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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 12/ 1/2008

Holiday Guide: Gift Ideas for the Non-Economically Challenged

By Liz Kelly

A Christie's employee models a stole once owned by Marilyn Monroe. (AP)

Maybe you just won the lottery or received a government bailout windfall. In either case, you've got a surplus of dollars to spare and want to buy your loved ones holiday season gifts that will not only delight, but make better long-term investments than blue chip stocks. Happily, Christie's auction house has assembled a juicy array of celebrity memorabilia, set to go on sale this Thursday.

I've got hundreds to spend:

For less than most Blu-ray DVD players, you could totally crush next Halloween by sporting a caveman costume possibly worn by John Goodman in 1994's "Flinstones" live action movie. And, bonus(!), you'll also get a matching costume designed for Rick Moranis's Barney Rubble character. Yabba dabba doo! (Estimated sale price range: $925 - $1,233)

Channel your inner diva by donning the very dress Jennifer Lopez wore to the London premiere of her 2000 bomb of a movie, "The Cell." Don't let the film's mediocrity affect your bid, though -- the dress is a lovely Blumarine recreation of flapper chic, with "beads and sequins in tones of pale pink, bronze and gold attached to a flesh coloured mesh ground over a matching and integral nude silk chiffon underdress." (Estimated sale price range: $771 - $1,079)

I've got a few thou to spend:

Is there a better way to say "I love you" than with a series of 28 love letters from Cary Grant to an alleged Yugoslavian lover? Bonus: If your wife/girlfriend's name is "Ljuba" or you're in the habit of calling her "Poor poor little gypsy," you may be able to pass them off as your own work. Trivia: "According to the vendor who knew Ljuba Otasevic, not only was she a beauty, but also a star basketball player in Yugoslavia in the 1950s." (Estimated sale price range: $3,852 - $5,393)

What woman doesn't need a black pencil skirt? And why settle for Ann Taylor when you can have the very Versace worn by Halle Berry in 2002 James Bond installment "Die Another Day?" (Estimated sale price range: $3,082 - $4,623)

I've got several thousand to spend:

Don't let pleats stop you from dropping considerable coin on a pair of black tuxedo trousers made for James Dean's portrayal of Jett Rink in 1956's "Giant." According to Christie's these pants may be the last trousers worn by Dean on film before his fatal 1955 car accident. If you've got a 31-1/2 inch waist and 30-1/2 inch inseam, you too can channel your inner rebel. (Estimated sale price range: $12,328 - $18,492)

On the market for something more sumptuous than sensible? Consider a bid on an "evening stole of black silk jersey, trimmed with white fox fur" reputed to be owned by Marilyn Monroe. The stole is accompanied by a photo of Marilyn wearing said item. (Estimated sale price range: $15,410 - $23,115)

---

Strapped for cash? Digitally autographed Hoff pix remain your best option.

By Liz Kelly  | December 1, 2008; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Holiday Guide  
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Comments

Hmm. I say Diddy buys the Marilyn stole and uses his Crayola-64-pack of "Betty for Men" to dye it for any occasion. (Feeling blue? No problem!)

As for James Dean's pants and "If you've got a 31-1/2 inch waist and 30-1/2 inch inseam," nope, not since I was about 12. Darn. So much for that 2009 Halloween costume idea. I'll have to go back to "Jack Black: Hot Pink."

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 1, 2008 11:16 AM | Report abuse

(Missed by Queen Liz)

3 corporate jets lasted used the by CEO's of certain companies. Vox Populi has decreed that these CEO's will never used them again (in public view!)

(I wonder if the Lindberg baby blanket is available? That would fetch a pretty penny!)

Posted by: elias_howe | December 1, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

Hey, if one of you is my Secret Santa, I would love the JLo dress as I am quite sure I couldn't get my derierre in Halle Berry's Versace pencil skirt.

Posted by: hodie | December 1, 2008 11:22 AM | Report abuse

Just forty more pounds to go and those James Dean jeans are mine. Do you think they will take layaway? I'll put down another $400 for each time I lose a pound.

Posted by: yellojkt | December 1, 2008 11:40 AM | Report abuse

Liz, check out Lot 176, the Playboy Bunny. I think we all now know your little secret.

