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Posted at 7:42 AM ET, 05/ 8/2009

Paula Abdul Denies Admitting Drug Addiction; Armstrong Blames Crowe's Biological Clock for Split

By Liz Kelly

Headlines: Paula Abdul says magazine fabricated drug addiction story... Lance Armstrong blames Sheryl Crow's "biological clock" for breakup... Most moms would trust Ellen DeGeneres with their kids... No more children for Octomom after weekend operation... Oprah snags Susan Boyle and Simon Cowell... Oprah offer causes pandemonium at KFC... Liam Neeson pays tribute to Natasha Richardson... New book details how Patrick Swayze handled cancer diagnosis... Charlize Theron takes up gay marriage cause... Jennifer Hudson gives fiance 5-carat engagement ring... Jennifer Aniston says she's now close to once-estranged mother... Mary Stuart Masterson expecting first child.

Crime Watch: Kiefer Sutherland surrenders to police, charged with assault... Judge dismisses Roman Polanski's bid to throw out sex case... Chris Brown's lawyers say leaked Rihanna photo tainted jury pool.

Video: Taylor Momsen's band plays New York (some NSFW language)... Nicole Kidman's bizarre new Indian-themed French Schweppes ad:

Rumor Mill: Despite rumors that she's losing her battle with cancer, Farrah Fawcett's publicist says she's stable... Mom allegedly accused Miss California Carrie Prejean's father of being gay in divorce docs... Anne Hathaway and scam artist ex lived in $37K a month apartment... Daisy De La Hoya not treated for drug overdose, says rep.

Say What?
"It's real love. And we will be married forever and ever and ever!" -- Heidi Montag, who may be confusing reality TV with reality.

By Liz Kelly  | May 8, 2009; 7:42 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Sheryl Crow's reaction to Lance Armstrong's claim: "What is he, nut?"

"New book details how Patrick Swayze handled cancer diagnosis... " For those of you who can't be bothered to read it, I can tell you how it ends.

Posted by: byoolin1 | May 8, 2009 8:13 AM | Report abuse

I'm starting to feel sorry for Miss California.

Also, I probably should have waited to read Celebritology until after I'd had my morning caffeine drip, but I saw the story about Anne Hathaway and thought it was about Anne Heche. Now that would have been a story.

Posted by: StuckatWork | May 8, 2009 8:30 AM | Report abuse

There is no feeling sorry for miss california... it's all about the attention for her.

As for Lance - you know, any number of fellow Austinites who've had the pleasure(?) of spending time with him could tell you he's not a very good guy. At the time of his and Crowe's brand bridging all it said to me was Crowe must be as self absorbed and mercenary as he is. This commentary doesnt surprise me at all.

Posted by: quintiliusvarus | May 8, 2009 9:20 AM | Report abuse

I thought the Nicole Kidman commercial was a little strange, but still very elegant; right up to the point where she jugs the Schweppes directly from the bottle. Now I know why she closes the door first.

Posted by: BraleyPJ | May 8, 2009 9:20 AM | Report abuse

Sheryl Crow's reaction to Lance Armstrong's claim: "What is he, nut?" -by byoolin.

Bwahahahaha! Thanks for making my morning!!

Octomom is getting a hysterectomy! Hooray!!! She has named a nice Christian couple to take the 14 kids in case "something happens". mmmmmmmm?

Oprah causes pandemonium at KFC. What did she do , order 100 buckets of extra crispy to go?

gagging on Heincer comment.....please someone, get me a drink.

Posted by: hodie | May 8, 2009 9:49 AM | Report abuse

Octomom is getting a hysterectomy! Hooray!!!

Anyone else worried that she'll become a child-collector now? Her psychological problems seem unlikely to disappear along with her uterus. (And, not that it's any of our business, but couldn't she just have gotten her tubes tied? Oh, I forgot, Octomom never does anything by halves).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | May 8, 2009 9:53 AM | Report abuse

Nosy, I'm not worried about anyone giving Octomom kids. To adopt, one must pass a psychological eval and there is no one who can say she is completely sane. There is too much question about her ability to parent. Won't be an issue.

