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Posted at 8:30 AM ET, 07/31/2009

Cops Arrested in SJP Surrogate Case; Alleged Jude Law Baby Mama Steps Forward

By Liz Kelly

In Havana on Thursday, Benicio Del Toro accepts an award honoring his body of work as an actor from the Cuban government. (AP)
Friday

Headlines: Michael Jackson used aliases, including his son's name, to obtain drugs... Will "Jon and Kate" recapture ratings with new dating episodes?... Newly-blond Lindsay Lohan offered an actual acting job... Susan Sarandon joins daughter in stripper class... Beatles to get zombie treatment in new book "Paul is Undead."

Crime Watch: Police chiefs arrested in Sarah Jessica Parker surrogate case... Alleged victim made up story of Mel Gibson attack, according to police... Warrant's Jani Lane gets two days in jail for DUI conviction.

Pix: Roseanne Barr poses as Hilter for Jewish magazine.

Rumor Mill: Actress/model Samantha Burke says she's Jude Law's baby mama... Heidi and Spencer Pratt expecting?... Mel Gibson gets 29-year marriage annulled... Jon Gosselin shopping solo reality show?... 19-year-old Kristin Stewart snapped at her own beer summit?... Amy Poehler returning for first two episodes of "SNL" season.

Not News: Kate Gosselin not moving to Rockville.

Say What?
"They're outside my house all the time. It's kind of annoying. Sometimes I'll go about my day by myself and there are 40-year-old men taking pictures of me and I don't know who they are. They should start wearing badges." -- Ashley Tisdale's plan for reining in the paparazzi.

"What is he going to say? We were banging groupies at 14? I can't wait to read his book, because I don't have a memory of a lot of the shows. Maybe it was because I was doing lines off of the audience members' asses." -- Mark-Paul Gosselaar reacts to news that fellow "Saved by the Bell" alum Dustin "Screech" Diamond is considering penning a tell-all.

By Liz Kelly  | July 31, 2009; 8:30 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Catching Up with 'What Not to Wear's' Stacy London: Special Pleat Debate Edition

Comments

Liz sez, " . . . Mel Gibson gets 29-year marriage annulled . . . ".

Curmudgeon sez, it's great to have a pope for a dad (sorta like the Borgias).

Posted by: bmschumacher | July 31, 2009 8:49 AM | Report abuse

That Michael Jackson story is sad. At least if you're a heroin addict, you don't need to tell your dealer that your name is "Blanket" just to get a hit.


A note to the producers: I wouldn't watch "new dating episodes" but I might watch "Jon and Kate and Amber Alert."


"Susan Sarandon joins daughter in stripper class..." That must be weird for the daughter. I mean, I know how *I* felt when I walked into The Brass Rail and my mom was on stage... talk about awkward. Especially later, during the table dance.


"Roseanne Barr poses as Hilter for Jewish magazine." Ah, Mr. Hilter - he's running in the North Minehead byelection, along with Mr. MacGoering.


Heincer expecting? Great. Those two aren't even sharp enough to expect thunder after lightning and now we're going to let them spawn...

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 31, 2009 9:01 AM | Report abuse

Mel Gibson gets 29-year marriage annulled.

Wow, a 29-year fake marriage. Did Mel think all that time that he was living a lie? I bet it makes his first seven kids feel really good to know they've been rendered essentially illegitimate thanks to his lust for a hoochie.


Amy Poehler returning for first two episodes of "SNL" season.

Hope Tina Fey makes some guest appearances too, because there's so much grist for that mill as well! Please, Tina, pretty please?


Not News: Kate Gosselin not moving to Rockville.

News: Dancing in the streets of Rockville tonight!


Paging Dr. hodie: Are there other cases on record (or through the grapevine) of patients receiving Diprivan the way MJ did, allegedly to treat a sleep disorder?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 9:07 AM | Report abuse

byoolin
Heincer expecting? Great. Those two aren't even sharp enough to expect thunder after lightning and now we're going to let them spawn.

Even lower forms of life manage to reproduce quite effectively. It's contraception that I doubt they have the brains to accomplish in a consistent manner. Just think of Palin, her mom(!) and eldest daughter, who all got pregnant out of wedlock (talk about a family value).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 9:15 AM | Report abuse

Michael Jackson used aliases, including his son's name, to obtain drugs.