Posted by: possum_pouch | December 1, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

Just need to take 3 inches off my waist and those James Dean pants are mine. I just might have to kick the running into high gear.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 1, 2008 11:47 AM | Report abuse

Even at $1200, Goodman's costume works out to less than a buck a yard for the fabric alone.

Posted by: byoolin1 | December 1, 2008 11:51 AM | Report abuse

Would the Fred Flinstone caveman suit actually worn by John Goodnam cost more or less?

Posted by: mdreader01 | December 1, 2008 11:59 AM | Report abuse

Eeh, I am holding out for the Cowboys' End Zone grass from Neiman Marcus.

I am seriously worried about all the maybes in the listing. Surely Christie's checked provenances?

Posted by: epjd | December 1, 2008 12:05 PM | Report abuse

Cowboy's End Zone grass, man that would have had a completely different meaning back when Michael Irvin and others were playing.

However I'm holding out for either the Stadium seats or a personalized brick for the new stadium.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 1, 2008 12:12 PM | Report abuse

I was hoping this would be a list of what to give celebrities for the holidays. But since even the Flintstones costumes would be a month's rent for me, and my 401k + $1 will get you a cup of coffee, here's what I'd get celebrities if I had just received a big government bailout:

Beyonce - A Star Trek: TNG jumpsuit to go with those glasses she's sporting in the photo over on the Morning Mix.
John Travolta - a lightly-used private jet last registered to General Motors.
Diddy - a dyed-to-match purse dog
Madonna - batting gloves and a fielder's mitt
A-Rod - batting gloves and a fielder's mitt
Bono - Gabon

Posted by: northgs | December 1, 2008 12:24 PM | Report abuse

I hate to admit this but my husband could fit the waist of those James Dean pants but sadly, JD musta been a teeny little man because they'd be highwaters on my husband.

Posted by: wadejg | December 1, 2008 12:38 PM | Report abuse

If I don't know the sizes of the women's clothing, how am I supposed to consider purchasing them?!

Posted by: MzFitz | December 1, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Bono - Gabon

ROTFL! Can he get the country formerly known as Chad as a bonus?

(Hope Bono speaks French!)

Posted by: elias_howe | December 1, 2008 12:45 PM | Report abuse

Elias, there was actually a buy one-get one special (Gambia and Senegal), but I thought he'd prefer Gabon - Senegambia is so 1987, the AIDS problem is worse in Gabon, and throw in President Bongo? Sold!

Posted by: northgs | December 1, 2008 1:03 PM | Report abuse

All in favour of diplomatic recognition of President Bongo of Bonogabon, say 'aye.'

But I can't imagine the people in the newly minted republic of Sierra LarryMullen are going to be too pleased. Look for an alliance with Edgibouti and increased tensions in the region over independence for Equitorial Clayton.

Posted by: byoolin1 | December 1, 2008 1:11 PM | Report abuse

northgs, since you're buying, how about a nice private island for Brangelina and family. They should need a new home about now and we could use a break.

Posted by: hodie | December 1, 2008 1:29 PM | Report abuse

LTL briefly unlurks to let you know I have tears rolling down my face ...

sigh of contentment...

For my celebrity gift I submit that we all pitch in and buy a saltine for the Olsens, Nicole Ritchie and Keira Knightly to share...

Posted by: LTL1 | December 1, 2008 1:37 PM | Report abuse

With a president with a name like Bongo, how could you go wrong?

BTW, does the Nation of Lizard have a Sec'y of State? Since Obama grabbed up the obvious choice (Bono was asked but declined), does that only leave us LiLo or Brangelia or the Olson twins?

And how come we cannot locate ourselves in the CIA World Book?

Posted by: elias_howe | December 1, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

With a president with a name like Bongo, how could you go wrong?-elias howe

*******************************************

Well it's all fun and games until a naked Matthew McConaughey shows up.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 1, 2008 1:41 PM | Report abuse

For all of you non-Lizards who think we just make sh*t up, El Hadj Omar BONGO Ondimba is the head of state of Gabon and French is the official language.

Posted by: elias_howe | December 1, 2008 1:46 PM | Report abuse

Sorry to be mean, but couldn't Chrisite's have hired an actual model to show off the mink stole of Marilyn's? Or at least had that employee put her hair up so it isn't draping all over the mink stole? Or found some employee with a little more glamour to give the stole a little mystery or romance?

