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Posted at 7:35 AM ET, 12/23/2008

Morning Mix: Brit's Dad Gets a Pay Raise

By Liz Kelly
Tuesday

Headlines: Jamie Spears gets a hefty raise for taking care of daughter Britney... Michael Jackson not sick and planning world tour, says rep; rents $100,000 a month L.A. home... Tom Cruise "distractingly bad" in "Valkyrie," says one reviewer... Scarlett Johannson's snotty tissue sells for $5,300... Screen Actors Guild delays strike vote... In the thanks-for-sharing file: Pete Wentz says he's tasted wife Ashlee Simpson's breast milk... Samantha Ronson recovering from brief hospital stay... David Spade helps Phoenix police stock up on rifles.

Pix: Madonna's band of gold... Paris Hilton's cartoonish look.

Crime Watch: Kirsten Dunst granted restraining order for alleged trespasser.

Rumor Mill: Guy Ritchie and Jemima Khan not dating, says rep... Oprah not planning move to D.C... Jennifer Lopez sent assistant on tour to monitor hubby Marc Anthony... Madonna's head turned by Brazilian male model?... Cameron Diaz and Paul Sculfor set to move in together?... Luke Wilson spotted at Texas "gentleman's" club.

By Liz Kelly  | December 23, 2008; 7:35 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Celebrity Excess: A Little Piven-spiration

Comments

You see I was going to defend Madge after she got a trouncing yesterday for being a pretty well preserved 50 year old.. but I took one look at her veiny hands in the photos above and was totally skeeved out...

That said I wish I was 1/2 as buff as she is (but no more than 1/2, that'd be too buff)...

LTL OUT!

Posted by: LTL1 | December 23, 2008 8:34 AM | Report abuse

The first thing I thought of when reading that Pete Wentz article was that early episode of Friends with Ross saying, "You've tasted it? Oh, YOU'VE tasted it."

And Pete Wentz is complaining about 10 pounds and still weighing less than 150? Somebody take away one of his man cards.


Well, at least Scarlet donated the tissue money to charity.


For the amount of work Jamie Spears has done to save his daughter's life, he is probably still being underpaid.


Is there anything wrong with Luke Wilson going to the Yellow Rose? Because really he could have chosen a much worse establishment to visit, something such as The Landing Strip or the Crazy Lady, which are two of Austin's less reputable gentlemen's clubs. Of course I only know this because of what others have told me, I would never visit those places.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 23, 2008 8:53 AM | Report abuse

Perhaps dr. hodie can weigh in on this question: Exactly what needs to occur for someone to be admitted to the hospital for "exhaustion"? I'm sure Samantha Ronson keeps odd hours as a DJ and all the jetting around and carrying suitcases can be tiring, but is she working harder than underpaid waitresses at Denny's, on their feet for 8-10 hour shifts, or how about policemen or firefighters or teachers or DOT workers. How come those folks never suffer from "exhaustion"?
I guess the only requirement for the "exhaustion" hospitalization is having the money to afford staying there...but even so, are medical procedures/medications required? Does the staff come in and check your temp & blood pressure?

Posted by: pras40 | December 23, 2008 9:21 AM | Report abuse

Oddly enough, that review of "Valkyrie" only makes me want to see it more. This may be because my friends and I are viewing the whole movie as a sort of prepackaged Mystery Science Theatre 3000- but honestly, isn't that how everyone sees this film (and more to the point, Tom Cruise) by now? (Sorry, Bryan Singer. If it helps, think of this as your "1941"- get it out of the way early and get back to success.)

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | December 23, 2008 9:34 AM | Report abuse

The general buzz on Tom Cruise's 'Valkyrie' performance is that it lacks the subtlety and gravitas of the late Werner Klemperer.

Posted by: yellojkt | December 23, 2008 9:35 AM | Report abuse

"And Pete Wentz is complaining about 10 pounds and still weighing less than 150? Somebody take away one of his man cards."

150 is pretty chubby when you're about as tall as a hobbit. A few more Boobuccinos and he's drifting into Danny Devito territory.

Posted by: MStreet1 | December 23, 2008 9:39 AM | Report abuse

Kirsten,
If I've told you once, I've left 937 messages on your answering machine: It's all a misunderstanding. Call me and we can hug this out. Don't pretend you can't get a hold of me; I know you have my phone number, e-mail address, license plate, mug shot photo, and blood type.

