Susan Boyle Not Exploited, Says Reality Show Judge; Paris Hilton Searches for New BFF in Dubai

I'm afraid to read the Stephen King link. My first reaction was a visual from the movie The Pillow Book - really not the best way to start the day.

The conversation between CCV and Kate Gosselin would go something like this:

Hi kettle this is the pot calling, you're black.

"Octo-mom accuses Kate Gosselin of being "desperate for attention" and "over-emotional" (ah, synergy)... "

Ah, crap. A two-fer - two train wrecks in one story. Liz, please stop writing about these cuckoo birds.

Too bad it wasn't Stephen Baldwin who filled in for Two-Heads-One-Brain-Zero-Talent Heincer; it would have been fun to watch all those other celebs endure roaches, tarantulas, brain-eating monkeys, etc., and then spend their nights enduring Steve's attempts to convert them. "Get Me Out Of Here," indeed.

Octo-mom: "Kate is desperate for attention" and over-emotional."
Kate: "I know I am but what are you?"
Octo: "I am rubber, you are glue..."
(Apparently their kids are also their PR flacks.)

"Stephen King writes short story on Bar Rafaeli's body..." Please please please let it be in Braille.

"Director says he was once headbutted by Bill Murray..." In fairness, it was in a film where he played Kiefer's dad.

Awkward conversation starters at Jennifer Aniston's lunch with Sir Paul:
"So, you were in The Beebles?"
"I heard this great joke once: 'What do you call a dog with Wings?"
"Do you know my ex-boyfriend Brad?"

It would be a little hard for Stephen Baldwin to fill in, he's already on the show.

It would be a little hard for Stephen Baldwin to fill in, he's already on the show.

Posted by: mcleve | June 3, 2009 9:15 AM

*****

I think we've identified a key drawback in my not watching the show, then. I hereby withdraw my nomination of Stephen Baldwin and apologize to everyone who read my earlier post; clearly, you have a right to expect better research than I've done.

Owe, the smame!

The Speidi link is a must read. It is hilarious. Apparently they think they are "Super Celebrities", which of course made me think of Wile E. Coyote, Suuuuuper Genius.

Especially for the lovely Mrs. byoolin and her consort, Don Cherry's sartorial splendor this weekend on "Hockey Night in Canada."
Saturday:
http://www.xyre.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/don-cherry-black-and-white.jpg
Sunday:
http://www.xyre.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/don-cherry-9-may-2008-h.jpg

(Lizards of less northerly origins are advised, as a precaution, to make sure to have a bit of brain bleach, or at least a pair of polarized shades, by the computer before viewing).

Re Susan Boyle item, I'll bet the producers of Jon & Kate + 8 say the kids are not exploited, too.

Zac Efron to play himself. Wonder if he'll be any good.

Hopefully Ms. Rafaeli has started a new trend. Always wanted to be an author.

I suggest that Sacha Baron Cohen burgled Eminem's hotel room. Neither of them have enough publicity.

The Leann Rimes stalking story sounds like wishful thinking.

I'll bet McG is only one in a whole string of directors who have been headbutted by Bill Murray.

Hey, Kate Hudson, I saw Bull Durham too.

I heard that both Jen and Sir Paul were single. Now I know what the tabs will have on their front covers when I go to the store Saturday.

Octo-mom accuses Kate Gosselin of being "desperate for attention" and "over-emotional."

As they say on the playground, "It takes one to know one."

Paris Hilton takes "My New BFF" production to Dubai.

If Paris declares burqas hot, we'll know the end-of-days is nigh.

Re Baldwin bros., except for Alec, I can't tell the rest of 'em apart. Has anyone every investigated whether those younger three were actually identical triplets?

So sad re Peter Falk. I'd be less unwilling to lose my looks than my mind in old age.

Ack, should read, Has anyone ever investigated ...

Damn you, Bill Murray. You got to do to McG what those of us who payed $12 to go see "Terminator Salvation" could only dream of!

