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Posted at 6:51 AM ET, 09/17/2008

Morning Mix: Amy Poehler Leaving 'SNL'

By Liz Kelly
Wednesday

Headlines: Amy Poehler leaving "Saturday Night Live"... Brad Pitt named most dangerous online celebrity... Barbra Streisand helps Obama campaign raise $9 million... Scarlett Johansson visits AIDS clinics in Rwanda... Gwyneth Paltrow says she just can't diet... Rumer Willis to guest star on "CSI: NY"... The Jonas Brothers claim they date fans... Ryan Seacrest accuses Simon Cowell of Botox-ing... Serena Williams serving up memoir in 2009... Katie Holmes tries out another bad denim look... David Gest regrets having plastic surgery.

Rumor Mill: Purported new Britney Spears single leaked online... Rapper Nate Dogg recovering from second stroke... Ben Affleck set to return to director's chair... Amy Winehouse's husband rejects early release terms, stays in prison.

Say What?
"When you say teenage, how old do you mean?" -- R. Kelly when asked during a BET interview if he has a weakness for teenaged girls.

By Liz Kelly  | September 17, 2008; 6:51 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: 2008 Lizzies Fan Art Competition

Comments

Yesterday he was half of the "most powerful" duo, today he's "most dangerous." Brad Pitt, stop hogging all the glory!


The Jonas Brothers say "fans," we say "groupies," and Grand Funk Railroad says, "Sweet, sweet Connie was doin' her act/She had the whole show and that's an actual fact."


I guess Ben Affleck's movie completes his picture deal at Disney, then. Last year, there was "Gone, Baby, Gone," and back in '93 there was "I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal at Disney." (No, that REALLY was the title.)


It has to mean something when you choose daily buggerings, knife fights, living in a cage over going back to married life with Amy Winehouse.

Posted by: byoolin | September 17, 2008 7:56 AM | Report abuse

A David Gest screen saver. Now THAT would be dangerous!!!

Posted by: possum | September 17, 2008 8:08 AM | Report abuse

Katie needs a leetle workout for that poouchy little belly she have.

Posted by: Stick | September 17, 2008 8:09 AM | Report abuse

If I were Amy Winehouse's husband I'd be refusing to leave jail too.

Imagine the scene:

fire burns from the upper decks, sirens wail, inmates rattle their bars, learing guards tap their billies in a threatening manner... Slowly he shambles (a nod to his band name) down the wide open path to freedom, a beat down unjustly accused inmate finally released from hell.

As he makes his way out of the prison gates a breeze blows across his face, he lifts his head as the sun graces his face, a slight smile of relief passes his lips.

There in the distance a shadow... slowly the bars to the final gate begin to open. The shadow emerges, gaunt, scabby, ratty, white powder under her nose, tracks on her veiny bony arms, a snaggle toothed smile as the last of her beehive falls out of her head in defeat, she is wearing the same damn ballet slippers she was wearing the day he went in. She lurches forward drunkenly, stonedly, starvedly, zombiedly... "dahhhling, mummy's been busy while you've been away"...

He screams in abject fear and tries to run back in to the prison but the guards have already closed the gate behind him, guns drawn they too have a look of fear in their eyes. He collapses in despair...

- fin

Posted by: LTL | September 17, 2008 8:18 AM | Report abuse

Was anyone else totally disappointed in that snore of a chat with Chelsea Handler? I really want to blame it on the medium. Amy Sedaris was only slightly better.

Posted by: atb | September 17, 2008 8:43 AM | Report abuse

You know, what is the obsession with Katie Holmes' jeans? Compare to some of the cr@p other famous women are wearing, cuffed and/or holy jeans are hardly THAT heinous.

She's in NY. Working with some serious stage actors. Prepping for an Arthur Miller play that opens to review performances on B'way TOMORROW. She probably just wants to be comfortable and has other things on her mind than what fashion-obsessed America thinks she should be wearing.

She would not be the only woman in America who finds it difficult and confusing to find a pair of jeans to wear, by the way. Bootcut Jeans. Skinny Jeans. Classic Jeans. Low Rise Jeans. Boy Cut Jeans.

While she looks too skinny and the Scientology thing is scary, she's not flashing her privates in public, she's neatly groomed, and she's not making stupid political statements or putting the smack down on paparazzi. Let her have her skinny, ripped jeans or her baggy, cuffed jeans, for God's sake. Makes her look human.

Posted by: Chasmosaur | September 17, 2008 8:44 AM | Report abuse

LOL @ R. Kelly. Let's just hope he's wondering if 18-19 still counts as teenagers. And it's a pity to hear Gwynnie can't diet, but at least she's got bulimia to fall back on.

Posted by: 23112 | September 17, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

LTL's little mise-en-scène has captured the very essence of 'dystopia.'

Now if only we can get Creative Arts Emmy Award Winner Sarah Silverman to play Ms. Winehouse in the film.

Posted by: byoolin has always wanted to direct. | September 17, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

You know, what is the obsession with Katie Holmes' jeans? Compare to some of the cr@p other famous women are wearing, cuffed and/or holy jeans are hardly THAT heinous.

She's in NY. Working with some serious stage actors. Prepping for an Arthur Miller play that opens to review performances on B'way TOMORROW. She probably just wants to be comfortable and has other things on her mind than what fashion-obsessed America thinks she should be wearing.

