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Posted at 8:04 AM ET, 02/ 5/2009

Morning Mix: Bale's Mom Not Surprised by Outburst

By Liz Kelly

Tilda Swinton attends a news conference at the 59th Berlinale film festival. (Reuters)
Thursday

Headlines: Christian Bale's mom says she hopes public understands his temper now | Rant Remix (Utterly NSFW) | Top 10 Celebrity Rants... Tom Cruise confuses Brazil and Argentina... Fat acceptance group comes out in support of Jessica SImpson... Jennifer Aniston says she still has saved phone messages from Brad Pitt... Ashley Judd blasts Sarah Palin for wolf hunts... James Franco to receive Harvard Hasty Pudding award... Gwyneth Paltrow penning cookbook... Elton John shutting down Las Vegas show... Shakira opens school in Colombian hometown... John Malkovich listed among Bernard Madoff losers... Etta James slams Beyonce for "At Last" serenade to President Obama... Jessica Alba says girdle was her post-baby body secret... "Fringe" co-stars Anna Torv and Mark Valley marry... Clay Aiken sitting in on an episode of "America's Next Top Model"... Tisha Campbell Martin expecting second child... William Shatner, needing attention, says George Takei needs to be "vetted" like a horse.

Pix and Video: Tom Cruise shows off toned abs... Rihanna rocks a flouncy mini... Another day, another wacky Juliette Lewis ensemble.

Rumor Mill: Exes Paris Hilton and Benji Madden both dating "Hills" stars? (second item)... Johnny Depp joining cast of "Three Stooges" film adaptation?... Jennifer Hudson set to marry?

Say What?
"I did it to help them [my children], advance their careers and give them hope." -- Father of the year Michael Lohan explains his motivation in what he claims is his final blog post.

Chat Day: Why work when you can post anonymous questions to a public discussion forum?

Tune in at 11 a.m. ET to chat with "The Office's" Mindy Kaling (Kelly Kapoor) to talk about her acting, writing and producing duties on the hit show.

Join me at 2 p.m. ET for this week's edition of Celebritology Live or I may be forced to rip your #$#$% lights down. (Ahem.)

Channel your inner TV-obsessed geek by spending the 3 o'clock hour analyzing the coolest show on TV ("Lost," natch) with Jen Chaney and me.

By Liz Kelly  | February 5, 2009; 8:04 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Wednesday List: A Rap Name for Joaquin Phoenix
Next: 'Lost' Dueling Analysis: 'The Little Prince'

Comments

Christian Bale's a modern-day Piranha Brother, isn't he? (Doug moreso than Dinsdale.)


"Tom Cruise confuses Brazil and Argentina." Well, at least that's one thing he has in common with the average American.


Memo from Jessica Simpson to The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance: "The only thing worse than being called 'fat' is having fatties tell everybody that you're one of them. Thanks for ruining my career. Also, do you know where I can get a bulk discount on Twinkies?"


Hey, Jennifer Aniston, for future reference, most stalkers *don't* tell people they save phone messages for years.


Hey, Jennifer Aniston, for future reference, if you're gonna save phone messages for years, it will help at your inevitable trial if you wear something that looks like that wacky Juliette Lewis ensemble.


Liz Kelly, may I be excused from this week's edition of Celebritology Live? I will be unable to access the internets for an extended period today. If you are unable to accomodate my request, can we set up a time for you to come and rip my #$#$% lights down?

-- Channel your inner TV-obsessed geek by spending the 3 o'clock hour analyzing the coolest show on TV ("Lost," natch )with Jen Chaney and me.

Posted by: byoolin1 | February 5, 2009 8:46 AM | Report abuse

Gwyneth Paltrow penning cookbook -

Oh, goody! Then she'll be on the talk show circuit to shill the book and demonstrate her recipes. More ammo.

Posted by: jezebel3 | February 5, 2009 8:47 AM | Report abuse

Wee Tom confuses Brazil and Argentina, AND shows off toned abs. Can we assume WT got an "Argentinian" wax while he was down there? (So to speak.)

