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Posted at 7:34 AM ET, 08/20/2008

Morning Mix: Roseanne Backpedals on Brangelina Criticism

By Liz Kelly
Wednesday

Headlines: Roseanne Barr backs off of Brangelina criticism... Jon Voight defends daughter, calls Barr a "psychopathic liar"... Sean Penn and Val Kilmer rally for Ralph Nader... Miley Cyrus wants us to take care of the environment... David Beckham's life inspires London stage musical; Victoria Beckham sues over diet pill claims... Henry Winkler on hand for unveiling of Fonz statue in Milwaukee... One-time "Idol" hopeful Sanjaya Malakar sells insurance in new TV ad... Elizabeth Taylor home after weeks-long hospital stay... Chris Kattan and wife split after just eight weeks of marriage... Metallica's James Hetfield annoys neighbors by erecting barbed-wire fence... Freed rocker Gary Glitter accused of faking ailment to avoid boarding flight to London.

Rumor Mill: Tom Cruise to take on superhero mantle in "Sleeper"... Russell Crowe to play late comedian Bill Hicks in biopic?... Jennifer Aniston's agents adding matchmaking to services?... Madonna regales birthday fete guests with "Crack Baby" shots.

Say What?
"I wish I had been nude from the time I was 12 until I was 28."
-- Jennifer Love Hewitt, who now regrets hiding her youthful figure behind this sort of thing.

"No one else gets her. And now she'll cook and clean for me." -- Ellen DeGeneres on new wife Portia de Rossi

In Case You Missed It: Post Rock's David Malitz chronicles his frantic day as a temporary member of the Jonas Brothers's entourage.

By Liz Kelly  | August 20, 2008; 7:34 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Highbrow: Parsing Roseanne's Anti-Brangelina Stance

Comments

First!

Posted by: First Comment | August 20, 2008 8:35 AM | Report abuse

Oh, JLH, so do I...so do I. Especially on the set of Heartbreakers. Your scene on the treadmill still haunts my dreams.

Was that too...poetic?

And I'm LOL at Roseanne's backpedal. Clearly, it's the MEDIA's fault.

Posted by: 23112 | August 20, 2008 8:37 AM | Report abuse

And now she'll cook and clean for me!

Hmmm, maybe Ellen should star in a remake of that classic 1950's household comedy, "Leave it to Beaver!"

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 20, 2008 8:42 AM | Report abuse

The plot for that Cruise movie "centers on an operative whose fusion with an alien artifact makes him impervious to pain and allows him to pass it on to others through skin contact." [Insert Scientology joke here.]

No wait, he's already impervious to psychotherapy, and the alien connection. . . . did Liz confuse these two items? Is Russell Crowe the superhero and Tom Cruise the (auto)biopic?

I just don't get JLH's appeal. Yes, she has nice shoes, but they're surrounded by those squinty eyes and all those 800 teeth and bug gums. I dunno. . . .

C'mon, Liz Taylor, we're pulling for you! (More time to grow some more hair so Jose Eber can get more samples to sell in ziplock bags later.)

Posted by: td | August 20, 2008 8:45 AM | Report abuse

Hello Roseanne,
Can you say Good Will Ambassador? Did you read the article Ms. Jolie wrote for the Washington post, noting the surge was working in keeping body count down but much help needs to be given to the Iraqi People? That doesn't make her side with MC Can't. Can I ask you Roseanne, have you been to IRAQ?

Oh and have you heard or seen anything about Mr. Pitt’s "Make it Right Organization?" It's not too late to donate. Oh and Make it Right, also has involved former President Bill Clinton, so I think your accusations about the couple’s presidential involvement are way off base. Besides aren't they residing in France, so perhaps they are more focused on their family life there and don’t intend on voting. WHO CARES?

Roseanne, you make Senator Barack Obama's campaign look bad. As far as evil spawn, no such thing.. that is an awful thing to say about anyone's child. BTW,Do you realize that Jolie takes her mother’s name, because her father was a bum, and not present in her life until she reached some of her own self-made success and to this day Ms. Jolie does not maintain much of a relationship with her absent dad? Face it Roseanne, your remarks about Jon Voight are on target, he is a horse’s hind end, but you shouldn’t put the Jolie-Pitt family in your remarks, cause they’ve done more good in the world then you ever had!!

Love & Peace

Posted by: angelvsion | August 20, 2008 8:45 AM | Report abuse

I wish JLH had been nude from 18 to now. Um, umm

Posted by: dw | August 20, 2008 8:46 AM | Report abuse

Statement from Red Light Management: LeRoi Moore, saxophonist and founding member of Dave Matthews Band, died unexpectedly Tuesday afternoon, August 19, 2008, at Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center in Los Angeles from sudden complications stemming from his June ATV accident on his farm near Charlottesville, Virginia. Moore had recently returned to his Los Angeles home to begin an intensive physical rehabilitation program.

Posted by: Mz Fitz is sorry to bum all the DMB fans out so early in the morning. | August 20, 2008 8:46 AM | Report abuse

OMG, Leroi died?

Posted by: 23112 | August 20, 2008 8:51 AM | Report abuse

My heart absolutely breaks over LeRoi...

Posted by: Betty | August 20, 2008 8:56 AM | Report abuse

Perhaps Roseanne came to the conclusion that being a troll ain't all that much fun.

Isn't that cute? Miley wants us to take care of the environment. So grown up.

Thanks for that Ellen-Portia comment, Elias. It made me brrruupppptt my oatmeal all over the screen.

I see the connection: Metallica = barbed wire fence (i.e., heavy metal?) Never mind.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 20, 2008 8:56 AM | Report abuse

"We can never be surprised at what vile evil comes from the mouth of a confessed victim of child abuse at the hands of her own parents."

I don't have the most respect for Roseanne Barr, but what on earth does her childhood abuse have to do with talking celinedion about the Jolie-Pitts. Way to blame the victim. I think that this is the same formula that Fox News uses to establish creditability.

Posted by: Mz Fitz | August 20, 2008 8:57 AM | Report abuse

*I hope JLH, Love to her friends, is also regretting the hairbow featured in that photo.
*I love the way Roseanne Barr said she didn't mean to impugn Brad and Angie personally. What other way is there?

Posted by: methinks | August 20, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse

angelvsion

Really, gag me.

"Do you realize that Jolie takes her mother’s name, because her father was a bum, ............."

This is actually not true and is her dad was such a bum for leaving her mother and having an affair why did she do the same thing. She stopped talking to her dad after she was grown because he said she had a mental problem on a ET or extra, whatever show that was.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse


Maybe someone pointed out to Barr that when attacking someone for violent movies, it's a good idea to make sure they haven't been in two cartoons movies.

Posted by: MGC | August 20, 2008 9:01 AM | Report abuse

So it took Chris Kattan's wife 8 whole weeks to figure out he bats for the other team, huh? Interesting.

Also, Roseanne may be right on about Jon Voight, who really is a tool (I know, I've met him), but she is also clearly insane. I guess even insane people are bound to get it right once in awhile.

Posted by: ASinMoCo | August 20, 2008 9:11 AM | Report abuse

Jon Voight defends daughter, calls Barr a "psychopathic liar"...

-Why did I think this involved Bob Barr? (Which I think would have been a lot more interesting).

I would like to add my name to the growing list of people who wish JLH would have been nude more. (After she had turned 18, of course).

Victoria Beckham knows she's a role model and doesn't want girls to take diet pills. She'd much rather they follow in her footstep and practice bulimia.

I love this from the Gary Glitter article: Major General Pongdej Chaiprawaj, head of Bangkok airport immigration police..."He is banned from entering [Thailand] because he was jailed and he could pose a threat to domestic morality," he said.

-How f*@#%d up do you have to be to where the citizens of Bangkok think you are a threat to public morality?

