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Posted at 11:30 AM ET, 04/22/2009

Celebrity Life Lesson No. 1,254: Terrence Howard, Escape Artist

By Liz Kelly

The resourceful Terrence Howard with 'Fighting' co-star Channing Tatum. (AP)

Listen, like the credit card commercial tag line that is etched into my brain says, life comes at you fast. The unexpected happens. We must, at all times, be prepared for eventualities -- whether they are good or bad. For instance, one might suddenly find oneself imprisoned.

Maybe you deserve the jail time. Perhaps you drove your luxury car into a curb while carrying a bag of cocaine in your pocket. Or maybe you were simply enjoying a charming cruise along the Somali coastline when you suddenly found yourself at the mercy of a band of pirates that look nothing like Johnny Depp or Keira Knightley.

The circumstances aren't important. What is important is that you know what to do when faced with an against-the-odds situation. And, thanks to actor Terrence Howard, prisons will have a hard time holding Celebritology readers.

In a recent interview Channing Tatum, who stars with Howard in the upcoming movie "Fighting," inadvertently shared Howard's surefire escape plan:

"And the more I hung out with Terrence, he would constantly talk about the craziest [expletive]. Like he told me about how there's no cell that could ever hold him because he'd make acid from his urine and his feces."

Brilliant. All this time the answer was right in front of us. Or, under us, as it were. The only thing I'd add to Terrence's list is a clothespin (for the nose) and a pair of latex gloves and, voila, you'll be a fugitive before you can say Escherichia coli.

---
You may remember Howard's practical life knowledge from his previous tip: Avoiding "unclean" women who use toilet paper instead of baby wipes.

By Liz Kelly  | April 22, 2009; 11:30 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrity Life Lessons  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Paula Abdul Says She's Never Been Drunk; Mariah Carey Named Least Green Celeb
Next: Lindsay Lohan Says Split was a Surprise; Jolie to Play Kay Scarpetta

Comments

TMI. How about just avoiding the parts where the toilet paper is used?

Posted by: yellojkt | April 22, 2009 11:42 AM | Report abuse

the more i read about terrence howard, the more and more i can't stand him. he is one of those actors that when unknown was married with 4 young children. Then he hit it big, so it was bye bye family and hello creepy "tips." these two just top me off. yuck! i'm glad he got dumped from Iron Man 2!

Posted by: y1776 | April 22, 2009 11:51 AM | Report abuse

He has some serious fecal issues.

Posted by: blahblah6b | April 22, 2009 12:01 PM | Report abuse

From Wikipedia:

In 2008, he made his Broadway debut, playing Brick in an all-African-American production of Tennessee Williams's Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, directed by Debbie Allen and also starring James Earl Jones (Big Daddy), Phylicia Rashad (Big Mama) and Anika Noni Rose (Maggie). During rehearsals he allegedly attacked and seriously injured a musical composer Tex Allen. Mr. Allen claimed to have suffered multiple injuries as a result of being being punched multiple times in the head and face and in October 2008 filed a 5 million dollar lawsuit against Howard.

Posted by: Caitlin41282 | April 22, 2009 12:31 PM | Report abuse

"he'd make acid from his urine and his feces"

And now we know what Paula Abdul is on.

Posted by: MStreet1 | April 22, 2009 12:32 PM | Report abuse

Note to self: Avoid Terrence Howard if I encounter him in a fecal position.

(The things I find myself typing....)

Question 1: Did Channing Tatum believe him?
Question 2: If urine and feces made acid, wouldn't we need to create toilets that---

(Never mind. I just can't....)

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | April 22, 2009 12:34 PM | Report abuse

During rehearsals he allegedly attacked and seriously injured a musical composer Tex Allen. Mr. Allen claimed to have suffered multiple injuries as a result of being being punched multiple times in the head and face and in October 2008 filed a 5 million dollar lawsuit against Howard.

Posted by: Caitlin41282 | April 22, 2009 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Tex Allen? Composer for a Tennessee Williams's play? Um...

It's interesting how some celebs raised as JWs mess up as adults. Howard, Michael Jackson, Sherri Shepard. Parenting is indeed a crapshoot.

Posted by: jezebel3 | April 22, 2009 12:40 PM | Report abuse

Now whenever I hear the name Terrence Howard I will also hear the theme song to the SNL sketch "MacGruber," with slight lyric changes...

(T. Howard!)
Making jailbreaking inventions out of poop and out of urine
(T. Howard!)
Got himself some toilet wipes in case he meets a lady
(T. Howard!)
Thinks he's a friggin' genius!
(T. Howard!)


There's a bunch of the original MacGruber videos at http://tinyurl.com/5opzkx

Posted by: byoolin1 | April 22, 2009 12:43 PM | Report abuse

Not to nitpick, but that's actually a Nationwide Insurance commercial tag line, not a credit card. Sorry Liz!

