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Posted at 7:37 AM ET, 09/18/2008

Morning Mix: Ryan O'Neal, Son Arrested for Suspected Meth Possession

By Liz Kelly
Thursday

Headlines: Fergie tops People magazine's Best Dressed list... Lynne Spears says she's to blame for Britney's woes... Brad Pitt donates money to California gay marriage initiative... Despite threats, Paul McCartney says he won't cancel concert in Israel... Hilary Swank briefly hospitalized... Jessica Simpson tops country album chart... "Sex and the City's" Carrie Bradshaw getting teen novel reboot... Denise Richards's reality show coming back for second season... Miley Cyrus to star in upcoming Nicholas Sparks movie (as mentioned in yesterday's chat here at post.com)... Rose McGowan chastised for pro-IRA comments... Swag machine gears up for Sunday's Emmys... Microsoft pulling Gates/Seinfeld ads.

Crime Watch: Ryan O'Neal and son booked (and later released) on suspected meth possession... Actor Thomas Jane pleads no contest to DUI charge... Gary Coleman formally charged with reckless driving and disorderly conduct.

Rumor Mill: Obama campaign says "thanks, but no thanks" to help from Lindsay Lohan... "90210" producers plan intervention for "too-thin" stars.

Say What?
"Some celebrities become famous and they forget who they are or where they came from and hide out like some recluse. I'm not going to do that." -- Paris Hilton, keeping it real.

"I've found myself doing things I'm not proud of, like digging through the trash for a butt. Or smoking through bronchitis." -- "ER's" Maura Tierney.

Chat Day: Join me today at 2 p.m. ET for this week's Celebritology Live discussion.

By Liz Kelly  | September 18, 2008; 7:37 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: 2008 Lizzies Fan Art Competition
Next: Catching Up With Christopher Knight

Comments

First!

Posted by: First Comment | September 18, 2008 8:15 AM | Report abuse

Hilary, you say hospital stay, I say nose job.

Posted by: Osteph | September 18, 2008 8:19 AM | Report abuse

I take note of the story not covered by Queen Liz, i.e. the blood doping story from the Tour de France. Oh, wait did I say blood doping and the Tour de France? No, that is not news, just business as usual.

But I think some renaming is in order:

Tour De France is now Tour De Winehouse.

Mr. Winehouse's fetish for staying in the jail is now Tour De Big House.

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 8:26 AM | Report abuse

I think Ryan O'Neal's alibi may be that he's in training for the Tour de France.

Posted by: possum | September 18, 2008 8:38 AM | Report abuse

Why don't you hold off on your snarkiness until you see a picture of her in the next few weeks? Maybe she did, maybe she didn't.

Posted by: To Osteph | September 18, 2008 8:39 AM | Report abuse

Elias: what in the HE!! are you talking about? Go get a cup of strong coffee and come back to us.

Posted by: Alex | September 18, 2008 8:40 AM | Report abuse

What is the world coming to?
Wall Street is crashing, banks are failing - and now Jessica Simpson is at the top of the country charts?

Posted by: Groovis thinks things are going to hell in a handbasket | September 18, 2008 8:51 AM | Report abuse

Sorry, I thought I was allowed to snark... I apologize for making quick and rash judgements on a celebrity blog.

Posted by: Osteph | September 18, 2008 8:51 AM | Report abuse

Queen Liz, I knew you should have mentioned this article:

Blood Samples From Tour de France Retested for EPO

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/17/AR2008091703438.html


I guess possum and I are the only ones who saw it!

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 8:52 AM | Report abuse

Love means never having to say "put down that meth pipe and get a job."

Posted by: Groovis wonders "where do I begin?" | September 18, 2008 8:55 AM | Report abuse

Paris, thank you for keeping it real.

We are so grateful that now you're famous you won't forget who you are or where you came from and hide out like some recluse.

Whew! We Lizards were concerned that our snark options had fallen like the Dow-Jones.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 18, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse

"He reintroduced me to myself," Simpson revealed in the June issue of Glamour. "I thought that I had to be deeper, more profound and more artsy. You change with the guys you date."

well at least she's honest about being completely vapid.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 9:02 AM | Report abuse

Ah! Groovis, love has another meaning.

Love means never boguarding the stash when it comes to family!

Or as we say in the south, Beauregarding the stash!

(Not that Elias would ever approve of illicit drugs.)

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 9:02 AM | Report abuse

The testing technology can't keep up with the cheating technology. It's why Lance is willing to have another go at it. It's no coincidence that most of his former teammates have since been caught for doping...

Tis true the blood doping thing is amazing isn't it? Can you imagine someone willing to get blood taken out of their system, have a little of this and a little of that seasoned in to the broth and then have it reinjected in to their body?

I am sorry but when you cheat to win, the cheat is the winner, not you.

Posted by: LTL lost her faith in Lance before he dated a Trolsen | September 18, 2008 9:03 AM | Report abuse

sorry stepping off of soap box now...

Posted by: LTL goes back to regularly scheduled snarking | September 18, 2008 9:13 AM | Report abuse

Sorry, where was my head??? Snarkiness is absolutely encouraged!

Posted by: To Elias | September 18, 2008 9:14 AM | Report abuse

Can't say I'm all that suprised that the Obama campaign doesn't want Lindsey Lohan as a spokes person. For all ehr image rehab of late she's still, well, Lindsey Loahn. It's gonna be a while be she isn't radioactive to the rest of the world.

You keep it faux-real Paris.

Posted by: EricS | September 18, 2008 9:15 AM | Report abuse

Memo to Mr. Omar Bakri Muhammad, the "militant Lebanese Islamic activist" who urged Paul McCartney to stay home:

(a) It was 42 years ago, and
(b) *John Lennon*, not Sir Paul, who said it, and
(c) the name he used was "Jesus," not "Mohammed."

So get over yourself, sit the hell down, STFU and listen to the music, alright?

Regards,

Posted by: the prophet byoolin (PBUH) | September 18, 2008 9:17 AM | Report abuse

Good Lord, the world is going to heck! Lynne Spears, after writing a parenting book, admitting to being culpable in her daughter's troubles? Where is this world going to?

What next, Jessica Simpson goes to the top of the ... uhoh!

Don't tell me, Microsoft's going to realize how pointlessly useless the Gatesfeld ads were in promoting Vista in any ... ack!

Oh, wait, Paris is keeping it 'real' in a fauxish manner. Whew. Getting a little close to falling over the edge, there.

Posted by: Anonyonandon with two hands on edge of the handbasket | September 18, 2008 9:20 AM | Report abuse

BTW, Liz Kelly, your colleague Ann Hornaday might help you get past some of your reservations regarding Ricky Gervais' new movie. She writes that at the Toronto International Film Festival, "'Ghost Town' was earning enthusiastic word of mouth from critics and the public..."

And let's not forget that it costars poor Tea Leoni, who's married to that sex fiend Mulder.

Posted by: byoolin | September 18, 2008 9:22 AM | Report abuse

The poster read,

"The world is flat and we are all close to the edge!"


(Poster did not amuse Elias' superiors who though in only one dimension.)

Posted by: Elias Howe use to have a poster in his younger years | September 18, 2008 9:24 AM | Report abuse

Microsoft didn't cancel those ads. Your tv simply needs a new video card, a DRAM upgrade, some drivers, a 4TB hard drive and a few hours on the phone with tech support for you to be able to watch 'em, that's all.

Posted by: byoolin shows off his undocumented features. | September 18, 2008 9:26 AM | Report abuse

Queen Liz, I knew you should have mentioned this article:

Blood Samples From Tour de France Retested for EPO

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/17/AR2008091703438.html


I guess possum and I are the only ones who saw it!

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 8:52 AM

Wouldn't this be more appropriate in the sports section and not a celebrity column?

Oh and Paris Hilton, thanks for being the vapid airhead we all love. Don't ever change.

Posted by: to Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 9:29 AM | Report abuse

The bank repossessed the handbasket. We're on our own! Everybody tighten your sphincter. It's gonna get fugly!!!!

Posted by: Brutal thinks we're utterly screwed!!! | September 18, 2008 9:32 AM | Report abuse

Blood doping at the Tour: Elias, not only did I not see it until you posted the link to it, when I read the article my first reaction was, "What? I *missed* the Tour de France this year?!?"

(Now that I think about it, le Tour happened at about the same time that a certain bat-rastard cable company whose name rhymes with 'Bombast' took Versus off the basic cable list for my area.)

Posted by: byoolin's just relieved he wasn't competing this year. | September 18, 2008 9:33 AM | Report abuse

Hey, I was asked to explain and the whole thing was a snark on M/M Winehouse...

Oh, never mind, back to the lab for Elias.

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 9:33 AM | Report abuse

Uh, Paris, does that mean more sex tapes?