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 9:32 AM | Report abuse

Hey Dorkus, the story starts out like this for Major General Chaiprawaj --start music--- One night in Bangkok

Posted by: dw | August 20, 2008 9:38 AM | Report abuse

I guess even insane people are bound to get it right once in awhile.

Posted by: ASinMoCo | August 20, 2008 9:11 AM

ASinMoCo - I was friends many, many years ago with an old Cherokee man who liked to say, "Even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while..." Usually about something that *I* had gotten right, but that's another story.

And, Dorkus, good question. I think the answer is "monstrously."

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 9:40 AM | Report abuse

Earlier this year several of my friends tried to convince me to have my bachelor party in Bangkok. I'm now thinking I should have taken that suggestion more seriously.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 9:42 AM | Report abuse

oops - 9:40 is me. More coffee needed.

And dw, thanks a lot. Last week it was Rocky Horror and now I am going to have Chess stuck in my head all day. I guess it beats Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit..." but not by much.

Posted by: sunnydaze | August 20, 2008 9:42 AM | Report abuse

The real question is whether the insurance Sanjaya is selling is good for more than 15 minutes.

Posted by: M Street | August 20, 2008 9:43 AM | Report abuse

"How f*@#%d up do you have to be to where the citizens of Bangkok think you are a threat to public morality?"

Brilliant. I'm stealing this.

BTW, I once read that the way you tell between real women and "ladyboys" in Thailand is the real women don't shave their legs as much.

Posted by: 23112 | August 20, 2008 9:45 AM | Report abuse

Why did it take Mrs. Kattan eight weeks to realize her husband is a has-been with no career? Where have she been?

Posted by: Lisa1 | August 20, 2008 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Liz missed the most interesting news about Jennifer Love Hewitt. She is on the cover of Us magazine trumpeting her big weight loss. A few months ago when the tabloids were criticizing her weight gain she made a big deal about how she wasn't heavy and she liked her body size. I guess that was all baloney.

Posted by: Cleveland Brown | August 20, 2008 9:53 AM | Report abuse

23112, you "read" that, did you? I love "reading". You learn so much! :)

Posted by: WDC | August 20, 2008 9:55 AM | Report abuse

Ellen is the Hugh Hefner of Lesbians. I bow to her in awe.

Posted by: M Street | August 20, 2008 9:56 AM | Report abuse

"How f*@#%d up do you have to be to where the citizens of Bangkok think you are a threat to public morality?"

Dorkus, I must add my compliments to the others. Brilliant indeed.

Posted by: td | August 20, 2008 9:58 AM | Report abuse

Ellen is the Hugh Hefner of Lesbians.

No, Ellen was being ironic.

Posted by: get a sense of humor | August 20, 2008 9:58 AM | Report abuse

Please, oh please, please, please tell me that Chris Kattan's now ex-wife's name isn't really Sunshine Tutt.

Posted by: clw | August 20, 2008 10:03 AM | Report abuse

Caught the news about LeRoi last night. Sad. He and the drummer were the best things about DMB.

I'm fairly certain Ellen was joking around. The article makes it a littler clearer.

*sigh* Why does Sean Penn keep making me want to either hug him or slug him in the face?

Posted by: EricS | August 20, 2008 10:03 AM | Report abuse

-How f*@#%d up do you have to be to where the citizens of Bangkok think you are a threat to public morality?

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 9:32 AM
----------------------------

Great line, though both Thailand and Indonesia have a weird habit of banning foreign bands for various odd reasons. Probably, the promoter just didn't pay the right bribe.

Posted by: EricS | August 20, 2008 10:06 AM | Report abuse

I guess Chris will no longer sing "You Are My Sunshine" then, clw. Perhaps later, if their separation isn't permanent:

"Sunshine come on back another day
I promise you I'll be singing
This old world, she's gonna turn around
Brand new bells'll be ringing" --Jonathan Edwards

Haven't thought of that song in years.

Posted by: td | August 20, 2008 10:10 AM | Report abuse

As a longtime Bill Hicks fan/worshipper, I am both happy and worried about a possible biopic. I do think that Russell Crowe could do the man justice. I just hope that they don't turn the life of the best stand-up comedian/philosopher into a Lifetime Movie of the Week.

And enquiring minds want to know: will Letterman ever release the tape of Bill's censored performance from 10/9/93?

Posted by: CallMeSkeptical | August 20, 2008 10:12 AM | Report abuse

"Why does Sean Penn keep making me want to either hug him or slug him in the face?"

Sean is just a barrel-full of issues, isn't he, Eric? I feel your pain. Maybe it's some post-traumatic Madonna thing that pops up every now and then.

Posted by: td agrees with you | August 20, 2008 10:14 AM | Report abuse


Ellen is the Hugh Hefner of Lesbians.

No, Ellen was being ironic.

Posted by: get a sense of humor | August 20, 2008 9:58 AM
________________________________________

And so was I. Wanna buy a sense of humor with me? Maybe we can find a buy one get one free sale.

Posted by: M Street | August 20, 2008 10:15 AM | Report abuse

the "insufferable" title is yours and yours alone.

Sorry, judges are not allowed to accept any awards as I previously mentioned.

And as 9:39 notes

"The awards are for OP Olympics"

You certainly can judge and award medals in other OP events among such catagories are:

Bragging on Average Children

Public Phototgraphy

Blood Storage

Bubble Wrap Parents

Spelling and Grammar

Posted by: Gymnastics Judge | August 20, 2008 9:57 AM

Posted by: The OP Olympics! | August 20, 2008 10:17 AM | Report abuse

Earlier this year several of my friends tried to convince me to have my bachelor party in Bangkok. I'm now thinking I should have taken that suggestion more seriously.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 9:42 AM

Why? So you and your friends can exploit more women and treat them as pieces of meat? Disgusting.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 10:18 AM | Report abuse

hi guyz! did u miss me? i was in vacashun with my familee. we went to the outr banks and everythyng. i lissened to ali's new songs the whol trip down and watched linsey's movies on the dvd plaayer. neway's, i'm glayd to be back and chat with all u!

Posted by: luvlinsey | August 20, 2008 10:22 AM | Report abuse

CallMeSkeptical took the words right out of my mouth. I don't know how well Russel Crowe would be able to recreate the hilarious rants. Honestly, though, I can't think of anyone who would even come close...
I just don't want it to turn into some E! True Hollywood Story or some such mess.
"No one knows what it's like, to be a dustbin, in Shaftsbury, with hooligans..."

Posted by: Em | August 20, 2008 10:23 AM | Report abuse

So Sunnydaze can get Chess out of her? head I would like to comment on anonymous above at 10:18
To the tune of another one bites the dust.

Another moron joins the group, another moron joins the group.

Posted by: dw | August 20, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

Oh c'mon. How different would that be that going to Las Vegas (I mean, in a GENERAL sense; don't get all legal and deep on me)?

After all, unless you're Chris Kattan, you only hope to have one bachelor party.

But enough about that -- WHOA! I just saw the Henry Winkler/Fonz statue link. I hope that "art" looks better in person. That photo makes it look like someone's circa-1978 papier-mache art class project -- that got a C+.

Posted by: td says carm down anon at 1018a | August 20, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

So Roseanne wasn't really atacking Angie & Brad, just the media's portrayel of them because the media sucks. What happens if the media every says anything good about her again? Will she have to attack image and call herself horrible things?

Posted by: Newbie | August 20, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

I didn't know byoolin was going to the Outer Banks.

Posted by: td is suspicious of luvlinsey's post | August 20, 2008 10:25 AM | Report abuse

actually, luvlinsey, we did not miss you.

Posted by: circusfreak | August 20, 2008 10:26 AM | Report abuse

OMG. I DID miss luvlinsey. Things have been quite tense around here in her absence. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that her leave was the cause and that we now will have a reprieve from the harshers of the snark.

