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Posted at 11:11 AM ET, 09/15/2008

Reading List: Lynne Spears's Parental Advisory

By Liz Kelly

(Image courtesy Thomas Nelson)

Tomorrow Lynne Spears's hotly anticipated book, "Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World," debuts. The buzz preceding this launch hasn't been seen Christopher Ciccone's "Life with My Sister Madonna" landed with a resounding thud in July.

Says Spears of her book:

"... [this is] the story of one simple Southern woman whose family got caught in a tornado called fame, and who is still trying to sort through the debris scattered all over her life in the aftermath. It's who I am, warts and all, with some true confessions that took a long time to get up the nerve to discuss."

Spears's prescient use of storm imagery alone is enough to whet my appetite for the rest of the book. What other metaphors can the showbiz mom of the century employ to illustrate her hardscrabble life? Might we suggest "This is the story of a woman whose life hit a skyscraper like so many tons of crumpled air frame?" or "I long to emerge from my cave-like exile to visit vengeance upon my infidel critics"?

As if magical prose weren't enough, the book also promises to reveal the secrets of Lynne's parenting wins and illustrate how she successfully parlayed the meager talents of her offspring into pop stardom, tabloid dominance and teen pregnancy!

In a video posted on hot Internet video clearinghouse GodTube, Lynn discusses the importance of family and roots:

And before you dismiss Lynne's book as a crass grab for money or yet another in a long, bloated line of celebrity fluff reading, first consider its esteemed company. According to Amazon.com, customers who viewed Lynne's book also ultimately bought Tori Spelling's "sTORI Telling," the afore-mentioned Christopher Ciccone offering and the rushed into re-print "Sarah: How a Hockey Mom Turned Alaska's Political Establishment Upside Down."

So there you go.

By Liz Kelly  | September 15, 2008; 11:11 AM ET
Categories:  Britney Spears, Celebrities, Reading  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Morning Mix: Lindsay Lohan Calls Sarah Palin a 'Homophobe'
Next: Morning Mix: Brangelina Named Hollywood's Most Powerful Couple

Comments

ug.

Posted by: former 21044 | September 15, 2008 11:23 AM | Report abuse

I think its ridiculous how Dina and Lynne always say if they could go back they would still have let their kids persue stardom. Considering the consequenses I think that in itself is a selfish statement meaning pretty much - at least our family is rich now! Their excuse is saying what kind of mother would hold their child back from their dreams? But how many kids say "I want to be famous!" And how many parents say "that's nice dear now do your homework!"

I think the one exception is Christina's mom. When you see the tapes of her as a little girl singing its amazing. I think if I was her mother I would say - ok you have an amazing natural talent we'll see what we can do. For Brit and Lilo they were just cute kids with so-so talent and knowing what we know now if I was their parents I would wish I could go back and stop the whole thing.

Posted by: bahston | September 15, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

A tornado is an unexpected disaster. Given her choices -- what happened to her kids was hardly unexpected. She shoved her kids into Hollywood. Then refused to act like a parent to protect them. When your kid is having sex at 14 -- you stop it. You don't just go "Oh dear, how in the world will we deal with the fame?"

Posted by: ep | September 15, 2008 11:43 AM | Report abuse

has Dina BLohan written a book yet? It could be a story of how she over came her children's marginal talents to make them the stars they are today and still be Mother of the Year according the the Long Island Rehab Society!

I've gotta go puke now!

Posted by: Brutal | September 15, 2008 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Level of suprise........zero.


The poor trees, lumps of coal, gallons of diesel and other consumables used in the manufacturing of this garbage.

Posted by: EricS | September 15, 2008 11:47 AM | Report abuse

Wow. I don't even WANT to know what you find when you turn Alaska upside down. I have a feeling it might be even worse than Lynne Spears.

Posted by: possum | September 15, 2008 11:59 AM | Report abuse

Damn, Lynne! My book: "Through the Brain, A Real Story of Invention and Innovation in a Electronic World" by Elias Howe, Father of SNARKS, SCUMS and other useful Inventions is scheduled to be released tomorrow also!

I really appreciate this, Lynne, as my book will now be No. 2 on the list of least purchased books!

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 15, 2008 12:15 PM | Report abuse

Lynne needs an interpreter so I'm here to help.

"... [this is] the story of one simple (not very bright) Southern woman whose family got caught in a tornado (tossed their children to the Hollywood wolves)called fame, and who is still trying to sort through the debris (figure out where the money is going to come from) scattered all over her life in the aftermath. It's who I am, warts and all, with some true confessions (Lynne's very own revisionist history) that took a long time to get up the nerve to discuss (took a long time to find some sucker who would publish)."

Posted by: jes | September 15, 2008 12:23 PM | Report abuse

Wow! Elias!

Who knew you were literary?

I'll take a copy. I can use it for the christmas office gift exchange.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 15, 2008 12:23 PM | Report abuse

N.B. I did not say "read", I said purchased.

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 15, 2008 12:23 PM | Report abuse

Mudge, On the title page, it also reads "With the Copious Help and Editing of Mrs. Howe."

I will personally autograph your copy,

"With Best Wishes, to the Office Mate of Mudge"

(signed) M/M Howe

Posted by: Elias Howe | September 15, 2008 12:29 PM | Report abuse

"As if magical prose weren't enough, the book also promises to reveal the secrets of Lynne's parenting wins and illustrate how she successfully parlayed the meager talents of her offspring into pop stardom, tabloid dominance and teen pregnancy!"

