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Posted at 6:52 AM ET, 08/28/2008

Morning Mix: Michael Phelps to Host 'SNL' Season Opener

By Liz Kelly
Thursday

Headlines: Michael Phelps booked to host "Saturday Night Live" season opener... Chico's unveils "Debbie Phelps Collection"... Brad Pitt picks up Best Actor award at Venice Film Festival... Dad Michael is "out of control," says Lindsay Lohan... Dana Delaney says she turned down the role of Carrie in "Sex and the City"... Kate Moss immortalized with gold statue... Tim Gunn, who knows about these things, also hates Katie Holmes's baggy jeans... Solange Knowles hits the big time Wal-Mart parking lot, lashes out at TV interviewer for asking about Beyonce... And now, just because, Julia Roberts bikini shots.

Crime Watch: Suge Knight arrested for allegedly brandishing knife at girlfriend, drug possession... Mackenzie Phillips ("One Day at a Time") arrested with cocaine, heroin... O.J. Simpson allegedly attacked by eldest daughter... Hilary Duff's dad to spend 10 days in jail for contempt of court.

Rumor Mill: Boyfriend buys $18 million Brazilian apartment for Naomi Campbell.

Chat Day: Join me at 2 p.m. ET for this week's edition of Celebritology Live. You bring the questions, I'll bring the cookies.

By Liz Kelly  | August 28, 2008; 6:52 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Double Take: Chevy or Cheney?

Comments

Enough with the Phelpses already. Michael, back in the pool! Debbie, back to school! And for what it's worth, I didn't think Debbie's Olympics wardrobe was all that.

Posted by: Nosy Parker is first! | August 28, 2008 7:39 AM | Report abuse

Prediction: Michael Phelps will make everyone look back fondly on Wayne Gretzky's appearance on SNL.

Don't tell Chico, but even MY mom doesn't dress as poorly as Mrs. Phelps.

Lindsay's just jelus that her while her dad is sleeping with a 24-year-old woman, she's not...

Dana Delaney says she turned down the role of Carrie in "Sex and the City"... and therefore will not accept an Emmy or Oscar nomination for the role.

So Tim Gunn hates Katie Holmes's baggy jeans. What about David Gunn, the president of Amtrak, former GM of the TTC and WMATA? What does *he* think?

It has to be said about those Julia Roberts bikini shots: [yawn].

Will O.J.'s eldest daughter now scour the country looking for the real attacker?

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2008 8:08 AM | Report abuse

GET OFF MY LAWN, Michael!

Posted by: Grumpy Old Man | August 28, 2008 8:12 AM | Report abuse

Rumor Mill: Boyfriend buys $18 million Brazilian apartment for Naomi Campbell.

When I glaced at this one, I read byoolin buys $18 million...

and byoolin, you are wrong about Julia. Any women who looks THAT HOT after 3 children!!! WOW!

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 28, 2008 8:15 AM | Report abuse

and byoolin, you are wrong about Julia. Any women who looks THAT HOT after 3 children!!! WOW!

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 28, 2008 8:15 AM

****

EH, I'll give you that she looks great. She's pretty and she's in great shape - you'd never know by looking at the pictures that she's 40 and has 3 kids.

It's just that bikinis are all about boobs and hips, and she doesn't have 'em. So my yawn was basically directed at that.

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2008 8:27 AM | Report abuse

I mean, Helen Mirren: that's rockin' the bikini.

Posted by: See? byoolin likes girls, and bikinis. | August 28, 2008 8:29 AM | Report abuse

I am sick of Debbie Phelps.

Posted by: Agree | August 28, 2008 8:33 AM | Report abuse

Okay, so Naomi Campbell is getting the world's most expensive Brazilian. Yawn. Why is she a "celebrity" again? Oh, right: she's tall, skinny, photographs well and throws cellphones at the hired help.

Julia Roberts in a bikini: she'd look even better if the bikini top actually fit properly.

Dana Delaney's diss of SATC probably saved the show before it even began.

Chico's does seem like it's going a bit downscale with a Debbie Phelps clothing line. Unless they're looking to go head-to-head with Wal-Mart's women's wear collection...

Poor eldest daughter of OJ Simpson: winter's coming and she can never find gloves that fit.

Posted by: BxNY | August 28, 2008 8:33 AM | Report abuse

Is that plaster of Kate Moss in a yoga position really necessary? And what's up with the preview of the gold statue?

"To give you the essence of my masterpiece, I give you...a shot up her nose."

Posted by: Sully needs to look at something pretty now...Michael Phelps it is. | August 28, 2008 8:40 AM | Report abuse

*It looks like Solange borrowed Sasquatch's bedroom slippers. And *who* is your stylist, dear?

*RE: Julia Roberts...byoolin is correct. Bikinis are all about the curves and unless you've got them, it's kind of a waste of triangular shaped pieces of cloth. That said, Julia looks good for a woman who's had three children.

*Dana Delany...ugh. I can't stand her.

Posted by: methinks | August 28, 2008 8:47 AM | Report abuse

Sasquatch- please check in.

I'm concerned about Solange Knowles' footwear and your well-being.

Posted by: Sully says keep an eye on your feet. | August 28, 2008 8:47 AM | Report abuse

Dagnabbit, methinks.

Posted by: Sully | August 28, 2008 8:48 AM | Report abuse

It's just that bikinis are all about boobs and hips, and she doesn't have 'em. So my yawn was basically directed at that.

