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Posted at 8:25 AM ET, 11/18/2008

Morning Mix: Suri Cruise Named Most Influential Tot

By Liz Kelly

Nicole Kidman arrives at the Monday premiere of 'Australia' in Sydney. (Getty Images)

Tuesday

Headlines: Suri Cruise tops Forbes list of World's Most Powerful Tots Under Age Five... Angelina Jolie tears up talking about mom at London press conference... Brooke Shields says "Lipstick Jungle" hasn't been canceled... Kiefer Sutherland opens up about jail experience... Christopher Lloyd says he won't rebuild home razed by wildfires... Ashlee Simpson still pregnant, may have to induce says sister Jessica... Sacha Baron Cohen's "Bruno" crashes "Medium" set... Diddy says he wasn't "black enough" for "Tropic Thunder"... Julianna Margulies won't return to "ER"... Cloris Leachman released from hospital... Michael Jackson sued by Bahrain sheikh... Prince sued by perfume company.

Pix: Amy Winehouse shows off new tattoo... Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter.

Crime Watch: Heather Locklear formally charged with DUI... "Bachelor" winner Mary Delgado arrested for public intoxication, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.

Rumor Mill: Britney Spears to light Rockefeller Center Christmas tree, yet still compares her life to a "jail sentence"... Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos back on?... Madonna to be new face of Louis Vuitton; Pamela Anderson signs on with Vivienne Westwood... Hacker uses Miley Cyrus's YouTube account to post death hoax... Employee sues Justin Timberlake-owned restaurant for unpaid wages.

Chat: Comic and Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange discusses his new memoir, "Too Fat to Fish," today at 12:30 p.m. ET.

By Liz Kelly  | November 18, 2008; 8:25 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Hey Elijah Wood: Stop Creeping Me Out

Comments

Let's dance (dance!)
Let's shout (shout!)
Sheikh Abdulla down to the ground. . . .

"Britney Spears to light Rockefeller Center Christmas tree" -- she probably thinks it's a new cigarette.

"Amy Winehouse shows off new tattoo" -- is it a toe tag?

"Heather Locklear formally charged with DUI" -- but informally, between us? She was just a little tipsy. Shh!

"Ashlee Simpson still pregnant" -- I think the Iran hostages spent less time confined. That poor baby!

"Madonna to be new face of Louis Vuitton" -- and then she tells fans "never mind about donating to that school I might build someday. I got it covered now thanks to my new endorsement deal. Thanks anyway."

Suri is influential? That list is just wrong. Forbes just went way down in my book. Is there nothing else they could've spent time talking about?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 18, 2008 8:34 AM | Report abuse

Suri? Most Powerful Under Five? Yeah, like *her* dad can beat up *my* dad.


Of course Diddy isn't black enough. B*tch, you ever hear Dolemite talkin' 'bout shavin' *his* pubes?


If the perfume company's lawsuit succeeds, Prince may change his name to The Artist Formerly Known As Financially Solvent.


It's nice to see that Amy Winehouse is prepared for the possibility that she might sleep out on the street. (That *is* why she's tied a sheet into knots and wrapped it around her head, right?)


"Bachelor" winner Mary Delgado, blah, blah, blah. Better story about a nobody arrested for drunken driving: "Two teenagers were cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated Saturday after their car crashed... while the driver was sending a text message.... The 16-year-old driver was reportedly sending a text message while a 17-year-old passenger operated the steering wheel..." (http://www.wausaudailyherald.com/article/20081117/WDH0101/81117013/1981)


Madonna to be new face of Louis Vuitton. Why - did Louis run out of other sources for leather?


Nice touch on the "informally," td.

Posted by: byoolin1 | November 18, 2008 8:55 AM | Report abuse

Amy and Kiefer stage an intervention for Britney about the true meaning of prison.

Both come away with the cosmic revelation that an actual jail is better than being Britney.

Posted by: elias_howe | November 18, 2008 9:01 AM | Report abuse

BTW, td, the TTT will make me laugh all day!

Posted by: elias_howe | November 18, 2008 9:03 AM | Report abuse

Why do I have this feeling that Ashlee Simpson is going to appear on SNL, pull a pillow out from under her shirt, then do a little ho-down dance off stage right.

Posted by: MStreet1 | November 18, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

In a year when Miley is writing her memoirs the headline about Suri doesn't surprise me. Although I am interested in finding out who she influences.

Good move on Julianna's part. I can't figure out why Anthony went back.

Byoolin, I had the same thought regarding Madonna.

Diddy wasn't even good enough to play the role of Simple Jack? He's in character everyday.

Posted by: petalceleb | November 18, 2008 9:22 AM | Report abuse

Drat, td and byoolin beat to the punch on several of these.