From the Stephen King/Bar Refaeli article:

****************************************

The Israeli beauty also offered a tip to aspiring Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girls about a little-known se cret to looking sexy in pic tures: Give 'em some collarbone.

"Pop it up, pop it out. It's all in the definition of the bones," said Refaeli, flexing her chest so her collarbone is more defined.

****************************************

Yes, that's it. Having a rack to write home about, gorgeous hair and gorgeous face have nothing to do with it. Nuh uh, it's all about the collarbone.

What is that thing on Mary Kate Olsen's hand? Looks like a giant bug! Someone squish it, quick!

Stephen King should get an award for promoting literacy. I know plenty of young guys who will now suddenly be turned on to reading.

Lilo still following Sam? Now shouldn't she have the stalking headline?

The thought of Kate Hudson (ewww) and A-Rod (more ewww) together gives me a total-body overload of "ewwwwwwwww".

Also, a less-total but still-significant case of "ick nast".

So how much does Kate Hudson resemble Marilyn? Why hasn't she done the Marilyn thing all the other starlets do?

(Kids, Marilyn was married to Joe DiMaggio, who was also a baseball player before Mr. Coffee.)

Maybe OctoMom and Kate can get adjoining rooms when they are hospitalized for "exhaustion."

Yeah, I can see some of Paris' outfits going over very well in Dubai.

So sad about Peter Falk.

Girl-Next Door dates the Cute Beatle. This one actually did not make me cringe.

Mary Kate Olsen almost looks human. Did she eat something?

reddragon, don't forget that MM was later married to Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Arthur Miller, too.

That's an Olsen? I thought it was an Osbourne.

ep
Girl-Next Door dates the Cute Beatle. This one actually did not make me cringe.

Except that Sir Paul's old enough to be Jen's dad, and Jen's dated John Mayer, either of which factors is sufficient to make it cringe-worthy in my book. Did Paul learn nothing from the Heather Mills debacle (other than that Jen has more of her own money, although she still seems to carry emotional baggage)?

Holy f***, Nosy. I had no idea how much I missed the CBC's hockey coverage until I saw those.

I really do need to go back where I came from.

(For her part, the Lovely Mrs. byoolin saw them and announced a few seconds later that she needed to take a bath. I don't know what to make of that.)

(For her part, the Lovely Mrs. byoolin saw them and announced a few seconds later that she needed to take a bath. I don't know what to make of that.)

Posted by: byoolin1 | June 3, 2009 11:09 AM | Report abuse

It means the missus creamed her pants.

Nosy,

Yeah. DiMaggio didn't like everyone looking at his wife's panties. That was back when acresses wore panties.

I'm sure Miller was just attracted by her mental ability.

byoolin
(For her part, the Lovely Mrs. byoolin saw them and announced a few seconds later that she needed to take a bath. I don't know what to make of that.)

I empathize totally.

byoolin, do you know whether Alfre Woodward was in Toronto last weekend, or how one would go about finding out if she was? Googling and IMBDing just now didn't yield any easy results.

Nosy, you could try thestar.ca and look for blogs by Malene Arpe or Rita Zekas; torontosun.com might have something in its entertainment section; and there might be someing in eyeweekly.ca or in nowtoronto.com.

Or this may be an opportunity to work with Ms. Woodard on filling the gaping hole in the internet where the "Where In The World Is Alfre Woodard? Blog" is supposed to be.

Of course, if Alfre was in Toronto on the weekend, she likely was transfixed by the image of Don Cherry on her tv. She may very well be in a local hospital being treated for the aftereffects. I recommend you start with St. Mike's - it's the closest one to the CBC's downtown studios.

We could've sworn Alfre was at a couple of humongous parties we attended, and Mr. P even got a few snapshots of her from a distance. Although she didn't seem the least bit standoffish, we were too shy to approach. Will check the links you've recommended. Merci!

From the Stephen King/Bar Refaeli article:

****************************************

The Israeli beauty also offered a tip to aspiring Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girls about a little-known se cret to looking sexy in pic tures: Give 'em some collarbone.

"Pop it up, pop it out. It's all in the definition of the bones," said Refaeli, flexing her chest so her collarbone is more defined.

