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Posted at 11:30 AM ET, 10/29/2008

Jessica Simpson: Fashionably Late

By Liz Kelly

It's a relatively slow day, celeb-news wise, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to rag on Jessica SImpson a little bit more.

Earlier I shared the happy news that Jess has hit on her hands with "Major Movie Star" taking the number one spot at the Russian box office. While scanning the photo wires this morning, I happened upon this picture of Jess attending Macy's 150th anniversary celebration yesterday in New York. Ignoring for the moment the fact that she's got less reason than ever to walk a state-side red carpet, lets consider her outfit.


(AP)

While it is somewhat refreshing to see a C-lister taking her fashion cues from Lovey Howell, something about this getup overwhelms Jessica, threatening to envelop her spray-on tan in a swoosh of gray polyester and fur topped off with a sprinkle of cubic zirconia.

I'm having trouble coming up with the perfect phrase to encapsulate her look, though. That's where you come in. Vote on the options or, if you have a better idea, share it in the comments section below.

By Liz Kelly  | October 29, 2008; 11:30 AM ET
Categories:  Fashion, Insta-Polls  
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Comments

She really does look like she has been taxidermied.

Posted by: kate76 | October 29, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

I'm thinking Madame Tussaud needs a day off.

Is it me, or does Jessica Simpson look like she has a small man behind her putting his arms around her waist pretending his arms are hers (like that gag they used to do on "Whose Line Is It Anyway?")?

She is completely nondescript to me. Every time I see her on TV I have to think, "who is that again?" I don't get it.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | October 29, 2008 11:36 AM | Report abuse

Eighth-grade Home Ec project.

Posted by: 44west | October 29, 2008 11:38 AM | Report abuse

My Brother in law sent me a picture of himself with Jessica recently. Apparently he was out drinking with friendsat a restaurant in Nashville and saw that she was eating there. Once his friends got him liquored up enough he actually had the balls to go up to her while she was eating and ask for a picture. He says the waiters tried to pull him away, but that she was really nice and insisted on taking the picture despite her companions rolling their eyes at my Brother in law.

Posted by: ThatGuy1 | October 29, 2008 11:39 AM | Report abuse

td, I thought the same thing about the arms.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | October 29, 2008 11:39 AM | Report abuse

She looks like the high school student who's made to play the matriarch in the school play.

Posted by: Roxie1 | October 29, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

She looks like the high school student made to play the matriarch in the school play.

Posted by: Roxie1 | October 29, 2008 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Hey Jessica,
Daniel Boone called and he wants his coat back


Posted by: Iowahoosier | October 29, 2008 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Or in that same category,
To music,

Jessica, Jessica Simpson Crockett, queen of the wild frontier.

(you are probably old like me, if you remember that theme song)

Posted by: Iowahoosier | October 29, 2008 11:46 AM | Report abuse

That coat-wrap thing reminds me of a dog bed, complete with dog.

It was darn cold here in New York last night. It's possible Jessica was staying at a Helmsley Hotel property and hadn't packed cold-weather evening wear, so when she asked the concierge to find her something cozy, the only thing they could find was one of Leona's castoffs...

Posted by: northgs | October 29, 2008 11:53 AM | Report abuse

How cold was it last night? So cold that one of NYC's infamous sewer rats crawled up Jessica Simpson's arm and nuzzled into her shoulders.

Posted by: mdreader01 | October 29, 2008 12:35 PM | Report abuse

I don't get it. She looks unobjectionable to me.

Why does Liz keep choosing the most inoffensive looks to harp on, when there are so many better options? Trying out to be a Junior Fug Girl?

Posted by: WDC2 | October 29, 2008 12:36 PM | Report abuse

It's a dreadful looking 'stole' or wrap or whatever. I completely agree that it looks like a failed home ec project (props to 44west for that image) and believe me I would know about failed home ec projects.

And double props to Liz Kelly for getting Lovey Howell's name into the post! Sweet!

Posted by: pras40 | October 29, 2008 12:47 PM | Report abuse

Hey Jessica - Rocky Raccoon called and he wants his coat back.

Posted by: SoMDGal | October 29, 2008 12:53 PM | Report abuse

I agree on the arms as well and My what big hands she has!

Posted by: hodie | October 29, 2008 12:54 PM | Report abuse

It's the Man Hands!

Posted by: Fruitfly1 | October 29, 2008 12:58 PM | Report abuse

It's clear that a C-Lister cannot afford an A-list stylist. On the other hand, if she worked with that wackadoodle Rachel Zoe she'd look like a piece of thread dipped in glitter. I think I prefer the Lovey Look.

Posted by: kbockl | October 29, 2008 12:58 PM | Report abuse

Is it just me or does she look like Katherine Heigl in that photo?

Is it a stole or a little capelet? Looks like there are slits for the arms, but it's bunching up in the wrong places.

And don't dis 8th grade Home Ec; I had been sewing for about five years by then and made many fabulous pieces. All of them looked better than that thing in the photo.

Posted by: BMore_Cat_Lover1 | October 29, 2008 1:00 PM | Report abuse

It's the hottest trend: Faux Alaska!