She would not be the only woman in America who finds it difficult and confusing to find a pair of jeans to wear, by the way. Bootcut Jeans. Skinny Jeans. Classic Jeans. Low Rise Jeans. Boy Cut Jeans.

While she looks too skinny and the Scientology thing is scary, she's not flashing her privates in public, she's neatly groomed, and she's not making stupid political statements or putting the smack down on paparazzi. Let her have her skinny, ripped jeans or her baggy, cuffed jeans, for God's sake. Makes her look human.

Posted by: Chasmosaur | September 17, 2008 8:44 AM

thanks for sharing luvkatie!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 17, 2008 9:05 AM | Report abuse

Sorry Liz, I rather like this denim look on Katie. Not everyone can pull this look off but I think Katie does a good job. It's laid-back and stylish. The holes are not too big, the straight legs jeans are not are not too tight, and the short haircut complements the overall look. This look is much better SJP's poor attempt. Katie gets an "A" from me.

Posted by: Lisa1 | September 17, 2008 9:06 AM | Report abuse

In the future R.Kelly, when asked about your penchant for teenaged girls, please respond "of course not!!" with a wink and a smirk. We all know what you mean anyway.

Posted by: Peebles | September 17, 2008 9:21 AM | Report abuse

Hmm...just checked my email, Brad Pitt apparently needs my help transferring money out of Nigeria. He says if I help him he'll send me nude pics of Angelina. Should I respond?

Gwyneth can't stick to a diet, well at least she has something in common with Oprah.

Katie's jeans wouldn't be so bad it they didn't do the bunchy thing at the bottom. Did I really just say "bunchy thing"?


Posted by: Dorkus | September 17, 2008 9:23 AM | Report abuse

From the linked article re Katie Holmes' jeans, "she turns out today in a tatty pair of hole-riddled denims she might have picked up from a thrift shop. No doubt they cost her a few bucks..."

Or maybe some designer charged her a fortune for them, cuz there's one born every minute.


Barbra Streisand helps Obama campaign raise $9 million...

McCain's mockery just sounds like sour grapes. Presumably his campaign can muster a group of musicians to play for a fundraiser for him, too.


Amy Poehler leaving "Saturday Night Live"

What, she's not going to be back on the job just three days after giving birth like Tina Fey, I mean Sarah Palin?


LTL, that's a brilliant Winehouse scenario. I'm in awe!

Posted by: Nosy Parker buys her jeans new, then wears them them till they wear out | September 17, 2008 9:26 AM | Report abuse

Should read: buys her jeans new, then wears them till they wear out

Posted by: Nosy Parker | September 17, 2008 9:27 AM | Report abuse

Speaking of bad plastic surgery --

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/09/16/film.mickey.rourke.ap/index.html

Posted by: tiny | September 17, 2008 9:33 AM | Report abuse

I have to agree with Lisa1 and Chasmosaur, Katie looks ok in those jeans, and it is better then what 99% of actresses wear nowadays.

Posted by: DW | September 17, 2008 9:34 AM | Report abuse

I wanted to post this yesterday but was having some computer problems. Better late than never.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G9uGPQsVNk

Posted by: Ricky Gervais | September 17, 2008 9:36 AM | Report abuse

Can't wait to see the racist rant that Serena will spew in her "memoir". Give me a break.

Posted by: Alex | September 17, 2008 9:37 AM | Report abuse

From the R Kelly article: "I have some 19-year-old friends, but I don't like anyone illegal if that's what we are talking about, underage."

Can someone please explain to me how a 19 year old and a 41 year old can be "friends"? Or is "friends" code for sleeping with and buying them beer?

Posted by: Osteph | September 17, 2008 9:38 AM | Report abuse

Rumer Willis to guest star on "CSI: NY"...
playing the part of Bruce Willis' chin.

Posted by: M Street | September 17, 2008 9:46 AM | Report abuse

The Jonas Brothers weren't very specific on the gender of the fans were they?

Posted by: yellojkt | September 17, 2008 9:46 AM | Report abuse

Another gem from R. Kelly: "If you were charged with something and found innocent, then you can't be found guilty for being found innocent." uh...

And why is Nate Dogg having strokes? This is his second now, he's on a breathing tube and sedated, they don't know if he has brain damage, and he may be paralyzed. What is going on? It's fairly uncommon to just have a stroke out of the blue for an otherwise healthy youngish man, right?

Posted by: rachelt | September 17, 2008 9:46 AM | Report abuse

R. Kelly also announced that his next album will be titled - Bangkok Holiday.

Posted by: M Street | September 17, 2008 9:49 AM | Report abuse

It's fairly uncommon to just have a stroke out of the blue for an otherwise healthy youngish man, right?

Assuming good health otherwise, strokes in youngish people can be a consequence of cocaine usage.

Posted by: not a doctor | September 17, 2008 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Serena is racist?

Posted by: confused | September 17, 2008 9:51 AM | Report abuse

Am I the only one who finds it ridiculous that Ryan Seacrest is calling someone else out on being obsessed with how they look?

Posted by: Dorkus | September 17, 2008 9:53 AM | Report abuse

Wow, I never knew the Jonas Brothers and R Kelly had anything in common. That'll show me.

I dare the Jonas boys to try and top Motely Crue's groupie antics, heheheh.