Posted by: hodie | May 8, 2009 9:58 AM | Report abuse

I think the real question here is whether Octomom would trust Ellen Degeneres with her kids. Miss Silicone California clearly would not, although since Ellen doesn't have a mustache, maybe she's in the clear. By the by, Miss S. CA's parents have really upped the ante in the Parent of the Year competition. Dina Lohan had better sleep with one eye open.

Posted by: ASinMoCo | May 8, 2009 10:08 AM | Report abuse

Byoolin, you crack me up.

About the Schweppes/Nicole Kidman ad...if you tilt your head and squint, maybe it's not all that confusing. She's wearing all white. Maybe she's dead, and has come back. For the child? For the man? No, for the soda. In the crowd scene, only the child sees her. They hold hands (the only touching in the ad), but then she lets her go. Next she appears to be going back for the man, but is coming back for the soda instead. "What did you expect?"

The problem with my theory is that white is the clothing color for 1/the deceased if a man, 2/the deceased if a widow, or 3/the very close family of the deceased. She should be in yellow or red.

But I could be wrong.

Posted by: LostInThought | May 8, 2009 10:13 AM | Report abuse

"Farrah Fawcett's publicist says she's stable..."

Paula Abdul, I believe we've found your new publicist.

"'It's real love. And we will be married forever and ever and ever!' -- Heidi Montag"

I think we've found the mother of a future Miss California.

Posted by: mdreader01 | May 8, 2009 10:14 AM | Report abuse

mdreader-that is, unless we start seeking donations for the Heidi Montag Hysterectomy Fund now. I'll kick in $20.

Posted by: ASinMoCo | May 8, 2009 10:24 AM | Report abuse

here, maybe it will be your help:

Posted by: nowgoal | May 8, 2009 10:29 AM | Report abuse

Octomom should have had this operation about 6 kids ago. Also, can that nice Christian couple just take the kids anyway, even if Octomom comes through just fine?

Paula Abdul was stoned when she admitted the addiction so she doesn't remember making it.

Can Heidi Montag go away NOW? Please.

Posted by: epjd | May 8, 2009 10:43 AM | Report abuse

I think Lance she keep his lips zipped, and well, everything else zipped too.

Did anyone else hear that Kiefer head butted the guy while protecting Brook Shields? I heard it on the news last night.

Posted by: supersonic1 | May 8, 2009 11:02 AM | Report abuse

Kiefer and Brooke? Do we call them Briefer?

qv, My image of Cheryl Crowe is shattered. OK, maybe not shattered but cracked a little. Or chipped.

Someone should remind Farrah's publicist that dead people are stable.

Dredging up alleged dirt from Cali-FOHN-ia divorce decrees is news?

So Daisy de la Hoya's drug o/d was NOT treated...

Come home, Roman, Phil Spector is warming up your cot in San Quentin.

Posted by: reddragon1 | May 8, 2009 11:22 AM | Report abuse

Is there a Lizard Island award banquet for Comments of the Year? And the winner is Byoolin's "What, is he nut?" (I don't care if it's just May, not sure that one can be topped.) But on to commentary:

Re the LHJ article on Paula, I can guarantee you that her interview was taped. And it's hard to believe that you can take long detailed quotes "out of context." Maybe Paula will somehow prove her case, but in the end, who really cares? Based on a few videos that surfaced, if she's never been drunk and never abused painkillers, etc., she must have had a few mild strokes.

Posted by: rashibama | May 8, 2009 11:37 AM | Report abuse

rashibama-I second your nomination of "what is he, nut?". It it a darn good thing I wasn't drinking when I read that, because my computer would have been destroyed.

Posted by: ASinMoCo | May 8, 2009 11:49 AM | Report abuse

I don't think Lance had a problem w/ Sheryl's clock. I think he had a problem with her not being 25. Too bad HIS junk didn't run out of batteries (or, ahem, battery).
HA-HA. La prossima settimana Lance e finito!! Viva Il Giro! Viva Christian Van der Velde! Forza Ragazzo!

Posted by: possum_pouch | May 8, 2009 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Possum, will Lizard Island's very own bike messenger, Lizuarte Martins, be riding in Il Giro?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | May 8, 2009 12:13 PM | Report abuse

Considering the large amount of cash I'm sure Nicole Kidman received for that commercial, you think she could have learned to say her one and only line of dialogue in French.

Posted by: buffysummers | May 8, 2009 12:13 PM | Report abuse

Lance has always been a jerk. Good luck to his current girlfriend!

