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Posted at 8:37 AM ET, 08/27/2009

Kate Gosselin to Guest Host 'The View'; Liam Neeson Becomes American Citizen

By Liz Kelly
Thursday

Headlines: Kate Gosselin to sub for Elisabeth Hasselbeck on "The View"... Jon Gosselin denies saying he wants off "Jon and Kate"... Liam Neeson becomes American citizen... Neil Patrick Harris helps judge "American Idol"... Chris Brown to attend group counseling in Virginia, tapes interview with Larry King... Bob Dylan to be voice of in-car GPS system?... Eddie Cibrian files for divorce... Celebrity-crime writer Dominick Dunne dead at 83... Mel Gibson's girlfriend sues over lingerie photos... Gerard Butler feuding with Queens couple over dog scuffle.

Crime Watch: Police investigating possible link between Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge break-ins, Lilo says "old friend" may have been responsible... Ryan Jenkins's sister may have helped him elude police.

Video: Anne Heche calls ex "lazy" on Letterman...

More: Britney Spears/Russell Brand MTV VMAs promo...

Rumor Mill: Redmond O'Neal lands reality show deal... Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart buying $3 million Hollywood home?... Another alleged Michael Jackson love child surfaces... Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter engaged?

Not News: Megan Fox not set to play Catwoman.

Chat Day: Join me for today's Celebritology Live chat at 2 p.m. ET with special guest Leslie Gornstein (aka E!'s Answer Bitch). Then stick around for The "Lost" Hour's summer review of season 2 at 3 p.m. ET.

By Liz Kelly  | August 27, 2009; 8:37 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Comments

Minka Jeter is a stupid name. Emily Jeter rolls off the tongue so much better.

Geez Kate. You're going through a divorce with 8 kids in the middle, I think the last thing you need is to be on the view. But you sure would fill the annoyance quota in Elisabeth's absence.

Posted by: eet7e | August 27, 2009 8:46 AM | Report abuse

Anne Heche is the best interview EVER - the last few seconds are priceless and so Honest! Thanks for posting it!!

Posted by: cindyismom | August 27, 2009 8:47 AM | Report abuse

"Bob Dylan to be voice of in-car GPS system?"

LOL! Sounds like someone is pulling your leg.

Through the magic of technology, Gregory Peck would be a much better choice. I'd take directions from him any day.

Posted by: jezebel3 | August 27, 2009 8:51 AM | Report abuse

"Celebrity-crime writer Dominick Dunne dead at 83"

RIP. Thanks for the entertaining writing.

Posted by: jezebel3 | August 27, 2009 8:52 AM | Report abuse

A Bob Dylan GPS? Yeah that'll help make the directions less confusing.


A local radio station interviewed Heidi Pratt this morning. After listening to it I felt like I lost a few brain cells. I'm going to need a little time to recover from that one.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | August 27, 2009 9:06 AM | Report abuse

Mel Gibson's baby-mama suing over lingerie photos. I thought she *was* a lingerie model at some point...?

Bob Dylan to be the voice of in-car GPS systems. That's got to be a joke. Now, if the headline was, "Bob Dylan to be the voice of mass-transit systems," it would be believable - they're already incomprehensible.

Liam Neeson, welcome, and thanks for choosing to join us. Would Ireland like Megan Fox in trade? Perhaps a Gosselin or nine?

Derek Jeter engaged to Minka Kelly? Hmmm... there's a celebrity relationship that's thus far been kept on the down low.

Posted by: northgs | August 27, 2009 9:48 AM | Report abuse

I got an idea for a new reality show. Jon+Kate - minus 8 meets Heincer. It will show the couple living on a desert island. Except there will be no film in the cameras and no one will arrive to rescue them.

I can see the 2010 accident reports now. Cause: Trying to understand Bob Dylan's directions.

Whoever broke into Lilo and Audrey Partridge's homes makes the David Caruso stalker look sane.

Posted by: epjd | August 27, 2009 9:49 AM | Report abuse

Who would have thought that adding Kate Gosselin to the cast of a show would raise the collective cast IQ?

Jon Gosselin denies saying that he wants off the show. Jon meant to say that he wants the show off the air.

I can't wait until I take a wrong turn and my Bob Dylan GPS sings,

"How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home?"


With Derek Jeter playing shortstop, will Minka Kelly ever make it to Third Base with him?

Oksana Grigorieva is right. The world should not see her in lingerie. The world should not have to see her at all.

How would have Gerard Butler reacted if the greyhound had attempted a doggie-style meeting with Jennifer Aniston?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 27, 2009 9:54 AM | Report abuse

Liam, we're glad to have you!

Posted by: jaybbub | August 27, 2009 9:55 AM | Report abuse

In other Bobby Dylan news - I heard yesterday that he's releasing a Christmas album this fall. People!! A Bob Dylan Christmas album!! Could this be a sign of the Apocalypse? Discuss.