Fair enough comments. I like a Happy Meal better than a Champaign glass myself. But, even though I am an inventor, embiggened does nothing for me when it comes to Bikinis!

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 28, 2008 8:48 AM | Report abuse

Two words: Nancy. Kerrigan. Great skater and Olympian, but no actress. Her SNL hosting gig was horrific; could barely put two words together (not, ahem, unlike Michael's post-swim interviews). Whatever. I've already dissed Michael enough here. New topic.

Let's talk about Hilary Duff instead. That article makes no sense. The contempt-of-court was about selling stocks, and all of a sudden we're talking about big-ticket birthday parties. What am I missing?

Oh, and one more thing -- Haylie and Hilary Duff should spend 10 days in jail for contempt of The Go-Gos. Much as I like Hilary, she and her sister shouldn't tamper with Go-Gos songs. Seal those lips, ladies.

While "One Day at a Time" ended more than 20 years ago, clearly Mackenzie Phillips is still singing that theme song. I'll bet as she was arrested she was singing, "This is it. This is it. This is life, the one you get. So go and have a ball." Or some coke, maybe.

Posted by: td will muddle through | August 28, 2008 8:49 AM | Report abuse

"To give you the essence of my masterpiece, I give you...a shot up her nose."


But Sully, that is just so the Bird of Paradise can fly up her nose!

(get that song out of your head today, ha! ha!)

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 28, 2008 8:50 AM | Report abuse

I am a general fan of one Julia Roberts, but it looks like she got that bikini from the Juniors section at a department store.

Posted by: Sully sums up her thoughts for the morning | August 28, 2008 8:50 AM | Report abuse

a Champaign glass??? Who do you think you are? Illinois Fun Facts?

Posted by: Spelling Police | August 28, 2008 8:51 AM | Report abuse

Tim Gunn also reportedly said, "Cindy McCain looks like someone has twisted her ponytail into a knot and tried to give her a face-lift."

How can you not like this man?

(Confidential to fellow "Project Runway" watchers: Last night's aufing? Way overdue. And stop crying already. Sheesh.)

Posted by: td says make it work | August 28, 2008 8:53 AM | Report abuse

"In a rage, Arnelle shoved O.J. violently into a glass cupboard in the kitchen."

Arnelle? Are we sure it wasn't Kelly Osbourne?

Posted by: td awaits mother hubbard's viewpoint | August 28, 2008 8:55 AM | Report abuse

(pssst, td, agreed on the aufing. That boy was getting downright ornery. But when will we get a challenge that's relevant to fashion? I'm tired of the novelty materials and designs for drag queens.)

Posted by: Sully | August 28, 2008 8:57 AM | Report abuse

hey, whats up with all the negativity towards phelps? he won 8 GOLD MEDALS for goodness sakes. were you guys not enthralled with the races? its sad to see people turning on someone just because they are successful and popular.

Posted by: "luvmichael" | August 28, 2008 8:58 AM | Report abuse

Sasquatch- please check in.


Posted by: Sully says keep an eye on your feet. | August 28, 2008 8:47 AM

awwwwwww. thats sweet. you're checking in after being whack-a-mole'd.


Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 9:00 AM | Report abuse

"Lindsay's just jelus that her while her dad is sleeping with a 24-year-old woman, she's not..." -- Bravo, byoolin! Bravo.

Posted by: td | August 28, 2008 9:01 AM | Report abuse

Wow, Tim Gunn's really making the rounds. MSNBC's Scoop has bit about an interview he did with OK! magazine critiquing Miley Cyrus' look. He says she looks "tarty".

Posted by: stuck@work | August 28, 2008 9:05 AM | Report abuse

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/galleries/meet_cast_of_survivor__gabon/meet_cast_of_survivor__gabon.html

some nice "talent" in the new survivor!!!

Posted by: new pix for byoolin and others... | August 28, 2008 9:05 AM | Report abuse

As much as I love me some Michael Phelps, I just don't see him being a great host - then again, I thought the same thing about Peyton Manning, and well, he was just fantastic.

Posted by: Stuck@Work | August 28, 2008 9:09 AM | Report abuse

Anyone else a bit skeeved out last night by the lip-lock Obama planted on Jill Biden? Nowhere near as bad as what Al Gore did to Tipper in primetime, but still...

Posted by: pouty | August 28, 2008 9:10 AM | Report abuse

I am not "turning on someone just because they are successful and popular." I am happy for Michael Phelps and all his accomplishments. Honest!

But SNL? Is this a prelude to more Phelpsmania, such as:
* A retooled, Regis-less "Michael and Kelly" morning show?
* "Cooking with Rachael Ray and Michael Phelps?"
* "Batman: Butterfly, featuring Michael Phelps as Aquaman"?
* A fifth judge for "American Idol" who will judge the contestants' fitness for the world stage?

I'm reminded of an episode from the early-1980s late-night comedy show "Fridays" when they parodied "Good Morning America" (Joan Lunden was played by a mannequin). The "special guest" was actor Howard E. Rollins, and they made him read the news and do something in every single part of the show, despite his repeated attempts to escape the studio.

THAT is why I'm all Phelps-ed out.

Posted by: td obvs lied when he said he was done talking about michael | August 28, 2008 9:10 AM | Report abuse

I love me some Michael Phelps, but SNL? Ugh, I have a feeling that he ain't no Peyton Manning! I hate when it's all awkward and you feel bad b/c it is so terrible!

