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Posted at 10:27 AM ET, 10/14/2008

Miscellany: What's Ailing Janet Jackson and More

By Liz Kelly

I must be in a Seinfeld-ian humor this morning, because I can't seem to stop my mind from landing on "What is the deal with..." sort of thoughts. And, because they are effectively blocking me from channeling anything more meaningful and newsworthy, I must perforce exorcise them from my system here.


Jackson on stage in September, before suspending her tour. (AP)

1. What is up with Janet Jackson? She's canceled more concert dates with the only explanation being "doctor's orders." Is she actually ill, having some kind of breakdown or does she perhaps have another reason (say a split with her label) for staying off stage?




2. Why am I liking Beyonce? As linked in the Morning Mix, Beyonce's new video for "Single Ladies" has hit the Web. And, try as I might to snark about it -- after all, she's dancing around in a glorified one-piece and seems uncommonly agitated about something -- I just can't. Even though I've guffawed in B's general direction in the past for a host of reasons, not the least of which being her preposterous House of Dereon kids line. But, though single lady I'm not, I find myself liking it against my will. She's just so sassy and, sorry Brit, but Beyonce's simple little vid utterly outshines your new overproduced "Womanizer" clip. Girl crush.

3. "Rock of Love: Charm School." Why? Why did I waste an hour of my Monday evening watching a show so contrived and plastic that Heather Mills would probably turn down an offer to appear on it? I was so content at 8 p.m., having watched "Mad Men's" latest episode (yes, a day late) and been treated to extended scenes of a shirtless Don Draper. Then, as is wont to happen in my house, the TV found its way to VH1 and my euphoria was quickly replaced by revulsion as I watched Sharon Osbourne stuff a busload of hair extensions and silicone into a tacky house. And why is Sharon Osbourne dressed like Buster Keaton? And what do these women do in between reality show stints? Are they drugged into a comatose state on tanning beds? Did we really need to see Angelique again?

Okay, that's all. What's on your mind?

By Liz Kelly  | October 14, 2008; 10:27 AM ET
Categories:  Insta-Polls, Miscellaneous  
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Next: Morning Mix: Reports: Madonna and Guy Ritchie Divorcing

Comments

1. What's the next step for TLC now that the "Flip That House Property Ladder" franchise is drying up?

2. Will it ever be the same between John McCain and David Letterman?

3. What will Project Runway look like on Lifetime, in LA (and without the Magic Elves)?

4. And will my cable company provide HD channels as part of the basic package or will I have to pay extra?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | October 14, 2008 10:48 AM | Report abuse

While I already commented on this in the Morning Mix, I think she's sick -- of all the family calls asking for money. I can imagine her answering machine:

BEEP

"Janet! Tito. Listen, T3's having a little cash-flow thing right now. Can you float me $50K 'til Monday? We're close to a record contract for sure. I just know it. Can you feel it? Call your big bro."

BEEP

"Hey Sis. It's Rebbie. Tito's about to ask you for cash. DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY. That man still owes me for the new costumes I got his kids."

BEEP

"Aunt Janet? Paris. Daddy's on the merry-go-round now so I only have a second. I can't take the mask-wearing anymore. Can you talk to him, please? Never mind the U.S. economy, my social life is in complete turmoil."

BEEP

"Hi, it's Michael. WHEEEE! I love having an amusement park. Listen, my lawyers are telling me I am 'in arrears' HEE hee, whatever that means. Have you thought about my idea for another 'Scream'-like duet? I want to buy a replica of that Belgium boy statue that would be perfect for Neverland but Bank of America cut off my credit card. WHEEEEE! Again, again!"

BEEP

"Janet, Randy. Need any car repairs done on the fleet? I'm free. Call me."

Posted by: td | October 14, 2008 11:00 AM | Report abuse

At least Randy is willing to work to get some cash out of Janet.

Man, there must have been something NASTY in that vomit.

What was Jerry O'Connell thinking when he made "Room 6?" He's married to a hot model for god's sakes. He doesn't have to do cheesy horror flicks to get attention. But, apparently, must be in bad sitcoms.

Posted by: ep | October 14, 2008 11:03 AM | Report abuse

Thanks for your mind-dump Queen Liz.

I really appreciate that you can carry the thinking load today because nothing's on my mind. At all. Blank-o. Zip.

(Have at it, trolls.)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 14, 2008 11:05 AM | Report abuse

Nice work, td.

Posted by: byoolin | October 14, 2008 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Janet Jackson is pregnant!

Posted by: lsac | October 14, 2008 11:31 AM | Report abuse

What happened to David Caruso... he used to be kinda hot back in the NYPD blue days... Now he's. just. awful.

Posted by: b | October 14, 2008 11:36 AM | Report abuse

Who besides me remembers Janet Jackson as Penny in "Good Times"? Whatever happened to JJ?

Posted by: hodie says DYNOMITE | October 14, 2008 11:37 AM | Report abuse

A shirtless Don Draper is what's on my mind.........oh my!