Posted by: yellojkt | December 23, 2008 9:42 AM | Report abuse

"Paris Hilton's cartoonish look" is redundant. Tom is "distractingly bad" as opposed to his usual "ordinarily bad"?

Even Marc Anthony must have gotten a clue when JLo sent a babysitter along. I'm still waiting for her to open that coffee shop, as long as the cream doesn't come from Simpson/Wentz...

Posted by: reddragon1 | December 23, 2008 9:58 AM | Report abuse

MStreet, Pete Wentz is only an inch shorter than myself, and I weigh a stone more than 150 and I'm not chubby. Are you saying I'm fat?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 23, 2008 10:03 AM | Report abuse

"Does this breast milk make me look fat? Or is it just my guyliner?"

Posted by: yellojkt | December 23, 2008 10:06 AM | Report abuse

The Cameron Diaz story has a link to a blurb-and-photos on Madonna's new reputed boytoy. Either Madge or one of her publicity people has excellent taste in boytoys...

Posted by: northgs | December 23, 2008 10:10 AM | Report abuse

The general buzz on Tom Cruise's 'Valkyrie' performance is that it lacks the subtlety and gravitas of the late Werner Klemperer.

Posted by: yellojkt | December 23, 2008 9:35 AM

And that, folks is your comment of the week.

Posted by: memphis1 | December 23, 2008 10:12 AM | Report abuse

And Pete Wentz is complaining about 10 pounds and still weighing less than 150? Somebody take away one of his man cards.

Whoa, Pete Wentz actually has a man card?

Posted by: jes11 | December 23, 2008 10:17 AM | Report abuse

The general buzz on Tom Cruise's 'Valkyrie' performance is that it lacks the subtlety and gravitas of the late Werner Klemperer.

Posted by: yellojkt | December 23, 2008 9:35 AM

And that, folks is your comment of the week.

Posted by: memphis1 | December 23, 2008 10:12 AM

Seconded!

(Now I have an image in my head of Col. Klink yelling "Xe-NUUUU!")

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | December 23, 2008 10:22 AM | Report abuse

The general buzz on Tom Cruise's 'Valkyrie' performance is that it lacks the subtlety and gravitas of the late Werner Klemperer.

Posted by: yellojkt | December 23, 2008 9:35 AM
===========
I must defend the great Werner Klemperer! He was an operatic baritone, a concert pianist and violinist and a noted Broadway performer.

After fleeing Nazi Germany (he was Jewish) he joined the Army. Later, he joined the Special Services unit and entertained troops throughout the Pacific.

He was a Nazi lawyer in "Judgement at Nurenburg" and played Adolph Eichmann in "Operation Eichmann."

No, by that bio, Mr. Cruise doesn't even come close, but that's no joke.

Posted by: mdreader01 | December 23, 2008 10:40 AM | Report abuse

**I miss being Bored@ Work**

Anyhoo...

The general buzz on Tom Cruise's 'Valkyrie' performance is that it lacks the subtlety and gravitas of the late Werner Klemperer.

Posted by: yellojkt | December 23, 2008 9:35 AM

HOOOOOGAAAAANNN!!**shakes fist**

Posted by: wadejg | December 23, 2008 10:42 AM | Report abuse

David Spade donates $100,000 to the Phoenix Police so they can buy AR-15 rifles. Maybe he should go shooting with Heidi and Spencer.

Posted by: buffysummers | December 23, 2008 10:43 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, the Yellow Rose is actually a high class strip club. Geez. Expose or Sugar's would be more shocking.

If people would stop lending Jacko money, there would be a lot less bad loans to write off. Seriously, the man is a notoriously bad risk money wise. Who lets him rent a place? You know he won't pay. Part of his childishness is that he expects everyone else to take care of him. Because he did Thriller, everyone should just WANT to give him things. Well, as the non-crazy sister said "What have you done for me lately?"

Posted by: epjd | December 23, 2008 10:49 AM | Report abuse

Comment of the Week? I dunno. The Werner quote is great ("Cullinell Hoh-GEHN?!"), but my money is on "A few more Boobuccinos and he's drifting into Danny Devito territory." Bravo, MStreet!

Dorkus, c'mon, it's OK to tell us. Where'd you get the cash to buy ScarJo's used Kleenex? Playing with chemicals must pay pretty well.

