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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 11/ 4/2008

Tuesday List: Driving Election Day to Distraction

By Liz Kelly

Updated 4:54 p.m. ET (scroll down)


What do Snoop Dogg and former Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins have to do with today's presidential election? Absolutely nothing. (Getty Images)

As long as we're planning to do our duty and vote (if you're a registered voter, find your polling place here), I think it only fair that we have a neutral corner in which to retreat from all the backing-and-forthing, lefting-and-righting and exit-polling. A place where we can put aside partisan politics and agree on certain inalienable truths. Truths that tether us to reality because, like the sun rising each morning, these things will always be so: Paris Hilton will never be a Ph.D candidate, the Olsen twins will ALWAYS look 14-years-old, Suri Cruise is (probably) wearing a dress today, Oprah Winfrey is never going away, somewhere Amy Winehouse is waking up and looking for her ratty pink ballet slippers, and, yes, Diddy does take himself this seriously.

I already feel better.

In this spirit of keeping this a mostly-election free space, I donate today's main post to the cause of distracting us all from the suffocating symptoms of Election Day news overdose.

Think of Celebritology as a place to find out what's going on in the rest of the world -- assuming for our purposes that "rest of the world" means Hollywood, the tabloids and Britney Spears's house. Keep coming back throughout the day for a bit of escapist banter, well-intentioned snarking and distracting high calorie, low nutrition celeb news and links.

I'll be checking in every so often to take a general pulse and post the most distracting stuff I can find. I just care that much.

And, please, share your links or strategies for getting through the day below in the comments section...

---
***UPDATE: 11:48 a.m. ET***
Okay, so just because my first dispatch is actually voting-related doesn't mean we can't have fun or that I'm election-obsessed. Because how could I resist this pic of Diddy casting his vote this morning in New York?


(AP)

But, by way of an apology, here's an actual distraction, straight from the Rumor Mill. Somehow in the crush of news last week, I missed it. Better late than never, though:

They've fought about everything from their fashion line to each other's boyfriends, and now Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen can add plastic surgery to their list of sibling gripes.

In the Nov. 10 issue of Star, on sale now, we report that the 22-year-olds' latest battle is over getting matching boob jobs. [Star]

Maybe they won't always look 14-years-old after all. (See above)

I love you, Star Magazine.

---

***UPDATE: 2:56 p.m. ET***

About those hot pics of Kate Winslet channeling Catherine Deneuve in the new issue of Vanity Fair? Well, some claim that the slimmer than ever Winslet was airbrushed into svelteness.

Not so, says Winslet -- who spoke out against GQ in 2003 when the magazine airbrushed out her curves for a cover shot.

---
***UPDATE 4:54 p.m. ET***
Apologies -- I haven't updated as often as I'd planned this afternoon because my pursuit of distracting material was interrupted by my discharging my civic duty. In the interest of truth-telling, though, I must admit that there was no line at my polling place so I voted, then used the time I'd allotted for queueing in line to hit my local big box retailer. It's just all so American.

Know what else is American? Gawking at pictures of fey rockers married to a Simpson sister voting. That's right -- Pete Wentz appeared today at his polling place in Beverly Hills, Calif., to cast his vote while sporting a grey high-necked cotton jersey jacket and a bit of facial scruff. We can only assume he dashed out for a quick minute considering that wifey Ashlee could go into labor at any moment.


(AP)

Looks like his polling place wasn't crowded either. Stars, they're just like us.

By Liz Kelly  | November 4, 2008; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  Friday Lists, Miscellaneous  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Morning Mix: Get Your Non-Election Celeb News Fix Right Here.
Next: Morning Mix: Celebs Celebrate Obama Win

Comments

More truisms and predictions:

Madonna will continue to reinvent herself. Current MO is Desparate Housewife.

Tom Cruise will always be short.

The Jolie-Pitts will move later this month.

Jessica Simpson's next film will go straight to DVD. (And be a Walmart exclusive).

Posted by: hodie | November 4, 2008 11:30 AM | Report abuse

BREAKING NEWS: Katherine Heigl has dropped out of the 2012 presidential race. Should she change her mind, however, Harrison Ford has offered to dress up as an Emmy Award to campaign for her opponent.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 4, 2008 11:35 AM | Report abuse

I hope Mary Kate sticks to her guns and does not get the boob job because then we will have some way to tell them apart.

Posted by: hodie | November 4, 2008 11:54 AM | Report abuse

TD, you win.