Did he also use his son's credit cards, thereby damaging the kid's credit rating?


Roseanne Barr poses as Hilter for Jewish magazine.

Did she get one of her balls removed first?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 9:16 AM | Report abuse

Uh, Liz, did Roseanne pose as Hilter or Hitler?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 9:18 AM | Report abuse

"Mel Gibson gets 29-year marriage annulled"

Because nearly three decades and seven kids sure says you weren't serious about the whole marriage thing.

Posted by: yellojkt | July 31, 2009 9:21 AM | Report abuse

How *does* one get 29 years and 7 kids worth of marriage annulled? "No, Your Eminence, I never touched her. The kids? She musta wh0red around." ????

Agree with Byoolin and Nosy about Heincer: they're so clueless, it was inevitable.

Which son's name did MJ rip off to score? Michael or Michael?

Posted by: northgs | July 31, 2009 9:45 AM | Report abuse

Love love love Mark Paul G(I am too lazy to look up at how it is spelled) reply to the Screech tell all... the perfect blend of humor and derision conveyed in the minimum required amount of words.

He gets a very high rating on the snarkometer...

Posted by: LTL1 | July 31, 2009 9:46 AM | Report abuse

Mel gets an annulment is the biggest joke ever.

Posted by: Guest1234 | July 31, 2009 9:55 AM | Report abuse

"Mel Gibson gets 29-year marriage annulled"

Well THAT renews my faith in the church after the abuse scandals! Perhaps I should just make my folks happy and get married in the church next year. If things don't work out in 30 years, we can just pretend it didn't happen ;-)

Posted by: MzFitz | July 31, 2009 9:56 AM | Report abuse

The usual song and dance to get a marriage annulled is to declare that you were too immature to take marriage seriously. Under those conditions I think Mel has a case.

Posted by: yellojkt | July 31, 2009 10:00 AM | Report abuse

yellojkt
too immature to take marriage seriously

As if he's mature enough now? I think Mel's more likely regressed over time, sort of the emotional-maturity counterpart of Benjamin Button.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 10:08 AM | Report abuse

Wait a minute - I thought the Beatles were "zombified" when they added Ringo...

Posted by: GroovisMaximus61 | July 31, 2009 10:10 AM | Report abuse

If I were the soon to be Mrs. Mel Gibson I'd be a little worried about the validity of my upcoming marriage. His argument for annullment was feeling pressured to get married because Robyn was pregnant at the time.

Posted by: jes11 | July 31, 2009 10:12 AM | Report abuse

MzFitz, I was thinking the same thing about Mel getting an annullment but then I remembered he separated from the main church and formed his own sect. There is no way he could have been given a real annullment. I can't see the story. I would say ex-communication would probably be more appropriate.

Mudge, is it true Mel's baby Mama's real name is Lucrezia?

Nosy:Paging Dr. hodie: Are there other cases on record (or through the grapevine) of patients receiving Diprivan the way MJ did, allegedly to treat a sleep disorder?

I had never heard of it happening before this. Hope the doctor not only loses his liscense forever, but spends some time in jail.

Posted by: hodie | July 31, 2009 10:14 AM | Report abuse

It's all just too depressing this morning - Heincer spawning, Mel Gibson and the Catholic Church spitting on the concept of marriage, LiLo doing anything. Ick nast to all of it.

Shall we offer Mark-Paul Gosselaar immediate membership into our snark society? He's definitely got the goods.

And, of course, Friday love to The Swayze. Stay strong - we lurve you, Patrick!

Posted by: jaybbub | July 31, 2009 10:15 AM | Report abuse

Police chiefs arrested in Sarah Jessica Parker surrogate case.

Gee, why didn't they just arrest "Skip" Gates instead? Hey, maybe the President will invite them to the White House to hoist a brewski with him and SJP.

Dumb question for the Lizard Island legal team: Who has jurisdiction to arrest a police department's own chief? Also, byoolin, is Belmont County up in your neck o' the woods and if so, what are the local news reports and scuttlebut?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 10:16 AM | Report abuse

The funniest thing about that "Saved by the Bell" piece is that it appears in Newsweek's "Arts and Culture" blog. Apparently they're trying to give the New Yorker a run for their money.....

