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Posted at 8:10 AM ET, 08/14/2009

Rosie O'Donnell Slams Elisabeth Hasselbeck; Posh Returns to 'Idol'

By Liz Kelly

New Orleans resident Joni Lyn Bisset gives a thumbs-up sign as she wears a 'Brad Pitt for Mayor' T-shirt. Pitt, however, ain't interested. (AP)
Friday

Headlines: One-time "View"-ster Rosie O'Donnell slams co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck... Victoria Beckham returns to "Idol" judge's seat... Abbie Cornish opens up about her relationship with Ryan Phillippe... Matt Damon packs on 30 pounds for movie role... Lily Allen tries to sell $5,000 watch on Twitter... Jessica Simpson caught in another earthquake... Mike Tyson says acting has helped him cope with daughter's death... Mariah Carey pushes back release of new album... Pam Anderson doesn't want to leave trailer park... Sherri Shepherd tried to help Andy Dick find God... Director says Charlize Theron "drinks like a fish and swears like a sailor"... Bono's wife suing Stella McCartney over rights to the word "nude"... Jerry O'Connell enrolls in law school... Octopop Jon Gosselin hosting Las Vegas pool party... Nadya Suleman says she "screwed herself" by having eight babies... Tony Danza to teach 10th-graders.

Pix: Dane Cook, Jeremy Piven and Kid Rock in Vegas (warning: some *may* consider this photo NSFW)... Lindsay Lohan, tube top bra, uneven fake tan in Texas.

Video: Regis Philbin grills Kate Gosselin... Jon Hamm, the early years (More Jon Hamm).

Rumor Mill: Doctor left Michael Jackson alone after administering anesthetic... Patrick Swayze hospitalized for a week (but back home now)... Jon and Kate Gosselin's divorce to be finalized in September?... Katie Holmes annoyed with Tom Cruise for chatting with fans?

By Liz Kelly  | August 14, 2009; 8:10 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: 2009 Celebritology Honors: A Little Help?

Comments

Rosie bodyslams Elisabeth? Oh! Get Elisabeth a script for Boniva! I hear bones cracking!

Posted by: elias_howe | August 14, 2009 8:22 AM | Report abuse

BTW, any pix with Cook, Rock and Piven is NSFA!

(not suitable for anywhere)

Posted by: elias_howe | August 14, 2009 8:25 AM | Report abuse

"New Orleans resident Joni Lyn Bisset gives a thumbs-up sign as she wears a 'Brad Pitt for Mayor' T-shirt."

Brillant design. Brad's face on the
T-shirt lands on a boob!

Posted by: jezebel3 | August 14, 2009 8:48 AM | Report abuse

Charlize Theron "drinks like a fish and swears like a sailor"...
__________________________________

I knew I liked this woman for some reason...

Posted by: Osteph | August 14, 2009 8:49 AM | Report abuse

Hey welcome back elias!


Jessica Simpson in another earthquake? Was Matt Damon dancing nearby?


Pamela, the saying goes you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. I think you have it backwards.


Octo-mom, wasn't the whole point of the IVF to screw yourself?


Liz, I volunteer to be your local reporter on the filming of Machete. Especially if I can get an in depth interview with Michelle Rodriguez or Jessica Alba.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | August 14, 2009 8:55 AM | Report abuse

Er, Rosie O'Donnell: you left The View TWENTY-SEVEN MONTHS AGO. Still b*tching about your ex-coworkers more than two years later is kind of sad. Not as sad as that variety show thing, but still...

(Also, FOX News: the word you were looking for in the Rosie story is "eliciting," not "illiciting," as in " eliciting roars of laughter." What are you guys, eliterate?)


Abbie Cornish + Ryan Phillippe = Cornlippe?


"Jessica Simpson caught in another earthquake..." ...and I'm beginning to wonder about that whole 'correlation does not imply causality' thing.


"Mike Tyson says acting has helped him cope with daughter's death..." It worked for Charles Lindbergh. (That one is for spret07.)


"Pam Anderson doesn't want to leave trailer park..." So now you can't even take the girl out of the trailer park.


"Sherri Shepherd tried to help Andy Dick find God." But only after God helped Sherri Shepherd find Dick.