The Duff thing is BIZARRE - apparently, the Mom brought the Dad in to court to get $12,500 for Hillary's 21st Birthday party (since I guess that's what they paid for Haylie's) and in doing that, the judge found out that he sold some assets without permission (I am assuming that the divorce is final). BUT SERIOUSLY - Hillary Duff, who must have at least $1 million, cannot just throw her own damn party? I mean, seriously, once your know that your Mom is going to court, dont' you offer up the money yourself?!?!

Posted by: Betty | August 28, 2008 9:12 AM | Report abuse

I SWEAR we are not the same person, but he/she is brillant and has a wonderful point of view! :)

Posted by: Betty and not stuck@work | August 28, 2008 9:14 AM | Report abuse

wow!

Great Morning!

I have nothing to add!

(someone stop me from using the shift + 1)

Oh, and Mrs Phelps? Good choice. Where else can you shop and get into a size 3?

Posted by: Curmudgeon weighs in | August 28, 2008 9:17 AM | Report abuse

I sure hope Michael Phelps is half as good as Payton Manning was.

Posted by: Sully chuckles over the locker room dance | August 28, 2008 9:17 AM | Report abuse

Wow you guys got to an early start this morning.

Maybe Tito Jackson should counsel Solange on how to be the less talented, less successful sibling.

If SNL were to say have Kerri Walsh and Misty May host then I might watch, only if they wore their Olympic uniforms though.

It's nice to see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in the Simpson family.

" its sad to see people turning on someone just because they are successful and popular."

Posted by: "luvmichael" | August 28, 2008 8:58 AM

luvmichael, are you new here? This is what we do.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 28, 2008 9:18 AM | Report abuse

It's nice to see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in the Simpson family.

Or the Phillips family tree.

Posted by: California Dreamin' | August 28, 2008 9:20 AM | Report abuse

I heart Tim Gunn. Is he up there with Mike Rowe in the unsnarkable realm?

Posted by: jes | August 28, 2008 9:26 AM | Report abuse

...the Mom brought the Dad in to court to get $12,500 for Hillary's 21st Birthday party


Why? Unless the child is in school, doesn't child support usually end at 18? I know my friend was p*ssed when her 19 y/o daughter dropped out of school because it meant no more child support. $25,000 for a 21st birthday party? Didn't the Cruises spend 20 times that for Suri's first birthday?

Posted by: jus' saying | August 28, 2008 9:27 AM | Report abuse

I wouldn't kick Julia Roberts out of my bed in that bikini! I might kick the bikini out, but who wouldn't? I agree with luvmichael, Misty and Kerri should be required to wear their olympic unis for all public appearances.

Posted by: Brutal has a dirty mind this morning | August 28, 2008 9:30 AM | Report abuse

Given the area of Houston the Duffs are from (Hilary went to school with my ex's sister) I don't have that hard of a time believing the $12,500 21st birthday party price tag.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 28, 2008 9:33 AM | Report abuse

Good morning for pictures. Equal opportunity "talent" in this year's Survivor. I say Julia looks just fine. So she likes a hot pink bikini, big deal. She wears it well.

Even at full size I'm sure the statue didn't cost much more than 20 bucks.

Posted by: EricS | August 28, 2008 9:34 AM | Report abuse

Julia Roberts may not have curves but she still has her legs, and that's just fine with me.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 28, 2008 9:35 AM | Report abuse

Dorkus- the $12,500 was only his half.

But seriously, she's an adult and rich - shouldn't she pay for her own f'ing party? It's not like she's turning 5.

Posted by: Betty | August 28, 2008 9:35 AM | Report abuse

Julia Roberts looks great! Unless, of course, you look at her face . . . .

What?!? C'mon people, she was Sarah Jessica Parker before Sarah Jessica Parker was. Without the exactly perfect make-up, lighting, and angles, she's just ugh.

Posted by: jaybbub is no goddess herself, but still | August 28, 2008 9:36 AM | Report abuse

Well, yes Betty I agree with you, the girl has her own money and she should pay for her own party (and invite me as well).

Posted by: Dorkus | August 28, 2008 9:36 AM | Report abuse

Dorkus and Brutal have a good point about the olympic uniforms being required for public appearances.

If Michael Phelps wears his speedo on SNL, you'll know where to find me that Saturday.

Posted by: Sully | August 28, 2008 9:37 AM | Report abuse

I agree with [Dorkus], Misty and Kerri should be required to wear their olympic unis for all public appearances.

Posted by: Brutal has a dirty mind this morning | August 28, 2008 9:30 AM

****

I will go along with that, as long as we further stipulate that they make no public appearances for as long as they both shall live.

They look like preteen boys in those bikinis. And NBC's bizarre fixation on beach volleyball makes me wonder if it wasn't a cleverly disguised infomercial for GE Sand.

Posted by: byoolin goes lookin' for a 98-lb weakling. | August 28, 2008 9:38 AM | Report abuse

"It" being NBC's Olympics broadcast.

Posted by: byoolin clarifies his previous statement. | August 28, 2008 9:44 AM | Report abuse

dont be such debbie downers.

They are just riding the wave of cash flow and endorsements, it wont last too long.

He is still a good swimmer.

Posted by: picturethis | August 28, 2008 9:44 AM | Report abuse

Just because I'm evil, I had to mention that the Mackenzie Phillips item immediately made me think of her relation's band...