I mean, why are you famous?

Posted by: Amelia | September 18, 2008 9:33 AM | Report abuse

So byoolin, I was thinking, maybe Sir Paul should meet with Mr. Omar Bakri Muhammad, and maybe tell him to, oh I don't know, let it be, let it be...(but he probably shouldn't say live and let die)

Posted by: Dorkus who's here all week, please tip your waitress... | September 18, 2008 9:35 AM | Report abuse

And as for the O'Ryans, I guess the family that does drugs together, stays together.

Posted by: Sappho | September 18, 2008 9:35 AM | Report abuse

Hilary Swank briefly hospitalized...
until doctors realized that her face always looks like that.

Posted by: M Street | September 18, 2008 9:37 AM | Report abuse

psst Sappho, its the O'Neals.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 9:38 AM | Report abuse

And as for the O'Ryans, I guess the family that does drugs together, stays together.

Posted by: Sappho | September 18, 2008 9:35 AM
----
psst Sappho, its the O'Neals.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 9:38 AM

***

Yes, Sappho: "O'Ryan," sometimes called "The Hunter," is that beautiful constellation visible in the fall & winter skies.

It's also the only one named after an Irishman.

Posted by: byoolin keeps watching the stars. | September 18, 2008 9:42 AM | Report abuse

I'm sorry but didn't they start filming the new 90210 only a couple months ago hiring brand new actresses? So if they were so concerned about girls too thin why didn't they hire different actresses who had some curves?? I find it very hard to believe that all of a sudden these girls dropped a ton of weight.

Posted by: 9021-oh yeah? | September 18, 2008 9:44 AM | Report abuse

and maybe tell him to, oh I don't know, let it be, let it be...(but he probably shouldn't say live and let die)


And maybe a few verses from Get Back!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 9:48 AM | Report abuse

This is totally off topic - but I was a little grossed out just now. The National Enquirer reported that Robert Conrad's wife, a 48 year old woman, was arrested for smoking meth. The story goes on to say that Conrad is 79 and he married his wife in 1977!!! So, at the time of their marriage, she would have been 17 years old (maybe JUST 18) and he would have been 48!!! Robert Conrad, aka Pappy Boyington! I need to go wash my hands.

Posted by: Groovis is now skeeved out | September 18, 2008 9:50 AM | Report abuse

This merely confirms the rumor that Pappy is R. Kelly father!

Posted by: the answer is simple, Groovis | September 18, 2008 9:53 AM | Report abuse

Groovis, do you think that after Robert Conrad married her, his family treated him like a black sheep?

Posted by: Dorkus who promises to stop at some point | September 18, 2008 9:54 AM | Report abuse

Really people. . .does anyone *actually* give a rat's patoot what goes on at the Tour de France? Look inside and be honest with yourselves.

I thought not.

Rose McGowan needs to STFU. What a completely moronic statement to make. Typical statement made by someone who's had a life led in comfort and safety, but desperately wants a little hard edge cred to ameliorate her mediocrity.

Posted by: jelo | September 18, 2008 9:59 AM | Report abuse

Hey, this was before the introduction of V-i-a-g-r-a. Ehhhhhhhhh. And how does this relate to the Lindbergh baby?

Posted by: To Dorkus | September 18, 2008 10:00 AM | Report abuse

Dorkus - Perhaps they did, but you can be sure they went "Baa! Baa!"

Posted by: Anonyonandon | September 18, 2008 10:00 AM | Report abuse

And as for the O'Ryans, I guess the family that does drugs together, stays together.

Posted by: Sappho | September 18, 2008 9:35 AM
----
psst Sappho, its the O'Neals.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 9:38 AM

***

Yes, Sappho: "O'Ryan," sometimes called "The Hunter," is that beautiful constellation visible in the fall & winter skies.

It's also the only one named after an Irishman.

Posted by: byoolin keeps watching the stars. | September 18, 2008 9:42 AM

Ooops. My bad. Thanks for the correction. Guess my decaffinated tea hasn't kicked in yet.

Posted by: Sappho | September 18, 2008 10:02 AM | Report abuse

It could have been worse...I could have called the patriarch Neal O'Ryan.

Posted by: Sappho | September 18, 2008 10:03 AM | Report abuse

Ya'all think that the Yoko Romo (not my invention) is a sign that htings are bad. Apparently, the world of reality tv has fallen on such hard times that Denise Richards' show is coming back.

Really, there was no other no-talent, desperate for attention former Playboy model in Hollywood that they could follow around with a camera instead?

Posted by: ep | September 18, 2008 10:08 AM | Report abuse

Rose McGowan is pro-IRA? Silly girl; she should max out her 401(k) match and diversify her portfolio instead.

Posted by: td | September 18, 2008 10:09 AM | Report abuse

According to IMDB, Mr. and Mrs. Robert Conrad were married in 1983. Her age is not listed.

In other news, the O'Neal family has announced that they will be holding Thanksgiving dinner this year at Promises Malibu.

Posted by: 44west | September 18, 2008 10:10 AM | Report abuse

Really, there was no other no-talent, desperate for attention former Playboy model in Hollywood that they could follow around with a camera instead?

Posted by: ep | September 18, 2008 10:08 AM

*******************************************

Well, they already gave Pamela Anderson her own show.

Posted by: Dorkus | September 18, 2008 10:10 AM | Report abuse

I watched that Gates/Seinfeld ad on the Windows website. Painfully long, like four minutes (though maybe that clip is a compilation of multiple ads).

It's just a stale concept -- rich people get in touch with "real people" -- though "I have so many cars I get caught in my own traffic" was pretty funny, if dated.

Jerry, ding ding! 15 minutes. Now go back to your residuals. Shoo!

Posted by: td | September 18, 2008 10:19 AM | Report abuse

According to IMDB, Mr. and Mrs. Robert Conrad were married in 1983. Her age is not listed.

Posted by: 44west | September 18, 2008 10:10 AM

*************************
This is an interesting little mystery - because a bunch of sites list 1983 as their marriage date and others list 1977. They have a 25 year old daughter - so that means she was born in 1983. What's also interesting is that "Black Sheep Squadron" was on TV in 1977 - so maybe the network had something to do with making sure the story didn't come out......

Posted by: Groovis the detective | September 18, 2008 10:23 AM | Report abuse

Byoolin, you forgot the required ActiveX Humor(tm) plugin. Those are the first commercials I've seen in a while where I actually said, "Huh?" out loud at the end.

Posted by: Bawlmer | September 18, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

So byoolin, I was thinking, maybe Sir Paul should meet with Mr. Omar Bakri Muhammad, and maybe tell him to, oh I don't know, let it be, let it be...(but he probably shouldn't say live and let die)

Posted by: Dorkus who's here all week, please tip your waitress... | September

But no pun intended.....

Posted by: hodie, gives a rimshot and a groan for Dorkus | September 18, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

Robert Conrad is like four feet tall. They must've had cameras with a lot of height settings to film him in "Baa Baa Black Sheep" and (one of the greatest shows ever) "The Wild Wild West."

I guess he reported his wife to the cops after first putting the meth on his shoulder and saying, "Knock it off. Go on, I dare you!"

Posted by: td is glad he didnt get a battery charge | September 18, 2008 10:25 AM | Report abuse

BTW, I am testing my newest invention today right here on the Island. It is called C.R.A.P.

But I can't tell you what C.R.A.P. stands for until the end of the test later today.

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 10:29 AM | Report abuse

Gary Coleman busted for disorderly conduct...."Whatch you talkin' about Willis?!" Gary claims innocence stating he couldn't have possibly been driving as he can't reach the pedals.

Paris says she will never forget where she came from....the Hilton mansion or penthouse or wherever. Yeah Paris, make sure you don't forget the little people who made it possible. (no disrespect for Gary)

Posted by: hodie, suprised no one has said this already | September 18, 2008 10:29 AM | Report abuse

"Miley Cyrus to star in ... Nicholas Sparks movie" -- The Marble Notebook.

Posted by: td | September 18, 2008 10:38 AM | Report abuse

Elias, dude,
It's Bogart, not boguard. It comes from the term "don't Bogart that joint," which is in reference to the way Humphrey Bogart held his cigarettes in all the movies.

Don't worry, Sappho, Neal O'Ryan is probably what he calls himself when he's toasted.

Posted by: b, who reads a lot and that's why she knows this | September 18, 2008 10:41 AM | Report abuse

sez Hillary had a "small benign growth" removed.

I thought she and Chad Lowe got divorced a long time ago.

Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 10:45 AM | Report abuse

B.

OK Bogart, I had to check the Urban Dictionary for the spelling. I see that Bogart is in there also.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=boguard

Like I say, Elias don't know nuthin' 'bout no illicit drugs.