Posted by: byoolin1 | August 14, 2009 9:45 AM | Report abuse

Oh, and welcome back, Elias. (Neat bit of trivia: the Beatles' movie "Help!" is dedicated to Elias Howe.)

And sorry for stepping on your Pammy joke, Dorkus.

Posted by: byoolin1 | August 14, 2009 9:48 AM | Report abuse

Creepy pictures of Posh. How long ago did she die? And how do they keep her body upright like that?

Posted by: tomtildrum | August 14, 2009 9:53 AM | Report abuse

Thanks Dorkus.

I have been off researching my new book "Inventions That Only an Inventor Could Love." Subtitled "Esoteric or Obtuse? Why not both?"

This trek had taken me to a mysterious land where the only inhabitants were females over 6' tall. Even more enigmatic was that all the tribe members resembled either ScarJo or Salma. I was sentenced by the tribal council for this transgression to a lifetime of servitude, servicing any tribe member who petitioned the council.

Mrs. Howe found me a month into the sentence and we returned to our home. She then had to confine me to the basement workshop for several months until the smile faded from my face.

I am back now. Hugs and Kisses to all

Elias

P.S. If you have noticed a world wide shortage of certain medicines that cause people to spontaneously break into dance while riding elevators and then bathe in separate tubs while watching sunsets, ah, many, many tribe members petitioned the council. :)

Posted by: anonthistime | August 14, 2009 9:57 AM | Report abuse

byoo it's all good. You know what they say about great minds and all. Sort of like Alexander Graham Bell and Elisha Gray.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | August 14, 2009 10:06 AM | Report abuse

Hold me closer, Tony Danza.

Posted by: kbockl | August 14, 2009 10:14 AM | Report abuse

Worst one-liners ever. I can't seriously imagine people reading this and laughing so I am assuming you all just say that to make each other feel good.

It's pretty astonishing that two people independently made a joke about "can't take the girl out of the trailer park..." because that definitely isn't the most obvious comment in the universe to make. I mean, what are the odds?

I still you guys are digging through the trash outside the monologue writers' room at Leno's show.

Posted by: spret07 | August 14, 2009 10:19 AM | Report abuse

I actually find Pamela Anderson's take on the trailer park refreshing. How often do celebs step outside of their hyped up lives? I think a big house would be a chore. A one bedroom trailer might be a bit too small but I think she's got the right idea.

Posted by: Roxie1 | August 14, 2009 10:27 AM | Report abuse

Too bad it wasn't Dane Cook, Jeremy Piven and CHRIS Rock in Vegas -- woulda been nice to have a comedian on hand.

Are Jon and Kate getting a Vegas divorce? Make it a marriage termination AND pool party all in one. Just don't trip over the kids with your cocktails.

Bravo Jerry O'Connell. Vern Tessio, J.D.!

And I would totally study "Julius Caesar" and "Animal Farm" with Tony Danza, for the entertainment value alone in hearing him say, "Et Tu Brute" and dissect whether Old Major represents Lenin or Marx.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | August 14, 2009 10:27 AM | Report abuse

Charlize Theron "drinks like a fish and swears like a sailor"...
__________________________________

I knew I liked this woman for some reason...

***********
osteph, you beat me to it!

Posted by: jaybbub | August 14, 2009 10:32 AM | Report abuse

Oh spret07 these aren't the worst one-liners. I suggest you read this:

http://tinyurl.com/odawb9

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | August 14, 2009 10:34 AM | Report abuse

Shouting it out to The Swayze - we love you! Stay strong!

Posted by: jaybbub | August 14, 2009 10:34 AM | Report abuse

I don't know about Stella McCartney Nude vs. Mrs. Bono Ali Hewson Nude, but if you want to see Bea Arthur nude, you've got to pop into The Daily Beast today. They've front paged it--that's how good it is!

Posted by: mdreader01 | August 14, 2009 11:17 AM | Report abuse

Spret07, all well and good. Now, let's see you spike the snark-o-meter yourself.

Posted by: northgs | August 14, 2009 11:25 AM | Report abuse

elias, did you choose today to return because it's Hans Christian Ørsted's birthday? (thanks, Google!) BTW, wouldn't one large bathtub be more fun than separate twin ones?


