Morning Mix: Aniston Tops Pitt for Holiday Box Office

Apparently complaining about your ex and posing nude really does translate into box office success.

I think Katie Holmes is proving that jorts really are the triumph of optimism over experience.

Have we run out of "Heather Mills doesn't have a leg to stand on" jokes?

All I want to know is whether Amy Winehouse made sure the crack was part of a balanced breakfast.

And to be fair to Jay Mohr, I think if I was married to Nikki Cox I would take every opportunity to make sure everyone knew that.

Dorkus, there can never be enough Heather Mills jokes. She provides all the ammo. (In fact, I hear that she can drink like a fish; she's one of those people who has a hollow leg.) Heather "forced" the nanny? Was she holding a weapon, yelling, "You missed a spot, you spray-tan-cow. Get it right!"

Regarding Jennifer Aniston and the Photoshopping, I can see her now. "No, really, I am not that beautiful. Oh STOP you! Hee hee." Puh-leeze. Spare me.

I don't get why Jay didn't put her name last, ergo "Mohr Cox." Easier to say. "Cox Mohr" sounds like a location out of "Hound of the Baskervilles."

The more Lindsay Lohan talks (oh, how I do miss luvlinsey), the less chance she ever has of being A-list. Would we have heard Bette Davis' thoughts on her family if blogging were around back when? Actually, if it were Joan Crawford, we probably would have, so never mind, I just realized the weakness in my argument -- no wait, Joan had real talent! And an Oscar! I rest my case. Lindsay. Just. Shut. Up.

Crack, the breakfast of the soon to be dead.

Yes, Heather, you should totally take this one all the way to court. After all, the British justice system has previously been so kind to you.

The pics were photoshopped. The tie was added.

RIP Eartha Kitt. You were one tough dame.

“When Amy woke up the first thing she’d ask was, ‘Where’s my pipe?’"

After that, she called for her bowl and her fiddlers three.

Eartha Kitt was the best. I was trying to explain to my wife how great she was with Eddie Murphy in "Boomerang," and we found this clip on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqIsZ8lTqvc

Hilarious. RIP Eartha.

The knees on Katie Holmes's stirrup tights look a little threadbare. Perhaps she's been scrubbing floors the old fashioned way?
Time to invest in some LL Kneepad Leggings!

I agree td, Mohr-Cox is easier to say, I just didn't want to go down that route this early in the morning.

And I can't imagine it's very hard to convince Jennifer Anniston to do anything, after all she thinks John Mayer has a beautiful mind.

You know, Amy could be on to something, because some days a latte just won't do it.

And the Bronx Mowgli newborn pics went for....(drumroll please)..... FREE! Merry Christmas everyone. PSA to give to worthwhile charity a nice face-saving touch. Nice picture but why is Pete wearing Bronx's little newborn knit hat?

Katie, if you have to watch the ground, chances are your heels are a bit too high. Not a good choice anyway for the streets of New York unless you're working 42nd street. Wait a minute..

If Tom and Katie were so concerned about security, why are they always out displaying themselves for the paps? What good will separting themselves like the prez and vp do? By the way, love Suri's green nail polish. Only a 2yr old can get away with that.

R.I.P Eartha Kitt.

Bet ya Naomi's assistants thought they had it rough dodging phones. No no, Heather's assistant had to see her in the buff and apply a tan. I shudder to think of the process.

I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Amy topped off the crack with the mice from that video.

I guess Jay Mohr's recent weight gain required him to let out his name a bit in the middle.

Poop Diddy Dong, or whatever your name is this week, what are you thinking? You want to PAINT Waterford Crystal? Hey, are you related to Prince?

Tom and Katie are sleeping in different apartments for "security" reasons. That is a great spin. I guess the threats were phoned in from Tom's boyfriends.

And because we the Lohan family is not dysfunctional enough, we need some bastard half-siblings. Because a bastard dad and an uber-beyotch mother weren't cutting it.

The Time Square Ball may not be in economic trouble enough to warrent $1 M from P. Diddy Diddy Dummy, but the New York Subway System is.

And the subway really could use an "official vodka" even if it is made out of grapes (pppttt!) So I really think a sponsorship deal could be worked out.

Something tells me that Ciroc may already be the "official vodka of the GQ Photography Shop." Just ask Jennifer Aniston.

It's not the part about Prince Harry partying in the sunshine that I have trouble believing, it's the Prince Harry as sober flyboy for a year that has me scratching my head. Do you suppose the Royal Navy or Air Force or whatever branch he is in had much choice in the matter?

"Poop Diddy Dong"? hodie, that is HYSTERICAL! We should use that name from now on here!