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 10:45 AM | Report abuse

The Gates/Seinfeld commercials failed the basics of advertising -- mention the product. Really, they were just about Seinfeld and Gates hanging out and Seinfeld riffing on what he wanted computers to do in the future. The site of Bill Gates adjusting his shorts is just below the Verne Troyer sex tape in terms of "Things for Which There Is not Enough Brain Bleach in the World To Erase."

There was nothing that made want to buy a PC with the evil Vista on it.

Posted by: ep | September 18, 2008 10:55 AM | Report abuse

Ooh, b, you might just have written the comment of the week:
----


sez Hillary had a "small benign growth" removed.

I thought she and Chad Lowe got divorced a long time ago.

Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 10:45 AM
---

Posted by: Liz Kelly | September 18, 2008 10:56 AM | Report abuse

I heard Jessica Simpson sing on The View the other day. She sounded like a cat whose tail was being constantly smashed by a rocking chair. What are country listeners thinking?

Posted by: Me | September 18, 2008 10:56 AM | Report abuse

What are country listeners thinking?

Posted by: Me | September 18, 2008 10:56 AM

*******************************************

Me, just remember these are the same people who keep buying Toby Keith albums, so I'm just going to suggests that thinking is not their strong suit.

Posted by: Dorkus who does enjoy GOOD country music | September 18, 2008 11:01 AM | Report abuse

What are country listeners thinking?

Posted by: Me | September 18, 2008 10:56 AM

*****

They're not thinking about the eerie correlation between "places where country music is most popular" and "the red states," but I am.

Posted by: byoolin hears the BKD train a'comin'. | September 18, 2008 11:18 AM | Report abuse

re: Jessica Simpson

maybe they're not "country" listeners, but listeners in another country...maybe another country that has no music of its own, is hearing it for the first time....

nah, even with that scenario, it still makes no sense.

thanks Liz Kelly!


Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 11:22 AM | Report abuse

Mr Elias' brain is filled with creative, advanced, state-of-the-art, leading edge technology ideas like C.R.A.P, which is almost ready for beta testing.

He has no room for counter-culture references like "Boogar" and stuff.

And besides, like every good Lizard, he don't know nuthin' 'bout no illicit drugs

Posted by: Curmudgeon admires a man with a tool | September 18, 2008 11:24 AM | Report abuse

then again, JeSimp is from texas, isn't she? and that *is* a whole other country.....

Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 11:27 AM | Report abuse

The Tour de France is news because our fave Lance "Tired of Being Tired?" Armstrong is "coming out of retirement" to race again (Oh GOODY!) From all the bed hopping he's been doing, I'd say he did quite a lot of, you know, during retirement...well, you can guess where I'm taking this......

Posted by: possum | September 18, 2008 11:27 AM | Report abuse

true 'dat mudge, and one of these days, we'll be seeing him in those ads with seinfeld and we'll be able to say we knew him when....

Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 11:29 AM | Report abuse

Does anyone suspect that the infamous taco was the complainant in the latest Gary Coleman police incident?

And why did I read the Maura Tierney comments as "... butt smoking through bronchitis"?

Posted by: Sasquatch has a sick mind | September 18, 2008 11:41 AM | Report abuse

You know Sas', when I first started to read Maura Tierney's quote "I've found myself doing things I'm not proud of..." my first thought was 'Oh what did she do with Andy Dick...'

Posted by: Dorkus | September 18, 2008 11:45 AM | Report abuse

The Tour de France is news because our fave Lance "Tired of Being Tired?" Armstrong is "coming out of retirement" to race again (Oh GOODY!) From all the bed hopping he's been doing, I'd say he did quite a lot of, you know, during retirement...well, you can guess where I'm taking this......

Posted by: possum | September 18, 2008 11:27 AM

------------------------------------------

I wonder how he did in the individual time trial events? Also, were there team time trial events?

Let's go to the tape!

Posted by: Sasquatch does Warner Wolf | September 18, 2008 11:47 AM | Report abuse

What are country listeners thinking?

Posted by: Me | September 18, 2008 10:56 AM

*******************************************

Me, just remember these are the same people who keep buying Toby Keith albums, so I'm just going to suggests that thinking is not their strong suit.

----------------------------------------

Wow, this feels weird to say but..
I'm actually going to defend Toby Keith. He's not great music, but he's a far cry better than Mizz Simpso's warbling. Sadly, I bet Mizz Simpson will sell as well as that Rascal Flats junk.

Posted by: EricS | September 18, 2008 11:50 AM | Report abuse

"Oh what did she do with Andy Dick..."

Dorkus, that is really, really sick.

Posted by: Sasquatch | September 18, 2008 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Dorkus, that is really, really sick.

Posted by: Sasquatch | September 18, 2008 11:57 AM

*******************************************

This from the cryptid who's mind read "butt smoking through bronchitis"?

Posted by: Dorkus | September 18, 2008 12:13 PM | Report abuse

I just had a though that scared the cr@p out of me...

The Dallas Cowboys claim to be "America's Team" (according to the people drinking the Cowbot Kool-Aid), that would, by extension, make Tony Romo "America's Quarterback" (a scary enough thought). Does that make Jessica Simpson "America's Girlfriend"??????

That thought might be scarier than Roseanne on a nude beach!!!

Posted by: Brutal needs to stop thinking for the day!!! | September 18, 2008 12:27 PM | Report abuse

That thought might be scarier than Roseanne on a nude beach!!!

Posted by: Brutal needs to stop thinking for the day!!! | September 18, 2008 12:27 PM

*******************************************

ep, do you still have the brain bleach from earlier?

And just what is so wrong about the Cowboys being America's Team? The Cowboys have given us the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and nachos.

Have the redskins, jets, eagles, or colts contributed to society in any measurable way?

Posted by: Dorkus | September 18, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Lynne Spears says she's to blame for Britney's woes...

Oooh, ya think? First she pimps out her daughters, then tries to make money from publishing a mea culpa afterwards. Talk about trying to have your cake and eat it too.


Brad Pitt donates money to California gay marriage initiative

Didn't Brangelina say they'd be willing to tie the knot once gay marriage also became legal? If November 4's initiative fails, will the paps go on wedding watch?


Hilary Swank briefly hospitalized, had a "small benign growth" removed

Maybe she got those equine-size tooth veneers replaced with normal-size ones. Does anyone know why do many actresses (and even some civilians) get such huge caps or veneers in the first place, when they're incredibly unattractive and downright mouth-distorting? Yuck!


Despite threats, Paul McCartney says he won't cancel concert in Israel

Bravo!

Posted by: Nosy Parker | September 18, 2008 12:37 PM | Report abuse

Technically Dorkus the Cowboys didn't give us nachos, they had been around since the 40's, mostly in Texas and Mexico. It wasn't until Howard Cosell mentioned them on air during a Cowboys game did they become popular through the rest of the U.S.

Posted by: Anon to avoid having things thrown at me | September 18, 2008 12:43 PM | Report abuse

"From all the bed hopping he's been doing, I'd say he did quite a lot of, you know, during retirement....you can guess where I'm taking this" --possum

To the "Tour de Lance," perhaps?

Posted by: td is just guessing | September 18, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Way to go with the America's Team reference. They've only been called that since the 1970s.

You know how the Dallas Cowboys' Cheerleader phenomenon got started. One Sunday, a cameraman who was apparently a red-blooded American man, focused on a cheerleader. She didn't know what to do, so she winked at the camera. And the ladies were suddenly everywhere. The went on USO tours to cheer up our troops over Christmas rather than being with their families. Every year, at the Thanksgiving game, the Cowboys kick off the Salvation Army's Red Kettle campaign.

So, what have you DONE lately?

Posted by: ep | September 18, 2008 12:46 PM | Report abuse

Have the redskins, jets, eagles, or colts contributed to society in any measurable way?

Posted by: Dorkus | September 18, 2008 12:31 PM

I can't speak for the Redskins or Eagles, but the Jets gave us Joe Namath and the Colts gave Baltimore faded glory and a chip on their shoulder...

Posted by: BxNY | September 18, 2008 12:49 PM | Report abuse

Yes, she's just such a role model for women everywhere who want to become liars, pandering to big gas & oil, preaching about how others should live to the point that she's missing what goes on under her nose in her own families. As a gender, truly we should be so proud of Sarah Palin.

If you watched the interview with Hannity (which I'll bet you did, you seem the type, and just so you know, I saw it, too, in its entirety), you would know this woman's got nothing upstairs. If I heard her say the word "cronyism" one more time I was going to vomit. She is gorgeous, well-spoken in terms of what she's been fed, but is incapable of original thought or empathy. She would be a phenomenal TV anchor, but a Vice President/President? God forbid.

