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Posted at 8:45 AM ET, 12/18/2008

Morning Mix: Let the Inaugural Ball Battles Begin

By Jen Chaney

Headlines: Stars jockeying for position at inaugural balls;Yo-Yo Ma/Beyonce feud almost inevitable... Miss Piggy opens up about love, life... NBC to auction ScarJo snot rag ... Will Smith tithes to Scientology ... Tom Cruise passes on son's premiere, cites conflicting schedules ... Death of fan gave Simon Cowell pause... 90210's Shenae Grimes commits crimes against fashion, gym-goers... Paris Hilton commits crimes against Bentley ...A-Rod practices really safe sex ... Brangelina brood to enjoy a DIY Christmas... Jeremy Piven, off Broadway .

Rumor Mill: J. Lo, Marc Anthony breaking up... Kevin Bacon thinking about "Footloose" remake ... Speidi marriage a sham?... Vince Vaughn considers popping the question... Tiffani Thiessen pregnant... Christopher Nolan wearing Bad Idea jeans.

Legal Watch: Court investigates Jodie Sweetin for drug use... Death of Mark Ruffalo's brother ruled a homicide... Cops: Mindy McCready hospitalized after suicide attempt... Akon pleads guilty to hurling fan...Man arrested for grabbing LiLo...

Just Because: Elisabeth Hasselbeck's 25 Most Annoying Moments

-- Posted by Guest Celebritologist Paul Williams

By Jen Chaney  | December 18, 2008; 8:45 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Interview Tips for the Media-Challenged Celebrity

Comments

I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing those pictures of A-Rod playing with his "athletic supporter".

((shivers))

Posted by: flutterbyjen | December 18, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse

J. Lo, Marc Anthony breaking up-

Oh, God. Will J. Lo be "hooking up" for photo ops? Blech!

Posted by: jezebel3 | December 18, 2008 9:11 AM | Report abuse

Only an idiot would pay money for one of ScarJo's used snot rags. Especially when you can get them for free by going through her garbage.

Tom Cruise, Model Father.

"Speidi marriage a sham?" Why is that even a question?

Way to keep 'em guessing, Scott Ruffalo.

Thank you, Guest Celebritologist Paul Williams: I was wracking my brain trying to come up with the perfect description of a Herculean task. Picking 25 Most Annoying Moments out of the 16-plus-million-minutes of Elisabeth Hasselbeck's has to be it.

Posted by: byoolin1 | December 18, 2008 9:19 AM | Report abuse

Er, "Picking 25 Most Annoying Moments out of the 16-plus-million-minutes of Elisabeth Hasselbeck's *life* has to be it."

Posted by: byoolin1 | December 18, 2008 9:20 AM | Report abuse

In the Beyonce/Yo-Yo Ma throw down, I got my money on Beyonce. Don't mess with a Houston girl (seriously, I've dated a few, they will take you down and not bat an eye).


Okay, is anyone else tired of Miss Piggy always talking about her love life? Really, can we get past this. We all know about you and Kermit. Can't you just do one interview where you don't talk about how much you two are in love?


It's nice to see Tom Cruise taking himself out of consideration for Father of the Year.


Eddie Murphy Riddler? I've got a riddle for you, what do Pluto Nash, Meet Dave, Dr. Dolittle, Vampire in Brooklyn, Norbit, The Nutty Professor, and Holy Man all have in common?

However Rachel Weisz in a Catwoman outfit could make the movie bearable....


Not to be cruel or anything, but in the picture, is Mindy McCready sporting Wolverine sideburns?


I didn't read the ScarJo article (thanks Producer Paul), I just looked at the picture.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 18, 2008 9:33 AM | Report abuse

Elizabeth Hasselbeck telling Melissa Etheridge that CA voters got Prop 8 right just before Melissa was set to perform a Christmas song was extremely uncomfortable TV. She even managed to get her catchphrase "activist judges" in there. I don't understand why she's still given a platform.

Posted by: sarahabc | December 18, 2008 9:37 AM | Report abuse

Oh, how long before we get the crazy guy posting about how ScarJo is a German clone?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 18, 2008 9:37 AM | Report abuse

Paul Williams!

Loved you in "Smokey and the Bandit." I don't know which of your songs makes me cry more. It's a toss up between "Rainbow Connection" and "You and Me Against the World."

Posted by: mdreader01 | December 18, 2008 10:05 AM | Report abuse

Having to watch countless hours of Elisabeth Hasselbeck to come up with only 25 annoying moments of 2008 is bound to cause a psychotic break.

Posted by: jes11 | December 18, 2008 10:05 AM | Report abuse

Death of fan gives Simon Cowell pause.....but only for a second, life goes on and it really wasn't about him was it?

