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Posted at 7:59 AM ET, 01/23/2009

Morning Mix: Swayze Penning Memoir; Dakota Fanning Headed for 'Twilight' Sequel?

By Liz Kelly

Headlines: Patrick Swayze penning memoir... Heath Ledger's family proud of posthumous Oscar nomination... Travoltas victims of $20 million extortion attempt... Director says he did not make Sienna Miller wear fake breasts in "G.I. Joe" movie... Kelly Osbourne checks in to rehab... Andy Dick says his substance abuse days are over... Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen engaged... Heather Mills says New York men are all over her... Mike Tyson tells Sundance crowd he's a hit with the ladies again (not in so many words -- 6th graf)... Joe Francis joins parade of D-listers this year in Park City.

Pix & Vid: Martha Stewart clip provides 23 seconds of juvenile laughs... Brangelina go grey.

Crime Watch: Hayden Panettiere's dad pleads no contest to battery charges.

Rumor Mill: Madonna and Guy Ritchie still at odds over custody of kids... Dakota Fanning in talks to star in "Twilight" sequel... Larry King lost $1 million in Madoff scheme... Mariah Carey allegedly furious about her inauguration seating... Victoria Beckham shows off $104,000 Birkin bag.

Video: 'Star Wars' Retold By Someone Who Hasn't Seen It

(via Hustler of Culture)

By Liz Kelly  | January 23, 2009; 7:59 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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I'm stumped as to what limp excuse NY men have for coming on to Heather Mills. They won't have a leg to stand on if they try to get some of her $50 million.

Posted by: JoeBlow991 | January 23, 2009 8:52 AM | Report abuse

$104,000 for a silver purse.
I like a nice handbag as much as anyone but how does someone justify that sort of gratuitous consumption?
Not that I expect to ever be satisfied by the answer the Beckham's would give for spending that amount of money on a purse but I would be interested in hearing their rationale.
And what's the deal with the Birkin people? What is so all fired exceptional about these purses that it takes so freekin' long to make one?

Posted by: pras40 | January 23, 2009 9:39 AM | Report abuse

I prefer the Gracy Kelley Hermes bag over the Birkin. How anyone could drop that kind of cash on a purse is beyond me though.

I wonder what weirdness happened at the Travoltas. And not regular Travolta weirdness. Weidness-weirdness.

Posted by: jelo | January 23, 2009 9:43 AM | Report abuse

Posh could have saved a bundle of cash by coming to Georgetown. A friend bought one for $20. However,it's not silver so maybe the colour affects the price.

Didn't Moss and Armisen just start dating?

NY men just love Heather from her head to her toes. I know, I know but its funny to me and I couldn't stop myself.

Star Wars retold is funny.

Posted by: petalceleb | January 23, 2009 9:52 AM | Report abuse

It's still more attractive than that bag Beyonce bought (I want to say it was a Gucci), that was simply a patchwork of other couture bags.

But mostly, minus the diamonds - it looks like something my late grandmother used to carry her bingo supplies.

Posted by: Chasmosaur1 | January 23, 2009 9:52 AM | Report abuse

Wait, it was a Louis Vuitton bag. At least Posh's is a Hermes and has nice lines.

Posted by: Chasmosaur1 | January 23, 2009 9:57 AM | Report abuse

re: The Inauguration pouting - I can totally see their point. 'Cause Mariah Carey's big ol' fake breasts and Poop Daddy's big ol' silly ego are SOOOOOO very important to the nation and, indeed, the world.

Posted by: jaybbub | January 23, 2009 9:57 AM | Report abuse

Brad Pitt kinda looks like he's trying to be Clark Gable. Not a good look for him.

I love celebrity gossip, but today I discovered that there are limits to my curiosity: I really don't want to know what kind of weird weirdness the Travolta blackmailers were threatening to expose.

I doubt Posh paid for the expensive Birkin; she is probably getting paid to be photographed carrying it around.

