Wednesday List: A Rap Name for Joaquin Phoenix

J'Pee would violate most if not all your rules. Plus, it's border line scatological.

Sir Hirsute-a-lot?

He could reference his childhood stage name while simultaneously explaining his behavior by using Puff Leaf.

How about just plain "Harry" or "Hairy"

whatever.

(Big Foot Bob?)

Joaquin Phoenix looks like Mr. Grizzly...Where is his face?

Please. Just call him by his prior first name, "Leaf." Or throw in his birth last name and call him "Leaf Bottom" (or "Leaf B" -- as in leave him be?).

Judging by that scary pic, I'd dub him
MC Kaczynski.

MC Scary

Phony Jo

Quit Actin'

Walking

MC Blo' Leef

Phoenix. Like the famed bird Joaquin shall rise from the dying embers of his first try to soar to the heights of Vanilla Ice, K-Fed and any band DiddyPoop produces. The albums drops with a thud heard round the world on...........ummm.

I swear that's a fake beard and Groucho Marx nose/glasses...

Mighty McSkeevy

DJ DB

(dirty beard)

Jay-No
Psych-O
Kra-Zee
Lil' Hope
Hip-Flop
2Stoned
Kid Cash
Run AWAY

J.P. Firebird. (doubt rap will raise this career from the ashes)
J.P. Crazar
The artist formerly known as sane.

I was thinking along the same lines as petal. Either MC Phoenix or just plain Phoenix.

DJ Cash or the like would probably be appropriate as he will be forever remembered as portraying the Man in Black.

Judging on that picture, I'd probably have to go with MC Homeless-Guy-Selling-the-Washington-Times-on-14th-Street.

Wack-Joaquin.

MC Poseur?

J-Bird

an obvious play on Pheonix, tinged with old-school, teenage naughtiness with a whiff of trying too hard. Or not hard enough.

Pheon-X and Team Quin*

*a la Snoop Dog's Dog Pound

Why rap???? He looks like he is auditioning for a new spot in ZZ Top.

Sky Harbor

That's Joaquin Phoenix, who used to be so hot? Dude looks like he's been out in the wilderness for a couple decades. Maybe his rap name should be Sasquatch (if our esteemed blogger doesn't mind).

MC Bro-Oh-Deed

And Quin? I see what you did there.

hahahah you're a bad person

Master P-NOcchiYO
MC Pantz on Fire
Hollyweird Beard
HoaxMasterBlaster

Hair-lip (pronounced Nelly-style like "her-lip")

1. Phee-line (as a nod to that great rapper Federline)
2. Homeless Joe
3. Daddy Nix
4. Maximum P
5. Baby Got Beard

Simple is better. I'd stick with MC White Boy (pronounced Boy-yeeeee)

Puff Daily

Hairy-o

Tal I Ban

MC UnaBomb

Hodie, I agree on the beard. So, I give you:

ZZ P (hey, it's easy to spell)
ZZ Ice

Commodus.
Isn't it ironic that the name of his character in Gladiator is also the Latin word from which the term commode is derived. As in "Joaquin's career is down the commode".

To carry on the hairy theme:

JP Melenudo

Nix

L'ice

Snuff
(which could either be a play on his looking like Snuffy Smith or that his performance makes everybody scream S'nuff!)

Beardo Weirdo

At the risk of offending a certain cryptid:
S.Quatch

Dude Redux

Joaq Tha Fuq

As in "What the F???"

U-Na-Bomma

Very simple: Bye Good

petalceleb: I like Phoenix.

hodie: I'm loving the use of crazar (or krazar, whichever floats your boat).

I submit J-King...inspired by Joaquin...get it?

I don't like that beard.

SlackingAgain

Dog-P

Thanks, Linda. I've never been good at spelling. Glad the Spelling and Grammar cop has retired.

I like Pheon-X, ZZ Ice, Daddy Nix (or may I suggest Nix Daddy) and L'Ice. All of these fit Liz's requirements and/or describe him well.

epjd, I like ZZ ice in reverse - Ice-zzz. Cause I think it'll be a cold, boring day before I listen to his C rap.

How about...Jaq AZ?

Jaq for Joaquin
AZ as in Arizona (Phoenix)

But make sure you pronounce it properly...

How about: Johnny Crash

2 Cent
DJ Wannabe
Lil' 2 Crazy
Lice T (brewed directly from his beard)
MC Hairy
Sir Stinksalot

JoPho

"White Joaquin", thus further seperating him from one of his most famous roles as "The Man in Black".

I'd like inform you that Scarlett Johansson "actress"actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created illegally using stolen biomaterial.Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady.Original family didn't authorize any activity with stolen biomaterials,no matter what form it was created in,it's all need to be back to original family control in Cedars-Sinai MedicalCenter in LA.Controlling clones is US military operation.Original Scarlett never was engaged,by the way

Memphis1,

He does resemble a famous bowler, doesn't he?

how about:

Wis-kers and just call him Wiz for short!

how about "LOOZA"

i vote for:
MC Poseur
Joaq the Fuq

my submission:
JP the Mad Specialist (tribute to ODB)
Jackass and the Cameraman (duo with Affleck the younger)

Sasquatch, is that you??