Posted by: EricS | September 17, 2008 9:53 AM | Report abuse

I'm not a doctor either, but I had a friend in high school, non-drug user cross country runner, who had a stroke right after graduation. He made a full recovery thankfully. It is rare, but it can happen.

Posted by: Dorkus | September 17, 2008 9:57 AM | Report abuse

And why is Nate Dogg having strokes? This is his second now, he's on a breathing tube and sedated, they don't know if he has brain damage, and he may be paralyzed. What is going on? It's fairly uncommon to just have a stroke out of the blue for an otherwise healthy youngish man, right?

Posted by: rachelt | September 17, 2008 9:46 AM

drugs?
AIDS?
alcohol?
promiscuity?

Posted by: pupu | September 17, 2008 10:05 AM | Report abuse

LTL - scriptwriter? The writing is vivid and hilarious. However, whenever Mr. Winehouse is released, I will picture this exact reunion with his lady.

Katie's jeans look cute - but the shoes are dumb. She does look depressed - maybe that's a fairly grueling schedule compared to making TV shows?

R. Kelly sounds like he wants to confess...to something.

Posted by: Amelia | September 17, 2008 10:10 AM | Report abuse

I'm with y'all on Katie's jeans looking fine. They fit well. And, oh yeah, they aren't pegged.

Posted by: other liz | September 17, 2008 10:14 AM | Report abuse

Isn't Simon Cowell on record as a Botox fan?
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20181478,00.html
Kind of makes Seacrest look even sillier than usual.

Posted by: ol | September 17, 2008 10:26 AM | Report abuse

Katie looks tired, she is probably working very hard. But couldn't her stylist give her five easy outfits for when she is tired and doesn't want to think about what to wear? Anyway, if I had a stylist, that is what I'd want her or him to do -- there are more days when I'm tired and pressed for time than big red carpet events.

Work computer won't let me view the David Gest thing -- is his latest facelift THAT bad???

Posted by: 44west | September 17, 2008 10:31 AM | Report abuse

I worked with a guy who was a little (well, maybe a little more than a little) overweight and prone to temper. Stressed at work. Late 30s, he and his wife trying to adopt. He had a stroke out of the blue one morning. Survived, pretty much full recovery, but the docs told him "cut the stress and lose weight or this will happen again." You don't have to be elderly or obese to have cardiovascular issues.

Posted by: 23112 | September 17, 2008 10:37 AM | Report abuse

Okay, Katie gets a pass on the jeans -- because Chamosaur has a point. At least everything is covered. And buying jeans is complicated. Why, I don't know. They're jeans for goodness sakes.

R.Kelly should be the most dangerous online celebrity. Just ewwwww how he said that. Yes, 18 and 19 are still technically teenagers. But, he knew darn well what the question meant.

So much for those purity rings the Jonas Brothers wear. They are really just little John Mayers.

Posted by: ep | September 17, 2008 10:37 AM | Report abuse

Obama camp nixes LiLo - Controversial actress' offer to host campaign events gets a quick 'thanks, but no thanks' from strategists
http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/zwecker/1167580,CST-FTR-zp17.article
BY BILL ZWECKER Sun-Times Columnist

On the heels of blasting John McCain's selection of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, Lindsay Lohan reportedly got a bit of a jolt from an unexpected quarter: the Obama-Biden campaign.

Apparently, LiLo was interested in becoming very involved in the Democratic ticket's bid for the White House -- even offering to host a series of events appealing to younger voters.

However, a top source in the Barack Obama team tells me the actress ''is not exactly the kind of high-profile star who would be a positive for us.''

Given Lohan's past problems, plus ongoing brushes with controversy, I've learned the campaign quietly told the actress ''thanks, but no thanks,'' but in far more diplomatic terms.

Lohan has been invited to attend several of the big Hollywood bashes this week -- and also pay big bucks for the privilege of rubbing shoulders with the likes of Barbra Streisand, Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and other high-profile Hollywood boosters of the Obama campaign.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 17, 2008 10:41 AM | Report abuse

I'm sitting on my hands because the comment removal tool is currently on the fritz. As soon as it is back, I'm jumping in.

Posted by: Liz Kelly | September 17, 2008 10:42 AM | Report abuse

Amy Poehler leaving "Saturday Night Live"... Get off that sinking ship before the lifeboats are gone!

Gwyneth Paltrow says she just can't diet... Doesn't she only weigh like 50 pounds?

The Jonas Brothers claim they date fans... Can you blame them????

Serena Williams serving up memoir in 2009... The Williams sisters are tremendous tennis players, but come on... This girl hasn't been around enough to write a memoir. At her age, it's bound to be more of a short story.

Katie Holmes tries out another bad denim look... She used to be really cute, but since the whole TomKat thing started... She is starting to look like "Mini-Posh"

Amy Winehouse's husband rejects early release terms, stays in prison... Can you really blame the guy? Given the choice between prison and Amy Winehouse, prison might actually be the best choice.

"When you say teenage, how old do you mean?" -- R. Kelly's dating pool begins at 13.

Posted by: Brutal is bored to tears at work today! | September 17, 2008 10:43 AM | Report abuse

Thanks for the compliments folks...

Posted by: LTL promptly removes herself from contention for an emmy | September 17, 2008 10:53 AM | Report abuse

Or is "friends" code for sleeping with and buying them beer?

Posted by: Osteph | September 17, 2008 9:38 AM

****

Beer first, I think.