Sorry Connor, Dad has to arm wrestle Matt Lauer in New York to settle this "Crazy" thing once and for all. But he might like a copy of the DVD for father's Day.

Watch for Angelina to sport her new Macaroni necklace at Brad's Christmas day premiere.

Kevin Bacon remakes Footloose? Will this be the Ballroom edition? Geezers in the home not allowed to dance for fear they'll break a hip until maverick resident Bacon shows them how to Cha-cha. Costarring Cloris Leachman.

Hey, let's hear it for Miss Piggy and a lasting Hollywood romance. Rare these days you know.

Posted by: hodie | December 18, 2008 10:16 AM | Report abuse

Dude I totally noticed J Lo sans ring last week. Catch up, US Weekly!

Posted by: mannc | December 18, 2008 10:19 AM | Report abuse

My sympathies to the person or people who had to identify 25 annoying things associated with Hasselbeck.

How does one create a religion? In these trying times I think a switch in careers is appropriate. The Scientologists are getting six figures from Will.

Posted by: petalceleb | December 18, 2008 11:02 AM | Report abuse

Petal, I recall reading that L. Ron Hubbard bragged that he founded Scientology because he thought it would be the surest way to make a bundle of money.

Of course, here on Lizard Island some of us are Pastafarians.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 18, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

Everyone who has been touched by his noodly appendage raise their hand!

Posted by: dablues1 | December 18, 2008 11:13 AM | Report abuse

Oh yeah, the JLo and Marc countdown begins! We already have at least one "spokesperson" saying they're "fine". Let's all keep track of the other signs as they appear, shall we?

Posted by: jaybbub | December 18, 2008 11:13 AM | Report abuse

So Tom Cruise misses his kid's premiere. What about Nicole Kidman? Maybe they're just doing the divorced parent thing.

Posted by: otherliz | December 18, 2008 11:28 AM | Report abuse

Tom Cruise skipped the premiere because Connor is taller than him now.

While I didn't need to see the A-Rod shots, I now get why he and Madonna get along so well since they both wear their underwear outside their clothes.

While we don't really need a "Footloose" remake (nor the original film's availability for future viewing at all for that matter), Kevin should first make sure his dance double aged like he did. Sadly, Chris Penn would not be able to participate. Even sadder, Lori Singer likely would.

Kelly's pregnant? Was it Zack or Slater? Who's gonna tell Mr. Belding?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 18, 2008 11:33 AM | Report abuse

I love how celebrities think that just because they gave a lot of money to a campaign they have a right to be right next to the candidate at the inauguration. Unlike everyone else.

EP, ESQUIRE (officially)

Posted by: epjd | December 18, 2008 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Congratulations, EP!

Posted by: mdreader01 | December 18, 2008 11:46 AM | Report abuse

Congrats EP, Esq.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 18, 2008 11:48 AM | Report abuse

ep Esq. Oh, Paw, our little girl is all grown up (sniff). We're so proud of you, dumplin'!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 18, 2008 11:49 AM | Report abuse

I remember reading an article some years back about Marc Anthody's previous wife, who was Ms. Universe (I think). One of the things wrong were his control freak ways. Plus he was cattin' around a bit. I don't see the appeal there myself. He's not exactly "easy on the eyes" in any way, shape, or form.

Posted by: jelo | December 18, 2008 11:51 AM | Report abuse

P.S. ep, it seems like a lot of celebs could use a good lawyer from time to time. With your minor in snarkology from the College of Celebritology, you seem especially qualified for this specialty!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 18, 2008 11:53 AM | Report abuse

In the Beyonce/Yo Yo Ma throwdown, I'm taking YoYo. He has a cello bow, which could serve as a sharp, pointed object.

Posted by: dablues1 | December 18, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

jelo, I agree totally re Marc Anthony. Ick. Just plain ick (even bearing in mind that I generally find Latin guys really hot).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 18, 2008 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Congrats to Ep!!!! Hip hip horray!

Nosy,
Oh did he really? I need to come up with something good, clearly the premise doesn't have to make sense.

Posted by: petalceleb | December 18, 2008 12:01 PM | Report abuse

Have you ever noticed how many celebs get sued by their lawyers? They fail to pay their legal fees. Now why would I want a client that is too dumb to figure out that I sue people for a lving so ticking me off is not a good idea.

Posted by: epjd | December 18, 2008 12:19 PM | Report abuse

jelo, I agree totally re Marc Anthony. Ick. Just plain ick (even bearing in mind that I generally find Latin guys really hot).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 18, 2008 11:56 AM

Yes yes yes! I married a Latino myself. But Marc Anthony's skeletal face, the pasty skin, the sheer lack of personality. Why oh why J.Lo? My old running shoes have more personality!