"Suleman said doctors are requiring her to have the operation after they found benign fibroids growing in her uterus." - I would bet that she would not being doing any kind of permanent birth control of her own free will. Woman is crazy!!

I think Kiefer has been playing Jack for to long. Maybe he thinks 24 is reality TV.

Posted by: Vienna8425 | May 8, 2009 12:14 PM | Report abuse

I also nearly did a spit-take at byoo's Lance Armstrong comment. Wow.

And Heidi Montag's quote is, when I read it, I get this image of her in a room filled with pink unicorns and fairies, wrapped in a straitjacket and singing "For ever and ever and eeeevvveeerrrrrr..." to herself.

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | May 8, 2009 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Liz, Last hour, Chris "The Fix" Cilizza mentioned on the Post Politics online chat that both Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton (Coach Eric and Principal Tami Taylor on "Friday Night Lights") will be at tomorrow night's White House Correspondents Dinner. Can you be sure to snag interviews with them both? Thanks.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | May 8, 2009 12:42 PM | Report abuse

I can't stand Lance Armstrong. Whatever the total opposite of a gentleman is -- that's Lance.

Lovin' the comments, starting with our esteemed byoolin, on him. LMAO.

Also, how sexist that article was about Sheryl Crow. "Still unmarried"? Hello, Victorian ...

"To adopt, one must pass a psychological eval and there is no one who can say she is completely sane" -- how on earth has Angelina Jolie been able to adopt?

Posted by: Californian11 | May 8, 2009 12:51 PM | Report abuse

Man, I need to check these comments more often - imagine a life without that byoolinism. (pause to dry teary eyes...)

Lance Armstrong, you so classy. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that his girlfriend's baby flunks a paternity test.

Posted by: trichobezoar | May 8, 2009 1:05 PM | Report abuse

Look guys, Lance Armstrong has been off his nut for some time now.

I would write that it's time for Lance to eat Crowe..........but that would be wrong.

Dear Heidi Montag, "Forever and ever" is a unit of time used by celebrities to forecast the length of their current romantic relationship. Cosmological investigation has revealed that "Forever and ever" is ever-so-slightly longer than the East Coast measure of time, the "New York Minute."

I wonder if the police will waterboard Kiefer Sutherland. I wouldn't. There are easier ways to make Kiefer Sutherland do what you wish: refuse to serve him alcohol and make him keep his pants on.

Nicole Kidman, come here, sit down beside me, and I'll tell you what I expect.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | May 8, 2009 1:07 PM | Report abuse

To adopt, one must pass a psychological eval and there is no one who can say she is completely sane" -- how on earth has Angelina Jolie been able to adopt?

Posted by: Californian11 | May 8, 2009 12:51 PM | Report abuse

My bet, $$$$$$. Another reason we don't have to fear that CCV will become a kid collector.

Posted by: hodie | May 8, 2009 1:36 PM | Report abuse

hodie, Some parents were eager to p!mp out their kids to Michael Jackson, so you can figure some whackadoodle(s) would be glad to let CCV adopt their spawn.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | May 8, 2009 2:19 PM | Report abuse

yellojkt, was this your question on Pookie's chat just now?

Big Bang: The Big Bang is one show that consistently makes me laugh out loud - literally, not in that meaningless "lol" way. I hear they're going to explore a relationship angle between Sheldon and Penny. This has the potential to be the best odd-couple romance since Sam and Diane; but it also could be the worst pairing since Hot Lips Houlihan and Hawkeye from MASH. I don't think the writers will have any opportunity to explore a will-they or won't they angle, since Sheldon clearly has anything other than sex on his mind. His idea of pornography is probably a fully-outfitted picture of Uhuru or Captain Janeway (Kate Mulgrew) on the wall in his bedroom.

They're not cancelling this show too, are they?

Lisa de Moraes: Golly no -- (took me forever to find the question here, sorry)> But I'm hoping that rumor is just someone's nasty idea of a joke.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | May 8, 2009 2:22 PM | Report abuse

Michael probably also had money at that time anyway. Octomom also does not have any "star" power other than her CCV notoriety. Let's hope that there isn't any one that crazy to entrust their children to her.

