebritology trolls.

Posted by: Mz Fitz | August 12, 2008 12:12 PM | Report abuse

The mind is actually boggled at the idea of Angelina taking over a Tom Cruise role. In one way, it's "one whackadoodle is just like another one." In another way, it's "no actors are not interchangeable props, they are distinct individuals."

Matt Damon made a good point, he is just a little out of touch on the details.

How would you know someone is being standoffish in the Hamptons. Sadly, I agree with Anonymous about the cause. Not 20 miles from that party are people who are wondering why the Mexican dogs get the good stuff.

Finally, leave the darn OP stuff over in the OP blog. If we want to read it we will. We don't post Celebritology stuff there (right guys????), so don't post that stuff here. It's called common courtesy.

Posted by: ep | August 12, 2008 12:12 PM | Report abuse

Now I wish I hadn't clicked the Simon LeBon link as it has squashed my fond schoolgirl crush memories! As an analogy, just think of the Jonas Bros. reaching for their ta-tas over their bloated bellies in their too tight speedos 25 years from now!

Posted by: my genX crush crushed, thanks Liz :-( | August 12, 2008 12:16 PM | Report abuse

We don't post Celebritology stuff there (right guys????),

Uhhh, yea, we do!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 12:16 PM | Report abuse

Donald, tie a knot in it. Really.

Posted by: Californian | August 12, 2008 12:19 PM | Report abuse

We don't post Celebritology stuff there (right guys????),

Uhhh, yea, we do!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 12:16 PM
========================================

Why?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 12, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Tori Spelling is upset about her salary??? She should take the money she is offered. Her only talent is being Aaron Spelling's daughter. If it wasn't for that, she'd be another Paris Hilton. A no talent moron with money.

Posted by: Brutal | August 12, 2008 12:39 PM | Report abuse

Socialist, like the author, want everything and everybody to be the same under the guise of good for the environment, society, whatever.

If you truly are an environmentalist, care about your carbon footprint and the world you are leaving for others, you would self-immolate. Just make sure you are standing in a compost while lighting the fire!

(Actually, no fire, just stand in the compost and don't eat or drink for a while!)

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 12:42 PM | Report abuse

Tori Spelling is upset about her salary??? She should take the money she is offered. Her only talent is being Aaron Spelling's daughter. If it wasn't for that, she'd be another Paris Hilton. A no talent moron with money.

Posted by: Brutal | August 12, 2008 12:39 PM

Tori Spelling has the #1 show on Oxygen...

Posted by: Ignorant | August 12, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

And all these years I thought Paul Stanley was gay & those "wives" were beards.

Guess my gaydar was waaaay off on that one.

Posted by: Bored @ work | August 12, 2008 12:46 PM | Report abuse

Salma Hayek is available???

I wonder if Ms. Snatchquatch would issue me a "kitchen pass."

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 12:48 PM | Report abuse

Byoolin spanks a troll nicknamed Pot:

"Aren't you supposed to be on a blind date, meeting Kettle?"

Maybe it's time to compose a list of handy names for Trolls to use. Let's see...

Ma Kettle
Pa Kettle
Pol Pot
Pot Belly
Pot O' Gold


Hmmm, if there was money to be made in a troll delivery service.....

Nah!!

Posted by: Sasquatch takes insporatino from the Poet Laureate | August 12, 2008 12:52 PM | Report abuse

Gene might be recuperating from having his knees repaired. Recall that Gene wrote that he was going to have both knees scoped at the same time to "get it over with."

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 12:59 PM | Report abuse

Gene might be recuperating from having his knees repaired. Recall that Gene wrote that he was going to have both knees scoped at the same time to "get it over with."

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 12:59 PM

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Posted by: Don't give a rat's a$s | August 12, 2008 1:06 PM | Report abuse

"Don't give a rat's a$s"

You think somebody is gonna BUY your @ss?

HA-HA-HA-HA!

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 1:11 PM | Report abuse

Concerning Matt Damon and seeing the world more...I would love to! Is he going to pay for all of my airfare and accomodations wherever I go? Because if that is the case, sign me up...

Posted by: Ohyouknow | August 12, 2008 1:12 PM | Report abuse

Gene might be recuperating from having his knees repaired. Recall that Gene wrote that he was going to have both knees scoped at the same time to "get it over with."