>>>Tom and Katie are sleeping in different apartments for "security" reasons. That is a great spin. I guess the threats were phoned in from Tom's boyfriends.<<<

Okay, this made me hurl my Amy Winehouse brand cheerios.

Thank you, once again, for a reason to browse the Daily Mail site, where I found a number of photos of Daniel Craig in a swimsuit on the beach.

Thanks, Liz, for starting the last week of the year off on a FABULOUS note.

Suri looks like she is emitting a thetan-exploding death ray with her eyes in that pic. Seriously, she must be tired of cameras, and she is still just a baby.

"Poop Diddy Dong"? hodie, that is HYSTERICAL! We should use that name from now on here!

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 29, 2008 10:25 AM

I second! But how bout just "Poop Diddy"?

The Cruises are living apart for security reasons...hmmmm...well...at least it's one we haven't heard before & it isn't due to "exhaustion."

Eartha Kitt:

Best. Catwoman. Ever.

thanks td and kvs, I'm sure Poop Diddy Dong will continue give us plenty of opportunity in '09 to refine his moniker.

Eartha Kitt's version of Santa Baby still rocks and better than the Material girl's. RIP Eartha.

First there's this:

"Alex Haines tells how the singer smoked CRACK for BREAKFAST from pipes she made out of drinks bottles as she blew £3,500 a week on drugs in her darkest hours."

Then this:

"She was so desperate for every last bit she even frantically scraped the residue out with a SCREWDRIVER so it wouldn’t be wasted."

Then this:

"She liked vodka with 99p supermarket tropical juice."

Sounds like Ciroc could be the official vodka of Amy Winehouse's demise.

I dreamed last night that Brad Pitt left Angelina Jolie because he said he doesn't have what it takes to be a father to that many children in the long term.

How weird is that?!

I don't know what's more sickening, Amy Winehouse or someone who is willing to sleep with Amy Winehouse. And who's more in denial, Amy Winehouse or the guy who slept with her and claims that because she ate a plate of food that she's on the road to recovery and getting her curves back. Guess it didn't occur to him that maybe she just smoked pot and had the munchies.

I wonder if that assistant had to also polish that leg of Heather's, you know, to kinda match the tan she sprayed on her former boss...

Okaayy, Tom and Katie. Two separate households because of death threats? As if that would stop a really determined killer. If thats the story they want to feed us to explain what I hope is the obvious (Katie is getting away, HURRAY!)then continue to keep us in the "dark".

Liz, I love when you provide a link to the UK's Daily Mirror. I always read the stories on the right side banner- I especially love one of the headliners: "Ghost of Christmas Present: Madonna shows the strain on her pale and haggard face". They are not only snarky but just downright (and laughably) mean!

We'll know that Amy Winehouse is getting her act together when she endorses Budweiser as the Breakfast of Champions.

Does anyone think that Heather Mills would want a clothed spray-on tan? Did she have the prosthesis sprayed to match?

Yellowjacket, thank you for demonstrating that it is possible to write "bastard" and get it past the wordy dirt dictionary. I guess that Michael Lohan would respond "If you're gonna be a bastard, you might as well be legit."

I look forward to seeing a video of one of Prince Harry's training flights on "Destroyed in Seconds."

Poop Diddy? Diddly Poop? If Diddy's wants to paint Time Square purple for $1M, will he thrown in a free face paint for Dick Clark?

That picture of Geigh.....err-ummm...Jay Mohr on the link makes him appear as if he is already experiencing his hyphenated surname.

For your bookmarking pleasure:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/index.html

Agree with msame re the expression on little Suri's face. Maybe she's suffering from exhaustion?

Suri looks like she is emitting a thetan-exploding death ray with her eyes in that pic. Seriously, she must be tired of cameras, and she is still just a baby.

Posted by: msame | December 29, 2008 10:45 AM

Maybe it's that thetan exploding death ray that is making her fingernails green.

Do you think "living in seperate locations for security" is the new "we're renewing our vows"?

"Speed the Rehearsals as Actor Zips Into a Lead"
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/29/theater/29spee.html
Jeremy Piven to be replaced by Norbert Leo Butz (2005 Tony winner for the musical "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels").

Agree with msame re the expression on little Suri's face. Maybe she's suffering from exhaustion?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 29, 2008 2:16 PM

"Exhaustion"? Is that what they are calling it these days?

My point exactly, Jez.

"We Just Couldn't Look Away: The Viral Videos of '08"
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/artsandliving/style/2008/bestofweb/gallery.html

Sure beats working!

Rumored: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony Headed for a Split
http://www.zap2it.com/celebrities/news/zap-story-jlo-marcanthony-rumoredsplit,0,4487012.story

"Jennifer is planning to join Marc onstage for a surprise duet," says the unnamed friend of the couple. "They thought it would be a bittersweet farewell."

Ick and ick.