Of course Christopher Lloyd won't rebuild his house, he's just going to fire up the Delorean, get it's speed up to 88 mph to generate the 1.21 gigawatts (pronounced jiggawatts) in the flux capacitor and go back to when he still had a career.


Brooke Shields says "Lipstick Jungle" hasn't been canceled...and also says that she is a serious actress...


At this point, with the pregnancy going on forever, I am beginning to think that Ashlee Simpson is part elephant.


Yeah Diddy, it's because you weren't black enough, not the fact that you can't act your way out of a paper bag.


Well at least Amy Winehouse doesn't have that scary curly hair thing going on anymore.


Why does it seem as though Johnny Depp is merely just combining his previous roles for his new roles.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 18, 2008 9:23 AM | Report abuse

Memo

To: the Powers that Be in Lizard Land

From: your humble official inventor, Elias Howe

Subject: Addition to the Lizard Land Lexicon

Can we (in honor of td) forthwith and forever refer to Tuesday--any Tuesday--as Toe Tag Tuesday? We already have BKD. Why not TTT? Every Tuesday, upon the first sighting of a celeb, dead or alive, with a new or old tattoo, we will cry out in unison, TTT!

YVT

Elias

Posted by: elias_howe | November 18, 2008 9:25 AM | Report abuse

Thanks, Elias. Though to be fair, I don't think I'm the first one here to think of a toe tag with regard to Amy Winehouse!

(TTT has another meaning in Lizardland, you know: Texting Tweener Tw*ts. I kinda miss them since the good ol' pre-registration BKDs.)

Dorkus, great line about Christopher Lloyd, the flux capacitor and "back to when he still had a career." Nicely done.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 18, 2008 10:23 AM | Report abuse

Did anyone notice Suri is wearing pants? I'm sure it was all because of the Lizard Island pledge drive that this poor but influential tot will no longer be cold.

Ashlee, one word for you girl, EPIDURAL.

I was ready to believe Diddy's comment about being turned down for Tropic Thunder was just another example of his standing as a needium (needia? which is it?)but then read he said it at a dinner honoring Ben Stiller, director. Who knew Diddy could be funny?

Agree Johnny Depp appears to be repeating some of his previous roles. His Mad Hatter getup looks like a combination of his Willie Wonka,Sweeney Todd and Edward Scissorhands costumes. Sort of creeps me out. Isn't this supposed to be a children's movie?

Posted by: hodie | November 18, 2008 10:26 AM | Report abuse

Madonna is the new face of Louis Vitton. Here goes...

- At least she isn't the arms and legs of Louis Vitton.

- First commercial features Madge kicking Guy out of the house, tossing LV luggage at him, one by one.

- Is the world ready for $500 LV leather yoga mats and $160 LV red Kabballa bracelets?

Posted by: mdreader01 | November 18, 2008 10:48 AM | Report abuse

Again, with the questions...

Will Miley Cyrus'autobiography be as half as interesting as the autobiography Michael Jackson never wrote?

Will Britney Spears use a Bic or a Zippo lighter to light the Rockefeller Plaza Christmas Tree?

Whose make-up is thicker? Pamela Anderson's or Vivienne Westwood's?

Posted by: mdreader01 | November 18, 2008 10:54 AM | Report abuse

Wow - totally hilarious to read "Suri Cruise" but see Nicole Kidman.

Posted by: jaybbub | November 18, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

How about a list of Lists We Could Do Without? Surely (or Surily?) at or near the top, World's Most Powerful Tots Under Age Five.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | November 18, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

How about a list of Lists We Could Do Without? Surely (or Surily?) at or near the top, World's Most Powerful Tots Under Age Five.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | November 18, 2008 11:26 AM

Paris Hilton's BFFs
Lance Armstrongs or John Mayer's girlfriends
Jolie-Pitt kids and/or residences
and finally we don't need to see a list of P.Diddy's favorite grooming tips

Posted by: hodie | November 18, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

Dorkus and hodie, your comments made me look at the Johnny Depp photo. Agreed on all counts -- the comments on that photo are pretty funny, e.g.,

* He looks like Sigorney Weaver in the first Ghost Busters [sic] after she gets possessed....and then she took testosterone pills
* Looks like Helena Bonnam Carter to me.
* [M]ore like willy wonka, carrot top and the cheshire cat had a massive orgy

Me? I thought maybe someone had discovered a long-lost Adam Ant record.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 18, 2008 11:46 AM | Report abuse

Madonna to be new face of Louis Vuitton. Why - did Louis run out of other sources for leather?


