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Posted at 8:07 AM ET, 01/14/2009

Morning Mix: Paris Hilton's Web Site Will Infect You. Or Your Computer.

By Liz Kelly
Wednesday

Headlines: Paris Hilton's Web site infects visitors... Hospitalized Patrick Swayze "upbeat," says mom... Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers added to Kids' Inaugural event... Lil' Kim not happy with "Notorious" portrayal... Daniel Craig says he's not much of a gun aficionado... Britney Spears takes sons to tour new $8 million dollar home; runs into Justin Timberlake at L.A. eatery... New Chris Rock book due in 2010... Ray Romano and Scott Bakula returning to TV in new "midlife crisis drama"... Oprah says she was rejected for "Doubt" role... Coming soon to a theater near you (again): "Smoky and the Bandit" update; Jackie Chan in a "Karate Kid" reboot... Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner name second daughter "Seraphina."

Pix: Fergie and Josh Duhamel's kitschy commemorative wedding art.

Video: Oprah and Kate Winslet praise "real" breasts...

Rumor Mill: Paris Hilton kicked out of Golden Globes after party... Brangelina climb through shrubs at another post-Globes bash... Hotel cuts Amy Winehouse off from booze supply... Kate Hudson not dating pro golfer, says rep... Simon Cowell ready to leave "Idol"?... Anne Heche expecting another boy?... Michael Cera still not signed for "Arrested Development" movie... Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz on the outs?

Say What?
"Everything is funny to me. Everything. My mother's diabetic and four years ago she had her leg amputated. It was a big deal in the family and I could only make jokes. My mother thought it was just fantastic. She loved the energy." -- Will Smith

---

"Lost" Countdown: With just a week until the return of my favorite show to overanalyze, a few choice reads:

-- Matthew Fox, who is ready to move on professionally, says he's glad the show will end in 2010.

-- Post.com's Jen Chaney talked about three books every "Lost" fan should read (or re-read) yesterday on NPR.

-- Speaking of books, our "Lost" Book Club will talk about Stephen King's "On Writing" Friday at 2 p.m. ET.

By Liz Kelly  | January 14, 2009; 8:07 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Friday Wednesday List: Your Advice for Celebrity Inaugural Revelers

Comments

After reviewing photos of Kate Hudson's ex-husband, I guess we can't blame the girl for enjoying herself. But WHY isn't she dating Adam Scott? What's wrong with her?! I'm assuming "not dating" is an euphemism (sp?)for "hooking up."

Posted by: possum_pouch | January 14, 2009 8:45 AM | Report abuse

"Paris Hilton's Web site infects visitors." It's a perfect metaphor, isn't it?


It's "SmokEy," Liz Kelly. With an E. I imagine the remake will be two hours of Burt Reynolds driving a Trans Am at 35mph in the fast lane while Jackie Gleason's replacement chases him in a police car that has one of its turn signals blinking all the while.


“We keep catching [Amy Winehouse] crawling past bars, or hiding behind chairs. She grabs guests’ drinks and runs off, like a squirrel with a nut.” It's a nice change of pace that for once she's not the nut in the simile, isn't it?


"Kate Hudson not dating pro golfer, says rep..." She's just polishing his putter. Helping with his short game. Holding the flagpole. Teeing his balls. Working on his slice. Driving his cart. Showing him how to consistently make birdie. Mashie. Niblick. Getting his score to 69. Golf is a filthy, filthy, filthy game.


Anne Heche expecting another boy, but another girl would be okay too.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 14, 2009 9:04 AM | Report abuse

Brangelina climb through shrubs at another post-Globes bash...

Tee-hee!!!

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 14, 2009 9:05 AM | Report abuse

I had a true "driveway" moment yesterday on the way home listening to NPR. I didn't catch in the beginning who the commentator was, but at the end they announced it was Jen Chaney who writes online with Liz Kelly for the Washington Post. Jen, it was a great piece, I now plan to reread those books. And congrats to you too, Liz, for your mention on national radio. I was a proud lizard yesterday.

Posted by: hodie | January 14, 2009 9:10 AM | Report abuse

"Paris Hilton's website infects users with data-stealing trojan". Wait a minute, I thought the trojans were supposed to prevent that sort of thing.

"Seraphina". How ironic. I keep picturing Ben Affleck as one of the archangels in Dogma with his wings cut off.

I can also see during the car chase scene in Smokey and the Bandit, the sheriff crashing after the glare off the back of Reynolds head blinds him causing him to run off the road.

Yeah right, Will Smith, I can't think of anything funnier than having to cut off your Mom's leg unless of course they cut off the wrong one. Now THAT would be funny.