Posted by: Sully | August 20, 2008 10:27 AM | Report abuse

I recall that Jennifer Aniston's agent set her up with Brad Pitt through his agent. So, even though it's not the way normal people get dates, why not try it again?

Posted by: new england | August 20, 2008 10:27 AM | Report abuse

Ha! Thanks dw, although that song brings to mind an episode at "the mall" with my cousin when some poor guy tried to hit on her by asking if she had heard that new song, "Another one rides the bus." Ah, memories...Oh, no, not Cats! Argh!

Also, EricS, just FYI, Gary Glitter was not banned for for his band, but rather because he is a convicted sex offender - in Thailand - and you know, what Dorkus said...

Posted by: sunnydaze | August 20, 2008 10:29 AM | Report abuse

I missed luvlinsey too. Welcome back, hon.

Posted by: td says ok it really isn't byoolin | August 20, 2008 10:29 AM | Report abuse

I recall that Jennifer Aniston's agent set her up with Brad Pitt through his agent. So, even though it's not the way normal people get dates, why not try it again?

Posted by: new england | August 20, 2008 10:27 AM
----------------------------------------
And look how well that turned out for her.

Posted by: clw | August 20, 2008 10:29 AM | Report abuse

Monday and Tuesday's posts were refreshingly on topic. Unfortunately byoolin (aka luvlinsey) is back so today's Celebritology will once again go off the rails.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 10:31 AM | Report abuse

Also, I did miss you too luvlinsey. Welcome back. Were you and your "familee" at the NC outer banks? We love it there and to keep this comment in line with the *new rules.* We once ran into John Mellencamp out there. He was sitting on the beach with a bunch of other folks mostly in cut off jean shorts playing his guitar and just generally being a regular human being. It was pretty cool.

Posted by: sunnydaze | August 20, 2008 10:32 AM | Report abuse

Oh c'mon. How different would that be that going to Las Vegas (I mean, in a GENERAL sense; don't get all legal and deep on me)?

Posted by: td says carm down anon at 1018a | August 20, 2008 10:24 AM


Have you not heard about how children are forced to be prostiutes and slaves for all the american and euro businessmen and tourists? its sickening that people like Dorkus want to go to Thailand and pay these people to hook up with them. Then go back home and high-five their friends when talking about it. Gross.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 10:33 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, I got to admit I actually did miss luvlinsey. And since byoolin is on vacation this week, I think we can rule out that he is indeed luvlinsey.

And here is the link to a great article in Slate about Bangkok:

http://www.slate.com/id/2163104/entry/2163241/

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 10:36 AM | Report abuse

Anon at 10:33 - please carm down! Yes, I think we are pretty much all aware of the horrific injustices to women and children in SE Asia and in many, many other places around the world - including right here in the United States of A. I think Dorkus' remark was made sarcastically.

Now, please return to your regularly scheduled celebrity snark. I mean, come on, they are making a musical about Becks - surely there is something to say about that?

Posted by: sunnydaze | August 20, 2008 10:38 AM | Report abuse

Why? So you and your friends can exploit more women and treat them as pieces of meat? Disgusting.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 10:18 AM

Yup, we all should be more PC. The only acceptable jokes henceforth will be about Sasquatch's rubber suit.

Posted by: The Island Diversity Director | August 20, 2008 10:40 AM | Report abuse

In the OP Olympics the following medals are awarded:

Bronze to Anon
Who has nothing to say on a daily basis but occasionally is really funny.

Silver to Sue
For her continuous wallowing in self-pity.

And the Gold to Army Brat

For achieving a new Washpo record for being insufferable.

Posted by: Gymnastics Judge | August 20, 2008 7:47 AM


What about one for ATB and her "flat" stomach?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 10:45 AM | Report abuse

BTW, did everyone see the 8:32 PM smack down that Sas laid regarding newbie 3s yesterday?

It's quite good.

Posted by: Mz Fitz | August 20, 2008 10:45 AM | Report abuse

The insinuation I was going to make about Kattan has already been made.

***

"Miley Cyrus wants us to take care of the environment."

Well, I was undecided about this whole environment-thing, but now I'm convinced.

Posted by: mouse | August 20, 2008 10:46 AM | Report abuse

"I mean, come on, they are making a musical about Becks - surely there is something to say about that?" --sunnydaze

OMG. Did you read that article? People refer to David Beckham as Goldenballs?! That is freakin' hilarious. That one-word name alone sounds like a James Bond movie -- where's Tina Turner to sing the theme song (think "Goldeneye")?

Posted by: td also is reminded of, ahem, goldfinger | August 20, 2008 10:49 AM | Report abuse

Goldenballs, I've found his weakness,
Goldenballs, he'll do what I please,
Goldenballs, a time for sweetness,
But a bitter kiss will bring him to his knees

Posted by: td hopes posh can cover tina's theme | August 20, 2008 10:52 AM | Report abuse

Interesting idea behind the David Beckham musical, but where will they find a leading man with the same, um, vocal range as Becks?

Posted by: Sully is guessing they'll have to go with a eunuch. | August 20, 2008 10:55 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, anonymous, if you could actually read and comprehend, you would realize that Dorkus' question about how &$%*% you would have to be to get kicked out of Thailand on moral grounds was actually acknowledge the huge child sex trafficking problem. Dude, I didn't even get worked up about it and I am involved in anti-trafficking efforts? What have you done today to stop it, other than complain here?


If Miley Cyrus wants me to care about the environment, she needs to move out the mansion in which she has her own wing and into a place with a smaller carbon footprint. That would make more a difference than anything I did.

I guess Kris Kattan's ex found out that big racket he was holding a few months back was the only big thing he had.

Posted by: ep | August 20, 2008 10:57 AM | Report abuse

Oh and yes, considering the trolls we got instead, I missed Luvlindsey too. Horrible syntax, spelling and all.

Posted by: ep | August 20, 2008 10:59 AM | Report abuse

Bragging on Average Children

What about bragging about celebrities by average people who think they are really funny, but are usually just lame?

The gold goes to all of you.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 11:00 AM | Report abuse

Sanjaya is selling insurance?! Oh, how the mighty have- wait.

Posted by: Bawlmer | August 20, 2008 11:00 AM | Report abuse

I guess Chris will no longer sing "You Are My Sunshine" then, clw. Perhaps later, if their separation isn't permanent:

"Sunshine come on back another day
I promise you I'll be singing
This old world, she's gonna turn around
Brand new bells'll be ringing" --Jonathan Edwards

Haven't thought of that song in years.

Posted by: td | August 20, 2008 10:10 AM

==========
I'm sorry. The name "Johnathan Edwards" brings a completely different story of discovery and betrayal to mind...

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 20, 2008 11:02 AM | Report abuse

She celebrated her 50th birthday with cocktails and close friends, while her daughter played "Happy Birthday" on the piano and a magician did card tricks.

What's next for Madonna? Bridge club? Quilting bee? Early bird bingo at the Elk's Hall?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 20, 2008 11:05 AM | Report abuse

Hmmm, maybe Ellen should star in a remake of that classic 1950's household comedy, "Leave it to Beaver!"

Posted by: Elias Howe | August 20, 2008 8:42 AM

---------------------

If everyone's agreed that Ellen was being ironic, then I guess it's too late for me to ask who would play Beaver. :p

Posted by: epony | August 20, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

The gold goes to all of you.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 11:00 AM


THANK YOU!!!!

Posted by: Sully | August 20, 2008 11:07 AM | Report abuse

Goldenballs, I've found his weakness,

OK, td, now I have to change my shirt and bleach my brain. Goldenballs? really? I will never, ever get that (ahem) image out of my mind.