Lily Allen tries to sell $5,000 watch on Twitter.

Does she also send 140-character messages on eBay?


Sherri Shepherd tried to help Andy Dick find God.

I'd rather be an atheist.


Jessica Simpson caught in another earthquake.

I'm no great fan of JSimp, but in all fairness, it was just an aftershock. Sounds like she's been a real trooper through this.


Jerry O'Connell enrolls in law school.

Mad props! In this era when performers can get screwed over by dishonest managers, agents etc., I'd think more of them would want to know how to protect themselves from their "people."


Director says Charlize Theron "drinks like a fish and swears like a sailor."

Maybe fun for partying, but I'd guess not so much on the set.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 14, 2009 11:30 AM | Report abuse

"Bea Arthur nude..." That's one of those phrases that I wish I never heard. (But yes I did read the article)

And Nosy, from everything I've ever read about Charlize Theron she tends to be very professional on the set but isn't afraid to relax once the work gets done.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | August 14, 2009 11:37 AM | Report abuse

Lindsay Lohan, in a desperate attempt to revive (create?) her career, misses the point when making a movie for the boob tube.

Posted by: kabuki3 | August 14, 2009 11:38 AM | Report abuse

Jerry O'Connell enrolls in law school after determining that he cannot, in fact, support a family on the royalties from "Kangaroo Jack."

Nadya Suleman, no, you screwed your kids. All 14 of them.

Defamer got the caption right on that Cook/Piven/Rock pic: "Behold, the Vortex of D-----baggery Captured in A Single Photograph." This vortex theory also explains Jon Gosselin's presence in Vegas: like attracts like.

Posted by: northgs | August 14, 2009 11:39 AM | Report abuse

td, Tony Danza is a college grad with a degree in history. When I read an article yesterday re his teaching school, what struck me most was his comment re reading all these books AGAIN.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 14, 2009 11:40 AM | Report abuse

I see that vegetarian Liz is big into Hamm sandwiches today.

I look forward to Tony Danza showing those tenth graders who's the boss. I wonder if he'll slap them down (so to speak).

Charlize, when you're done with today's production, come on into the Tiki Bar, have a couple of shots, and talk trash with us.

That group shot of Dane Cook, Jeremy Piven and Kid Rock is an insult to self-respecting d0ucheb@gs everywhere. The caption should have included, "Not pictured: Mister Hanky."

I am pleased to see the Pamela Anderson believes that "There's no place like home."

Forget about trying to find God. Sherri Shepherd should help Andy Dick and Lindsay Lohan find each other, then step back so we can watch the galactic train wreck.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 14, 2009 12:32 PM | Report abuse

"Creepy pictures of Posh. How long ago did she die? And how do they keep her body upright like that?" -- boy, you're not kidding. Yikes.

..."Tom, clad in a cute black sweater and tight jeans, stormed up the street." Has a geigher sentence ever been written?! LOL.

Octomom/CCV, again making it all about her. Those poor kids ... I sure hope someday they don't find out their mom said she screwed herself by having them.

Posted by: Californian11 | August 14, 2009 1:16 PM | Report abuse

Someone named Thoryke has posted the following inventive terminology on this weekend's NY Times "Weasel Words" competition. It's really apt for Celebritologists to use, too, don't you think?
http://schott.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/14/weekend-competition-weasel-words/?apage=1#comments

Since many of the women weather forecasters are being dressed in low-cut blouses with hoist-em-high undergarments, we have taken to describing such "style" as "flaunting the dessert tray."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 14, 2009 3:51 PM | Report abuse

And the blast of air that lifts up the forecasters' skirts would be the Jet Stream.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | August 14, 2009 4:00 PM | Report abuse

Sas, what does that make an Alberta Clipper?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | August 14, 2009 4:10 PM | Report abuse

I am completely bewildered by the amount of coverage Jon Gosselin gets. He is not now nor ever has been a "celebrity". He is an ugly little troll who exploited his family on tv and is now a partying jerk going after girls in their 20s and ignoring his kids and he's not even divorced yet. I really wish the media would ignore him entirely until he disappears back into obscurity.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | August 14, 2009 4:41 PM | Report abuse

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