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 12:59 PM

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Posted by: Don't give a rat's a$s | August 12, 2008 1:06 PM

Completely agree with 1:06. This isn't Gene's blog. Like we dont post or talk about OP stuff on this blog, keep the Gene talk/issues off this blog too.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 1:22 PM | Report abuse

"Tom Cruise role rewritten for Angelina Jolie": but she looks _nothing_ like von Stauffenberg!
--Byoolin

I dunno...check these out:

http://wallpapers.pixxp.com/36__Angelina_Jolie_-_Sky_Captain_And_The_World_of_Tomorrow.htm

and

http://www.firstshowing.net/2007/07/19/first-look-tom-cruise-in-bryan-singers-valkyrie/

Posted by: Arlington, VA | August 12, 2008 1:26 PM | Report abuse

"Like we dont post or talk about OP stuff on this blog, keep the Gene talk/issues off this blog too."

Then come up with something interesting to discuss, Pol.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 1:27 PM | Report abuse

Mein gott, Arlington! The resemblance ist uncanny!!!

Posted by: byoolin now can't stop thinking of Angelina as "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the Nazis." | August 12, 2008 1:36 PM | Report abuse

I missed the Trump thing earlier. Great quote from the big ol' hairball:

"I have a wonderful wife who is very capable."

Nice. Is she a wife or a fluffer?

Posted by: byoolin bets on the latter. | August 12, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

Completely agree with 1:06. This isn't Gene's blog. Like we dont post or talk about OP stuff on this blog, keep the Gene talk/issues off this blog too.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 1:22 PM
----------------------------------------
Liz Kelly produces Gene's chat, therefore the obvious crossover. So in short, I do give rat's a$$.

Posted by: The trolls can just go to hell and die | August 12, 2008 1:40 PM | Report abuse

If Jason Statham is looking for a place to party, my place is available.

Posted by: ripariandweller | August 12, 2008 1:45 PM | Report abuse

Liz, please stop spelling my first name wrong. You do this every time!

Posted by: lynne spears | August 12, 2008 1:51 PM | Report abuse

"And all these years I thought Paul Stanley was gay & those "wives" were beards.

Guess my gaydar was waaaay off on that one."

Bored, was your tongue wedged firmly in cheek?

Posted by: Californian | August 12, 2008 1:54 PM | Report abuse

If we shake the trolls really hard will their bright orange hair stand on end?

Posted by: jes | August 12, 2008 2:02 PM | Report abuse

If we shake the trolls really hard will their bright orange hair stand on end?

No, you need to twirl them back and forth really quickly.

Posted by: mouse | August 12, 2008 2:04 PM | Report abuse

Gene might be recuperating from having his knees repaired. Recall that Gene wrote that he was going to have both knees scoped at the same time to "get it over with."

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 12:59 PM

Unless he types with his feet, that's no excuse....

Posted by: where is his commitment to his craft? | August 12, 2008 2:04 PM | Report abuse

"Mein gott, Arlington! The resemblance ist uncanny!!!

Posted by: byoolin now can't stop thinking of Angelina as "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the Nazis." | August 12, 2008 1:36 PM"

AHAHAHA. I think byoo just made me swallow my tongue.

Posted by: Bawlmer | August 12, 2008 2:13 PM | Report abuse

Partisan politics and current economic conditions aside, I think Matt Damon’s point was just that Americans tend to be too insular. And he’s right. Most Americans are shockingly ill-informed of geography, foreign cultures, and current world issues. It would be nice to think the bozos Jay Leno dredges up for his Jaywalking segments are aberrations, but they’re probably not. And they make Mz Fitz’s Ghana-is-the-capital-of-Africa-coworker look like Rhodes scholars.

(BTW, what’s in the Kool-Aid today?)

Posted by: alex is abstaining from Kool-Aid | August 12, 2008 2:34 PM | Report abuse

Alex, I believe the Kool-Aid has been switched with Haterade.

Posted by: Bawlmer's sticking to tea. | August 12, 2008 2:36 PM | Report abuse

Boy, that headline writer missed an opportunity. Better to have said,

"Le Tum: Simon Le Bon adjusts Sardinia in his trunks on Sunday."

