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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 12/29/2008

How Webby is Michael Lohan?

By Liz Kelly

Screen capture from MichaelLohanOnline.com.

Would celebrities exist without a complement of hangers-on or would they, like the ephemeral dreams clad in leggings they are, simply evaporate from lack of adulation? I posit that the varied remoras which populate the ocean of celebrity as assistants, spouses, paparazzi and skeletal stylists may be just as important as the big fish to which they cling. Which is why today we will take a look at little fish Michael Lohan's latest project, a Web site.

There's no need for you to personally surf on over to Lohan's -- father of erstwhile Disney darling and questionably sapphic deejay aficionado Lindsay -- site yourself. Though it does have a certain DIY charm, the automatically launching soundtrack of Don Henley's "Dirty Laundry" is enough to make this site a no-no for workplace surfers. But, if you insist on having a peek, here is a link. You'll need it anyway if you plan to tune in tonight for Lohan's first "LIVE video blog/chat with you guys." You guys will apparently be talking about a topic near and dear to Lohan's heart: "How the media, press and public opinion affect those in the spotlight." (After taking part there, return here to comment on MY first reactionary thought to his first LIVE video blog/chat with you guys: Michael Lohan's talent for creating a spotlight in a black hole.)

Moving right along, it quickly becomes evident that Lohan has created this site as way to get out his messages without having to go through the pesky filter of the dread media. Or, more likely, because the New York Post was, like, so over posting his nasty-grams to Samantha Ronson that the former jailbird had no choice but to go solo. To that end, he's posted a few items already that purport to "set the record straight." Being a big fan of delusional, circular logic, I particularly admired this passage:

After reviewing some of the comments on this blog and even others, let me say that this website is NOT about Lindsay or Samantha. I have no intention of disclosing any information or feelings I may have about either one of them unless it is in defense of what they or one of their "mouthpieces" might say about me. If in fact, one of their "sources", so called "friends" or "spokespersons" have something to say about me, then I guess we will just have to open up discussion on them as well.

That post was filed in category "Lindsay Lohan."

Surrounding the meat (ie nasty-grams to LiLo and SamRo) are the usual self-promotional links to be found on this sort of site: A listing of Lohan's upcoming appearances (there are two) and a video player featuring Lohan's Diddy like video blog musings, in which Lohan says his site (again, MikeLohanonline.com) is not about discussing himself or his family.

There are also links to sites that Lohan likes -- one that features a posting about his new Web site (maybe he'll add Celebritology now?!?), another marketing site that doesn't seem to work and -- because he is a man of conscience, a site calling for the abolition of child slavery.

We'll be watching.

By Liz Kelly  | December 29, 2008; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  How Webby is..., Lindsay Lohan  
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Comments

Lohan writes, "There is a truce between Lindsay and I..." (Nosy Parker screams in agony)

Judging by this and assorted other grammatical and punctuation errors on his blog, I'd say he needs a proofreader as much as a truce. Owe, the illiteracy!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 29, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

Good one Mike! That bit about this website is NOT about Lindsay or Samantha nearly had me fooled.

Liz, you forgot to include Celebritologists in that list of remoras (great analogy by the way). You do truly have a symbiotic relationship with the celebrities. (as do all of the celebrity gossip reporters and journalists).

Posted by: hodie | December 29, 2008 11:45 AM | Report abuse

I'm sorry Michael Lohan. You can't launch a decent celebrity weblog without the following:

- Craft ideas with pipe cleaners and milk cartons

- Recipies for tofu

- Musings on pilates, yoga and Kabbala

- Holiday postcards, suitable for putting on the refridgerator.

If all you've got is dishy gossip, we can already get that from Perez Hilton.

Posted by: mdreader01 | December 29, 2008 11:59 AM | Report abuse

If "webby" means the same thing as "pathetic loser who capitalizes off his child's fame in a way that would make Michael Jackson's father proud," then the answer to your question is:

He is very webby.

Posted by: MStreet1 | December 29, 2008 12:09 PM | Report abuse

Maybe he decided to launch his own website in order to profit off his words, rather than letting the pesky media get all the cash?

Also, is he really a hanger-on, if he wants attentions for his own work, not as an extension of LiLo?

I am completely appalled that this jerk who sold his daughter to Disney then lived off her for years (and in a way still is) would put up an ad against child slavery. Try checking the mirror first, dude.

Posted by: epjd | December 29, 2008 12:13 PM | Report abuse

According to Wikipedia, the relationship between a remora and its host tends to be commensalism, where the host is neither significantly helped or harmed by the other organism. While it is pretty evident that Michael Lohan has indeed not significantly helped LiLo, I think it's fair to say that he has caused her a fair amount of harm. Therefore, I think a more apt description of him would be a wood tick.


Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 29, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Hey, wasn't somebody remarking this morning about how they miss luvlindsay? Maybe this is where he/she has decamped!

Posted by: 44west | December 29, 2008 12:37 PM | Report abuse

You neglect to mention that daddy dearest belatedly pruned 95% of his initial post's (scathing) comments.

You also do Lindsay a disservice by wisecracking about her questionable sapphistry. The girl's come about as far out of the closet as possible for any young starlet hoping to revive an acting career. It doesn't take a genius to connect the dots between a lunatic fundie father, a homophobic industry, and Lindsay's past self-destructive excesses. Sure, she may return to men in the future, but for now she's still got all those Maxim #1 attributes AND she's openly thriving in a relationship that's outlasted all those (real or PR-induced) boyfriends. For a 22 year old, that's pretty gutsy.