I read that "Valkyrie" review yesterday. Finally there are others who realize that Tom Cruise is a poor actor. I think the Academy should annually go back and review old Oscar nominations like Olympic medal performances and take them away when they realize their errors (I'm looking at you, Crazy Tom -- "Born on the Fourth of July" wasn't all that).

And which is worse, Luke Wilson going to a gentleman's club to get a lap dance or Owen Wilson going to a film studio to give the world "Marley & Me"? Discuss.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 23, 2008 10:50 AM | Report abuse

"Oprah not planning move to D.C." -- well, of course not. Clearly the plan is to move the White House and the Capitol building to Chicago. No wonder I've been hearing construction vehicles ever since the election. Grrl's been busy!

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 23, 2008 10:54 AM | Report abuse

Dorkus, you really paid $5300 for Scarjo's snotrag? Glad you're not hurting in this economy.

The Pete Wentz admission reminds me of an old Robin Williams stand up routine where he talks about marvels at his wife's visit from the mammary fairy, tries to take advantage but she slaps him away saying "No! They're for the baby!"

pras 40/methinks, there really is no such medical diagnosis as "exhaustion". Not even a ICD-9 or CPT diagnosis code for it. "Exhaustion" is a lay term that could mean anything. I'm betting in Sam Ronson's case it was for a mental health day of some sort. Maybe acute anxiety. You would be suprised how often people go to ERs just to get a day off with some manufactured symptom. Maybe she wanted to get away from Lilo.

Posted by: hodie | December 23, 2008 10:56 AM | Report abuse

Sounds like Cruise's Claus von Stauffenberg is indistinguishable from Lt. Daniel Kaffee, Lt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell, and Cadet Captain David Shawn.

Posted by: mdreader01 | December 23, 2008 10:56 AM | Report abuse

Thank, folks. Your are making me blush. I also enjoyed the Pete Wentz/Danny DeVito mash-up.

Posted by: yellojkt | December 23, 2008 11:07 AM | Report abuse

Hey, td, hodie, those ebay transactions are supposed to be anonymous. Just because I happened to have cashed a mutual fund and a CD or two recently, and just because my email inbox is filled with ebay alerts doesn't mean that I necessarily bought the kleenex. Even if the money was going to a worthy cause. Nope you can't prove it was me.


And ep, what if Luke Wilson was spotted going to the Landing Strip?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 23, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

"Sounds like Cruise's Claus von Stauffenberg is indistinguishable from Lt. Daniel Kaffee, Lt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell, and Cadet Captain David Shawn." --mdreader01

My head hurts that you went to the effort of looking up those names! You're right of course -- and indistinguishable from Ethan Hunt, Jerry McGuire, Joel Goodsen (is he related to Bill Toddman?), and Cole Trickle, no doubt as well.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 23, 2008 11:23 AM | Report abuse

If he went to the Landing Strip, planes weren't the only things taking off. Ba-dum. Thank you folks, I'll be here all week, even if Liz won't.

Valkyrie. Such happy holiday fare, aristocratic Germans trying to kill boorish Nazis. Just makes my cocoa all warm and fuzzy. Face it, that movie was gonna suck even if Wee Tom wasn't in it.

Posted by: epjd | December 23, 2008 11:29 AM | Report abuse

What is this, Skeevy Day?

Pete Wentz in general - skeevy. Talking about his wife's breast milk - super skeevy.

Wee Tom a.k.a. Bat Sh!t Crazy Tom Cruise - skeevy.

Madonna - ick! Mega skeeve!

Marc Anthony - greasy AND skeevy.

Can you tell I'm having a bit of an attitude problem today?

Posted by: jaybbub | December 23, 2008 12:06 PM | Report abuse

Hey, Jaybub, let's send some Christmas love to Patrick Swayze. That will cheer you up and help him.

Posted by: epjd | December 23, 2008 12:14 PM | Report abuse

"Sounds like Cruise's Claus von Stauffenberg is indistinguishable from Lt. Daniel Kaffee, Lt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell, and Cadet Captain David Shawn." --mdreader01

My head hurts that you went to the effort of looking up those names! You're right of course -- and indistinguishable from Ethan Hunt, Jerry McGuire, Joel Goodsen (is he related to Bill Toddman?), and Cole Trickle, no doubt as well.


Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 23, 2008 11:23 AM

I've said the same thing for years. He's played the same role in almost every movie.

