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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 01/13/2009

Mickey Rourke Wrestles with Fashion (And Loses)

By Liz Kelly

Dear Mickey Rourke,

You may not know this, but yesterday I wrote a glowing blog post praising you in the finest tradition of dewy-eyed sycophants the world over. I can admit it. I was charmed by your soft-spoken machismo when I was just a girl in my formative years. I could blame you for all sorts of things -- you made rebellion and smoking cigarettes seem cool. (Well, I guess they were cool in the '80s.) But today I see I took the wrong approach. Clearly what you need is a little tough love.

In less than 24 hours you have managed to fail two basic celebrity tests. First, you've gone on record with your political views. And, sorry, but to call them "half-baked" would be an overstatement. Secondly, you've proven yourself incapable of dressing yourself:


You've been out of the spotlight for a while and may not know about the relatively new phenomenon of celebrity stylists. Stylists are an anemically-thin variety of celebrity hanger-on that actually performs a valuable public service: keeping people like you from appearing here. You don't care what we think. I know. That's part of your shtick. But, dude, matching your fake bake to your shoes is just asking for it.

So, get thee to a stylist soon. In the meantime, burn that shirt. Find a nice neutral and an understated belt to pair with that suit, lose the scarf (you know, that whole "take one thing off before leaving the house" rule), return the shoes to their proper position on your mantel and, for chrissakes, get your hand out of your pants.

Good on you for choosing flat-fronts, though.

By Liz Kelly  | January 13, 2009; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Fashion  
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Comments

Maybe Mickey is just getting in character for his next role, a 70's era Barcalounger.

Posted by: MStreet1 | January 13, 2009 11:16 AM | Report abuse

Snidely Whiplash! He's back from the cartoons~

Posted by: sandradbeachbum | January 13, 2009 11:23 AM | Report abuse

See that's what I was talkin' about. "One good turn does not a Comeback Kid make..."

Mustn't let our emotions rule the day.

Posted by: pras40 | January 13, 2009 11:29 AM | Report abuse

"Baz Luhrmann's 'Scarface,'" coming to you in 2010.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 13, 2009 11:37 AM | Report abuse

The orange color of the shoes are just to throw people off that he actually uses these shoes to look up women's skirts.

And Geez! get your hand out of your pants while you're at it!

Posted by: hodie | January 13, 2009 11:42 AM | Report abuse

Add a squirty flower and a red afro wig and you got an ensemble there.

Posted by: hodie | January 13, 2009 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Wasn't Tracy Morgan's character wearing those shoes in last week's episode of 30 Rock?

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 13, 2009 11:45 AM | Report abuse

Stylists can often help a celeb, but are imperfect. I gotta wonder if a competent one was advising Renée Zellweger on Sunday's trainwreck (I even wonder about Carolina Herrera, who was guilty of, I mean responsible for, the dress).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 11:46 AM | Report abuse

Mickey, you keep your name on people's lips with your acting chops, not like this. Also, there's no scratching in public. Wash those hands and keep 'em where we can see 'em.

At first look I thought those shoes were just shiny but they appear to be leopard print horrid. Still I can't seem to look away.

Posted by: petalceleb | January 13, 2009 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Almost Byoo -- Tracy's were gold. They matched his $100 bill shirt.

Posted by: Liz_Likes_Celebs_Not_Baseball | January 13, 2009 12:04 PM | Report abuse

Honestly, the shoes make the outfit. I love those shoes. Every time I look at them I laugh. This might become my new 'make 'em laugh' picture--guaranteed to make me smile.

Posted by: pras40 | January 13, 2009 12:09 PM | Report abuse

Hand down the pants! Must be Stacey Garfinkle's kid!

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 13, 2009 12:12 PM | Report abuse

When I saw him give the speech for his Golden Globe on Sunday, all I could think of was Al Bundy. Nice to see it transfers to photo as well as TV.

Posted by: Osteph | January 13, 2009 12:21 PM | Report abuse

I admit it, I admire someone who can just say "I don't care" and wear orange shoes.