Posted by: hodie | January 14, 2009 9:24 AM | Report abuse

Oprah must have been really hurt after losing the role in Doubt to Phillip Seymour Hoffman.


Kate Hudson not dating Adam Scott. So does that mean we can take him off the suicide watch?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 14, 2009 9:26 AM | Report abuse

A scene from the new Ray Romano/Scott Bakula tv show:

Ray: When I dance people think I'm looking for my keys.

Scott: Al, you gotta help me here. What do I have to do for my next leap?

Al (seen only by Scott): Sorry Scott, Ziggy says there's a 95% chance you have to make this guy into a comedian.

Scott: Oh boy...

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 14, 2009 9:33 AM | Report abuse

Paris has probably infected most of Hollywood by now. It was bound to hit the rest of the country at some point.

Wow, I forgot Lil Kim was still around. Well what's left of her anyway.

Seraphina. I'm not sure how I feel about that one. Although I'm leaning towards just calling her Sera.

Posted by: petalceleb | January 14, 2009 9:36 AM | Report abuse

Dorkus changed channels a little to quickly in that scene from the new Ray Romano/Scott Bakula tv show:

Ray: When I dance people think I'm looking for my keys.

Scott: Al, you gotta help me here. What do I have to do for my next leap?

Al (seen only by Scott): Sorry Scott, Ziggy says there's a 95% chance you have to make this guy into a comedian.

Scott: Oh boy.

Al: So Beyonce, Bono and Sting walk into a bar...

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 14, 2009 9:43 AM | Report abuse

Er, "too quickly," I meant.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 14, 2009 9:43 AM | Report abuse

Jen, it was a great piece, I now plan to reread those books. And congrats to you too, Liz, for your mention on national radio. I was a proud lizard yesterday.

Posted by: hodie | January 14, 2009 9:10 AM

Toadie.

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 14, 2009 9:52 AM | Report abuse

I get Will Smith. Honestly, while my mom was dying, there were so many inadvertantly hilarious moments - like the priest at the Catholic hospital trying to pray over my virulently anti-Catholic mother and me vaulting over the bed to tackle him and make sure he didn't DARE touch her with his icky priest hands. (I am not even kidding.) You gotta enjoy them while you can, people! I hope someone tells inappropriate jokes and makes the folks laugh at my funeral. That would be the way to go out.

Posted by: jaybbub | January 14, 2009 10:00 AM | Report abuse

Check out the link about "Smokey." Sadly for you Burt fans, this is not a sequel or remake. The plot as described in the article is a bit convoluted -- escaped convict steals 18-wheeler to drive across south to visit dying Mom, as near as I can make out.

Why am I thinking I'm seeing Matthew McConaughey at the wheel?

Posted by: 44west | January 14, 2009 10:08 AM | Report abuse

I think Seraphina is a lovely name, unfortunately is doesn't go very well with Affleck. I think parents should give that sort of thing more consideration. If you give your kid an ethnic-sounding or unusual name, make sure it fits. I wish they'd kept to the flower theme as a first name. Daisy would have been nice.

Posted by: pras40 | January 14, 2009 10:16 AM | Report abuse

jaybub, I actually get Will Smith too. Humor is a very important part of healing. I was poking fun of the way he said it. My mother broke her neck at C1-C2 (same fracture as Christopher Reeve). She had to wear one of those halos (big metal contraption that actually screws into the skull) to stabilize her neck and prevent the spinal cord damage like CR had. She was in the hospital at Christmastime and the nurses decided to be funny and decorate her like a tree. It was hilarious and my Mom was totally ok with it. Laughter is the best medicine.

Posted by: hodie | January 14, 2009 10:29 AM | Report abuse

Only because Hodie mentioned him, I am reminded of the joke, "What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?"

"Christopher Walken."

(I know.)

When my dad had his feet amputated he said it was a mixed blessing. What he was saving on shoes he was spending on getting all of his pants re-hemmed.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 14, 2009 10:35 AM | Report abuse

Anyone who visits Paris Hilton's website get what they deserve

After seeing Oprah's performance in Beloved, the producers made the right choice.

a/k/a jake e. poo

Posted by: milesdy | January 14, 2009 10:37 AM | Report abuse

No matter what name you put with "Affleck" it still sounds like someone has sneezed. Perhaps "Gesundheit" would work.

Posted by: kvs71 | January 14, 2009 11:02 AM | Report abuse

If you're going to get a virus from Paris Hilton, it should at least happen through traditional means.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 14, 2009 11:02 AM | Report abuse

The problem with casting Oprah in a film is that no matter who the character is it's always still Oprah.