Posted by: td sees a union of the snake | August 12, 2008 2:42 PM | Report abuse

Oh, sunnydaze, let it go already. Jen has moved on ... and on ... and on ...

Posted by: Good Grief | August 12, 2008 11:48 AM

*********

Uh, take a deep breath there Good Grief. Try not to take things so seriously or you'll give yourself an ulcer.

For the record, I have a girl crush on Angelina (she's so pretty) and I couldn't care less what Ms. Aniston thinks about it all...

Posted by: sunnydaze says carm down | August 12, 2008 3:01 PM | Report abuse

This just in:

An actor who appeared in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" has been arrested for investigation of attempted murder after his former girlfriend was stabbed more than 20 times, leaving her critically injured, authorities said Tuesday.

Shelley Malil, 43, was arrested Monday in Oceanside when he got off a train from Los Angeles, Lt. Phil Brust of the San Diego County Sheriff's Department said in a statement. Malil had come to Oceanside to meet his attorney, who along with family and friends had persuaded him to turn himself in, police said.

On Sunday night, about 15 miles east in San Marcos, deputies answering reports of screams for help and breaking glass found a woman with multiple stab wounds and cuts on her face.

She was listed in critical condition Monday morning, but authorities did not know her condition early Tuesday.

"Malil and the victim had apparently been in a dating relationship which recently ended," the statement said.

Malil was arrested for investigation of attempted murder, mayhem and burglary, the statement said.

A deputy on duty early Tuesday did not know the name of Malil's lawyer and attempts to identify a lawyer and reach him for comment were unsuccessful.

Malil played one of star Steve Carell's co-workers in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," and has appeared in dozens of TV shows including "NYPD Blue" and "Scrubs."


Posted by: sunnydaze with breaking news | August 12, 2008 3:05 PM | Report abuse

BREAKING SUBSTITUTION NEWS:

The CW just announced that Tori Spelling's role is being re-written for Tom Cruise. Instead of "the owner of one of the coolest stores in Beverly Hills, a shopping hot spot that is frequented" by the new characters, Tom will play a bottle flipping, bartending owner of a Beverly Hills nightclub that caters to almost clear Scientologists.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 12, 2008 3:07 PM | Report abuse

Aw geez, Sunnydaze, you harshed my snark! And your chocolate is in my peanut butter too.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky, victim of bad timing | August 12, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

Aw geez, Sunnydaze, you harshed my snark! And your chocolate is in my peanut butter too.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky, victim of bad timing | August 12, 2008 3:10 PM

I don't know, MoCo, I think it was a nice contrast to the horror that is Sunnydaze's news break. Sweet Jebus.

Posted by: Sully | August 12, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

"The CW just announced that Tori Spelling's role is being re-written for Tom Cruise." --MoCoSnarky

Aw, MAN that's hilarious. You go, MoCo!

Matt Damon is correct that we're too Americentric, and that traveling would open lots of people's eyes to the fact that the United States isn't the epicenter of the universe. It's not "all about me."

But since -- as others already have pointed out -- many U.S. citizens/residents can't afford to travel, let's replace people's FOX News, NBC Nightly News and CNN with BBC World News, Al Jazeera, and CNN International.

Will Americans notice the difference in how the rest of the world views our country? Yes, I think they will.

Posted by: td seeks any excuse to avoid larry king | August 12, 2008 3:24 PM | Report abuse

You just know the google searches for "Shelley Malil" just hit an all time high...

Posted by: methinks | August 12, 2008 3:25 PM | Report abuse

td, Larry King is a joke, as well. It's hard to take seriously an interviewer who prides himself on his lack of preparation. Besides, he looks like the Cryptkeeper.

(And Americans are just Americentric. A lot of them don't even keep track of American current events. I'll bet a shocking percentage couldn't name both Obama and McCain, for example.)

Posted by: alex | August 12, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

Jakey, honey, didn't we talk about this? A mainstream career might have lots of money, but it's bad. It makes you be in awful movies where you have to take steroids and have really bad hair. If you need the money, we can understand that, but for the love of your fanbase, wear a shirt. Veins are not attractive.