She's into Oprah's "The Secret" isn't she?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | September 15, 2008 12:34 PM | Report abuse

Jes, that's brilliant!

Posted by: Nosy Parker | September 15, 2008 12:36 PM | Report abuse

ew. just the possibility that we're going to contribute to the number of hits this piece of trailer-table trash gets on google makes me want to go home and take a bath.

Posted by: b | September 15, 2008 12:52 PM | Report abuse

Queen Liz, is there a reason the link on the front page says "2007 Year of the Celebrity DUI?"

Posted by: ep | September 15, 2008 1:30 PM | Report abuse

If only Lynne had slipped a galley to Sarah Palin to get a blurb out of, she might have been able to steer around Bristol's misadventure. Or at least gotten her a recording contract.

Posted by: HardyW | September 15, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

If only Lynne had slipped a galley to Sarah Palin to get a blurb out of, she might have been able to steer around Bristol's misadventure. Or at least gotten her a recording contract.

Posted by: HardyW | September 15, 2008 2:19 PM

Or broker the sale of the photos of Bristol's baby.

Posted by: Tee hee | September 15, 2008 2:59 PM | Report abuse

Pallin = Lynne Spears = Republican White Trash.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 15, 2008 3:04 PM | Report abuse

I didn't know this was a politcal blog? Hmmmmmmm, Liz do you have an agenda.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 15, 2008 3:17 PM | Report abuse

I didn't know this was a politcal blog? Hmmmmmmm, Liz do you have an agenda.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 15, 2008 3:17 PM

Check her Facebook wall comments from today. LOL. ;0)

And really, why is PaLin white trash? Just because her daughter's pregnant? Yikes. Guess I know a lot of white trash single mothers then.

Posted by: Nosey one. | September 15, 2008 3:22 PM | Report abuse

Quite frankly the movie theater and really the whole mall is a flashpoint of race, class and age. Every stereotype was played out over and over again there. Poor African-American kids, teenagers, and young adults in large groups from the surrounding neighborhoods came there because it's relatively cheap entertainment and a place to hang out. Columbia Heights, Gallery Place, downtown Silver Spring and Pentagon City all face the same challenges to varying degrees. They all straddle the regional race/class dividing lines and the resentment over "gentrification" has only highlighted it further. It's impossible to say without being "racist" but I'll say it anyway: watching loud, aggressive, obnoxious, threatening behavior from these morons will scare white people away (which is probably part of the point of it). People know they're not welcome and are afraid and don't feel it's worth it to even try to fight the inevitable menacing rowdiness. It's tied up in cultural and socioeconomic divides that have existed and will continue to exist long after segregation has ended. It's only the upscale malls, neighborhoods and commercial corridors along these areas that have escaped this to any degree.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 15, 2008 3:33 PM | Report abuse

ColoredSpirit, get off your high horse. Of course rowdiness crosses racial lines and disruptive movie experiences can be found in mostly white outer suburbs. So what? The point is people don't want to feel intimidated out of speaking up for their rights to enjoy a movie. When I lived in Capitol Hill and went to Union Station for shopping I remember walking through the mall seeing several incidents of terrified white tourists who were unfortunate enough to have their movie-going experience ruined but still had to keep their heads down walking out for fear of getting attacked by loud, obnoxious, unruly mobs. Sorry, but part of the equation there was racial and class-based

Posted by: armybratty | September 15, 2008 3:36 PM | Report abuse

Sure! It's all the white kids driving people away from Union Station.

Because white suburban kids are known for causing problems in movie theaters. After all, kids from the suburbs go to capitol hill to cause problems at union station. Yeah. That's the ticket.

You guys mentioning hip-hop black youth are just plain racists. Those kids are just sitting quietly while the white kids ruin it for everybody else with their loud music, fighting and hassling patrons. You see it all over, say, Columbia Mall.

That's what's ruined DC schools too. Too many white kids from the suburbs who don't care about learning. Their parents don't even know where they are. Just takin' up space.

yeah, if we could just get all these white kids out of the district it would be paradise!

Posted by: Celeb poster | September 15, 2008 3:38 PM | Report abuse

I'm outta here.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 15, 2008 3:59 PM | Report abuse

I'm outta here.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | September 15, 2008 3:59 PM

thank GAWD. i'm tired of mudge's sanctimonious opinions!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 15, 2008 4:06 PM | Report abuse

How Chris Cooley's Privates Hit the Internet
And how the Internet hit back! See also: the official Deadspin explanation.

So anyhow, maybe you saw how a photo of Chris Cooley's most personal parts became available for mass Internet consumption yesterday. If you're like Chris Cooley's brother Tanner--the editor of Cooley's blog, on which this photo first appeared--here's what you might have wondered:

"Dude, why did you take a naked picture of yourself and put it on the blog?"

Posted by: Anonymous | September 15, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

hmmm. trolls at 4 p.m. school must be out.

Posted by: b | September 15, 2008 4:50 PM | Report abuse

Yes, time for a proper knees-up, mates.

Posted by: possum | September 15, 2008 5:45 PM | Report abuse

I love this blog, but this -- "This is the story of a woman whose life hit a skyscraper like so many tons of crumpled air frame?" -- is beyond tasteless.

Posted by: td | September 15, 2008 7:39 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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