Posted by: reddragon1 | February 5, 2009 8:59 AM | Report abuse

You know I really feel sorry for the Lohan kids. No wonder they are so messed up. Mom is psycho and Dad thinks that ripping his child in public will "help" her career.

Jennifer Aniston, it's OVER. Erase the messages and move on. Then you might find something to talk about other than Brad. Or that other guy in your life. Get a hobby so you have something to talk about than the men in your life.

Posted by: epjd | February 5, 2009 9:32 AM | Report abuse

Jennifer Aniston needs to talk to a professional probably more than the chick with the 14 kids. Also, why would you still have recordings of messages. I hope that is a rumor because if its not, I just feel sad for her.

Liz Kelly ripping my @#$%^ lights down is not nearly as scary as an attempt to rip out my endocrine system and wear it as a backpack. Having typed that, I will be there.

Posted by: petalceleb | February 5, 2009 9:40 AM | Report abuse

Did you read that link? Christian Bale's mom is a therapist! Maybe she should bake some prozac into his brownies from now on.

Posted by: 44west | February 5, 2009 9:56 AM | Report abuse

Tilda Swinton attends a news conference at the 59th Berlinale film festival.

Wow, Tilda looks seriously unhappy to be there. I wonder if the new Tim Roth TV series "Lie To Me" will ever feature that photo in its celeb segments.


Tom Cruise confuses Brazil and Argentina.

Wee Tom confuses the US, too. Or maybe he's just confused...


Etta James slams Beyonce for "At Last" serenade to President Obama.

James ought to be grateful that as big a singing star as Beyoncé (regardless of what one may think of her acting talent, or lack thereof) was cast to play her in the recent film "Cadillac Records," which could have brought James a new generation of fans if she'd played her (figurative) cards right. Instead, we're treated to a churl probably filled with sour grapes because she wasn't asked to perform at the Inaugural Ball: "You know your President, right? You know the one with the big ears?"... "He ain't my President." Real class, Etta, real class (not).


Ashley Judd blasts Sarah Palin for wolf hunts.

I'm conflicted as to whether we should all just ignore Palin in hopes she'll just go away, or whether her extremist (not to mention inhumane and anti-environmentalist) views and actions need to be actively countered. Also, does anyone know whether her RNC-purchased clothes are still sitting around committee HQ, waiting to be sent to charities?


byoolin, you do realize you can post an inquiry for this afternoon's chat ahead of time, don't you?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 10:06 AM | Report abuse

Well, I was doing reasonably okay this morning until reddragon1 planted that Wee Tom grooming thought into my little brain. So, thanks for that!

In what bizarro world is Jessica Simpson FAT? I should be so hefty. Jeez.

"Dinsdale!"

"He used . . . sarcasm . . ."

Posted by: jaybbub | February 5, 2009 10:10 AM | Report abuse

Ya know, say what you want about Juliette Lewis' wacky clothes, and seriously fashion-impaired judgement, but the gal looks GREAT! Not the clothes, but you can see her arms, legs, and she looks healthy, not overly skinny, has curves, great skin tone. More of the Hollywood women need to take a look at her and get a clue. Ultra skinny (a la KatieBot) does not look good. You go, Juliette, and rock on with your bad self.

Posted by: OrganicGal1 | February 5, 2009 10:12 AM | Report abuse

Ashley Judd (hott) condemns Sarah Palin (also hott, but not as) for endorsing "brutal killing" of wolves. Sorry Ash, but shooting from helicopter gunships is not brutal killing of wolves. Ripping out their ednocrine systems and wearing them as a backpack (see petal, above) is. On the other hand, certainly no one in Alaska uses wolves for food. If you let the wolves go, they will manage the moose and caribou for you. But then Alaskans wouldn't have as many moose and caribou to shoot, and it wouldn't be Alaska.

Posted by: reddragon1 | February 5, 2009 10:14 AM | Report abuse

Brazil and Argentina? Aren't those two part of the nation of Canada?