Except Legend & Losin' It. The 2 movies that Cruise always leaves off his resume & one of them is all kinds of awesome because of Tim Curry & in spite of Cruise.

Posted by: wadejg | December 23, 2008 12:24 PM | Report abuse

You know you have reached the pinnacle of success when anyone cares if you were spotted at a gentleman's club, and you are also referred to as an "often-bloated funnyman."

Posted by: rashibama | December 23, 2008 12:28 PM | Report abuse

Something that has always puzzled me in a Carlinesque way:

What are your chances of meeting a gentleman at a "gentleman's" club? Are they any better than your chances of meeting a devout Shia woman?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 23, 2008 12:50 PM | Report abuse

So Pete Wentz says he has tasted Ashlee's breast milk. How do we know that he didn't lip synch?

If Ashlee had tasted more of Pete's cream, perhaps she would not be a mother.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 23, 2008 12:57 PM | Report abuse

Let me guess: The home that Michael Jackson is renting is next door to a day care facility.

Oh Lord, I'm sorry. I'm gonna move to New Guinea and live with the pygmies.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 23, 2008 1:01 PM | Report abuse

You're right, epjd! I knew one of my 'zards out there could help.

Christmas love and good wishes to The Swayze! We're all cheering you on, Patrick.

And sasquatchbigfoot, ugh. But, you know, funny. In an ugh sort of way.

Posted by: jaybbub | December 23, 2008 1:03 PM | Report abuse

And sasquatchbigfoot, ugh. But, you know, funny. In an ugh sort of way.

Posted by: jaybbub | December 23, 2008 1:03 PM

---------------------------------------------
It's a dirty job being a proponent of lowbrow humor, but someone's got to do it.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 23, 2008 1:08 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, dr. hodie, for the 'splanation of 'exhaustion'.
jaybub, I hope you get to feelin' more like your usual kinda cheery self.
As your Christmas gift, I'm donating a shout out to Swayze in your name.

Posted by: pras40 | December 23, 2008 1:20 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, you can't fool me. You paid $5300 for ScarJo's snot rag in the hopes of isolating some of her DNA and cloning her.

Let me know if you are successful.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 23, 2008 1:48 PM | Report abuse

sasquatch - I'm a huge fan of low brow humor! I may look like a middle-aged woman, but in truth I'm just a 14-year-old boy. There is truly nothing better than sophomoric, juvenile, scatalogical humor. Can I get an amen?

Posted by: jaybbub | December 23, 2008 1:57 PM | Report abuse


sasquatch - I'm a huge fan of low brow humor! I may look like a middle-aged woman, but in truth I'm just a 14-year-old boy. There is truly nothing better than sophomoric, juvenile, scatalogical humor. Can I get an amen?

Posted by: jaybbub | December 23, 2008 1:57 PM

-------------------------------------------
Funkin'-A!!!

Okay, jaybub, you want adolescent male low brow humor ? Last night, Ms Snatchquatch and I hit the grocery store after a workout at the gym. We passed the aisle holding greeting cards, gift wrap and party favors. I spied some Hannah Montana party plates (see here at http://www.parties4kids.com/birthdaypartysupplies/HMT002-HANNAHMONTANA.html).

I commented to Ms Snatchquatch that these plates would make a great "target practice" game at a party for young adolescent males.

Ms. Snatchquatch gave me the hairy eyeball and muttered, "You ain't right."

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 23, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

Oh thanks a bunch for that link, Sas. Now I need a giant economy-sized jug of brain-bleach, stat.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 23, 2008 2:41 PM | Report abuse

I heart that you call your beloved snatchquatch. THAT'S the kind of family values I'm talkin' about!

Posted by: jaybbub | December 23, 2008 3:34 PM | Report abuse

Ms. Snatchquatch says that she doesn't need a son, since she already had to deal with my inner 12 year-old.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 23, 2008 3:37 PM | Report abuse

Sas', I'm thinking your wife needs the Medal of Freedom for putting up with you for as long as she has. Or possibly a very strong drink.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 23, 2008 4:07 PM | Report abuse

Sas', I'm thinking your wife needs the Medal of Freedom for putting up with you for as long as she has. Or possibly a very strong drink.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | December 23, 2008 4:07 PM

---------------------------------------
She knew what she was signing up for.

How's that ScarJo snot rag cloning campaign coming?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 23, 2008 4:12 PM | Report abuse

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