Posted by: pamplemousse1 | December 29, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

Sure, she may return to men in the future, but for now she's still got all those Maxim #1 attributes AND she's openly thriving in a relationship that's outlasted all those (real or PR-induced) boyfriends. For a 22 year old, that's pretty gutsy.

Posted by: pamplemousse1 | December 29, 2008 1:38 PM

Huh?

Posted by: jezebel3 | December 29, 2008 1:46 PM | Report abuse

For a 22 year old, that's pretty gutsy.

Posted by: pamplemousse1 | December 29, 2008 1:38 PM

J'adore les pamplemousses!

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 2:08 PM | Report abuse

Sas, ya gotta watch those citrus, though. I don't think Mae Clark's character was too thrilled when James Cagney's pamplemoussed her (in "Public Enemy").

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 29, 2008 2:24 PM | Report abuse

Pamplemousses = "Shoes".

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 2:28 PM | Report abuse

Sas
Pamplemousses = "Shoes".

Is that what you youngsters are calling them these days?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 29, 2008 2:30 PM | Report abuse

Sas
Pamplemousses = "Shoes".

Is that what you youngsters are calling them these days?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 29, 2008 2:30 PM

We call them Ta-Tas for Now.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 2:37 PM | Report abuse

We call them Ta-Tas for Now.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 2:37 PM

*******************************************

That was a long way to go for such a bad pun.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 29, 2008 2:45 PM | Report abuse

That was a long way to go for such a bad pun.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 29, 2008 2:45 PM

All the way to the Austin City Limits (tm).

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 2:47 PM | Report abuse

If Dorkus leaves the Texas state capital, would he be "Ex-Austin"?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 29, 2008 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Once an Austinite, always an Austinite. Why do you think Shiner is sold here?

Posted by: epjd | December 29, 2008 3:13 PM | Report abuse

A better question is, would he be suffering from "Ex-Austin"?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 29, 2008 3:13 PM | Report abuse

Shiner? Could you please explain for us outlanders?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 29, 2008 3:15 PM | Report abuse

Once an Austinite, always an Austinite. Why do you think Shiner is sold here?

Posted by: epjd | December 29, 2008 3:13 PM

Because Autinites don't like hops in their beer?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 3:15 PM | Report abuse

Shiner = Shiner Bock Beer.

Very dark, malty and sweet brew. Highly praised by beer drinkers who like their beer sweet and who don't like hops. An acquired taste for those who prefer pale ales. Snubbed by Sierra Nevada snobs. Reputed to be Lance Armstrong's favorite brew.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 3:18 PM | Report abuse

Austin is really more of a state of mind than any real geographic location, although location does help. ep, my only beef with Shiner is that most places charge way too much for it, except for Luckenbach.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 29, 2008 3:18 PM | Report abuse

I didn't know Shinerbock was from Austin! Learn something new everyday. We have huge supply of disposable Shinerbock coasters Mr Hodie and one of his buddies lifted from a bar in Texas when they were in San Antonio for military training many years ago. He has a sweat shirt with the logo too.

Posted by: hodie | December 29, 2008 3:25 PM | Report abuse

Hodie, here's the Wiki entry on Shiner:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoetzl_Brewery

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 3:29 PM | Report abuse

Oh, it is near San Antonio, explains it. Thanks for the info Sas. I don't care for it but Mr Hodie thinks it tastes like pretzels.

Posted by: hodie | December 29, 2008 3:54 PM | Report abuse

hodie, you should try Shiner Blond, it's pretty good as well.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 29, 2008 4:08 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, can you elaborate on the taste of Shiner Blonde?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 4:15 PM | Report abuse

The bock is good, but their other brews work well too. Made at the little brewery in Shiner, Texas. Now, if I could just get Salt Lick here, I might not be so homesick.

There are a few bars that serve Shiner in DC. But, you can buy it in the grocery store and enjoy it in private.

Posted by: epjd | December 29, 2008 4:17 PM | Report abuse

Hey ep, I know it's not the Salt Lick, but The County Line (which is only 3 miles from work) will ship food to you.

http://www.airribs.com/

Granted it's not as good as the Salt Lick, but arguably better than the stuff they serve out in MD.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 29, 2008 4:23 PM | Report abuse

EP may wish to take a short trip to Rockville to try O'Brien's. Good Texas-style 'cue.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 4:40 PM | Report abuse

Sas' the Blonde is lighter than the Bock but without necessarily tasting like a light beer. It's in the Bohemian pilsner tradition. I like it as an alternative to summer wheat beers.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 29, 2008 4:42 PM | Report abuse

County Line is good too. I so need a job so I can afford to get some shipped here.

Oh, topic, Mike Lohan is a sleeze.

Posted by: epjd | December 29, 2008 4:45 PM | Report abuse

EP, in what area of law do you want to practice? Have I asked this before?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 29, 2008 4:50 PM | Report abuse

Human rights law. Which is pretty broad. As you can see from my first comments about Pere Lohan, human trafficking is my main focus. I hope to also offer low cost representation to victims of domestic violence. Then, of course, there is my sports interests.

See why I can't find a job. Oh Dorkus, FYI, Salt Lick has mail order too. Now I have this huge craving for Salt Lick and Shiner.

Posted by: epjd | December 29, 2008 4:55 PM | Report abuse

Now I have this huge craving for Salt Lick and Shiner.

Posted by: epjd | December 29, 2008 4:55 PM

*******************************************

Sorry ep.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 29, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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