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Posted at 7:59 AM ET, 01/ 6/2009

Morning Mix: Lindsay Lohan Denies Split from Samantha Ronson

By Liz Kelly

Simon Le Bon and Mickey Rourke attend the U.K. premiere of 'The Wrestler' in London, England. (Getty Images)
Tuesday

Headlines: Autopsy confirms Jett Travolta killed by seizure; John Travolta pilots plane bearing son's body back to the U.S... Celebrity Twitter accounts hacked (by v. funny hackers)... Tom Cruise says Scientology helped him overcome dyslexia... Richard Simmons attacks CNN anchor's foot... Patricia Arquette and Thomas Jane file for divorce... Gary Oldman marries for the fourth time... Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell welcome twin girls... Tim Allen and wife expecting first child... Oprah donates $365,000 to Atlanta school... Keira Knightley to play Zelda in F. Scott Fitzgerald biopic... Queen Latifah signs on for another year of Jenny Craig... Jessica Simpson recipe included in "Wives of Cowboys" cookbook... America Ferrera puts L.A. home on the market.

Pix: Jake Gyllenhaal mesmerized by Laker girl... Louis Vuitton launches barely safe for work Madonna ad campaign.

Crime Watch: Police say Paris Hilton's jewel theft might have been inside job... Roman Polanski says California court is biased.

Rumor Mill: Lindsay Lohan shoots down rumors of split from Samantha Ronson... Jennifer Love Hewitt breaks up with fiance... Rihanna and Chris Brown engaged?... With Madonna M.I.A., A-Rod parties with Donna Karan.

By Liz Kelly  | January 6, 2009; 7:59 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Comments

I'm not surprised that Patricia Arquette filed for divorce. I always thought the chances of her marriage lasting were Medium.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2009 8:36 AM | Report abuse

Keira Knightley to play Zelda in F. Scott Fitzgerald biopic

Interesting. Who would be a good Scott in the flick?

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 6, 2009 8:49 AM | Report abuse

Richard Simmons and Jake Gyllenhaal each loopy over a woman. Who knew?

Lindsay's punching one day, shooting rumors another day. Such violence.

Jessica's recipe is only in the book because no one else dating a Cowboy would consent to be part of a separate "No-Talent Reality-Show Blonde Arm Candy of Cowboys" cookbook, so the latter project was shelved.

Tom Cruise should've asked Scientology to help him with growing taller. Or developing acting talent -- perhaps he can find someone at that school Madonna's daughter Lourdes is attending.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 6, 2009 8:52 AM | Report abuse

I see that Jessica Simpson's recipes reflect her personality, her looks, and her talent. . .bland.

And a whole teaspoon of vanilla extract WITH two scoops of vanilla ice cream? Like sweets much J.Simp?

Love the Jake G. pic.

Posted by: jelo | January 6, 2009 8:57 AM | Report abuse

Clooney could be an interesting Hemingway in the Fitzgerald biopic.

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 6, 2009 8:58 AM | Report abuse

Is Thomas Jane deliberately trying to make a pouty face in that picture, or is that how he always looks?

Posted by: mat00 | January 6, 2009 9:02 AM | Report abuse

Oh, ick. More weight loss opportunities with that Richard Simmons story. I couldn't look at the video. The story alone is Not Safe For Anywhere Anytime.

Posted by: mat00 | January 6, 2009 9:04 AM | Report abuse

I think Mickey Rourke forgot to wipe the chocolate off his chin after lunch.

I challenge someone to come up with the best Madonna/bag caption for those Louis Vuitton photos. I got nothing.

Gary Oldman married again? You Sirius? (Hey, if byoolin can make a Patricia Arquette/Medium joke....)

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 6, 2009 9:09 AM | Report abuse

Jude Law kind of looks like F. Scott.

(See http://www.malaspina.com/jpg/fitzgeraldf.jpg and http://dyli.org/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/jude-law.jpg, f'r'instance.)

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2009 9:13 AM | Report abuse

mat00- you beat me to it. I thought Thomas Jane was attempting the Blue Steel made famous by Derek Zoolander.

Posted by: Osteph | January 6, 2009 9:16 AM | Report abuse

Is it sad that when I saw Keira Knightley was going to play Zelda my first thought was well who is going to play Link?


Tony Romo's life philosophy: "Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around!" Except for whenever he has the ball.