I'm still wondering, though, what was up with the keychain or whatever it was he had going on at the Golden Globes? That chain going from his waist to his back pocket? Is he a janitor?

All that said, his acceptance speech was SO cool. He really clawed his way back and I admire that, even if he kinda scares me.

Posted by: Californian11 | January 13, 2009 12:22 PM | Report abuse

As Tony Shaloub once said, "Now that's a hell of a thing." I am impressed at how all the oranges match, but those shoes and the "Flying Nun" collar? Yeek.

Posted by: CentrevilleMom | January 13, 2009 12:22 PM | Report abuse

Wow, I agree about the hand-in-the-pants thing, but this is so over the top he is almost in Deion Sanders territory. If anyone could carry this off, it's Mickey.

Posted by: 44west | January 13, 2009 12:23 PM | Report abuse

Haha! Deion Sanders! Yes! Or, for baseball fans, Ozzie Guillen.

Posted by: pras40 | January 13, 2009 12:26 PM | Report abuse

I'm still wondering, though, what was up with the keychain or whatever it was he had going on at the Golden Globes? That chain going from his waist to his back pocket? Is he a janitor?

Posted by: Californian11 | January 13, 2009 12:22 PM

-------------------------------------------
It's for his Prince Albert. Gotta keep that worm in line.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 13, 2009 12:27 PM | Report abuse

It's like a convention of the badly dressed:

http://tinyurl.com/93yeol

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 13, 2009 12:28 PM | Report abuse

Wowza!

With the hand in his pants, I think he's giving a shout-out to his stylist at Pimps-R-Us. This shirt-pocket square-scarf-belt-shoe set also comes in hot pink, neon green, and shocking purple. And for you K Street guys, you can get the set with a tie rather than a scarf. Only $19.99 at a street vendor near you!

Posted by: Questioner4 | January 13, 2009 12:36 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, I think the problem is that Bai Ling's clavicle needed to be dressed more.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 12:38 PM | Report abuse

Mickey Rourke advises you to follow Dorkus' link and click through the pix until you get to Grace Jones.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 13, 2009 12:40 PM | Report abuse

Questioner4, you have no idea how much I am laughing at your K street reference. I know you were refering to lobbyists, but K street is also home to the OTHER kind of pimp controlled prostitution.

The hand in the pants just looks skeevy. I could live with the shoes. Even with the shirt. But the scarf has to go and the hands need to be kept OUTSIDE the pants, flat front or not.

Posted by: epjd | January 13, 2009 12:43 PM | Report abuse

Hey byoo, are you and our Charm City contingent gonna set up a side-bet on this weekend's Ravens-Steelers game?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 12:43 PM | Report abuse

Come on... it's Mickey Rourke. This is as normal as normal gets for him.

Posted by: kvs09 | January 13, 2009 12:46 PM | Report abuse

Those shoes are so shiny they look electric! Is there a battery pack in the heel?

Posted by: SweetieJ | January 13, 2009 12:54 PM | Report abuse

WOW, I MUST BE THE ONLY PERSON IN AMERICA FEELING THAT OUTFIT (MINUS THE SCARF). I DEFINITELY AGREE THAT THE HAND IN THE PANTS IS A NO NO! IF HE WOULD PULL THE PANTS UP WHERE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE I THINK HE LOOKS GOOD. EVERY OTHER MAN I'VE SEEN LOOKS THE SAME, DARK SUIT, WHITE OR PASTEL SHIRT, BORING!! MICKEY BOUGHT SOME COLOR TO THE NITE. HE DANCES TO HIS OWN TUNE AND I RESPECT THAT. DEFINITELY FEELING THE SHOES!! ORANGE IS MY COLOR........GO MICKEY, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!

Posted by: lsmith21 | January 13, 2009 1:07 PM | Report abuse

They say, "the shoes make the man" - I think.

Maybe they don't say that.

They should say it in Mickey's case.