Posted by: MB | August 12, 2008 3:43 PM | Report abuse

"Americentric" reminds me of a colleague who showed me an essay she received with the word "Ameritocracy."

Posted by: mouse | August 12, 2008 3:43 PM | Report abuse

Hey, Alex, you're preaching to the choir here. I completely agree.

I usually don't even like saying "America"/"Americans" in this context because, the last time I checked, Canada and Mexico and a whole bunch of countries to our south are also "American."

But "U.S.-centric" is too hard to say out loud, so I copped out.

Posted by: td is hoping not to incite byoolin's colourful wrath with the canada mention | August 12, 2008 3:46 PM | Report abuse

I'll bet a shocking percentage couldn't name both Obama and McCain, for example.)

Posted by: alex | August 12, 2008 3:39 PM
===========================================

Just standin' up fer my fellow 'mericns, Alex.

I'll betcha that most of us could agree that there are at least two guys running for president - or just got done doin' that.

Posted by: Curmudgeon Stands Up for America | August 12, 2008 3:48 PM | Report abuse

(I meant to say "a whole bunch MORE countries to our south.")

Posted by: td can find mexico on a map | August 12, 2008 3:48 PM | Report abuse

If you need the money, we can understand that, but for the love of your fanbase, wear a shirt. Veins are not attractive.

Posted by: MB | August 12, 2008 3:43 PM

You forgot the exception - M. Phelps and the rest of the swim team.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 3:57 PM | Report abuse

td, don't worry: there is no danger whatsoever of the term "Americans" being changed to mean people from other parts of North or South America. In fact, in many areas, the word is used as a mild (yet good-natured) pejorative. (You know, like Southerners use the N-word, or how Republicans use the L-word.)

The splitters who do insist on such constructions as "US-ians" or "United Statesians" are generally looked upon with amusement or pity, then captured in a burlap sack, which is weighted with rocks and thrown into a hole cut into the ice on Lake Nipissing during North Bay, Ontario's annual winter fur carnival.

Posted by: byoolin is authorized to speak for Canadia. | August 12, 2008 3:58 PM | Report abuse

TD your 'union of the snake' moniker had me laugh out loud, thanks for that...

and thanks to the repeated posts with Matt Damon (Matt DAMON) references I can't stop thinking about Team America...

'go in there and ACT like a terrorist'

Dirka dirka jihad jihad...

Posted by: LTL | August 12, 2008 4:02 PM | Report abuse

Oh man, Jason, what the heck are you doing hanging out at the playboy mansion anyway?

From IMDB: We had a chance to catchup with Robert Downey Jr who gave us the latest on the new Sherlock Holmes remake but the more interesting item that came up was Jason Statham telling us he would be interested in working on the project as well. He joked about getting a shot at playing Dr.Watson. Could you imagine ? That would definitely be an interesting role for Jason who mentioned it during our interview with him for Death Race.

Posted by: hermespal | August 12, 2008 4:02 PM | Report abuse

Byoo - seeing as you are authorized to speak for Canadia - I feel compelled to share that I always used to tell folks that I was Canadian because I was from Canadia. (pronounced caNAYdeeYA)... they all used to nod very thoughtfully -- was never once questioned...

Posted by: LTL | August 12, 2008 4:05 PM | Report abuse

What L-word do Republicans use?

Lawyer?
Loophole?
Lemmings?
Largess?

Posted by: Dorkus | August 12, 2008 4:05 PM | Report abuse

boy, not really just lurking today am I?

I love me some Jason Stratham... him and The Rock. I know tis a strange combination... my kitchen pass includes them plus johnny depp and oliver martinez and viggo mortenson.. what can I say? I have varied tastes.

Posted by: LTL | August 12, 2008 4:08 PM | Report abuse

And Fabio Cannavaro -- which goes without saying I know...

Posted by: LTL | August 12, 2008 4:09 PM | Report abuse

My favorite cartoon? Sasquatch and byoolin do Dollywood!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 3:57 PM

why are you posting on the OP blog. leave us alone you dimwits.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 4:10 PM | Report abuse

LTL, I heartily approve and second your kitchen pass list. Excellent choices all.

Posted by: hermespal | August 12, 2008 4:10 PM | Report abuse

boy, not really just lurking today am I?