Ashley Judd blasts Sarah Palin for wolf hunts...

And Sarah Palin blasts Ashley Judd for The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

GOOP the book? Does it come with a free panic room?


Is the latest trend in Hollywood for aging stars to trash the youngsters that attempt to perform their signature roles?


Jessica Alba, would you please loan you girdle to Jessica Simpson?


byoolin, will the lovely Mrs. byoolin not let come out and play for just one hour today?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | February 5, 2009 10:16 AM | Report abuse

Oh, yeah, and you're welcome, Jaybub. Guess you'll have to wait for him to go to Orient Beach (St. Martin) to find out.

Posted by: reddragon1 | February 5, 2009 10:18 AM | Report abuse

Dear Jennifer Aniston, saving voicemail is nothing. Let us know if you've followed the practice of brian Mcnamee and have saved syringes containing Brad's DNA.

is it true that Sarah Palin's favorite oldies tune is Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf"? She certainly has the 80s hair to carry off a kareoke performance. She also has the tude.

Props to Byoolin for his @#$%^ tribute to George Carlin. Lights! Camera! @#$%^!!!

Gwynnie the Poo's new cookbook should be titled, "Eat your Goop. People Are Barfing on Brown Rice in India"

Juliette Lewis has better legs than Rihanna. Better hat, too.

Tom Cruise looks faaaaaaaabulous!!!! Some ta-tas, eh folks?

William Shatner wants to know if George Takei is hung like a horse?

3 words of advice to advice to Johnny Depp:

Woob! Woob! Woob!

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | February 5, 2009 10:21 AM | Report abuse

I think Etta is just trying to demonstrate that she still has her full-on diva chops at age 71.

Anyway, how can it be "her song" when it was written when she was three years old?

Posted by: 44west | February 5, 2009 10:24 AM | Report abuse

Can we assume WT got an "Argentinian" wax while he was down there? (So to speak.)
Posted by: reddragon1 | February 5, 2009 8:59 AM
-------------------------------------------
Tom's cute little shorts should enable a well-situated observer to see all the way to Argentina.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | February 5, 2009 10:24 AM | Report abuse

Tom's cute little shorts should enable a well-situated observer to see all the way to Argentina.

But what if he's only Uruguay?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 10:34 AM | Report abuse

Lewis Black tells us to stop watching the Christian bale meltdown, and watch Congress on YouTube instead. Hilarious diss of Congressman Eric Cantor near the end.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=217684&title=back-in-black-congress-on

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | February 5, 2009 10:35 AM | Report abuse

"You're Trashing My Scene! Was Christian Bale's Terminator tirade illegal?"
http://www.slate.com/id/2210528

"Bonus Explainer: Did the leaked audio violate a confidentiality agreement? Almost certainly."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 10:36 AM | Report abuse

Wee Tom confuses Brazil and Argentina, AND shows off toned abs. Can we assume WT got an "Argentinian" wax while he was down there? (So to speak.)

Posted by: reddragon1 | February 5, 2009 8:59 AM

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scientologists just declared Argentina and Brazil one nation under Wee Tom. Indivisible with prozac and special underwear for all.

Now, please pass the brain bleach!!! And put it on reddragon's tab!!!

Posted by: ChaoticCracker | February 5, 2009 10:39 AM | Report abuse

ESPECIALLY if he's in Uruguay!!

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | February 5, 2009 10:44 AM | Report abuse

"Cramps Founder and Punk Pioneer Lux Interior Dies" (headline I'd most dread having to explain to a foreigner).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 10:49 AM | Report abuse

The Gwynneth Paltrow Cookbook;

Page 1, Recipe 1:

Tear out Page 1, shred into small pieces, place in blender with 8 oz. Extra virgin olive oil (castor oil can be substituted). Blend 1 min., then enjoy!

