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Posted at 8:33 AM ET, 08/17/2009

George Michael Arrested (Again); No 'Ugly Betty' for Paula Abdul

By Liz Kelly

Update: Donny Osmond, Kathy Ireland, Macy Gray, Melissa Joan Hart, Aaron Carter, Kelly Osbourne, Debbie Mazar and former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay sign on to "Dancing With the Stars" fall season. -- 10:50 a.m. ET


Madonna celebrates her 51st birthday on stage in Warsaw, Poland, on Saturday. (Getty Images)
Monday

Headlines: No "Ugly Betty" cameo for Paula Abdul after talks fall apart... Bob Dylan mistaken for hobo... Jerry Seinfeld to be Jay Leno's first primetime guest... Jennifer Aniston to sing in next movie... Kate Winslet to star in "Mildred Pierce" TV remake... Rumer Willis celebrates 21st birthday in Las Vegas... Amid protests, Madonna celebrates 51st birthday in Poland... Katie Holmes's clothing line to launch this fall... Virile Alaskan Levi Johnston says he'd pose nude for the right price... Alyssa Milano marries... Reality TV "star" Omarosa entering seminary... George Clooney suing paparazzi for snapping photos of 13-year-old on his property.

Crime Watch: George Michael arrested after car crash... Arrest warrant issued for Bobby Brown for failure to appear in court... Michael Phelps admits he drank before car accident (but police say crash caused by other driver).

Pix: Jennifer Love Hewitt plays tennis in bikini and heels... Beyonce's bad hair day.

Video: Brad Pitt talks pot, religion with Bill Maher... Robin Williams on getting waxed for nude scene in "World's Greatest Dad."

Rumor Mill: "Twilight's" Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson spotted kissing at concert?... Dad pushing Jessica Simpson as replacement for Paula Abdul" on "Idol"... Joe Jackson paid $5,000 to attend Indiana memorial for son Michael?... Rosie O'Donnell separated from longtime partner?... Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens engaged?... Jane Fonda contemplating wedding no. 4?

Say What?
"[He's my] first love. I'm not some fame whore." -- 22-year-old Hailey Glassman on boyfriend Jon Gosselin.

By Liz Kelly  | August 17, 2009; 8:33 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: 2009 Celebritology Honors: A Little Help?
Next: Kristen Stewart is Hott, and You Can Be, Too

Comments

WaPo filter censored my first attempt to send this, probably because I quote a certain word that Liz was able to use in this item:
"[He's my] first love. I'm not some fame wh0re." -- 22-year-old Hailey Glassman on boyfriend Jon Gosselin.

What's fame got to do with it?


Amid protests, Madonna celebrates 51st birthday in Poland.

I assume they're not protesting that she's turning 51.


Kate Winslet to star in "Mildred Pierce" TV remake.

Better choice than a lot of other actresses.


Jane Fonda contemplating wedding no. 4? "The 71-year-old actress recently revealed she'd found love with 67-year-old record producer Richard Perry."

Will the opposite marriage crowd disapprove since there's no possibility of reproduction by, uh, traditional means?


George Clooney suing paparazzi for snapping photos of 13-year-old on his property. "George Clooney is gearing up for a legal war in Italy -- claiming invasive paparazzi climbed over the wall of his Italian home and shot a topless photo of a 13-year-old girl changing in one of his guest rooms."

Whatsa matter you, George? You can afford a villa, but not curtains? Sheesh!


Bob Dylan mistaken for hobo.

This is news? He's always looked like something the cat dragged in.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 17, 2009 8:47 AM | Report abuse

Virile Alaskan Levi Johnston says he'd pose nude for the right price.

So now that we've established what you really are, it's just a matter of haggling over the price.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 17, 2009 8:52 AM | Report abuse

Things I don't need to read over breakfast "Levi Johnston" and "nude" in the same sentence.

Can we introduce Levi to Hailey? Methinks (well, actually I don't know what our Methinks thinks). lady doth protest too much.

Finally a remake that does not automatically make me gag. Now if they just don't "update" it by throwing in gratious(sp?) sex and violence.

On the other hand, do we really want to hear Jennifer sing? Somehow, I doubt all that time she spent with John Mayer was for singing lessons.