Posted by: Go Sarah NOT | September 18, 2008 12:14 PM

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 12:56 PM | Report abuse

Again, are you serious? What person in their right mind would be "thrilled" that their 16-17 year old daughter got knocked up by the village crack-head? Teenage pregnancy is the quick road to chronic poverty. Aside from polygamous cult members, no sane person wants this for their child.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 12:24 PM

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 12:57 PM | Report abuse

Just when I thought it was safe to come out from hiding, they're back.

Posted by: troll droppings at 1:00 | September 18, 2008 1:02 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, Brutal, I'd say that Jessica Simpson is "America's Girlfriend". Too bad she's been passed around so much; she's getting a little shopworn.

The Redskins gave us "Hail to the Redskins" and a lot of fun intra-team quarterback rivalries? nah. never mind.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 18, 2008 1:02 PM | Report abuse

The Redskins gave the world a glimpse at Chris Cooley's junk.

The Eagles gave the world "Bounty Games" (F'in Buddy Ryan putting a bounty on a kicker's head. Dumb A$$, it's just a kicker!) and the notorious "Body Bag Game" (The Redskins haven't been the same since that fateful Monday Night).

Posted by: Brutal | September 18, 2008 1:12 PM | Report abuse

The Redskins gave the world an oh so brief glimpse at Chris Cooley's junk.

The Eagles have given the world "Bounty Bowls" and "Body Bag Games". Cowboy kickers and the Redskins haven't been the same since.

Posted by: Brutal | September 18, 2008 1:15 PM | Report abuse

Sorry for the double post. I got a weird error on my end with the first post.

Posted by: Brutal | September 18, 2008 1:16 PM | Report abuse

The hacker who broke into Sarah Palin's email account has, of course, been roundly condemned for his actions, but he has for the moment succeeded in reviving the unanswered question of why the Alaska governor had two quasi-official email addresses, gov.palin@yahoo.com and gov.sarah@yahoo.com. So central were the private accounts to Palin's state office that her secretary admonished a government aide who accidentally used a government email address instead. This use of the accounts is a naked affront to public records laws in Alaska. But it's not exceptional: It's one battle in a 30-years war between conservatives and civil libertarians over government openness, during which the current presidential administration itself blurred the linese between public and private email

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 1:18 PM | Report abuse

My friends at etruesports.com (masters of snark) had this to say about Lance Armstrong: "A spokesman for Lance Armstrong denied reports that the cyclist was forced to return to cycling in order to meet “staggering” court-ordered palimony payments to 47 of his ex-girlfriends."

I totally love the Tour de France. It makes three weeks in July totally unproductive for me because I'm addicted to watching it. I wish Lance would stay away.

What's with all the Hillary Swank bashing? She's a great actress, doesn't get in the tabloids, came from poverty to success...? (BTW, I'm not referring to b's awesome Chad Lowe reference--I need a new keyboard). Nosy, those are her real teeth, not veneers--check her out as a teenager in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (movie) or Karate Kid III and you'll see. My only issue with the girl is I wish she'd EAT SOMETHING...or get cast in another film like Million Dollar Baby that requires her to eat and put on some weight.

Which brings us to the skeletal actress thing (LA Times had an article today about the 90210 girls and some of the others, including Holly Hunter and Keira Sedgwick, Sarah Jessica Parker and some of the Desperate Housewives crowd, reminding us that the over-40 crowd is just as bad). So, in the spirit of our "actors we'd listen to reading the phone book" list, shall we create a Lizard Island Buffet and issue invitations? Keira Knightley gets the first invite. Angelina Jolie, Hillary Swank, and those mentioned above too.

Posted by: hermespal | September 18, 2008 1:22 PM | Report abuse

The 49ers and Steelers have won as many Super Bowls (5) as the Cowboys.

Posted by: football fan | September 18, 2008 1:24 PM | Report abuse

The Redskins gave the world an oh so brief glimpse at Chris Cooley's junk.

Posted by: Brutal | September 18, 2008 1:15 PM

I think "brief" is the key word here. I feel sorry for his wife. Its obvious why he doesnt wear speedos!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 1:26 PM | Report abuse

Hermespal, is there some safe way Swank could get her teeth un-embiggened? They detract from her beauty.

Posted by: Nosy Parker | September 18, 2008 1:27 PM | Report abuse

Well, my new system, C.R.A.P.S. crapped out. Back to the drawing board (as it were.)

Crosspost Rejection and Prevention System

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 1:42 PM | Report abuse

The Cleveland Browns gave us Stadium Mustard and the Baltimore Ravens. I love Stadium Mustard.

Posted by: Groovis is still bitter | September 18, 2008 1:43 PM | Report abuse

LOL Nosy, I agree they're her least attractive feature, but I don't think she can do anything about it.

Posted by: hermespal | September 18, 2008 1:44 PM | Report abuse

yum! Stadium Mustard!

Every time I go to visit my sister in Aurora, OH (erstwhile home of SeaWorld and Shamu), I pick up a couple of bottles.

Of mustard, not Shamu.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 18, 2008 1:58 PM | Report abuse

The Redskins gave the world an oh so brief glimpse at Chris Cooley's junk.

Posted by: Brutal | September 18, 2008 1:15 PM

I think "brief" is the key word here. I feel sorry for his wife. Its obvious why he doesnt wear speedos!


Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 1:26 PM


wait, what are you guys talking about? i hadnt heard anythign about this!!!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 1:58 PM | Report abuse

Here's the thing with Hilary Swank:

First, it's her name. Say "Swank" out loud. Now say "Jolie" and compare. Hilary Swank is the name of the girl leftover at the end of the night when the bar is closing.

Second, yes, it's the teeth. They are scary. See Freud re castration anxiety, blah, blah, blah.

Finally, did you ever notice that she makes a squinty-face when she's acting? It looks like she's in need of some of Jamie Lee Curtis' Activia yogurt.

So there, there's the deal with the Swankster.

Posted by: M Street | September 18, 2008 2:01 PM | Report abuse

BTW, what part are they giving Miley in that Nicholas Sparks film? A coastal rock? Flotsam and jetsam from the ocean? A seagull? An unnamed extra on the beach?

Help me out here?

Posted by: Curmudgeon judges Milely's acting talent and runs out of ideas | September 18, 2008 2:03 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon, apparently Sparks hasn't yet even written the novel upon which the screenplay of the movie of Miley's next big career step will be based:

"Sparks is now signed on to write a novel due out next year while also working on the screenplay specifically for the young starlet."

Maybe she plays Naked Teen In The Shower.

Posted by: but byoolin hopes it's "Flotsam and jetsam from the ocean." | September 18, 2008 2:09 PM | Report abuse

By the time this Nicholas Sparks project gets off the ground, Miss Miley will be too long-in-the-tooth (sort of like Hilary Swank?) to play the ingenue in the shower.

They'll have to go through re-casting for the "naked" role, which will probably go to someone Disney hasn't found yet or maybe the youngest Jonas brother.

Posted by: Curnudgeon sees the problems ahead | September 18, 2008 2:18 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon, hate to tell you Sea World of Ohio closed a few years ago. No more visits to Shamu.

I too am very bitter about the Browns move but still love the mustard.

I now live in Cinci whose team has contributed to the livelyhood of our Ohio Court judges and one of our stars has tried out Elias Howes name machine and turned out the new name of Ocho Cinco. Go Bungles!

Posted by: hodie | September 18, 2008 2:23 PM | Report abuse

ep: Liz, do you realize that you have referenced Sarah Palin more times this week than Paris Hilton, and almost as many times as Lindsey Lohan? It's tied with Britney Spears references. And most of the references have been subtle or not so subtle put downs of Governor Palin. How about we stick to genuine celebs and leave the politics out it. Snarking on celebs is a bipartisan activity.

Liz Kelly: Carm down. I'm sure the distinguished governor from Alaska can take a little good-natured ribbing.

Posted by: seriously ep!! | September 18, 2008 2:36 PM | Report abuse

Yean, hodie, I know. 'sniff'

Sea World is kerflumpt and Shamu and his wife have been flown back to Florida or whaerever.

But, there are "new" Cleveland Browns, the same old Indians, and Stadium Mustard at Heinen's.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 18, 2008 2:50 PM | Report abuse

The President Offers Comforting Words About the Economy During Our Time of NeedYeah, NOT: Outgoing President George W. Bush just made a statement about how the markets are dealing with "serious challenges" and how his administration is on top of it. It was approximately two minutes long, and though he was reading closely from notes he stumbled over his words and put all the emPHAsis on the wrong syllABles. He is so checked out, it's not even funny at all. However, he has canceled his travels and will be in Washington "closely monitoring the situation" (i.e. kicking back with a few cold ones).

