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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 04/29/2009

Product Testing: Lindsay Lohan's Sevin Nyne Spray Tanner

By Liz Kelly

Lindsay Lohan, looking for tan-gible profits. (Getty Images)

I'm pasty white, freckled and tend to redden in the sun rather than tan. Add in the fact that I am dangerously gullible and you'll understand why it was inevitable that I would fall prey to Lindsay Lohan, embattled bi-curious erstwhile teen star and, of late, peddler of Sevin Nyne Tanning Mist -- which offered the promise of a "luscious" tan within hours of application.

So pushing aside my innate fear of unpronounceable chemical compounds, I concentrated on the upbeat "Cherish Your Skin" tagline and reassuring messages of indefatigable product testing. From the packaging:

"Developed for more than three years by fashion icon Lindsay Lohan and celebrity airbrush tanner Lorit Simon, Sevin Nyne provides a luscious, golden tan while nourishing skin with a powerful anti-oxidant goji berry and moisturizing chardonnay extracts."

Chardonnay extracts? Sure, why not. Who was I to say that box wine isn't the fountain of youth or that a woman who spent at least some of the last three years in jail and/or rehab couldn't secretly be a chemist? I was ready to "feel sexy and red carpet ready." So after a quick exfoliation and a check to make sure all small house pets were banished from the bathroom, I began my Sevin Nyne adventure.

Mere seconds into the process I was repulsed by the mist's orange-y coloring, obviously designed to give you -- and your bathroom floor and throw rugs -- some immediate color while the more mysterious and slow-moving chardonnay extracts are chemically altering your skin's color. As soon as I mentally adjusted to my now rust-streaked legs, I was hit by an overwhelming odor -- the best description I can muster is a smell akin to a tanker truck full of toxic sludge crashing into a pyramid of coconuts. The smell was so strong that it roused my husband from the couch -- on a different floor -- to ask if I was cooking up a batch of coconut-flavored meth in the bathroom.

Nevermind. I was going to be tan. Or tannish. I could deal with a little temporary stank. Or could I? Apparently not. I last about seven (or was it nine?) minutes before deciding that I'd rather be pasty than sticky and coco-toxic.

And so, less than 30 minutes after beginning my Lohan tanning adventure, I was freshly showered (again) and possessed of a new appreciation for my cadaverously pale legs. My bathroom throw rug, however, is now rocking a savage tan.

The verdict: Save your money for sunscreen.

By Liz Kelly  | April 29, 2009; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrity Products  
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Next: Sean Penn Files for Separation; Christina Applegate Tops People's Most Beautiful


Ms. Liz, do you mean to tell us you have no photographic evidence of this experiment? How can we be sure that it was really you trying this and not, say, Jen Chaney or Producer Paul?

I used neutrogena fake tan once in order to hide my tan lines in preparation for my high school senior picture. The lines remained stark white, but the drip line on my leg was a very nice deep brown.

Posted by: eet7e | April 29, 2009 11:07 AM | Report abuse

No photographic evidence because I didn't leave the stuff on long enough to do any damage (I hope).

But I may just offer my bottle of Sevin Nyne as a prize during tomorrow's chat.

Posted by: Liz Kelly | April 29, 2009 11:09 AM | Report abuse

Dear Madame Liz:
You win the Internet.
Sincerely, Bawlmer (who is choking back moist snorts of laughter)

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | April 29, 2009 11:20 AM | Report abuse

As a fellow white, freckled and tend to redden in the sun rather than tan person, I agree with your conclusions, Liz. I did get a giggle thinking of Andy's paws with a spray-tan and LiLo as a "fashion icon". Heh.

Posted by: Californian11 | April 29, 2009 11:28 AM | Report abuse

Oh Liz, you are gullible! Didn't all thoughs pics of Lilo sporting an oompa-loompa orange glow not warn you that this stuff could be dangerous. Glad you came to your senses.
Don't worry about being tan. Think of how beautiful Nicole Kidman's and Anne Hathaway's complexions are. I have the same "problem" myself. You just need new PR. You have a porcelain, not pasty, complexion!

Posted by: hodie | April 29, 2009 11:32 AM | Report abuse

Dear Original Liz,
Rock the paleness! A little loofah, a little lotion and those pasty legs are goddess-like stems.
the other pale, Irish Liz
Somebody must have pointed out by now that Sevin is the name of a poison, right? An insecticide for the yard? Bane of organic gardeners?

Posted by: otherliz | April 29, 2009 11:33 AM | Report abuse

Brave, brave Liz! Hilarious post. I salute you. (Besides, whatever happened to QT? Does Coppertone still make it?)

Can you product-test the Big City Slider Station next? My kids are bugging me to get one but I am trying to resist the Billy Mays hypnosis and need reinforcements.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | April 29, 2009 11:34 AM | Report abuse

oh P.S., I used to tell my sun-worshiping/tanning bed enthusiast patients that there is no such thing as a "safe tan". I'm sure that also applies to self-tanners and all the noxious chemicals that are in them. If they don't do you physical harm, you'll still be sick when you see what color you turn.

Posted by: hodie | April 29, 2009 11:35 AM | Report abuse

Maybe this is is the secret ingredient that causes the stench and the OompaLoompa glow:

Posted by: memphis1 | April 29, 2009 11:38 AM | Report abuse

Excuse me if I posted twice:

The secret ingredient, likely responsible for both the stench and the OompaLoompa glow!