Posted by: memphis1 | February 5, 2009 10:51 AM | Report abuse

Tilda Swinton attends a news conference at the 59th Berlinale film festival....

where she's told about Gwyneth Paltrow's new GOOP cookbook.

where a reporter asks her about Tom Cruise's pecs and abs.

when she receives a Blackberry message that her Elton John tickets are no longer being honored.

when she finds out that they're making a new Three Stooges movie.

when a reporter asks her if she realizes that by shaving the hair around her ears, it gives the impression of having sideburns.

when she realizes that the same %$#@ who lit Christian Bale is handling the lighting at the press conference.

Posted by: mdreader01 | February 5, 2009 11:00 AM | Report abuse

"...The University of the South, which owns the intellectual property rights for [Tennessee] Williams’s “Streetcar Named Desire,” has threatened legal action to stop performances of the one-man show “Blanche Survives Katrina in a FEMA Trailer Named Desire,” which is scheduled to run through March 15 at SoHo Playhouse.

The play, which won the Audience Choice Award at last year’s New York International Fringe Festival, is written and performed by Mark Sam Rosenthal, who is featured as a modern-day Blanche weathering Hurricane Katrina, the New Orleans Superdome and a subsequent job placement as a cashier at Popeye’s — not to mention a series of unflattering blond wigs..."
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/05/theater/05ceas.html

Owe the humanity! Perhaps some Legal Lizards can weigh in on whether courts' parody rulings would protect this production.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 11:00 AM | Report abuse

Wow, big morning on the Mix. Did all of the celebrities get together and decide to act out at the same time? If so, I appreciate their dedication to our entertainment.

I dunno, I don't think it's necessarily creepy to save old messages from former loves (and notice she said she saved messages from boyfriends as well as her ex-husband). I've saved e-mails from ex-boyfriends; it doesn't mean I'm still hung up on them, just that there are nice memories there.

Christian Bale, I really, really want to like you because you're hot and smart and have the accent and don't seem to care about the Hollywood establishment. But, and this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you, I'm beginning to suspect that you're really an asshat.

Posted by: Wikijen | February 5, 2009 11:06 AM | Report abuse

The Gwynneth Paltrow Cookbook;

Page 1, Recipe 1:

Tear out Page 1, shred into small pieces, place in blender with 8 oz. Extra virgin olive oil (castor oil can be substituted). Blend 1 min., then enjoy!

Posted by: memphis1 | February 5, 2009 10:51 AM

Spelt four and soy milk are readily available in upscale supermarkets. Don't be afraid to experiment!

Posted by: jezebel3 | February 5, 2009 11:07 AM | Report abuse

So, has Wee Tom been sent to Brazil (or is it Argentina . . . or maybe Uraguay . . . whatever, they all sound alike) as a missionary?

Does he think he will make converts by pulling up his t-shirt and showing his tummy?

Run away! Run away!

VTY,

Curmudgeon

PS: Shut up, Mr Lohan (somebody, quick, pull the plug).

Posted by: bmschumacher | February 5, 2009 11:46 AM | Report abuse

Does the Goop recipes include instructions for maximum enjoyment and benefit, follow with several tablespoons of castor oil or laxitive of choice. Or even better, regurgitate with assistance from wooden spoon from eco-forest.

Posted by: hodie | February 5, 2009 11:47 AM | Report abuse

Juliette Lewis is just off the set of a new remake of Robin Hood.

Speaking of remakes, A new Three Stooges? Oh dear God! I just know the men of my house (I'm outnumbered) will be all over that. The stupider (is that a word?) it is, the better. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Jennifer, come on girl, he's just not that into you! (sorry, someone had to say it).

Posted by: hodie | February 5, 2009 11:53 AM | Report abuse

Mudge,

Let's hope all he does is pull up his shirt.

Jaybub and ChaoticCracker,

Roger the brain bleach. Sorry.

Posted by: reddragon1 | February 5, 2009 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Hodie,

Soitenly! How about Bruce Willis for Curly?

Posted by: reddragon1 | February 5, 2009 11:59 AM | Report abuse

I don't know about Uruguay, but you might just get a peek at Uranus.
Waxing is just so out. Latest thing is dreads, guys.