Wee Tom, there are lots of programs out there to overcome dyslexia, and most of them are cheaper than scientology.


The Richard Simmons video is good, but still not as good as when he got members of Congress doing jazzercise on the steps of the Capital.


Jerry O'Connell is feeling protective of his new daughters. Apparently he refuses to let them see any of his movies or tv shows.


I get that same look as Jake Gyllenhaal whenever I see the Texas Pom Girls at football games. By the way, Hook'Em!


I'm seriously starting to question A-Rod's taste in women.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 9:21 AM | Report abuse

I challenge someone to come up with the best Madonna/bag caption for those Louis Vuitton photos. I got nothing.

-------------------------------------

How about "In this provocative pose, Madonna reveals where Louis Vuitton gets the materials for his luggage."

Posted by: jelo | January 6, 2009 9:40 AM | Report abuse

I'm not surprised that Patricia Arquette filed for divorce. I always thought the chances of her marriage lasting were Medium.
Nice one Byoolin,
And it looks like J. Love's relationship didn't have a ghost of a chance of lasting either.

Posted by: Iowahoosier | January 6, 2009 9:40 AM | Report abuse

Osteph - that's it - it's an (unsuccessful) attempt at the Blue Steel! I knew I'd seen it somewhere before.

Posted by: mat00 | January 6, 2009 9:44 AM | Report abuse

Osteph, mat00, I guess the only question is whether Thomas Jane is an ambi-turner.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 9:49 AM | Report abuse

Jezebel13 asked who would make a good F Scott Fitzgerald.

I'd cast Tobey Maguire. Excellent actor, got the look:

Scott:
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1918802432/nm0001497

Tobey:
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1918802432/nm0001497

Posted by: molsonmich | January 6, 2009 9:52 AM | Report abuse

ah crap. i posted 2 pics of Tobey.

here's Scott:
http://images.encarta.msn.com/xrefmedia/sharemed/targets/images/pho/t011/T011863A.jsm

Posted by: molsonmich | January 6, 2009 9:53 AM | Report abuse

I like it, jelo! Nice job with Madonna's, er, luggage.

And is it bad that I want to know what word was crossed out in the hacked Britney Twitter account? Those fake posts are hilarious.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 6, 2009 9:57 AM | Report abuse

td, I'm not completely sure if this is correct, but as far as the crossed out word goes, this may explain it:

http://tinyurl.com/2qsu5j

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 10:02 AM | Report abuse

Do you think that Jett has landed at the station on Venus yet or is his Thetan still enroute?

Yours in L. Ron,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | January 6, 2009 10:06 AM | Report abuse

"Jake Gyllenhaal mesmerized by Laker girl..." Jake is thinking about Laker boys, he doesn't care about girls.

Posted by: alanford | January 6, 2009 10:11 AM | Report abuse

Who are Madonna's fans anyway? It can't be teens - b/c then Louis Vuitton wouldn't have chosen her. They want people to buy these products - so they must be targetting rich people who like their product. And so what rich people who like their product also like Madonna?

All of us who danced to her early albums lost interest 20 years ago or so - which leaves? I don't know anyone who cares about her new stuff or who pays to see her in a concert - no teens, no adults, no co-workers, no neighbors, etc. Is everyone a secret Madonna fan and they don't admit it?

Posted by: Amelia5 | January 6, 2009 10:12 AM | Report abuse

Maybe it's time to put Richard Simmons down, once they start nipping, it's hard to get them to stop.

Posted by: MStreet1 | January 6, 2009 10:13 AM | Report abuse

Why would Madonna model for Louis Vuitton in the first place? His vinyl does better in the shops than hers by a mile these days - you'd think she'd be jealous.

My only explanation for A-Rod leaving his hot, age-appropriate wife for Madonna, then cozying up to Donna Karan, is that he's been struck blind by an undisclosed illness. Which bodes well for the Yankees this year...

Posted by: northgs | January 6, 2009 10:21 AM | Report abuse

Is it sad that when I saw Keira Knightley was going to play Zelda my first thought was well who is going to play Link?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 9:21

Dorkus, I too am a dork because I had the exact same thought!

Ok so now we know the break-up rumors are true, Lilo is denying it. Any bets on how long until it is confirmed?