Someday somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye

Posted by: Sully sings it. | August 28, 2008 9:52 AM | Report abuse

Alright byoolin, will you except Amanda Beard in her PETA uniform?

Posted by: Dorkus | August 28, 2008 9:54 AM | Report abuse

accept, not except....friggin homophones...

Posted by: Dorkus | August 28, 2008 9:57 AM | Report abuse

Maybe Schneider will drop in to the LA jail with a file or a sledge hammer or something to bust Julie out of jail.

Posted by: Groovis | August 28, 2008 9:59 AM | Report abuse

I think I'll watch SNL in the hope that Michael Phelps wears his speedo...

Posted by: kate07 | August 28, 2008 10:01 AM | Report abuse

Alright byoolin, will you accept Amanda Beard in her PETA uniform?

Posted by: Dorkus | August 28, 2008 9:54 AM

****

Now, see, Amanda Beard is totally, utterly and undeniably hot in her PETA uniform *and* in that one-piece swimsuit she races in.

Posted by: byoolin is mesmerized by her shiny goggles. | August 28, 2008 10:04 AM | Report abuse

"They are just riding the wave of cash flow and endorsements, it wont last too long." --picturethis

Oh, I don't know, in 20 years he could marry a woman with a daughter that has a big ass and a sex tape and get his own reality show on E!

Posted by: jake e. poo just thinking ahead | August 28, 2008 10:13 AM | Report abuse

I really don't understand how Namoi got a boyfriend the woman seems to have some serious anger issues.

When you're getting called out for being out of control by Lilo, you're really messed up and should seek assistance immediately.

Posted by: petal | August 28, 2008 10:14 AM | Report abuse

10 am and already >50 comments.

Luv, Luv, Luv Tim Gunn, my hero. And I agree that it was way over due for Keith to be auf'd last night. Should have been auf'd last week for making a dress out of my dust mop.

New Celebrity trend...(ok maybe not so new but as usual I'm late on the pickup)--Celeb Dads in jail. I tell ya, they can be worse than soccer Moms.

Solange kinda reminds me of Jan Brady. "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, why is everything about Marsha!!"

Mudge, I agree with you. Chico's has a scam going with their size range. Heck, I bought a pair of jeans there just so I could tell someone I am wearing a size 0.5! However, I think the Debbie Phelps endorsement is not going to help their image. Now I will certainly not go back, size 0.5 or not.

Posted by: hodie arriving fashionably late | August 28, 2008 10:26 AM | Report abuse

byoolin, I am also mesmerized by her shiny goggles.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 28, 2008 10:36 AM | Report abuse

I'm not a fan of Naomi Campbell, but props to her.
Now *that's* how you get a Brazilian.

Posted by: other liz | August 28, 2008 10:42 AM | Report abuse

Just when we thought we heard all of the dorky (sorry Dorkus) Celebrity kid names, here comes Julia Roberts with Hazel and Phinnaeus. Now tell me little Phinnaeus won't get shoved into a locker just for his name and Hazel won't be renamed Witch Hazel by cheerleading squad. That is just cruel. Don't these celebrities ever think ahead? They want "normal" lives for their kids and then go and name them Apple or something stupid like that. Why not Bananas?

Posted by: hodie, trust me I know about stupid names | August 28, 2008 10:48 AM | Report abuse

So happy Kate Moss and her privates are being immortalized. Just what we need: statues of cokehead super models.
In fact, I feel a statue of Mackenzie Phillips coming on.
And EVERYBODY knows that the reason Naomi wants an apt. in Brazil if for the cheap cosmetic surgery.

Posted by: possum | August 28, 2008 10:48 AM | Report abuse

What?! How could you think Peyton wouldn't be good on SNL?!

"Let's go insurance adjustors, let's go!"

"Can I get your autograph? You're my favorite guy!"

He's been making hilarious commercials for years.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 10:53 AM | Report abuse

Oops, most recent Peyton commercial comment at 10:53 was me. Don't want to start a troll war!

Posted by: Sigh | August 28, 2008 10:54 AM | Report abuse

Boys, boys, boys.

Are "shiny goggles" anything like "size 10 EEE shoes"?

Also, has any ever noticed that as men age, their noses begin to look like penises?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 28, 2008 11:00 AM | Report abuse

The "bad apple" tenured teachers in my high school were pushed into "Counselor" and "Attendance Teacher" positions.

Do Guidance Counselors receive the same pay/tenure as teachers?

Posted by: Curious | August 28, 2008 10:27 AM

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 11:01 AM | Report abuse

"African-American students were NOT encouraged to try for college."

Ha, they excel in the college of crime,meaningless sports and booty chasing.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 10:49 AM

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 11:02 AM | Report abuse

has any ever noticed that as men age, their noses begin to look like penises?
****
oh, boy, thanks alot. lol. have to chase that image away. what made you put that in print? arg.
***
as far as that whackjob naomi campbell getting an $18,000,000 from her new boyfriend, i must ask: is her business 18k gold?

Posted by: janet might tweak curmdugeon's beak | August 28, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

Sometimes a goggle is just a goggle.

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2008 11:13 AM | Report abuse

"oh, boy, thanks alot. lol. have to chase that image away. what made you put that in print? arg."

I had to ask because I saw a picture in the Post of Bill Clinton speaking last night. (Check out George Bush sometime, too.)

eeeew

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 28, 2008 11:18 AM | Report abuse

I think I'll watch SNL in the hope that Michael Phelps wears his speedo...