It somehow lowers the exclusiveness for me - as well as the inherent value of a rare item - if the employees, the secretaries, the guy in the mail room, etc. all get a chance to try it on first.

Posted by: Amelia5 | December 1, 2008 2:02 PM | Report abuse

Hey Amelia5,


That guy in the mailroom also wants to look fabulous!

(if only for a little while.)

Posted by: elias_howe | December 1, 2008 2:17 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, you realize you are only increasing my crush on you. Darn I have to get back to Austin.

I think we have a Sec State. Glad Eric Holder didn't want to be AG of Lizard Island. Of course, his other job is now open -- outside counsel for the NFL. I'm available.

Why buy an island for the Pitt-Jolies. They will only stay there a week before moving on. There are plenty of nice islands for rent.

Posted by: epjd | December 1, 2008 2:25 PM | Report abuse

However, we did make up:

1. The Olsen Twins
2. LiLo
3. Britney
4. John Mayer
5. (Name your own free agent here)
6. Football players who "accidentally" shoot themselves

for our amusement.

(Dare I also say the ________ baby?)

Posted by: elias_howe | December 1, 2008 2:38 PM | Report abuse

You're making blush ep. I should mention I won't be around for awhile after mid-February, just in case you decide to make a trip to Austin.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 1, 2008 2:41 PM | Report abuse

See, I'm so flummoxed I can't even type.

Ahem, "You're making ME blush ep."

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 1, 2008 2:53 PM | Report abuse


For all of you non-Lizards who think we just make sh*t up, El Hadj Omar BONGO Ondimba is the head of state of Gabon and French is the official language.

Posted by: elias_howe | December 1, 2008 1:46 PM

---------------------------------------

With news like this, who needs to make up s*it?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3330057/Vicar-went-to-hospital-with-potato-stuck-in-bottom.html

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 1, 2008 2:59 PM | Report abuse

And how come we cannot locate ourselves in the CIA World Book?

Posted by: elias_howe | December 1, 2008 1:38 PM

-----------------------------------------
Lizard Island qualifies as an Undisclosed Location.

Oh, hello Mister Cheney.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 1, 2008 3:02 PM | Report abuse

With news like this, who needs to make up s*it?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3330057/Vicar-went-to-hospital-with-potato-stuck-in-bottom.html

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 1, 2008 2:59 PM

******************************************

I swear I will never understand the practices of the Anglican Church.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 1, 2008 3:03 PM | Report abuse

Good point, ep. Renting makes much more sense. I would hate to see what the landlords will insist on for a deposit for that brood. You know, what with all the blood that will have to be cleaned up after the knife fights.

Posted by: hodie | December 1, 2008 3:04 PM | Report abuse

I swear I will never understand the practices of the Anglican Church.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 1, 2008 3:03 PM

-------------------------------------------
The difference between Anglicans and Catholics is obvious. If the vicar had been a catholic priest, he would have arrived at the clinic with an altar boy lodged in his rectum.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 1, 2008 3:07 PM | Report abuse

(Just so you know, I was about to say something about Sas' going for the low-hanging fruit, but potato/patahto -- I decided to call the whole thing off.)

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 1, 2008 3:27 PM | Report abuse

From now on the vicar's nickname will be Spuds.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 1, 2008 3:29 PM | Report abuse

When wil they be selling the tighty whities Tom "crazy legs" Cruise wore in . . . whatever that movie was.

Sincerely yours,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | December 1, 2008 3:36 PM | Report abuse

When wil they be selling the tighty whities Tom "crazy legs" Cruise wore in . . . whatever that movie was.

Sincerely yours,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | December 1, 2008 3:36 PM

Just as soon as they unpack them, Mudge.