Posted by: newengland1 | January 23, 2009 10:10 AM | Report abuse

The extortion attempt has GOT to be the fact that the poor kid died because his parents wouldn't accept and treat his autism.

I'm not a fan of Travolta's, and wouldn't even have had this brought to my attention if I hadn't made some random comment to a friend here in the UK about Scientology and Tom Cruise acting a bit nutty in a recent interview over Valkyrie. I could babble on here, but I won't. Suffice to say, the little bit of research I did online does seem to suggest that Jett was ill, and his seizures were related to this illness. Unfortunately for him, Scientology doesn't recognize it as an illness, so his parents just ignored it and got him an extra nanny.

Good video proof, in my opinion.

I'm surprised at the extortion, though. Don't Scientologists just sue anyone into the ground as soon as they attempt to 'defame' them? I don't know.

Posted by: cakewench | January 23, 2009 10:16 AM | Report abuse

Heath Ledger. Face it, the other Supporting Actor nominees might as well just go out drinking together that night because they won't be going on stage.

(AOL headline yesterday: "Heath Ledger, One Year Later" -- and I thought to myself, does anybody really want to see him now?!)

The only way men are "all over" Heather Mills is if someone tied a well-prepared steak around her neck.

Oh, and who cares about Mariah Carey's seating at the Inauguration? I want to know where Oprah sat, how big the throne was and was it made by Birkin. Anybody know>

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 23, 2009 10:18 AM | Report abuse

That is absolutely untrue and ridiculous about Mariah Carey. I caught up with her after the Neighborhood Ball and all she had to say was amazing things about the day and how perfect everything was. She was all smiles and so happy Obama was our new President. People like to think she is this huge diva with all these demands, making up rumors and such, but in reality she is so nice and really down to Earth.

Posted by: custerja | January 23, 2009 10:18 AM | Report abuse

I can so relate to Mariah Carey. When I found out I wouldn't be seated with the Obama family, I, too, bailed on the inauguration.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 23, 2009 10:18 AM | Report abuse

Andy Dick says, "When I'm with men, usually I'm out of my mind drinking."

Wasn't that Lindsay Lohan's situation as well?

In any case, looks like Dr. Drew has more work to do. Andy shouldn't be declaring victory just yet.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 23, 2009 10:23 AM | Report abuse

Hello Lizards, long time no type. (Home with sick kid today.)

I’ve actually read the Twilight books, part of my immersion into tween culture. I can see Dakota as “Jane”, not a major role.

For those that care – I’m working hard in night and weekend school to become “Highly Qualified” (and am on target graduate in May), but have been informed by the Public School System for which I work, that if the expected budget cuts happen, any first year teacher at the school should count on not coming back. Fun! So if you’re a Virginian, and don’t want to see classroom sizes go up and Celebrity Snarking teachers on the street, kindly go to and advise that you would like K-12 funding to be preserved in the next budget.

Many thanks.
River City Roller

Posted by: RiverCityVA | January 23, 2009 10:33 AM | Report abuse


I have a friend that knows one of Jett's nannies. That person always referred to Jett's illness as "autism." So whether or not the family admitted to it in public, I believe that in private, they sought whatever treatment they could for him. Jett was on anti-seizure medication, but it was discontinued because it was no longer effective.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 23, 2009 10:35 AM | Report abuse

Hi, RCR! We've missed your snarky finger pointing, not to mention needlepointing. Hope your child's feeling better soon, and that state legislatures around the country come to the senses stat about the value to society of good public educations for all.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 23, 2009 10:40 AM | Report abuse

So if you... don’t want to see... Celebrity Snarking teachers on the street

Can we have an "Owe the humanity" here?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 23, 2009 10:44 AM | Report abuse


I've read similar comments, that people close to them knew of his illness (as I imagine it would have been obvious.) I'm certainly not an expert on the family, though, and I wouldn't know the situation nearly as well as your friend does. I do hope they were having him treated, though, as their public reactions to being questioned about his autism really were a bit sad. If they're willing to call it Kawisaki Syndrom (ie, acknowledging there is an issue) I just don't understand why they wouldn't be truthful.