Posted by: kate07 | August 28, 2008 10:01 AM

Sigh. Me, too.

Posted by: WDC 21113 | August 28, 2008 11:22 AM | Report abuse

damn! hope everybody ducked when the troll flew through at 11:01-11:02....

those things are hell to get outta your hair.

Posted by: b | August 28, 2008 11:27 AM | Report abuse

"those things are hell to get outta your hair"

You're correct, b.

That oozy purple slime the troll leaves behind is impervious to even the best shampoos.

Posted by: Curmudgeon picks globs of goo out of her coif | August 28, 2008 11:35 AM | Report abuse

Can we please excise all same-post references to Bill Clinton, George Bush and nose-penises? Owe the horror!

Posted by: BxNY, twitching | August 28, 2008 11:35 AM | Report abuse

To riff on td's SNL lineup, I hope Debbie Phelps is cast in another ad for JCPenny's "Mom Jeans." I think that Chico's line qualifies her.

“She’ll love the nine inch zipper and casual front pleats.” SNL gold.

Posted by: rachelt | August 28, 2008 11:38 AM | Report abuse

To what do we owe the horror?

Posted by: rachelt | August 28, 2008 11:39 AM | Report abuse

thanks Curmudgeon, I will probably be thinking of your comment on men's noses the next time I see my boss.

Posted by: hodie will probably be fired | August 28, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

Tim Gunn also reportedly said, "Cindy McCain looks like someone has twisted her ponytail into a knot and tried to give her a face-lift."

How can you not like this man?

(Confidential to fellow "Project Runway" watchers: Last night's aufing? Way overdue. And stop crying already. Sheesh.)

Posted by: td says make it work | August 28, 2008 8:53 AM

Yeah, bout time they got rid of that dead weight.

Next up on the chopping block, the other mousy girl with big glasses.

Posted by: Bored @ work | August 28, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

Just when we thought we heard all of the dorky (sorry Dorkus) Celebrity kid names, here comes Julia Roberts with Hazel and Phinnaeus. Now tell me little Phinnaeus won't get shoved into a locker just for his name and Hazel won't be renamed Witch Hazel by cheerleading squad. That is just cruel. Don't these celebrities ever think ahead? They want "normal" lives for their kids and then go and name them Apple or something stupid like that. Why not Bananas?

Posted by: hodie, trust me I know about stupid names | August 28, 2008 10:48 AM

Depends on how the Roberts kids spin it. Might be kind of cool to hang with "Haze" & "Finn".

Posted by: ADHD would like to kiss the sky & raft down the Mississippi | August 28, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

Just what we need: statues of cokehead super models.
****
oh, boy, possum, after curmudgeon's ears/penis remark richoted through my brain, i thought you'd written: statues of cockhead supermodels.
help me.

Posted by: janet needs a dark room & a cool cloth | August 28, 2008 11:47 AM | Report abuse

My word, I'm shocked at how filthy you people are. The amount of crude and profane comments this morning upsets me. There are children who read this, for goodness sakes!

Posted by: Nancy | August 28, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

a little freudian slip, eh Janet?

Totally right ADHD on the name spin for the twins. Could work if they're cool. If they're not exactly in the in-crowd, could be trouble. Parents, just don't do it!

Posted by: hodie | August 28, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

Do kids today even know what Witch Hazel is? I know it's a plant, but my first thought of Witch Hazel is always of the witch from the Looney Tunes cartoons.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 28, 2008 12:03 PM | Report abuse

You know, I'm as filthy as the next girl (giggety!), but I'm not seeing it, 'mudge. Doesn't mean I didn't laugh, but I'm not seeing it.

I really like Mike Phelps, but I cringe at the thought of him doing SNL. Maybe he can get his buddies from the relays to co-host with him. ...Actually, that would be pretty cool.

Posted by: Bawlmer | August 28, 2008 12:06 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer.

Try checking out a photo of Prince Charles . . .

Posted by: Mudge washes her eyes out with soap | August 28, 2008 12:07 PM | Report abuse

Also, Liz, thanks for the Brad Pitt link. I saw the goatee and started making stupid giggling noises in the middle of my office.

Posted by: Bawlmer sez, "Hur hur hur, he's purty." | August 28, 2008 12:09 PM | Report abuse

d

Posted by: Nancy | August 28, 2008 12:09 PM | Report abuse

Prince Charles, eh? To the Google!

(LATER)

Mudge, you owe me a stiff drink.

Posted by: Bawlmer can't unsee what she's seen! | August 28, 2008 12:19 PM | Report abuse

Nancy, no one gives a rats ass what you think.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 12:21 PM | Report abuse

Wait. I'm confused about the Brad Pitt article.

Was he awarded Best Actor for ...Jesse James...Robert Ford last year but didn't pick it up until this year?

And what is the significance of the flower for George Clooney?

Posted by: Sully loves a Jesse James tale | August 28, 2008 12:26 PM | Report abuse

And what is the significance of the flower for George Clooney?

Posted by: Sully loves a Jesse James tale

****

A nameless woman gives Brad Pitt her delicate flower "to give to George Clooney"?

And Nancy thinks we *talk* dirty...

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2008 12:33 PM | Report abuse

To what do we owe the horror?

Posted by: rachelt | August 28, 2008 11:39 AM

The Achenblog.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

tim gunn gets lifetime immunity

Posted by: in janet's small, narrow world, tim gunn rocks | August 28, 2008 12:47 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, bout time they got rid of that dead weight.