Posted by: possum_pouch | February 5, 2009 12:20 PM | Report abuse

Me thinks Etta James needs to put down the bottle!

Posted by: buffysummers | February 5, 2009 12:25 PM | Report abuse

Thank you, Ashley Judd ... as a wolf lover, I heart you.

Oh, Jennifer Aniston, please STFU. You are really sounding pathetic ... best thing that ever happened to you was divorcing Brad. You can do so much better!!!

I understand your son's a psycho, Mrs. Bale. Is that what you meant?

Who's Tisha Campbell Martin?

Posted by: Californian11 | February 5, 2009 12:42 PM | Report abuse

Yeah reddragon, I think Bruce would be the best Curly. or if you really want to make it weird, how about Vin Diesel?

Posted by: hodie | February 5, 2009 2:00 PM | Report abuse

Just a small factual assertion on the Sarah Palin/Ashley Judd feud (it's the Hatfield and McCoys all over again). The legislature came up the plan after consultation with scientists. Unchecked, the wolves destroy the caribou and moose population. Many small villages depend on those animals still to feed their family. So, Ashley, by saving the wolves, you are saying its okay for small children to starve.

Posted by: epjd | February 5, 2009 2:14 PM | Report abuse

Dreads, Possum? I thought Puffy Poop Daddy decreed a few weeks ago that dyeing to match was the new trend.

Posted by: northgs | February 5, 2009 2:15 PM | Report abuse

Wikijen, I second your Christian Bale lament.

Dear God in Heaven, will Jennifer Anniston EVER stop talking about Brad???? Pathetic is too tame a word. The english language doesn't HAVE a word suitable.

Reddragon, please pass the brain bleach when the other Lizards have had their dose.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | February 5, 2009 2:16 PM | Report abuse

Oh, and the publicist for the Octopuplet spawner says they want $2 million for an interview, but "money is not the object." "She just wants them to get the best care."

BWAAAAAHAHAAAAAAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | February 5, 2009 2:20 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgen, clearly we have to add Christian Bale to the lexicon, as in going all Christian Bale on someone. It fits so nicely with the Celinedion and Danecook definitions. Pretty soon we'll have an entire celebrity name shorthand for various despicable phenomena!

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | February 5, 2009 2:49 PM | Report abuse

Mudge, I suggest only using the word "Bale" for the lexicon because Christian definitely does NOT describe his behavior. But I won't Bale on you if you decide not to heed this advice.

Posted by: hodie | February 5, 2009 2:57 PM | Report abuse

sorcerers_cat,
we could call the non-profane, milder version "going all Etta James" on someone.

Posted by: memphis1 | February 5, 2009 2:59 PM | Report abuse

You're right Hodie--and it works because this is a written instead of spoken media.

Ooh, I like that memphis. Maybe like Hodie's suggestion it could be simply going "Etta" on someone?

By the way, apologies to all and a free dose of brain bleach for the Robin Williams in a dress doing cartwheels analogy--I'm still having trouble getting that hairy image out of my head. ;-)

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | February 5, 2009 3:32 PM | Report abuse

We need something to describe verbal smackdowns and lame comebacks as well. The island seemed to be split on yesterday's Faye/Hilary kerfuffle. I think they work for either one.

Posted by: petalceleb | February 5, 2009 3:33 PM | Report abuse

sorcerers_cat raises an interesting point. I wonder who's hairier? Joachim Phoenix or Robin Williams?

And the only thing worse than a Farrelly Brothers adaptation of The Three Stooges would be a Coen Brothers adaptation, starring Quentin Tarentino as Shemp.

Posted by: mdreader01 | February 5, 2009 3:38 PM | Report abuse

petal
yesterday's Faye/Hilary kerfuffle

Perhaps a Duffaway?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 3:39 PM | Report abuse

mdreader
I wonder who's hairier? Joachim Phoenix or Robin Williams?