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 2:51 PM | Report abuse

The only political comments Liz posts are always ALWAYS in relation to a celebrity. Such as today regarding Obama campaign turning down LiLo's assistance in today's Morning Mix.

Posted by: Got Liz's back | September 18, 2008 2:53 PM | Report abuse

Morning Mix: Ryan O'Neal, Son Arrested for Suspected Meth Possession
Headlines: Fergie tops People magazine's Best Dressed list... Lynne Spears says she's to blame for Britney's woes... Brad Pitt donates money to California gay marriage initiative... Despite threats, Paul McCartney says he won't cancel concert in Israel... Hilary Swank briefly hospitalized... Jessica Simpson tops country album chart... "Sex and the City's" Carrie Bradshaw getting teen novel reboot... Denise Richards's reality show coming back for second season... Miley Cyrus to star in upcoming Nicholas Sparks movie (as mentioned in yesterday's chat here at post.com)... Rose McGowan chastised for pro-IRA comments... Swag machine gears up for Sunday's Emmys... Microsoft pulling Gates/Seinfeld ads.

Crime Watch: Ryan O'Neal and son booked (and later released) on suspected meth possession... Actor Thomas Jane pleads no contest to DUI charge... Gary Coleman formally charged with reckless driving and disorderly conduct.

Rumor Mill: Obama campaign says "thanks, but no thanks" to help from Lindsay Lohan... "90210" producers plan intervention for "too-thin" stars.

Say What?
"Some celebrities become famous and they forget who they are or where they came from and hide out like some recluse. I'm not going to do that." -- Paris Hilton, keeping it real.

"I've found myself doing things I'm not proud of, like digging through the trash for a butt. Or smoking through bronchitis." -- "ER's" Maura Tierney.

Chat Day: Join me today at 2 p.m. ET for this week's Celebritology Live discussion.

By Liz | September 18, 2008; 7:37 AM ET | Category: Daily Mix
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First!

Posted by: First Comment | September 18, 2008 8:15 AM

Hilary, you say hospital stay, I say nose job.

Posted by: Osteph | September 18, 2008 8:19 AM

I take note of the story not covered by Queen Liz, i.e. the blood doping story from the Tour de France. Oh, wait did I say blood doping and the Tour de France? No, that is not news, just business as usual.

But I think some renaming is in order:

Tour De France is now Tour De Winehouse.

Mr. Winehouse's fetish for staying in the jail is now Tour De Big House.

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 8:26 AM

I think Ryan O'Neal's alibi may be that he's in training for the Tour de France.

Posted by: possum | September 18, 2008 8:38 AM

Why don't you hold off on your snarkiness until you see a picture of her in the next few weeks? Maybe she did, maybe she didn't.

Posted by: To Osteph | September 18, 2008 8:39 AM

Elias: what in the HE!! are you talking about? Go get a cup of strong coffee and come back to us.

Posted by: Alex | September 18, 2008 8:40 AM

What is the world coming to?
Wall Street is crashing, banks are failing - and now Jessica Simpson is at the top of the country charts?

Posted by: Groovis thinks things are going to hell in a handbasket | September 18, 2008 8:51 AM

Sorry, I thought I was allowed to snark... I apologize for making quick and rash judgements on a celebrity blog.

Posted by: Osteph | September 18, 2008 8:51 AM

Queen Liz, I knew you should have mentioned this article:

Blood Samples From Tour de France Retested for EPO

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/17/AR2008091703438.html


I guess possum and I are the only ones who saw it!

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 8:52 AM

Love means never having to say "put down that meth pipe and get a job."

Posted by: Groovis wonders "where do I begin?" | September 18, 2008 8:55 AM

Paris, thank you for keeping it real.

We are so grateful that now you're famous you won't forget who you are or where you came from and hide out like some recluse.

Whew! We Lizards were concerned that our snark options had fallen like the Dow-Jones.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 18, 2008 8:59 AM

"He reintroduced me to myself," Simpson revealed in the June issue of Glamour. "I thought that I had to be deeper, more profound and more artsy. You change with the guys you date."

well at least she's honest about being completely vapid.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 9:02 AM

Ah! Groovis, love has another meaning.

Love means never boguarding the stash when it comes to family!

Or as we say in the south, Beauregarding the stash!

(Not that Elias would ever approve of illicit drugs.)

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 9:02 AM

The testing technology can't keep up with the cheating technology. It's why Lance is willing to have another go at it. It's no coincidence that most of his former teammates have since been caught for doping...

Tis true the blood doping thing is amazing isn't it? Can you imagine someone willing to get blood taken out of their system, have a little of this and a little of that seasoned in to the broth and then have it reinjected in to their body?

I am sorry but when you cheat to win, the cheat is the winner, not you.

Posted by: LTL lost her faith in Lance before he dated a Trolsen | September 18, 2008 9:03 AM

sorry stepping off of soap box now...

Posted by: LTL goes back to regularly scheduled snarking | September 18, 2008 9:13 AM

Sorry, where was my head??? Snarkiness is absolutely encouraged!

Posted by: To Elias | September 18, 2008 9:14 AM

Can't say I'm all that suprised that the Obama campaign doesn't want Lindsey Lohan as a spokes person. For all ehr image rehab of late she's still, well, Lindsey Loahn. It's gonna be a while be she isn't radioactive to the rest of the world.

You keep it faux-real Paris.

Posted by: EricS | September 18, 2008 9:15 AM

Memo to Mr. Omar Bakri Muhammad, the "militant Lebanese Islamic activist" who urged Paul McCartney to stay home:

(a) It was 42 years ago, and
(b) *John Lennon*, not Sir Paul, who said it, and
(c) the name he used was "Jesus," not "Mohammed."

So get over yourself, sit the hell down, STFU and listen to the music, alright?

Regards,

Posted by: the prophet byoolin (PBUH) | September 18, 2008 9:17 AM

Good Lord, the world is going to heck! Lynne Spears, after writing a parenting book, admitting to being culpable in her daughter's troubles? Where is this world going to?

What next, Jessica Simpson goes to the top of the ... uhoh!

Don't tell me, Microsoft's going to realize how pointlessly useless the Gatesfeld ads were in promoting Vista in any ... ack!

Oh, wait, Paris is keeping it 'real' in a fauxish manner. Whew. Getting a little close to falling over the edge, there.

Posted by: Anonyonandon with two hands on edge of the handbasket | September 18, 2008 9:20 AM

BTW, Liz Kelly, your colleague Ann Hornaday might help you get past some of your reservations regarding Ricky Gervais' new movie. She writes that at the Toronto International Film Festival, "'Ghost Town' was earning enthusiastic word of mouth from critics and the public..."

And let's not forget that it costars poor Tea Leoni, who's married to that sex fiend Mulder.

Posted by: byoolin | September 18, 2008 9:22 AM

The poster read,

"The world is flat and we are all close to the edge!"


(Poster did not amuse Elias' superiors who though in only one dimension.)

Posted by: Elias Howe use to have a poster in his younger years | September 18, 2008 9:24 AM

Microsoft didn't cancel those ads. Your tv simply needs a new video card, a DRAM upgrade, some drivers, a 4TB hard drive and a few hours on the phone with tech support for you to be able to watch 'em, that's all.

Posted by: byoolin shows off his undocumented features. | September 18, 2008 9:26 AM

Queen Liz, I knew you should have mentioned this article:

Blood Samples From Tour de France Retested for EPO

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/17/AR2008091703438.html


I guess possum and I are the only ones who saw it!

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 8:52 AM

Wouldn't this be more appropriate in the sports section and not a celebrity column?

Oh and Paris Hilton, thanks for being the vapid airhead we all love. Don't ever change.

Posted by: to Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 9:29 AM

The bank repossessed the handbasket. We're on our own! Everybody tighten your sphincter. It's gonna get fugly!!!!

Posted by: Brutal thinks we're utterly screwed!!! | September 18, 2008 9:32 AM

Blood doping at the Tour: Elias, not only did I not see it until you posted the link to it, when I read the article my first reaction was, "What? I *missed* the Tour de France this year?!?"

(Now that I think about it, le Tour happened at about the same time that a certain bat-rastard cable company whose name rhymes with 'Bombast' took Versus off the basic cable list for my area.)

Posted by: byoolin's just relieved he wasn't competing this year. | September 18, 2008 9:33 AM

Hey, I was asked to explain and the whole thing was a snark on M/M Winehouse...

Oh, never mind, back to the lab for Elias.

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 9:33 AM

Uh, Paris, does that mean more sex tapes?

I mean, why are you famous?

