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Posted at 9:34 AM ET, 12/16/2008

Morning Mix: Madonna/Guy Divorce Settlement At Least $76 Million

By Nancy Kerr

Headlines: Madonna pays at least $76 million to get rid of ex-husband Guy Ritchie…Michelle Williams likely won't be working the awards circuit on behalf of Heath LedgerDesigners
offer ideas
for Obama's inauguration attire…Jack Black to do a stint on "The Office"...Anthony Pellicano sentenced to 15 years for iSpying on rich and famous…Dennis Quaid and hospital reach a
$750,000 settlement
over overdosing of his infant twins in November 2007... Daughter says Peter Falk ("Columbo") has Alzheimer's disease.

-- Guest Celebritologist Tanya Ballard

By Nancy Kerr  | December 16, 2008; 9:34 AM ET
 
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Comments

Madonna isn't actually "getting rid" of Mr. Ritchie. That might actually cost more. And there probably wouldn't be a press release.

Why does Sean Jean want to make the leader of the free world look like a waiter? Or an attendee at a 1980's prom?

And Tim Hamilton, I know it's the new millenium and all, but I think the vast majority of people would not like to see the President take the oath of office in a turtleneck.

Posted by: mdreader01 | December 16, 2008 10:37 AM | Report abuse

So sad for Peter Falk and family -

"as you wish...."

Posted by: LTL1 | December 16, 2008 10:39 AM | Report abuse

If there's an upside to Madonna's divorce settlement (I mean, other than the $76 million upside to Guy's bank account) it's that somewhere right now Heather Mills is apoplectic with jealous rage.


Peter Falk having Alzheimer's explains all those times he'd be on his way out the door and *then* he'd remember something, turn around and say, "Let me ask you just one more question..."

Posted by: byoolin1 | December 16, 2008 10:46 AM | Report abuse

Anyone else think it strange that a divorced Guy Ritchie is worth 76 mill while what happened to Dennis Quaid's kids is only $750k?

Posted by: kvs09 | December 16, 2008 11:00 AM | Report abuse

Good morning Lizards,

Since it appears to be a pretty slow news day, I thought I would share with you a dream I had last night...

I was taking some sort of tour of a movie studio with several members of my extended family. While there, I met Josh Brolin who was working on a film. My cousin took my picture with him. Then he asked me to go partying with him and another actor from the film. (Either I couldn't id the other actor, or I have forgotten since waking up.) So, then we run across like ten lanes of traffic - all of the cars were very fancy tricked out restorations or high end luxury cars - no regular fords or chevys. Amazingly, we made it across this street without getting hit. Then we went to a fancy club where we skipped to the front of the line. I woke up as we walked in the door.

OK, the reason that this is weird is that I had no idea who Josh Brolin was. I went to imdb this morning and the only movie that I have seen with him is Goonies...yet, in the dream, he looked like his current self. Also, what is the running through traffic about? And, I have never wanted to party like a rock star, ever, so why am I doing it in my dreams...

I look forward to your insightful commentary!

Posted by: VaLGaL | December 16, 2008 11:07 AM | Report abuse

VaLGaL, my probably-not-very-insightful commentary is that some dreams are just a mash-up of events and readings a person bhas had in the past day or two, so I wouldn't worry about it. After all, I just dreamed I was asked out on a date by Alec Baldwin (or was it a nightmare?). I'm sure this had only to do with the fact that I read the transcript of his online Post chat yesterday.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 16, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

has, not bhas

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 16, 2008 11:35 AM | Report abuse

The divorce is final? Cue Evita soundtrack:

EVA: "Oh, but it's sad when a love affair dies.
But when we were hot, we we hot.
I know you'll look back on the good times we shared."
CHE: "[Madonna} will not!"