Posted by: jaybbub | August 27, 2009 9:57 AM | Report abuse

The Gosselins must be stopped. I'm done, you hear me? DONE.

I used to be a Dominick Dunne junkie ever since I stayed up until 4 a.m. one night finishing "The Two Mrs. Grenvilles." What a compellingly trashy read. I imagine that right about now, Ted Kennedy is greeting him at the Pearly Gates with a left hook in retribution for Dunne's Skakel "novel," "A Season in Purgatory."

Did I not suggest an O'Neal family reality show months ago? Though the charm fades without Farrah, unless John McEnroe could be persuaded to stop by now and then and say, "Redmond, you can't be serious. You CAN'T. Be SERIOUS."

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | August 27, 2009 10:01 AM | Report abuse

Kate Gosselin subbing for Elisabeth Hasselbeck - finally, an answer to the question, "Is there anyone with LESS talent than Hasselbeck to host the show?"


The Bob Dylan GPS - instead of "recalculating" it says, "OnStar don't work
'Cause the vandals took the handles."


Where does Gerard Butler find time to feud? I went to see Inglourious Basterds the other day and I am pretty sure he was in every. single. preview.


Lilo's "old friend" involved in those break-ins (and possibly others): G. Gordon Liddy.


For a suposedly dead asexual pedophile, Michael Jackson sure did spread his seed widely...

Posted by: byoolin1 | August 27, 2009 10:05 AM | Report abuse

I've got an IDEA! Bag the Dylan GPS and offer a choice of Jon or Kate instead!

KATE GOSSELIN GPS: "Is your seat belt on? Hey. LISTEN TO ME. More car accidents are caused by--- oh good, I heard the click. You'll thank me later. Start the car but don't grind the clutch like last time. Check behind you; do I see an open water bottle, Maddy? WHAT DID MOMMY SAY ABOUT THAT? Wait, Speedy Gonzales, you didn't look both ways before backing up. Now, turn left and proceed exactly 3.1415927 feet to the Stop sign at no more than 4 MPH. EYES FRONT...."

JON GOSSELIN GPS: "Just drive straight, buddy. Yeah that's good. Man, isn't it great to drive without being NAGGED? Jon this, Jon that. Wait, I see a cute girl -- the blonde at 11 o'clock. How old you think she is, 20? Pull over and see if she wants to have a drink at that bar approximately a quarter mile up on your right just beyong the traffic light at Main Street...."

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | August 27, 2009 10:13 AM | Report abuse

td, the Lizard Island Networks' first show to break into regular network TV! I'm so excited!

ep, sounds like your show is next.

If Dylan won't be the voice on my GPS "turn right and go [mumble,mumble mumble] then turn [mumble]", how about Ozzie Osborn?

I know I am so looking forward to not seeing Megan Fox as Catwoman. I think whoever suggested the possibility should issue a public apology to Michelle Pfeifer. AND do community service.

Posted by: reddragon1 | August 27, 2009 10:53 AM | Report abuse

Next thing you know, Prince Spaghetti will claim to be Michael Jackson's Love Pasta.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 27, 2009 11:15 AM | Report abuse

The Bob Dylan GPS - instead of "recalculating" it says, "OnStar don't work
'Cause the vandals took the handles."

Comment.of.the.year.

Posted by: memphis1 | August 27, 2009 11:19 AM | Report abuse

First: Welcome, Mr. Neeson! It's an honor to have you with us.

Um, so...has Eddie Cibrian done anything notable beyond possibly knockin' boots with LeAnn Rimes? I had to read to the end of the article just to find out who he was and why I should be interested. (I'm still not.)

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | August 27, 2009 11:52 AM | Report abuse

The Two Mrs. Grenvilles
****
based on a true story out of NYC, td. the woodwards. the son who was murdered by his wife owned the famous racehorse nashua, whose photo is in my office as i sit here and type. the truth was even better than the dunne story, altho' the story cadged most of the details from the original case. truman capote also referred to the original crime in his unfinished story "answered prayers" that ended his friendship w/the lah tee dah ladies in nyc. ann woodward, the murderess, killed herself shortly after the story was released in vanity fair or some such mag.

Posted by: frieda406 | August 27, 2009 11:52 AM | Report abuse

Can someone explain to me how a network can still have an awards show for something that they are no longer associated with? I haven't seen a music video in its entirety on that television channel in at least 5 years.

Posted by: MzFitz | August 27, 2009 11:53 AM | Report abuse

1. why would redmond o'neal warrant (no pun intended) a reality show? what's he done except abuse narcotics and get arrested? in the old days, he'd be called a bum. today, you get a television show. arg.
2. jaybbub, i too, was stunned by the news release of a bob dylan christmas album. will he be singing new versions of alvin and the chipmunks?

