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Posted at 8:33 AM ET, 04/15/2009

Jamie Foxx Apologizes for Miley Cyrus 'Sex Tape' Quip; Lindsay Lohan's Fake Singles Ad

By Liz Kelly
Wednesday

Headlines: William Hurt apologizes for causing Marlee Matlin any pain... Jamie Foxx apologizes for suggesting Miley Cyrus make a sex tape... Michael Jackson memorabilia auction canceled... Steve-O booted from "Dancing With the Stars"... Economy could cut Britney Spears's Circus tour short... Jim Carrey plans to gain 50 pounds to play Stooge... Russell Crowe says journalists "trivialize" news... Tori Spelling says she's not anorexic, just thin and busy... Michael Vick shopping reality show concept... Removed Illinois governer Rod Blagojevich heads to reality TV... Spencer Pratt, Fran Drescher talk about political aspirations... NASA names treadmill after Stephen Colbert; Colbert plans Persian Gulf trip... Hugh Jackman makes $100,000 charity pledge on Twitter... Shia La Beouf says his injured hand will likely never fully heal... Zac Efron gets career advice from Leonardo DiCaprio... Vanessa Hudgens says she carries a taser in her purse.

Crime Watch: Kanye West's arraignment postponed in photographer scuffle case... Shawn Johnson gets permanent restraining order against alleged stalker... Bench warrant issued for court no-show Angie Everhart... David Caruso stalker jailed in Austria.

Pix & Video: Drew Barrymore's flapper chic... Robert Downey, Jr. in Russian Vogue.

Lindsay Lohan's faux eHarmony ad...

From MTV, the story behind the spoof.

Rumor Mill: One Russian woman denies she's Mel Gibson's mistress, while another says she's in a "serious" relationship with Gibson... National Enquirer claims Britney Spears set to marry real estate developer.

Say What?
"I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like O.J., cutting everybody's throat." -- Hulk Hogan, who really needs a publicist.

"I feel like a tranny a lot of the time." -- "Gossip Girl's" Blake Lively, who says she towers over most men.

By Liz Kelly  | April 15, 2009; 8:33 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Bai Ling, Crazy Cool

Comments

I wish I could say Michael Vick is barking up the wrong tree with his reality show idea, but I'll bet some network will bite. Of course, the show will be dogged by controversy, but even rabid criticism won't stop this mutt. Now, let's paws for station identification.

Posted by: byoolin1 | April 15, 2009 9:03 AM | Report abuse

Good boy, Byoo! Here's a biscuit.

Posted by: Liz Kelly | April 15, 2009 9:14 AM | Report abuse

Spencer Pratt's campaign slogan: thinks like a Republican, looks like an Aryan.


Fran Drescher's campaign slogan: Let's make America a real Nanny state.


"Hugh Jackman makes $100,000 charity pledge on Twitter..." and another ghost twitterer gets fired.


Zac Efron's career advice from Leonardo DiCaprio - "Two words: bang models."


Does anyone really want to see Drew Barrymore's flappers?


Geez, Hulk. Why don't go back to greasing up your daughter?


Weird coincidence: isn't "I feel like a tranny a lot of the time" also what Eddie Murphy said to the cop back in '97?

Posted by: byoolin1 | April 15, 2009 9:17 AM | Report abuse

Let me get this straight, Tori got thin from being busy and eating the leftovers on her kids' plates? Because when I did that, the opposite happened. Maybe I missed a step, like, oh, working out for four hours a day.

Vanessa's taser will come in handy if she meets any of those zombie paps. Or Phil Spector.

Posted by: 44west | April 15, 2009 9:56 AM | Report abuse

I like that Jamie Foxx's apology wasn't one of those mealy-mouthed "Sorry if I caused any pain" ones. I'm looking at you, Bill Hurt.

Posted by: jaybbub | April 15, 2009 10:03 AM | Report abuse

Good thing the Jacko auction was cancelled. Now I can save up for the La Toya one!

Posted by: jaybbub | April 15, 2009 10:04 AM | Report abuse

Is it wrong that I'm amused by Lindsay Lohan's Funny or Die clip?

Posted by: StuckatWork | April 15, 2009 10:13 AM | Report abuse

Vanessa's taser will come in handy if she meets any of those zombie paps. Or Phil Spector.

Posted by: 44west | April 15, 2009 9:56 AM

===============
It's a myth that zombies can be thwarted be tazers. The reality is that tazers only make them stronger. But that's ok because zombie paps would be stalking people like university professors and not Hollywood starlets because everybody knows that ZOMBIES FEED ON BRAINS!