------------

VaLGaL, lucky for you I own a Dream Dictionary.
* Family: A general upswing in all your interests
* Cousin: Freedom from worry will soon be yours
* Camera: You have insincere friends around you. Don't share confidences.
* Running: You are involved in a situation from which you'd like to escape.
* Traffic: If you were watching it, you are trying to solve a problem alone. If a traffic jam, you have obstacles that will take time and effort to overcome.
* Josh Brolin: You want to pretend you are First Lady for the day, redecorate the Executive Mansion, and call Barbra Striesand "Mom."

Just kidding about Josh Brolin. And this dictionary was printed in 1974. . . .

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 16, 2008 11:38 AM | Report abuse

Byoolin,
I think Heather will be apoplectic with rage this time but she'll simmer down soon and apply Guy's example to her next payday.

ValGal,
Maybe making it across the street, to the head of the line and what I can only guess is a great party, signifies an achievement. Do you have any big projects at work? apart from that, I got nothing on Josh Brolin being there. Except for the fact that I watched the Goonies this weekend.

Posted by: petalceleb | December 16, 2008 11:40 AM | Report abuse

Sadly, in Falk's case, life imitates art.

Posted by: hodie | December 16, 2008 11:41 AM | Report abuse

I thought the Pres wore tails for the inaugural ceremony. Why are all these designers wanting to put him in a boring suit?

ValGal, you probably caught a glimpse of a trailer for W and just don't remember it.

Poor Peter Falk. That would explain some of his bizarre behavior over the past few years.

Posted by: dablues1 | December 16, 2008 11:58 AM | Report abuse

Valgal, it could have been something you ate.

Posted by: hodie | December 16, 2008 11:58 AM | Report abuse

YAY for Jack Black being on the Office.

Posted by: wadejg | December 16, 2008 12:18 PM | Report abuse

Umm, why would anyone expect Michelle to do the awards circuit on behalf of Heath? They weren't married or even together at the time of his death. Of course, if we go by that criteria, the closest person to Heath at the time was apparently one of the Olsen twins and we seriously don't want that.

Posted by: epjd | December 16, 2008 12:32 PM | Report abuse

http://www.etonline.com/news/2008/11/67956

"Today Show" host Meredith Vieira tells all in her interview with More magazine - including why she refused to interview Paris Hilton!

Meredith talks about how she was approached to interview Paris after she was released from prison.

"I did not feel good about doing the interview. I just said, 'I don't think this is right, this is all about ratings,'" she said.

"There was this whole thing about whether we were going to give [Paris] a special, and all this minutiae and craziness."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 16, 2008 12:52 PM | Report abuse

ep
why would anyone expect Michelle to do the awards circuit on behalf of Heath?

The thinking might have been that she'd be representing their child, who's still too young to appear alone on-stage.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 16, 2008 12:56 PM | Report abuse

I look forward to your insightful commentary!

Posted by: VaLGaL | December 16, 2008 11:07 AM

You will be visited by 3 Spirits....

or

You need to get laid. Very, very, badly.

Posted by: jezebel3 | December 16, 2008 1:01 PM | Report abuse

$76 Million for enduring a marriage with Bizarro Slash? I guess it is possible to put a cost on a busted libido with a side of night terrors.

Posted by: MStreet1 | December 16, 2008 1:54 PM | Report abuse

dablues, tails are evening attire. Only. He might well wear tails for the balls, but the inauguration ceremony is at noon, so evening wear is out of the question.

Posted by: WDC2 | December 16, 2008 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Heck, I'd have divorced her for only $5M.

DLD

Posted by: DLDx | December 16, 2008 2:01 PM | Report abuse

WDC2,

Several designers are presenting a "day coat" option, which also features tails, with an ascot instead of a bow tie. I'm thinking, that's so two centuries ago.

Still, he's the President, not a mob boss, so I'm not sold on the dark shirt with dark tie combo which is another one of Sean Jean's "winning" looks.

Posted by: mdreader01 | December 16, 2008 2:14 PM | Report abuse

You forgot Celebritology!

