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Posted at 7:58 AM ET, 07/ 2/2009

No Public Jackson Memorial This Week; Gwyneth Prefers Spain to U.S.

By Liz Kelly
Thursday

Headlines: No public or private viewings for Michael Jackson this weekend, says family; memorial may happen Tuesday at L.A.'s Staples Center... Request for Neverland burial denied...
DEA joins investigation into Jackson's medications... 2.6 million Jackson downloads sold in one week... Pathologist says David Carradine died of asphyxiation... Gwyneth Paltrow says Spanish know how to enjoy life more than Blackberry-addled Americans... 22-year-old Kevin Jonas engaged... Kate Gosselin's clothing line for kids on hold as "Jon and Kate" ratings plummet... Nicole Richie designs maternity clothes; Beyonce launching "Sasha Fierce" line of junior clothing... Hilary Duff joining cast of "Gossip Girl" for multi-episode arc... C. Thomas Howell to host new reality show.

Pix: Bearded Keanu Reeves in Paris... Brad Pitt's new "Never-EverLand" art installation.

Video: Ricky Gervais's "Invention of Lying" trailer...

Rumor Mill: Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger spotted dining out... Tameka Foster says she and Usher had sex a week before divorce filing... Ryan O'Neal bars son (Griffin, not Redmond) from Farrah Fawcett's funeral.

Not News: R. Kelly, police say singer's home not searched for missing 17-year-old girl... Susan Boyle will not appear on "Ugly Betty"... Leighton Meester not engaged.

Say What?
"They take me very seriously because I've always been a very serious Christian, and most Christians understand what's going on. They understand they're being persecuted. They understand this is the end of the world. They understand the New World Order, the One World Currency, is all in Revelations in the Bible, so they're taking me very seriously and they know when I mean something, that it's a message." -- Heidi Pratt

Chat Day: Join me at 2 p.m. ET for this week's star-spangled edition of Celebritology Live. Then, stick around for The "Lost" Hour's ongoing summer review of seasons 1 and 2.

By Liz Kelly  | July 2, 2009; 7:58 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Kevin Jonas, You May Want to Read This

Comments

2.6 million downloads: now we know the answer to the question, "Who do I have kill to sell more Michael Jackson songs?"


Meanwhile, David Carradine asks, "Where are MY 2 million downloads?"

"22-year-old Kevin Jonas engaged... " So THAT'S why The Lovely Mrs. byoolin ran upstairs weeping in the middle of Entertainment Tonight.


Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger - somewhere, Jennifer Aniston just put her fist through drywall.


Tameka Foster thinks having sex with Usher a week earlier means he can't leave? Honey, some guys leave DURING sex.


"Not News: R. Kelly, police say singer's home not searched for missing 17-year-old girl..." Why would they? Everyone knows R. likes younger women.


"Susan Boyle will not appear on 'Ugly Betty'"... so as not to spoil the illusion.


Hey, Leighton Meester: how much for your seester?


That Heidi quote takes my breath away, and reminds me of this exchange from Family Guy:

BRIAN: Stewie, you're judgmentally quoting Bible verses & you don't even know how to read.

STEWIE: Welcome to America, Brian.

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 2, 2009 8:41 AM | Report abuse

It looks like Heidi may have finally found a job that suits her--wacko militia leader! Maybe Spencer can form a competing militia and they can blow each other up (and save the rest of humanity from celebutante drivel)?

Posted by: caroleg1 | July 2, 2009 9:03 AM | Report abuse

The distaff half of Heincer:
...all in Revelations in the Bible.

It's Revelation, you lipstick dipstick (grrr)


DEA joins investigation into Jackson's medications.

An awful lot of celebs have died of a pattern of prescription drug abuse, from Judy to Anna Nicole, Heath to MJ...


Hilary Duff joining cast of "Gossip Girl" for multi-episode arc.

LiLo, please take note. Hilary also had a star turn on L&O this season.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 2, 2009 9:03 AM | Report abuse

It seems a little weird to me that the NY Post article about Ryan O'Neal barring his kids from the funeral had an ad for colon cleansing right below the post.

Posted by: StuckatWork | July 2, 2009 9:09 AM | Report abuse

As long as C. Thomas Howell doesn't take any pills to make him look like the people he is interviewing for his show, it may work.

Although if he needs said pills, I am sure there is a doctor in Hollywood to provide him with some.

Is there a pill to shut up Heincer? Now that is drug abuse I could get behind.

Posted by: epjd | July 2, 2009 9:19 AM | Report abuse

Stop the presses. Grasshoppa died of asphyxiation. You read it hear right after the event.

Gwynnie has just discovered that Spanish is the loving tongue? Kids.

