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Posted at 8:45 AM ET, 03/11/2009

Brown's Text Buddy Revealed; Katie Holmes's New Look

By Liz Kelly

Tom Cruise and a suddenly long-locked Katie Holmes greet fans at the Tokyo premiere of Cruise's film 'Valkyrie.' (Reuters)

Wednesday

Headlines: Jennifer Aniston says she'll always love ex Brad Pitt... Octo-mom admits fertility treatments were "irrational"... Jay Leno to perform free show for unemployed... Paul McCartney Vegas gig sells out in seconds... Ewan McGregor's fake Twitter account taken down... David Alan Grier's "Chocolate News" not renewed... Hulk Hogan asks court for $300,000... "Real Housewife" Alex McCord out of a job... "90210's" AnnaLynne McCord (no relation) smashes car.

Pix: Madonna, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher dress up for Kabbalah party... Julia Roberts reacts to fan art... Jude Law gets manhandled... James Franco snoozes through Columbia lecture... Paris Hilton poses on beach with new boyfriend.

Chris Brown/Rihanna Watch: Grammy night texts were reportedly from Brown's manager... Nickelodeon won't withdraw Brown from Kids' Choice nominees; Akon says he'd be happy to work with Brown; Diddy says Brown and Rihanna going through a "dark time."

Crime Watch: "Real Housewife" Kelly Killoren Bensimon denies punching boyfriend... Coolio charged with crack possession and battery.

Rumor Mill: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel planning summer wedding?... Angelina Jolie on extreme diet?... Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green back together?... Hayden Panettiere wants ex Milo Ventimiglia fired from "Heroes"... Jamie Lynn Spears working on country album.

By Liz Kelly  | March 11, 2009; 8:45 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Material Girl: Madonna's Stuff on Display and Up for Sale

Comments

I'd be more surprised if Coolio WASN'T charged with crack possession and battery.

Hayden, I want him fired, too. Then again, I want the entire cast and writers to be fired.

Please tell me Angelina's diet is extremely fat-filled. She did look really cute in her knit cap and backpack in those Salt photos, though.

Posted by: eet7e | March 11, 2009 9:05 AM | Report abuse

Coolio arrested for drug possession. Hmmmm. I often wonder if people would be better off in a time long past, say, 1942...(fade to "dream" sequence.)

Everybody Scores at Rick’s

The Scene: Rick’s Café 54, a seedy but popular place on Sunset Boulevard

The Actors:
Rick…………………Heath Ledger
Captain Renault…….Marion Barry
Sam………………….Sam
Colonel Strasser……..Tupac
Croupier……………..Hank Williams Sr.
Ugarte………………Amy Winehouse
Coolio……………….Coolio

Amy: Heath, I have scored!

Heath: So? What’s new?

Amy: No, I have Letters of Transplant. They allow you to replace 2 drug ravaged organs for the price of one. Many people would pay their lives for them. You must hide them!

Heath: Sam, please come here! (Heath places the Letters of Transplant in Sam’s Do-Rag)

Col. Tupac enters with Captain Marion. Tupac is upset that Heath is playing “Eminem.” Tupac is a “Snoop Dogg man.”

Tupac: I advise that this place be shut up at once!

Marion : But everyone is scoring—er—having such a good time. I have no excuse.

Marion eyes Coolio scoring from crack from Heath’s croupier.

Marion : I am shocked, shocked to find that errr--you know what is going on in here! This café is closed until further notice.

Hank (handing Marion a very large bag): Your stash sir. I doubled your usual number of rocks since we are closing

Marion : Oh. Thank you very much. Now, Heath, about those letters of transplants.

Heath: Marion , I think this is the beginning of a beautiful operation.

Posted by: elias_howe | March 11, 2009 9:12 AM | Report abuse

Hayden, Hayden, Hayden...don't you think it would make an excellent plot twist if the Cheerleader who couldn't die somehow was killed? 'Cause that's what's gonna happen if you start to get diva-licious. Ask Katherine Heigl.

Posted by: Chasmosaur1 | March 11, 2009 9:25 AM | Report abuse

I see Katie is still throwing together her own designs.

Posted by: petalceleb | March 11, 2009 9:39 AM | Report abuse

Oh, Angelina. No diet can- or should- rob you of your curves.

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | March 11, 2009 9:42 AM | Report abuse

I wonder if Alex McCord will attend Jay Leno's "Free to the Jobless" show.

Thanks for the Cafe 54 Flashback, Elias.

If Angelina Jolie wants to lose 21 pounds in 21 days, all she needs to do is......

Some of the titles on Jamie Lynn Spears upcoming country album include:

"You knocked me up, so I knocked you out."

"Double fun in a double wide."

"I put the *unt in country."