Posted by: Amelia | September 18, 2008 9:33 AM

So byoolin, I was thinking, maybe Sir Paul should meet with Mr. Omar Bakri Muhammad, and maybe tell him to, oh I don't know, let it be, let it be...(but he probably shouldn't say live and let die)

Posted by: Dorkus who's here all week, please tip your waitress... | September 18, 2008 9:35 AM

And as for the O'Ryans, I guess the family that does drugs together, stays together.

Posted by: Sappho | September 18, 2008 9:35 AM

Hilary Swank briefly hospitalized...
until doctors realized that her face always looks like that.

Posted by: M Street | September 18, 2008 9:37 AM

psst Sappho, its the O'Neals.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 9:38 AM

And as for the O'Ryans, I guess the family that does drugs together, stays together.

Posted by: Sappho | September 18, 2008 9:35 AM
----
psst Sappho, its the O'Neals.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 9:38 AM

***

Yes, Sappho: "O'Ryan," sometimes called "The Hunter," is that beautiful constellation visible in the fall & winter skies.

It's also the only one named after an Irishman.

Posted by: byoolin keeps watching the stars. | September 18, 2008 9:42 AM

I'm sorry but didn't they start filming the new 90210 only a couple months ago hiring brand new actresses? So if they were so concerned about girls too thin why didn't they hire different actresses who had some curves?? I find it very hard to believe that all of a sudden these girls dropped a ton of weight.

Posted by: 9021-oh yeah? | September 18, 2008 9:44 AM

and maybe tell him to, oh I don't know, let it be, let it be...(but he probably shouldn't say live and let die)


And maybe a few verses from Get Back!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 9:48 AM

This is totally off topic - but I was a little grossed out just now. The National Enquirer reported that Robert Conrad's wife, a 48 year old woman, was arrested for smoking meth. The story goes on to say that Conrad is 79 and he married his wife in 1977!!! So, at the time of their marriage, she would have been 17 years old (maybe JUST 18) and he would have been 48!!! Robert Conrad, aka Pappy Boyington! I need to go wash my hands.

Posted by: Groovis is now skeeved out | September 18, 2008 9:50 AM

This merely confirms the rumor that Pappy is R. Kelly father!

Posted by: the answer is simple, Groovis | September 18, 2008 9:53 AM

Groovis, do you think that after Robert Conrad married her, his family treated him like a black sheep?

Posted by: Dorkus who promises to stop at some point | September 18, 2008 9:54 AM

Really people. . .does anyone *actually* give a rat's patoot what goes on at the Tour de France? Look inside and be honest with yourselves.

I thought not.

Rose McGowan needs to STFU. What a completely moronic statement to make. Typical statement made by someone who's had a life led in comfort and safety, but desperately wants a little hard edge cred to ameliorate her mediocrity.

Posted by: jelo | September 18, 2008 9:59 AM

Hey, this was before the introduction of V-i-a-g-r-a. Ehhhhhhhhh. And how does this relate to the Lindbergh baby?

Posted by: To Dorkus | September 18, 2008 10:00 AM

Dorkus - Perhaps they did, but you can be sure they went "Baa! Baa!"


Posted by: Anonyonandon | September 18, 2008 10:00 AM

And as for the O'Ryans, I guess the family that does drugs together, stays together.

Posted by: Sappho | September 18, 2008 9:35 AM
----
psst Sappho, its the O'Neals.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 9:38 AM

***

Yes, Sappho: "O'Ryan," sometimes called "The Hunter," is that beautiful constellation visible in the fall & winter skies.

It's also the only one named after an Irishman.

Posted by: byoolin keeps watching the stars. | September 18, 2008 9:42 AM

Ooops. My bad. Thanks for the correction. Guess my decaffinated tea hasn't kicked in yet.

Posted by: Sappho | September 18, 2008 10:02 AM

It could have been worse...I could have called the patriarch Neal O'Ryan.

Posted by: Sappho | September 18, 2008 10:03 AM

Ya'all think that the Yoko Romo (not my invention) is a sign that htings are bad. Apparently, the world of reality tv has fallen on such hard times that Denise Richards' show is coming back.

Really, there was no other no-talent, desperate for attention former Playboy model in Hollywood that they could follow around with a camera instead?

Posted by: ep | September 18, 2008 10:08 AM

Rose McGowan is pro-IRA? Silly girl; she should max out her 401(k) match and diversify her portfolio instead.

Posted by: td | September 18, 2008 10:09 AM

According to IMDB, Mr. and Mrs. Robert Conrad were married in 1983. Her age is not listed.

In other news, the O'Neal family has announced that they will be holding Thanksgiving dinner this year at Promises Malibu.

Posted by: 44west | September 18, 2008 10:10 AM

Really, there was no other no-talent, desperate for attention former Playboy model in Hollywood that they could follow around with a camera instead?

Posted by: ep | September 18, 2008 10:08 AM

*******************************************

Well, they already gave Pamela Anderson her own show.

Posted by: Dorkus | September 18, 2008 10:10 AM

I watched that Gates/Seinfeld ad on the Windows website. Painfully long, like four minutes (though maybe that clip is a compilation of multiple ads).

It's just a stale concept -- rich people get in touch with "real people" -- though "I have so many cars I get caught in my own traffic" was pretty funny, if dated.

Jerry, ding ding! 15 minutes. Now go back to your residuals. Shoo!

Posted by: td | September 18, 2008 10:19 AM

According to IMDB, Mr. and Mrs. Robert Conrad were married in 1983. Her age is not listed.

Posted by: 44west | September 18, 2008 10:10 AM

*************************
This is an interesting little mystery - because a bunch of sites list 1983 as their marriage date and others list 1977. They have a 25 year old daughter - so that means she was born in 1983. What's also interesting is that "Black Sheep Squadron" was on TV in 1977 - so maybe the network had something to do with making sure the story didn't come out......

Posted by: Groovis the detective | September 18, 2008 10:23 AM

Byoolin, you forgot the required ActiveX Humor(tm) plugin. Those are the first commercials I've seen in a while where I actually said, "Huh?" out loud at the end.

Posted by: Bawlmer | September 18, 2008 10:24 AM

So byoolin, I was thinking, maybe Sir Paul should meet with Mr. Omar Bakri Muhammad, and maybe tell him to, oh I don't know, let it be, let it be...(but he probably shouldn't say live and let die)

Posted by: Dorkus who's here all week, please tip your waitress... | September

But no pun intended.....

Posted by: hodie, gives a rimshot and a groan for Dorkus | September 18, 2008 10:24 AM

Robert Conrad is like four feet tall. They must've had cameras with a lot of height settings to film him in "Baa Baa Black Sheep" and (one of the greatest shows ever) "The Wild Wild West."

I guess he reported his wife to the cops after first putting the meth on his shoulder and saying, "Knock it off. Go on, I dare you!"

Posted by: td is glad he didnt get a battery charge | September 18, 2008 10:25 AM

BTW, I am testing my newest invention today right here on the Island. It is called C.R.A.P.

But I can't tell you what C.R.A.P. stands for until the end of the test later today.

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 10:29 AM

Gary Coleman busted for disorderly conduct...."Whatch you talkin' about Willis?!" Gary claims innocence stating he couldn't have possibly been driving as he can't reach the pedals.

Paris says she will never forget where she came from....the Hilton mansion or penthouse or wherever. Yeah Paris, make sure you don't forget the little people who made it possible. (no disrespect for Gary)

Posted by: hodie, suprised no one has said this already | September 18, 2008 10:29 AM

"Miley Cyrus to star in ... Nicholas Sparks movie" -- The Marble Notebook.

Posted by: td | September 18, 2008 10:38 AM

Elias, dude,
It's Bogart, not boguard. It comes from the term "don't Bogart that joint," which is in reference to the way Humphrey Bogart held his cigarettes in all the movies.

Don't worry, Sappho, Neal O'Ryan is probably what he calls himself when he's toasted.

Posted by: b, who reads a lot and that's why she knows this | September 18, 2008 10:41 AM

sez Hillary had a "small benign growth" removed.

I thought she and Chad Lowe got divorced a long time ago.

Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 10:45 AM

B.

OK Bogart, I had to check the Urban Dictionary for the spelling. I see that Bogart is in there also.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=boguard

Like I say, Elias don't know nuthin' 'bout no illicit drugs.

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 18, 2008 10:45 AM

The Gates/Seinfeld commercials failed the basics of advertising -- mention the product. Really, they were just about Seinfeld and Gates hanging out and Seinfeld riffing on what he wanted computers to do in the future. The site of Bill Gates adjusting his shorts is just below the Verne Troyer sex tape in terms of "Things for Which There Is not Enough Brain Bleach in the World To Erase."

There was nothing that made want to buy a PC with the evil Vista on it.

Posted by: ep | September 18, 2008 10:55 AM

Ooh, b, you might just have written the comment of the week:
----


sez Hillary had a "small benign growth" removed.