Posted by: cakewench | January 23, 2009 10:50 AM | Report abuse

We need those snarking teachers in the classroom, where they can spread the snark to the next generation!

We Virginians are hurting. I'm thankful every day for my private-sector job, which could disappear at any moment. And then I'd be too busy looking for a new job to hang around Celebritology. Now THAT would be a tragedy of epic proportions. Owe the humanity, for sure!

Posted by: jaybbub | January 23, 2009 10:52 AM | Report abuse

RCR, good to see you! Hope the child feels better soon; my wife's at home with one of ours also. 'Tis the season.

"[Madonna] and her former husband cannot agree on where Rocco should go to school, with Mr Ritchie, 40, favouring England and Madonna the US." -- what, no homeschooling?

I think our Friday List should be to come up with a title for the Swayze memoir. Something along the lines of:

"I'm Like the Wind"
"Give Me a Point Break"
"Red Dawn of My Career"
"Believe Me, I Didn't Want to Dance with Barbara Walters on Her Special But She Made Me"

or, co-opting byoolin's quote the other day,

"Nobody Sends Swayze to the Coroner"

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 23, 2009 11:03 AM | Report abuse

with Mr Ritchie, 40, favouring England and Madonna the US

Didn't you mean, "with Mr Ritchie, 40, favouring England and Madonna favoring the US"?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 23, 2009 11:05 AM | Report abuse

Patrick Swayze penning memoir

Will he have a ghost writer? Or a "Ghost" writer?

Travoltas victims of $20 million extortion attempt

Oh, I DO so want to know how weird anything could be to warrant a $20 million attempt. The article update says it pertains to "circumstances surrounding Jett's death" but "does not involve pictures of his dying son." Maybe photos of the parents, or the bathroom afterwards?

Victoria Beckham shows off $104,000 Birkin bag.

Even if she didn't pay for the darn thing (and I agree with newengland1 that Posh is probably being paid by the maker to carry the thing around in hopes of leading to published photos of it), there's just something so totally wrong about a purse that costs that much. How many people could be housed and fed for that amount of money? Or a couple of first-year teachers' jobs could be saved for that much. Right, RCR?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 23, 2009 11:16 AM | Report abuse

Nosy, I just copied the text from the Madonna article. Blame that bastion of high journalism, TimesOnlineUK.

Mike Tyson: "people are offering me a lot of p—y and a lot of money again.” Poultry? Parapsychology? Pictionary? Pony?

Larry King's having a bad few months. Wife Shawn was doing it with another guy, he's losing money to Madoff, and I saw him on a promo for something (The Late Show?) fully dressed in a hot tub with a bare Jim Carrey. [shudder] Somebody give Mr. CNN a Birkin wallet to make him feel better.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 23, 2009 11:46 AM | Report abuse

Sounds like Mike Tyson and Heather Mills should hook up. Their comprehension of reality seems similar.
And I'm sorry if these sounds both ungracious and mean, but isn't it just a bit creepy to give Heath Ledger an Oscar? It would be nice for his daughter and family, I'm sure, but couldn't it start a sort of weird trend? It's kind of like buying diapers for the Lindbergh baby.

Posted by: possum_pouch | January 23, 2009 12:00 PM | Report abuse


For Mr. Tyson, clearly p___y means psychotherapy.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 23, 2009 12:00 PM | Report abuse

this..not these. I mean, theys not much anyways..

Posted by: possum_pouch | January 23, 2009 12:01 PM | Report abuse

I was looking forward to GI Joe because I like escapist, action-type movies that lower expectations. But now, all I'll be able to think about is whether Sienna's boobs or really hers or if her bra is stuffed with chicken filets (and whether they are baked or lightly-battered and fried.