Ms.Fitz - thanks for the heads up about the newbie lecture from Sas yesterday - I would not have gone back to read it without the hint and it was well worth the time. I think there should be a permanent link to that post for all newbies to read and contemplate prior to showing their butts as Newbie 3s.

OK, really must get some work done now. See you later.

Posted by: sunnydaze | August 20, 2008 11:07 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, i'd take luvlindsey over anons 10:18, 10:31 and 11 a.m. any day.

td made me laugh and now my office mates are looking at me like i'm roseannebarr.

the statue of the fonz looks more like a short christopher walken channeling jon voight.

Posted by: b | August 20, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

i know byoolin would have an answer for this, but what *does* one chase a "crack baby" shot with? "fetal alcohol syndrome ale"?

Posted by: b | August 20, 2008 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Re: Newbie3s (another term for the glossary, no?)
Not to beat a dead horse, but I'm a newbie to Lizard Island and have found the island's inhabitants to be quite accepting -- whether or not you know the inside jokes. What makes you part of the Lizard community is your willingness to participate in celebrity snark. Period. Even though I haven't been here that long, I'm pretty sure that name-calling and complaining about not being in the "clique" isn't exactly the way to ingratiate yourself into this, or any, community. And if all else fails, you do have the free will to express your celebrity snark elsewhere.

Having thrown my two cents into the ring, it's back to the celebrities!

Posted by: clw believes it's easier to catch flies with honey than it is with vinegar | August 20, 2008 11:12 AM | Report abuse

Eegads. It looks like the Fonz is about to turn his head with that evil grin towards Henry Winkler and punch him in the face with his iron fist.

Run, Henry Winkler, RUN!!

Posted by: Sully finally looked at the Fonz statue | August 20, 2008 11:14 AM | Report abuse

"Amid candles and flowers by Mark's Garden, both brides, wearing designs by Zac Posen, sat on floor pillows along with author Wayne Dyer, who officiated the ceremony."

What? Mark Consuelos was unavailable?

And are we going to be seeing the video on the next PBS pledge drive?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky, in disbelief | August 20, 2008 11:15 AM | Report abuse

Yikes! That statue of the Fonz is SCARY! It actually sort of reminds me of when Darth Vader froze Han Solo at the end of The Empire Strikes Back.

MoCo, I had the same thought about the Jonathan Edwards song.

Posted by: clw | August 20, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

1. jon voight calling anyone a psychopathic liar is hilarious. this from a guy whose somewhat whackadoodle daughter has nothing to do w/him. talk about priceless. mastercard should investigate.
2. it's incongruous that someone from metallica would build what appears to be an unlawful fence to keep people out. what's w/that?
3. wish roseanne had stuck to her guns. right or wrong, i hate it when people backpedal, trying to blame unseen/unknown forces for their comments.
4. sean pean and val kilmer support ralph nader? he's still alive? and someone will vote for him? no comment
5. madonna and crack baby shots. is that activity part of the kabbalah ritual? and a 1/2 hour speech by her madgesty? reminds me of the wedding i just attended where the best man yammered on and on until someone who shall remain nameless yelled out "get the hook".
6. epony's comment at 11:06 is great.

Posted by: janet scratches her head and starts the day | August 20, 2008 11:28 AM | Report abuse


Jon Voight defends daughter, calls Barr a "psychopathic liar"...

-Why did I think this involved Bob Barr? (Which I think would have been a lot more interesting).

-How f*@#%d up do you have to be to where the citizens of Bangkok think you are a threat to public morality?

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 9:32 AM

Thank you, Dorkus. Your post has brought me out of lurkville.

We must be on the same wavelength because I thought the exact same thing about Bob Barr. I read Roseanne's remarks just yesterday, still I thought before clicking on the link, "What in the world did Bob Barr say about Jon Voight."

And your Bangkok line has effectively made my day.

Posted by: nekola | August 20, 2008 11:32 AM | Report abuse

Props to epony for 'going there' with the beave...

Posted by: LTL | August 20, 2008 11:33 AM | Report abuse

Hey! Don't I get any credit for the tv reincarnation idea in the first place?

At least get a "Silver" for "Great Set Up lines of the Day?"

Posted by: Elias Howe is pouting | August 20, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

John Voight once called me a psychopathetic liar.

No he didn't - I am lying. Or AM I?

Posted by: ex cap | August 20, 2008 11:43 AM | Report abuse

There ain't no Sunshine when she's gone!

Eight weeks??? Is his soon-to-be ex related to Pam Anderson, Carmen Electra or Twitney Spears???

Posted by: Brutal | August 20, 2008 11:46 AM | Report abuse

nekola, what can I say, great minds and all, also I'm glad I made your day.

Yes, my posting about Bangkok was in jest. I would like to go to Thailand at some point in time to see the beaches and the different cultural elements of Thailand. However, I wouldn't touch anything associated with the Bangkok nightlife with a 10 foot pole dipped in penicillin.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 11:46 AM | Report abuse

The gold goes to all of you.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 11:00 AM


THANK YOU!!!!

Posted by: Sully | August 20, 2008 11:07 AM

Who's National Anthem are we gonna play?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 11:49 AM | Report abuse

props to elias.
it's being reported that jessica simpson will be flogging beer sales for something called stampede light plus, a beer for active people. is that how beer is being marketed these days?
meg ryan says its impossible to combine a hollywood career and a relationship. i wonder if she consulted with paul newman and joanne woodward, among other....
swimmer amanda beard responded "ew, that's nasty, i have good taste", when asked if she was dating or had dated 8 gold medal swimmer michael phelps. isn't she the one who fizzled out during these olympics? maybe she spent too much time showing everyone her naked poster, instead of practicing.

Posted by: janet posts some early morning musings before feeding the 7 dogs | August 20, 2008 11:51 AM | Report abuse

its so nyce to see that every1 missed me! but im mad that u guyz always are saaying meant thingies about ali. ali is a gr8 girl and she has a fantaystic voice and singing. she's going to win a gramy and then win an oxxscar just like linsey has. dina's parynting skills are fenomenal and all u hareterz r just jelus.

Posted by: luvlinsey | August 20, 2008 11:52 AM | Report abuse

I was going to point out to the ultra-touchy shrillster that there's lots to do in Bangkok that doesn't involve underaged prostitues... you can get fantastic heroin there! But alas, I was working and didn't get my comment in under the buzzer. It's stale now.

In news related to the Roseanne/ Bob Barr mixup... Am I the only one who keeps thinking about Kal Penn when reading about Sean Penn? Is it Sean who's lame and pathetic to have been replaced in the public mind by an actor best known for his stoner jones, or am I the lame and pathetic one, that my mind goes there?

Posted by: WDC | August 20, 2008 11:53 AM | Report abuse

I recall that Jennifer Aniston's agent set her up with Brad Pitt through his agent. So, even though it's not the way normal people get dates, why not try it again?

Posted by: new england | August 20, 2008 10:27 AM
----------------------------------------
And look how well that turned out for her.

-------------------
I don't know, she got to sleep with the guy for, what, 6 years? Worked out fine for a while...I'd take that fix-up

Posted by: Ame | August 20, 2008 11:56 AM | Report abuse

"Who's National Anthem are we gonna play?" --Anonymous | 11:49 AM

byoolin's away; crank up the U.S. anthem.

Posted by: td say can you see | August 20, 2008 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Ooh, props to janet for using Jessica Simpson and flogging in the same sentence.

I really don't think Meg Ryan has to worry about that pesky Hollywood career getting in the way of her love life anymore.

I'd snark on Amanda Beard, but I just really love her commitment to PETA's cause.

Posted by: Dorkus who has a thing for swimmer chicks | August 20, 2008 11:57 AM | Report abuse

I'd snark on Amanda Beard, but I just really love her commitment to PETA's cause
****
agreed, love the cause, but she seemed less than kind in her remarks, esp. since she burned and crashed during these olympics. the better path taken would have been just to say "no, we're not dating". no reason to trash the guy unless..........she hit on him and he turned her down. that's possible. hmmmm.