I thought she and Chad Lowe got divorced a long time ago.

Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 10:45 AM
---

Posted by: Liz Kelly | September 18, 2008 10:56 AM

I heard Jessica Simpson sing on The View the other day. She sounded like a cat whose tail was being constantly smashed by a rocking chair. What are country listeners thinking?

Posted by: Me | September 18, 2008 10:56 AM

What are country listeners thinking?

Posted by: Me | September 18, 2008 10:56 AM

*******************************************

Me, just remember these are the same people who keep buying Toby Keith albums, so I'm just going to suggests that thinking is not their strong suit.

Posted by: Dorkus who does enjoy GOOD country music | September 18, 2008 11:01 AM

What are country listeners thinking?

Posted by: Me | September 18, 2008 10:56 AM

*****

They're not thinking about the eerie correlation between "places where country music is most popular" and "the red states," but I am.

Posted by: byoolin hears the BKD train a'comin'. | September 18, 2008 11:18 AM

re: Jessica Simpson

maybe they're not "country" listeners, but listeners in another country...maybe another country that has no music of its own, is hearing it for the first time....

nah, even with that scenario, it still makes no sense.

thanks Liz Kelly!


Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 11:22 AM

Mr Elias' brain is filled with creative, advanced, state-of-the-art, leading edge technology ideas like C.R.A.P, which is almost ready for beta testing.

He has no room for counter-culture references like "Boogar" and stuff.

And besides, like every good Lizard, he don't know nuthin' 'bout no illicit drugs

Posted by: Curmudgeon admires a man with a tool | September 18, 2008 11:24 AM

then again, JeSimp is from texas, isn't she? and that *is* a whole other country.....

Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 11:27 AM

The Tour de France is news because our fave Lance "Tired of Being Tired?" Armstrong is "coming out of retirement" to race again (Oh GOODY!) From all the bed hopping he's been doing, I'd say he did quite a lot of, you know, during retirement...well, you can guess where I'm taking this......

Posted by: possum | September 18, 2008 11:27 AM

true 'dat mudge, and one of these days, we'll be seeing him in those ads with seinfeld and we'll be able to say we knew him when....

Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 11:29 AM

Does anyone suspect that the infamous taco was the complainant in the latest Gary Coleman police incident?

And why did I read the Maura Tierney comments as "... butt smoking through bronchitis"?

Posted by: Sasquatch has a sick mind | September 18, 2008 11:41 AM

You know Sas', when I first started to read Maura Tierney's quote "I've found myself doing things I'm not proud of..." my first thought was 'Oh what did she do with Andy Dick...'

Posted by: Dorkus | September 18, 2008 11:45 AM


The Tour de France is news because our fave Lance "Tired of Being Tired?" Armstrong is "coming out of retirement" to race again (Oh GOODY!) From all the bed hopping he's been doing, I'd say he did quite a lot of, you know, during retirement...well, you can guess where I'm taking this......

Posted by: possum | September 18, 2008 11:27 AM

------------------------------------------

I wonder how he did in the individual time trial events? Also, were there team time trial events?

Let's go to the tape!

Posted by: Sasquatch does Warner Wolf | September 18, 2008 11:47 AM

What are country listeners thinking?

Posted by: Me | September 18, 2008 10:56 AM

*******************************************

Me, just remember these are the same people who keep buying Toby Keith albums, so I'm just going to suggests that thinking is not their strong suit.

----------------------------------------

Wow, this feels weird to say but..
I'm actually going to defend Toby Keith. He's not great music, but he's a far cry better than Mizz Simpso's warbling. Sadly, I bet Mizz Simpson will sell as well as that Rascal Flats junk.

Posted by: EricS | September 18, 2008 11:50 AM

"Oh what did she do with Andy Dick..."

Dorkus, that is really, really sick.

Posted by: Sasquatch | September 18, 2008 11:57 AM

Dorkus, that is really, really sick.

Posted by: Sasquatch | September 18, 2008 11:57 AM

*******************************************

This from the cryptid who's mind read "butt smoking through bronchitis"?

Posted by: Dorkus | September 18, 2008 12:13 PM

I just had a though that scared the cr@p out of me...

The Dallas Cowboys claim to be "America's Team" (according to the people drinking the Cowbot Kool-Aid), that would, by extension, make Tony Romo "America's Quarterback" (a scary enough thought). Does that make Jessica Simpson "America's Girlfriend"??????

That thought might be scarier than Roseanne on a nude beach!!!

Posted by: Brutal needs to stop thinking for the day!!! | September 18, 2008 12:27 PM

That thought might be scarier than Roseanne on a nude beach!!!

Posted by: Brutal needs to stop thinking for the day!!! | September 18, 2008 12:27 PM

*******************************************

ep, do you still have the brain bleach from earlier?

And just what is so wrong about the Cowboys being America's Team? The Cowboys have given us the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and nachos.

Have the redskins, jets, eagles, or colts contributed to society in any measurable way?

Posted by: Dorkus | September 18, 2008 12:31 PM

Lynne Spears says she's to blame for Britney's woes...

Oooh, ya think? First she pimps out her daughters, then tries to make money from publishing a mea culpa afterwards. Talk about trying to have your cake and eat it too.


Brad Pitt donates money to California gay marriage initiative

Didn't Brangelina say they'd be willing to tie the knot once gay marriage also became legal? If November 4's initiative fails, will the paps go on wedding watch?


Hilary Swank briefly hospitalized, had a "small benign growth" removed

Maybe she got those equine-size tooth veneers replaced with normal-size ones. Does anyone know why do many actresses (and even some civilians) get such huge caps or veneers in the first place, when they're incredibly unattractive and downright mouth-distorting? Yuck!


Despite threats, Paul McCartney says he won't cancel concert in Israel

Bravo!

Posted by: Nosy Parker | September 18, 2008 12:37 PM

Technically Dorkus the Cowboys didn't give us nachos, they had been around since the 40's, mostly in Texas and Mexico. It wasn't until Howard Cosell mentioned them on air during a Cowboys game did they become popular through the rest of the U.S.

Posted by: Anon to avoid having things thrown at me | September 18, 2008 12:43 PM

"From all the bed hopping he's been doing, I'd say he did quite a lot of, you know, during retirement....you can guess where I'm taking this" --possum

To the "Tour de Lance," perhaps?


Posted by: td is just guessing | September 18, 2008 12:44 PM

Way to go with the America's Team reference. They've only been called that since the 1970s.

You know how the Dallas Cowboys' Cheerleader phenomenon got started. One Sunday, a cameraman who was apparently a red-blooded American man, focused on a cheerleader. She didn't know what to do, so she winked at the camera. And the ladies were suddenly everywhere. The went on USO tours to cheer up our troops over Christmas rather than being with their families. Every year, at the Thanksgiving game, the Cowboys kick off the Salvation Army's Red Kettle campaign.

So, what have you DONE lately?

Posted by: ep | September 18, 2008 12:46 PM

Have the redskins, jets, eagles, or colts contributed to society in any measurable way?

Posted by: Dorkus | September 18, 2008 12:31 PM

I can't speak for the Redskins or Eagles, but the Jets gave us Joe Namath and the Colts gave Baltimore faded glory and a chip on their shoulder...

I thought Robt. Irsay was responsible for the Baltimore chip....

Posted by: b | September 18, 2008 2:58 PM | Report abuse

Good news, America, your president shares your concern about the massive financial collapse that's been happening on his watch! In fact, he canceled his travel plans today so he can sit at the ready in the White House in case he needs to take action! Don't worry, steps are being taken to ensure that our economy will stabilize and improve! Got any questions? Too bad, he's not taking them.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 2:58 PM | Report abuse

Sue, what color is the circle of witches who gather and sacrifice small animals, smoke a few hallucinigens? I heard they dance around in the buff during a full moon. Grown-up and children. They have to be taught sometime, don't they?

BTW, you can learn a lot of women's magazines....McCalls, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, Cosmo. I got most of my education from Helen Gurley Brown.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

There once was a man named Sir Lancelot
Who went to parties and danced a lot
When making a pass
At a young pretty lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot!

Posted by: I see England, I see France. I see lance in the Tour de France | September 18, 2008 3:14 PM | Report abuse

Most would say he is a "dry drunk". It ain't pretty. And Laura sneaks a cig whenever she can. Can't blame her...

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 3:18 PM | Report abuse

Mudge - your talk of Sea World has made me homesick. My favorite teenage summers were spent running the Double Loop at Geauga Lake.

Posted by: Groovis always liked the otter the best | September 18, 2008 3:19 PM | Report abuse

Geauga Lake is gone for the mostpart, too.

I guess the park's fees got too expensive and not all the rides were always running.

Too sad.