"Owe the humanity" ... that's a really good one, Nosey

Posted by: rashibama | January 23, 2009 12:01 PM | Report abuse

td, I realized that (re favour/favor), but I just couldn't resist...

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 23, 2009 12:08 PM | Report abuse

So if you’re a Virginian, and don’t want to see classroom sizes go up and Celebrity Snarking teachers on the street, kindly go to and advise that you would like K-12 funding to be preserved in the next budget.

Many thanks.
River City Roller

Posted by: RiverCityVA | January 23, 2009 10:33 AM

Oh, brother!

Posted by: jezebel3 | January 23, 2009 12:35 PM | Report abuse

Wish I could help you, RCR, but I'm a Marylander. Thanks for the work you do -- teaching kids is a tough job!

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 23, 2009 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Meanwhile, RCR, your Old Dominion tax dollars at work. I wonder if the mouse will bring in enough extra bucks to save the teachers:

"Va. tax agency puppet mouse promotes online filing"

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) -- Talk about cheesy. Virginia's Tax Department debuted a video on YouTube on Friday intended to promote online filing of state income taxes.

The video opens like a trailer for a film featuring a superhero. Enter Phil Mousepower, a blue-caped and masked hand puppet - the arm controlling it clearly visible.

Onscreen, an excited Phil cavorts around a wedge of cheddar.

The sponsor and intent of the video becomes clear at the end of the 47-second video when the words "Use Mouse Power, File Online" and the Tax Department's Web address appear onscreen.


Phil Mousepower Video:

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 23, 2009 12:51 PM | Report abuse

Yep on the purse comments. That purse (and Birkins in general IMHO) is a perfect encapsulation of tackiness, conspicuous consumption and money looking for a place to spend itself. In a recession, it's just bad taste and reeks of "Let them eat cake."

The last person who tried to extort a Scientologist wound up dead, so ...

Brad, the 'stache has got to go. And why is it that he looks like whomever he is sleeping with? Weird. And what's with Angelina's pants? Surely she can afford a tailor to alter them to the correct length?

Posted by: Californian11 | January 23, 2009 1:16 PM | Report abuse

Many, many questions I have:

Did Martha Stewart and associate spatchcock Andy Dick?

Does Heather Mills know the difference between a man and a cheap suit?

What is Victoria Beckham doing with a $104,000 mirkin bag? Does she have a mirkin collection that she needs to have with her at all times?

If Sienna Miller's brassiere was stuffed with chicken parts for G.I. Joe, should not those parts have been chicken breasts? Boneless chicken breasts?

Will other actors go to the same extremes as heath Ledger in order to win an Oscar?

Will River City Roller get re-hired? Will her credentials be real and spectacular?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 23, 2009 2:23 PM | Report abuse

Heather Mills, mobs of men with pitchforks and torches does not qualify as all over you.

Mariah, I am sure all the people locked out of the blue, purple and silver gates would have been thrilled to have your seat.

We cannot have celebritology snarking teachers wandering the streets. The homeless would object. Save the K-12 Funding.

Posted by: epjd | January 23, 2009 2:52 PM | Report abuse

Patrick Swayze penning memoir: better hope he can type fast.

Here's to Kelly Osbourne making a go of it in rehab - especially if it leads to her appearing next on "What Not To Wear."

Surely the person who interviewed Heather Mills misunderstood. What she tried to say was that all New York men are over her, meaning that in addition to Paul there are now another 4 million guys who wouldn't touch her with an eight-inch-pole.

Martha Stewart clip: 'twould that it were Martha and Ripley spatchcocking that Alien.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 23, 2009 3:19 PM | Report abuse

We cannot have celebritology snarking teachers wandering the streets. The homeless would object.

Dozens of Lizards are wiping spit spray off their computer screens right now!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 23, 2009 3:21 PM | Report abuse

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