Posted by: northgs | December 1, 2008 3:43 PM | Report abuse

The CABAL of Lizard Island’s Fearless Leaders is as follows:
Lizard Island Tribal Chieftain Gaius Dorkus Maximus
Lizard Island Attorney General ep
Lizard Island Boat’s Water Emptier Bai Ling
Lizard Island Chief Adviser for Island Activities Curmudgeon
Lizard Island Chief of Meat Inspection petal (who will ensure that Lizard Island welcomes only prime beef)
Lizard Island Chief Minimus Equi Herder epony (who is also in charge of the stable lads)
Lizard Island Chief Priest OPEN
Lizard Island Chief of Security Bawlmer (who, in deep despair, realizes that the uniforms are navy, silver, and white with a large star on the hat)
Lizard Island Chief of Violent Applause LTL (who will be demanding a new monitor every day)
Lizard Island Dog Walker janet (who will supervise the antics of and snacking for Frankie, the dingleberry dog)
Lizard Island Direcktor of Signs and Misinformation B’more cat (who will confound the interlopers)
Lizard Island Doppelganger Detecktor jake e.poo (who is in charge of weeding out those trolls who would impersonate us or our friends and guests)
Lizard Island Film Commission Director hermespal (who will keep the bar well-stocked with whatever)
Lizard Island Film Office Casting Director Nosy Parker (who will put the office’s couch to good use)
Lizard Island Intra-island Bike Messenger Lizuarte Martins
Lizard Island Inventor of Useful and Other Stuff Elias Howe
Lizard Island Minister of Keeping Track of Emmy Nomination Refusals musicgeek (name withdrawn from consideration)
Lizard Island Mixed-drink Servers Daniel Craig and the Spanish soccer team
Lizard Island Official Torch-holding Speedo-wearer Beckham (who is the Island’s only CABAL-sanctioned Speedo wearer)
Lizard Island Party Chairperson Gaia Groovis Maximus
Lizard Island Poet Laureate Byoolin, by virtue of his cheeky little rhyme:Clearly someone took an ax/and gave the Bordens a bunch of whacks./Legally, though we dunno who did it/Since Lizzie Borden was acquitted.
Lizard Island Pouch Inspecktor possum (who will guard against unauthorized embiggening)
Lizard Island Renewable Energy Source Paris and her Manhattan Project dumb belles
Lizard Island Secretary of Defense Sasquatch (mostly due to his body odor; requires a Patriot battery to take down those pesky pap helios)
Lizard Island Secretary of State Byoolin (who has a knack for carming tempers and bringing Lizards together)
Lizard Island Tea Servers Hugh Jackman and Colin Firth (who will serve everyone tea and say things in their great accents)
Lizard Island Tiki Bar Bouncer Nick (who knows a pixie when he sees one)
Lizard Island Tiki Bar Tender methinks (who is the maker of the perfect mojito)

VTY,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | December 1, 2008 3:46 PM | Report abuse

Hey Mudge,
I don't qualify for the position of Island Priest but will run for the position of Witchdoctor and Headshrinker. I promise to wave the copays for all Lizard Island natives and my only request is for free drinks at the bar.

Posted by: hodie | December 1, 2008 4:01 PM | Report abuse

Hey Mudge,
I don't qualify for the position of Island Priest but will run for the position of Witchdoctor and Headshrinker. I promise to wave the copays for all Lizard Island natives and my only request is for free drinks at the bar.

Posted by: hodie | December 1, 2008 4:01 PM
=====================================

hodie,

that's good enough for me!

Welcome to the Lizard Island place of worship (no, not the Tiki Bar), Rev hodie.

Bless you, my child (and you didn't even have to sneeze!),

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | December 1, 2008 4:16 PM | Report abuse

I promise to wave the copays for all Lizard Island natives and my only request is for free drinks at the bar.

Posted by: hodie | December 1, 2008 4:01 PM

*******************************************

If only more doctors operated like this.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 1, 2008 4:33 PM | Report abuse

I'd prefer that any surgeon who operates on me to postpone imbibing until the surgery has been completed.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 1, 2008 4:38 PM | Report abuse

It's not just for me Sas. That's what I use for anesthesia! Also HIPPA does not apply on Lizard Island or else we couldn't snark on anyone. EP, you should check the legal on that.

Posted by: hodie | December 1, 2008 4:45 PM | Report abuse

Ok, this is an act of complete shameless promotion, but I would like to add that I honed my captioning comments here on the Island.

Just look and see who had one of the winning captions on John Kelley's blog last week:

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/commons/2008/11/celebrity_roast.html#comments

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 1, 2008 4:48 PM | Report abuse

Well, I was offered the Chief Priest job when RiverCityRoller (?) left town, but declined. (And after Sasquatch's comment about altar boys, I'm glad.)