Posted by: GroovisMaximus61 | July 31, 2009 10:19 AM | Report abuse

Can't wait for the video of Roseanne grabbing her crotch and singing the "Horst Wessel" song.

Posted by: reddragon1 | July 31, 2009 10:20 AM | Report abuse

jes
His argument for annullment was feeling pressured to get married because Robyn was pregnant at the time.

How does Mel explain the remaining six kids? They weren't the rest of a litter of septuplets from the first pregnancy, ya know.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 10:20 AM | Report abuse

Clearly Mel's views with respect to The Church's teachings on contraception and pre-marital sex are oddly incongruous. The former he's fine with, the latter not so much.

Posted by: yellojkt | July 31, 2009 10:32 AM | Report abuse

Nosy, Belmont County is indeed in my neck of the woods, just across the river from here.

Unfortunately, the media here is of little help. They've stopped using the local newspaper to wrap fish because they come out smelling worse. And the tv station gives you the 12-second wire service version of the story before getting on to the important stuff: a barn fire in St. Clairsville, a drunken driver in McMechen, and twenty minutes spent repeating the weather report.

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 31, 2009 10:48 AM | Report abuse

It makes me sad that I used to 'admire' Mel G. for his beliefs (pre anti-sem. rant). I thought he really believed them and stood by them. Now, he's just another hollywood fool.

Posted by: Guest1234 | July 31, 2009 10:52 AM | Report abuse

As pointed out, Mel has his own church. So basically, he gave his annulment to himself. The Big Guy in Rome did not grant this. Even with all the money Mel could pay for one (the real way annulments are granted), they take forever. Just ask Ted Kennedy who got one from Joan.

Who arrests the chief? Usually it is state cops. Believe it or not, there are rules about this kind of thing. I read the article last night but I don't remember if it was state or feds who did it.

Party in Rockville tonight. We are safe from the scourge of cable tv.

I don't think there is enough brain bleach in the world to get the concept of the Heincer spawn out of my head.

Thanks for leaving us for a week with all that image, Liz.

Posted by: epjd | July 31, 2009 10:54 AM | Report abuse

Hey byoolin - don't be knocking your local news outlet. I see there's an article about a girl who found a tomato that looks just like a chicken in today's edition.

Posted by: GroovisMaximus61 | July 31, 2009 10:58 AM | Report abuse

ep
Mel has his own church. So basically, he gave his annulment to himself. The Big Guy in Rome did not grant this.

Would it be typecasting for Mel to play Henry VIII?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 11:02 AM | Report abuse

ep,

Let's not be too hard on Queen Liz. She's not the one who abandoned a Gosselin trifecta for discussion of canon law. Or lack thereof.

Posted by: reddragon1 | July 31, 2009 11:03 AM | Report abuse

Henry the VIII had 8 wives and 2 children. Mel has 2 wives and 8 children.

Posted by: GroovisMaximus61 | July 31, 2009 11:04 AM | Report abuse

"Sometimes I'll go about my day by myself and there are 40-year-old men taking pictures of me and I don't know who they are. They should start wearing badges." - Ashley Tisdale


"Badges? We don't need no steenking badges!" - Unidentified photog

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 31, 2009 11:06 AM | Report abuse

Here in northern New England, a small town police chief was arrested for drunk driving the other day. The rookie cop who pulled him over didn't know it was his own chief until he walked over to the car. He called for state police backup, they took over. They gave the chief 4 chances at the field sobriety tests, he failed all four.

Posted by: newengland1 | July 31, 2009 11:07 AM | Report abuse

oops - my bad. Henry VIII had 3 legitimate children. My memory ain't what it used to be

Posted by: GroovisMaximus61 | July 31, 2009 11:09 AM | Report abuse

i have a cousin who beats mel gibson hollow on the marriage front. he's on his third wife. had 2, count 'em, 2 previous marriages annulled. and gem that he is, decided he did not want the children he and wife 2 adopted so he somehow managed to reverse that process as well. ta da. no child support. catholic, of course. goes to mass every sunday, acts more pious than the nazi youth pope and has an anti-abortion sign out by his driveway. top that, mel.

