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Posted at 7:15 AM ET, 03/ 4/2009

Britney Spears Tour Kicks Off; Jennifer Aniston's $50K Haircare Regimen

By Liz Kelly

Tina Turner performs Tuesday evening at London's O2 Arena. (Reuters)
Wednesday

Headlines: Britney Spears hits the stage for New Orleans tour opener... Matt Damon visits Zimbabwean refugees... Oprah adopts shelter puppy... Michael Jackson expected to announce concert plans... Usher apologizes for Chris Brown comments... Cate Blanchett coming to Kennedy Center's "Streetcar"... Halle Berry debuts eponymous perfume... Robin Williams cancels four shows complaining of "shortness of breath"... Octo-mom spotted visiting Dr. Phil... Woman sues Paula Abdul for driveway fall.

Pix: Charlize Theron tries out five-inch heels.

Rumor Mill: Jennifer Aniston spends $55K to keep hairdresser close... Jennifer Lopez can't part with $50K in borrowed gems... Katherine Heigl slammed for "diva"-like behavior on set of new movie... Mercury man Jeremy Piven spotted downing tuna tartare... Did Madonna get a "ribbon lift"?... Kelis and Nas headed for divorce?

Say What?
"But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live." -- the always quotable Kanye West

By Liz Kelly  | March 4, 2009; 7:15 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Celebritology 101: Secrets of Men's Celeb Crushes Revealed (We Hope)

Comments

Right about now, Leona Helmsley's dogs are giving Oprah's new puppy pro-bone legal advice about pre-pup agreements.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | March 4, 2009 7:53 AM | Report abuse

Matt Damon visits Zimbabwean refugees & Oprah adopts shelter puppy: that woman sure knows how to one-up somebody, doesn't she?


Just yesterday the Lovely Mrs. byoolin expressed surprise that Octo-mom *hadn't* appeared on Dr. Phil's show. But what I want to know is *what does Dick Van Patten think?*


Paula Abdul's driveway seems to be littered with bodies lately, doesn't it?


Charlize Theron tries out five-inch heels. There's only one joke for this, but this is a family newspaper.


$55K on your hair, Jennifer Aniston? No offense, but it looks like you get it done at SuperCuts.


Kelis and Nas headed for divorce? Oh noes, who gets custody of the surname?


Theory: Kanye West is the Tracy Jordan of hip-hop. Discuss.

Posted by: byoolin1 | March 4, 2009 8:09 AM | Report abuse

Is there a twelve step program for sushi addiction?

Posted by: yellojkt | March 4, 2009 8:52 AM | Report abuse

Who is this Paul Abdul person and why should we care about him?

Posted by: StuckatWork | March 4, 2009 8:55 AM | Report abuse

I wish I had JLo's nerve. Of course, no one is offering me jewels to wear in the first place.

I love Kanye! The quotes, not the music.

Posted by: msame | March 4, 2009 9:07 AM | Report abuse

Does Micheal's plan to have a concert mean that the creepy doll hasn't been purchased and he's still in the red?

JLo, you have made enough money by now that you can buy the jewels if you want to keep them so bad.

Kanye, something mind altering might just solve your problem. Not that I'm advocating the use of such a thing. I must say I've seen you perform, you may not be so eager to catch any of the shows yourself.

Posted by: petalceleb | March 4, 2009 9:17 AM | Report abuse

Ah, the wit & wisdom of Kanye West... How did we live without him.

Charlize is a beautiful, seemingly intelligent woman with a fantastic body and legs from here to Montana (here being the east coast). So what's with the wrapping paper dress and the heels? Posh I can understand. She's vapid and short.

Posted by: pras40 | March 4, 2009 9:19 AM | Report abuse

My sister is 5'11 and she always felt that she was close enough to 6 feet anyway she might as well wear high high heals. I say own it Charlize. However, do NOT own that dress. Yikes!

Is Paul Abdul Paula's twin brother?

Posted by: sjcpeach | March 4, 2009 9:30 AM | Report abuse

Come on people, cut Jeremy Piven some slack. He just wants to make sure he aces his job interview with the National Weather Service, that's all.

Posted by: northgs | March 4, 2009 9:36 AM | Report abuse

Oh my goodness. The pix in the Britney article are just about NSFW. That said, the first outfit looks like Wonder Woman meets Conan, the second is stolen whole-cloth from Pink's show last week, and the fourth looks like a drag-queen Britney impersonator who's been crying hard enough to run her mascara. Overall, it seems that the train wreck that is Brit-Brit's career rolls along unchecked...

Posted by: northgs | March 4, 2009 9:50 AM | Report abuse

But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live." -- Kanye West

So it's not losing your mother? What a fing prick.

Posted by: milesdy | March 4, 2009 9:55 AM | Report abuse

Thanks for cluing me in, northgs, or I wouldn't have looked. Moderately hot, but she still has those thunder thighs. At least she had her panties on. Those nekid crotch shots from a while ago still top my list of things I'd rather have not seen but felt compelled to look at, kinda like a car wreck (I've never seen a real live trainwreck.

I'll still take Madge at 50.

Posted by: kabuki3 | March 4, 2009 10:01 AM | Report abuse

To clarify, I didn't mean "Oh my goodness" in a good way. (Although Kabuki, since you took it that way, you're welcome.)

Posted by: northgs | March 4, 2009 10:06 AM | Report abuse

A Britney concert consists of 14 lip synched songs and 11 costume changes?

Someone is suggesting Madge has had work done?

I wonder if Paul Abdul is treated like the gift that he is.

Posted by: jes11 | March 4, 2009 10:16 AM | Report abuse

The picture of octomom leaving Dr Phil's house looks like she's getting thrown out.