Posted by: epjd | August 17, 2009 8:58 AM | Report abuse

Bob Dylan mistaken for a hobo, only because he was muttering incomprehensibly, which is so out of character for him.


First Paula can't get a raise on Idol and now she can't even get a cameo? Girl it's time you got a better agent.


I'm really hoping Jennifer Love Hewitt is starting a new trend. I'll play singles against her any day.


These are how I read some of the headlines this morning:

Rumer Willis celebrates 21st birthday in Las Vegas... Amid protests.

Alyssa Milano marries... Reality TV "star" Omarosa

What can I say, I had a long weekend.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | August 17, 2009 9:09 AM | Report abuse

"Bob Dylan mistaken for hobo." Turns out he had a legitimate reason to be out on the pavement, worrying about the government.


"Jennifer Aniston to sing in next movie." Does this mean she's given up trying to act?


I can't imagine that Levi Johnston's "right price" won't be spent that same day on a 6-pack on Bud Light.


"Rosie O'Donnell separated from longtime partner?" I guess there was a Hasselbeck fan in the house after all.

Posted by: byoolin1 | August 17, 2009 9:27 AM | Report abuse

George Michael arrested.
Bobby Brown misses court.
Jerry Seinfield as a TV guest.
Robin Williams period.

All next on the newest reality show: "Project Has-Been." Watch (please?) what happens. (Yeah, we don't care either.)

"George Clooney suing paparazzi for snapping photos of 13-year-old on his property." -- New girlfriend?

"Dad pushing Jessica Simpson as replacement for Paula Abdul on 'Idol'" -- Nah. I'd rather see Jessica on "Dancing with the St--- oh, wait...

"Katie Holmes's clothing line to launch this fall" -- The thetan-free line features versatile handy pockets to hold your monitor and/or husband.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | August 17, 2009 9:36 AM | Report abuse

"[George Michael] was also twice cautioned for possessing cannabis after being found asleep at the wheel of his car on two separate occasions in 2006."

-I can't blame him. He did remind everyone to "Wake me up before you go-go."

"Brad Pitt talks pot, religion with Bill Maher."

-Everyone discusses pot and religion with Bill Maher.

"George Michael arrested after car crash... Michael Phelps admits he drank before car accident (but police say crash caused by other driver)."

-But the real question is what was George Michael doing driving around in Baltimore?

Posted by: mdreader01 | August 17, 2009 10:24 AM | Report abuse

"Levi Johnston says he'd pose nude for the right price" -- Northern Exposure?

"Beyonce's bad hair day" -- Hello, Rick James!

I swear it's like 80s/90s day in Celebritology. The only things we're missing are Boys II Men and a "Designing Women" marathon.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | August 17, 2009 10:28 AM | Report abuse

Jerry Seinfeld to be first guest on Leno's new show. Great - another show about nothing.

Posted by: northgs | August 17, 2009 11:08 AM | Report abuse

Tom DeLay to be on "Dancing With the Stars" - it's Hammer time!

Posted by: northgs | August 17, 2009 11:09 AM | Report abuse

I saw Tom DeLay on the DTWS cast list...and I'm now torn between hysterical laughter and equally hysterical weeping.
At least he's doing this AFTER he left office. One of my recurring nightmares is of attending a ceremony in the Capitol and looking up to the dais to see Senator Speincer being sworn in. And then the skies darken, and Armageddon begins...

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | August 17, 2009 11:15 AM | Report abuse

Ouch ouch ouch! My heads hurts after trying to comprehend that update. Please make them change the name of the show to "Dancing with the Depserate"!

Posted by: kbockl | August 17, 2009 11:22 AM | Report abuse

I think we can induct Levi Johnston into the Official Master Skank Club. Levi, go have a seat over there by John, Lance and A-rod. Ick Nast.

Another Ick. Nast. George Michael has really let himself go. And unless you tend to glam it up ala Elton John old school or Liberace, white-framed, blue-lensed aviators are a big don't.

Michael Phelps, sheesh, what an idiot! Is he TRYING to ruin his career? Get a clue, kid!