Tom says Scientology helped him overcome his dyslexia, but do they have a cure for his Cruisiness?

I wonder how many recipes of Jessica's include Cheesewiz as a main ingredient?

No way I can top jelo's caption for Madonna's Louis Vuitton ad. Good job.

Looking at Jake Gyllenhal's expression reminds me of Homor Simpson. "Mmmmmm, donuts..."

Posted by: hodie | January 6, 2009 10:24 AM | Report abuse

If we could arrange for Richard Simmons to have a shoe session with Amy Winehouse we could at least contain the ick factor in one place. Maybe we could get Mickey Rourke to shoot the video.

Lilo's denial seals her fate with Sam. Expect Anne Heche epiphany any day.

Madge and "provocative pose" don't belong in the same sentence, unless you mean she provokes hurling. It certainly isn't the first time she's flashed her louisvuitton all over the place.

Posted by: reddragon1 | January 6, 2009 10:28 AM | Report abuse

Dorkus! (Yikes. I'd say thanks but, er, um, wow....)

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 6, 2009 10:29 AM | Report abuse

Oh, you people are all over the Thomas Jane thing! Glad to know I'm not the only loser who LOVED "Zoolander".

Great about the dyslexia, Wee Tom, but they sure didn't help you any with the Batsh!t Crazy thing, did they?

I'm supposed to go to some mandatory school thing for one of my kids tomorrow night. Y'all know this means I'll miss The Swayze. Why has God turned against me?

Posted by: jaybbub | January 6, 2009 10:34 AM | Report abuse

I'm supposed to go to some mandatory school thing for one of my kids tomorrow night. Y'all know this means I'll miss The Swayze. Why has God turned against me?

Posted by: jaybbub | January 6, 2009 10:34 AM

Stay home and let the kid's other parent attend the school thingy.

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 6, 2009 10:41 AM | Report abuse

reddragon1 - what a coincidence - "louisvuitton" is also the crossed out word in Britney's twitter.

Posted by: mat00 | January 6, 2009 10:45 AM | Report abuse

honestly - who would believe rick sanchez was high on crack... isn't that wolf blitzer's job?

Posted by: quintiliusvarus | January 6, 2009 10:49 AM | Report abuse

"All of us who danced to her early albums lost interest 20 years ago or so - which leaves? I don't know anyone who cares about her new stuff or who pays to see her in a concert - no teens, no adults, no co-workers, no neighbors, etc. Is everyone a secret Madonna fan and they don't admit it?"

I like Madonna and fwiw, the evidence shows ....

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/12/29/AR2008122901490.html


What I find incomprehensible is that numbers two, three and four are; Celine Dion, the Eagles and Kenny Chesney. Just goes to show that there are a lot of people who should only be used for medical experiments.

Interesting that of all the wrinklies in this top ten list, only Tina Turner is referred to as a "veteran".

Posted by: TonyMostyn | January 6, 2009 11:01 AM | Report abuse

"Glad to know I'm not the only loser who LOVED "Zoolander"." - Posted by: jaybbub | January 6, 2009 10:34 AM

****

Hey, if I didn't already have the motto "Cogito, ergo perfututum" posted above my desk, I'd have had "Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot."

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2009 11:33 AM | Report abuse

I'm kind of surprised Gwynnie The Poo (thanks to the lizard who coined that appellation recently!) didn't want to follow in mom Blythe Danner's ballet-steps playing the doomed Zelda. Scott was such a rat, he'd have been enough to drive anyone crazy.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 11:40 AM | Report abuse

Who are Madonna's fans anyway? It can't be teens - b/c then Louis Vuitton wouldn't have chosen her. They want people to buy these products - so they must be targetting rich people who like their product. And so what rich people who like their product also like Madonna?

Posted by: Amelia5 | January 6, 2009 10:12 AM
=======

Drag queens.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 6, 2009 11:47 AM | Report abuse

In that green feather dress, Madonna looks like a scrawny Quetzal.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 6, 2009 11:49 AM | Report abuse

Re: that green feather dress, who knew that Oscar the Grouch was hiding fishnets and high heels in that garbage can?

Posted by: northgs | January 6, 2009 12:16 PM | Report abuse

I hope Louis isn't paying too much for the Madonna campaign. Sounds like it's a bomb already.

Madonna ought to fatten-up and go away.