Kate might think of joining Heincer on the evangelism circuit, if they can take enough time off from their political commentary show.

Good for Renee. I think Jen is still waiting for the Brangelina civil war to heat up.

With a beard, Keanu looks less like a robot.

Posted by: reddragon1 | July 2, 2009 9:20 AM | Report abuse

Paltrow said Spain "became a second home."

"It is so different from the United States. It seemed to have a history, and the buildings are years and years and years old. Here in the United States an old building is about 17 (years old), and over there it's from 500 B.C., it's incredible," she said. "

Liz,

Is that enough for you to dump this moron?

Posted by: jezebel3 | July 2, 2009 9:29 AM | Report abuse

The Heincer interview only gets better. Observe this little gem....

Heidi: "I was just saying about birth control, because I got very scared about it the other day and I felt like God was telling me that this was something just created by the government that is really bad for my body and I was just getting sick, and I researched it, and one of the founding people who invented birth control said it was the worst thing they had ever done, they wished they'd never created it, how it morally corrupted society, it's just sickening to him. How it devalues women, how it causes depression, how it can cause cancer, how it sterilizes your body, and what it does to your body, how most women are suicidal sometimes on it, and in fact, in order to even stabilize the population right now, each woman would have to have three children, that the population is decreasing so much that population control is just a myth."

On one hand, good for Heidi for doing "research." On the other hand, I am very, very worried that she is no longer using birth control.

Posted by: ishkabibbleA | July 2, 2009 9:36 AM | Report abuse

And the award for the most hypocritical statement of the year goes to.... Kate Gosselin! For the statement made on the TLC website promoting her reality TV show about raising her 8 children: "Our goal is to do the very best for our children and that will be done as privately as possible."

My head is reeling.

Then again, it may be from the complete arrogance of Speidi's statement implying that anything she does has anything to do with anything in the Bible... Self-important much?

Posted by: fft5305 | July 2, 2009 9:46 AM | Report abuse

IshkabibbleA, I'm also worried that someone might actually listen to her and reproduce. "most women are suicidal sometimes on" birth control? OMG.

Posted by: kirstenpaulson | July 2, 2009 9:47 AM | Report abuse

We should give Heidi an hour of airtime and spend the first fifteen seconds having a host introduce her and then say, "Heidi, talk to us about evolution, global warming, AIDS, immigration, religion and whether or not you believe in UFOs."

Then let her start talking.

I WOULD SO WATCH THAT. IT WOULD BE THE MOST AWESOMEST TELEVISION EVER.

If we could somehow time it to end at the exact instant The Rapture begins, even better.

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 2, 2009 9:47 AM | Report abuse

Once again, Gwynnie opens her mouth and displays how incredibly stupid she really is. Gwynnie, spouting off about the lack of history in America just makes you look like an even bigger asshat than you already are. But apparently she is more than thrilled to show the world that she is a non-history knowing,self-hating American. I so want to punch her in the face now.

Posted by: jelo97 | July 2, 2009 9:55 AM | Report abuse

And the award for the most hypocritical statement of the year goes to....

Posted by: fft5305 | July 2, 2009 9:46 AM | Report abuse


The same winner every year. The Bible-quoting Christian who gets caught a sinnin' and sheds crocodile tears.

Posted by: jezebel3 | July 2, 2009 10:05 AM | Report abuse

"..how most women are suicidal sometimes on it."

60% of the time, it works every time.

Posted by: spret07 | July 2, 2009 10:10 AM | Report abuse

Gwynnie needs to drink a steaming cup of STFU. Really, sweetie? Our buildings are only 17 years old? Do you ever listen to what is coming out of your silly face?

Posted by: CallMeSkeptical | July 2, 2009 10:23 AM | Report abuse

Gwynneth Paltrow? Check.
Heidi Pratt? Check.
Hillary Duff? Check.
Kate Gosselin? Check.

All twits present and accounted for, Cap'n.

Posted by: memphis1 | July 2, 2009 10:29 AM | Report abuse

Brad Pitt's new "Never-EverLand" art installation....
- Is there space in one of those boxcar
cubbies to inter Michael Jackson?

Beyonce launching "Sasha Fierce" line of junior clothing. "The collection’s accessories are really over the top.”
- Now I admit that middle school can be pretty rough but do we need pre-teen girls walking around with metal claws on their hands?

Gwyneth Paltrow says Spanish know how to enjoy life more than Blackberry-addled Americans.
- Gwynnie of Spain, we ignore you.

Posted by: mdreader01 | July 2, 2009 11:07 AM | Report abuse

We should give Heidi an hour of airtime and spend the first fifteen seconds having a host introduce her and then say, "Heidi, talk to us about evolution, global warming, AIDS, immigration, religion and whether or not you believe in UFOs."