Also, sometime back I was asked to compile a list of Old and New Lizard sign-on names. Here's what I have thus far:

LIZARD TRANSITION RESULTS
From "Sasquatch" To "Sasquatchbigfoot"
From "DorkusMaximus" To "DorkusMaximus1"
From "byoolin" To "byoolin1"
From "possum" To "possum_pouch"
From "methinks" To "pras40"
From "petal" To "petalceleb"

Please identify yourselves, if you so desire, so (if you have one) I can add your new identity to the list.

Regards,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | January 14, 2009 11:03 AM | Report abuse

No matter what name you put with "Affleck" it still sounds like someone has sneezed. Perhaps "Gesundheit" would work.

Posted by: kvs71 | January 14, 2009 11:02 AM
-------------
I like 'Gesundheit' and it has a good meaning..literally 'strong health'. We have a decidedly ethnic last name and stuck with very traditional first names for our kids because of it. Sometimes you gotta do what best...you know...for the kids.

Posted by: pras40 | January 14, 2009 11:13 AM | Report abuse

AKA, MoCoSnarky
====
I hope someone tells inappropriate jokes and makes the folks laugh at my funeral. That would be the way to go out.

Posted by: jaybbub | January 14, 2009 10:00 AM
====
I actually got to do that once. The father of a dear friend of mine was an old Vaudeville comedian. He had a thousand jokes...always had one for you when you talked to him. I drove to the interment with the priest and just as we were pulling into the cemetary, he was finishing up one of the jokes. We emerged from the car cracking up. One of the family members spotted us and said, "Telling grandpa's jokes, are you?" We were caught red faced. Then he said, "We're getting together over dinner and beer tonight and we're going to try and record as many as we can remember."


Posted by: mdreader01 | January 14, 2009 11:18 AM | Report abuse

I always thought the way the other members of Monty Python handled Graham Chapman's passing set a standard we should all try to uphold.

Scroll down to the sections on "death" and "legacy"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham_Chapman

Posted by: memphis1 | January 14, 2009 11:25 AM | Report abuse

In this modern age when folks like Coolio think that computers (invented by aliens) are taking over the planet, we can be comforted in knowng that a CAA security agent can still intercept Paris Hilton even though 31 of of 38 virus protection software packages cannot intercept her virus.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 14, 2009 11:29 AM | Report abuse

"On the Tuesday episode of her talk show, Winfrey told the movie's star Meryl Streep...that she asked to audition to play "Mrs. Miller" because she felt a connection to it and wanted to work with Streep...

Streep acted surprised."

Thus putting Streep in the running for an Emmy for best performance of a dramatic scene on daytime television.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 14, 2009 11:32 AM | Report abuse

Also, sometime back I was asked to compile a list of Old and New Lizard sign-on names.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Please identify yourselves, if you so desire, so (if you have one) I can add your new identity to the list.

Regards,

Curmudgeon

Posted by: bmschumacher | January 14, 2009 11:03 AM

Why would anyone care, either way?

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 14, 2009 11:35 AM | Report abuse

Check out the link about "Smokey." Sadly for you Burt fans, this is not a sequel or remake. The plot as described in the article is a bit convoluted -- escaped convict steals 18-wheeler to drive across south to visit dying Mom, as near as I can make out.

Posted by: 44west | January 14, 2009 10:08 AM
==========
Hillarity ensues once he runs out of gas in Tulsa and has to cough up $24,000 to fill 'er up.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 14, 2009 11:36 AM | Report abuse

At least (as far as we know) Adam Scott hasn't lost a ball in the bunker....

Posted by: possum_pouch | January 14, 2009 11:44 AM | Report abuse

escaped convict steals 18-wheeler to drive across south to visit dying Mom,
**
with 1 leg or 2?

Posted by: frieda406 | January 14, 2009 11:46 AM | Report abuse

Why would anyone care, either way?

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 14, 2009 11:35 AM

*****

Because, jez, some of us are deeply caring and profoundly spiritual. Others are Nosy_Parker and some are just plain nosy. And, yes, there are some who don't give a rat's behind.

Chacun à son goût.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 14, 2009 11:47 AM | Report abuse

I hardly know what to add after byoolin's comment because I have no idea what it means. (The French part, that is.)
I appreciate bmschumacher AKA Curmudgeon keeping track of the names tho'.
Very neighborly of you.

Posted by: pras40 | January 14, 2009 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Didn't mean to cause any discord between my fellow lizards. I had changed my registration to reflect my nom de plume, but with work and vacation I wasn't able to snark for a while and I forgot it, so I just went back to my original wapo log in.