Posted by: sarahezinn | April 22, 2009 12:49 PM | Report abuse

You can't see me, but I'm giving byoolin a standing ovation. Brilliant!

Posted by: eet7e | April 22, 2009 12:52 PM | Report abuse

byoolin, i will have macgruber in my head the whole afternoon now. hahahaha!!

Posted by: blahblah6b | April 22, 2009 1:30 PM | Report abuse

Yeah byoolin, me too. McGruber all day long. Yesterday I was stuck on 867-5309. You're welcome, everybody. LLL

Posted by: lolyla | April 22, 2009 1:38 PM | Report abuse

Talk about being full of it...

Posted by: northgs | April 22, 2009 1:40 PM | Report abuse

Question 2: If urine and feces made acid, wouldn't we need to create toilets that---

(Never mind. I just can't....)

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | April 22, 2009 12:34 PM
--------------------------------------------
Tootsie Rollaids. Neutralizes 47 times its weight in fecal acid.


Jenny, Jenny who can I turn to
You give me something I can hold on to
I know you'll think I'm like the others before
Who saw your name and number on the wall
Jenny I've got your number
I need to make you mine
Jenny don't change your number
8 6 7-5 3 0 9 (8 6 7-5 3 0 9)
8 6 7-5 3 0 9 (8 6 7-5 3 0 9)

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | April 22, 2009 2:02 PM | Report abuse

yeah, but you would be amazed at what he can do with his boogers.

Posted by: hodie | April 22, 2009 2:03 PM | Report abuse

Howard shilling baby wipes:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005024/board/thread/124668194

Posted by: jezebel3 | April 22, 2009 2:14 PM | Report abuse

One wonders why Mr. Howard was contemplating the need to excape from jail using field expedient means, potentially successful or not. Does he plan on beating up more composers? Is he planning a spectacular crime a la Phil Spector (hey, he's a composer), OJ, Roman Polanski or Woody Allen (no, wait, he's a genius, and was never charged with anything)?

Posted by: reddragon1 | April 22, 2009 2:17 PM | Report abuse

Wow. Count me among the perviously woefully...no, make that "happily" ignorant when it comes to the off-screen persona of T.H. Not any more, I guess. Too bad. I liked him in Iron Man, have liked his performances before. Won't ever look at him the same. What a tool.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | April 22, 2009 2:34 PM | Report abuse

Maybe Howard could team up with Jacob "just take a shower to avoid AIDS" Zuma.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 22, 2009 2:37 PM | Report abuse

Now we know why he was cast as "Brick" in "Cat on A Hot Tin Roof" ....

Posted by: jezebel3 | April 22, 2009 2:40 PM | Report abuse

Now we know why he was cast as "Brick" in "Cat on A Hot Tin Roof" ....

Posted by: jezebel3 | April 22, 2009 2:40 PM | Report abuse

And he should have had a cameo in "Quills"...

Posted by: jezebel3 | April 22, 2009 2:56 PM | Report abuse

I believe him. I totally saw this on Mythbusters. What you need is a transistor radio and access to live electrical wires. You simply remove the DC capacitor from the radio and wire it to the postive and negative wires. Try to do this without electrocuting yourself. Then, take a wee onto the metal bars. Apply the electricity carefully and, if you're lucky and patient, you'll be able to corrode metal through the process of electrolysis.

This doesn't work if your cell doesn't have metal bars. Also, we're assuming that Terrence has the whole "getting past security" thing worked out, once he's sprung.

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 22, 2009 3:59 PM | Report abuse

i hope you're all aware that anything that could be used to break out of a jail cell could certainly be used to eat through the sidewall of a 747. Channing Tatum does us all a service by bringing to our collective attention the threat posed by human urine. Obviously people with kidneys should be banned from air travel.

Posted by: quintiliusvarus | April 22, 2009 4:34 PM | Report abuse

quintiliusvarus - heh.

Posted by: lolyla | April 22, 2009 5:42 PM | Report abuse

i hope you're all aware that anything that could be used to break out of a jail cell could certainly be used to eat through the sidewall of a 747. Channing Tatum does us all a service by bringing to our collective attention the threat posed by human urine. Obviously people with kidneys should be banned from air travel.

Posted by: quintiliusvarus | April 22, 2009 4:34 PM
******************************

Don't give TSA agents an idea or they might restrict bladder size to 3 ounces or less.

Posted by: MStreet1 | April 22, 2009 8:02 PM | Report abuse

MStreet
Don't give TSA agents an idea or they might restrict bladder size to 3 ounces or less.

SPLOOT!!! Outstanding, MStreet.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 23, 2009 8:42 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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