Posted by: jelo | December 18, 2008 12:28 PM | Report abuse

ep
Now why would I want a client that is too dumb to figure out that I sue people for a lving so ticking me off is not a good idea.

Hmmm, because they have lotsa money? But the salient question is whether it's worth the aggro.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 18, 2008 12:34 PM | Report abuse

Ep, glad I have good malpractice insurance. Congrats!
hodie-lizard island witchdoctor

Posted by: hodie | December 18, 2008 12:43 PM | Report abuse

Of course the Brangelina brood makes their gifts, all their money goes into buying various houses around the world & flying to them, which is also the reason they never get to see much TV. Those kids aren't even sure where or when they are most of the time!

I LOOOVE how Will Smith is all Blagojecvich-esque with his denial of the fact that he's a $cientologist. Because most normal people, AKA any & all non-$cientologists, donate money to cults.

Oh yeah, almost forgot...34 DAYS UNTIL LOST PREMIERES!!

Posted by: wadejg | December 18, 2008 1:00 PM | Report abuse

Welcome to the club Ep!

J Lo and Marc Anthony seemed doomed from the beginning - I think (but am almost ashamed to admit remembering) that they dated years ago, before he married Miss Universe. And broke up b/c she became more successful than he.

Plus - they renewed vows a few months ago - the first step on the Celebrity marriage death march!

Posted by: Amelia5 | December 18, 2008 1:00 PM | Report abuse

Wow, it sure was nice to have a break from Brangelina over-sharing about the minutiae of their life. Break's over I guess. :-(

J.Lo, any one of a number of people (including a lot of us here on Lizard Island) could have told you (a) Marc Anthony was creepy and (b) Marc Anthony won't be faithful. Did J.Lo forget he left his first wife and kids for her? And that if he'll do it with ya, he'll do it to ya?

"Kevin Bacon thinking about "Footloose" remake" -- please god let that stay exactly where it belongs, in the rumor mill!

Posted by: Californian11 | December 18, 2008 1:14 PM | Report abuse

"Kevin Bacon thinking about "Footloose" remake" -- please god let that stay exactly where it belongs, in the rumor mill!

Posted by: Californian11 | December 18, 2008 1:14 PM

*******************************************

Hate to break it to you, but Wikipedia mentions the remake, and you know the Wiki never lies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Footloose

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 18, 2008 1:42 PM | Report abuse

amelia5, I had forgotten about the JLo and Marc vow renewal! Thanks for that - you are so right, it is the Sign of the Apocalypse for celebrity marriages.

(Didn't Greasy Marc renew his vows with the other wife right before he dumped her?)

Posted by: jaybbub | December 18, 2008 2:10 PM | Report abuse

A-Rod practices really safe sex

Before I looked at the pictures I would have bet he had hired someone to give Madonna the business.

I guess I was wrong

Kevin Bacon thinking about "Footloose" remake

Any guesses that he's thinking (hoping?) that people might forget that he ever starred in the original?

Stars jockeying for position at inaugural balls;Yo-Yo Ma/Beyonce feud almost inevitable

My money's on Yo-Yo Ma. With a name like his you know he took plenty of "stuff" growing up so I'm willing to bet that he's gotta be one tough SOB. He'll take his cello, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways and shove it straight up Beyonce's booty.

Will Smith tithes to Scientology

Good Philly boy gone bad. What happened to Will's promise to help rehab his old neighborhood? I guess he figures that he got his mom a nice house in the Philly 'burbs that he doesn't need to send money there anymore, so why not give it to a cult.

Tom Cruise passes on son's premiere, cites conflicting schedules

Translation - Tom's movie blows chunks and the studio heads and finance guys have all blown gaskets. He needs to stay on the publicity trail to keep in their good graces or risk having to pay for his movies out of his own pocket.

Posted by: ChaoticCracker | December 18, 2008 2:16 PM | Report abuse


Have you ever noticed how many celebs get sued by their lawyers? They fail to pay their legal fees. Now why would I want a client that is too dumb to figure out that I sue people for a lving so ticking me off is not a good idea.

Posted by: epjd | December 18, 2008 12:19 PM

----------------------------------------------
Back in early September I had some legal work that needed to get done. So I called my lawyer and left a voicemail saying, "Gary, I have some work for you. And I'll even pay you for it."

He got back to me within 15 minutes.

Also, I'm informed by Ms Snatchquatch, who has worked for many a lawyer, that the title "Esquire," traditionally applies only to lawyers of the XY gender. lawyers of the XX gender traditionally have the title "Attorney at law."

Me? I just look for the dorsal fin.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 18, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

Chaotic Cracker writes:

"Stars jockeying for position at inaugural balls;Yo-Yo Ma/Beyonce feud almost inevitable"
-----------------------------------------
Well, Producer Paul gave you a vision of A-Rod jockeying for the position of his balls.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 18, 2008 3:11 PM | Report abuse

I wonder is ScarJo ever kisses her honey when her nose is runny, and thinks it's funny.