Posted by: cjbriggs | October 29, 2008 1:25 PM | Report abuse

She only wears stuff like that when she's mad at Daddy. He doesn't like her to hide her 'assets'.

Posted by: jes11 | October 29, 2008 1:31 PM | Report abuse

The high school nympho who married "up".

Posted by: jezebel3 | October 29, 2008 2:11 PM | Report abuse

"She looks like the high school student made to play the matriarch in the school play." --Posted by: Roxie1 | October 29, 2008 11:43 AM

Now that you mention it, there IS something Lana Turner/"Peyton Place" about her, so the high school/matriarch description is a great analogy, Roxie1!

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | October 29, 2008 2:21 PM | Report abuse

Dear Jessica,
Welcome to MUA (Marsupial Union of America). You will soon see the benefits of owning a useful, functional and attractive pouch.
PS: My sister wants her coat back.

Posted by: possum_pouch | October 29, 2008 2:23 PM | Report abuse

Sex and the City meets The Beverly Hillbilies.

Posted by: spartan123 | October 29, 2008 2:56 PM | Report abuse

Looks like little Jessica refused to leave home without her blankie and favorite stuffed friend so she made an outfit out of them.

Posted by: hodie | October 29, 2008 3:06 PM | Report abuse

There's a simple explanation for why JS looks like a pile of wrinkled clothes.

See, she was minding her own business walking along when she passed under the opening of RuPaul's laundry chute.

When she came to her senses, well, I'll say no more . . .

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | October 29, 2008 3:42 PM | Report abuse

Jessica Simpson shows off a muskrat topped frock from Macy's new Sarah Palin line of eveningwear.

Posted by: mdreader01 | October 29, 2008 3:54 PM | Report abuse

I'm totally not a fan of Jessica, and obviously I don't have the sophisiticated tastes of everyone on the board, but I'm not sure I understand why her ensemble is raising so much vile. She doesn't look any more ridiculous than does about half of the fake snobs out of Hollywood and New York about half of the time.

I agree that she is, on the whole talentless, but how can someone be a C-lister and stay in the (celebrity) news so consistently?

Posted by: rashibama | October 29, 2008 3:56 PM | Report abuse

"...how can someone be a C-lister and stay in the (celebrity) news so consistently?"

Not sure but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt seem to be doing just this.

Posted by: spartan123 | October 29, 2008 4:03 PM | Report abuse

"...how can someone be a C-lister and stay in the (celebrity) news so consistently?"

Not sure but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt seem to be doing just this.

Posted by: spartan123 | October 29, 2008 4:05 PM | Report abuse

Jessica hums to herself,

"if I had a million dollars I'd buy you a coat, but not a real fur coat thats cruel...'

(It absolutely called for a BNL quote I apologize profusely)...

Posted by: LTL1 | October 29, 2008 4:26 PM | Report abuse

Not sure but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt seem to be doing just this.

Posted by: spartan123 | October 29, 2008 4:05 PM

*******************************************

Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's slow down here. Do we really want to bestow C-List status to Heincer? Let's try to keep those two on the E-List.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | October 29, 2008 4:31 PM | Report abuse

I don't see too much to snark about with regard to Jessica, but someone should speak to that man who has his arms around her. he has terrible taste in jewelry. Thanks, td, for pointing out that man.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 29, 2008 4:34 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, re Speidi--I should have clarified that I considered c-list = celinedion-list.

Posted by: spartan123 | October 29, 2008 4:44 PM | Report abuse

She looks like she just rolled out of bed (her hair's a mess and she looks like she's half awake) still wrapped in her blanket/comforter. Instead of getting rid of it, they just cut it at the waistline.

I don't think the wrap would be so bad if it was about 18 inches longer, the fur section was narrower and didn't balloon at the bottom. So basically, if it was totally different, it'd look GREAT!

Sasquatch is right, the jewelry does have to go, especially the thumb ring...

And LTL, you never have to apologize for a BNL line...at least not in my book.

Posted by: eet7e | October 29, 2008 4:50 PM | Report abuse

she looks like Barbie...google it and you'll see...

Maybe it's the angle of her neck or the odd smile, or the straightness of her hair line? I don't know, it's weird.

Posted by: megtheegg | October 29, 2008 5:09 PM | Report abuse

The only list that Heincer should be on is the No-Fly List.

Posted by: byoolin1 | October 30, 2008 5:42 AM | Report abuse

No open flames near Jess, please folks: With all of the petroleum blends she is sporting, we have a serious fire hazard.

Thank kew.
The Fire Marshall

Posted by: sarahbonnie1 | October 30, 2008 8:38 AM | Report abuse

Someone with dark hair and pale skin (like Catherine Zeta-Jones) would look good in this outfit, but not Simpson. She should not wear charcoal grey or silver. These are "cold" colors that clash with her warm skin tones and blonde hair.

Posted by: PJinBoston | October 30, 2008 10:54 AM | Report abuse

It looks to me like a luxe life preserver!

Posted by: thriftygrrrl | October 30, 2008 2:14 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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