Posted by: Bawlmer | November 4, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

Reports the Star: "Anyway, she [Mary Kate]'s into that flat look and thinks clothes look better with less cleavage, so she'd rather be smaller and more stylish."

Um, Mary Kate, you might want to study up on: Salma Hayek, Scarlet Johnasson, Halle Berry (post pregnancy), Kate Winslett, or any other Hollywood actress that doesn't look 14.

But really, if the Trolsens wanted to look more voluptuous, they might try eating something.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 4, 2008 11:59 AM | Report abuse

I just wish the Olsens would stop speaking in that monotone, "we're too waifish to inflect" voice. Makes them sound like robots.

Posted by: kvs09 | November 4, 2008 12:20 PM | Report abuse

The Star also asks, "Which politically active celebrity would you like to see run for office?" http://www.starmagazine.com/polls/1895

Since you have to choose someone from the list in order to see the results, I selected Sarah Jessica Parker (hey, since she's making all those phone calls, she must care, right?). Current % totals (number of votes not shown):

Oprah Winfrey 34.6%
Ellen DeGeneres 16.0%
Elisabeth Hasselbeck 14.8%
Ben Affleck 8.6%
Angelina Jolie 8.6%
Brad Pitt 6.2%
Sarah Jessica Parker 4.9%
Joy Behar 4.9%
Heidi Montag 1.2%

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 4, 2008 12:22 PM | Report abuse

Hasselbeck is beating Affleck?

Wrongonsomanylevels.

As for the Trollsens & their boobs or lack thereof:

I guess flat chested is "in" for the bag lady look these days. Because that's what they usually look like to me, sad, but rich bag ladies.

Posted by: wadejg | November 4, 2008 12:28 PM | Report abuse

Somewhere between thinking about the Olson twins' monotonous speech and which celebrity we'd like to see run for office, I landed on the "What if I were a celebrity?"

If I were ever to be so (un?)lucky, my main goal would be to be as accessible and relatable as possible. I'd want to stay true and close to my roots as possible, which leads me to the questions: Who do you see as the most accessible and/or relatable celebrity?

Posted by: eet7e | November 4, 2008 12:45 PM | Report abuse

So basically, the Olsen twins are going for a bad lady look that appeals to pedophiles?

Yeah, I really hate myself for that one. But, the Lindbergh baby still died.

Posted by: epjd | November 4, 2008 1:02 PM | Report abuse

But, the Lindbergh baby still died.

Posted by: epjd | November 4, 2008 1:02 PM

******************************************

Ha! Thanks ep, I needed a good laugh.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 4, 2008 1:13 PM | Report abuse

Russell Brand lands on his feet:

Russell Brand left Britain in disgrace, but less than a week after resigning from his BBC Radio 2 show his career appears to have recovered.

Brand is reportedly thrashing out a deal to appear in the fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film - as Captain Jack Sparrow's younger brother Jonathan. The deal to appear in the children's film could be worth as much as £5million and would catapault the 33-year-old into the Hollywood A-list.


http://tinyurl.com/55tsdj


Is there a way to code a link in the comments? I tried your basic HTML and it didn't seem to work in preview.

Posted by: dablues | November 4, 2008 1:15 PM | Report abuse

maybe the trollsens could get shoes that inflated and deflated according to the situation... Or better yet, each only gets to have shoes on designated days. MK on MWF, and A on TTHSa. But they both get to have shoes on Sunday for church.

Posted by: dablues | November 4, 2008 1:19 PM | Report abuse

That really should have read: bag lady that appeals to pedophiles.

Of course, boobs on the Olsen twins would look weird. They would have these bulbous heads, stick bodies with two weird protrusions on their chests. Oh ick, I just made myself ill.

Posted by: epjd | November 4, 2008 1:20 PM | Report abuse

Since today seems to be a free-for-all... will someone PLEASE explain to me what "Quantum of Solace" means? It makes me wince every time I hear it, it's so nonsensical.

Posted by: WDC2 | November 4, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

What if the twins just split a boob job--each gets one?

Posted by: mouse4 | November 4, 2008 2:43 PM | Report abuse

WDC2, Quantum of Solace was one of Ian Flemming's short stories. It didn't have much to do with Bond itself, but rather a story about a young man in an unhappy marriage and the loneliness of his misery.

I think the only reason it was used as the title was because it was the only one that hasn't been used yet.

(and yes I have read all the Ian Flemming novels)

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 4, 2008 2:46 PM | Report abuse

ep,

All I can say about it is that every time I watch "The Lindbergh Kidnapping Case", the baby always dies in the end!