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 15, 2009 10:24 AM | Report abuse

I'm not sure Vanessa Hudgens is so all that that she needs to carry a Taser. On the other hand if Shawn Johnson, the Romper Room Contingent of DWTS (and I mean that in the nicest possible way) can attract stalkers, maybe she does.

Maybe Vick and Blago can share a reality show. Maybe narrated by Hulk Hogan, who needs a brain more than he needs a publicist. At some point, he needs to know he's not rasslin' any more.

Is Mel Gibson having an affair with the entire country of Russia?

Posted by: reddragon1 | April 15, 2009 10:25 AM | Report abuse

"The Vick reality marketplace appears to be larger than that of another tabloid figure seeking a reality-show bailout: Nadya "Octomom" Suleman, who despite headlines suggesting otherwise, has struggled to find a cable network willing to adopt her as part of its programing family."

I dunno...I think there's potential in seeing the two of them hook up. Wouldn't you love seeing Michael Vick change eight sets of diapers, while Nadya Suleman starts her dog grooming business?

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 15, 2009 10:31 AM | Report abuse

Blagojevich headed to reality TV, because he clearly needs to reconnect with the real world.

Didn't read the article, but what's Vick's reality TV show about? What life's like behind bars when the world thinks you're a lowlife animal abuser?

Jamie Foxx, way to man up. William Hurt, grow a pair and follow suit.

Pratt - what a perfect name for a politician.

Blake Lively is actually a pretty good name for a tranny.

Posted by: northgs | April 15, 2009 10:39 AM | Report abuse

ZOMBIES FEED ON BRAINS!


Posted by: mdreader01 | April 15, 2009 10:24 AM | Report abuse

But what to vegan zombies feed on? Grains! Haaaahahaha. I kill me.

What other tricks can we get byool to do? I wonder what B.O. will do with little Bo when he invites Michael Vick to the White House (because you know it's going to happen).

I heard Spencer and Heidi on Eliot in the Morning this morning. Having never seen the Hills, can someone tell my why these people are important or relevant? Geez louise. I need eardrum bleach.

And the Blake Lively quote brings the SNL skit from a few months back come full circle.

Posted by: eet7e | April 15, 2009 10:41 AM | Report abuse

"Jim Carrey plans to gain 50 pounds to play Stooge" -- DeNiro won the Oscar after gaining weight for a role, Hanks didn't. Jim Carrey, you are no DeNiro.

"David Caruso stalker jailed in Austria" -- Is this a different person from the girlfriend who's suing him? So hard to keep both his fans straight.

"Economy could cut Britney Spears's Circus tour short" -- whatsamatta, Brit, finding Cristal shortages out on the road? Hair extensions too pricey?

Last, seeing the names Mel Gibson and Britney Spears together in the Rumor Mill calls to mind their meeting not so long ago. At the time, we wondered what they'd have to talk about. Now we know. She was giving him divorce advice:

MEL: "Brit, I'm so afraid of being taken to the cleaners here. Robyn is so mad at me. I just feel like crawling in a hole with a pint of Chunky Monkey and watching Lethal Weapon and hope the whole thing goes away."

BRITNEY: "Wake up and smell the Starbucks, Mad Max! Have your legal team review that prenup with a fine-toothed comb -- of course for a while there after I shaved my head I didn't need a comb at all, but I digress -- next up is the PR strategy; get your publicists started on some clear sound bites to manage the inevitable media coverage. Now is the time to bring your A-game to the table. There are no second chances with the press. . . ."

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | April 15, 2009 10:57 AM | Report abuse

The problem with pretty girls carrying tasers is that their effectiveness can often be circumvented with a few words.

"Does this smell like choloroform to you?" for example.

Posted by: byoolin1 | April 15, 2009 11:03 AM | Report abuse

Although "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" seems to work better.

Posted by: byoolin1 | April 15, 2009 11:05 AM | Report abuse

ZOMBIES FEED ON BRAINS!


Posted by: mdreader01 | April 15, 2009 10:24 AM | Report abuse

But what to vegan zombies feed on? Grains! Haaaahahaha. I kill me.

Posted by: eet7e | April 15, 2009 10:41 AM
========
AHA! But what do vegan zombies with Celiac disease eat?

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 15, 2009 11:05 AM | Report abuse

The snark is so good this morning, I have nothing to offer except a coffee-splattered monitor....