Posted by: janet and frankie support peta | August 20, 2008 12:02 PM | Report abuse

And I'd snark on Amanda Beard if I weren't so completely distracted by the thought of Michael Phelps. Thanks for that, Janet.

Posted by: Sully just drooled a little bit. | August 20, 2008 12:06 PM | Report abuse

janet, my only question is what kind of tone did Ms. Beard have? It almost sounds like she meant to say it in a sarcastic tone as members of my generation tend to be inclined to do, or was it meant in all seriousness?

Either way, she's still one of my favorites.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 12:14 PM | Report abuse

The gold goes to all of you.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 11:00 AM

This wasn't a compliment.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 12:15 PM | Report abuse

I agree with Sully. Michael Phelps, ooga ooga!

Posted by: ASinMoCo | August 20, 2008 12:16 PM | Report abuse

WDC, I do not confuse Sean Penn and Kal Penn (though it makes me smile remembering how years ago someone tried to convince me that Baltimore Orioles Frank Robinson and Brooks Robinson were brothers).

That said, I read Amanda Beard and thought Amanda Bearse. Which made me think, why do we care about that woman who was on "Married . . . With Children"? Was she at Ellen's and Portia's wedding or something?

Posted by: td needs a caffeine boost | August 20, 2008 12:20 PM | Report abuse

The gold goes to all of you.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 11:00 AM

This wasn't a compliment.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 12:15 PM

We considered the source and took it as one anyway!

Posted by: Kerry understands nuance! | August 20, 2008 12:23 PM | Report abuse

The gold goes to all of you.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 11:00 AM

This wasn't a compliment.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 12:15 PM

Oh...it wasn't?

Posted by: Sully asks while a tear falls from her wide eyes | August 20, 2008 12:23 PM | Report abuse

Well, crap. Now what am I going to do with all of these red, white and blue streamers and "gold" medals made from yogurt lids?

Posted by: Sully | August 20, 2008 12:25 PM | Report abuse

"What? Mark Consuelos was unavailable?" --MoCoSnarky, in disbelief

I want to party with you, MoCo. You are so frickin' funny I can't stand it sometimes. Do you have your own blog?

The Wayne Dyer/PBS pledge drive comment was priceless too.

Posted by: td knows good snark | August 20, 2008 12:26 PM | Report abuse

The Fonz statue was scary. But, I just saw a picture of Gary Glitter. I may have nightmares now. I'd make a boogeyman joke but Anonymous might get all upset.

I saw the Jessica Simpson story too. If she goes on a looooong nationwide tour to promote it and stays far, far, far away from Tony Romo, I will be extremely happy.

Dorkus, has it stopped raining there yet? Has someone found a tarp for the Governnor's Mansion?

Posted by: ep | August 20, 2008 12:26 PM | Report abuse

ep, it's a very nice and cool 84 degrees here with a nice sunny sky. Unfortunately it looks like the thunderstorms will be back this afternoon and will continue on till the weekend (and I really wanted to go kayaking tomorrow). Oh well, we get get an Amy's Ice Cream party at work today, so it won't be too bad.

A tarp? Surely you are giving the Texas bureaucracy too much credit. Maybe they could use whatever Gov. Perry puts in his hair because I don't think anything can penetrate that head of hair.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 12:39 PM | Report abuse

janet, my only question is what kind of tone did Ms. Beard have
***
do not know as i read the comment, didn't hear any audio. it's being reported on the huffingtonpost.com. dare i mention another site? sometimes the best comment is the one left unspoken. reading it, it didn't have that sarcastic or slang connotation, but i'm old enough that it might have flown right past my limited brain capacity.

as someone who does not root for the cowboys, i'm hoping one ms. jessica simpson stays glued to tony romo. they've been together awhile now, at least for her. so maybe a wedding is in the offing. one can only hope.

yes, MoCo has been hilarious today. as has epony and ep. have enjoyed the posts.

Posted by: janet still feels ms. beard was unkind | August 20, 2008 12:42 PM | Report abuse

Hey! Don't I get any credit for the tv reincarnation idea in the first place?

At least get a "Silver" for "Great Set Up lines of the Day?"

Posted by: Elias Howe is pouting | August 20, 2008 11:42 AM
===========================================

Don't pout, Elias. That "beaver" comment was worth the GOLD!

(I'm still picking bits of oatmeal off the screen.)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 20, 2008 12:45 PM | Report abuse

Meanwhile, Amanda also denied she was dating Phelps, saying, "Eww, that's nasty... I have never, ever hooked up with Michael Phelps," Beard said via telephone from Beijing on the "Johnjay and Rich Show," which is broadcast on Kiss FM 104.7 in Phoenix.

"Come on, I have really good taste," Beard said. "He's really not my type."

Asked how the poolside rumors made their way into London's Daily Telegraph, Beard said she had no clue.

"We don't even talk to each other," she said of her relationship with Phelps
****
this is from the huffington post. maybe she was kidding. hard to tell. it's easy to say something you believe to be funny and someone else does not or takes it "the wrong way". so we'll see if she does a roseanne or not.

Posted by: janet posts info from huffington | August 20, 2008 12:46 PM | Report abuse

Amy's Ice Cream!!!!!!!!!!!mmmmmmmmmm. I wanna go home. To where people appreciate the Cowboys (yes, I am talking to you Janet).

Back on the topic of celebrities. Has Maddona decided that African Orphans are so last year and is now looking for a crack baby to adopt? Even Angelina doesn't have one of those. Although she got a twofer with Zahara (AIDs orphan and African baby).

Posted by: ep | August 20, 2008 12:48 PM | Report abuse

The gold goes to all of you.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 11:00 AM

This wasn't a compliment.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 12:15 PM
======================================

Yes, dear, we know.

Go home.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 20, 2008 12:49 PM | Report abuse

Sunnydaze,
If I wasn't a happily married man I would ask you to Ride the Bus with me? (hidden meaning or not??)
That may have to be added to the Celebritology dictionary.

Posted by: dw | August 20, 2008 12:57 PM | Report abuse

She (Amanda Beard) was laughing when she said it.

Posted by: emanon | August 20, 2008 1:01 PM | Report abuse

Do any of the Madonna birthday party stories say what song(s) Lourdes played on the piano? I just have this vision of Madge's kid plinking out "Like a Virgin" for her mother's friends and I don't like what I see.

Posted by: td made it through the wilderness | August 20, 2008 1:01 PM | Report abuse

Lourdes was probably playing either "Chopsticks" or "Heart and Soul" (the melody- one finger part, only).

And the crowd was amazed.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 20, 2008 1:06 PM | Report abuse

To where people appreciate the Cowboys (yes, I am talking to you Janet).
***
sorry, lol. i'll stay away from football, but the cowboys are an exception due to jessica simpson's presence. does it help if i say i liked tom landry alot?
p.s. long time packers fan, but brett is in my doghouse.

Posted by: janet finds ep very funny | August 20, 2008 1:15 PM | Report abuse

Just as long as the Cowboys beat the Redskins (right Bawlmer).

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 1:20 PM | Report abuse

A roving monkey recently wreaked havoc in a Tokyo train station when 100 policemen armed with nets failed to catch him
****
score one for the monkey
***
Bigfoot was just a rubber suit.
the stupid gene at work.
***
A Puerto Rican man has been granted his wish to remain standing — even in death.

A funeral home used a special embalming treatment to keep the corpse of 24-year-old Angel Pantoja Medina standing upright for his three-day wake
does anyone else consider this a little odd? and he even had his yankees hat on. as a red sox fan, i take umbrage w/that.

