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Posted at 7:58 AM ET, 01/13/2009

Morning Mix: Gisele and Tom Engaged; Howie Mandel Hospitalized; Hasselhoff Parties

By Liz Kelly

Glenn Close gets down with her new Hollywood Walk of Fame star on Monday in Los Angeles. (Getty Images)
Tuesday

Headlines: Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen really engaged... Beyonce, Bono and Sting set to turn out for Barack Obama at Sunday event; Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher headlining D.C. high school volunteer event... Heath Ledger's parents say his Golden Globe will go to daughter Matilda... Mickey Rourke defends President Bush in new GQ article... Amy Winehouse's husband files for divorce... Mariska Hargitay hospitalized for partially collapsed lung... Howie Mandel hospitalized with irregular heartbeat... James Gandolfini headed to Broadway... Hilary Duff to play lawyer in upcoming NBC legal sitcom... Vanessa Hudgens auditions for "Twilight" sequel... Coolio thinks computers came from another planet... Jeremy Piven calls his "Speed the Plow" exit "humbling."

Pix: Victoria Beckham teeters on 5.5 inch heels... David Hasselhoff, dirty dancer.

Crime Watch: Jennifer Love Hewitt granted restraining order against alleged stalker... Victim in Roman Polanski case asks for dismissal.

Rumor Mill: Gwyneth Paltrow teaming up with personal trainer to launch chain of gyms?... Kate Hudson dating Australian pro golfer?... Fergie's mom jokes about pregnancy rumors.

Say What?
"Some people do a line of cocaine and start selling their TVs and their guitar and everything else. Other people do it, have a fun night and go about their business." -- Kid Rock, who should form some kind of advocacy group with Lily Allen.

By Liz Kelly  | January 13, 2009; 7:58 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Mickey Rourke Wrestles with Fashion (And Loses)

Comments

Gwyneth Paltrow teaming up with personal trainer to launch chain of gyms?...

Do gyms do well when the economy tanks?

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 13, 2009 8:52 AM | Report abuse

I find Kiefer Sutherland's Jack Bauer saving us all from certain destruction more believable than the notion that Hillary Duff could (a)get into law school, (b) graduate, and (c) pass the bar. And yes, I know it's just pretend..that's my point.

Posted by: pras40 | January 13, 2009 9:01 AM | Report abuse

"Beyonce, Bono and Sting set to turn out for Barack Obama at Sunday event" -- just tell me they're not going to sing a song from "Dreamgirls."

"Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher headlining D.C. high school volunteer event" -- and they can both fit into their old uniforms, too! We'll still be able to find them, though. She'll be the one with no lines in her forehead, and he'll be taking digital photos all over the place.

"Heath Ledger's parents say his Golden Globe will go to daughter Matilda" -- as opposed to where, the Peter Finch Home for Posthumous Awards?

"Hilary Duff to play lawyer in upcoming NBC legal sitcom" -- Lizzie McGuire, JD? Will she sing, too, a la "Cop Rock"? Oh, please?

"Victim in Roman Polanski case asks for dismissal" -- I thought the "victim" was going to be Roman, the way he's been whining about the whole thing. Don't do it, judge!

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 13, 2009 9:04 AM | Report abuse

On an unrelated to anything in the Mix note...while watching '24' last night, Kathy Griffin popped up in a 'Zaxby's' commercial. Zaxby's is a takeout chicken place. She was hawking boneless chicken wings. I was a little startled. She seemed a bit above a Zaxby's commercial.

Posted by: pras40 | January 13, 2009 9:06 AM | Report abuse

Jenn-Hew,
You call them "dozens of letters ... describing violent and sexual fantasies about Hewitt", I call them tender and erotic love poems sent to the love of my life. Tow-may-toe, toh-mah-toh.

If you're not going to appreciate them, can I at least have them back. Have your lawyers drop that pesky restraining order and we can meet at a Starbucks or someplace.

Posted by: yellojkt | January 13, 2009 9:19 AM | Report abuse

Mickey Rourke defends President Bush? Mickey must have hit the mat headfirst one too many times while making that movie.


Amy Winehouse didn't get a prenup, no, no, no.