Posted by: frieda406 | July 31, 2009 11:12 AM | Report abuse

Henry the VIII had *only* 6 wives: Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour (no, not THAT one), Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard and Catherine Parr. Remember the old mnemonic: Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, outlived.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 11:13 AM | Report abuse

furthe comment: pole dancing with parent? creepy.

Posted by: frieda406 | July 31, 2009 11:14 AM | Report abuse

Groovis, not to rain on your palindromic parade, but Henry VIII had six wives and three (surviving, at least to late childhood) children. The wives were:

divorced, beheaded, died
divorced, beheaded, survived

This has been your dork-out message of the day. Please carry on.

Posted by: Wikijen | July 31, 2009 11:16 AM | Report abuse

And, as per usual, others beat me to it and said it better. Carry on again.

Posted by: Wikijen | July 31, 2009 11:17 AM | Report abuse

Wikjen, even worse, you got outdorked by someone who could name them all. Saving me from doing it.

But, hey, close enough for Hollywood. We just leave out a couple of wives (combined characters) and add a few kids for storyline purposes, voila - Mel Gibson as Henry VIII.

Posted by: epjd | July 31, 2009 11:24 AM | Report abuse

I'm Henry the Eighth I am
Henry the Eighth I am, I am
I got married to the widow next door
She's been married seven times before
And every one was an Henry (Henry)
She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)
I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry
Henry the Eighth I am.

Let's consider this whole thing settled.

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 31, 2009 11:28 AM | Report abuse

If only we could get Mel Gibson's birth annulled.

Posted by: ChuckFi | July 31, 2009 11:29 AM | Report abuse

Ashley,
As for those forty-year-old guys following you around, you'd know who I was if you would just answer my e-mails like I ask. I even include pictures. Although in fairness, those aren't going to help you identify me when I am in street clothes.

Posted by: yellojkt | July 31, 2009 11:31 AM | Report abuse

So if Mel's baby mama is not Lucrezia, maybe her real name is Anne? Does anyone know if Mel employs a hangman?

Posted by: hodie | July 31, 2009 11:34 AM | Report abuse

Let's consider this whole thing settled.

Posted by: byoolin1

---------------------------------
Right you are, Herman. Or Peter. Or whoever you are.

Posted by: yellojkt | July 31, 2009 11:35 AM | Report abuse

hodie, 'tweren't a noose that done in Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard. In fact, Boleyn considered it a mercy that Henry allowed her to have just a swift beheading rather than the slower original plan. Ick Nast.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 11:43 AM | Report abuse

yeah Nosy, I know but I couldn't think of the term for the head chopper guy.

Posted by: hodie | July 31, 2009 11:51 AM | Report abuse

hodie, maybe it's surgeon?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 11:54 AM | Report abuse

Sigurd the Mighty, a Norse Earl of Orkney in the late 9th century, died after he beheaded an enemy in battle and tied the head to his horse's saddle. One the ride home, his leg was grazed by one of the head's protruding teeth, and he died of a blood infection.

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Weird_Fact_of_the_Day_(that_you_probably_didnt_know)&in_article_id=704079&in_page_id=2

If only it'd bit 'im in the arse...

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Susan Sarandon, I used to have such respect for you. What IS it with women and stripper roles? When did stripping become something to aspire to?

Wow, Nosy, now THAT'S karma.

Posted by: Californian11 | July 31, 2009 12:11 PM | Report abuse

yeah Nosy, I know but I couldn't think of the term for the head chopper guy.

Posted by: hodie | July 31, 2009 11:51 AM

I think the word you're looking for is executioner.

Posted by: northgs | July 31, 2009 12:32 PM | Report abuse

think the word you're looking for is executioner.

Posted by: northgs | July 31, 2009 12:32 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, one of those! Does Mel have his own executioner?

Posted by: hodie | July 31, 2009 1:16 PM | Report abuse

Heidi and Spencer are such devoted gun nits, one would have thought that they would have checked to find out if Spencer's love gun was loaded. I guess we know that he doesn't shoot blanks.

