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Posted at 11:43 AM ET, 11/ 3/2008

Comment Box: Celebrity Inventors. Who Knew?

By Liz Kelly

Weird random celeb factoid: Neil Young (you know, "Heart of Gold," "Cinnamon Girl," etc., etc.?) holds six patents for inventions having to do with model trains. -- Byoolin comments in last week's Celebritology Live discussion

That is indeed a weird, random fact -- but being a long-time Neil Young fan and a know-it-all when it comes to celeb stuff, I actually was already familiar with his love of model trains. Still, your comment got me to thinking about some of the other celebrities who have attempted to better the world by sharing their genius.


Michael Jackson's anti-gravity illusion boot. (Image courtesy U.S. Patent and Trademark Office)

To name a few:

Michael Jackson's Method and Means for Creating Anti-gravity Illusion.
Turns out his calf muscles aren't that strong. Jacko actually devised a contraption that allowed the heels of his shoes to hitch into some kind of slot on stage. At least the moon walk is still real. Right?

Jamie Lee Curtis's Infant Garment
I'm not an engineer, but as far as I can tell this is basically a disposable diaper equipped with a detachable wet wipe. Useful for uh-oh moments and impromptu picnics!

Prince's Portable Electronic Keyboard.
Prince filed his patent claim in 1992 to protect a self-designed really ugly keyboard. One blogger described it as a "ungainly shoulder-mounted funk launcher."

Heddy Lamarr's Secret Communication System.
The official documentation describes this Golden age of Hollywood starlet's invention as, "especially useful in the remote control of dirigible craft, such as torpedoes." And you thought she was just another pretty face.

Penn Gilette's Hydro-Therapeutic Stimulator.
Definitely not safe for work and possibly not safe. Period.

For more celebrity patents, visit Ironic Sans's entertaining and exhaustive list or Wikipedia.

---

Comment of the Week
Wouldn't it be faster and more economical if you only posted the times when Amy Winehouse isn't in the hospital? That might save you some time. -- akmitc

By Liz Kelly  | November 3, 2008; 11:43 AM ET
Categories:  Comment Box  
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Comments

I knew about Jamie Lee Curtis' and Heddy Lamar's patents. Did not know about MJ's anti-grave. Do not want to know of any others he has.

However, none of these guys hold a candle to the Lizard Island Inventor Emeritus, Elias Howe.

Posted by: epjd | November 3, 2008 12:29 PM | Report abuse

I knew about Jamie Lee Curtis' and Heddy Lamar's patents. Did not know about MJ's anti-grave. Do not want to know of any others he has.

However, none of these guys hold a candle to the Lizard Island Inventor Emeritus, Elias Howe.

Posted by: epjd | November 3, 2008 12:32 PM | Report abuse

Never underestimate the benefit of having a disposable wet wipe handy when you've got a kid in diapers. Jamie is a genius!

That IronicSans page is great. Who knew Julie Newmar was more than just Catwoman and/or Jim Belushi's annoying neighbor?

I'm afraid to ask what the purpose is of Danny Kaye's "Blowout toy or the like" (though I can only hope Laurence Olivier had nothing to do with it).

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 3, 2008 12:37 PM | Report abuse

Paul Winchell, the oldie-time ventriloquist, invented an artificial heart or heart part, I believe.

then . . .

Gwenyth Paltrow invented the celeb insouciant far-away look that is often mistaken (rightly so) for ignorance.

Paris Hilton brougaht vast technological improvments to the previously invented dumb blonde.

Tom Cruise invented the clever alien-as-human disguise.

and more too numerous to mention here

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 3, 2008 12:38 PM | Report abuse

After reading about Julie Newmar's invention, she has solidified her position as my favorite Catwoman.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 3, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

1) Thanks for the shout-out, Liz Kelly. The neighbours want to know if that was you in my front yard last night, playing Chicago's "Your My Inspiration" on a boombox. :-)

2) Props to the US Patent Office gives people like Penn official recognition for designing bathtubs with integrated sex toys. Your move, Teller.

Posted by: byoolin1 | November 3, 2008 12:57 PM | Report abuse

More interesting, I think, is that Heedy Lamarr's patent is actually the core of CDMA cellphone technology. Pretty darned advance for something based on piano rolls.

Posted by: Robert_E_Allen | November 3, 2008 1:07 PM | Report abuse

Man, in my rush to get it posted, I completely blew the joke.