I love me some Jason Stratham... him and The Rock. I know tis a strange combination... my kitchen pass includes them plus johnny depp and oliver martinez and viggo mortenson.. what can I say? I have varied tastes.

Posted by: LTL | August 12, 2008 4:08 PM

But the Rock is known to be a big-closeted geigh in Hollywood.

Posted by: sorry LTL | August 12, 2008 4:11 PM | Report abuse

Change of subject, but fits in with international celebritology. . .

Like Bawlmer, I'm enjoying an afternoon cuppa. Of course, I had to read all of those other Daily Mail links (I know Liz does that on purpose) and saw the one about the boo-hooing Sienna Miller. Turns out she wants Rosetta Getty to issue a statement saying her marriage to Balthazar Getty was over before Sienna "took up" with him. Guess she's getting a little sensitive over her homewrecker/skanque image.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1043758/Sienna-breaks-tears-quizzed-relationship-Balthazar.html

Posted by: alex assumes she'll now be branded a prissy, tea-swilling anglophile | August 12, 2008 4:11 PM | Report abuse

ATO: Dorkus | August 12, 2008 4:05 PM


mmmmm-m-m-splaa-a-a-a-hahahahahaha-a-a-a-t

my screen thanks you for those lunch crumbs

Loser?
Lifer?
Looney?
Lummox?
Libido?

Posted by: Curmudgeon needs a paper towel | August 12, 2008 4:12 PM | Report abuse

My favorite cartoon? Sasquatch and byoolin do Dollywood!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 3:57 PM

Posted by: found on OP! | August 12, 2008 4:18 PM | Report abuse

"(pronounced caNAYdeeYA)... they all used to nod very thoughtfully -- was never once questioned...

Posted by: LTL | August 12, 2008 4:05 PM"

You know LTL, if I had been on the receiving end of that, I would probably nod and laugh a little and pretend I understood, so as not to hurt your feelings---because I would have thought you were either a whack job, or making some sort of dumb joke that fell flat.

Posted by: downhere | August 12, 2008 4:19 PM | Report abuse

or how Republicans use the L-word.)
*******
No everyone, I am pretty sure he means "Leader."


Sorry MoCo!
But, mmmmmm...chocolate and peanut butter...(droolie noises...) I'll share if you will.

Posted by: sunnydaze | August 12, 2008 4:20 PM | Report abuse

I won't believe it about the Rock

Posted by: LTL says 'not til I've offered and he turns me down' | August 12, 2008 4:24 PM | Report abuse

Hooray for Dollywood!
That busty, not fusty Dollywood!
Where any Sasquatch can
Or byoolin, man
can be a smartie
There's an island of lizards
And our own Liz Kelly
Why she's just swell, she
Sets 'em up, those BKD parties...

Posted by: byoolin pictures Michigan J. Frog singing the title song. | August 12, 2008 4:25 PM | Report abuse

Breaking [Chinese] Replacement News!

Chinese officials just announced that the cute Chinese girl who lip synched to the voice of the ugly Chinese girl who sang during the opening ceremonies will be replaced by Angelina Jolie.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 12, 2008 4:28 PM | Report abuse

Okay 'Mudge, that was good. You caught me off guard on that one.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 12, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

My favorite cartoon? Sasquatch and byoolin do Dollywood!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 3:57 PM

why are you posting on the OP blog. leave us alone you dimwits.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 4:10 PM

Hilarious. Of all the random things to post over there...

And Byoo, I'm a little offended by the "Southerners use the N-word" comment, although I get what you're saying and see the potential humor.

Posted by: Sully says that smarts. | August 12, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

MoCo - you are in rare form today.

I'll have what MoCo's having, barkeep.

Posted by: Curmudgeon bellies up to the Tiki Bar | August 12, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

Hey, for the next Creative Caption contest:

Byoolin and Sasquatch walk into Dollywood . . .

Posted by: Mudge | August 12, 2008 4:33 PM | Report abuse

I'm sharing a cuppa with Bawlmer.

Unfortunately, it's seasoned with Sienna Miller's tears. That's the last time I'll be sharing a cuppa with Bawlmer.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 12, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

byoolin, thanks for clearing that up. I humbly thank you and Canada.

