Network News

X My Profile
View More Activity
Posted at 11:00 AM ET, 10/ 2/2008

Stone Cold Parenting Advice

By Liz Kelly

Sharon Stone, model mom. (AP)

Yesterday, when courts docs surfaced revealing Sharon Stone's desire to have her son's smelly feet Botoxed, well I couldn't help but wonder what other creative advice Stone might have for weathering the myriad annoyances and little inconveniences that come with raising a kid. Unwittingly, it seems Stone may have hit upon a new parenting model and I look forward to a lively, yet civil, discussion of these proposed Sharon Stone-inspired problems and solutions:

Problem: Your kid's feet stink.

Solution: Nothing will get rid of the stank of smelly boy feet like a round of 50 or so Botox injections in each foot. In fact, your kid may be so traumatized by the experience that he will never again step into a soccer shoe without first soaking his foot in bleach.

Problem: Your kid refuses to brush his teeth, resulting in regular cavities.

Solution: Duh, have those puppies pulled and replaced with pearly white crowns. A one-time splurge will save on twice-yearly dental check-ups and will help avoid that non-photogenic brace-face phase.

Problem: Your daughter isn't popular.

Solution: Hire a publicist to get the word out about your kid's hip quotient, which may need some boosting from a top celebrity stylist (think Rachel Zoe). Then, ensure your little one has at least four nights a week available for hanging out in paparazzi-infested zones.

Problem: Your child has trouble concentrating on homework.

Solution: Move to L.A. and immediately start taking this kid to casting calls. Then, once you've established her as Disney's next big thing, set her loose with a cell phone camera and a MySpace account. She was never going to be an anthropologist, so why waste time on tutors?

Problem: Your daughter didn't get the lead in the school play.

Solution: Obviously plastic surgery is the answer. She's either too big in the nose or too small in the torso. No director, I don't care if it's Michael Bay or the P.E. coach, can resist a little silicone-enabled talent boost.

Problem: Your kid is consumed by teen angst.

Solution: Turn him over to the church of Scientology for reprogramming then, once he's utterly confused, snatch him from their clutches and tell him Buddhism is the one true way.

Problem: Your son can't seem to make the football team.

Solution: Call the coach and let him know that you will totally go "Basic Instinct" on his [expletive]. That should do the trick.

By Liz Kelly  | October 2, 2008; 11:00 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Morning Mix: Melissa Etheridge to Wed Longtime Partner
Next: Morning Mix: Stone Denies Botox Allegations; Madonna Reportedly Dines with A-Rod

Comments

Liz,
I know you're just channeling SS, but. . .you're scaring me! How did you come up with all of those ideas? Oh right, just reading your own column every day!

Posted by: tl | October 2, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

Sadly, there are parents everywhere who do those things. Okay, maybe not the Scientology thing. But most defintely the (insert sport here) team thing.

Changing dirty diapers. Throw those suckers in the freezer ala Jamie Oliver before placing on the child. The kid will never wet, or anything else, again.

Posted by: ep | October 2, 2008 11:13 AM | Report abuse

"Solution: Call the coach and let him know that you will totally go "Basic Instinct" on his [expletive]. That should do the trick."

Depends on which way you're going with that...sex or icepick?

Posted by: 23112 | October 2, 2008 11:18 AM | Report abuse

Depends on which way you're going with that...sex or icepick?

Posted by: 23112 | October 2, 2008 11:18 AM

Sharon Stone scares the bejeebers out of mean. That's a much tougher question, than, say, cake or death.

Posted by: other liz | October 2, 2008 11:39 AM | Report abuse

out of me.
The mean? Just a Freudian slip. Sorry.

Posted by: other liz | October 2, 2008 11:49 AM | Report abuse

While Sharon Stone was misguided in wanted to give her young child Botox for severe foot odor, her "basic instinct" was in fact correct. Severe foot odor can be caused by severe foot sweating from hyperhidrosis. This in fact can be treated with Botox injections in the feet and, with a proper nerve block, can be painless as well. Having treated many patients with Botox for this condition, I can assure you that it does in fact work. However, in someone as young as her son, hygiene, frequent sock changes etc. are the best course of action.

Posted by: Perry Solomon, MD | October 2, 2008 11:50 AM | Report abuse

Problem: Your daughter is getting a D in math. Your daughter refuses to wash her delicates.
Solution: Solve two problems in one! Your daughter need not wear undies with her mini-skirt. Have her sit in the front row and cross and uncross her legs. Repeat as necessary.

Posted by: Anon for this | October 2, 2008 11:52 AM | Report abuse

Child unruly? Put in dog kennel for 24 hours. Meanwhile dress up Chihuahua (real child) in little raincoat, pop into handbag, and go buy some crack.