Posted by: janet wonders if this counts as celebrity news or is it just a really slow day? | August 20, 2008 1:22 PM | Report abuse

janet,

thanks for insightful news updates.

I especially liked the one about the monkey. Scamp!

Posted by: Curmudgeon is a newshound | August 20, 2008 1:31 PM | Report abuse

Umm, Sunny, I wasn't talking about Gary Glitter at all. I was refering to Avril getting the boot. Indonesia in particular has done the "You can't play here becuase we say so" thing a bunch of times before.

Gary got himself booted from Vietnam anyway.

Posted by: EricS | August 20, 2008 1:32 PM | Report abuse

The subway monkey made me think of this.

I can't watch it at work, but on youtube there are videos of practice drills from the Tokyo zoo where zoo officials try to catch an escaped "animal", by which I mean some guy in a monkey suit (or a zebra suit depending on the year).

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 1:34 PM | Report abuse

Just as long as the Cowboys beat the Redskins (right Bawlmer).

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 1:20 PM

Gasp!

Posted by: Sully's seeing red. | August 20, 2008 1:43 PM | Report abuse

janet!

Wait a minute! The BigFoot was just a rubber suit? What?? They didn't really capture BigFoot in Georgia?

Woah.

Well, I guess Sasquatch's brother-in-law has gotten away again. And he still owes Sasquatch two dead squirrels, a branch of huckleberries, a weeks-old basket of tomatoes, and $5.

Owe the humanity!

Posted by: Curmudgeon reads janet's post again and gasps | August 20, 2008 1:44 PM | Report abuse

The bronze Fonz is just scary. You would think they would have hired an artist who had actually seen Happy Days and/or Henry Winkler at least once.

Posted by: jes | August 20, 2008 1:47 PM | Report abuse

EricS, sorry for the confusion! By way of explanation, since your comment at 10:06 appeared to be in response to Dorkus' comment about Gary Glitter, and I don't think Avril was mentioned anywhere in there, I just thought you were still talking about Gary Glitter. And you are correct that he was banished from Vietnam, but if you check out the linked story above, you will see that he has also been banned from Thailand, where that story took place.

Posted by: sunnydaze tries to dispel the confusion | August 20, 2008 1:48 PM | Report abuse

dw- is it a Magic Bus? Or just a regular bus? And another one gone and another one gone and another one rides the (Ohh Ahh Magic) bus.

So, I am just wondering, does it make it harded to play football if you are in love (or whatever) with a blonde bombshell? I mean is it specifically Jessica Simpson that raises the objection? Or would it be ok if this Tony guy dated some other actress/poptart/celebritant? Is it that he's dating a famous girl rather than a regular old girl, or that he's dating at all?

Posted by: sunnydaze | August 20, 2008 1:55 PM | Report abuse

whew! that should be *harder* not harded...more coffee stat!

Posted by: sunnydaze | August 20, 2008 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Ahh, s'ok.

Hadn't heard he was booted from Thailand to. I was always under the impression it was dang near impossible to get yoruself banned from Thailand. Maybe the military government is actually doign somethign abotu all that?

Oh, and Dave's posts from following the Jonas Brothers around were hilarious! Ahh, teen idols, you annoy me so.

Posted by: EricS | August 20, 2008 1:59 PM | Report abuse

I like this closing line to the article on the Fonzie statue: "Ron Howard, who played Richie Cunningham, was filming a movie and wasn't able to make it."

Get over Opie, working. Sheesh. Why would he come anyway, considering no one was presenting a Ritchie statue? No one pointed out the absence of Marion Ross, Erin Moran, or anyone else in the cast.

I know that Henry Winkler is also successful in his own right, but 2008 seems a bit late to go all Philadelphia/Rocky. Is Wisconsin tourism down?

Should Milwaukee prepare to receive a similar set of Laverne and Shirleys?

Posted by: td says schlemiel, schlemazzle | August 20, 2008 1:59 PM | Report abuse

sunnydaze, I think it's specifically Jessica Simpson since he has not played as well since their hookup. I don't think Carrie Underwood jinxed him. Since I am definitely not a fan of the Cowgirls I hope they have a long relationship.

Posted by: jes | August 20, 2008 2:00 PM | Report abuse

Wait a minute! The BigFoot was just a rubber suit? What?? They didn't really capture BigFoot in Georgia?
****
i know, very disappointing. but it fits nicely into my stupid gene theory. the male stupid gene is behavioral (witness "let me pay lots of money for bigfoot w/o seeing it", rolling w/laughter still) and the female's is emotional (a la judge judy "why did you loan him your credit card? i love him, judge judy").

Posted by: janet weeps for sasquatch | August 20, 2008 2:03 PM | Report abuse

td says schlemiel, schlemazzle
****
thank you oh so very much. i now have that theme song coursing through my frontal lobes.

Posted by: janet contemplates harm to td | August 20, 2008 2:06 PM | Report abuse

thank you oh so very much. i now have that theme song coursing through my frontal lobes.

Posted by: janet contemplates harm to td | August 20, 2008 2:06 PM
---
HA! Someone else's turn. I do feel for you janet, but I say again, it's better than Elmer Fudd singing, "Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit..."

Posted by: sunnydaze | August 20, 2008 2:10 PM | Report abuse

Grateful as I am for finally getting that Jonathan Edwards song out of my head, did it have to be replaced by Heart and Soul?

And there's SlyRockyRambo in voice-over: "There's a little bit of Crack Baby in all of us."

Posted by: ADHD wants it to stop! mak it stop! | August 20, 2008 2:12 PM | Report abuse

Ahem, sunnydaze, Whaaaaat would you want with a waaabbit?

Posted by: Dorkus who loves the Rabbit of Seville | August 20, 2008 2:14 PM | Report abuse

So the endless loop zombies got janet too?

Owe the humanity...

Posted by: ADHD | August 20, 2008 2:18 PM | Report abuse

The fact that they brought the 4 x 100M freestyle relay late at night is evidence of nothing. the race was live. it was close to noon in beijing. its not like they were going to delay it and broadcast it the next day. i actually like the guy. he's a tremendous athlete but the way they fawn over him you would think some of the presenters like jim lampley are gay and in love with him.

Posted by: Rohan | August 20, 2008 12:47 PM

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 2:20 PM | Report abuse

Are talking about the same Jim Lampley who plead No Contest to felony domestic violence?

Posted by: what a tool! | August 20, 2008 2:28 PM | Report abuse

Yes, janet, the "stupid gene"; or as my favorite novelist calls it, "testosterone poisoning".

Posted by: Curmudgeon is glad she has no Y chromosome | August 20, 2008 2:32 PM | Report abuse

pleaded, or pled.

Posted by: oops! | August 20, 2008 2:32 PM | Report abuse

Yes, janet, the "stupid gene"; or as my favorite novelist calls it, "testosterone poisoning".

Posted by: Curmudgeon is glad she has no Y chromosome | August 20, 2008 2:32 PM

*************************************

Not too get too deep into this issue, but Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne don't make having two X chromosomes all that appealing either.

Posted by: Dorkus loves his Y chromosome, but also likes a good pair of double X's | August 20, 2008 2:36 PM | Report abuse

Diet pills? I thought Posh was just anorexic.

I don't really think Jon Voight should throw the word "psychopath" around, considering who his daughter is. He was right on with the comment about her having mental issues. Just b/c they're friends again doesn't mean she's not nuttier than squirrel poop.

If Ralph Nader hands us another Republican president ...

I can't even finish that sentence.

Posted by: Californian | August 20, 2008 2:42 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus,

Is double X a new *shoe* size?

You're correct about Roseanne and Rosie. But I think they both sometimes suffer from testosterone poisoning, too.

BTW, loved your Bangkok commentatum. Does this mean that congratulations are in order on your new matrimonial state or on your fine choice in friends?

Also, Bangkok: unfortunate name for that city, what.