Did anyone check the hospital news to see if Jennifer Love Hewitt has been admitted for broken ankles?

Brain bleach please for the Robin Williams story.

Happy 21st, Rumer! Cute photo of her.


Posted by: hodie | August 17, 2009 11:25 AM | Report abuse

Already have a favorite for DWTS. Mark Dacascos, the Iron Chef Chairman! Luv him!

Posted by: hodie | August 17, 2009 11:28 AM | Report abuse

Already have a favorite for DWTS. Mark Dacascos, the Iron Chef Chairman! Luv him!

Posted by: hodie | August 17, 2009 11:28 AM
==================
Will they pipe in those "whoosh whoosh" sound effects everytime he moves?

Posted by: mdreader01 | August 17, 2009 11:47 AM | Report abuse

In the Rumer Willis birthday bash picture, is that Demi holding the cake?

How did Robin Williams survive getting waxed? He's so hairy that he was inducted as a honorary Quatchi. The same could be said for Madonna's hoo-hah.

Jennifer Love Hewitt was not playing tennis. She was in character, playing the role of a high-end hooker who finds her Johns on the celebrity tennis circuit. A client with day-glow yellow balls is a turn-on for her.

Props to northgs for the Jerry Seinfeld-Jay Leno remark.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 17, 2009 12:07 PM | Report abuse

Why did I read it as "Bob Dylan mistaken for homo"?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 17, 2009 12:08 PM | Report abuse

October's Cosmo Cover Headline:

Levi's Johnson: Wild Alaskan

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 17, 2009 12:12 PM | Report abuse

October's Cosmo Cover Headline:

Levi's Johnson: Wild Alaskan

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 17, 2009 12:12 PM
============================
If he has crabs, does that make him the "The Itchiest Catch"?

Posted by: mdreader01 | August 17, 2009 12:31 PM | Report abuse

td
"Levi Johnston says he'd pose nude for the right price" -- Northern Exposure?

How about a reenactment of Cicely's ammual Running of the Bulls?


Re DWTS: If they're gonna have Tom "The Hammer"DeLay, then shouldn't they also have, oh, I don't know, say, William "Cold Cash" Jefferson?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 17, 2009 1:07 PM | Report abuse

Vanessa Hudgens heard she was up for a Lizzie in the Best Fake Romance category and is pulling out all the stops.

Posted by: yellojkt | August 17, 2009 1:09 PM | Report abuse

Make that "annual."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 17, 2009 1:12 PM | Report abuse

"Hammer" DeLay should go up against Lenny "Nails" Dykstra, who needs the money now that his investment portfolio has tanked.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 17, 2009 1:19 PM | Report abuse

Jane Fonda contemplating wedding no. 4? "The 71-year-old actress recently revealed she'd found love with 67-year-old record producer Richard Perry."

Will the opposite marriage crowd disapprove since there's no possibility of reproduction by, uh, traditional means?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 17, 2009 8:47 AM

Keep in mind that they also disapprove of gay marriage because it makes a mockery of such a sacred institution. Getting married for the 4th time apparently shows how good you are at weddings.

Posted by: MzFitz | August 17, 2009 1:21 PM | Report abuse

Oh, please, Liz. We so need your observations on Tom Delay!

Posted by: changling | August 17, 2009 1:30 PM | Report abuse

Re DWTS: If they're gonna have Tom "The Hammer"DeLay, then shouldn't they also have, oh, I don't know, say, William "Cold Cash" Jefferson?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker |

*********************************************

Well I think Mr. Delay has shown that he is much more capable of dancing around an indictment than Mr. Jefferson.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | August 17, 2009 1:30 PM | Report abuse

MzFitz, Astute point. Jane can't hold a candle to Liz Taylor, ZsaZsa Gabor, Larry King or Mickey Rooney.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 17, 2009 1:39 PM | Report abuse

Lizards, Raise your hands, er claws, if you'd have liked to see Mark Sanford doing the Argentine Tango.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 17, 2009 1:44 PM | Report abuse

Nosy, It's not too late. They could always have him as a special guest performer.

Posted by: reddragon1 | August 17, 2009 1:53 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus
Well I think Mr. Delay has shown that he is much more capable of dancing around an indictment than Mr. Jefferson.