Howie Mandel hospitalized - and America holds its breath as one of its best-loved stars enters the socialized health care system of its third-world neighbour, Canada.


Hilary Duff as a lawyer is about as believable as Howie Mandel as one of America's best-loved stars.


Coolio: "Look at Face Off with John Travolta. Nobody thought that s**t would happen, but it has." Even more amazing is that after "Face Off" Travolta was able to get financing for "Battlefield Earth."


Hey, it looks like Jeremy Piven learned the word "humble"!


Jennifer Love Hewitt granted restraining order against alleged stalker. Let's see if that does a better job of restraining things than does her bra.


Gwyneth Paltrow's gym will offer GOOP on every treadmill.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 13, 2009 9:21 AM | Report abuse

Is Gwyn's gym going to only serve her green gruel at the snack bar? Because it's hard to pump iron when you're vomiting.

Posted by: yellojkt | January 13, 2009 9:22 AM | Report abuse

Beyonce, U2, Sting, Sheryl Crow, yeah I get that, but Garth Brooks? Really?


AShton better look out, Demi could just be going to the high school to find a new man.


Mickey Rourke is "not politically educated" and thinks “Actors should shut up about politics, because they tend to be ill-informed finger-pointers...". Well, at least he has a better sense of irony than Alanis Morisette.

And a guy who dresses like him should not be complaining about the right to freedom of speech and expression.


Hilary Duff to star in 'Barely Legal', since when does NBC get it's show titles from Joe Francis.


According to Coolio the movie 'Independence Day' is going to occur. So does this mean I have to worry about us electing Bill Pullman as our president?


pras (methinks), just wait until My Life On The D-List comes back to see what happens behind the scenes of those commercials.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 13, 2009 9:23 AM | Report abuse

That second item sounds like one of those jokes. You know, "Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk in to a bar..."

Posted by: jaybbub | January 13, 2009 9:29 AM | Report abuse

"Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk in to a bar..."

...and the bartender asks, "Who's the prima donna?"

And Sting says, "This week, it's Bono's turn."

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 13, 2009 9:32 AM | Report abuse

Ok, this is too great, there is a link in the Daily Mail to an article about Wee Tom appearing on Jonathan Ross's comeback show, but Wee Tom is standing in front of a sign that has either the letter V or Y, but it makes it appear as though horns are coming out of his head.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 13, 2009 9:32 AM | Report abuse

It's not surprising that Amy Winehouse's husband would file for divorce. What is surprising is that he claims infidelity on the part of Winehouse. Who in their right mind would sleep with Amy Winehouse‽

Gary Busey is the only person that comes to mind.

Posted by: MStreet1 | January 13, 2009 9:33 AM | Report abuse

Sniped by byoolin. I am just not quick enough with the Enter key.

Posted by: yellojkt | January 13, 2009 9:38 AM | Report abuse

Ok, this is too great, there is a link in the Daily Mail to an article about Wee Tom appearing on Jonathan Ross's comeback show, but Wee Tom is standing in front of a sign that has either the letter V or Y, but it makes it appear as though horns are coming out of his head.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 13, 2009 9:32 AM
================================
Wasn't their a Vi@gra campaign based on that image?

Posted by: yellojkt | January 13, 2009 9:39 AM | Report abuse

Change that to "Wasn't there..."

Posted by: yellojkt | January 13, 2009 9:40 AM | Report abuse

Oh great, just what the legal profession needs to improve its image -- Hilary Duff. At least let her have actually taken the LSAT, applied to a bunch of schools, agonized over her acceptance, then stressed all through law school, instead of getting into Harvard because her boyfriend is going there then never having to go to a single class but passing summa cum laude.

Sorry. Can you tell how I hate how Hollywood depicts the law school process?


Get well soon Mariska.

Tuesday love to the Swayze.

Posted by: epjd | January 13, 2009 9:41 AM | Report abuse

To be fair ep, Elle Woods did have a 179 on her LSAT, and had a very convincing video resume.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 13, 2009 9:47 AM | Report abuse

Fergie pregnant? I thought in order to be pregnant you had to be a woman.

Posted by: nightfalls | January 13, 2009 10:00 AM | Report abuse

"Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk in to a bar..."