Posted by: Curmudgeon thinks again | August 20, 2008 2:44 PM | Report abuse

Washington, D.C.: Male, 46-yo attorney. I need to buy some business suits. 2 or 3 button? No pleats, right? Cuffs or no? Thanks.

Janet Bennett Kelly: I'd go with two-button unless you're very slim. No pleats, please and no cuffs.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 2:50 PM | Report abuse

Alexandria, Va: I know you keep telling men no pleats, but could you start telling women to buy shoes that fit? If you wear a size ten shoe you can't "get away with" a 9 in an open back or thong. It is really gross your feet hanging over the shoe!

Janet Bennett Kelly: I heartily agree, Alexandria. In addition to how it looks, it's also a no-no for the health of your feet to squeeze your tootsies into too-small shoes.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 2:53 PM | Report abuse

I know I'm overreacting, but I'm irked by the Miley Cyrus thing. I *really* hate being preached to by celebs about, well, anything. I know they have a right to their opinions, and I think many of them truly are well-meaning in their beliefs and the causes they support, but their proselytizing to the ignorant masses just rankles.

Most of us are doing the best we can day in and day out--we're already trying trying to lead good lives, earn livings, take care of our families, volunteer in our communities, and recycle, etc. Why would we need/want another overprivileged, undereducated, clueless celeb who wouldn't know how much a gallon of milk costs at the grocery store tell us how we should be leading our lives? A 15-year-old, live-at-home celeb at that.

Sheesh.

Posted by: alex needs to carm down now | August 20, 2008 2:57 PM | Report abuse

Well 'Mudge I do tend to surround myself with good friends but sadly my matrimonial state has returned to a more, hmm let's see, reduced state of one at his point.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 2:58 PM | Report abuse

You're correct about Roseanne and Rosie. But I think they both sometimes suffer from testosterone poisoning, too.

*****

Nancy Grace, too. That woman is scary. Can you image all three of them in a locked room together?

Posted by: alex | August 20, 2008 3:03 PM | Report abuse

"Can you image all three of them in a locked room together?"

Doing this might take care of two of the three. I wonder which one would survive.

Posted by: mouse | August 20, 2008 3:06 PM | Report abuse

oooooooooooooo, alex.

Rosie, Rosanne, and Nancy? Cats in a bag.

Maybe we should throw in some fresh meat: Clay Aiken and Candy Spelling.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 20, 2008 3:07 PM | Report abuse

That would make for an interesting "Who would you like to see locked in a room together?" thread, wouldn't it . . .

Posted by: Curmudgeon rubs the sides of her chin with forfinger and thumb | August 20, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

Jessica Simpson falls in the "put that down everyone knows where its been category." However, I think Tony would be distracted by anyone at this point. The Carrie Underwood relationship was too short to gather any data on (that hussy Jessica moved in right quick). He needs to concentrate on football. Once he gets winning again, then he can date. Maybe.

Posted by: ep | August 20, 2008 3:14 PM | Report abuse

Ron Paul, RuPaul and Larry King!

I don't know why these 3 should be locked in a room but I think we would have 2 heart attacks in the first undressin---er--minute!

Posted by: My vote! | August 20, 2008 3:16 PM | Report abuse

thanks for clearing that up for me Jes and ep. not being much of a football fan, I just couldn't follow whether it was this girl or all girls.
Now give me some ACC college basketball, a six pack and get out of the way!

Posted by: sunnydaze says everybody but Duke! | August 20, 2008 3:29 PM | Report abuse

td, if I'm so damn funny, how come I couldn't come up with a single good caption for yesterday's Suri picture?

You know why? Because I know real, live two year old girls. They say nothing particularly interesting, except when they parrot their parents at inopportune times. But none of that sets up as a good snarkable gag.

I could only think that what she was really saying was that it was time to give baby a bath, as she headed straight for the only water source that is exactly at her height--the toilet. And in goes the $55 Penelope Peapod from FAO Schwartz.

There's no punchline here. Nothing snark-worthy. Perhaps my plight proved Liz's point in the first place. Suri = no snark.

Now when she turns 17 and films a "let's go green" video with her best friend, THEN, I'll snark.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 20, 2008 3:32 PM | Report abuse

Well, then entire company is gathering in the conference room directly across from my office and eating their ice cream, so I think I'm out for the day. ep, I'll be sure to get an extra helping of Amy's for you.

Posted by: Dorkus | August 20, 2008 3:36 PM | Report abuse

Yo MoCo, carm down honey!
You ARE funny (deny it all you want, we all know better) except when you forget to breath. Deep breath in, hold it, now let it all out...repeat as needed.

Posted by: sunnydaze | August 20, 2008 3:37 PM | Report abuse

And MoCo, you've just proved my point. Again. THIS is genius:

"I could only think that what she was really saying was that it was time to give baby a bath, as she headed straight for the only water source that is exactly at her height--the toilet. And in goes the $55 Penelope Peapod from FAO Schwartz."

Posted by: td's daughter also was two years old once | August 20, 2008 3:37 PM | Report abuse

How many "Crack Babies" did Guy Ritchie have to consume before he declared his love for Madonna?

And did he sound just like minister in "Princess Bride" when he did?

And how many "Crack Babies" did it take for Lourdes' piano playing to sound like Liberace's?

When the fancy night club makes these "Crack Babies," do they use the top shelf stuff or are they mixing up the rot gut?

And finally, how many of these little cocktails did Lourdes and Rocco (remember Rocco?) secretly down over the course of the evening?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky, curious | August 20, 2008 3:40 PM | Report abuse

ADHD...I COMPLETELY MISSED the connection between Sly Stalone's vodka and the "Crack Baby" cocktail!!!!

You know, more than two of those and you'd be pushing baby Suri out of the way of the toilet.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky, ashamed... | August 20, 2008 3:44 PM | Report abuse

- he majored in Sports Management at the University of Michigan (didn't graduate yet from what I understand)

In other words, Phelps is qualified to be a glorified poolboy once his swimming days are over.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 3:29 PM


I'm sure AB wants Phelps to be his personal "pool boy."

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 3:50 PM

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 3:51 PM | Report abuse

Liz, please delete posts like 3:51 PM that are copy/paste jobs from OP.

Posted by: exasperated celebritology regular | August 20, 2008 3:55 PM | Report abuse

Are talking about the same Jim Lampley who plead No Contest to felony domestic violence?

****
yes, indeedy. those wacko announcers like lampley and marv albert never go away.

Posted by: janet | August 20, 2008 3:58 PM | Report abuse

Wonder who Jim Lampley and Marv Albert are endorsing for president.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 4:02 PM | Report abuse

In other words, Phelps is qualified to be a glorified poolboy once his swimming days are over.
***
a very, very, very wealthy poolboy w/great abs and a sweet disposition. his mother seems very grounded. she's a school administrator. his sisters seem together. my money is on this kid staying on track. when one has a supportive and loving family, things go much better. besides, kellogg's outbid wheaties for the cereal box cover. what do you suppose it took $$$$$$$ to do that?
p.s. ms. spears is considering another mtv reality show altho' her parents are strongly opposed. she thinks it will make it easier to get her children back if she does such a show.

Posted by: janet roots for michael phelps | August 20, 2008 4:03 PM | Report abuse

Wonder who Jim Lampley and Marv Albert are endorsing for president
***
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Posted by: janet is impressed w/the riposte | August 20, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

"Can you image all three of them in a locked room together?"

Doing this might take care of two of the three. I wonder which one would survive.

Posted by: mouse | August 20, 2008 3:06 PM

*******

My money's on Scary Nancy. I think her eyes glow in the dark. There's some possible demon possession going on there. Roseanne would be the runner-up. She'd get in a few good shots, but she's not as young and fit as Nancy. Rosie is all mouth; she'd be the first one down, crying all the while.