Is the bar open? I need a drink (still trying to rid my mind of the Spuds story).

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 1, 2008 4:51 PM | Report abuse

Hey, Dorkus. Congrats on the winning caption. Our Poet Laureate-cum-Secretary of State byoolin better watch his back.

Speaking of, we'd better not let Hillary Clinton know that byoolin has a second title; might give her ideas.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 1, 2008 4:54 PM | Report abuse

Sorry to be arriving so late to today's party, but...


hodie:
I would hate to see what the landlords will insist on for a deposit for [the brangelina] brood. You know, what with all the blood that will have to be cleaned up after the knife fights.

Well, couldn't they just mop up that blood and put it in vials to wear around their necks? Problem solved, except for a few residual stains for the help to clean up.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 1, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

So now it's potatoes? Are gerbils totally '90s now?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 1, 2008 5:01 PM | Report abuse

Félicitations, Dorkus!

Um, isn't 7900rmc also a Lizard who used to have a different name? Mudge, maybe you can start compiling a list of old and new names since registration began for those (like you) who've changed their IDs. Some of us are easily confused.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 1, 2008 5:07 PM | Report abuse

Tell the good vicar Spuds he needs to put the potato in the front of his trousers...not the back. It will drive the parish spinsters mad with thwarted desire.

Hodie, please shrink my head. I am scared of Hillary, and think will probably end up working as Walmart "greeter" by March. Wherz the wine?

Posted by: possum_pouch | December 1, 2008 5:10 PM | Report abuse

Re: Liz's budget - where does she shop that sells Blu-ray players for $925+ Yikes,I hope that they come with pleats for that kind of dough

Re: Christie's employee - you people must have very high standards. She looks fine and dandy to me

Re: Vicar and potato - I hope that it was a St. Edward variety. Keep'n it in the faith

Posted by: TonyMostyn | December 1, 2008 5:19 PM | Report abuse

Did anyone else look at lot #176, the Playboy bunny costume that included a nametag with "Liz" on it? She is so totally busted.

Posted by: possum_pouch | December 1, 2008 5:22 PM | Report abuse


So now it's potatoes? Are gerbils totally '90s now?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 1, 2008
5:01 PM
----------------------------------------
Nosy, you'll have to ask Richard Gere. Admittedly, the gerbil story is apocryphal. Apparently, the story about the vicar and the potato is not.

Bangers and mash, anyone? How about a pint of Bishop's Tippel to wash it down?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 1, 2008 5:23 PM | Report abuse


Did anyone else look at lot #176, the Playboy bunny costume that included a nametag with "Liz" on it? She is so totally busted.

Posted by: possum_pouch | December 1, 2008 5:22 PM

--------------------------------------------
That's what Mister Liz tells me.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 1, 2008 5:24 PM | Report abuse

On Lizard Island
Signs will be in haiku form
Will that be okay?

Posted by: BMore_Cat_Lover1 | December 1, 2008 5:25 PM | Report abuse

Suggestion -

For anyone who had to change their name for purposes of signing-in under the new regime - please "sign" a few posts with your former name (see below) and I'll try to get a list going.

As ever,

Curmudgeon

Lizard Island, however, hasn't changed at all. Bring on the pool boys.

PS: Do you think the Vicar was using one of those red fingerling potatoes?

Posted by: bmschumacher | December 1, 2008 5:52 PM | Report abuse

Sas
Nosy, you'll have to ask Richard Gere. Admittedly, the gerbil story is apocryphal. Apparently, the story about the vicar and the potato is not.

I understand Larry Craig recommends Idaho potatoes.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 1, 2008 6:39 PM | Report abuse

Thank you, Nosy.

What does Larry Craig recommend in replacement keyboards?

I need one.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 1, 2008 6:41 PM | Report abuse

Sas
What does Larry Craig recommend in replacement keyboards?

He'd suggest you check the supply closet, I'd hazard.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 1, 2008 8:38 PM | Report abuse

Wasn't Lizard Island's Elias Howe working on a keyboard that's impervious to the spit-spray take?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 1, 2008 8:39 PM | Report abuse

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