Posted by: elias_howe | November 4, 2008 2:50 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, I heard on the radio an explanation re "Quantum of Solace," and it conformed to what you wrote. I think the title only means that after the period of time after Bond's marriage ended, he finally was achieving a first tiny amount (i.e., quantum) of solace over his sadness.

Since you're a Bond fan, I wonder if you saw this recent article online:
"Ian Fleming 'used 16th century spy as inspiration for James Bond'":
http://www.mi6.co.uk/news/index.php?itemid=6945&t=mi6&s=news

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | November 4, 2008 3:03 PM | Report abuse

So... Which celeb is going to take the most credit for getting their candidate in the white house???

Posted by: Osteph | November 4, 2008 3:14 PM | Report abuse

Speaking of politically active celebs: Tim Robbins reportedly spent 4 hours this morning sorting out why he was dropped from the voting rolls for the polling place where he's been registered for the past decade.

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/04/tim-robbins-encounters-confusion-at-the-polls/

Posted by: northgs | November 4, 2008 3:22 PM | Report abuse

So... Which celeb is going to take the most credit for getting their candidate in the white house???

Posted by: Osteph | November 4, 2008 3:14 PM
=========================================

Not John Voight.

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 4, 2008 3:22 PM | Report abuse

Oh Kate, Kate, Kate. WHY did you have to marry that artistic genius, Sam Mendes, instead of a smelly, hairy cryptid like me??

For Christmas, I'm giving Ms. Snatchquatch an unlimited kitchen pass for Daniel Craig.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 4, 2008 3:26 PM | Report abuse

BTW, in the photo of Snoopy it looks as if he's wearing kid sunglasses.

Does anyone know when Sean Connery's book will be published in the US (One must pronounce US as "you esh", of course.)

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 4, 2008 3:31 PM | Report abuse

BTW, I will test the prototype of my new invention starting at midnight tonight!

E.L.I.A.S is the name. Eliminating Libel, Insinuation And Slander.

Check to see how it works on your TV!

Posted by: elias_howe | November 4, 2008 3:47 PM | Report abuse

Elias,

Are you going to banish the talking heads from television at midnight?

I can't wait and send all good vibes to y9u - just make sure you haven't left the screwdriver in the E.L.I.A.S when it's ready to activate.

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 4, 2008 3:52 PM | Report abuse

Mudge,

The E.L.I.A.S. is designed only to work on commercials.

As for the talking heads, well, they generally don't interrupt when I am trying to watch "Pushing Daisies"

Posted by: elias_howe | November 4, 2008 3:59 PM | Report abuse

I am so ready for that invention of yours Elias. Better start working on the 2012 upgrade now.

I am Hodie and I approve this message.

Posted by: hodie | November 4, 2008 4:06 PM | Report abuse

BTW, I will test the prototype of my new invention starting at midnight tonight!

E.L.I.A.S is the name. Eliminating Libel, Insinuation And Slander.

Check to see how it works on your TV!

Posted by: elias_howe | November 4, 2008 3:47 PM

-------------------------------------------

I find that I already have a useful device to block television programs that are full of lies.

It's called a R-E-M-O-T-E.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 4, 2008 4:09 PM | Report abuse

Ahhh, Sas, but the beauty of the E.L.I.A.S (if it proves out), is that you will not have to even raise one of your hairy phalanges to rid you of the cursed lies!

And you can continue to watch the program, unmolested!

Posted by: elias_howe | November 4, 2008 4:13 PM | Report abuse

Elias,

Ahhhhhh.

Good thinking.

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 4, 2008 4:19 PM | Report abuse


What if the twins just split a boob job--each gets one?

Posted by: mouse4 | November 4, 2008 2:43 PM
---------------------------------------------
Ooooo, that is Snarky!!!! Excellently Snarky!!!

If Mary Kate and Ashley each get one, they could make a movie about their implants. The working title could be, "The New Adventures of Thelma and Louise."

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 4, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

What if the twins just split a boob job--each gets one?

Posted by: mouse4 | November 4, 2008 2:43 PM
---------------------------------------------
Ooooo, that is Snarky!!!! Excellently Snarky!!!

If Mary Kate and Ashley each get one, they could make a movie about their implants. The working title could be, "The New Adventures of Thelma and Louise."

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 4, 2008 4:30 PM

...and since they seem to be joined at the hip, it wouldn't even look that odd if they choose opposite sides for the implant.

Posted by: hodie | November 4, 2008 4:34 PM | Report abuse

Hodie, Sas et al.