Posted by: possum | October 2, 2008 12:13 PM | Report abuse

Toddler likes to touch Mummy's ashtrays and other artistique decorating touches?

Take him to the zoo and don't pull back the nipper's hand when she sticks her little fingers into the Komodo Dragon cage.

Posted by: Curmudgeon knows this works | October 2, 2008 12:32 PM | Report abuse

Problem: Soon-to-be-ex-husband's feet stick and he won't let you botox them.

Solution: Put white socks on his feet and push him into a cage filled with Komodo Dragons.

(Man, that lady has some serious feet issues....)

Posted by: Wow | October 2, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

I typed my last comment before reading 'Mudge, I swear...

Posted by: Wow | October 2, 2008 12:42 PM | Report abuse

Sounds like the OP blog from Hell... LOL.

Daughter complains she doesn't have cool clothes? Give her your platinum card and have the chauffer take her to Rodeo drive for spree. Be sure to limit her a $10000 budget.

Posted by: hodie | October 2, 2008 12:46 PM | Report abuse

Problem: Daughter (or son) didn't make the cheerleading squad?

Solution: Do like that lady in Texas and hire a hit man to take out the perky youngster who got your kid's spot.

Posted by: methinks | October 2, 2008 1:16 PM | Report abuse

I remember when SS first became famous, she had a rule - If I wear it I own it.
She then applied her little rule to the Winston (or whoever) jewels she wore to the Oscars. Lawsuit from jeweler came soon thereafter.

Posted by: jlr | October 2, 2008 1:21 PM | Report abuse

Problem: Daughter is a picky eater.

Stonelution: While waving a Botox needle under daughter's nose, point out that if she doesn't eat her vegetables she'll certainly grow up to be a dissatisfied, washed-up, harridan.

Oh, wait . . .

Posted by: Curmudgeon offers another | October 2, 2008 1:24 PM | Report abuse

Daughter complains she doesn't have cool clothes?

Posted by: hodie | October 2, 2008 12:46 PM

Stuff the kid in the freezer.

Posted by: Is this cool enough? | October 2, 2008 1:33 PM | Report abuse

i'm no fan of Sharon Stone, but I did have a boyfriend once who had very overactive sweat glands in his hands and feet and was extremely self-conscious about it growing up. He talked about how his doctor had put forth botox as an option, but his family couldn't afford it. But he wished that it was something he could have done. You may want to look into the possible legitimacy of this treatment option. i'm just sayin'...

Posted by: mrem | October 2, 2008 2:07 PM | Report abuse

Problem: Are you worried your daughter may be becomming a bit spoiled?

Solution: Make sure she donates that gently worn clothing she bought last month on her spree on Rodeo to a worth charity such as Goodwill before letting her go on her Spree this month. Also consider a sensible car for her sweet 16 such as a jaguar, Mercedes or BMW instead of a flashy sports car.

Posted by: hodie | October 2, 2008 2:42 PM | Report abuse

I meant "worthy charity" Mr. Grammar Police. Please no more tickets.

Posted by: hodie | October 2, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

Great story. Now, if you're looking for more advice along these lines, see Writing Frontier's recent piece "Childs Play" at

http://writingfrontier.com/2008/09/08/childs-play/

Posted by: Writing Frontier | October 2, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

Yes Ms. Stone’s direction regarding smelly feet is bizarre when read the promotional exploitive way the media wants the public to read all things regarding celebrity. However believe it or not I have a relative yes they are young, not Ms. Stones sons age but nerveless young and this kid has a condition where his feet and hands sweat and smell so bad--- well if I were not his relative I would think "what the heck- have his parents not taught personal hygiene!!!!!"
Anyway the problem has gotten so bad that new mattress have been purchased do to they are soaked by the time morning light is approaching.
So the Mom takes him to the pediatrician and they run all the tests, try all the powders "over the counter" "under the counter" and pharmaceutical cures.... Still not cure, so guess what they venture up to one of most reputable hospital and specialist in the country located in Baltimore and then GUESS what - they suggest to the parents that the kids get BOTOX injections for the smelly sweaty feet and hands AND THEN GUESS WHAT - it works........ The kid is a happy young man and can actually go the entire day with out changing his socks and shoes 2-3 times.
So the moral of this story, we don’t know all the facts, if it sounds bizarre well sometimes it aint!

Posted by: edra | October 2, 2008 3:34 PM | Report abuse

Daughter both unpopular and needs to raise money for Girl Scouts? Help her set up a lap-dancing booth.

Posted by: possum | October 2, 2008 3:34 PM | Report abuse

Nicely done, possum

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 2, 2008 4:28 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
RSS Feed
Subscribe to The Post

© 2011 The Washington Post Company