Posted by: byoolin invokes the 'order of operations' concept from grade 4 math class. | September 17, 2008 10:59 AM | Report abuse

What R. Kelly was asking was if a 13 year old can be counted as a teenager yet. Because, yeah, teen is in the number and all, but really that's still more on the pre-teen side. Anything more than that is getting a bit long in the tooth for him.

Posted by: Ra the Funktress | September 17, 2008 11:03 AM | Report abuse

I forgot to add in my descriptor that she has a mouse in her pocket and it is ready to mate with his spool chasing mouse named Mr. Bambyshingles...

(cousin to Mr. Jingles from Shawshank Redemption)

Posted by: LTL - still in post production edits... | September 17, 2008 11:29 AM | Report abuse

Liz, once the software allows, PLEASE REMOVE SPAMS AT 11:08, 11:09, 11:21 & 11:29 AM.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 17, 2008 11:45 AM | Report abuse

I'm sitting on my hands because the comment removal tool is currently on the fritz. As soon as it is back, I'm jumping in.

Posted by: Liz Kelly | September 17, 2008 10:42 AM

Liz Kelly,
ThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyou

Posted by: b | September 17, 2008 11:51 AM | Report abuse

I have to confess, that I, too, think Katie's denim look is fine.

Her choice in men, not so much.

Posted by: b | September 17, 2008 11:52 AM | Report abuse

Hmmmm, the Jonas boys "date" fans?

So THAT'S what the crazy over-sexed kids are calling "quickie sex in the green room/dressing room/bathroom stall/tour bus lounge" these days!!

WE had another name for it, but it's unprintable in the WaPo, so I think I'll start saying I wanna "date" JBJ & Roger Clyne.....WHO I FINALLY MET AT THE 9:30 CLUB LAST FRIDAY NITE!! He's my new pretend-hippie-rock-star boyfriend!!

**cranks Roger Clyne on the work puter & dances in her chair**

Katie looks meh. At least those jeans look like they're hers & not her little-person hubby's jeans.

Posted by: Bored @ work | September 17, 2008 12:37 PM | Report abuse

Katie looks meh. At least those jeans look like they're hers & not her little-person hubby's jeans.

Posted by: Bored @ work | September 17, 2008 12:37 PM

The way they scrunch up at her ankles, you know they'd be way too long for Tom.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 17, 2008 12:42 PM | Report abuse

I would have thunk that the trolls would have gotten bored by now and moved on. Just imagine all the masterbation that's not getting done because they're here bugging the hell out of us.

Posted by: another annoyed lizard | September 17, 2008 12:49 PM | Report abuse

A dissenting note .... "Slowly he shambles (a nod to his band name)"..... uh, it's a different guy (see next post)

Posted by: TonyR | September 17, 2008 12:58 PM | Report abuse

The latest from the real Babyshambles chap ..

http://www.londonnet.co.uk/entertainment/2008/sep/pete-doherty-cries-missed-flight.html

It's worth it alone for the classic line ..... "Even when I fell over and badly creased my hat"

Posted by: TonyR | September 17, 2008 1:00 PM | Report abuse

"We wouldn't really want a girl we dated to be a fan." --Jonas Brother

Now, that doesn't make a bit of sense, does it? If they're in the target dating demo, surely that would at least have heard of the Jonas Brothers, right?

So are they saying they only date people who dislike their music?

Posted by: td is back...and confused | September 17, 2008 1:02 PM | Report abuse

So are they saying they only date people who dislike their music?

Posted by: td is back...and confused | September 17, 2008 1:02 PM

*****************************************

I would think that anyone who disliked their music wouldn't want to date a Jonas Brother simply because they have already shown they have good taste.

Posted by: Dorkus | September 17, 2008 1:11 PM | Report abuse

Katie Holmes' pants look no different than Whitney Houston's circa 1987:

http://bp2.blogger.com/_yr2ErdwQHws/RsKR_WjV5aI/AAAAAAAAAVY/HqC-ADaggdc/s1600-h/300px-Whitney_Houston3.jpg

This is not news, kids. It's recycled "fashion."

Posted by: td | September 17, 2008 1:13 PM | Report abuse

My fact checkers thought I meant to check the fax... tis the only reasonable explanation I can come up with...

Truth be told I keep mixing up Amy Winehouse's husband with this guy who was her partner in Mouse-gate...

In a side note, after reading the article it seems entirely appropriate that his band's name includes the word shambles.

Posted by: LTL blames 'the little people' for the error | September 17, 2008 1:21 PM | Report abuse

So when you request those reports on for sexual predators in your area, does R. Kelly's name show up?
Couldn't see Katies bunchy-thing jeans or read why Brad Pitt was dangerous, oh well.

Hey, and who knew that hurricaines could hit Ohio? No power at home yet. Let's not forget our friends in Texas who are far worse off than we. Consider donating to the Red Cross (Public service message of the day)

Posted by: hodie | September 17, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

Please consider donating to the Red Cross to help folks out...

Posted by: LTL second's hodie's PSA | September 17, 2008 1:51 PM | Report abuse

David Gest - yep, I'd regret a plastic surgery job that turned out like that too!


And the emmy goes to LTL for the Winehouse-What-his-name prison scene. (outstanding!!)

Posted by: anonymous lurker (needs to get back to work....shhh! here comes the boss) | September 17, 2008 2:00 PM | Report abuse

ep writes:

"So much for those purity rings the Jonas Brothers wear."