ScarJo's auction of legal blow on eBay implements a threat made by George Carlin when Ms Snatchquatch and I saw him at the Warner Theater a couple of years ago. Carlin had nasal congestion that night, came out with a hanky (not Mister Hanky) in hand, blew his nose, wave the used snot rag at the crowd and said,

"eBay."

The crowd roared.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 18, 2008 3:16 PM | Report abuse

What do you get when you combine the Inaugural Ball appearances of Yo-Yo Ma, beyonce, and A-Rod?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 18, 2008 3:17 PM | Report abuse

Mabye Tom Cruise couldn't get out of his contractual promotional obligation, or maybe he wasn't that interested in the non-Suri kid's premiere.

Posted by: msame | December 18, 2008 3:17 PM | Report abuse

I give up, Sas. What do you get when you combine the Inaugural Ball appearances of Yo-Yo Ma, beyonce, and A-Rod?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 18, 2008 3:20 PM | Report abuse

Yo Mama's Balls

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 18, 2008 3:22 PM | Report abuse

Yo Mama's Balls

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 18, 2008 3:22 PM

*******************************************

I laughed way too hard on that one.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 18, 2008 3:38 PM | Report abuse

I laughed way too hard on that one.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 18, 2008 3:38 PM

---------------------------------------------------
You're a would-be cryptid comedian's dream audience.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 18, 2008 3:45 PM | Report abuse

Speaking of the Cruises, where is Nicole Kidman in Connor and Isabella's lives? Do they live with her at any point or with Tom-crazy all the time? Has she been banished b/c she's not a $cientolocult?

Posted by: Californian11 | December 18, 2008 3:47 PM | Report abuse

Californian, Nicole may be taking care of her own kid. And if she is overseas still promoting Australia, I can kind of understand that.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 18, 2008 4:05 PM | Report abuse

Allegedly, Wee Tom and Nicole share custody of Conner and Isabelle. However, the children are also home-schooled by Scientology teachers. So when Nicole seems them is a big question.

In Texas, no lawyer uses Esquire. It is considered pretentious. It is apparently a requirement for attorneys of either gender in Maryland. I wanna go home to Texas.

Posted by: epjd | December 18, 2008 4:27 PM | Report abuse

Really whenever someone uses the term esquire, I always think of Bill S. Preston Esquire, and then I laugh a little.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 18, 2008 4:38 PM | Report abuse

You are obviously easily amused Dorkus. Which can actually be good thing.

Posted by: epjd | December 18, 2008 4:57 PM | Report abuse

Which brings us to the question -- not a straight line -- How do you amuse an engineer? Note that I am not asking how an engineer amuses him/her self. Whenever I encounter an engineer, he/she always seems to absorbed in something that is amusing only to him/her.

One of the best license plates I ever saw was that of a female systems engineer at IBM:

GEEKETTE

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 18, 2008 5:03 PM | Report abuse

I've found most engineers are quite easily amused. I think we tend to look at the world as completely illogical and it gives us something to figure out and/or solve. We like to solve things.

As for my current state of easily amusedness, I think it has more to do with the fact that I was given fudge as a Christmas present today, than anything else. I may have to go and run this off after work, although it's so foggy out right now I'm a little afraid of being hit by a car.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 18, 2008 5:11 PM | Report abuse

I may have to go and run this off after work, although it's so foggy out right now I'm a little afraid of being hit by a car.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 18, 2008 5:11 PM

-------------------------------------------
Seems to me that this gives you have an engineering problem to solve.

Meanwhile, I'll go home and try to figure out what I'm not doing right in my attempt to adjust the front Sh|tmano 105 derailleur on Ms . Snatchquatch's bike.

And if you see Bill S. Prston, Esq, please ask him to say hello to Rufus for me.

Posted by: angelos_peter | December 18, 2008 5:51 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, don't do it. I don't want to see inthe Mistakeman tomorrow you got hit by a car. It was upsetting enough to see Jennifer Gale died. Austinites can't drive in sunny weather. Fog is noa no go.

Posted by: epjd | December 18, 2008 6:23 PM | Report abuse

Shoot! I have LOVED the new Batman flicks with Christian Bale. Now, if the report is right, they are going down the same path of destruction as the original (post-Keaton) movies. Shia as Robin? We don't need Robin! Eddie Murphy as The Riddler? Gimme a break.

This will just turn into the same silly mess as the Clooney Batman movie.

Now, I'm going to crawl into a corner and pretend I didn't see those A-Rod pics.

Posted by: TusconSteve | December 18, 2008 9:38 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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