Posted by: frieda406 | August 27, 2009 11:56 AM | Report abuse

NAME:Ann Woodward
Socialite, murder suspect. Late one night, allegedly believing she heard a burglar, Ann Woodward fired her shotgun twice, killing her husband. Though the question remains whether it was an accident or murder, a grand jury did not indict her.
Biography

Socialite, murder suspect. Born Evangeline Crowell in 1915 in Pittsburgh, Kansas. Following her parents' divorce and remarriages, the ambitious young beauty Evangeline Crowell moved to Kansas City and reinvented herself as Ann Eden. Her mother died in 1941 and Ann moved to New York City to pursue a career as a model and actress. Through ambition and hard work, she landed a contract with John Robert Powers modeling agency as well as numerous stage and radio roles.

While working as a showgirl at the New York City nightclub FeFe's Monte Carlo, Ann met William Woodward Sr., a wealthy heir to Hanover National Bank and Belair Farm in Maryland. She was soon courted by the Billy Woodward, William's young son, and the owner of the top-rated racehorse Nashua. Billy and Ann wed in 1943. Though she was initially shunned by high society, Ann Woodward became an adept socialite and the couple had two sons, William and James. Billy asked for a divorce in 1947, But Ann refused, unwilling to give up her wealth and social status.

In the fall of 1955, a string of burglaries occurred in the Woodwards' neighborhood. Late one night, allegedly believing she heard a burglar, Ann fired her shotgun twice, killing her husband. Though the question remains whether it was an accident or murder, a grand jury did not indict her. After Billy's death, the door to society slammed shut for Ann. Both of her sons would eventually commit suicide.

In 1975, Truman Capote published a thinly veiled account of the Woodwards' story, Answered Prayers, which accused Ann of outright murder. The past dug up for all to see, Ann Woodward killed herself by taking a cyanide pill. The story was also adapted by Dominick Dunne in the Two Mrs. Grenvilles.

Posted by: frieda406 | August 27, 2009 11:58 AM | Report abuse

Hey frieda406, thanks. I remembered there was a real-life source but not the details. What a sad story. (But what a great book.)

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | August 27, 2009 12:04 PM | Report abuse

Hey frieda406. Nice copy/paste job. Do you have anything original to add to the typing?

Posted by: jezebel3 | August 27, 2009 12:10 PM | Report abuse

Jon Gosselin denies saying that he wants off the show. Jon meant to say that he wants the show off the air.

**
Jon just really wants the checks. I still don't know why he didn't get a "real" job if he was so unhappy as stay-at-home dad like every other dad that has a family.

Oh, and Kate should think about getting a "real" job also now that her kids are in school. I know lots of moms that have gone back to work now that their kids are school age. AND I know lots of moms with real jobs because they realize that KIDS COST MONEY TO RAISE!! (what a bunch of selfish people.)

Are Joy Behar & Whoopi still on the View? Perhaps they can slap some sense into Kate during one of her shows. Even if there's no sense involved, I'd just like to watch her get slapped!!

Anne Heche was funny! I like how she described her ex-husband's job.

(They look like selfish Octo-Parents.)

Posted by: anonymouslurker | August 27, 2009 12:13 PM | Report abuse

sorry: the octo-parents comment was supposed to be up there with J+K stuff.

Also, does Dominick Dunne complete a triple? I did enjoy reading his Vanity Fair articles. He seemed almost tortured. Kind of like John Walsh until they were able to confirm the identity of his son Adam's killer.

Posted by: anonymouslurker | August 27, 2009 12:21 PM | Report abuse

Neil Patrick Harris hosting "Idol" -- once again, poor Jake Gyllenhaal loses a chance at a gig.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | August 27, 2009 12:39 PM | Report abuse

Kate G on the View. Wonder if she'll bring the kids?

Again, Welcome Liam!

Dougie does Idol! And on an audition show, this will be great. Bring on the snark.

The navigation system Lady seems to get an attitude when I turn the wrong way, Bob Dylan could be an improvement but I think I would be making more wrong turns.

Posted by: hodie | August 27, 2009 12:43 PM | Report abuse

Woah- was I censored for saying that Kate Gosselin was a Fame Wh0re?

Posted by: Guest1234 | August 27, 2009 12:49 PM | Report abuse

So much for speaking truth to power, Guest1234.

Posted by: northgs | August 27, 2009 1:24 PM | Report abuse

Adding to the list of celebs who inexplicably reproduce against all obvious odds ... how could Jacko have produced so many offspring? Between the voice, the looks, the body and the dollies he slept with, the guy didn't exactly exude virility.

Posted by: Californian11 | August 27, 2009 2:13 PM | Report abuse

And the summer of death continues. . .

Was Dunne #2 or #3 of this week's Death Trifecta? I've lost track.