Posted by: memphis1 | April 15, 2009 11:08 AM | Report abuse

"My own recollection is that we both apologized and both did a great deal to heal our lives," Hurt said. "Of course, I did and do apologize for any pain I caused. And I know we have both grown." -Bill (Boom Boom) Hurt, welterweight.

Oh, so I'm to assume that Bill Hurt (what an aptonym...) is being magnanomous for not mentioning all the bruises and battering he received from Marlee?

Or perhaps he though it acceptable at the time to give her a whack just for being immature?

Would he ever had appologized had she not written her book?

And just how does he know he's grown?

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 15, 2009 11:12 AM | Report abuse

"Shawn [Johnson]'s parents appeared in court today at the L.A. County Superior Court, where a judge ordered Robert O'Ryan to stay at least 100 yards away from the Olympic gymnast and her parents for the next 3 years.

Does his being the victim of a stalker qualify Shawn as a "celebrity"? I had to read that story three times before I caught the words "Olympic gymnast" and figured out who he was.

I want to know how the legal system came up with the exact distance -- 100 yards. Had this been Michael Phelps' stalker, would the judge have ordered O'Ryan to stay at least "two pool lengths" away?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | April 15, 2009 11:37 AM | Report abuse

This morning I cannot match the wisdom or creativity of byoolin or td_in_baltimore or anyone else for that matter, so I'll just go with mean:

Tori Spelling isn't anorexic. She's just ugly and untalented.

There. I feel better now.

Posted by: BMore_Cat_Lover1 | April 15, 2009 11:40 AM | Report abuse


AHA! But what do vegan zombies with Celiac disease eat?

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 15, 2009 11:05 AM

According to the comments from a week or so ago, vegan zombies eat brussels sprouts.

What, no Bo Obama stories? Surely the dog has farted by now. :p


Posted by: trichobezoar | April 15, 2009 11:45 AM | Report abuse

td - Shawn is a she not a he. She's on Dancing with the Stars which is why she's in Celebritology.

Posted by: Vienna8425 | April 15, 2009 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Speaking of vegan zombies, I suggest you consult the book "Breathers."

There's a vegan zombie character & believe it or not...don't tell the other "breathers" (the zombie name for us living & breathing folk) but...he eats humans too. And not just brains, any old part'll do.

Posted by: wadejg | April 15, 2009 11:59 AM | Report abuse

What life's like behind bars when the world thinks you're a lowlife animal abuser
***
small correction: when the world KNOWS you're an animal abuser. cannot believe anyone would give this crumbum one cent for anything, but never underestimate the slimeballness of television executives.
***
shia la beouf's hand won't ever heal? good, a constant reminder of his stupidity. next.
***
i agree w/russell crowe's characterization of the news being trivialized. see vick comments above.

Posted by: frieda406 | April 15, 2009 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Is it wrong that I'm amused by Lindsay Lohan's Funny or Die clip
***
no, just about everything onf funny or die is...........funny. remember pearl the landlord?

Posted by: frieda406 | April 15, 2009 12:04 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, Vienna8425. Clearly I missed the two instances of "her" in that stellar TMZ copy, which oddly didn't mention DWTS at all.

And BMore_Cat_Lover1, sometimes direct is best, thus the brilliance of "Tori Spelling isn't anorexic. She's just ugly and untalented." No argument here.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | April 15, 2009 12:04 PM | Report abuse

You're welcome td. I read the "article" after I posted. Glad to see TMZ staying on top of things. Mentioning DWS would seem relevant since I think that is how the stalking started.

Posted by: Vienna8425 | April 15, 2009 12:51 PM | Report abuse

I think "William Hurt apologizes" is a bit of a stretch. His non-apology was, to put it mildly, noncommittal.

Rod Blago ... ? Boy, Reality TV will take ANYONE.

Yeah, OK, Tori. That's your story and you're sticking to it, huh. If being busy was all it took to be thin, we wouldn't have an epidemic of obesity in this country.

Posted by: Californian11 | April 15, 2009 1:04 PM | Report abuse

All this time I thought vegan zombies ate vegans....

Posted by: hodie | April 15, 2009 1:19 PM | Report abuse

You know I have some undead celery in the bottom of my crisper that I'm sure has been there since Thanksgiving, do you think the vegan zombies would like that?

Posted by: hodie | April 15, 2009 1:21 PM | Report abuse

Outstanding snark this morning! Too many good ones to cite them all! Thanks for making tax day in america amusing for once!