Next up on the chopping block, the other mousy girl with big glasses.


Posted by: Bored @ work | August 28, 2008 11:42 AM
************************

Nooooooo! I like the mousy girl - she does some cool stuff. I think it's time for Stella to hit the road. Too bad for her that there's not a judge from "Drop Dead Magazine" instead of ELLE.

Posted by: Groovis | August 28, 2008 12:59 PM | Report abuse

I kinda feel for Solange. She is trying to make it all and she hears about is her big sister. How about asking some questoins about her before the Beyonce questions.

Poor Mackenzie. She worked so hard to stay clean and get back to acting. It's sad. but, nice One Day at a Time reference there Groovis.

Hopefully, the Phelps family's 15 minutes will end soon. They are nice people, but if they keep getting exposed like this, they will get burnt by the famesun.

Sure Naomi Campbell's boyfriend bought her an $18 mill apartment. He just made sure there were no small throwable objects in it first.

Posted by: ep | August 28, 2008 12:59 PM | Report abuse

To make it fair, I'll give my flower to George Clooney to give to Brad Pitt.

Posted by: hodie | August 28, 2008 1:04 PM | Report abuse

Hopefully, the Phelps family's 15 minutes will end soon. They are nice people, but if they keep getting exposed like this, they will get burnt by the famesun.

ep

Nice touch, likening Phelps fils et mère to Icarus and a female Daedalus!

Posted by: Nosy Parker bows in awe | August 28, 2008 1:06 PM | Report abuse

If you are stupid enough to date Surge Knight,Michael Lohan and Naomi Campbell, you get what you deserve. Please don't try to sell your story. No one is interested.

Posted by: Lisa1 | August 28, 2008 1:15 PM | Report abuse

Nancy, no one gives a rats ass what you think.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 12:21 PM

Why must you attack me? The way you people harass and provoke each other is astounding. It brings me to tears. And then for you to also come and say horrid things to me just makes it worse.

Posted by: Nancy | August 28, 2008 1:16 PM | Report abuse

I like the mousy girl
*****
i do, too, groovis, very much. an example of appearance having no relation to skills,talent, etc.

Posted by: janet roots for the mousy girl | August 28, 2008 1:19 PM | Report abuse

Janet, I can't believe you got cockhead past the censors! Way to go!
I am appalled that Liz does not have a mug shot of Mackenzie Phillips...I'm aguessing scraggy hair, no bra, man's undershirt....

Posted by: possum | August 28, 2008 1:32 PM | Report abuse

Nancy, no one gives a rats ass what you think.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 12:21 PM

Why must you attack me? The way you people harass and provoke each other is astounding. It brings me to tears. And then for you to also come and say horrid things to me just makes it worse.

Posted by: Nancy | August 28, 2008 1:16 PM


Nancy, we're sorry. we love you. please dont cry.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 1:35 PM | Report abuse

possum, isn't there a website that runs mug shots?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 1:37 PM | Report abuse


http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/mackenzie-phillips-drug-bust-pictures/

Posted by: kate07 | August 28, 2008 1:44 PM | Report abuse

Mousygirl's outfit last night sure wasn't mousy. I agree, she should NOT go next, I think that 'liscious moron needs to go next.

Posted by: hodie | August 28, 2008 1:49 PM | Report abuse

I hope SNL comes up with some skits where Phelps doesn't have to talk much. Nancy Kerrigan did a great skating skit on SNL with Chris Farley. Does anyone else remember?

Posted by: new england | August 28, 2008 2:17 PM | Report abuse

I hope SNL comes up with some skits where Phelps plays a weather vane.

Posted by: byoolin still can't believe those size 14EEE Ears. | August 28, 2008 2:25 PM | Report abuse

For Byoolin and Dorkus:

http://etruesports.com/index.php?page=article&articleId=187

No shiny goggles in sight...

Sarah Larson CHEATED ON GEORGE CLOONEY???!!!
Someone get that woman a lobotomy!

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 2:46 PM | Report abuse

Sarah Larson CHEATED ON GEORGE CLOONEY???!!!
Someone get that woman a lobotomy!


Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 2:46 PM

********************

Apparently she already had a lobotomy - that can be the only reasonable explanation.

Posted by: Groovis | August 28, 2008 2:50 PM | Report abuse

You make a good point, Groovis. Clearly she's nuts. deranged. off her rocker. crazy. deluded. insane. several cans shy of a six pack. Stop me before I channel dead parrots.

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 3:01 PM | Report abuse

Yeah. Sarah Larson. Cheating. On George motherf*&^%^$ Clooney. If true, I nominate this for "Bonehead Move of the Summer".

Posted by: Bawlmer | August 28, 2008 3:02 PM | Report abuse

hermespal, thank you for that. Even without the goggles, she's alright.

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2008 3:03 PM | Report abuse

I'm tellin' ya.

Cheating on George Clooney is like cheating on your brother.

George encourages cheating for the good of his relationship and the mental health of his "girlfriend".

Posted by: Curmudgeon sees boyond the pretty face | August 28, 2008 3:04 PM | Report abuse

Mudge, I'm a little slow today...what?

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 3:05 PM | Report abuse

You're welcome, Byoo.