...and the bartender asks, "Why aren't your asses on stage?"

Beyonce says, "Because their bandmates aren't here yet."

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 13, 2009 10:02 AM | Report abuse

Coolio thinks computers come from another planet? I thought Coolio came from another planet. Sorry, my mistake.

Dorkus, I thought Bill Pullman gave the best inspirational kick their a$$ speech ever in Independence Day.

Glenn Close's girly push-ups are just not as impressive as Jack Palance's.

Posh uses her sons as balancing weights, necessary to walk with 5 1/2 inch stilletos.

Posted by: hodie | January 13, 2009 10:09 AM | Report abuse

ep, I totally know what you mean about hating how the law school process is portrayed. I feel the same way about med school portrayals or really just about all medical dramas (except House). Yes I know House is totally unrealistic, but I love his snark!

As Lizard Island SG, I must investigate how Marissa Hargitay incurred a collapsed lung. Was it spontaneous? Trauma? If only House were here. Next, I must investigate Howie's "irregular heartbeat". Stress induced? Drug induced? Underlying heart disorder? mmmm.. My guess is he had atrial fibrillation, but why, that is the question. Dr. House? If only I could break into my patient's homes and investigate thoroughly, wouldn't that be useful?!

Posted by: hodie | January 13, 2009 10:18 AM | Report abuse

Dr. hodie, did you see this article in yesterday's NY Times?
"Book Is Rallying Resistance to the Antivaccine Crusade"
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/13/health/13auti.html
Includes material on the Jenny McCarthy-Amanda Peet smackdown (so there really is a Celebritology angle!)


Victim in Roman Polanski case asks for dismissal

Honey, it's not all about you (difficult though it may be for you), it's about our entire society's best interests. That's why laws get passed to keep victims who file domestic abuse charges from subsequently reneging on them.


Fergie's mom: STFU.


Winehouse/Civil-Fielder divorce: Hope they have no-fault in England, cuz I'd sure hate to have to pick sides. Wonder if Brad's planning to keep things civil...


Get well wishes to Mariska, Howie and The Swayze.


"Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk in to a bar..."

Liz, you might use this instead of a photo-caption contest.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 10:21 AM | Report abuse

Wait, Hodie, you mean that all interns aren't sleeping with attendings, that high mortality rates are just "part of the learning process" and that breaking into song while treating patients is NOT normal?

On Lizard Island, if your decision to attend law school is because "my boyfriend broke up with me and I want revenge" you will be sent to intern at the Manhattan Project.

Oh and men everywhere curse Tom Brady's name because 1) he is marrying Gisele Bundchen and 2) he set the romantic proposal bar so high.

Posted by: epjd | January 13, 2009 10:22 AM | Report abuse

Dr. hodie, I read somewhere that Mariska's partially collapsed lung is pneumothorax. Would that mean it's more likely a result of trauma?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 10:23 AM | Report abuse

Believe me ep, I didn't need another reason to curse Tom Brady.


And hodie, I've heard that a lot of doctors say that Scrubs is one of the most realistic doctors shows on TV.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 13, 2009 10:33 AM | Report abuse

"Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk in to a bar..."

...and the bartender says, "Well, look who just walked in, Diana Ross X 3. Sorry guys, but I'm going with a cheaper act. Lucky for me, Kelly Rowland, Andy Summers, and Larry Mullen just formed a band."

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 13, 2009 10:34 AM | Report abuse

"Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk in to a bar..."

...and are immediately mauled, killed and eaten.

It was a grisly bar.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 13, 2009 10:38 AM | Report abuse

Dorkus Maximus is the motherlode of great comments this a.m.:

AShton better look out, Demi could just be going to the high school to find a new man.

And on Mickey Rourke,
"And a guy who dresses like him should not be complaining about the right to freedom of speech and expression."

What *was* up with his tux Sunday night?

"Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk in to a bar..."

And the bartender says:

1. "Sorry, we only serve people with last names here."

2. (Points at Sting)"Hey, didn't he used to be Sting? What happened to his hair?"

Posted by: memphis1 | January 13, 2009 10:41 AM | Report abuse

"Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk in to a bar..."