Posted by: milesdy | January 14, 2009 12:05 PM | Report abuse

Winslet may have real breasts, but she sure has had other work done recently. Her eyes have been so changed, I hardly recognized her in the Vanity Fair spread last month.

Posted by: chantooz | January 14, 2009 12:39 PM | Report abuse

So many good Paris-Hilton-infecting jokes, so little time.

So when Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner said they'd give their second daughter a normal name, they were yanking our chain?

"she just had a look on her face like, ‘Are we supposed to be doing this?’” I can't help thinking Angie probably didn't have that look when she slithered into Billy Bob Thornton's/Brad Pitt's/Colin Farrell's beds when they were engaged/married.

Posted by: Californian11 | January 14, 2009 12:57 PM | Report abuse

Seraphina is okay. It's not a plain normal, but not so out there that you go "HUH?????"

Britney Spears runs into Justin Timberlake at LA Eatery. So, LA Eatery is now code for "Taco Bell?"

Posted by: epjd | January 14, 2009 1:08 PM | Report abuse

Looks like there will be no Patrick McGoohan in the Prisoner remake ...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/14/AR2009011401656.html

Hope they retire the #6.

Posted by: TonyMostyn | January 14, 2009 1:27 PM | Report abuse

I agree with possum--why in hell would anyone DENY dating Adam Scott? Sheesh. Love your list of golf/dating euphemisms, byoo.

--poster formerly known as hermespal.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | January 14, 2009 2:02 PM | Report abuse

I can certainly understand Paris being tossed out of a Hollywood VIP bash, regardless of her own sense of entitlement. But what were the criteria for an invitation to the VIP party that Brangelina snuck into? However you feel about them personally, or their work for that matter, both are clearly part of the current Hollywood elite. Hell, they were both nominated for awards that night.

Posted by: WasatchTom | January 14, 2009 2:26 PM | Report abuse

RIP John Drake, the consummate "Secret Agent."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 14, 2009 3:19 PM | Report abuse

Why would anyone care, either way?

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 14, 2009 11:35 AM

*****

Because, jez, some of us are deeply caring and profoundly spiritual. Others are Nosy_Parker and some are just plain nosy. And, yes, there are some who don't give a rat's behind.

Chacun à son goût.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 14, 2009 11:47 AM
=======
And there are some of us, according to Gwynnie the Poo, who "get a hit of energy when they are negative about something."

I clearly fall into that category!

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 14, 2009 3:21 PM | Report abuse

Chacun à son goût: roughly translates to "its a matter of taste". It's a phrase frequently spouted by the magnificent Tim Gunn of Project Runway fame.

Posted by: jelo | January 14, 2009 3:23 PM | Report abuse

I can't really get jazzed up about any of this stuff, since I just read that John Mayer has signed on for his own CBS 'variety show'... Can't wait for the MM tomorrow!

Posted by: Trumance1 | January 14, 2009 3:24 PM | Report abuse

There are simply no words to express how much I love the name "Gwynnie the Poo".

Posted by: jaybbub | January 14, 2009 4:01 PM | Report abuse

And I can't express how much I enjoy the phrase "spouted by the magnificent Tim Gunn."

Posted by: possum_pouch | January 14, 2009 4:14 PM | Report abuse

Combining Byoolin's early comments about Kate Hudson, gold metaphors and Anne Heche's pregnancy :

If Anne Heche's brrod grows to include 18 daughters, she can start her own family golf course.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 14, 2009 4:36 PM | Report abuse

So which Lizard gets the credit for the Gwynnie the Poo moniker?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 14, 2009 4:37 PM | Report abuse

KHAAANNNN!

RIP

Posted by: MStreet1 | January 14, 2009 4:40 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for the translation jelo.

RIP Ricardo Montalban. I love you for KHAAAANNNN!!!
Hope your coffin is lined with fine Corinthian leather.

Posted by: pras40 | January 14, 2009 4:42 PM | Report abuse

Qui es mas muerto: Ricardo Montalban o Fernando Lamas?

Posted by: Nana1 | January 14, 2009 4:50 PM | Report abuse

I would like to make one important note about both Patrick McGoohan and Ricardo Montalban's deaths today. Both were married to their longtime first wives. Looks like today's celebs could learn more than acting from these two fine men.

Posted by: epjd | January 14, 2009 5:53 PM | Report abuse

Patrick McGoohan played one of the all-time great characters in those old 'Wonderful World of Disney' programs that was on every Sunday night of my youth. He was the 'Scarecrow of Romney Marsh' and scared the bejeesus out of me.

Posted by: pras40 | January 14, 2009 5:58 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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