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 3:06 PM | Report abuse

C'mon, I'll bet you that the SNL with Michael Phelps will include at least five of the following:

* Opening monologue where cast members sit in the audience to help move things along by asking questions (e.g., "Is it true you eat 800 pancakes for breakfast every day?").
* SNL male cast member in a Speedo.
* SNL male cast member as Mark Spitz, DDS, who challenges Michael to a test on dentistry to prove that Mark's still better than Michael at something.
* SNL female cast member as Debbie Phelps selling her line of Speedo bodysuits for the over-40 woman.
* SNL female cast member as a 90-year-old Dara Torres racing walkers against 72-year-old Michael at the Retired Olympian Nursing Home.
* Cast members all wearing gold medals (think Susan Lucci on SNL when everyone in the cast and crew had an Emmy but her).
* Weekend Update reference to Baltimore, Md. being renamed Phelpsville, Md.
* Michael Phelps visits headhunter who tries to find him a job that he's qualified for ("I'm not seeing a lot here. How fast can you type?" "Dude, I have 14 gold medals!" "Yes, but do you know PowerPoint?")

And chances are, none of it will be as funny as the story on TheOnion about Michael Phelps returning to his tank at Sea World.

Posted by: td | August 28, 2008 3:08 PM | Report abuse

George encourages cheating for the good of his relationship and the mental health of his "girlfriend".

Posted by: Curmudgeon sees boyond the pretty face | August 28, 2008 3:04 PM

"Boyond", eh? Now THAT's a Freudian slip.

Posted by: Bawlmer | August 28, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

Hmm, Mudge seems to be implying that George is a friend of Clay.

Really, though, has anyone every accused Sara Larson of being smarter than a 3rd grader? Or maybe she figured her Clooneytime was about up, and was looking for the next sugar daddy. (That would be giving her credit for being at least 5th grade smart.)

Posted by: epony | August 28, 2008 3:11 PM | Report abuse

I can't believe you got cockhead past the censors! Way to go!
I am appalled that Liz does not have a mug shot of Mackenzie Phillips
****
i'm equally stunned. who'd a thunk it. huzzah for us.
there is a mug shot of mackenzie phillips on tmz.com. a sad, sad shot, plus photos of the drugs and hypodermic needles. eek.
not just a trace amount either.

Posted by: janet takes a bow and thanks possum and the censors | August 28, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

When, oh when, will it be MY Clooneytime?

Posted by: Groovis | August 28, 2008 3:15 PM | Report abuse

hermes, I believe 'mudge is implying that Mr Clooney goes up the down staircase. Putts from the rough. Wears the tight Speedos. Is a little light in the loafers. Comes from the other side of the valley...ok, you get my point.
(I don't think so, but what are we here for, if not salacious gossip and wild rumors?)

Posted by: Bawlmer is out of colorful euphemisms. | August 28, 2008 3:15 PM | Report abuse

that 'liscious moron needs to go next.
****
yes, maybe, enough of the liscious and the tanning booths, but the one who drives me berserk is suede. a. what's w/the name? i'd vote for phinnaeus before that moniker and b. what's w/talking in the third person? stop it. stop it. stop it. he's a decent designer though.

Posted by: janet puts her 2 cents in on project runway. | August 28, 2008 3:15 PM | Report abuse

channel dead parrots.
****
"he's just resting"............

Posted by: janet thinks back to monty python | August 28, 2008 3:19 PM | Report abuse

Yikes. Thanks for the clarification. I'd forgotten that there is some speculation that his serial monogamy is cover. I think not, personally, but whatever.

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 3:19 PM | Report abuse

td, you might want to get an agent and take those script ideas to NBC - especially the headhunter and the retired Olympians bits.

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

Another one for you td,
SNL castmembers as future Phelps children sprout gills ala Kevin Costner in Waterworld.

Posted by: hodie | August 28, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

Mudge's comment about cheating on your brother, coupled with today's post about Chevy Chase, reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from "Vacation:"

Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.

Audrey Griswold: So, everybody does that.

Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.

Posted by: Groovis is thinking movies, again..... | August 28, 2008 3:24 PM | Report abuse

From an Esquire interview a few months ago:

"I show him a site called 'George Clooney is GAY GAY GAY.' Clooney starts to read:

"George Clooney's life parallels Rock Hudson's way too much to be a coincidence...He dates beautiful women and nothing happens and they disappear into oblivion."

'That's because I eat them.'

So . . . any truth to this?

'No. I'm gay, gay. The third gay -- that was pushing it.' "

source: http://www.esquire.com/features/george-clooney-0408-2

Posted by: Bawlmer needs to get back to work, dammit. | August 28, 2008 3:30 PM | Report abuse

Are you saying Clooney likes musicals? Nooooooo! Say it ain't so, Joe, say it ain't so. (see 1:04 post--now I'm mad)

Posted by: hodie, still slow on the uptake | August 28, 2008 3:30 PM | Report abuse

I love me some George Clooney. I'd say tongue firmly in cheek there (not THAT cheek).

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 3:34 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, byoolin. And hodie, I really like the Phelps gill children idea. Also:

* Michael Phelps is named John McCain's choice for VP on the Republican ticket. Instead of a debate, he and Joe Biden swim the 200M Butterfly to determine the better choice for Second-in-Command. Biden wins.

Posted by: td has no idea of michael's party affiliation | August 28, 2008 3:38 PM | Report abuse

I'd say tongue firmly in cheek there (not THAT cheek).