*****

"David Caruso stalker jailed in Austria" -- Is this a different person from the girlfriend who's suing him? So hard to keep both his fans straight.

td, the new keyboard from the lizard computer parts depot is on your ticket -- that was lovely, subtle, with just the right amount of afterbite.

hodie, Undead Celery sounds like a great name for a rock band.

William Hurt has always given me the heebie jeebies, and now I know why. And I agree that mealy-mouthed apology was probably best left unsaid--either man up or don't comment.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | April 15, 2009 1:55 PM | Report abuse

Hey, everybody! Grover Norquist is on a Live Post discussion right now, talking about his organization's tea parties. I'm heading over there now to ask Grover whom he intends to teabag.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | April 15, 2009 2:09 PM | Report abuse

William Hurt is no prize. He also done his first wife wrong (actress Mary Beth).

Meet you at the tea-party, Sas.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 15, 2009 2:20 PM | Report abuse

Blake Lively is actually a pretty good name for a tranny.

Posted by: northgs |
-----------------------------------------
Is Blake Lively an automatic or a manual tranny? How many speeds does she have? Does she have overdrive? How about shifter paddles? Is Blake as Smooth as she is Lively?

If ee cummings were still around, I'd issue a William Hurt-style apology.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | April 15, 2009 3:01 PM | Report abuse

Sas, it looks like Norquist didn't take questions from either of us. Did you read his answers? Insults instead of reason, dismal writing and speeling. Sheesh, what a daneclark.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 15, 2009 3:19 PM | Report abuse

uh, spelling. Obviously need caffeine. Sas, should one oppose the tea-party by drinking more tea today, or less? Does it help if I compost my teabags afterwards? This is so confusing.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 15, 2009 3:22 PM | Report abuse

Nosy, he didn't answer my question either, which is of course why they chose to call this protest "teabagging" without a hint of irony. Rachel Maddow has been having a lot of fun with this.

Posted by: milesdy | April 15, 2009 3:30 PM | Report abuse

milesdy, I think irony is utterly lost on Norquist (especially considering that he's named after a Muppet).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 15, 2009 3:36 PM | Report abuse

Blake Lively is actually a pretty good name for a tranny.

Posted by: northgs |
-----------------------------------------
Is Blake Lively an automatic or a manual tranny? How many speeds does she have? Does she have overdrive? How about shifter paddles? Is Blake as Smooth as she is Lively?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | April 15, 2009 3:01 PM | Report abuse

And can slipping be fixed by changing tranny fluid? How about grinding? If the tranny needs major work, is it more economical just to buy a new vehicle?

Posted by: northgs | April 15, 2009 4:27 PM | Report abuse

Insults instead of reason, dismal writing and speeling. Sheesh, what a daneclark.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 15, 2009 3:19 PM
===========
I hate Grover's speeling, too, but mostly, I think he's a danecook who's full of celinedion.

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 15, 2009 4:44 PM | Report abuse

Clearly, William Hurt went to the Morrisey School for Issuing Appologies.

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 15, 2009 4:46 PM | Report abuse

I asked Grover if he had lately heard from his friend, Jack Abramoff. I also asked him if he thought he had sufficient resources to teabag the White House. I asked him if he regretted all the money that was spent changing the name of National Airport. And I asked whether he supported SecDef Gates' decision to slash bloated DoD procurement budgets by cancelling future weapons.

I went 0 for 4.

For an even better treatment of teabagging, see
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=220573&title=IndigNation!-Populist-Uprising-%2709---The-Enragening

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | April 15, 2009 5:21 PM | Report abuse

Imagine if, for one day, Grover Norquist and Grover Monster had to trade places... and Grover Norquist would have to sing this little song:

Saw a monster in the mirror when I woke up today
A monster in my mirror but I did not run away
I did not shed a tear or hide beneath my bed
Though the monster looked at me and this is what he said:

He said "Wubba wubba wubba wubba woo woo woo"
Wubba wubba wubba and a doodly do
He sang "Wubba wubba wubba" so I sang it too
Do not wubba me or I will wubba you
Do not wubba me or I will wubba you

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 15, 2009 5:41 PM | Report abuse

For another hilarious use of Muppet Moments, see:

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=223909&title=the-buc-stops-here

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | April 15, 2009 6:02 PM | Report abuse

I thought it was funny that Billy Ray Cyrus says he's furious by these statements. Because, he didn't seem mad that his 15 year old daughter was having a relationship with a 20-year-old guy. Or that she took sexually suggestive photos when she was 15. I guess if you're making millions exploiting your kid, it's different.

Posted by: TheDiplomat | April 16, 2009 10:41 AM | Report abuse

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