--------------------------------------
More like "rooster" rings.

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Posted by: Sasquatch | September 17, 2008 2:45 PM | Report abuse

Purity rings or cock-a-doodle-doo rings: same - same.

That David Guest is such a bizarre little man.

And, I'd like to officially recognize the awarding of the 2008 Noble Prize for Celebrity Fizzicks to our own Gaius Dorkus Maximus. Good Work, Dorkus.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 17, 2008 2:52 PM | Report abuse

Actor Ryan O'Neal and his son, Redmond, were arrested Wednesday at the actor's Malibu, Calif., home for alleged drug possession, a sheriff's spokesman confirms.

"This morning, deputies were doing a routine sweep to make sure Redmond was adhering to his probation," sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore said. "Upon searching the premises, the younger O'Neal was found in possession of narcotics. Later, a vial of drugs were found in the elder O'Neal's bedroom. We believe the drugs found were methamphetamines."

Both Ryan, 67, and Redmond, 23, are being held at a local sheriff's station in lieu of $10,000 bail each.

Redmond O'Neal's mother is Farrah Fawcett and his half-sister is Tatum O'Neal, who was arrested July 1 in New York City for trying to buy drugs.

Reps for Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett weren't immediately available for comment.

Redmond has a history of drug abuse, having entered rehab in 2004 for heroin abuse. This past June, he pleaded guilty to drug possession and one misdemeanor DUI charge.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 17, 2008 3:07 PM | Report abuse

Ryan O'Neal's son, Redmond, arrested for drug possession again, sez People magazine.

The interesting part of the news story, though, is the part that says Ryan himself was arrested too.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20226642,00.html

From the story:
"This morning, deputies were doing a routine sweep to make sure Redmond was adhering to his probation," sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore said. "Upon searching the premises, the younger O'Neal was found in possession of narcotics. Later, a vial of drugs were found in the elder O'Neal's bedroom. We believe the drugs found were methamphetamines."

Posted by: all byoolin knows is that the drugs aren't mine, man. It's a setup, man! | September 17, 2008 3:07 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, what Anonymous McScoopy said.

Posted by: byoolin | September 17, 2008 3:08 PM | Report abuse

Re: Serena Williams

I have to say I was really impressed by the Williams sisters at the Olympics. Some of their doubles matches were literally held in the middle of the night with almost no one in the stands, but they didn't complain. They both said how proud they were to represent the US and that their victory was the most important and meaningful of their careers. Maybe it was all just good PR, but I thought they were charming and gracious throughout the tournament.

I also think we saw a new Venus and Serena at Wimbledon and the US Open, both on and off the court. They've re-dedicated themselves to tennis and are fierce competitors, but seem to be having fun at the same time. Even their terrible father has been behaving himself. I think the tragic death of their sister may have put a lot of things in perspective for the whole family. As a tennis fan, I think the Williams sisters are good for the sport and am very glad to witness their renaissance.

* * * *

hodie, I agree with you about Ike and the people who have been affected. I think they have been getting short shrift on the news due to the election coverage and the financial meltdown, but this is a Katrina-level event and these people need our support and prayers!

Posted by: alex (lowercase) | September 17, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

And, I'd like to officially recognize the awarding of the 2008 Noble Prize for Celebrity Fizzicks to our own Gaius Dorkus Maximus. Good Work, Dorkus.

* * * *

Hey, doesn't Elias get a mention in there somewhere, too, 'Mudge? In a different category. . .

Posted by: alex | September 17, 2008 3:14 PM | Report abuse

"Work computer won't let me view the David Gest thing -- is his latest facelift THAT bad???"

Yes. Doesn't even look human. A very surprised, chipmunk-cheeked girl doll, maybe.

Gwyneth, honey, I've always liked you but you really do need to shut the hell up about your weight/body/etc. It's not winning you any fans.

Posted by: Californian | September 17, 2008 3:20 PM | Report abuse

alex (lowercase), The Today Show on Saturday spent almost 2 hours (they did break for 3 minutes to cover the train crash in CA) covering the Ike. Coverage of reporters trying to stand up during 60 mph winds in torrentiel downpours. On Sunday, they barely covered it at all. Of course by then we in the Midwest were getting hit with the aftermath of Ike.

Posted by: tiny | September 17, 2008 3:34 PM | Report abuse

alex, I'll agree that the Williams sisters were very good at the Olympics, all of their interviews were gracious. But I can't agree that Serena showed good behavior at Wimbledon--she was pouty and ungracious even to her own sister! I honestly think it got into Venus' head having to deal with an angry sullen Serena for however long after Wimbledon--probably the reason she couldn't close out those 10 set points she had when they played the US Open. Venus has always been the better sportsman of the two. And yes, thank goodness they're old enough to tell their father to please just shut the #$%& up!

Posted by: hermespal | September 17, 2008 3:37 PM | Report abuse

I don't knkow about Elias winning a Prize.

I DO know that Elias a talent and clever inventor of such useful items as the SNARK and the SCUM. I didn't know that he had won a prize, although he should.

(He's Lizard Island's own personal gadget inventor, don't you know).

Perhaps I should nominate him for somethings. (He, however, may want to remove his name from consideration for a Grammy.)

Because our "Lizards' Own" Noble Prize does not come with a monitary gift and since Sasquatch has stiffed him for payment on the SNARK, Elias may prefer a more lucritive award (at least something that comes with a gift bag).