Yours in snark,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | January 6, 2009 12:20 PM | Report abuse

Dolly Rose and Charlie Tulip? OoooK! I really don't know how I feel about those two names. Better than most. Elias has been working out the kinks of his baby naming machine. Where has Elias been lately anyway?

Posted by: hodie | January 6, 2009 12:39 PM | Report abuse

mdreader:

Good point, But are there THAT many drag queens? Enough to make Louis Vuitton want to market directly to them? Enough to fill concert stadiums and buy all those albums? Enough who care about her goofy children's books?

Are enough drag queens successful enough to afford Louis Vuitton?

Madonna's on-going celebrity and ability to make money is as confusing to me as the Rosie/Rosanne duo that I can't tell apart.

Who is a fan? Who cares if they exist?

Posted by: Amelia5 | January 6, 2009 12:39 PM | Report abuse

hodie
Dolly Rose and Charlie Tulip?

Would you have preferred Dolly Tulip and Charlie Rose?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 12:43 PM | Report abuse

Wow. Mickey Rourke's visage is the stuff of which nightmares are made.

SamRo and LiLo deny split ... anyone care to take bets as to what will follow? Tattoos, marriage ceremony, perhaps a baby? Or will they just go straight to the split?

Interesting that Jennifer Love Hewitt suddenly dropped a bunch of weight after claiming how much she loves her zaftig body ... and Queen Latifah has signed on again with Jenny Craig after being a sort of ad hoc spokesperson for real women.

Posted by: Californian11 | January 6, 2009 12:43 PM | Report abuse

Nosy
Would you have preferred Dolly Tulip and Charlie Rose?

Definitely not. I'm luke warm on the names. I just keep picturing cupcakes, and sheep. Also, Tulip seems an unfortunate choice. I like Dogwood blossoms but I'm not going to name my child for them. Hopefully they will go to the same school all of the other unfortunately named kids of stars go.

Californian, I saw an interview with Queen Lafifah once explaining(not that she has to) her decision to lose weight. It all had to do with health and the fact that she was looking at having to take medication for blood pressure and she was borderline diabetic. I applaud her choice. Obesity should never be considered normal.

Posted by: hodie | January 6, 2009 12:58 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, hodie. I didn't know that.

Posted by: Californian11 | January 6, 2009 1:07 PM | Report abuse

me
Dolly Tulip and Charlie Rose?

I was trying to make a joke at the expense of the PBS talk-show host. In retrospect, I failed. Back to the drawing boards...

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 1:24 PM | Report abuse

Dolly Rose is not so bad. But, Charlie Tulip is just cruel. If you had to go the flower route, why not Violet or Lily. Parents, when naming your children, remember, YOU are not the one who has to live with the name.

Fine, a seizure killed Jett Travolta, but was he getting treatment for his seizures?

Maddona is one of those mysteries of the universe we will never understand. Kinda like the statutes on Easter Island.

Jessica Simpson is NOT a Cowboy wife. And never will be if I have any say in the matter. As for Romo's philosophy about turning it around -- he never said in a positive direction. Or else he truly believes in helping others turn it around.

Hook 'Em Horns.

Posted by: epjd | January 6, 2009 1:31 PM | Report abuse

Maybe Charlie Sequoia or Charlie Redwood might've been better, given that Rebecca's from northern California.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 1:36 PM | Report abuse

Is it just me or does Mickey Rourke look like the guy fawkes mask in V for Vendetta?

Instapoll: A profile of Simon Baker (the "mentalist") in Parade this weekend described him as "ruggedly handsome". Now I think the guy is really attractive, but "rugged"? He's too pretty to be rugged. Or am I nuts?

Okay, I'll cop to the nuts part. But what about Simon Baker?

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 6, 2009 1:37 PM | Report abuse

Though Charlie Eucalyptus, not so much.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 1:38 PM | Report abuse

sorcerers_cat, you raise an important point here. We need a complimentary term for men whose looks are midway between rugged and pretty (which I happen to find an ideal meld). Suggestions, anyone?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 1:42 PM | Report abuse

Well Nosy, I'm officially useless as of now in trying to coin such a phrase as my brain has done one of those weird reidentification things on the word "rugged"--first I look and it seems misspelled, then I look and now I'm locked in on rugged, as in rug on the floor-ed. Ack. I once stared at the word "use" for twenty minutes convinced I had it spelled wrong. What is that? A synapse lapse?