But you can still rent the Rocket Car, which was made from one of the rocket gondolas from a ride at Euclid Beach.

Posted by: Curmudgeon was a buckeye for most of her formative years | September 18, 2008 3:24 PM | Report abuse

is it less surprising or embarrassing when your child proudly pipes up, "I know you have boobies?" or "I know you have a weewee"? Silly euphemisms show that the uttering kid's parents are immature and uncomfortable with themselves. Pick your poison.

Posted by: to Whacky | September 18, 2008 3:14 PM

How 'bout when Whacky's kid tells the driver in the next lane to "go fock himself"?

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 3:28 PM | Report abuse

"Why, oh why, oh why, oh
did I ever leave Ohio?"

From "Wonderful Town," lyrics by Comden/Green, music by Leonard Bernstein.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 3:30 PM | Report abuse

Has anyone seen this?

Jessica Simpson: I'm Making a Stand for Women's Rights
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20226896,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines

I have to go throw up now.

Posted by: Riley | September 18, 2008 3:31 PM | Report abuse

Riley,

Does the article explain just how Miss Jessica plans to go about making a stand for women's rights?

Will she be wearing her daisey dukes and taking orders from dad?

Somehow I think we can do without her help.

Posted by: Curmudgeon is afraid of settinf the Movement back 30 years | September 18, 2008 3:36 PM | Report abuse

Normally I enjoy a good(?) snark on Jessica Simpson as much as the next lizard, but this time I'll cut her a little slack, since she'll be performing at a fundraiser for the Rape Crisis Center in Las Vegas. While her comments about her dedication to this cause may sound fatuous to some, they're preferable Helen Mirren's recent one about date-rape (although in fairness to Dame Helen, I suspect she was talking more about the failure of British courts to take the subject seriously enough).

Posted by: Nosy Parker | September 18, 2008 3:54 PM | Report abuse

Dreamy Silver Fox Anderson Cooper may have a new boyfriend. Village Voice gossip Michael Musto is doing some whispering about a strapping young lad named Jonathan Chase who may or may not be canoodling with the esteemed CNN anchor. Cute! We care not because we're pointing fingers at a gay person, but because it's as newsworthy (or, at least, gossipworthy) as who Kate Hudson or Leonardo DiCaprio is dating. We're, um, orientation blind.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 3:57 PM | Report abuse

Microsoft didn't cancel those ads. Your tv simply needs a new video card, a DRAM upgrade, some drivers, a 4TB hard drive and a few hours on the phone with tech support for you to be able to watch 'em, that's all.

Posted by: byoolin shows off his undocumented features. | September 18, 2008 9:26 AM

*********

I never did see those ads. Everytime one of them would come on, my TV would spontaneously shut off and black screen. It would then take me a few minutes to find the remote and reboot, I mean, turn the TV back on.

Posted by: alex (with the lowercase a) | September 18, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

You all are talking about Geauga Lake and not Cedar Point? CP was and still is WAY better...

Posted by: Osteph was a buckeye too | September 18, 2008 4:10 PM | Report abuse

Mudge and Groovis, didn't Geauga lake get replaced with another park?? I think it's a water park now if I'm not mistaken. I too loved the double loop b/c the line was short and you could ride it over and over and over..... BUT Cedar Point is still the best!

Posted by: hodie admits she is a former Penguin, Mudge and Groovis will know what this is | September 18, 2008 4:16 PM | Report abuse

One of my classmates is (was?) married to Pat Daley, who was (is?) a well-known entertainer at Cedar Point.

Everyone, sing - with ooomph:

"What's round on the ends and HI in the middle . . . "

Posted by: Curmudgeon deown't miss the NE Ohio winters | September 18, 2008 4:17 PM | Report abuse

Hey Osteph, didn't see your post. You are right, CP is best. Went there this year.

Posted by: hodie, still a buckeye | September 18, 2008 4:18 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for your patience, other non-Ohio Lizards . . .

Sea World went first. Then Geauga Lake became Six Flags. Then Six Flags went away and I think only the water park is left, and that's probably not long for this world.

Posted by: to the other buckeyes from Curmudgeon | September 18, 2008 4:21 PM | Report abuse

I wish I could go. Six Flags in MD just don't cut it... 100 foot roller coasters? PUL-EZE. Give me Millennium Force any day!

And well-known performer at CP? I didn't know they had those. I thought they were all college kids.

Posted by: Osteph showing her geeky love of CP | September 18, 2008 4:23 PM | Report abuse

I third CP as being the best.
Cedar Point in Sandusky, OH is the best. I have been to Disney Land, Disney World, Kings Island, and several different 6 flags and CP is the best of the lot.

Posted by: dw | September 18, 2008 4:23 PM | Report abuse

can we keep the reminiscing of ohio crapola to a minimum please? or at least find another blog to post them at?

Posted by: geez | September 18, 2008 4:26 PM | Report abuse

Maybe Pat Daley performed in a Cedar Point bar or at a hotel or something. Maybe he's the night life.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 18, 2008 4:28 PM | Report abuse

I fully apologize, back to topics a la celeb

Jada-I-am-a-closet-scientologist-Smith is going to have her own show on TNT...?

http://tv.yahoo.com/show/37334/news/urn:newsml:tv.reuters.com:20080918:jada_dc__ER:27904

Posted by: Osteph | September 18, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

hodie, did you kick the habit or am i reading too much into it?

Posted by: Brutal had his knuckle broken by an evil penguin | September 18, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

perfect match:

anderson cooper and jake gylenhall.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 4:31 PM | Report abuse

hodie, did you kick the habit or am i reading too much into it?

Posted by: Brutal had his knuckle broken by an evil penguin | September 18, 2008 4:30 PM

Yes I have if I understand you correctly...

Posted by: hodie, I apologize for another Ohio reference | September 18, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

Sure, geez. That oughta do it.

There's nothing left to be said about Ohio.

now, what would you like to snark about, geez?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 18, 2008 4:37 PM | Report abuse

Um, kids are going to ask embarassing questions, or say embarassing things in public. And they're going to learn all the right/wrong words from their friends at school, even if they don't learn them at home or from the teacher. It's the nature of the little beasts.

My moment was on a city bus - and I just gulped, and answered the question as simply and matter-of-factly as I could. The rest of the passengers were *quite* attentive to the question, but they seemed to get bored very fast with the answer, and nobody paid us the slightest attention for the rest of the ride.

Really, those situations are going to happen with almost all kids, and it only has to be as embarassing and uncomfortable as the parent chooses to make it at the time.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 18, 2008 4:42 PM | Report abuse

Hodie, Mudge and Osteph - If you went to Geauga Lake between 1977-79, I was probably running the Double Loop - it was a blast.

Of course, CP has always been better. Ours was just a little park owned by a bunch of Mafia guys......

Posted by: Groovis hated the funky green uniforms | September 18, 2008 4:45 PM | Report abuse

Speaking of Jada-I-am-a-closet-scientologist-(Pinkett) Smith today is her 37th birthday. Do Scientologists celebrate holidays?

Posted by: Goody | September 18, 2008 4:46 PM | Report abuse

Groovis,

Are you telling us that Geauga Lake was a money laundromat for the Cleveland Mafia?

Owe, the humanity!

Posted by: Curmudgeon is taken aback | September 18, 2008 4:48 PM | Report abuse

Mudge - oh heck, yes - Mafia all the way. Do you remember the ballroom? Back in the days of prohibition, folks used to head out of the city to the ballroom for some dancin', a card game or two, and a little libation. Things grew from there......

Posted by: Groovis remembers all the owners wore pinkie rings | September 18, 2008 4:57 PM | Report abuse

put a fork in it. this blog is done. its become the "luvohio" blog full of posts from geezers.

Posted by: simi | September 18, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

Don't be so cranky! What's wrong with a little OH reminiscing? It won't kill you to read a few friendly, off-topic posts. If you don't like it, just post your own scintillating Celebritology snark for us to enjoy.

Posted by: sosume, alex likes the personal discussions | September 18, 2008 5:27 PM | Report abuse

Being from the great state of Michigan originally (until I found the even greater state of Texas, now I just try to be in the state of inebriation), I went to CP twice. I still have fond memories of that. I have fonder memories of Sea World than my dad does (don't take sick kid if you don't want to deal with the inevitable consequences).

Having said that, so this doesn't turn into an Ohio lovefest, your football teams stink. My Boys put a huge hurting on your Browns. Heheheheehehe.

Posted by: ep | September 18, 2008 5:32 PM | Report abuse

Wow!

So, ep, you're saying that some of your DNA had been splattered all over Groovis' Double Loop?

woah.

Posted by: Curmudgeon is amazed at the coincidences uncovered here | September 18, 2008 5:42 PM | Report abuse

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