What do you all think?

Should we award Elias Howe the 2008 Noble Prize in Thinkology and let him figure out how to collect on his debtors?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 17, 2008 3:43 PM | Report abuse

And, I'd like to officially recognize the awarding of the 2008 Noble Prize for Celebrity Fizzicks to our own Gaius Dorkus Maximus. Good Work, Dorkus.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 17, 2008 2:52 PM

*******************************************

Ahh, 'Mudge I'm blushing. But really when it comes to the Nobel Prize I'm afraid that I must promptly remove myself from consideration. I will however accept the grant money anyways.

Posted by: Dorkus | September 17, 2008 3:45 PM | Report abuse

RE: Ryan and Redmond being busted for drugs together. What a wonderful father-son bonding moment. The family that snorts together stays together.

Ya'all missed the best moments of the hurricane Ike coverage. FoxNews did it 24/7. Geraldo was on Galveston Island getting repeatedly smacked in the face by debris. After about the 50th smacking, it stopped being so funny, though.

Posted by: ep | September 17, 2008 3:49 PM | Report abuse

I work for the Red Cross and while we aren't perfect, I can tell you personally there are a lot of folks who are working very hard to help.

As far as I can tell, Katrina raised the bar on just how bad a disaster needs to be to get "air time". It's sad. The fact of the matter is, there is a lot of folks who lost their homes and their posessions.

Posted by: anon for now | September 17, 2008 3:53 PM | Report abuse

If all else fails, has anyone considered nominating our estimable Dorkus and Elias for Ig Nobel Prizes?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ig_Nobel_Prize

Posted by: Nosy Parker | September 17, 2008 4:00 PM | Report abuse

Er, um, Dorkus?

Sorry, but you've won the Noble Prize (not the Nobel Prize).

Our Noble Prize doesn't even have any lovely parting gifts . . . it's the thought that counts.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 17, 2008 4:03 PM | Report abuse

alex, I'll agree that the Williams sisters were very good at the Olympics, all of their interviews were gracious. But I can't agree that Serena showed good behavior at Wimbledon--she was pouty and ungracious even to her own sister! I honestly think it got into Venus' head having to deal with an angry sullen Serena for however long after Wimbledon--probably the reason she couldn't close out those 10 set points she had when they played the US Open. Venus has always been the better sportsman of the two. And yes, thank goodness they're old enough to tell their father to please just shut the #$%& up!

Posted by: hermespal | September 17, 2008 3:37 PM

i hate serena. she's always ungracious when she loses. she pouts and is so rude to her opponents when she loses. i love venus. i was heartbroken when she lost to serena at the open. she totally would have won the tourney if she'd have beaten serena. sadly, i think it was her best chance for another grandslam outside of wimby, bc i think the competition will be better in the next couple of years. sigh.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 17, 2008 4:09 PM | Report abuse

After about the 50th smacking, it stopped being so funny, though.

Posted by: ep | September 17, 2008 3:49 PM

******************************************

It may have stopped being SO funny, but it really didn't ever stop being funny.

Meanwhile, those of us in Texas who could have actually used the rain from Ike got nothing (except for beautiful sunny days, but we really needed the rain).

Posted by: Dorkus | September 17, 2008 4:10 PM | Report abuse

Move over, Osbournes. We need an O'Neal Family Reality Show. Yikes. Is Harvey Weinstein on the phone with Tatum, Farrah, and Ryan's attorney yet? I smell ratings gold.

Posted by: td | September 17, 2008 4:13 PM | Report abuse

Drat no monetary prize. I could really use it now that the Stock Market is crashing.

Posted by: Dorkus | September 17, 2008 4:15 PM | Report abuse

just don't accept any prizes for your Noble (or Nobel)that comes in a box with a hole in the bottom!

Posted by: hodie says be wary of Sasquatches bearing gifts | September 17, 2008 4:16 PM | Report abuse

Rachel Zoe, a blonde with a relaxed perm and roots that are visible on purpose, is a fashion stylist, which in her fortunate case means that she dresses celebrities, reportedly for up to $6,000 a day. As one of her assistants explained in the premiere episode of “The Rachel Zoe Project” (Tuesdays on Bravo): “We don’t just dress clients for award shows. We do premieres, personal appearances, personal shopping. We pretty much do everything.”

Even that sells Ms. Zoe short. More than any other stylist working in Hollywood today, she doesn’t merely peddle clothes, she emblazons an image, turning cipher nobodies into pretend somebodies. Although she has put grown women with viable acting careers into gowns — Debra Messing, Cameron Diaz — she is known more generally for forging a look of girlish vacancy, one that says: “I get up at noon. And then I spend my day refusing solid foods.”

A Starbucks cup is essential to the entire gestalt. If you have seen Mary-Kate Olsen, then you can envision Rachel Zoe. The look conveys idleness, and its uncanny effect has been to make people who don’t do anything famous for doing nothing. Styling celebrities in her own strung-out ’70s glam style — Grecian tops over lean trousers, boxy miniskirts, visible clavicles, bug-eyed sunglasses, heavy gold necklaces, big rings — Ms. Zoe has landed her clients on the pages of magazines like Us with an impressive regularity.