"Internet Crackpot”

Jezebel 3 (gender undetermined but assigned “f”) has worked with Internet since 2000, taking on an ever-increasing prickly tone along the way. Her work at the Internet has included quips and quotes and efficiency tasks such as demeaning, debasing and BS’ing. However, because of her many alleged talents, it has also included clucking tongues, eye brow raising and finger wagging, heaping tons of tsk’ing on all parents and managing the process of keeping any other posters thoroughly pee’d off. Prior to working with the Internet, Jez worked as a brow-beater and all around meanie and thusly being fired from several marketing and retail companies, was a 51% owner of snide remarks, taught her sibling in disgusting ways and wouldn’t know her way around breasts much less breast-feeding issues. Jez is a solitary person who lives the concepts of the trampling upon other’s lives; opting not to raise her voice in the style of praise but only from the view of the basement window.

Jez’s only life has been OP since On Balance died.


Posted by: anonthistime | December 16, 2008 1:33 PM | Report abuse


You forgot Celebritology!


Posted by: Hereandthere | December 16, 2008 2:15 PM | Report abuse

The downside, of course, is that I probably would have had to marry her first.

Oh, well...


DLD

Posted by: DLDx | December 16, 2008 2:20 PM | Report abuse

Jezebel wrote ... "You need to get laid. Very, very, badly"

Depending on your interpretation of "badly", I could be your man.

Posted by: TonyMostyn | December 16, 2008 3:26 PM | Report abuse

Hey thanks every one for your thoughts!

Oh Nosy, I'll take Josh over Alec any day!

td - I like your interpretations - "general upswing" "freedom from worry" - I'll take it! I think you should add your Josh Brolin entry to your 1974 dream dictionary. And, um, why DO you have a "dream dictionary" anyway?

petal - no big achievments leap to mind, but maybe it will be a surprise for the new year...and I watched Goonies this weekend too, so maybe that has something to do with it, too. (Love that movie! Thanks One-Eyed Willie!)

dablues - yeah, I must have seen him somewhere, huh?

hodie - good point, but still weird, and if baked potatoes make me run through traffic with Josh Brolin, just think what effect pizza might have.

Thanks everyone - this was very entertaining!!

Posted by: VaLGaL | December 16, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

You need to get laid. Very, very, badly.

Posted by: jezebel3 | December 16, 2008 1:01 PM

---------------------------------------------------

And how does this vary from the circumstances of most of the population most of the time?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 16, 2008 3:52 PM | Report abuse

VaLGaL, I own a Dream Dictionary because I used to work at a bookstore many years ago and found this on the red-tag table for about three bucks.

It's very entertaining reading -- here's a partial listing for the word "snow":

-----
SNOW. This is a generally good omen, unless you ate the snow, in which case it portends a coming season of sadness. To dream of deep snow or a snowstorm signifies hard work but with an unexpected big success at the end; wet snow on trees, etc., is. . . .
-----

You get the idea. My colleagues and I would read it aloud during slow periods and amend the entry. "And if you dream of yellow snow. . . ."

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 16, 2008 4:19 PM | Report abuse

I prefer the understatment of the standard absentee acceptance speech, "Heath Ledger can't be with us tonight, therefore, I accept this _____ on his behalf."

You've got to know that all the producers are rooting for Heath to sweep every catagory for which he's nominated. Saves a ton of time.

Posted by: mdreader01 | December 16, 2008 4:24 PM | Report abuse

"$76 Million for enduring a marriage with Bizarro Slash? I guess it is possible to put a cost on a busted libido with a side of night terrors." --MStreet1

MStreet, I am so glad you brought back the memory of your brillant "Bizarro Slash" moniker for Madonna. Has that been added to our glossary?

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/celebritology/2008/11/morning_mix_no_brit_jt_reunion.html

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 16, 2008 4:58 PM | Report abuse

the closest person to Heath at the time was apparently one of the Olsen twins and we seriously don't want that.

Posted by: epjd | December 16, 2008 12:32 PM

*******************************************

But ep, that may well be the closest an Olsen twin comes to an acting award.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 16, 2008 6:21 PM | Report abuse

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