Posted by: jes11 | March 4, 2009 10:20 AM | Report abuse

Britney has got just a little baby fat left and a touch of a a muffin top. She'd make an incredibly hot soccer mom, but doesn't quite cut it as a Cirque du Soleil burlesque performer.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 4, 2009 10:26 AM | Report abuse

Love the photo of Tina Turner on stage. She looks great, better than many women half her age. Go Tina.

Posted by: newengland1 | March 4, 2009 10:30 AM | Report abuse

55K? does Aniston's hairdresser color her hair with actual gold?

Posted by: jes11 | March 4, 2009 10:36 AM | Report abuse

Now, I might pay to see Tina Turner lip-synch. Britney Spears, not so much.

I hope somebody is videotaping all her concerts so Jaden and Preston will be able to see just how *talented* Mom was back in the day.

Posted by: memphis1 | March 4, 2009 10:37 AM | Report abuse

55K on her hair?! While I think she has nice hair I can't say it looks any different than people I know. And they are not spending that on their hair.

I think Britney looks good but those outfits make her look horrible. I guess Circus is a good name for the show. And who on earth is paying $500 for tickets?!

Posted by: Vienna8425 | March 4, 2009 11:00 AM | Report abuse

Is Michael in any shape to perform? Last we saw him he was in a wheelchair.

$55k for a haircut?? I think I have the wrong job.

5inch heels for a short red carpet appearance is not nearly as stupid as wearing them to a themepark. However, that dress is pretty stupid. She looks like a gold baked potato.

Kanye, the object of one man's pain is the object of another man's gratitude.


Posted by: hodie | March 4, 2009 11:10 AM | Report abuse

northgs, thanks for the tip about "just about NSFW." If Brit wants to prance about in her support garments, who are we to stand in her way. Literally, that thing looks like it could explode under such pressure.

Kanye West obviously has no access to a camcorder. Of course that's not live, but he needs to put himself on 5 second delay.

newengland, agree that Tina Turner could win a leg-off, especially if the competition were Madge and Brit.

If they really wanted JLo's bling back, I would offer my services to repo. But only if she's wearing them.

Posted by: reddragon1 | March 4, 2009 11:59 AM | Report abuse

Britney has become a bad imitation of a contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race.

Though I don't think even a bad drag queen would be seen in public in those horrid outfits.

Posted by: wadejg | March 4, 2009 12:14 PM | Report abuse

Frankly Wadejg, even if there are "men" who could shoehorn themselves into those outfits, I wouldn't want to see them try. (But at least they wouldn't need backing tracks to hit the high notes.)

Posted by: northgs | March 4, 2009 12:29 PM | Report abuse

I'm not jealous of the rocks that you got.
I know you're still Jenny from the block.
Though they may seem little, they're ones you haven't bought.
I know where you're goin' and I know where you came from.


Posted by: mdreader01 | March 4, 2009 12:35 PM | Report abuse

I'm a little late to the party, but Britney's outfits cover more skin than many of the outfits you see little girl dancers wearing in small town Christmas parades.

I just adopted a doggie from a shelter too - why is no one writing a story about me?

Oh Kanye.

Who in the heck are Kelis and Nas? Sounds like a bad diagnosis. "What is it, doc?" "Well, you have the Kelis and Nas. But don't worry, a couple weeks on antibiotics and you'll be just fine..."

Posted by: VaLGaL | March 4, 2009 1:21 PM | Report abuse

Who in the heck are Kelis and Nas?
Posted by: VaLGaL | March 4, 2009 1:21 PM

Perhaps this will help.

Kelis' "milkshake brings all the boys to the yard."

Nas declared "hip hop is dead" in 2006, pissed off 50 Cent in 2007, and tried to title an album "N-----" in 2008 and stirred the wrath of Jesse Jackson.

They are expecting their first child this year. Sorry to see them break up.

Posted by: mdreader01 | March 4, 2009 2:42 PM | Report abuse

Liz
Halle Berry debuts eponymous perfume

Actually, the perfume is the namesake, the actress' name is the eponym. Please correct usage.

Sorry not to have been around much recently. Life in general and overwork in particular (both mine), as well as death (an old friend's) have intervened lately. Any of these alone, but especially in combination, tends to drain the snark right out of a poor Lizard.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 4, 2009 3:51 PM | Report abuse

For Paula Abdul, the hits just keep on comin'.

Go Charlize Theron. And to think, Gabrielle Reece stands that tall (6'3") in her stocking feet.

Madge was hurtling headlong into scary-plastic-surgery territory a LONG time ago. That face doesn't even move anymore and the description of that ribbon procedure almost made me lose my lunch. Gross!!

Posted by: Californian11 | March 4, 2009 4:04 PM | Report abuse

Liz
Halle Berry debuts eponymous perfume

Actually, the perfume is the namesake, the actress' name is the eponym. Please correct usage.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 4, 2009 3:51 PM

===
You said "pony."

Posted by: mdreader01 | March 4, 2009 4:36 PM | Report abuse

mdreader
You said "pony."

Now I've said it three times. Thanks for the giggle; I needed that!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 4, 2009 5:27 PM | Report abuse

Condolences, Nosy on the loss of your friend. Make sure you keep checking in here, and we'll try to lift your spirits.

Posted by: hodie | March 4, 2009 5:40 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, Doc. I've still been lurking from time to time, just didn't feel much like snarking. But I'll get through it.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 4, 2009 6:00 PM | Report abuse

Did Kanye West say that his greatest disappointment is not being able to see himself perform fellatio on himself?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 5, 2009 12:07 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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