What Would Gwyneth Do? I DON'T KNOW!
So here we are in the last lingering days of summer and I've got several problems: too many tomatoes, a wardrobe not ready for a fall transition, I'm flummoxed as to what type of toilet bowl cleaner to buy to avoid speeding the planet on its way to utter environmental collapse and, most frightening of all, my upper arms are getting flabby.
How can things have gotten so messed up so quickly? It seems like it was merely a month ago that I was happily tossing summer salads and contemplating the joys of a high colonic. It was, in fact, Aug. 5 -- the last time Gwyneth Paltrow posted any instructions to us, the faithful subscribers of her weekly newsletter, GOOP.
The only celebrity guidance I've had is from that walking skeleton Rachel Zoe who yesterday did her best to convince me that $430 sequined leggings will be the linchpin of my fall wardrobe. ("They'll bring out the David Bowie flamboyant glamour in anyone.") Unfortunately, I was unable to act on this directive after dropping $1,400 on Monday's Zoe recommendation, this tangle of pearl strands and faux bling.
Where has Gwynnie gone? When will she return? How could she leave us hanging when we needed her most? What will I eat for dinner tonight? You see my point, of course. If one -- f'rinstance one transplanted Yank Oscar winner who now makes her home in London and likes it bestest of all -- puts oneself forward as a lifestyle expert, then she should not just up and stop posting when life takes her to the "Iron Man 2" set or because her home has been turned upside down for a multi-million dollar renovation.
Marthas-in-training do not get a vacation. In fact, Gwyneth should take a lesson from the real Martha who is such a fierce advice animal that she even posted tips for making the perfect martini to her Twitter feed.
| August 26, 2009; 11:03 AM ET
Categories: Celebrities, Celebrity Life Lessons, Insouciance
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