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 6, 2009 1:52 PM | Report abuse

sorcerers_cat, I've also had the same experience after gazing at a word too long. Perhaps it only goes to show that the English spelling system is, to put it euphemistically, illogical.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Simon Baker is rugged because he has that weird scar on his face. Scars = rugged. They take away the pretty and make you look like you have lived a little.

Posted by: epjd | January 6, 2009 2:07 PM | Report abuse

Glad I'm not alone, Nosy. It's pretty alarming for a writer!

So, other than the BKD on Saturday, did I miss anything profound in the last ten days? Other than the most excellent appellation Gwynnie the Poo?

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 6, 2009 2:08 PM | Report abuse

He has a scar? Really? I must have missed that.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 6, 2009 2:10 PM | Report abuse

Maddona is one of those mysteries of the universe we will never understand. Kinda like the statutes on Easter Island.-ep

****************************************

So are you trying to tell us that Madonna was brought here by aliens‽

(Thank you Gene for informing me about the interrobang.)

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 2:11 PM | Report abuse

sorcerers_cat, I think English is long overdue for orthographic reform. I can't imagine what a nightmare it must be to try to learn it as a second language.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 2:12 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus
So are you trying to tell us that Madonna was brought here by aliens‽

Dorkus, are you trying to tell us that Madonna has converted to $cientology‽ I thought it was Wee Tom and the Travoltas who were brought here by aliens.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 2:14 PM | Report abuse

Jessica wanted to have an entree in the cookbook, but she couldn't decide whether to submit a recipe using tuna or chicken.

Posted by: WasatchTom | January 6, 2009 2:14 PM | Report abuse

ep
Scars = rugged

ep, are you saying Tina Fey is rugged‽ Or does this apply only for guys‽ (Yes, Dorkus, I read Gene today too, and suspect quite a few Lizards do).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 2:19 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, how do you make the interrobang?

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 6, 2009 2:23 PM | Report abuse

me
Dolly Tulip and Charlie Rose?

I was trying to make a joke at the expense of the PBS talk-show host. In retrospect, I failed. Back to the drawing boards...

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 1:24 PM

Nosy, you did not fail. I was slow on the pickup. (per usual)

A word between rugged and pretty? How about handsome? Too close to pretty?

ep, I saw reports on tv that Jett's seizure disorder was treated with medication and recently his regimen was changed because it was becoming increasingly more uncontrollable. He was on depakote but recently it was discontinued. They didn't say what they changed it to or if they were just giving a drug "holiday" which is something physicians occassionally recommend when a condition stops responding to a previously effective medication. But odd if they did not replace it with something else. Common during puberty for the disorder to worsen.

Posted by: hodie | January 6, 2009 2:25 PM | Report abuse

sorcerers_cat, I cheated and copied and pasted from Word, but in Word, it is ALT+8253. I still need to find the shortcut for unicode.

Nosy, I'm willing to bet there are some aliens out there that realize that scientology is just a kooky cult. That's why they have kaballah.

And, as someone who has been told he is ruggedly handsome, I would like to posit that scars on a female are endearing.

Also, Seal has scars, but I would still put him in the "pretty" category, but then again his scars are a cultural thing.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 2:31 PM | Report abuse

hodie
A word between rugged and pretty? How about handsome? Too close to pretty?

Capital notion, doc! Maybe we need a whole spectrum of such terms. Or we could just assign iconic stars' names to those qualities. As in, say, Simon Baker is a Paul (i.e., Newman, the perfect description for a man whose face is midway between pretty and rugged), or a Brad (too pretty for my tastes), or a Nick (way too many miles on it).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 2:34 PM | Report abuse

Thanks Dorkus, I just copied it from your post above and pasted it in and that worked too. ;-)

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 6, 2009 2:39 PM | Report abuse

or a Nick (way too many miles on it).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 2:34 PM

*******************************************

Nosy, is that Nick Nolte or Nick Cage?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 2:40 PM | Report abuse

I once stared at the word "use" for twenty minutes convinced I had it spelled wrong. What is that? A synapse lapse?