"You're changin' lovers while I'm changin' diapers."

"I still got all my teeth."

"This mother is too young for you."

"Crystal meth persuasion"

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 11, 2009 9:51 AM | Report abuse

Oh no sasquatch di'int!! I can hear those Nashville writers workin' on those titles now!! ROFLMAO!!

Posted by: wadejg | March 11, 2009 9:56 AM | Report abuse

Thanks Sas,

But isn't Crystal Meth Persuasion" by Tommy James and the Bongdells?

Posted by: elias_howe | March 11, 2009 9:58 AM | Report abuse

sas, shame on you for using real titles of country songs.

Hayden, go look up "Prima Donna" in your Valley-American dictionary.

The sentence about Paris Hilton is too long. It should have just said, "Paris Hilton poses."

Posted by: reddragon1 | March 11, 2009 10:01 AM | Report abuse

Holy Tumbleweave, Batman!
Apparently what Wee Tom wants these days is a younger, svelter Kristin Davis...

Posted by: KS8284 | March 11, 2009 10:02 AM | Report abuse

Julia, um, that's what you look like.

What does a sleazy costume party have to do with Purim?

And I used to take up for Jennifer Aniston, but she has got to stop talking about Brad! Just say no (comment). Courtney Cox, can we get an intervention in here? Schwimmer?

Posted by: msame | March 11, 2009 10:14 AM | Report abuse

Julia Roberts trademark guffaws are silenced as she realizes, "That's what I look like."

That does not look like James Franco asleep in class. It looks like Ethan Hawke asleep in class.

Posted by: pras40 | March 11, 2009 10:25 AM | Report abuse

Jennifer Aniston next role: star of a restraining order from Brad Pitt.


Jay Leno to perform free show for unemployed. (Or, as we call it in these parts, "adding insult to injury.")


Madonna, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher dress up for Kabbalah party. "Kabbalaween"?


If Julia Roberts hated that painting so much, maybe I should rethink sending her that fanfic I wrote.


That Jamie Lynn Spears is working on a country music album is proof that the genre of Cline, Wynette & Lynn has sunk to the same level as armpit farts.

Posted by: byoolin1 | March 11, 2009 10:40 AM | Report abuse

Note the placement of Tom's hand in the TomKat photo. If he is not actually touching Katie's breast, he is pretty darn close. I realize that Tom is anxious to dispel rumors that he's gay, but copping a feel in front of dozens of photographers shows no class. Yuck.

Posted by: newengland1 | March 11, 2009 10:42 AM | Report abuse

Are there any country music fans on here? I'm not one, but I think I would be mad if I was.

Why does every washed-up celebrity think they can make it as a Country Music Singer?

Jessica Simpson did it, Jewel did it, Hootie ditched the Blowfish and did it, and now JLS is trying it?

I'd be offended if I were a country music fan.

Posted by: VTDuffman | March 11, 2009 10:43 AM | Report abuse

Tommy James and the Bongdells?

Hey,
that's Tommy Jonez and the Bongdells.

Posted by: memphis1 | March 11, 2009 10:56 AM | Report abuse

I do not think Tom is getting frisky, newengland1, as much as he is restraining her firmly. The Kristin Davis comment is perfect, KS8284.

That photo makes me so sad. If ever there were a living example of a Stepford Wife, Katie Holmes has become it. Has she any soul left inside?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | March 11, 2009 10:59 AM | Report abuse

And if Madonna DID raid Lourdes' closet, Lourdes raided Britney's "(Hit Me) Baby, One More Time" video wardrobe first. Kinda scary, no? Madonna as Britney? What's next, the earth rotating in the other direction? Creepy.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | March 11, 2009 11:03 AM | Report abuse

What we don't see in the picture is that the fan to Tom's left is holding up a portrait of Tom that he drew on the back of the clipboard.

Paul McCartney's sold out concert will be "a night like Vegas has never seen before." I think it will be pretty hard to top the onstage drinking, lion taming, trapeeze flying, gun shooting, stage revolving, jumpsuit wearing and gun shooting, and blue body paint wearing that other performers have done on stage.

"I don't cast a judgment on anybody," Diddy said on Tuesday's Ellen DeGeneres Show. Considering his best friend in high school became a member of the Gambino crime family, I take him at his word on that.

Posted by: mdreader01 | March 11, 2009 11:05 AM | Report abuse

Thanks, Memphis. You're correct.

Also looking forward to JLS remake/cover of Debbie Boone's "You Light Up My Bong"

Posted by: elias_howe | March 11, 2009 11:16 AM | Report abuse

Great costumes, Ashton and Demi. No one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition... especially at a Purim party.

Jesus Luz dressing as the Joker (Nicholson-style) is just too ironic.

