Jessica Simpson: Fashionably Late

She really does look like she has been taxidermied.

I'm thinking Madame Tussaud needs a day off.

Is it me, or does Jessica Simpson look like she has a small man behind her putting his arms around her waist pretending his arms are hers (like that gag they used to do on "Whose Line Is It Anyway?")?

She is completely nondescript to me. Every time I see her on TV I have to think, "who is that again?" I don't get it.

Eighth-grade Home Ec project.

My Brother in law sent me a picture of himself with Jessica recently. Apparently he was out drinking with friendsat a restaurant in Nashville and saw that she was eating there. Once his friends got him liquored up enough he actually had the balls to go up to her while she was eating and ask for a picture. He says the waiters tried to pull him away, but that she was really nice and insisted on taking the picture despite her companions rolling their eyes at my Brother in law.

td, I thought the same thing about the arms.

She looks like the high school student who's made to play the matriarch in the school play.

She looks like the high school student made to play the matriarch in the school play.

Hey Jessica,
Daniel Boone called and he wants his coat back

Or in that same category,
To music,

Jessica, Jessica Simpson Crockett, queen of the wild frontier.

(you are probably old like me, if you remember that theme song)

That coat-wrap thing reminds me of a dog bed, complete with dog.

It was darn cold here in New York last night. It's possible Jessica was staying at a Helmsley Hotel property and hadn't packed cold-weather evening wear, so when she asked the concierge to find her something cozy, the only thing they could find was one of Leona's castoffs...

How cold was it last night? So cold that one of NYC's infamous sewer rats crawled up Jessica Simpson's arm and nuzzled into her shoulders.

I don't get it. She looks unobjectionable to me.

Why does Liz keep choosing the most inoffensive looks to harp on, when there are so many better options? Trying out to be a Junior Fug Girl?

It's a dreadful looking 'stole' or wrap or whatever. I completely agree that it looks like a failed home ec project (props to 44west for that image) and believe me I would know about failed home ec projects.

And double props to Liz Kelly for getting Lovey Howell's name into the post! Sweet!

Hey Jessica - Rocky Raccoon called and he wants his coat back.

I agree on the arms as well and My what big hands she has!

It's the Man Hands!

It's clear that a C-Lister cannot afford an A-list stylist. On the other hand, if she worked with that wackadoodle Rachel Zoe she'd look like a piece of thread dipped in glitter. I think I prefer the Lovey Look.

Is it just me or does she look like Katherine Heigl in that photo?

Is it a stole or a little capelet? Looks like there are slits for the arms, but it's bunching up in the wrong places.

And don't dis 8th grade Home Ec; I had been sewing for about five years by then and made many fabulous pieces. All of them looked better than that thing in the photo.

It's the hottest trend: Faux Alaska!

She only wears stuff like that when she's mad at Daddy. He doesn't like her to hide her 'assets'.

The high school nympho who married "up".

"She looks like the high school student made to play the matriarch in the school play." --Posted by: Roxie1 | October 29, 2008 11:43 AM

Now that you mention it, there IS something Lana Turner/"Peyton Place" about her, so the high school/matriarch description is a great analogy, Roxie1!

Dear Jessica,
Welcome to MUA (Marsupial Union of America). You will soon see the benefits of owning a useful, functional and attractive pouch.
PS: My sister wants her coat back.

Sex and the City meets The Beverly Hillbilies.

Looks like little Jessica refused to leave home without her blankie and favorite stuffed friend so she made an outfit out of them.

There's a simple explanation for why JS looks like a pile of wrinkled clothes.

See, she was minding her own business walking along when she passed under the opening of RuPaul's laundry chute.

When she came to her senses, well, I'll say no more . . .

VTY

Curmudgeon

Jessica Simpson shows off a muskrat topped frock from Macy's new Sarah Palin line of eveningwear.

I'm totally not a fan of Jessica, and obviously I don't have the sophisiticated tastes of everyone on the board, but I'm not sure I understand why her ensemble is raising so much vile. She doesn't look any more ridiculous than does about half of the fake snobs out of Hollywood and New York about half of the time.

I agree that she is, on the whole talentless, but how can someone be a C-lister and stay in the (celebrity) news so consistently?

"...how can someone be a C-lister and stay in the (celebrity) news so consistently?"

Not sure but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt seem to be doing just this.

"...how can someone be a C-lister and stay in the (celebrity) news so consistently?"

Not sure but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt seem to be doing just this.

Jessica hums to herself,

"if I had a million dollars I'd buy you a coat, but not a real fur coat thats cruel...'

(It absolutely called for a BNL quote I apologize profusely)...

Not sure but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt seem to be doing just this.

Posted by: spartan123 | October 29, 2008 4:05 PM

*******************************************

Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's slow down here. Do we really want to bestow C-List status to Heincer? Let's try to keep those two on the E-List.

I don't see too much to snark about with regard to Jessica, but someone should speak to that man who has his arms around her. he has terrible taste in jewelry. Thanks, td, for pointing out that man.

Dorkus, re Speidi--I should have clarified that I considered c-list = celinedion-list.

She looks like she just rolled out of bed (her hair's a mess and she looks like she's half awake) still wrapped in her blanket/comforter. Instead of getting rid of it, they just cut it at the waistline.

I don't think the wrap would be so bad if it was about 18 inches longer, the fur section was narrower and didn't balloon at the bottom. So basically, if it was totally different, it'd look GREAT!

Sasquatch is right, the jewelry does have to go, especially the thumb ring...

And LTL, you never have to apologize for a BNL line...at least not in my book.

she looks like Barbie...google it and you'll see...

Maybe it's the angle of her neck or the odd smile, or the straightness of her hair line? I don't know, it's weird.

The only list that Heincer should be on is the No-Fly List.

No open flames near Jess, please folks: With all of the petroleum blends she is sporting, we have a serious fire hazard.

Thank kew.
The Fire Marshall

Someone with dark hair and pale skin (like Catherine Zeta-Jones) would look good in this outfit, but not Simpson. She should not wear charcoal grey or silver. These are "cold" colors that clash with her warm skin tones and blonde hair.

It looks to me like a luxe life preserver!