Then let her start talking.

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 2, 2009 9:47 AM

And then, after she's finished, let Tom Cruise come on and say, "What a whack-job."

--Kevin

Posted by: KevFromArlington | July 2, 2009 11:10 AM | Report abuse

Is having a fashion line some sort of spring board from B celebrity-hood to A celebrity-hood? If so, it's not working so well (except for Beyonce I suppose).

Heidi - I think if you display your *privates* in Playboy, Jesus will return a little sooner.

Posted by: kvs71 | July 2, 2009 11:16 AM | Report abuse

We should give Heidi an hour of airtime and spend the first fifteen seconds having a host introduce her and then say, "Heidi, talk to us about evolution, global warming, AIDS, immigration, religion and whether or not you believe in UFOs."

Then let her start talking.

I WOULD SO WATCH THAT. IT WOULD BE THE MOST AWESOMEST TELEVISION EVER.

If we could somehow time it to end at the exact instant The Rapture begins, even better.

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 2, 2009 9:47 AM


THIS. SO. MUCH!!!

Posted by: wadejg | July 2, 2009 11:58 AM | Report abuse

"Most Christians understand what's going on.... They understand this is the end of the world. They understand the New World Order..." -- Heidi Pratt

Me, too, Heidi. I liked them so much better as Joy Division.

Posted by: mdreader01 | July 2, 2009 12:23 PM | Report abuse

I've basically taken a solemn vow never to click on any link that might include news of Heincer's latest idiocy (this blog being the sole exception), because I think it's morally indefensible to encourage them in any way. But there's something weirdly compelling about them, I'll grant you.

Posted by: bobsewell | July 2, 2009 1:07 PM | Report abuse

Wow, looks like we have a plague of clueless, no-talent bimbos on our hands today. Heidi, you're the expert: which Revelatory plague is this again? The fifth?

Careful, Gwynnie - you know what the Python boys used to say...

Posted by: northgs | July 2, 2009 1:43 PM | Report abuse

Heidi - I think if you display your *privates* in Playboy, Jesus will return a little sooner.

Posted by: kvs71 | July 2, 2009 11:16 AM
-----------------------------------------
Indeed.

In the Book of Revelations, St John quotes Jesus as saying, "Behold! I come quickly!"

Whether Jesus is coming soon or has already shot his wad, I don't know.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | July 2, 2009 2:04 PM | Report abuse

northgs & sasquatch just made my day!

Posted by: talleyl | July 2, 2009 2:35 PM | Report abuse

Breaking News: Debbie Rowe says she IS the mother of the oldest two and wants custody. Will also seek a restraining order to keep Joe Jackson away from them.

Maybe now we can get a not unflattering picture of her.

Hey, it's legal news and with the restraining order in my field of practice. I just have to figure out who to bill.

Posted by: epjd | July 2, 2009 3:05 PM | Report abuse

How insane is it that you need permission to bury a family member on your own property? There is no good reason for it.

As for Speidi... how to put this. The 9/11 Commission Report is a terrible piece of investigatory work. It's too bad that real, crucial questions about the massive failures of government that day can linger unanswered, due to the proximity of concerned citizens to the hardcore conspiracy types.

Posted by: patrick4 | July 2, 2009 3:13 PM | Report abuse

1. i believe the l.a. times had a photo of griffen o'neal at the funeral. is there another griffen o'neal?
2. burying michael jackson on property located as remote as his ranch is crazy. you'd have people trying to get in day and night. the road is very narrow, no parking, etc. ridiculous. never mind the poor neighbors.

Posted by: frieda406 | July 2, 2009 3:57 PM | Report abuse

How insane is it that you need permission to bury a family member on your own property? There is no good reason for it.

Posted by: patrick4 | July 2, 2009 3:13 PM
===============

First of all, Neverland is in foreclosure and has been since 2007. On November 10, 2008, Jackson transferred the title to Sycamore Valley Ranch Company, LLC.

Even if he did own it free and clear, there is a good reason to limit where you can bury bodies. Most municipalities have regulations about burying human (and animal for that matter) remains in order to safeguard against contaminating ground water. That's why, in many locations, even the most humble funeral costs thousands of dollars because you have to purchase a leak-proof casket. I know...ick, nast.

If you cremate the individual, you can scatter the ashes as you wish. This probably should be what they choose to do with Michael. If they want to construct a masoleum, they probably have to do that in a location that is zoned for such a purpose.

Graceland is in Tennessee and it's location was in a high traffic area. I think Memphis was more than happy to have another tourist attraction.