Hasn't Scooter Libby's foot healed adequately?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 17, 2009 1:55 PM | Report abuse

Lizards, Raise your hands, er claws, if you'd have liked to see Mark Sanford doing the Argentine Tango.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 17, 2009 1:44 PM

Nosy, that sounds like a Pay-Per-View event.

Posted by: northgs | August 17, 2009 1:59 PM | Report abuse

ROFL on the comments today! The Lizards are in fine form.

Bob Dylan being mistaken for a hobo fits, although it's not as funny as when security found Harrison Ford asleep in Calista Flockhart's car and thought he was a homeless vagrant. Aging's tough.

Robin Williams waxed? Holy mackerel, is there any wax left in the known universe?

Tom DeLay? TOM DELAY? Boy is DWTS scraping bottom now. Who's next, Hailey Glassman?

Posted by: Californian11 | August 17, 2009 2:01 PM | Report abuse

KARNAK THE MAGNIFICENT: [tears open an envelope and reads] Donny Osmond, Kathy Ireland, Macy Gray, Melissa Joan Hart, Aaron Carter, Kelly Osbourne, Debbie Mazar and former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

ED MCMAHON: Donny Osmond, Kathy Ireland, Macy Gray, Melissa Joan Hart, Aaron Carter, Kelly Osbourne, Debbie Mazar and former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay

KARNAK THE MAGNIFICENT: [glares at ED] May your heirs find themselves one day having to pay Joe Jackson $5,000 just to go to your funeral, and another $5,000 to keep him from urinating on your fresh grave.

ED MCMAHON: [clearly hurt, his voice barely above a whisper] Donny Osmond, Kathy Ireland, Macy Gray, Melissa Joan Hart, Aaron Carter, Kelly Osbourne, Debbie Mazar and former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay

KARNAK THE MAGNIFICENT: Name seven people who you wonder, "where are they now?" and one for whom you wouldn't bother to file a missing persons report.

Posted by: byoolin1 | August 17, 2009 2:01 PM | Report abuse

byoolin
Name... one for whom you wouldn't bother to file a missing persons report.

Is this some kind of Celebritology Rorschach Test, or what?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 17, 2009 2:11 PM | Report abuse

Re. Madonna's (aka Exodonna) outfit ... I used to admire Madonna for her edgy chameleon-like style. She was always changing. Why is she still parading around in that tired old dominatrix outfit that makes her look even more gristly?

Posted by: Californian11 | August 17, 2009 2:28 PM | Report abuse

Nosy, if Mark Sanford appears, will he ahve to dance in hiking boots? And if he's voted of the show, would the judges tell him to "hit the trail"?

And yes, Northgs, Mark Sanford doing the tango would be a pay-per-view event, as opposed to Madonna's hoo-hah, which is a free show.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 17, 2009 2:34 PM | Report abuse

The cops thought the disheveled Bob Dylan was a homeless person or an old man with dimentia. Hilarious. The sad part is if the police had asked him to recite lyrics to his songs to prove he really was Dylan he probably couldn't have done it.

Posted by: buffysummers | August 17, 2009 2:58 PM | Report abuse

Buffy, even if Dylan were able to recite the lyrics, the police wouldn't have been able to understand him anyway -- reminds me of that joke about the poor people of Africa taking up a collection to remove Bob Dylan from the recording of We Are the World ("iss truwe maka betteday, jesshoo in mee").

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | August 17, 2009 3:49 PM | Report abuse

Ok, so since no one else has said it, I will.

Judge differs with Bobby Brown and says choosing to skip court is not his perogative, arrest warrant issued.

Posted by: hodie | August 17, 2009 4:59 PM | Report abuse

Donny Osmond, Kathy Ireland, Macy Gray, Melissa Joan Hart, Aaron Carter, Kelly Osbourne, Debbie Mazar and former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay sign on to "Dancing With the Stars" fall season. --
So, when are they changing to the name of the show to "Dancing with the 'Stars'"?

-The Poster Formerly Known as Snarky Squirrel

Posted by: 7900rmc | August 17, 2009 6:22 PM | Report abuse

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