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 3:34 PM

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm so glad I'm alone in the office, because I damn near snorted my coffee out my nose.

Posted by: Bawlmer | August 28, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for the link to the article, Bawlmer. I think the guy's a riot (that video of him at Joel Stein's house slays me). He's so self-deprecating he can fend off criticism by aiming it at himself first. Many celebs should try the same!

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 3:50 PM | Report abuse

He's so self-deprecating he can fend off criticism by aiming it at himself first. Many celebs should try the same!

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 3:50 PM

Good point, hermespal. Didn't some of us discuss recently that Dolly Parton is another practitioner of this art?

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 28, 2008 3:56 PM | Report abuse

Showing my age here: Michael Phelps in a remake of that TV classic, The Man from Atlantis!

Posted by: new england had a crush on Patrick Duffy in the 70s | August 28, 2008 3:58 PM | Report abuse

td, you're on a roll today! Love your SNL skit plots, and the swimming race (although mercifully Phelps won't be 35 for another three presidential cycles).

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 28, 2008 3:59 PM | Report abuse

td says:
"And chances are, none of it will be as funny as the story on TheOnion about Michael Phelps returning to his tank at Sea World."

Yep, SNL has jumped the shark.

Hmmm, perhaps Michael Phelps could do that....in a speedo, for the benefit of his "fans".

Posted by: Sasquatch will take Salma Hayak in a bikini for $200 | August 28, 2008 4:03 PM | Report abuse

"Sasquatch will take Salma Hayak in a bikini for $200"

Alex: And the answer IS . . . stretch marks

Sasquatch:

Posted by: Curmudgeon liked Art Fleming better | August 28, 2008 4:08 PM | Report abuse

Well, obviously, it's "What will she have in her nether regions the morning after she meets Sasquatch?"

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2008 4:21 PM | Report abuse

Sorry about that, Sas. I couldn't wait any longer...

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2008 4:21 PM | Report abuse

Alex: Byoolin is in the lead with $200.

Posted by: Mudge | August 28, 2008 4:23 PM | Report abuse

Right Nosy, I'd forgotten that discussion. They're both in on the joke, no matter what it is.

Beside the point and to no one in particular, I'm a little baffled on the Michael Phelps body worship. Yeah, he's cut but he's also completely out of proportion--torso too long, legs too short, arms too long. Makes for one speedy swimmer, but some of the other guys have better looking bodies. Just sayin'.

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 4:24 PM | Report abuse

very good byoolin, you remembered to phrase it in the form of a question?

Posted by: hodie | August 28, 2008 4:25 PM | Report abuse

Did anyone else catch WaPo Gardening columnist Adrian Higgins' appearance on
"Jeopardy" several months ago? Didn't win, but didn't embarrass himself either.

Posted by: Nosy Parker | August 28, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, Nosy, I remember that episode. Mr. Hermespal and I are both Jeopardy addicts--and very competitive with each other about it ;-)

Posted by: hermespal | August 28, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

Jumping in on the Project Runway posts. Yes tanorexic licious guy has to go, Suede needs to be auf'd if only for the third person references and Stella, because I'm sick of hearing her talk about leathuh. Beyond that, I'm a bit sick of the '40's throwback girl and her annoying laugh, but I'm liking Korto (sp?) and Joe.

Posted by: jes | August 28, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

oh, yes, the 40s girl and that grating laugh. shudder. altho' she does some nice things. stella has to get lost. go eat some cheetos. i also like jerrell (sp) and terri. but in comparison w/designers past, they're dull. the show is missing a beat this year. not tim or michael kors, but the show itself. maybe they need to go back to yutzes off the street as opposed to people who already have design businesses and shops.

Posted by: janet gets her wits together to spend this evening watching an historic speech. | August 28, 2008 5:24 PM | Report abuse

"Sorry about that, Sas. I couldn't wait any longer... "

That's what Salma Hayek told me.

Posted by: Sasquatch thanks Byoolin | August 28, 2008 5:26 PM | Report abuse

"Sorry about that, Sas. I couldn't wait any longer...

"That's what Salma Hayek told me."


Well done, Sasquatch.

(yeah, I know, Sas, that's what Helen Mirren said.)

Posted by: Mudge | August 28, 2008 5:33 PM | Report abuse

"(yeah, I know, Sas, that's what Helen Mirren said.)"

In my drams...

Posted by: Sasquatch | August 28, 2008 5:45 PM | Report abuse

In my drams...

*******

Uh oh, Sas started drinking early today.

Posted by: alex thinks it was single malt | August 28, 2008 6:06 PM | Report abuse

"Sasquatch will take Salma Hayak in a bikini for $200"

Alex: And the answer IS . . . stretch marks

But the MOST beautiful stretch marks in the world!

Posted by: Salma is HOT! | August 28, 2008 6:22 PM | Report abuse

Posted by: Salma is HOT! | August 28, 2008 6:22 PM

Is that you, Fred?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2008 7:17 PM | Report abuse

"Whose motorcycle is this?"

"It's a chopper,baby."

"Whose chopper is this?"

"Fred."

"Who's Fred?"

"Fred's dead baby, Fred's dead!"

Posted by: to 7:17 | August 28, 2008 7:47 PM | Report abuse

I'm derisively LOL that you have an article about overdone celebritology that is #3 in line with LiLo mad at her daddy and Fox Mulder checking himself in for sex therapy. Do you people even READ your own website?

Posted by: PanhandleWilly | August 29, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

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