It was her foresight to notice that tabloids had pages to fill and couldn’t always do that with photos of Angelina Jolie on her way to an orphanage. It is largely because of her that the name Nicole Richie is more familiar than the name Nicolas Sarkozy. The stylist is Frankenstein; all the world’s Lindsay Lohans are her Creature.

Given that Ms. Zoe is already a pox on humanity — exploiting an aesthetic of dissipation, invading our collective consciousness and spraying it with dummy dust — it is amazing that “The Rachel Zoe Project,” which focuses on her career, manages to send its audience deeper into the territory of smug NPR obsessives who won’t stop ranting about triviality’s conquest of the American soul. First I hated the show for passing Ms. Zoe off as an innovator when all she does is recycle a look that has held appeal since Tom Ford’s days at Gucci. Then I hated it for turning me into Max von Sydow in “Hannah and Her Sisters,” a cranky old person hungering for anachronisms.

How I cling to my memories of Diana Vreeland. Ms. Zoe replaces the fashion personality’s eccentricity with perpetual dissatisfaction. She gets upset at an underling when rain water threatens to seep into her storage closet. She wants new pieces of furniture for her stark, modern Los Angeles house, even though she decorated it just two years ago.

“I love our furniture,” she tells her husband, Rodger, “but we’ve had it for a while.”

His hesitation doesn’t stop her. She charges ahead and buys an expensive credenza and a new sofa that looks exactly like her old sofa. “I don’t understand saving for the rainy day,” she says. “Live now. Live every day like it’s your last day.” Her whim isn’t really driven by an inspiration for change: She wants furniture that she hopes will better brand her for a photo shoot for the British edition of Elle Decor.

When Ms. Zoe isn’t talking about brand expansion — “I want to do my own clothing line. I want to do denim, obviously sunglasses, jewelry and bags”— she is expanding her own wardrobe. At Decades, a well-known vintage store in Los Angeles, she picks up another Hermès Birkin bag. One of her assistants tries to dissuade her: “You collect art. You don’t collect Birkin.”

“The Real Housewives of Orange County” has led the recent wave of reality programming about mad consumption. But it’s a genre that feels downright unseemly as investment banks are dissolving, and unemployment stands at more than 6 percent. It isn’t merely that “Rachel Zoe” lumbers along, asking us to get excited about a corporate work in progress — it’s also that the timing couldn’t be nuttier.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 17, 2008 4:18 PM | Report abuse

"Drat no monetary prize. I could really use it now that the Stock Market is crashing."

I'm going to have to work until I'm 80 or dead - my 401k is probably not doing so well.

Posted by: Curmudgeon will be selling apples on the corner soon | September 17, 2008 4:21 PM | Report abuse

Oooh, hermespal, I guess I missed the nasty Serena at Wimbledon. Ugh. Serena has always said that Venus is the more easygoing of the two. Venus is far more laid-back, and is very emotionally generous towards Serena.

I just hope they're growing up. And I hope they've quit taking their tennis for granted and going off on those stupid tangents. They have all the time in the world to design ugly clothes and pursue lackluster acting careers after the window has closed on their tennis careers.

* * * *

As for the Ike coverage, even Gustav got some primetime coverage--it preempted the first night of the Republican convention. I just don't think the Ike devastation is commensurate with the amount of media coverage that has been given. Do we have hurricane/disaster fatigue? Is there too much competing news? If I lived in the affected areas or worked for one of the relief organizations, I'd be miffed.

But maybe that's just me getting worked up as usual. . .

Posted by: alex | September 17, 2008 4:22 PM | Report abuse

Here in Houston, it has been all Hurricane, all the time since Thursday - the local stations have not had on anything else. We have power and water, but others are not nearly as lucky.

Posted by: Betty | September 17, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, 'Mudge, those gift bags are pretty nice deals, especially if you can figure out a way to get out of paying taxes on them. But I agree with hodie: just make sure you don't accept anything from Sas, either in a box or with a ribbon wrapped around it. Ewww.

* * * *

One last note about Serena, then I'll shut up. Agree that she's been boorish and unsportsmanlike (to say the very least) in the past. I'll never forget the series of time outs with the trainer for medical purposes she took at that Australian Open against Kim Clijsters when she was so far down. It was technically within the rules, but really stank, and it threw KC enough that she ended up losing. Maybe I'm being too much of a Pollyanna to hope that Serena is truly undergoing a change and not just getting intensive PR coaching--but I do want it to be the former. Maybe I'll just withhold my final judgement.

Posted by: alex tried to look out for EH | September 17, 2008 4:37 PM | Report abuse

Good luck to you, Betty.

I haven't seen as much coverage here in the DC area. I've gotten more news from some of the links people have sent me from local TX papers/sources. But I still haven't heard from all of my friends in TX and I'm worried.

Posted by: alex | September 17, 2008 4:42 PM | Report abuse

Good point, hodie.

Good advice, alex.

Beware of cryptids bearing gifts, I always say.

Especially if the gift is gaily wrapped and held close to the cryptid's body.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 17, 2008 4:46 PM | Report abuse

Thanks. We got water and power back on Monday night and internet today, but we were out last night and there are lots of people that don't have one or both. Houston is generally okay - just lots of people without power (including my office). Galveston is not okay, but it appears that everyone that was there were evacuated/checked on/rescued, but there has been much destruction of homes, etc.

Posted by: Betty | September 17, 2008 4:47 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus,

Am I correct in thinking you're in yappy-Ki-Yay West Texas? East and Central Texas caught the rain from Ike, yes?