-------------------------------------

Not if you're from Pittsburgh and think it should be spelled y-o-u-s-e

Posted by: jes11 | January 6, 2009 2:46 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, Not sure if I ever thought of Seal as pretty. Not sure too many of us with the extra X chromosome will agree with you on that one. I find him attractive because I like his voice, he has a nice physique, he is a family man and nauseatingly devoted husband. If I didn't know who he was and ran into him in an alley and he didn't have a smile on his face, I definitely would not describe him as pretty. (But I do love Seal!) I'm sure you were just leading us, right?

Posted by: hodie | January 6, 2009 2:47 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, good catch. I was thinking of Nolte. Clearly we need to work on this idea more if it's gonna fly.

Jes, isn't "youse" from Brooklyn?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 2:49 PM | Report abuse

We could call someone a Joan or a Kenny if they've had too much facial plastic surgery, or a Pam if they've been embiggened to comic-book proportions. Anyone have other categories to offer?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 2:53 PM | Report abuse

How about Charlie Venus Flytrap?

The name Dolly is forever joined in my mind with "cloned sheep."

Posted by: memphis1 | January 6, 2009 2:55 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, how do you make the interrobang?

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 6, 2009 2:23 PM
______________________________

Introduce ? and ! to a bottle of Boones Farm. At least that's how it works in the Spears' household, er, trailerhold.

Posted by: MStreet1 | January 6, 2009 2:56 PM | Report abuse

Memphis, Venus Flytrap was the DJ played by Tim Reid on "WKRP in Cincinnati."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Also, Seal has scars, but I would still put him in the "pretty" category, but then again his scars are a cultural thing.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 2:31 PM

Actually Dorkus, the scars on Seal's face are a result of him having lupus which is now in remission. I would consider him "handsome" though- "pretty" on a guy means fem-looking like Halle Berry's ex-husband, Eric Benet.

Posted by: plamar1031 | January 6, 2009 3:01 PM | Report abuse

hodie, I only submitted Seal as being pretty because that's what I was told by my ex. Granted the only times she ever saw him was watching him sing on TV and such, so that could have been clouding her judgment.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 3:02 PM | Report abuse

sorcerers_cat, you raise an important point in your 1:37.

That point: what are you doing reading Parade magazine, fer cryin' out loud?

I don't think I could bear it if you were dutifully clippling the recipes for Things You Can Make With Velveeta or sending questions to "Star Parade" like 'Whatever became of that lovely young man on The Little Rascals? I think his name was Mickey Gubitosi.'

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2009 3:25 PM | Report abuse

Parade Magazine probably even recognizes "clippling" as a real word.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2009 3:28 PM | Report abuse

byoolin, you're SO arcane!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 3:37 PM | Report abuse

Parade Magazine probably even recognizes "clippling" as a real word.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2009 3:28 PM

*******************************************

Maybe you should Ask Marilyn.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 3:38 PM | Report abuse

In the Luis Vuitton ad, I can't tell whether the bad is made from snakeskin, cougar hide or vinyl. Considering the origin of the bag material, could be any or all of the three.

Now that Scientology has cured Tom Cruise of stuttering, will it enable him to come out of the closet?

"Clipping" is a gerund. As in, "The Ravens were penalized 15 yeards for clipping the Steelers' defensive tackle on the play."

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 6, 2009 3:44 PM | Report abuse

Maybe you should Ask Marilyn.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 6, 2009 3:38 PM

*****

Ask Marilyn?!?!? I'll ask Marilyn to shut the &$^#@$^T%%$ up. I hate her the most. I'd rather Ask Jessica Simpson.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2009 3:46 PM | Report abuse

Byoolin, you need to look into Jessica's EYES when you're asking her questions.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 6, 2009 3:51 PM | Report abuse

byoolin, you're killing me! My favorite Parade questions are more along the lines of:

Q. I loved that girl who played the wife on "Mad For You" back in the 90s. I think her name was Ellen something. Is that show available for purchase? And has she done anything since? --Betty Smith, Toledo, Ohio

A. Betty, I believe you're thinking of Helen Hunt, you internet-deprived cow. She's been acting since she was a kid (she portrayed Murray's daughter on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" way back before that Betamax tape player you're still using was invented). A few years back, Helen won an Oscar for her work in "As Good As It Gets" with Jack Nicholson.