Posted by: byoolin1 | November 18, 2008 8:55 AM
-----------------------------------------
That was my first thought, too, Byool'.
Sick Minds Think Alike

Forget how rich the parents are. The most influential tot in the world will be the one to remove the stink from their $h|t.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 18, 2008 11:47 AM | Report abuse

Forget about Lipstick Jungle. Will someone please can those VW Routan commercials starring Brooke Shields. The only possible way they might be entertaining is if Brooke encounters TomKat shopping for a Routan, and a fight ensues over whether buying a Routan is a better treatment for depression than SSRIs.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 18, 2008 11:52 AM | Report abuse

But did the toe tag read "Emotionally Exhausted and Morally Bankrupt?"

Posted by: elias_howe | November 18, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

yeah that's right Diddy, you're not black enough cause clearly the casting crew didn't consider how talented and funny you are...

That Paris- wasn't she going on and on about how she wanted to settle down and spawn w/Benji. I hope he wakes up and dumps her a**.

Brit-brit- settling down and acting like a calm, responsible adult may feel like prison to you but imagine the alternative. You could continue being crazy and land in a real prison. I'm sure you'll be begging for the boring life after a stint w/the real thing.

Aw Ashlee for the love God, girl. Go walk around some super big mall in your neighborhood, eat like a cow and have sex w/Pete. That baby will pop out the next day- I guarantee it.

Say what you want about Angelina- but since having her children- adopted and biological- she is absolutely luminous. She used to look kind of skanky to me but now she is gorgeous.

Posted by: plamar1031 | November 18, 2008 12:02 PM | Report abuse

I just got to see the photo of Johnny and he looks like should be playing Lestat. I think vampire when looking at that picture not mad hatter. Poor rabbit.

Posted by: petalceleb | November 18, 2008 12:08 PM | Report abuse

If there were a god in heaven, Madonna would've been the Mad Hatter and Johnny Depp the new face of Louis Vuitton.

Always,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 18, 2008 12:09 PM | Report abuse

I was totally thinking the same, i.e.:
Madonna's face=leather
Pamela Anderson=big boobs in basque

Plus, I really think Madge is starting to look like Achmed the Dead Terrorist.
"Silence! I keel you!! And I shove theese Vuitton dressing case in your groin!"

Posted by: possum_pouch | November 18, 2008 12:12 PM | Report abuse

Seriously, what was Forbes thinking? What influence do toddlers have? This is what is wrong with society today -- believing children have "influence." Not if parents are doing their job.

But, since Katie is apparently not allowed to say "no" to her kid, Forbes may have a point.

I feel bad for Christopher Lloyd. He had a lot of memorabilia from Taxi and Back to the Future in that house.

Posted by: epjd | November 18, 2008 12:21 PM | Report abuse

The only thing I blame Johnny Depp for is not being able to say "NO" to Tim Burton who, apparently, plays with only one box of paints.

The poster formerly known as BeachGirl.

Posted by: BraleyPJ | November 18, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

But did the toe tag read "Emotionally Exhausted and Morally Bankrupt?"

Posted by: elias_howe | November 18, 2008 12:00 PM
================================

elias_h,

Actually, we here in the Lizard Morgue have a stack of the "Exhausted and Morally Bankrupt" toe tags.

This is not good.

Ok, listen up, people. Who is missing their toe tag?

As ever, Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 18, 2008 12:42 PM | Report abuse

Ok, listen up, people. Who is missing their toe tag?

As ever, Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 18, 2008 12:42 PM

*******************************************

It could be mine....

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 18, 2008 12:46 PM | Report abuse

Well, it's not like Forbes can spend its time writing about the economy. I mean, after all, how many ways are there to say, "It sucks, folks."

Hmmm. Another list....

Posted by: dablues1 | November 18, 2008 12:48 PM | Report abuse

I will state for the record that I have never had the pleasure of acquaintance of either Frank Burns or Amy Whinehouse.

But I have seen a bona fide toe tag.

Posted by: elias_howe | November 18, 2008 12:51 PM | Report abuse

Frank Burns of M*A*S*H?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | November 18, 2008 1:01 PM | Report abuse

Amy Winehouse: the train wreck I don't want to look at, but can't look away. And what's with the three hospital bracelets on her arms? A new form of accessory for druggies?

I heart Nicole Kidman, but even I have to admit she looks a bit frozen and fake. I so wish she'd go back to red hair -- much more flattering than that washed-out peroxide blonde she's had for years.

byoolin beat me to the face-like-dried-out-hide comment. :)

Posted by: Californian11 | November 18, 2008 1:33 PM | Report abuse

I see we're all struck by the ill-advised choice of leather luggage as a celebrity sponsorship for Madonna--just reading the sentence conjured all kinds of nasty images in my mind.

Diddy just needs to shut up. Seriously, can we load him and Kanye West on the Manhattan project too?

************


The only thing I blame Johnny Depp for is not being able to say "NO" to Tim Burton who, apparently, plays with only one box of paints.

The poster formerly known as BeachGirl.