To the Anon who mentioned working with the Red Cross: any comments on the tenure of Elaine Chao as head of the organization?

Posted by: Sasquatch | September 17, 2008 4:49 PM | Report abuse

My son has been playing Age of Mythology for several years. It's the reason he aced his Virginia SOL test in the 3rd grade in social studies and has loved the subject of history ever since.

My homemaker daughter, like her sister before her, liked playing Syms. As soon as the girls turned into teenagers, the video game playing time on computers got replaced by the human interaction tools like instant messaging, facebook, and text messaging via cell.

And they hound me for blogging too much...

Posted by: Anonymous | September 17, 2008 4:50 PM | Report abuse

My son and his family live in a suburb southwest of Houston.

They got lots and lots of deluging rain and strong, door-rattling wind. Other than some trees down in the neighborhood, however, thank God that was the worst of it.

Last I heard, there was still no power, but the weather had been mild and they were doing ok.

Posted by: Curmudgeon was very worried | September 17, 2008 4:51 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus is in the Austin. The only place where shelters didn't bother to provide cots for the evacuees. Not Dorkus' fault I am sure. But, if I were still in my beloved city, I would be sounding off BIG TIME to someone.

Don't give me they don't have room to store them. The state has them and keeps them between disasters.

Posted by: ep | September 17, 2008 4:55 PM | Report abuse

Actually Sas' I am safely ensconced in Austin and all of it's hippy goodness.

When Ike shifted north before hitting land it caused most of the rain to fall in East Texas. Of course Austin, lately, has tended to fall on the west side of hurricanes which means we never really get any inclement weather in our neck of the woods.

And not to be insensitive to friends and family in the Houston region, but most of us here are more upset about having to reschedule the UT-arkansas game for the same weekend as ACL Fest. I guess better safe than sorry, but it really was a gorgeous day on Saturday.

Posted by: Dorkus | September 17, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

I thought that all government cots in Texas were being used to house inmates on Death Row.

Posted by: Sasquatch runs for cover | September 17, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

Elain Chao is not the head nor has been while I've been here, the new president is Gail McGovern and she (from all initial reports) is absolutely great. Smart, gets it lightening quick, articulate, etc. etc. There are many around here who are excited and relieved despite the fact that we face some pretty daunting challenges, folks have a tremendous loyalty to this organization. And rightly so, despite what you might read in the papers, the organization has tremendous heart and really cares about doing what is right...

Ike does have a much larger impact than Gustav did and it is a bigger storm ... both are big enough to warrant attention, and any disaster is big to the person who's gone homeless. I think the coverage shifted because once it became clear that NOLA wasn't going to flood, the attention shifted to IKE which had all the makings of Katrina x 10 as a worst case scenerio.

anyhoo gotta git back to work!

Posted by: anon for now | September 17, 2008 5:03 PM | Report abuse

If W were still Governor, he'd free up those cots real fast!

Posted by: to Sas | September 17, 2008 5:04 PM | Report abuse

Don't get me started on the shelter conditions here in town ep. It's ridiculous, this isn't the first time we've taken in evacuees.

And let's not forget the rescue workers and first responders in the bay area who were running out of food and water while trying to save people.

Posted by: Dorkus | September 17, 2008 5:05 PM | Report abuse

I thought that all government cots in Texas were being used to house inmates on Death Row.

Posted by: Sasquatch runs for cover | September 17, 2008 5:00 PM

or in Gitmo

Posted by: hodie | September 17, 2008 5:07 PM | Report abuse

Sas, Chao used to be with The United Way (and the Peace Corps, I think). She's now Sec of Labor. She's also married to Mitch McConnell.

Posted by: alex | September 17, 2008 5:27 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, Alex. The misinformation about Chao and the Red Cross came from a colleague who should have known better. You're correct about the United Way and Peace Corps stints. I already knew about the SecLabor and Mitch McConnell aspects.

Posted by: Sasquatch | September 17, 2008 5:35 PM | Report abuse

The folks who are working for the Red Cross and other relief organizations aren't doing it for the money, that's for sure. Even the FEMA people don't deserve the bad rap they get--it's hard work and long hours for not much money. And nobody ever seems to be happy with the job you do.

A friend recently had to turn down his Peace Corps deployment to Georgia (thank goodness) because his father was dying. Instead, he's been working as a local Red Cross volunteer. That's real commitment. I know I couldn't do it, but I admire it and am glad someone's doing it.

Posted by: alex | September 17, 2008 5:40 PM | Report abuse

My Gracious, I am honored to be nominated for anything! I am even honored to have my name mentioned in the same sentence with any award of note.

But what I really need to to be introduced to the winner of the CPA of the Year award due to various noncollectable accounts, financial set-backs etc. My 401K is now a 201K and soon to be a 101K.

I just would be curious if Gary Glitter is first cousin to R. Kelly. Uhh, NO, nevermind!

The deployment of my newest invention, the Troll-O-Matic had good success on OP today. I believe that would be the worst case for a field test.

Love & Kisses to all!

P.S. I wonder if Queen Liz will pony up for the Troll-O-Matic?

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 17, 2008 7:28 PM | Report abuse

Mudge, please recall the invention I am most proud of, the Parasol Preventer.

See Aug 15 column for description)

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 17, 2008 7:53 PM | Report abuse

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