If not, my vote is: "I Watched My Brother Die of an Overdose and It's Messed With My Mind."

I have to use 3 words for his rap name.

Career Ending Mistake or C.E.M. for short.

Joaq the Line

Twitty Milk?

Um, "ice" is no surefire winner: Vanilla Ice anyone?

LOL Hodie!

I like Pheon-X and L'Ice...LMAO @L'Ice...dang that beard!

SlackingAgain

BRAP

pronounced BrrrrrrrrrRapppppp

(meaning bad rap!)

Why rap???? He looks like he is auditioning for a new spot in ZZ Top.

Posted by: hodie | February 4, 2009 12:19 PM
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Nope. Beard's not long enough.

Possum, that picture is NOT me...not even on a bad fur day.

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Hmmmm....a Rap name for Joaquin Phoenix....a lot of good suggestions already. Not sure I can compete. Here goes:

Rip Rap
Bearded Clam
Hash Sheesh
Nix-Nox
BC Bud
Dooooood
So Crates
US Bong
Roach Clip
MR Spliff

galabs2000,

I am glad to know the "apparent" truth about ScarJo. But I must apply the old Reagan theorem "Trust but Verify."

I had always heard that ScarJo was possibly a clone of Kim Jong-il's beloved and late feline.

To this end, I will dedicate my lab. I feel this is my duty to the Island, indeed the world as the official inventor of the Lizards. Someone just keep Mrs. Howe away. Sas, where are you?

I MUST obtain the ScarJo of movie fame to so I can do her---errr, I mean perform non-invasive tests to confirm all of our suspicions.

Sas
Possum, that picture is NOT me...not even on a bad fur day.

1. Actually, in that photo he looks like he's gone into the Witness Protection Program & donned a disguise in order to testify behind a silhouette screen in court.

2. I'm sure Sas keeps his coat is well-groomed and silky.

delete "is" from item 2.

Nosy,

I think you mean Wilderness Protection Program? Don't cha?

More like "Witless Protection Program"

Elias, let me get this straight: you want me to protect you from Ms Howe while you conduct an up-close and personal examination of ScarJo in the name of science?

What's in this for me?

Brother J would sum him up nicely.

J-Pho.

Sas,

Yes, I believe you are correct about witless.

As for the other, you will be amply rewarded with the enduring gratitude of the Island and this nation in the name of science. Do I hear an "honorable mention" for you for the 2010 Noble prize for Science? Maybe, just maybe!

I could tell you of a more tangible reward but a gentleman never kisses and tells!

"non-invasive" eh, elias? Just make sure you do the proper informed consents. You got any Clooney clones and I'll be glad to assist.

Sas, give him time and he'll fit right in with them ZZ top boys.

Nosy I just saw yours...LOVE IT! It can even be the name of his first album!

I could tell you of a more tangible reward but a gentleman never kisses and tells!

Posted by: elias_howe | February 4, 2009 3:08 PM
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So you're offering me Sloppy Seconds and I'm supposed to be happy about it?

Shouldn't you consult the would-be ScarJo and ask her opinion of the protocol before proceeding?

One more Rap Name:

Reefer

Ok, I just googled our ScarJo crazy guy. He tends to post that message anywhere on the internet that mentions Scarlett Johansson. It's a little creepy.

Fozzie B

Ok, I just googled our ScarJo crazy guy. He tends to post that message anywhere on the internet that mentions Scarlett Johansson. It's a little creepy.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | February 4, 2009 3:13 PM

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Dorkus, thanks for the research.

In that vein, I move that Joaquin Phoenix's rap name be Galabs 2000.

All in favor.....

A little creepy? He's entering serious tinfoil hat territory.

Aye!

Beardntwang
Nestovoles
NestaRasta
Rastabutt
Tokinsmokin
HairE.Balz

JoaqJob, although I like Fozzie B and some of the others.

Witless Protection Program is a good name for a rock band.

Joaq the Toke

Witless Protection Program is a good name for a rock band.

Only if Dave Barry fronts it!

And Sas, like I say, a gentleman.....

Faux-next

Phoenix stinkin'

phoenix sinkin'

Really, his name used to be Leaf Phoenix?? Those parents were messed up, man: more bong hits than Michael Phelps. . .

Leaf E.
Leaf Peeper
J. Nix
J. Fee

But I have to say, my favourite is Sky Harbor!

-The Poster Formerly Known as Snarky Squirrel

I think Sas and Mrs. Snatch need to take him down to Cryptids 'R' Us and get him a hairy body grooming kit.
Then, I think he should have an album called "Jesus in Shades."

Yung Joaq (so what if Yung Joc gets mad)

Phoe-nom

Sasquatch, dear, is that our long-lost son?

Sasquatch, dear, is that our long-lost son?

Posted by: mssnatchquatch | February 4, 2009 5:47 PM

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According to Possum, it's Jesus in Shades.

That would make us God and Goddess.

Hmmmm...........

Nah!

Tobey McGuire returns from a long camping trip.

Sas,
Bearded Clam really does have a nice ring to it.

JQ

I'm late to the comments, but how about: JoaPhool (pronouced "waffle," with an emphasis on the second syllable)?