LTL, glad you liked the Duran Duran reference. It was a tossup between union of the snake or a reference to wild boys! wild boys!

MoCo, the Chinese girl! You are killing me!

And is this the part of our day when someone says, "Well, why do you think they call him 'The Rock,' heh heh?" (Ah, no, probably not. Never mind.)

Posted by: td | August 12, 2008 4:39 PM | Report abuse

Agreed, Sully....I love byoolin, but I am a born and bred Southerner and have never/would never use such an offensive term, even in a "mild (yet good-natured)" way. It is not mild, it is not good-natured, and we're not all like that.

Posted by: Southerner | August 12, 2008 4:39 PM | Report abuse

Word. Much love to Byoolin, though.

Posted by: Sully | August 12, 2008 4:52 PM | Report abuse

Did he perhaps name himself after Rock Hudson?

Posted by: alex | August 12, 2008 4:58 PM | Report abuse

Given the zeitgeist here, I think that this news story is appropriate. As one of my friends has noted, the only way it could have been better would have been if the installation had been in the Netherlands, and it had hit a windmill.

Flying piece of art causes museum chaos in Switzerland
AFP Aug 11, 2008

GENEVA - A giant inflatable dog turd by American artist Paul McCarthy blew away from an exhibition in the garden of a Swiss museum, bringing down a power line and breaking a greenhouse window before it landed again, the museum said Monday.

The art work, titled "Complex S(expletive..)", is the size of a house. The wind carried it 200 metres (yards) from the Paul Klee Centre in Berne before it fell back to Earth in the grounds of a children's home, said museum director Juri Steiner.

The inflatable turd broke the window at the children's home when it blew away on the night of July 31, Steiner said. The art work has a safety system which normally makes it deflate when there is a storm, but this did not work when it blew away.

Steiner said McCarthy had not yet been contacted and the museum was not sure if the piece would be put back on display.

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 4:58 PM | Report abuse

What a fantastic story.

$#it happens.

Posted by: Sully | August 12, 2008 5:03 PM | Report abuse

"Byoolin and Sasquatch walk into Dollywood . . ." --Mudge

[ENTER Dolly Parton, singing:]

DOLLY: Here you come again
Just when I was about to joke 'bout butts and Lindsay Lohan
You two walk through the door
Hirsute Man, Bobby Orr
And help yourselves to my 'musement playland

Posted by: td | August 12, 2008 5:04 PM | Report abuse

I hope no one tries to put the inflatable dog crap anywhere near the inflatable beach churches - that could get ugly.

Posted by: Groovis | August 12, 2008 5:05 PM | Report abuse

I'm not aware that the use of the n-word had any specific geographic boundaries. Besides, Americans have moved on from bigotry over the color of someone's skin to bigotry over their interpretation of the content of someone's character.

Rev. King would be so proud.

Don't fault Canadians for not noticing this subtlety.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 12, 2008 5:05 PM | Report abuse

I find the Canadians to be a very nice people, except for the French Canadians (they kind of smell).

Posted by: Dorkus | August 12, 2008 5:07 PM | Report abuse

In fact, in many areas, the word is used as a mild (yet good-natured) pejorative. (You know, like Southerners use the N-word,...

Sorry byoolin, I tend to think a Southerner using the N-word is anything but mild or good natured. I'd also like to think that most have stopped using it (or never used it as is the case with 4:33)

Ok stepping down now, back to the blog love.

Posted by: jes | August 12, 2008 5:08 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus - you're right! For some reason they smell like cheese curds.....

Posted by: Groovis still doesn't get the attraction of poutine | August 12, 2008 5:09 PM | Report abuse

All you gotta do
Is smile those smiles
And break all my fragile glassware
Just leave it up to you
And in a little while
You're messing up my wigs
Then everywhere flies fake hair

Posted by: td knows this isn't his best effort yet cannot stop himself | August 12, 2008 5:10 PM | Report abuse

Hmmm. Inflatable dog poop . . . (cue the sound of reverie) . . . "Wouldn't that make an interesting pool float", she mused mischieviously.