Very well put, BeachGirl. I would add that it always distresses me when he goes so totally out of his way to ulglify himself. It's a crime, really. I have to haul out DVDs of Chocolat or Gilbert Grape to get over a Sweeney Todd viewing.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | November 18, 2008 1:43 PM | Report abuse

Let me add to my comment:
Madonna is the new as$ of Achmed the Terrorist.

Posted by: possum_pouch | November 18, 2008 2:09 PM | Report abuse

"Amy Winehouse: the train wreck I don't want to look at, but can't look away. And what's with the three hospital bracelets on her arms? A new form of accessory for druggies?"

********************

It's her OD collection. Three more and she can send them in to redeem for a shiny new casket.

Posted by: MStreet1 | November 18, 2008 2:56 PM | Report abuse

Frank Burns of M*A*S*H, yes. He was the one toe tagged "Emotionally Exhausted and Morally Bankrupt."

Posted by: elias_howe | November 18, 2008 3:01 PM | Report abuse

Amy Winehouse is certainly showing her time management skills.

Shoot up and get a tattoo with the same needle. How efficient!

Keep those toe tags handy, folks.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 18, 2008 3:14 PM | Report abuse

Frank Burns of M*A*S*H, yes. He was the one toe tagged "Emotionally Exhausted and Morally Bankrupt."
***************************************

I need that on a t-shirt so I can wear it every day to my soul-shredding job.

ps. Frank Burns eats worms.

Posted by: jelo | November 18, 2008 4:05 PM | Report abuse

Paging Rasputin... (also, $343K is not a multiple of $37K).

"Sheikh spent $350K on Michael Jackson 'brain guru'":
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2008/11/18/2008-11-18_sheikh_spent_350k_on_michael_jackson_bra.html
LONDON - A sheikh subsidizing Michael Jackson spent almost $350,000 on a brain-power guru to help the singer's creative juices flow.

"Mind-mapping and motivational guru" Tony Buzan came to Bahrain for a week at the singer's request, said Bankim Thanki, lawyer for Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad al-Khalifa, who is suing Jackson for $7 million in a breach-of-contract case here.

Buzan "did not come cheap," he noted in court today: Buzan charged $37,000 a session for a total of $343,000.

"Who paid for that? Yes, Sheikh Abdulla," said Thanki.

The 33-year-old sheikh - son of the king of Bahrain - alleges that Jackson took millions in advances from him but failed to deliver on contractually agreed projects, including an album, a "frankly personal" autobiography and a musical...

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | November 18, 2008 4:31 PM | Report abuse

I must lend the copy of my book "Getting Blood from a Turnip" to the Sheik.

Jelo, I too have a soul shredding job. We can make a bundle on those t-shirts.

Posted by: hodie | November 18, 2008 4:38 PM | Report abuse

hodie, I thought you healed the sick and raised the dead (with props to Mose Allison).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | November 18, 2008 4:47 PM | Report abuse

In my former life, Nosy. Now I administrate.

Posted by: hodie | November 18, 2008 4:53 PM | Report abuse

Wait, don't most of us have soul-sucking jobs, isn't that why we gathered on the Island in the first place?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 18, 2008 4:59 PM | Report abuse

I guess you're right Dorkus. I think we all can wear the t-shirt. Will look good during softball season.

Posted by: hodie | November 18, 2008 5:25 PM | Report abuse

Our soul-sucking jobs don't hold a candle to whatever Sheikh Abdulla does all day.

Get a life, Abe!

Your obedient servant,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 18, 2008 5:26 PM | Report abuse

XXXL for you Sasquatch?

Posted by: hodie | November 18, 2008 5:26 PM | Report abuse

I figured Sas for a hair-shirt man.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | November 18, 2008 5:57 PM | Report abuse

I figured Sas for a hair-shirt man.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | November 18, 2008 5:57 PM

*******************************************

And I get crap for my bad puns....

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 18, 2008 5:58 PM | Report abuse

XXXL for you Sasquatch?

Posted by: hodie | November 18, 2008 5:26 PM
=========================

Probably so.

At least that's what's written in lipstick on the bathroom wall.

It's strange. The lipstick has long, shaggy, beige hairs clinging to it.

SWAK,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 18, 2008 6:07 PM | Report abuse

It's strange. The lipstick has long, shaggy, beige hairs clinging to it.

**************************************************

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Posted by: jelo | November 18, 2008 6:34 PM | Report abuse

According to Pete, Ashlee isn't even due until "right around Thanksgiving." Yes, the poor girl is pregnant and at the end of her pregnancy ... but she's not even overdue yet. Both of my kids were overdue and had to be induced ... one at 9 days, one at 13 ... suck it up, Ash ... it's almost over ...

Posted by: TayRen | November 20, 2008 7:41 AM | Report abuse

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