Posted by: Betts is a lucky girl | October 14, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

Should the CDC be called in for Jermaine Dupre? His stomach malfunction has eliminated an entire tour.

What is this Mad Men people keep talking about and will I actually have to get cable after all this time?

When is the D.C. Hills going to start and will they in any way disrupt my social life?

Wasn't Beyonce going to retire and does she really have a lifetime supply of Popeyes card?

Posted by: petal | October 14, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

What else is on my mind? Besides echoing above concerns about Project Runway. . . .

1. How is Joanne Woodward doing these days?
2. Will Whitney Houston's new CD bring her back to her former glory?
3. How sad is it for George Michael when he has to get encouragement from Boy George? They used to hate each other, both were drug-addled messes, and now Boy George looks like the rational one of the two.
4. Why did Tracey Ullmann decide to get bawdy in her TV shows/act? She was so funny without it. Now I can't bear to watch her.
5. Why does Chad Everett look so great for a guy in his 70s? Seriously, compare him with, say, Robert Wagner. No contest. I want to age like Chad.

Posted by: td totally remembers janet as penny | October 14, 2008 11:46 AM | Report abuse

Shirtless Don Draper.....homersimpsondroolynoise....

Anyhoo, I got sucked into ROLCS too. I thouroughly enjoyed ROL1&2 and Charm School with the FOL girls, but this just makes me wanna vom for some reason.

That will not stop me from watching the train wreck, but I may have to have bucket handy.

On the bright side, we have The Original Skanque back!

Posted by: Bored @ work | October 14, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

Why is Buster Keaton referenced with such frequency?

Posted by: toneye | October 14, 2008 11:57 AM | Report abuse

What's ailing Janet Jackson? Irrelevance.

Posted by: Trust Me, I'm a Doctor | October 14, 2008 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Why are there polar bears on a tropical island? (I'm just catching up on Lost, give me a break)

Does anyone actually die in Heroes?

Am I on Scarlet Johnasson's kitchen pass list?

Why is American Idol still on the air?

Will I ever become the next Tom Jones?

If I furrow my brow and stare at the computer, does anyone actually believe that I am really working, and do they even care?

Posted by: Dorkus | October 14, 2008 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Oh BTW byoolin, this weekend is our Moundsville/Wheeling trip!

If we make it to the Pha, whom (or is it who?) should I be lookin' fer? Besides the only witty, good lookin' & urbane dude in the place that isn't John Corbett. ;-)

We also have tickets to the Moundsville Prison haunted house. Can't wait!

It's times like this I wish this were a message board instead.

Posted by: Bored @ work | October 14, 2008 12:07 PM | Report abuse

I want legs like Beyonce's!

that is all...

Posted by: bflogirl | October 14, 2008 12:11 PM | Report abuse

"Why are there polar bears on a tropical island? (I'm just catching up on Lost, give me a break)"
Three words: Frozen Donkey Wheel. You'll get there. :)

"Does anyone actually die in Heroes?"
Maya's brother.

"Am I on Scarlet Johnasson's kitchen pass list?"
Only if I'm on Ryan Reynolds' list.

"Why is American Idol still on the air?"
Got me there. I'm happy to say that I've never seen an episode of American Idol.

"Will I ever become the next Tom Jones?"
Put your mind to it and sure, why not?

"If I furrow my brow and stare at the computer, does anyone actually believe that I am really working, and do they even care?"
It's worked for me so far!

Posted by: Em answers Dorkus | October 14, 2008 12:13 PM | Report abuse

Any lizards watching JJ Abrams' "True Blood" show on HBO? Creepy and enthralling at the same time. Lot like "Lost" where you get to the end of the episode to have the rug pulled out from under you. But unlike Lost, there are lots of areas in which to 'jump the shark' in a vampire show (in Lost, you just don't ever know what the hell is going on). How long can it go before one of the main characters switches to the darkside or one of the baddies sees the light (no pun intended)?

Posted by: rachelt | October 14, 2008 12:30 PM | Report abuse

Janet Jackson is canceling shows because of the embarrassment of empty seats: she is not selling many tickets.

Posted by: CJB | October 14, 2008 12:30 PM | Report abuse

We are pretty sure that Janet Jackson is not suffering from what Kellen Winslow, Jr was suffering from when he was recently hospitalized for an "undisclosed illness."

Posted by: ep | October 14, 2008 12:32 PM | Report abuse

1)If T.I. can show up for The View, why can’t he make his court dates?
2)Why does Tyra Bank have a talk show?
3)Is Paris Hilton having financial problem? How else do you explain her appearance on My New BFF?
4)Why is Jennifer Hudson engaged to man who appeared on VH-1’s “I Love New York”

Posted by: Lisa1 | October 14, 2008 12:33 PM | Report abuse

"What is this Mad Men people keep talking about and will I actually have to get cable after all this time?"

You can probably rent the first season on DVD and see what all the fuss is about...

Posted by: CJB | October 14, 2008 12:34 PM | Report abuse

janet is human c*nt! yeah, humans get sick.