I wonder how much richer the Vatican is from the Mel Gibson annullment fee.

The caption for Roseann Barr's Baking Hitler picture should be "Arbeit mit fries."

In Californication, Eva Amurri moonlights as a stripper and falls for David Duchovny's character. Let me guess: David Duchovny's character is a sex addict.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | July 31, 2009 1:25 PM | Report abuse

Sas
David Duchovny's character is a sex addict.

Coincidentally, this week there was a "Frasier" rerun in which Sam Malone comes to visit Seattle with his fiancée, whom he met in a sex-addicts recovery group. She was played by the Téa Leoni (future Mrs. Duchovny). Owe, the irony!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 1:36 PM | Report abuse

played by Téa Leoni (the future Mrs. Duchovny).

Need a gigantic ~ symbol for when words get accidentally disordered in the rewriting process.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 1:39 PM | Report abuse

Nosy, the tilde ~ symbol can also be used to connote a Valley Girl sing-song inflection, as in Stacy London's signature phrase:

SHUT~UP~

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | July 31, 2009 1:46 PM | Report abuse

Anyone wanna bet whether the police who arrested for breaking into SJP's house were mounted cops looking for a fresh horse?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | July 31, 2009 1:51 PM | Report abuse

If only we could get Mel Gibson's birth annulled.

Posted by: ChuckFi | July 31, 2009 11:29 AM | Report abuse

Anyone wanna bet whether the police who arrested for breaking into SJP's house were mounted cops looking for a fresh horse?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | July 31, 2009 1:51 PM

Very well done Chuck & Sas!

Posted by: jes11 | July 31, 2009 2:09 PM | Report abuse

Sas, aren't the cops accused of breaking into the surrogate mother's house, not SJP's?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 2:18 PM | Report abuse

Sas, aren't the cops accused of breaking into the surrogate mother's house, not SJP's?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker

---------------------------------------------
Well, that makes it a horse of a different color.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | July 31, 2009 2:23 PM | Report abuse

Mel doesn't have his own executioner, but I bet he has an executioner's hood. Prolly some leather pants too.

Re: stripper aspirations. With the rise and acceptance of raunch culture, feminism has taken a huge step backward in the past several years. Somewhere along the line, women have forgotten that it is possible to be smart, strong, and secure without having to resort to hoochie status.

Posted by: jelo97 | July 31, 2009 2:51 PM | Report abuse

Somewhere along the line, women have forgotten that it is possible to be smart, strong, and secure without having to resort to hoochie status.

Posted by: jelo97 | July 31, 2009 2:51 PM

******************************************

True, but it's much more fun nowadays...


Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | July 31, 2009 3:34 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus
True, but it's much more fun nowadays...

No soup for YOU!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 31, 2009 4:03 PM | Report abuse

I've read no one's comments. but Mel Gibson is a JERK! I don't think he understands the impact of his annulment on his children. Be a man and get a divorce, and leave it alone! You committed a venial sin, do your penance, own up to it! Don't stigmatize your first wife because YOU can't keep your drawers zipped!!!

(and on the lighter side: thank goodness Kate's not moving to Rockville. It's hard enough finding parking when I'm sneaking out of work to see a movie while the Little Lurkers are at school!)

Posted by: anonymouslurker | July 31, 2009 4:24 PM | Report abuse

BTW - in a REAL tribunal, a Church representative is there to defend the marriage.

Posted by: anonymouslurker | July 31, 2009 4:25 PM | Report abuse

BTW - in a REAL tribunal, a Church representative is there to defend the marriage.

Posted by: anonymouslurker |

----------------------------------------
Is the Church advocate married?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | July 31, 2009 4:57 PM | Report abuse

In this week's entertainment weekly "Bullseye" feature, waaaaay off the mark is this:

Heather Mills buys vegan food line; vegetables of the world form a resistance army.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | July 31, 2009 5:06 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, jelo! Well stated. Not to mention forgotten that smart, strong and secure is not at odds with sexy. In fact, to some of the more enlightened, it is the sexiEST.

-Californian, stepping off soapbox now

Posted by: Californian11 | July 31, 2009 6:03 PM | Report abuse

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