Neverland is in Santa Barbara, CA, an area where people are freaked out enough about their property values that they will fight tooth and nail from becoming neighbors to a freak show tourist attraction.

Shame about it, really. It's been on the market for two years and nobody wants to buy it. And I think lots of people would love to see it in it's Jackson era splendor.

Posted by: mdreader01 | July 2, 2009 4:02 PM | Report abuse

mdreader
If you cremate the individual, you can scatter the ashes as you wish.

Not everywhere: some jurisdictions have zoning restrictions limiting this, although in reality survivors might just scatter their loved one's ashes surreptitiously wherever they wish :-)

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 2, 2009 4:18 PM | Report abuse

Not that I'm advocating law-breaking, of course.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 2, 2009 4:19 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, we did a surreptitious ash-scattering one night of my Grandmother's ashes--I'm fairly certain you cannot, in California, randomly scatter on land or at sea. But it doesn't stop anyone from doing it and frankly I don't get what the problem is--humans returned to their mineral basics are good for the soil ;-)

It seemed like we went three whole days without hearing anything from or about Heincer. Spencer's tweet had me reeling--his "followers"???? OMG. Now he has a Jesus complex! All that hardcore christian stuff has convinced him he's the second coming!

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | July 2, 2009 4:28 PM | Report abuse

Ashes-- You could always do what Al Bundy did on "Married with Children," make the BEST BURGERS EVER!

Although Jackson was a vegetarian. Grilled falafels, perhaps.

Debbie-- I can't predict anything, but you'd have to disprove that Katherine Jackson was (1) unfit and (2) had regular contact with Joe. I'm not sure either is the case, really. Just because Joe is around, hogging camera space doesn't mean he has any contact with the grandkids.

Frieda-- Redmond was at the funeral. Ryan's other two kids, Griffen and Tatum, are not Farrah's kids and did not attend the funeral. They've also both had trouble with drugs. So has Ryan. So I don't know why he's getting all judgemental. Unless he's locked in some sort of contest with Joe Jackson and Michael Lohan for "Father of the Year."

Posted by: mdreader01 | July 2, 2009 4:38 PM | Report abuse

Frieda-- Redmond was at the funeral. Ryan's other two kids, Griffen and Tatum, are not Farrah's kids and did not attend the funeral
****
you're right, md. i went back to the latimes.com site and saw where griffin showed up at the church w/his mother but was not allowed inside. i knew neither he nor tatum were farrah's children. she had just the one son, who one hopes will pull it together and not be another mess.

Posted by: frieda406 | July 3, 2009 1:46 AM | Report abuse

RIP, Mollie Sugden (Betty Slocombe):
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/03/arts/television/03sugden.html?_r=1&hpw

And we are unanimous in that.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 3, 2009 9:11 AM | Report abuse

Hey all! I went to bed thinking that Debbie Rowe had cooked up some brilliant plan to keep Joe Jackson from influencing the kids in any way by threatening to challenge custody, but in reality, using that threat to demand a restraining order against Joe Jackson.

Then, I woke up to hear her lawyers say she doesn't know what she wants to do.

Lady, decisiveness is kinda key to good parenting. So is some good sense. Pick up the phone. Call Katherine and get some assurance from her that Joe is going to behave himself and not turn the grandkids into "meal tickets." Then, go on with your life.

Meantime, it's 11:26 am EDT and I haven't seen Al Sharpton yet. I'm going through withdrawal.

Posted by: mdreader01 | July 3, 2009 11:26 AM | Report abuse

Gwynella--most of us Americans are running around using our Blackberrys because we have to work hard for a living and we haven't had everything handed to us from childhood, and don't have the chance to work a few months of the year to earn millions at a time, and don't have the chance to go to Europe at all much less spend extended time there every year.

I gotta go. My house is older than 17 years old, so I'm going to call the historical society...

Posted by: msame | July 3, 2009 11:42 AM | Report abuse

Silly me, I thought 23-year-olds were adults already.

'Transformers' director Michael Bay says actress Megan Fox 'has a lot of growing up to do'
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/07/03/2009-07-03_transformers_director_michael_bay_says_actress_megan_fox_has_a_lot_of_growing_up.html

...Fox blasted the "Transformers" director for relying on special effects rather than acting in the two “Transformers” films in an interview with "Entertainment Weekly." But Bay is unimpressed. / "She says some very ridiculous things because she's 23 years old, and she still has a lot of growing up to do," the 44-year-old Bay told the Wall Street Journal. "You roll your eyes when you see statements like that and think, 'Okay Megan, you can do whatever you want...'"

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 3, 2009 11:57 AM | Report abuse

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