Nah.

Never mind.

STY,

Curmudgeon

(Oh, and keep your Prince Albert in the can where it belongs, Mickey.)

Posted by: bmschumacher | January 13, 2009 1:08 PM | Report abuse

I don't think it's the shirt per-se (it's kinda pimpalicious, which fits Mickey Rourke). Actually, the more I look at this, the more I like the shirt.

It's everything else, including the matching pocket square (that's GOTTA go, if you were gonna do it, it should have been solid orange), hair that looks like it hasn't been washed this week and the stupid little soul patch.

Mickey - take a GOOD look at your old pictures. I know your face has changed radically, but back then, you knew how to groom. Good grooming isn't selling out to the man, and dressing funky isn't necessarily indicative of being individualistic. Get a single tic (maybe always wearing sparkly shoes) and tone down the rest.

Posted by: Chasmosaur1 | January 13, 2009 1:09 PM | Report abuse

If it's Mickey Mouse & his shoes, yes, they make the man (or the mouse as it were.)

In Rourke's case, the shoes make the outfit more laughable than it already is.

Posted by: pras40 | January 13, 2009 1:11 PM | Report abuse

So if you pull on that pocket square, do like a million of them come out tied to one another?

Posted by: hodie | January 13, 2009 1:15 PM | Report abuse

Mickey Rourke advises you to follow Dorkus' link and click through the pix until you get to Grace Jones.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 13, 2009 12:40 PM
-------------------------------------------

I half expect Richard Gere to try to adorn Grace Jones' hat with some Tibetan prayer flags.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 13, 2009 1:15 PM | Report abuse

Hey Nosy, I never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line, and I never bet on the Steelers. The Lovely Mrs. byoolin, you see, *hates* them.

On the other hand, I can't bet on the Ravens, either. The Kid, The Lovely Mrs. and I will be staying with friends in B-More this weekend - and going to the Inauguration on Tuesday! - but the Mrs. Friend feels about the Ravens as my wife does about the Steelers.

Me, I hate the stupid Fox robot graphic, NBC's NFL theme music, and everybody's pregame shows.

Luckily, Mrs. Friend's husband and I both like beer and don't care much one way or the other who wins. That ought to get us through the day. (Motto: "All You Need Is Beer and Apathy.")

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 13, 2009 1:19 PM | Report abuse

The Telegraph Celebrity Sightings photo spread has several good candidates for a caption contest. I like this one:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/celebritynews/2444335/Celebrity-sightings.html?image=13

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 13, 2009 1:19 PM | Report abuse

Oh for Pete's sake. You ladies have no idea what we men go through to find matching pocket squares. Mickey's hand is there is because he ripped off the bottom of the shirt for the square and doesn't want you to notice. Sheesh.

And what IS with Grace Jones? That screw loose on her head (I am referring, of course, to the hat she is wearing) is channeling Devo. Badly.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 13, 2009 1:21 PM | Report abuse

Once I saw this picture I thought I was ruined for Mickey Rourke for all time. Luckily I can still close my eyes and conjure up the mental image of a 'Diner' era Mickey Rourke (sigh).

Just proves, it's not over for a celeb until you can no longer picture them hot.

Posted by: jes11 | January 13, 2009 1:25 PM | Report abuse

I am back from lurking in the Virgin Islands for the holidays! I have one question

What is a Bai Ling and what are the recommended pest removal methods for getting rid of it?

Seriously who is she, what did she do to become someone who is photographed. I mean some of these little celebutants I realize are famous for famous sake and never actually did anything (Heincer anyone) but there was an initial thing that sparked it all. What is the Bai Ling Big Bang?

Posted by: LTL1 | January 13, 2009 1:33 PM | Report abuse

Oh yeah and Mickey consider taking a page from PETA, we'd rather you go naked...

Posted by: LTL1 | January 13, 2009 1:35 PM | Report abuse

What is the Bai Ling Big Bang?