Posted by: alex will hold the bets | August 20, 2008 4:22 PM | Report abuse

Finally, the consensus seems to be:

Rosanne = Rosie O'Donnell

And we're all sick of both.

Posted by: Amelia | August 20, 2008 4:25 PM | Report abuse

shhh, janet. Don't feed the OP cut-n-paste trolls even to defend Michael Phelps. I'm hoping if we ignore them they'll quit doing this celinedion. If we wanted to read OP, we'd go over there.

Posted by: alex begs janet not to waste her time even for MP | August 20, 2008 4:26 PM | Report abuse

Don't feed the OP cut-n-paste trolls
***
ok, i missed that. didn't realize that was what was going on. now alert to the situation.

Posted by: janet thanks alex for the heads up | August 20, 2008 4:33 PM | Report abuse

Liz, please delete posts like 3:51 PM that are copy/paste jobs from OP.

Posted by: exasperated celebritology regular | August 20, 2008 3:55 PM


Liz, please delete the sanctimonious "celeb regular" blowhard's 3:55 comment. He/she/it thinks so highly of themselves and believes he/she/it can decide what belongs on the blog or not.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

Alice - keep in mind in your criticism of teachers that Debbie Phelps was a... teacher! (She's now the Principal of Windsor Mill Middle School in Baltimore County - see http://schools.bcps.org/schools/cms/windsor_mill/principal.htm for her bio.)


Whatever, most teachers are people who can't do anything else and I second the thought of "do you ever shut up"

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 4:28 PM

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

I heart inherent contradictions.

Posted by: Sully | August 20, 2008 4:40 PM | Report abuse

Liz, please delete the 4:36 PM copy-and-paste (and others) from OP.

Posted by: celeb regular | August 20, 2008 4:41 PM | Report abuse

Any person who thinks putting their kids in a reality show is a good idea should automatically lose custody -- FOREVER.

If Britney thinks putting on a reality show would help get the kids back, her recovery is not as far along as we had hoped.

Posted by: ep | August 20, 2008 4:42 PM | Report abuse

And really, what we all want to know is when we watch Britney's new reality show, how many "Crack Babies," made with Sly Stalone's vodka, will it take before we are convinced she should get full custody?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 20, 2008 4:52 PM | Report abuse

Liz, please delete the sanctimonious "celeb regular" blowhard's 4:41 comment.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 4:36 PM

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 4:54 PM | Report abuse

If there was any question as to whether Ricky Martin was geigh, I think I doubts have been put to rest.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/20/AR2008082002352.html?hpid=entnews

Posted by: Breaking Celebrity News | August 20, 2008 4:56 PM | Report abuse

Although unlike you I'm not sanctimonious, I fully expect (and have no objection) that Liz will delete my requests at the same time she deletes your copy-and-paste troll droppings.

Posted by: to Anonymous at 4:54 PM | August 20, 2008 5:05 PM | Report abuse

Interesting about Ricky Martin, but I think if anyone did have any lingering doubts (how could they?) they were certainly dispelled by those pix of him frolicking on the beach with his pal.

Seriously, wonder why he doesn't just come out with it at this point? I really don't think it would hurt his career since everyone has known or suspected for so long. And he could just live his life openly like Lance Bass.

http://socialitelife.celebuzz.com/archive/2005/12/27/ricky_martin_frolics_on_the_beach.php

Posted by: alex | August 20, 2008 5:13 PM | Report abuse

RE: Ricky Martin

"gestational surrogacy"????

Posted by: Curmudgeon wonders if Clay Aiken gave him the number | August 20, 2008 5:18 PM | Report abuse

In the Fonzie statue story, why is Christopher Walken next to Henry Winkler in the picture? And where's the statue?

Posted by: mike | August 20, 2008 5:19 PM | Report abuse

In the Fonzie statue story, why is Christopher Walken next to Henry Winkler in the picture? And where's the statue?

Posted by: mike | August 20, 2008 5:19 PM
===========
And why does Christopher Walken look so much like Harry Shearer? Is he on the Botox?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 20, 2008 5:23 PM | Report abuse

RE: Ricky Martin

"gestational surrogacy"????

Posted by: Curmudgeon wonders if Clay Aiken gave him the number | August 20, 2008 5:18 PM
===========
And Clay said "Ricky don't lose that number. You don't have to call nobody else..."

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | August 20, 2008 5:27 PM | Report abuse

MoCo -

hahahahahahahaha

hey, wait.

Now I have that song in my head.

Posted by: Curmudgeon gets down with her own head | August 20, 2008 5:29 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for the earwig, MoCo. Arrgh!

Posted by: hermespal | August 20, 2008 5:33 PM | Report abuse


Rosie, Rosanne, and Nancy? Cats in a bag.

Maybe we should throw in some fresh meat: Clay Aiken and Candy Spelling.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 20, 2008 3:07 PM

That would make for an interesting "Who would you like to see locked in a room together?" thread, wouldn't it . . .

Posted by: Curmudgeon rubs the sides of her chin with forfinger and thumb | August 20, 2008 3:09 PM

Celebrity Death Match!

Posted by: b | August 20, 2008 5:41 PM | Report abuse

That's even more hilarious since someone mentioned here (see? blogs ARE good!) that Steely Dan worked with Clay Aiken on his last CD. MoCo rules!

Posted by: td sends it off in a letter to himself | August 20, 2008 5:44 PM | Report abuse

b,

exactly!

we could "virtually" get rid of all sorts of tiresome celebrities without having to over-crowd the Lizard Island Manhattan Project.

Owe the humanity?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | August 20, 2008 5:46 PM | Report abuse

Clay to Ricky: "You tell yourself you're not my kind. But you dont even know your mind.
And you could have a change of heart."


Posted by: MoCoSnarky...picking at the scab s'more! | August 20, 2008 5:59 PM | Report abuse

Celebrity Death Match?

Hey, just accuse the unwanted celeb of a heinous crime (preferably against a child) and then throw tehm in the pit (er, room) one-by-one with Nancy. She'd polish them all off in no time. Heck, some of them might even do themselves in ahead of time just to avoid the grisly matchup. Nancy takes no prisoners.

Posted by: alex is getting morbid | August 20, 2008 6:00 PM | Report abuse

You guys are really onto something with the Steely Dan song! Is it perfect, or what?

Posted by: alex | August 20, 2008 6:04 PM | Report abuse


Liz, please delete posts like 3:51 PM that are copy/paste jobs from OP.

Posted by: exasperated celebritology regular | August 20, 2008 3:55 PM

=============--------------============------======

As if they are any more insipid or bizarre as some comments here? (The future of Democrazy depends solely upon Brad and Angela publicly endorsing Obama.)

Posted by: ??? | August 20, 2008 6:11 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for mentioning the new Nationwide commercial featuring Sanjaya. Just wanted to let you know that the commercial is now live at Nationwide.com.

http://www.nationwide.com/about-us/ads-multicultural.jsp

We have also just launched a website that allows you to try Sanjaya's unique style for yourself. You upload your photo, then you choose hairstyles, clothing and accessories. At the end, your Sanjaya-ized avatar sings and dances to music from the commercial.

You can see mine here:
http://www.sanjaya-ize.com/?f=144&h=2&o=0&a=1

Or create your own:
http://www.sanjaya-ize.com

We're eager to hear what you think.

Posted by: sMoRTy71 | August 20, 2008 6:18 PM | Report abuse

sMoRTy71, hate to break it to you, but it wasn't posted out of love for the Sanjaya fan base, it was posted so we could snark on it. Its kinda what we do around here.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 20, 2008 6:25 PM | Report abuse

Roseanne, please do me a favor. Keep your opinion to yourself.

Andy

Posted by: Andy | August 20, 2008 8:21 PM | Report abuse

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