Beyonce says, "Who put that bar there?"
Sting says, "OW, I just banged my knee."
Bono, says, "U2"?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 13, 2009 10:44 AM | Report abuse

byoolin shoots, byoolin scores.

Posted by: memphis1 | January 13, 2009 10:44 AM | Report abuse

"Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk in to a bar..."

Bono: "Refresh my memory, Sting, what's your real first name?"
Sting: "Gordon. You're Paul, right?"
Bono: "Yeah."

They both turn to Beyonce.

Beyonce: "Beyonce IS my real name."

Bono and Sting collapse into laughter.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 13, 2009 10:51 AM | Report abuse

"According to a source, [Mariska Hartigay]has been on vacation and her injury did not occur on the set of her show."

Now we know who the young woman is bent over in that picture with the Hoff!

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 13, 2009 10:57 AM | Report abuse

(with apologies to the classic game show, "To Tell the Truth")


"Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk into a bar..."
The bartender says, "Telephone for Sasha Fierce."
Sting starts to rise, saying, "I am Sasha Fierce." Bono looks sheepish and says, "No I am Sasha Fierce."
Beyonce stares them both down, glares at the barkeep and states, "I AM....SASHA FIERCE."

Posted by: pras40 | January 13, 2009 11:00 AM | Report abuse

Even if I thought I could top that, I'd be afraid to. The only person who scares me more than Sasha Fierce is methinks.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 13, 2009 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Kate Hudson dating Australian pro golfer?... My first thought was, 'damn is Greg Norman done with Chris Evert already?'

C'mon, like anyone can think of another Australian golfer.

Posted by: jes11 | January 13, 2009 11:14 AM | Report abuse

Howie Mandel hospitalized with irregular heartbeat... An over-enthusiastic contestant on his newest game show must have given him a hearty handshake. Don't anxiety attacks sometimes present as heart palpitations?

Posted by: jes11 | January 13, 2009 11:19 AM | Report abuse

Pshaw, byoolin, I'm just tryin' to keep up...lamely I might add...but I'm tryin'.

Posted by: pras40 | January 13, 2009 11:30 AM | Report abuse

Thanks for the article Nosy. And FYI, pneumothorax is just the medical term for a collapsed lung. They can result from trauma, chronic lung disease, or sometimes are spontaneous without cause (usually tall, thin people).

jes, you are right, anxiety attacks can give palpatations which are just the perception of an irregular heartbeat (whether there is one or not). Can actually cause arrthymias (actual irregular heartbeat) as well.

Medical lesson over now. Back to the snark.

Bono, Sting and Beyonce walk into a bar...
bartender says " what is this? some kind of joke?"

Posted by: hodie | January 13, 2009 11:37 AM | Report abuse

You all are outstanding. I had no idea of the well "walks in to a bar" brilliance I would be tapping in to!!

I forgot to name-check The Swayze on Friday - although I know some of my fellow 'zards remembered - so I'm shouting it out today. Keep fighting, Patrick! I refuse to put you on my celebrity death pool list, no matter how much I want to win this year.

Posted by: jaybbub | January 13, 2009 11:56 AM | Report abuse

"Bono, Sting and Beyoncé walk into a bar..."

...and announce that they've been so inspired by Hillary Duff's new sitcom that they're going to form a law firm called Hewson Sumner and Knowles.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 12:08 PM | Report abuse

Computers come from outer space?

Sounds to me like Coolio has his head up his coola.

Bono, Sting and Beyoncé walk into a bar...

Just as they're about to place their order, the bartender gets a phone call.

BARTENDER [shouting]: Telephone call for Mike Easter. I'm looking for Mike Easter. Is Mike Easter here?

BONO: We brought you Beyonce's keister. It's much nicer.

BEYONCE: Tu gusta me coola?

STING: David Lynch thinks my butt is surreal.

[curtain]

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 13, 2009 12:24 PM | Report abuse

Better late than never: a shout-out to Neil Patrick Harris for his boffo turn on "Saturday Night Live." Loved the Save-Broadway sketch! But the real mark of what a pro NPH is was his ability to salvage even the lamer skits. He also saves HIMYM from its weaker moments as well.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 12:25 PM | Report abuse

Let's hope Sting finds his razor before the inauguration. I didn't even recognize him at the Golden Globes.