Posted by: Curmudgeon is afraid the heat might cause it to explode | August 12, 2008 5:11 PM | Report abuse

rock on, TD.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 12, 2008 5:12 PM | Report abuse

I've never heard any such rumor about the Rock. He was recently divorced after an 11 year marriage and has a daughter age 7.

Posted by: hermespal | August 12, 2008 5:14 PM | Report abuse

I must've been staring at the computer for too long today because when I read Sas's dog poop story I first read it as "giant dog poop...and Paul McCartney."

My first thought was 'Now what's Heather Mills doing?'

I'm going to go find some Clear Eyes and a drink.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 12, 2008 5:15 PM | Report abuse

Celebrity the New 'L' Word:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/8/1/32639/89099/881/560497

(So the L-word is no longer the L-word)

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 5:15 PM | Report abuse

We need to get that inflatable dog poo and put it in the yard of the state policeman who had his neighbor arrested for allowing her dogs to walk on his grass.

Posted by: jes | August 12, 2008 5:16 PM | Report abuse

Here you come again
Looking better than two buddies have a right to
You've shaken me up, whoa
My chest is heaving so
That here you come again
And here I goooooooooo-oh!

Posted by: td has it out of his system now thank you for your indulgence | August 12, 2008 5:18 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus writes:
"I must've been staring at the computer for too long today because when I read Sas's dog poop story I first read it as "giant dog poop...and Paul McCartney."

My first thought was 'Now what's Heather Mills doing?'"


Dorkus, if Paul McCartney had created the inflatable dog doodie, he would have put it on a giant stick and called it "Heather."

Posted by: Peg Leg Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 5:20 PM | Report abuse

or -

"Byoolin and Sasquatch walk into Dollywood and the first thing they see is a vendor selling inflatable dog poop.

"'Say, that inflatable dog poop looks almost real,' exclaims Byoolin. 'I think I'll take two piles, please, one for the Lovely Mrs. Byoolin and one for my friend Curmudgeon.'

"'Nah, don't spend your money on that crap!", chides Sasquatch moving further into the park."

(rim shot)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 12, 2008 5:20 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, if Paul McCartney had created the inflatable dog doodie, he would have put it on a giant stick and called it "Heather."

Posted by: Peg Leg Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 5:20 PM

* * * * * *
And music critics around the world would have called it "genius, his best yet."

Posted by: dave marsh | August 12, 2008 5:21 PM | Report abuse

If Byoolin and I do Dollywood, is there enough resident boob there to please a pair big boobs like us?

And would there be enough to generate adequate lyrics for td?

Posted by: Sasquatch explores the lexicography of the word "boob" | August 12, 2008 5:22 PM | Report abuse

If Byoolin and I do Dollywood, is there enough resident boob there to please a pair big boobs like us?

And would there be enough to generate adequate lyrics for td?

Posted by: Sasquatch explores the lexicography of the word "boob" | August 12, 2008 5:22 PM

=========================================

in a word?

Yes.

Posted by: mudge | August 12, 2008 5:23 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, if Paul McCartney had created the inflatable dog doodie, he would have put it on a giant stick and called it "Heather."
Posted by: Peg Leg Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 5:20 PM

***************
and when it flew away he would have written a song called "Turd on the Run."

Posted by: Groovis | August 12, 2008 5:26 PM | Report abuse

DAVE MARSH RULES!!!!
ROLLING STONE RULEZ!!!

Now where are the &$^%ing paper towels?

Posted by: Sasquatch wipes off the keyboard | August 12, 2008 5:27 PM | Report abuse

A guy named Tim Hall wrote a parody of the Beatles song Blackbird - it's perfect for the inflatable crap story:

(to the tune of "Blackbird")
Big Turds sitting in the flower bed
and they smell like something has been dead
In the yard
They have been decaying from the time that they were hard.

Posted by: Groovis is humming | August 12, 2008 5:30 PM | Report abuse

Jes, dog poop is not a subject to tread on lightly. Dog poop has come between neighbors, and has even involved Jesus.

Look here:

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/02/06/viral-vid-of-the-day-jesus-is-missing-is-weiner-poop-to-blame/

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 5:32 PM | Report abuse

And tomorrow, more breaking news out of Geneva, this news involving a sausage that looks like a standard sized dog turd.