Posted by: northgs | March 11, 2009 12:24 PM | Report abuse

Saw Hootie in concert in January.

Note to all country singer wannabes: singing country music does not a country singer make.

Posted by: BraleyPJ | March 11, 2009 12:46 PM | Report abuse

I propose we hook up Kelly Killoren Bensimon with Chris Brown. Give him a little taste of his own medicine.

How can Angelina lose 21 lbs. when she only weighs like 22 lbs.? Curves? What curves? She hasn't had those in years.

Jen. For the love of god shut up about Brad already. You're just sounding pathetic. And as long as Insecure Angelina is around, you will never be friends with Brad. She won't allow it.

Guess that woman who "manhandled" Jude Law's crotch hasn't seen those full frontal photos of him, or she'd know it wasn't worth the effort.

Posted by: Californian11 | March 11, 2009 12:46 PM | Report abuse

Great costumes, Ashton and Demi. No one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition... especially at a Purim party.

Posted by: northgs | March 11, 2009 12:24 PM

I'm not a theologian so can someone help me out here? Is Purim the annual Jews for Jesus celebration?

Posted by: jes11 | March 11, 2009 12:51 PM | Report abuse

Purim is a commemoration of the party where the King of Persia gets drunk, tosses out his wife and takes up with Esther, who is Jewish, but he doesn't know it. The king partied for 6 months, but Jews just party for the evening.

Posted by: mdreader01 | March 11, 2009 1:00 PM | Report abuse

Are there any country music fans on here? I'm not one, but I think I would be mad if I was.

Why does every washed-up celebrity think they can make it as a Country Music Singer?

Jessica Simpson did it, Jewel did it, Hootie ditched the Blowfish and did it, and now JLS is trying it?

I'd be offended if I were a country music fan.

Posted by: VTDuffman

VT, I am a country music fan, and I suspect Sas is too, or he couldn't have made up titles so close to the real thing. I am not only not offended by JLS claiming she sings country, but there is actually a country song ABOUT washed-up celebrities thinking they can make it as country singers. This would not surprise you if you were a country music fac.

Posted by: reddragon1 | March 11, 2009 1:54 PM | Report abuse

Tommy Jonez and the Bongdells....

There goes the keyboard.

You Light Up My Bong.......

There goes the screen.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 11, 2009 2:22 PM | Report abuse

Wow. What kind of message is Nickelodeon sending to kids by standing by the Chris Brown nomination? It's okay to beat up women? Having said that, I don't get the calls to remove Rhianna from consideration just because she went back with him--censoring a personal choice just doesn't seem right.

Octomom irrational. Can I just get a rousing chorus of "Duh!"? (good spot for an interrobang, but I can't remember how to make one).

There are actually a few actors who are legitimate country music singers--started out more in music than acting, still do both. The delightful Christian Kane comes to mind.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | March 11, 2009 2:29 PM | Report abuse

Oh hey, just caught this on the news. I just gained a tiny modicum of respect for him:

NEW YORK – There won't be any awkward Chris Brown moment at the Kids' Choice Awards — the embattled pop star has withdrawn his name from the ballot.

Brown had been nominated for favorite male singer and favorite song for "Kiss Kiss" at the March 28 awards show on Nickelodeon. The nominations came shortly before his arrest for allegedly attacking girlfriend and fellow pop star Rihanna.

A petition had been circulated to take his name off the ballot, but Nickelodeon said yesterday he was still on. On Wednesday, Brown decided to take his name out of consideration.

In a statement, his representatives said while Brown would like to speak directly to his fans, he can't because of his criminal case.

He thanked his fans for their support.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | March 11, 2009 2:32 PM | Report abuse

More from the Jamie Lynn Spears songbook:

"Would you give up my sister for me?"

"Don't tell Mam or she'll join in."

"You Ford carries the load while my Chevy hauls @$$."

"When I wanted it doggy style, you rolled over and played dead."

"Just pretend you're his Daddy."

"DNA tests don't do no good 'round here."

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 11, 2009 2:42 PM | Report abuse

"Brown had been nominated for favorite male singer and favorite song for "Kiss Kiss" at the March 28 awards show on Nickelodeon."

Isn't the complete title "Kiss Kiss. Bang Bang"?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 11, 2009 2:45 PM | Report abuse

Are there any country music fans on here? I'm not one, but I think I would be mad if I was.

Why does every washed-up celebrity think they can make it as a Country Music Singer?

Jessica Simpson did it, Jewel did it, Hootie ditched the Blowfish and did it, and now JLS is trying it?

I'd be offended if I were a country music fan.

Posted by: VTDuffman

==========
I know. We've got from Conway Twitty to Twitter.

Posted by: mdreader01 | March 11, 2009 3:52 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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