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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 11/18/2008

Hey Elijah Wood: Stop Creeping Me Out

By Liz Kelly

Elijah Wood at the 8th Annual 24 Hour Plays on Broadway in New York on Monday. (Getty Images)

Dear Elijah Wood,

I was going to write something glitteringly brilliant today that would have probably been the object of much e-mail forwarding and linking across the blogosphere, but I was derailed by the above picture of you. So, thanks for that.

Even as I write these words, I've got your creepy mug leering at me from my computer screen and your eyes -- normally so limpid and comforting in a cozy Hobbit kind of way -- are doing that weird Mona Lisa follow me around thing. It's creeping me out, man.

And I like you. If it weren't for the googly eyes I'd mention some of your current projects, like your voice work as Spyro the dragon in the videogame, "The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon," for which I am sure you are handsomely compensated although we all know it is a long way from Middle Earth and your box office dominance of yesteryear. Or I'd talk about you recently became the first human to cross Victoria Falls on ropes. Even if you did do it with Jack Osbourne, who has somehow parlayed his dad's fame into a solid d-level career of reality show hosting.

If you're going to bust out this kind of psychotic stare at future photo ops, please do me the courtesy of wearing sunglasses or a floppy-brimmed hat or something. Perhaps grow your hair out so it covers at least one of those kooky eyeballs?

I've got to go as I am slowly, but inexorably being drawn into the tractor beam of your gaze and I feel strangely compelled to give you my ring, my precious...

Hey!

By Liz Kelly  | November 18, 2008; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Miscellaneous  
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Comments

See, this is what comes of character actors getting starring roles. The fall to D-list is swift and merciless. Is it any wonder he is reduced to sending out death rays with his eyes?

Posted by: 44west | November 18, 2008 11:39 AM | Report abuse

Liz, Have you never had an unflattering photo snapped of you? It happens to even the best of us.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | November 18, 2008 11:40 AM | Report abuse

(And worse yet, it gets posted on the Internet)

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | November 18, 2008 11:41 AM | Report abuse

you are getting sleepy....so sleepy...

Posted by: hodie | November 18, 2008 11:45 AM | Report abuse

His eyes appear to be pointed in two different directions.

Does anyone know if, a second or two after this photo was taken, he unfurled a two-foot-long tongue that caught an insect on a nearby branch?

Because that would probably make Liz Kelly forget all about the creepshow eyes.

Posted by: byoolin1 | November 18, 2008 11:49 AM | Report abuse

Byool' I think that you've found the perfect Next Act for Elijah Wood: The GEICO Gecko. But can he save me 15% on my car insurance?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 18, 2008 11:54 AM | Report abuse

Who is this Victoria Falls person and why is EW crossing her with ropes? Way TMI

Just kidding, I think.

Posted by: reddragon1 | November 18, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

Geez, that comment was so simple a yeti could make it.

Posted by: mdreader01 | November 18, 2008 12:01 PM | Report abuse

Being an MD Reader, "The Legend of Spyro" means having to resign the vice presidency in disgrace because you failed to pay your taxes. How that translates into a rad video game is beyond me.

Posted by: mdreader01 | November 18, 2008 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Liz,

Don't look at him anymore.

Problem solved.

Easy-peasy.

Now, what about the rest of us?

Sincerely,

Curamudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 18, 2008 12:10 PM | Report abuse

Frankly, despite his eyes, I think he'd make a fine Secretary of State.

Posted by: possum_pouch | November 18, 2008 12:16 PM | Report abuse

He seems super happy to be at the event. Maybe he's great at expressing emotion with his eyes and that happened to creep you out this time.

Posted by: petalceleb | November 18, 2008 12:19 PM | Report abuse

It's the eyes combined with that smile. Like "heh, heh, heh, I'm trying not to think about snapping your head off and drinking your blood."

It's creeping me out too. I may not be back to this post today.

Posted by: epjd | November 18, 2008 12:24 PM | Report abuse

Elijah's eyes are the perfect shade of "Jasperware" #253 Martha Stewart Colors for Valspar.

Posted by: mdreader01 | November 18, 2008 12:28 PM | Report abuse

Caption:

"Coffee? Anybody got coffee?"

Posted by: dablues1 | November 18, 2008 12:54 PM | Report abuse

OK, I actually just moved my head back and forth, right and left, while staring at that photo. (My colleagues think I am channeling Axl Rose.)

Elijah's eyes really did follow me. It's like that Jesus photo in "Hannah and Her Sisters" when Woody Allen was thinking about converting.

And hodie, you're right. I AM getting sleep---- zzzzzzzz.....

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 18, 2008 1:24 PM | Report abuse

Hey, can we make this a new feature of Celebritology? Like a periodic report -
"Who's creeping me out today"? And no fair picking Tom Bat-sh!t Crazy Cruise every time.

Oh, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with channeling Axl Rose, td_in_baltimore. I wish more people in MY office would do that...

Posted by: jaybbub | November 18, 2008 1:30 PM | Report abuse

I'd rather see a picture of Elijah Wood that of Elijah's wood.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 18, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

I'd rather see a picture of Elijah Wood that of Elijah's wood.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 18, 2008 3:23 PM
===========================

I think I agree. But, maybe no. Oh, yes, yes I do agree. I think.

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 18, 2008 4:41 PM | Report abuse

Elijah looks suspiciously like my friend Graham in that picture. I think he stole Graham's unshaven chin scruff.

Posted by: melissamac1 | November 18, 2008 4:54 PM | Report abuse

To: melessamac1,

I think perhaps your friend Graham would creep us out, too.

But, maybe not . . .

Best wishes,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 18, 2008 5:43 PM | Report abuse

Frank Burns to Elijah Wood, "Hello Ferret Face!"

Posted by: elias_howe | November 18, 2008 9:44 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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