Posted by: InDC | October 14, 2008 12:38 PM | Report abuse

My stray thoughts:

1. How awesomely gorgeous is today?!?
2. How awesomely gorgeous is my superuberawesome boyfriend (sorry fellow islanders I don't share)?!?
3. How awesomely gorgeous is that one picture of Angelina Jolie (ok she may be squirrel poop nutty giving her son a machete or whatevs but girl's hot)?!?
4. How awesome would an Obama Presidency be?!?

Posted by: LTL -ignoring troll at 12:38 | October 14, 2008 12:46 PM | Report abuse

La la lah, No ones comes to my shows la lal lah.

Posted by: Michael Jackson | October 14, 2008 12:48 PM | Report abuse

The very low ratings for Mad Men (under 1 million average) are there for a reason The show sucks big time.
I guess some women like it for the eye candy, but I can't imagine any men liking that extremely boring show.

Posted by: Anonymous | October 14, 2008 12:50 PM | Report abuse

"I'm sick" aka "My tour has already lost millions on my bloated stage show"

Posted by: EricS | October 14, 2008 12:51 PM | Report abuse

When will Shresh and Skylar be sucked into a vortex?

Why is Hiro such a pain?

What is Mr. Petrelli's power and how much hell is he gonna raise?

Do I need to have a long weekend to catch up on Mad Men or should I take it bits at a time?

Posted by: petal, speaking of Heros | October 14, 2008 1:00 PM | Report abuse

Three words: Frozen Donkey Wheel. You'll get there. :)

******************************************

So completely confused by this...

Posted by: Dorkus | October 14, 2008 1:07 PM | Report abuse

Maybe Janet's gastric bypass surgery has gone awry...or her cheek implants exploded.

Posted by: possum | October 14, 2008 1:10 PM | Report abuse

Mocosnarky-

You are going to have to get an HD-enabled reciever, which adds about 7$-10$ a month to your bill. I had to do this w/my satellite service (far superior to cable btw). And it doesn't matter if you have an hdtv (I do), the tv people will charge you extra no matter what.

Now back to Don Draper lust. Oh yes.

Posted by: jelo | October 14, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

Any lizards watching "True Blood" on HBO? Creepy and enthralling at the same time.
_________

rachelt, you say right! That show is excellent.

Posted by: vamps rule! | October 14, 2008 1:56 PM | Report abuse

I've not watched True Blood but I have the books which the show is based upon.

I've not read them yet but I love the name Sookie Stackhouse.

Posted by: Bored @ work | October 14, 2008 2:07 PM | Report abuse

It's times like this I wish this were a message board instead.

Posted by: Bored @ work | October 14, 2008 12:07 PM

***

You know, you can use the Wall at Celebritology's Facebook page just like it was a message board.

Posted by: byoolin hesitates to shatter any illusions about 'urbane' men in Wheeling. | October 14, 2008 2:16 PM | Report abuse

JJ Abrams isn't involved with True Blood, Alan Ball is (6 feet under).

Regardless, that show is great, although having read the books I'm kind of anticipating where it's going which is annoying.

Posted by: MGC | October 14, 2008 2:36 PM | Report abuse

No Facebook account, nor myspace. :-(

Posted by: Bored @ work | October 14, 2008 3:45 PM | Report abuse

In the midst of her Janet obsession Queen Liz missed this item in today's NY Daily News:

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/fashion/2008/10/14/2008-10-14_madonna_kills_in_chanel_pistol_heels_at_-1.html

It's photos of Madge at her movie premiere in New York last night, wearing a pair of Chanel stilettos with heels shaped like pistols. Also, a style-comparison pic of LiLo with mad fake-bake lines at the ankles.

Posted by: BxNY | October 14, 2008 4:07 PM | Report abuse

BxNY, Liz didn't miss the gunshoes. It's on the Morning Mix.
Yeah, I saw the LiLo pic too. How can you forget the feet? Worse than a farmer tan.

Posted by: hodie | October 14, 2008 4:10 PM | Report abuse

Caruso is still hot. Even hotter, though, are the guys on The Unit. Whoa....

I watched the vid. PU for both Beyonce and Spears. What happened to singers who could really sing? That's why I stick to Country Western and some old pop. This is crap to my ears - I miss rock n roll.

Saw a three hour Springsteen concert on cable. GREAT. AWESOME. That's music.

Posted by: mainer | October 14, 2008 4:12 PM | Report abuse

Could it be that Miss Jackson might be pregnant?

Posted by: MKV | October 14, 2008 4:32 PM | Report abuse

whoops - my trueblood bad.

Posted by: rachelt | October 14, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

hodie, thanks for that. Morning meeting, missed the Mix.

LiLo's feet are Why You Don't Wear Socks While Spray-Tanning.

Posted by: BxNY | October 14, 2008 5:02 PM | Report abuse

Thank you for pointing that out BxNY! I had the same thought. Either that or she's a more of a golfer than I ever imagined!

Posted by: methinks | October 14, 2008 5:42 PM | Report abuse

God, what a bunch of pretentious bores!!!

Posted by: Sheeesh | October 15, 2008 7:57 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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