Posted by: LTL1 | January 13, 2009 1:33 PM

********************
Her with whoever she can convince to come home with her. Obviously getting her clothes off is easy.

Posted by: epjd | January 13, 2009 1:36 PM | Report abuse

Oh Mickey what a pity you don't realise
your sherbet colored get-up is a torture for the eyes.

Oh Mickey you'd be pretty if you'd wash your hair...

It's guys like you, Mickey...

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 13, 2009 1:44 PM | Report abuse

Mr. Rourke,

C2PO would like you to return the wing tips. Without vomit or dog poo on them, if you'd please.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 13, 2009 1:48 PM | Report abuse

There is a slight Elvis Costello vibe going on here...he just needs to tone it down a little and shave his face, lay off the weed, and put Prince Albert in the closet, and he'll be fine. I'll bet Madonna will be hitting on him by next week.
I'm athinking Mickey might be a Ravens fan, like me.

Posted by: possum_pouch | January 13, 2009 2:27 PM | Report abuse

possum
I'm athinking Mickey might be a Ravens fan, like me.

I'd have thought he'd be a Raiders outlaw type.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 2:40 PM | Report abuse

Is that actually a suit? Or is it a sport coat and coordinating pants? Because if the latter, give the man points for managing to find anything to match that jacket.

A Bai Ling is, according to IMDB, a Chinese actress who seems to keep busy in second- and third-tier movies (and with small parts in Big Hollywood Productions). She's become popular with photographers because of a habit of wearing minimal and/or blindingly bad clothing on the red carpet. If you were to print out her section at Go Fug Yourself, it would run to 75 pages.

Posted by: northgs | January 13, 2009 3:20 PM | Report abuse

Clothes aside, seriously, I still maintain he is becoming the plastic Guy Fawkes mask from "V for Vendetta".

Check it out:
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm160078080/tt0434409

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 13, 2009 3:34 PM | Report abuse

Wow, sas, those Telegraph celeb sighting photos are eye-openers. What happened to Sting and Philip Seymour Hoffman? Are they hiding small children in that facial hair? Criminey!

And Madonna's hands! My God.

Kate Winslet looks utterly divine, as always.

Posted by: Californian11 | January 13, 2009 3:39 PM | Report abuse

northgs
If you were to print out her section at Go Fug Yourself, it would run to 75 pages.

Oh, the arboreity ‽

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 3:40 PM | Report abuse

There was so much going on there, I didn't see he was wearing flat fronts. Then again, I didn't want to look. Man, he's a mess.

Posted by: MILW | January 13, 2009 4:44 PM | Report abuse

I had never read GoFugYourself in depth. It is hilarious. The bit about JLo made me pee my pants.

Posted by: possum_pouch | January 13, 2009 4:45 PM | Report abuse

Not enough time (or inclination) to look at all of those pix but let me say....

Grace Jones....WTF??? Looks like a demented scarecrow. She actually has straw stuffed up her sleeves for goodness sakes.

Daniel Craig better go see Q. Looks like the Bond tanning bed also fried Roger Moore.

I don't know who half of the people are in these pictures!!

Posted by: hodie | January 13, 2009 4:53 PM | Report abuse

Do we have confirmation that Mickey returned the scarf that Steven Tyler lent him?

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 13, 2009 4:54 PM | Report abuse

Do we have confirmation that Mickey returned the scarf that Steven Tyler lent him?

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 13, 2009 4:54 PM

--------------------------------------------
No. And it's obvious that Mickey also kept Tyler's ugly stick.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 13, 2009 5:04 PM | Report abuse


Do we have confirmation that Mickey returned the scarf that Steven Tyler lent him?

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 13, 2009 4:54 PM

--------------------------------------------
No. And it's obvious that Mickey also kept Tyler's ugly stick.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 13, 2009 5:04 PM

Good ones!

Congratulations to all for avoiding the low-hanging fruit that is the Oompa-Loompa reference.

Posted by: hodie | January 13, 2009 5:14 PM | Report abuse

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