Posted by: memphis1 | April 29, 2009 11:39 AM | Report abuse

I thought Pop Tarts browned in the toaster.

Posted by: kabuki3 | April 29, 2009 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Ahhh Liz, you take one for the team in the name of journalism. I salute you.

Posted by: Osteph | April 29, 2009 12:46 PM | Report abuse

Ah Liz, I fear you had 0 prior experience with self-tanner. All of them have an odor, that's why you apply on a night in and also in a well ventilated room. Beginners mistake. You'll be a golden pro in no time.

Posted by: ideallydc | April 29, 2009 1:17 PM | Report abuse

Liz, she spray tans so we don't have to. That is why she is our Queen.

Tanning just ages your skin. With Lindsey's lifestyle (jeans with coke in them is a fashion statement?) and that spray on tan, she will look 60 in no time.

Posted by: epjd | April 29, 2009 1:36 PM | Report abuse

I said this weeks ago when you posted Linday's promotional announcement about her Sevin-Nyne spray tanner. Who names a product after a brand name associated with 1-napthyl methylcarbamate insecticide?

I'm suprised she doesn't have a lawsuit from Union Carbide sitting on her desk right now.

But what I love best about the promotional material is this following statement:

The chemical-free Sevin Nyne has DHA as the active ingredient, with caramel, Chardonnay extracts, gogi berry and a sugar-coconut base as other elements.

-Dihydroxyacetone (DHA): Darkens skintone.
-Ordenone: Reduces DHA scent.
-Caramel: Provides instant, natural color.
-Goji Berry Extract: Provides antioxidant benefits.

Wait...DHA is not a chemical? Then what is the Wikipedia doing saying, "DHA is a triose carbohydrate chemical formula C3H6O3?"

It is a natural chemical, but a chemical nonetheless.

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 29, 2009 1:55 PM | Report abuse

I think the chardonnay extracts must be so you get a little (or a lot) drunk and don't care so much about the orange streaks on your legs. Or you wine-goggle and think they look good.

Posted by: akmitc | April 29, 2009 2:02 PM | Report abuse

"coco-meth"... so brillz, Ms. Liz. I'm with bawlmer.. you win the Internet today. I had to cover my loud laugh with my hand. Thank you so much for subjecting yourself to this tanning experiment so I could enjoy your humorous account and always wit-fully good writing.

Posted by: sfarchivist | April 29, 2009 2:05 PM | Report abuse

too old for Tan Liz?

review from Instyle

Tip from official website

Posted by: Johndg1 | April 29, 2009 2:06 PM | Report abuse

I apparently share a perspective with Mister Liz: freckly red heads are SMOKIN' HOT.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | April 29, 2009 2:33 PM | Report abuse

Liz, hilarious!

"Chardonnay extracts," huh? Well, alcohol *is* a solvent. But moisturizing? Hmmmm. Lubricating, definitely.

Posted by: northgs | April 29, 2009 2:45 PM | Report abuse

I can't wait until you are contacted by Sevin Nyne's publicist telling you how you misunderstood the quirky self-tanning product.

Posted by: MStreet1 | April 29, 2009 2:54 PM | Report abuse

Interesting factoid: Mary, Queen of Scots, was reported to be the beauty of her time, used the most expensive white wine just to wash her face. Maybe there is something to those Chardonnay extracts.

Posted by: hodie | April 29, 2009 2:59 PM | Report abuse

i just noticed in that picture, the dress makes it look as if she's carrying around some kind of insect on her back.....

Posted by: memphis1 | April 29, 2009 3:32 PM | Report abuse

And her Elizabeth was red-headed and freckled too!

Posted by: Yoki | April 29, 2009 3:35 PM | Report abuse

"It is a natural chemical, but a chemical nonetheless."

Technically, everything is "A Chemical."

Posted by: VTDuffman | April 29, 2009 3:39 PM | Report abuse

"It is a natural chemical, but a chemical nonetheless."

Technically, everything is "A Chemical."

Posted by: VTDuffman | April 29, 2009 3:39 PM
Shhh! Don't tell Lindsay!

Posted by: mdreader01 | April 29, 2009 4:22 PM | Report abuse

Newsflash: Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn file for separation - AGAIN. Guess he really did mean to leave her out of his Oscar speech. My favorite part, he is asking for joint custody of their son- 18. Who is his lawyer? 18 year olds aren't subject to custody, unless there is a disability which I have never heard about this kid.

Posted by: epjd | April 29, 2009 6:35 PM | Report abuse

I had to recommend this product. It's called Lasting Envy. It smells like coconut and summer days. The color is a beautiful brown, and not orange like described above.

As for the bathroom floor, you should definitely use this product in the shower area and then just use a big cup to rinse off the walls. That's what I have been doing for years. Works like a charm. Check it out if you want at under the Tanning Products link.

Posted by: envytan | April 29, 2009 6:57 PM | Report abuse

I apparently share a perspective with Mister Liz: freckly red heads are SMOKIN' HOT.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | April 29, 2009 2:33 PM | Report abuse

Thank you!

Posted by: jezebel3 | April 30, 2009 8:15 AM | Report abuse

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