_________

"Between the voice, the looks, the body and the dollies he slept with, the guy didn't exactly exude virility."

Posted by: Californian11 | August 27, 2009 2:13 PM

So, Californian, is "dollies" a West Coast slang term for little boys??

-The Poster Formerly Known as Snarky Squirrel

Posted by: 7900rmc | August 27, 2009 2:55 PM | Report abuse

You're lost.

The anonymous nav system voice, "Calculating route"

Bob Dylan, "Strap yourself to a tree with roots you ain't going nowhere"

Get in the left lane, then move to the right lane for a right turn.

Nav system: "Keep to the left followed by a keep to the right followed by a right turn."

Bob Dylan: "To everything, turn, turn, turn."

You've reached your destination.

Nav System: "Destination on the left in point two miles. You have arrived."

Bob Dylan: "Beyond here lies nothin'."


Posted by: mdreader01 | August 27, 2009 2:58 PM | Report abuse

Snarky Squirrel, (SQUIRREL! ... sorry, that was my UP moment) I have received by email a totally tasteless horrible joke that I disavow any responsibility for (even though I have to admit I laughed, so I guess I'm going to he11):

When Farrah Fawcett arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter said God would grant her one wish before she entered heaven.

She said that she wanted all the children in the world to be safe.

So God ...

(fill in the punchline)

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | August 27, 2009 3:13 PM | Report abuse

...made Michael Jackson die.

(Except, cat, that it now appears that MJ may have actually been dead before Farrah).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 27, 2009 3:18 PM | Report abuse

sorcerers_cat, that joke is terrible! especially since we all know that he is alive and well hanging out with Elvis and D. B. Cooper.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | August 27, 2009 3:18 PM | Report abuse

actually Nosy, it was "killed Michael Jackson"

Yeah, I know. Terrible.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | August 27, 2009 3:31 PM | Report abuse

A moment of silence, followed by a medley of her hits please, for Brill Building legend Ellie Greenwich, who's also just died.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 27, 2009 3:44 PM | Report abuse

Laura Linney to star in cancer comedy on TV

Linney's a marvelous actor, but it's not exactly new ground. Candice Bergen's "Murphy Brown" devoted its final season to this plotline in homage to her late husband Louis Malle (although the writers gave Murphy breast cancer instead).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 27, 2009 3:48 PM | Report abuse

cat
actually Nosy, it was "killed Michael Jackson"

True. This is what I get for trying to be first with the punchline.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 27, 2009 3:49 PM | Report abuse

So does one wear a minka kelly in the winter or if they've had a botched brazilion/manzilion?

PS Jez your internal snark comments lack the verve and fun of your celeb snark, why not just stick to what we all love and want to read?

Posted by: LTL1 | August 27, 2009 4:14 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, have you seen D.B. lately? If so, tell him that Sasquatch sends regards and has a cold one reserved for D.B.

D.B.....

Now that man could throw a party.....

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 27, 2009 4:40 PM | Report abuse

Sas, you mean you didn't barbecue ol' D.B. for dinner?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 27, 2009 4:53 PM | Report abuse

Barbecue D.B.?!?

Hell, no! D.B. used to make barbecue runs to the Vancouver Famous Dave's for the whole Quatch clan.

D.B. was one of the guys. We made him an honorary cryptid.

The keg parties that D.B. used to host eventually gave rise to this:

http://www.northwestlegendsfoundation.org/sasquatch_brewfest.html

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 27, 2009 5:01 PM | Report abuse

"So, Californian, is "dollies" a West Coast slang term for little boys??"

Tee hee. No, Squirrel, I actually meant dollies literally. Apparently a life-sized doll was found in his bed after his death. Probably one of many, many very weird things in that house ...

Posted by: Californian11 | August 27, 2009 6:45 PM | Report abuse

Hi Californian--seems like us westcoasters are the only ones left today!

I'd forgotten that bit about the doll. *shudder* Do you think there's any chance in he11 that those kids will grow up to be normal adults?

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | August 27, 2009 6:52 PM | Report abuse

I sure hope so. Many have triumphed over greater odds ... depends, I suppose, on how much they are shielded from all the yuck in the media about their father, all his purported "love children" coming out of the woodwork, drugs, etc. etc. etc ... and how much "papa Joe" (shudder) plays in their upbringing from now on.

Posted by: Californian11 | August 27, 2009 7:55 PM | Report abuse

Anne Heche has always been a no-class, minimally talented hack. She's certified nuts, messes around with other people's husbands, and now she trashes her son's father. If the roles were reversed, would she be called lazy? Nah, she'd be a good mother, being at home for her kid. Anne, you make Brittany Spears look sane, Joan Crawford look like a good mother, and Henry VIII look like a devoted spouse. Shaddup.

Posted by: truble2301 | August 28, 2009 5:17 AM | Report abuse

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