Posted by: Californian11 | January 13, 2009 12:28 PM | Report abuse

"Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk in to a bar..."

The bartender looks at Bono, points to a side door and says, "U2, in there." Bono heads for the door; Beyonce follows him, confused.

Barkeep turns to Sting and says, "That's it? I call 911 and get you? Man, there's never enough Police around when you need them."

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 13, 2009 12:30 PM | Report abuse

Well-played, td!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 12:39 PM | Report abuse

Beyonce, Bono, and Sting walk into a bar....

...the horse at the bar looks up and says "It's been done."


Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 13, 2009 12:42 PM | Report abuse

Jes, the PGA tour is lousy with Australians. I knew the moment I saw that bit that it would be the delectable Adam Scott, damn her. Those pics don't flatter him, he's way cuter than that.

Tom Brady. Sigh. Damn her too.

I'm surprised Howie isn't hospitalized for heart palpitations on a weekly basis. He's a mess of obsessive compulsive and germ-freak disorders. I know someone like that and I honestly don't know how they manage to function.

Nice one on the bar joke, td!

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 13, 2009 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, Nosy and sorcerers_cat, but I'm just trying to keep up with methinks. (I will be laughing about "Telephone for Sasha Fierce" all day long.)

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 13, 2009 12:50 PM | Report abuse

The Lizards have been drizzled with high-test primo snark dust this morning.

Good work.

You make the old Curmudgeon proud to be a Lizard. (I'll have what they're having, barkeep.)

VTY,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | January 13, 2009 1:00 PM | Report abuse

Nosy, I'm so bummed I missed NPH in SNL. I did catch him in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, however. Priceless performance.

Posted by: hodie | January 13, 2009 1:08 PM | Report abuse

Did anyone tell Glenn Close that they meant push-up bra?

While we're on that subject, Mariska Hargitay should consider herself lucky that she didn't inherit her mother's set of lungs. The collapse of a "lung" that size might register on the Richter Scale.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 13, 2009 1:08 PM | Report abuse

Jes, the PGA tour is lousy with Australians

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 13, 2009 12:44 PM

Just shows what I know of the PGA tour...


Posted by: jes11 | January 13, 2009 1:17 PM | Report abuse

AP: Will Power is stepping in for Helio Castroneves at Team Penske while the two-time Indianapolis 500 champion fights tax evasion charges in court.

Will Power? LOL!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 2:56 PM | Report abuse

Give that Hasselhoff a free hand, and he'll run it all over you.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 13, 2009 4:41 PM | Report abuse

Oh crap. Kate Hudson scored Adam Scott. I might as well just get myself to a nunnery.

Beyonce, Bono and Sting walk into a bar. They do shots. Last one standing gets Justin Timberlake for the weekend.

Posted by: possum_pouch | January 13, 2009 4:52 PM | Report abuse

possum
Last one standing gets Justin Timberlake for the weekend.

Do the other two get Andy Samberg and Bobby Monaghan?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 5:10 PM | Report abuse

Beyonce, Bono and Sting walk into a bar in Cincinnati. They do shots of Jim Beam with Little Kings chasers. Sting, only used to the finest Italian wines, turns as green as a Little Kings bottle and claims he is The Wizard of Oz. He promises the other two he will grant all their wishes if they bring him the pelt of Pete Rose.

Beyonce, Bono and Sting walk into a bar on Possum Island at Carneval. They start wining. Beyonce is served a Harvey Wallbanger by the creepy guy in dirty undershirt who hangs out by the hardware store.

Posted by: possum_pouch | January 13, 2009 5:16 PM | Report abuse

Anyone else catch Jen Chaney on NPR's "All Things Considered" ca. 5:45 PM EST (to be rolled over at 4:45 PST for Losties on the west coast)? She talks about books that Losties love.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 5:48 PM | Report abuse

Jen's 3 titles are "The Turn of the Screw," "Watership Down" and "Slaughterhouse 5."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 13, 2009 5:53 PM | Report abuse

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