****************************************

Bar Refaeli has collar bones????? I've always started by checking out her legs and then work my way north. Somehow I never make it out of the mountains!!!!

Whatever happened to Ashley Olsen? Looks like being a freak with a drug problem is more popular ('cause really folks, look at the company M-K keeps!)

Two heads with one brain ... hee hee.

One of the benefits of being on the Left Coast and joining this blog late ... so much laughter to start my day.

The Olsen looks like she actually showered and washed her hair for once, and looks slightly less (but not totally) like a homeless druggie. Who knows what the John Lennon glasses are hiding. She's a good advertisement for a movie called "The Hangover", that's for sure.

Oh, and something I've never understood. Why is it that celebs with plenty of money and more than enough time on their hands, cannot get themselves to a hairstylist for a decent dye job/highlights/cover those roots?

Mr. Coffee! Thanks for the memory, reddragon1. (Though it's a bit optimistic to think that anyone you're calling "kids" remembers that commercial. But I do!)

Jennifer Aniston and Paul McCartney. Hmm. Reminds me of a song....

Jen! I can almost remember the tabloid headlines
That time they told me that you would be divorcing Brad.
And Jen, I thought your public, vile breakup was just so sad.
Jen! (oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo)
Jen! (oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo)

Jen! Was your father the bad guy on "Days of Our Lives"?
Didn't he warn you that dating a singer was wrong?
And Jen, I knew John Mayer wouldn't have lasted for very long.
Jen! (oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo,oo-oo-oo)
Jen! (oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo)

My Net Nanny blocked the Don Cherry pix.

Apparently my Net Nanny has a weaker stomach than I do.

Talk about Paris Hilton wearing a burqa as a sign of the End of Days......if Don Cherry ever appears in a Hockey Night telecast wearing a conservative, coordinated, monochrome outfit, it's time to head to the fallout shelter, folks!

For a pictorial of Don Cherry's sartorial splendor, Google "Don Cherry" and select images. Make sure you have on sunglasses to prevent retinal damage.

Sas, I sure hope 'Quatch Cave's larder is well-provisioned, cuz I just found this omen auguring the end-of-days:
http://media.canada.com/fae0b6fd-d281-4d23-840e-569bef1c674c/1472295.jpg

Nosy, it was monochrome but it definitely was NOT conservative. I think the thread may have been 14k. I think we're ok. Besides, the world doesn't end until 2012. Everyone knows that! ;-)

hodie, Don Cherry was the one on the right, in the dark jacket.

Sas, I sure hope 'Quatch Cave's larder is well-provisioned, cuz I just found this omen auguring the end-of-days:
http://media.canada.com/fae0b6fd-d281-4d23-840e-569bef1c674c/1472295.jpg

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | June 3, 2009 3:12 PM
--------------------------------------------

Ooooooooo, $--t! Off to check the fallout shelter.

At least Don wasn't wearing a burqa.
I hope I haven't given him any ideas.

td! That's parody of one of my most favorite (and completely nonsensical) Macca songs! Cool!

However, it is interesting to note that Sir Paul wrote a song called "Jenny Wren" in 2005...it goes something like this:

Like so many girls, Jenny Wren could sing
But a broken heart, took her soul away

Like the other girls, Jenny Wren took wing
She could see the world, and it's foolish ways

How, we, spend our days, casting, love aside
Loosing, site of life, day, by, day

hodie, Don Cherry was the one on the right, in the dark jacket.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | June 3, 2009 3:59 PM | Report abuse

Oh, my mistake!! Oh heck, we're ahead of schedule! Gotta go to Costco and stock up!

Alright, let's flex some snark muscles here...

Mary Kate really should stop taking fashion advice from Yoko Ono.

Along with writing Brittany Murphy out of the Stallone movie, they should write Sly out as well.

Octo-Mom vs Kate+8. I'm imagining some sort of epic battle between the two akin to Return of the King using their children.

Kate Hudson and A-Rod...I'm just not sure if the world can handle a union of that much talentlessness.