As for the DVD of "Mad ABOUT You," I'm not going to answer your question. SO THERE. Get your lazy butt out of that Barcalounger and drive your AMC Gremlin to a Best Buy and trade in your Tandy Computer for a Pentium and a free AOL subscription CD. That way you can answer these questions yourself by going online and I can get myself a better job than having to sit here and answering questions like yours. Sheesh.

--------------
As for rugged/handsome, I think the word you're looking for is "dashing."

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 6, 2009 3:51 PM | Report abuse

Is Gary Oldman gunning for Mickey Rooney's record? Or will he be content with a final marital tally at the Larry King level?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 6, 2009 3:55 PM | Report abuse

I believe Helen Hunt's most recent role was in a Lifetime movie, "Betty Smith, Internet-Deprived Shut-In."

Mickey Gubitosi played the guy who shot her and got away with it.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2009 3:58 PM | Report abuse

Byoolin, are you sure that Helen Hunt's most recent role was not as Marilyn vos Idiot Savant?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 6, 2009 4:01 PM | Report abuse

"Clipping" is a gerund. As in, "The Ravens were penalized 15 yeards for clipping the Steelers' defensive tackle on the play."

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 6, 2009 3:44 PM

Now I don't have my Strunk & White handy, but doesn't a gerund have to be at the beginning of a sentence to be a gerund?

Posted by: jelo | January 6, 2009 4:04 PM | Report abuse

So Richard Simmons is a Toe Jam Jimmy? Wouldn't he rather be noshing a Jimmy Choo on Tom Cruise's foot?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 6, 2009 4:04 PM | Report abuse

Jelo, from my reading, it appears that a gerund may be either a subject or the object of a verb or preposition. Gerunds are closely related to the present participle, active voice.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 6, 2009 4:11 PM | Report abuse

I'm pretty sure Jessica has had one of her Cheese Wiz recipes in Parade. Was it the chicken/brocoli rice casserole or the Tex-Mex enchilada casserole or the really Cheesy Ham/Potato casserole? Oh, I know. It was the Cheesy Tuna Noodle casserole and did you know that Chicken of the Sea is not chicken?

Posted by: hodie | January 6, 2009 4:17 PM | Report abuse

It was the Cheesy Tuna Noodle casserole and did you know that Chicken of the Sea is not chicken?

Posted by: hodie | January 6, 2009 4:17 PM

-------------------------------------------
Damn, Dr. Hodie! Next thing I know, you'll be telling me that camel toe is not camel.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 6, 2009 4:37 PM | Report abuse

Sas, headcheese ísn't cheese, and sweetbreads aren't bread either.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 6, 2009 4:47 PM | Report abuse

My world turned upside down! At least I can rest assured about brain salad surgery. ;-)

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 6, 2009 4:53 PM | Report abuse

But scrapple is made of scraps right?

Ah, the next J.Simp recipe. . Scrapple Casserole with Romo Sauce.

Posted by: jelo | January 6, 2009 5:50 PM | Report abuse

The leading "s" in scrapple is superfluous.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 6, 2009 6:00 PM | Report abuse

Ack! I'm probably too late for byoolin to see this, but here goes:

My dear fellow, I do not "read" Parade, I skim it with the same amount of concentration that goes into glancing over "Star" "People" and "Us" magazine covers at the checkout counter. I do work in the entertainment industry, and some things must be borne to stay up to date on who's doing what. Parade skimming is the cotton candy blech part of my Sunday morning Los Angeles Times cover-to-cover ritual (I so miss the Washington Post...ah, Sundays in Georgetown with the Post and french toast...). So yeah, I admit, I read the Simon Baker piece--he is, after all, the star of the hottest show on television.

Am I excused now, sir?

Hello...my building is shaking. Just a baby one, though...yeah, we're good.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 6, 2009 7:32 PM | Report abuse

Sorcerers_cat, I apologize wholeheartedly for any upset I may have caused. I certainly did not mean to imply that you *do* read Parade; I was concerned that you *might* read it regularly and worried about the attendant ill effects. And of course, it became clear from the comments that followed, several of us skim (to use your word) that publication ("some things must be borne," etc.) as you do.

Also, I apologize for the earthquake. I'm pretty sure I had nothing to do with that, but sometimes my awesome powers are a mystery even to me.

Now, back to that Lifetime movie. I think this is Kim Zolciak's big scene coming up!

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2009 9:48 PM | Report abuse

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