Sasquatch in a dress doing cartwheels?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 3:41 PM | Report abuse

"...The University of the South, which owns the intellectual property rights for [Tennessee] Williams’s “Streetcar Named Desire,” has threatened legal action to stop performances of the one-man show “Blanche Survives Katrina in a FEMA Trailer Named Desire,” which is scheduled to run through March 15 at SoHo Playhouse.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/05/theater/05ceas.html

Owe the humanity! Perhaps some Legal Lizards can weigh in on whether courts' parody rulings would protect this production.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 11:00 AM
=====
I am not a legal lizard, but I do believe that the parody rulings would cover it.

Anyway, the best parody of ASND was the "Simpson's" episode "A Streetcar Named Marge." If I remember correctly, Ned Flanders is Stanley Kowalski.

Posted by: mdreader01 | February 5, 2009 3:46 PM | Report abuse

A Duffaway! Inspired, Nosy.

From my knowledge of satire and parody allowances, this should be inside the law. In fact, the parody play's producers should be prolifically pleased that there's a perflooey over it -- yay publicity!

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | February 5, 2009 3:56 PM | Report abuse

"I wonder who's hairier? Joaquin Phoenix or Robin Williams?" ... How about that guy who played Rhea Perlman's husband on "Cheers"?

I can't decide which is my favorite word of the day: "asshat" or "kerfluffle". :-)

Posted by: Californian11 | February 5, 2009 3:57 PM | Report abuse

mdreader
I wonder who's hairier? Joachim Phoenix or Robin Williams?

Sasquatch in a dress doing cartwheels?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 3:41 PM
------------------------------------------
Sarah Palin in a freshly-killed wolf skin, doing cartwheels.

Consultation? With Scientists? Really, ep?

I guess little activities such as research can be troublesome, eh?

Read the abstract at:

http://www.jstor.org/pss/3801700

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | February 5, 2009 4:09 PM | Report abuse

My favorite term of the past day is the one noted by Lewis Black on Eric Cantor's web site: "He [Eric Cantor] looks like the manager of an a**h0le store."

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | February 5, 2009 4:11 PM | Report abuse

Promoters say [Elton John] will close his Las Vegas Strip show, "The Red Piano," on April 22.

The offbeat production blends the singer's top hits with elaborate video montages created by photographer and director David LaChappelle.
===========

Not nearly as offbeat as it would have been had the photographer been Dave Chappelle.

Posted by: mdreader01 | February 5, 2009 4:41 PM | Report abuse

Agreed, unless there are further submissions Duffaway it is.

Posted by: petalceleb | February 5, 2009 4:54 PM | Report abuse

Promoters say [Elton John] will close his Las Vegas Strip show, "The Red Piano," on April 22.

*****

I'm sorry, but whoever thought Elton John doing a strip show would attract audiences just has a weird sense of eroticism. I mean, perverse, you know? As in the definition "kinky is tickling someone with a feather, perverse is using the entire live chicken".

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | February 5, 2009 5:03 PM | Report abuse

Thank you to whoever posted about the Rolodex-hurler on Liz' 2 PM chat. You made my day, for reasons I regret I'm not at liberty to divulge.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 5:08 PM | Report abuse

How about Kerduffle

Posted by: LTL1 | February 5, 2009 5:33 PM | Report abuse

Or Kerduffleway...

I will stop before someone gets all Etta on my ass

Posted by: LTL1 | February 5, 2009 5:35 PM | Report abuse

LTL, I prefer Kerduffle.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | February 5, 2009 5:57 PM | Report abuse

I like Duffaway the best--it's so apt! "Duffer is a derogatory term applied to poor (golfers) in general. Somewhat synonymous with "hacker" in that they both apply to poor players."

What could be more indicative of poor play than smackdown/lame reply?

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | February 5, 2009 6:04 PM | Report abuse

If you need change in economic terms,
You retired and opened a 'can of worms',
Whether you're in college or a 'soccer mom',
Come visit CanGagGifts.com!

Posted by: cangaggifts4U | February 12, 2009 11:07 PM | Report abuse

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