Posted by: hodie | May 8, 2009 2:32 PM | Report abuse

Hey, Lance Armstrong, if saying that about Sheryl Crow makes you happy, then why the h*ll are you so sad? What a smug doof. Ick. Nast.

Busy day for Oprah -- she not only snags Susan Boyle and Simon Cowell but she causes pandemonium at KFC. Forgive me for saying this, but all three of them should turn down any offers for fried chicken.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | May 8, 2009 2:45 PM | Report abuse

Hmm....byoolinism, I think we have another dictionary entry (unless it's already there). Glad to see we still comment in other languages.

Now that I've finally graduated Basic, I will be able to comment more freely.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | May 8, 2009 2:48 PM | Report abuse

Did Oprah throw Simon Cowell and Susan Boyle in the deep fryer at KFC?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | May 8, 2009 2:52 PM | Report abuse

Did anyone else hear that Kiefer head butted the guy while protecting Brook Shields?
brooke shields absolutely denies that she had anything to do w/sutherland's behavior or that he came to her defense. other reports state he was drunk as a toad, running around a bar earlier in the evening w/a feather boa. since he's on probation - bye bye.

Posted by: frieda406 | May 8, 2009 2:57 PM | Report abuse

Someone should remind Farrah's publicist that dead people are stable.
1. she's still alive
2. i do volunteer work at a hospice w/my dog. stable means many things when someone is terminal. it doesn't mean the person is going to recover. it usually means they're not in pain/suffering. doesn't sound like she's actively dying yet, w/all those specific symptoms. actively dying is different from terminal.

Posted by: frieda406 | May 8, 2009 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Bless you and your therapy dog, frieda.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | May 8, 2009 3:04 PM | Report abuse

What Paula Abdul meant to say was that the magazine fabricated the drugs in a clandestine lab.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | May 8, 2009 3:05 PM | Report abuse

frieda, thank you for that clarification. I hope one of Frankie's fellow hospice-dogs in LA can visit Farrah and bring her a little comfort during her illness.

Dorkus, we're so glad you're back. You have so much catching-up to do!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | May 8, 2009 3:06 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, you're back.

Posted by: epjd | May 8, 2009 3:25 PM | Report abuse

Sheryl was the one who broke up with him, not the other way around. If Lance is out there raising money for the fight against cancer, then he is OK in my book.

I am sad for Farrah.

Posted by: msame | May 8, 2009 3:36 PM | Report abuse

Nicole Kidman, did the Botox needle go it too deep? What the h_ll were you thinking with that ad?! It's beautiful, and it's an absolute mess. The agency should be fired.

There needs to be a word for this burgeoning trend of using Indian themes elsewhere in media just for the bandwagon value. Bollockswood?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | May 8, 2009 4:32 PM | Report abuse

Hey Dorkus! Welcome back!

Byoo, did you mean to say "a" nut? Most excellent snark, as always.

Bawlmer, I swear I had the same image in my head reading Heinous' quote! It was like a twisted Donnie Darko version of "Enchanted"!

Chris Brown's lawyers are lame. Since the photo is doubtless going to be used in evidence, it isn't like the jury won't have seen it anyway. And a picture is worth a thous---nah, make that fines, probation, mandatory anger management.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | May 8, 2009 4:49 PM | Report abuse

Bless you and your therapy dog, frieda
it's all about frankie at hospice. she visited "her place" yesterday. made the rounds visiting family and people in varying degrees of wellness. it's all about the joy she brings. i'm just the one who brung her to the dance....

Posted by: frieda406 | May 8, 2009 6:24 PM | Report abuse

just read that farrah's dad flew out to be with her now. so the process of actively dying has probably begun. not to be too graphic, but there is a death rattle and the body's organs shut down, one by one. goal now is to keep her as pain free as possible. and flights of angels will carry her to her rest. the nurses where frankie goes know she can tell when someone is very near death. she alerts to it. she senses something that we can't see or hear. and time and again i've seen something pass between her and the dying person. it's a beautiful moment, that big dog comforting someone who's making that transition.

Posted by: frieda406 | May 8, 2009 6:29 PM | Report abuse

Yes. I totally agree, animals "know". Good for you and Frankie. I hope with all my heart I am with animals (including my own) and pain-free when I make that transition.

Posted by: Californian11 | May 8, 2009 7:50 PM | Report abuse

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