Speaking of "shoes", you should follow the excellent adventures of nipple-less woman in Gene Weingarten's talks. Today she reveals that while she is undergoing a "shoe" reduction, her sister is going for a "shoe" augmentation.

The nipple still remains in an undisclosed location.

Obviously, this is a story that we all should keep abreast of.

Posted by: elias_howe | November 4, 2008 4:43 PM | Report abuse

I just hope the nipple lady's doctor remembers where he put it when the time comes to do the reattachment. It would be awful if it wound up in a bowl of chex mix and . . .

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 4, 2008 4:48 PM | Report abuse

. . . then we could all call the nipple lady's doctor a boob.

VTY

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | November 4, 2008 4:49 PM | Report abuse

Sorry elias, I have to disagree about the nipple lady. It would be interesting if she didn't provide QUITE so much detail. Some of today's update was truly cringeworthy. But it was a great chat today--all over the map. And I loved revisiting The Peekaboo Paradox.

Kate Winslet has never looked so hot as she does in those pictures. Wow.

Just heard on CNN that all those places like Starbucks that were offering freebies if you had an I Voted sticker on have solved the problem of violating election laws (incentive to vote issues) by offering freebies to anyone, sticker or no. Go get your free java, donut, whatever!

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | November 4, 2008 4:56 PM | Report abuse

I actually had no problem with Starbucks offering fre java to voters. As long as it was not contingent on voting for a particular candidate, it strikes me as a great way to get out the vote.

I just saw Ron Silver on Cavuto's show. I think he was talking about the election, but I couldn't tell. All I could think was "what happened to his hair?"

Posted by: epjd | November 4, 2008 5:05 PM | Report abuse

chick fil a giving away free sandwhiches too! Happy Voting day!

until tomorrow,

Posted by: hodie | November 4, 2008 5:13 PM | Report abuse

So... Which celeb is going to take the most credit for getting their candidate in the white house???

Posted by: Osteph | November 4, 2008 3:14 PM
=========================================
That would be Oprah, the arbiter of everything.

Posted by: JLRGG | November 4, 2008 5:15 PM | Report abuse

I agree with you epjd, but strict election law forbids incentives for voting irrespective of whether it hinges on voting for a particular candidate. But I suspect it goes back to robber barons paying people to register to vote and voting for a particular candidate. It should be revamped though--like you said, I didn't see any harm in it, seemed more like a reward for being a conscientious citizen and voting *your choice* than anything else.

Okay, I have to confess some ignorance and hope someone will help me out. The final Opus on Sunday...I didn't get it. Was that one of Berkeley's children's books? BB seems to imply it in his "final message" on his website, but I must have missed references to that book over the years because no less than 55 people guessed right. Anyone with a good/better or more accurate explanation?

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | November 4, 2008 5:44 PM | Report abuse

Dear Sorcerers_cat, a few days ago I spent some time wandering around Berkeley Breathed's website to get some clues about Opus' ending.

Several years ago, Berkeley created a take-off of "Goodnight Moon," that is titled "Goodnight Opus." I haven't read the book, but it sounds like a great read for parents of 7-10 year-olds. The plot involves Opus' little old lady nanny falling alseep while reading "Goodnight Moon," to Opus. Opus' imagination runs wild and concocts all manner of strange creatures and adventures. One of the adventures involves taking a cruise through the galaxy. The moral of the story is for children not to let their imaginations be bounded by conventional thinking.

The ending of Opus the comic strip also segues nicely with the anxiety closet that has disturbed the sleep of Opus and his friend Binkley through the years. By inserting himself into "Goodnight Moon," Opus can now sleep peacefully.

Finally, the ending is a metaphor for Berkeley's remark a couple of years ago that he intended to "kill off" Opus. While Opus has not died in the usual sense, he now "rests in peace," within the "Goodnight Moon," story.

It's too bad that Berkeley waited until the very end to portray Steve Dallas as realistically as he did in the final strip.

Definitely one of the finest moments in the history of the comic strip as art form. Much better than For Better or Worse and even beats the "Let's go exploring!" finale from Calvin and Hobbes.

I think that's enough analysis for now.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 4, 2008 6:05 PM | Report abuse

OK, sorcerers_cat but the whole story is rather titillating. For instance why is only one nipple off the body and in an undisclosed location? And the oxymoron of her sister having an enlargement while she had a reduction is just too good to pass up!

And what do Sasquatch and the Olsen twins have in common with this all? The mind can boggle thinking of all the possibilities.

Posted by: elias_howe | November 4, 2008 7:39 PM | Report abuse

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