Posted by: Sasquatch Eyewitless News | August 12, 2008 5:34 PM | Report abuse

td, what music can we send you to get that tune out of your head?

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 5:36 PM | Report abuse

"Byoolin and Sasquatch walk into Dollywood."
"The patrons flee the fetid reek of unwashed cryptid and month-old poutine. Security is at a loss at how to deal with the stench of Byoolin's puns and Sasqutch's gutter entendres. Suddenly, Dolly herself comes to the rescue. She whips out one of her 48 ZZ brassieres and deftly pours Byoolin into one massive cup, and Sasquatch into the other. A tourist from Geneva approaches Dolly and exclaims, "Das is wunderbar, Frau Parton! How did you think of zees?' Dolly replies, 'You Swiss have the Matterhorn, but I got Twin Peaks!'"

[rim shot]

Posted by: Sasquatch tries to extend Mudge's story | August 12, 2008 5:45 PM | Report abuse

"I Think I'm Going Out Of My Head" by Little Anthony & the Imperials, also by Frankie Valli & the 4 Seasons?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 5:45 PM | Report abuse

Well, that dog poop story out of Geneva proves one thing: here in the USA we do have artsy-fartsy people. We're not as backward as the Euroopeeans think we are.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 12, 2008 5:45 PM | Report abuse

Then Dolly puts her bra on the catapult and flings the two cupfuls outta the park.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 12, 2008 5:46 PM | Report abuse

Dat's right, Mudge! USA is HOT -HIT!

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 12, 2008 5:47 PM | Report abuse

Sas -

We dat!

(and probably a whole lot more that we don't want to get in to here. And watch out for that catapult.)

Posted by: Mudge | August 12, 2008 5:50 PM | Report abuse

"A Chinese government official acknowledged Tuesday that the girl was actually lip-syncing at Beijing's "Bird's Nest" Stadium; the real singer's face was deemed "not suitable.""

Let me guess. The name of the lip-synch girl is Mirri Vanirri.

Posted by: And in other news | August 12, 2008 5:56 PM | Report abuse

If Beijing's Olympic swimming venue is converted to a skating rink in winter, will it be called The Ice Cube?

Posted by: Nosy Parker is ashamed to admit she thought of this all by herself | August 12, 2008 6:00 PM | Report abuse

Wasn't it revealed following his death that Luciano Pavarotti had lip-synched "Nessun dorma" during the 2006 Turin Winter Olympics (his last public appearance)?

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 12, 2008 6:02 PM | Report abuse

And if the Beijing Olympic Stadium was filled with hot water, would it be Bird's Nest Soup?

Posted by: Sasquatch goes with the Nosy | August 12, 2008 6:03 PM | Report abuse

Sasquatch, I do believe you're on a (Spring) Roll!

Posted by: Nosy Parker needs to go fix dinner, stat | August 12, 2008 6:06 PM | Report abuse

Good thing Luciano's not around, else he'd eat that spring roll right out from under us.

Posted by: Sasquatch aks "Are you gonna eat that spring roll?" | August 12, 2008 6:08 PM | Report abuse

Say goodnight, Sasquatch!

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 12, 2008 6:10 PM | Report abuse

Wasn't it revealed following his death that Luciano Pavarotti had lip-synched "Nessun dorma" during the 2006 Turin Winter Olympics (his last public appearance)?

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 12, 2008 6:02 PM

======
Yes, but that's because he had terminal cancer, remember? And he wasn't replaced by a cute Chinese girl.

Or Angelina Jolie.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 12, 2008 6:12 PM | Report abuse

"Goodnight, Mirri Vanirri."

"Goodnight, Luciano."

"Goodnight, Sasquatch."

Posted by: Sasquatch turns out the light | August 12, 2008 6:17 PM | Report abuse

Ooh, you're right Sas. Never again will I joke about dog poo. But I'm not making any such promises about Jesus ok?

Posted by: jes | August 12, 2008 6:42 PM | Report abuse

Correct, MoCoSnarky. Of course, Pavarotti had a history of lip-synching going back quite a few years (long before his cancer diagnosis).

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 12, 2008 8:09 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
RSS Feed
Subscribe to The Post

© 2011 The Washington Post Company