Not even Chicago, the suckiest suck that ever sucked a suck, spells it "Your My Inspiration."

GAH. I am ashamed of myself.

Posted by: byoolin1 | November 3, 2008 1:24 PM | Report abuse

Any Celebritology Lizard who's looking for new wallpaper for his or her cell phone should consider this:

http://www.zedge.net/wallpapers/273328/johnny-cash-finger-wallpaper/

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 3, 2008 1:43 PM | Report abuse

Byool, you should not be ashamed for misspelling a word. You should be ashamed for mentioning "that" band. The proper pronunciation of the name of "that" band is "$h|t-ca-go."

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 3, 2008 1:46 PM | Report abuse

Byoolin writes,

Man, in my rush to get it posted, I completely blew the joke.

Not even Chicago, the suckiest suck that ever sucked a suck, spells it "Your My Inspiration."

==========================================

I think "suck" is more appropriate. "Blow "is a figure of speech.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 3, 2008 1:50 PM | Report abuse

Are you sure that hydro-therapeutic stimulator was Penn's invention?? Remind me never to get in the same hottub he has ever been in.

Posted by: hodie | November 3, 2008 2:04 PM | Report abuse

Are you sure that hydro-therapeutic stimulator was Penn's invention?? Remind me never to get in the same hottub he has ever been in.

(If this is a double-post) I apologize. Couldn't get it through the first time.

Posted by: hodie | November 3, 2008 2:20 PM | Report abuse

"Look honey, there's Hedy Lamarr!"

"Hedley!"

(Oh, c'mon, you were all thinking it.)

Is anybody else trying to post and getting an error message: "current webpage . . . Apture script tag . . . edit this site's list of Base Addresses"?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 3, 2008 2:20 PM | Report abuse

Liz, thanks a lot...NOT.. for the link to the Hydro-Theraputic Stimulator. Ms. Snatchquatch has asked for one as her Christmas present. How am I going to afford this? More important, what will I do once I become a sensual redundancy? Can I name the Hydro-Theraputic Stimulator as a co-respondent in a divorce petition? Or should I name Penn Gilette?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 3, 2008 2:28 PM | Report abuse

"Look honey, there's Hedy Lamarr!"

"Hedley!"

(Oh, c'mon, you were all thinking it.)

Is anybody else trying to post and getting an error message: "current webpage . . . Apture script tag . . . edit this site's list of Base Addresses"?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 3, 2008 2:43 PM | Report abuse

OK, Penn Gillette, as far as I know, is a guy. Where does he get off inventing a thang for gals? Oh, wait...never mind.

BTW, I've invented something for HIM that involves a bicycle tire pump.

Posted by: possum_pouch | November 3, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

OK, Penn Gillette, as far as I know, is a guy. Where does he get off inventing a thang for gals? Oh, wait...never mind.

BTW, I've invented something for HIM that involves a bicycle tire pump.

Posted by: possum_pouch | November 3, 2008 3:18 PM | Report abuse

Maybe Penn Gilette invented the tub to try and get Teller to actually make a sound.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 3, 2008 3:27 PM | Report abuse

OK, Penn Gillette, as far as I know, is a guy. Where does he get off inventing a thang for gals? Oh, wait...never mind.

BTW, I've invented something for HIM that involves a bicycle tire pump.

Posted by: possum_pouch | November 3, 2008 3:18 PM

Maybe Penn Gilette invented the tub to try and get Teller to actually make a sound.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 3, 2008 3:27 PM
*****************************************
I nominate both of these for co-comments of the week

Posted by: SugarMagnolia22 | November 3, 2008 3:44 PM | Report abuse

Paul Winchell, the oldie-time ventriloquist, invented an artificial heart or heart part, I believe.

then . . .

Gwenyth Paltrow invented the celeb insouciant far-away look that is often mistaken (rightly so) for ignorance.

Paris Hilton brougaht vast technological improvments to the previously invented dumb blonde.

Tom Cruise invented the clever alien-as-human disguise.

and more too numerous to mention here

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 3, 2008 3:53 PM | Report abuse

I just gotta say, I love the fact that Zeppo Marx invented a pulse rate monitor. Zeppo was the most under appreciated Marx brother.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 3, 2008 4:38 PM | Report abuse

Now THAT's creepy - a double posting made hours apart.

I think the Venusians are tampering with the Internets again . . .

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 3, 2008 4:49 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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