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Posted at 11:18 AM ET, 09/25/2009

Friday List: No Talent? No Problem!

By Liz Kelly

Yesterday, as is wont to happen, a reader wrote in to the weekly Celebritology Live chat with a query that makes for an excellent Friday List:

What celebrity has come the farthest with the least amount of talent?

For my money, it's Jay Leno. He couldn't be less funny, more cheesy or further past his expiration date. He is the hackiest of hacks and when trying to somehow account for his success I can only presume a) There are more blue-haired old ladies watching late night TV than I'd realized or, b) Leno has made some kind of deal with, well, diabolical forces. I mean, the man's big idea was "Jaywalking":

Please.

Who tops your list of talentless success stories? Share your picks -- and your reasons -- below...

By Liz Kelly  | September 25, 2009; 11:18 AM ET
Categories:  Friday Lists  
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Comments

So obvious....

Dane Cook. Never made me laugh, ever. And how he made enough money for his brother to embezzle $3 M from him remains a mystery to me.

Posted by: mdreader01 | September 25, 2009 11:28 AM | Report abuse

I second your Dane Cook nomination, mdreader101. He makes Jay Leno look like Richard Pryor!

Posted by: nadabraintheOriginal | September 25, 2009 11:31 AM | Report abuse

Paris Hilton, the original celebutante, who has talent only for self-promotion. She beats out Heincer only by being more well known.

Keanu Reeves also deserves a mention. Is there a more one-dimensional actor on the planet? (Not that I don't love several of his movies, but still.)

Posted by: northgs | September 25, 2009 11:36 AM | Report abuse

Well, Heincer, of course. Anyone who watched more than 5 minutes of "I'm a Celebrity..." should NEED no explanation.

Carrie Prejean, unless stupidity and inflexible beliefs are considered talents, not to mention the "assets" purchased for her by the Miss California USA organization.

Not on the list would be Lilo, even though 5 years ago we could not have predicted that her primary talent would be pulicly screwing up same-sex relationships.

Posted by: reddragon1 | September 25, 2009 11:40 AM | Report abuse

Good ones, northgs. Tho' I'd argue that Paris' ability to read the campaign you-tube video script did show some small talent.

Posted by: reddragon1 | September 25, 2009 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Jennifer Aniston. I just dont get it.

Posted by: queenb3 | September 25, 2009 11:44 AM | Report abuse

Rosie O'Donnell...

Thinks she's a singing, funny talk show host/comedienne (fail).

Thinks people really are interested in watching her whiny vlogs and that her stream of consciousness/haiku posts are pithy (not).

Posted by: dablues1 | September 25, 2009 11:45 AM | Report abuse

Jennifer Anniston definitely.

If Rumer Willis keeps getting roles though, she'll win. She's pretty awful.

Posted by: starbuck13 | September 25, 2009 11:51 AM | Report abuse

Megan Fox
Anyone associated with Twilight (seriously-I do not get the appeal of this)
Bill Paxton (although Big Love has redeemed him a bit for me)
Joy Behar

Posted by: Laura118 | September 25, 2009 12:01 PM | Report abuse

How is the lifetime achievement award not Britney Spears?

Posted by: yellojkt | September 25, 2009 12:01 PM | Report abuse

Speidi, they are useless. There is not one thing in their lives that is not for publicity. Does anyone else remember when they gave Heidi's mom a giant heart in front of the photogs?

Posted by: des13 | September 25, 2009 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Keanu Reeves: Eye candy, no question, but he is the most leaden actor I have ever seen.

Posted by: coder | September 25, 2009 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Jude Law. He's good at playing a cad, which isn't really acting.

Tom Cruise - even when he was popular, he wasn't a good actor. Box office pull more for looks than talen.

Posted by: mdem929 | September 25, 2009 12:04 PM | Report abuse

I don't know... Jennifer Aniston has pretty good comedic timing. I have found myself laughing at old eps of Friends (I would only admit that anonymously) and it's often her character that cracks me up.

My vote goes to Kevin Costner, yesterday, today and always.

Keanu Reeves is a runner up.

I refuse to dignify any reality tv type with a nomination.

Posted by: WDC2 | September 25, 2009 12:13 PM | Report abuse

Hilton's lack of talent is almost her claim to fame... same with Cook's lack of humor...

I think I'm going to go with Madonna. She couldnt sing, couldnt dance, but boy could she market herself - and since this list involves the distance between the 2 points, there's not much question that madge has come a loooooooong way up the celeb totem pole.

Posted by: quintiliusvarus | September 25, 2009 12:14 PM | Report abuse

Chris Harrison, the host of ABC's crazytown Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise.

This is a job specifically for a person whose sole talents are speaking, standing, sitting, and occassionally (but rarely) walking.

If he was a parrot or a robot - then I'd be impressed.

Posted by: molsonmich | September 25, 2009 12:16 PM | Report abuse

Jim Belushi. His ability to find work on so little talent is truly award worthy.

Posted by: marybindc | September 25, 2009 12:19 PM | Report abuse

If it's lack of talent but apparently works, Andie MacDowell.

If it's no talent and no job, Paris Hilton.

Posted by: kholmes1 | September 25, 2009 12:20 PM | Report abuse

Reality wise-the Kardashians and Kendra/anyone on The Girls Next Door. Why are they always in Us Weekly and People?

Jim Belushi is a good one. I'd also add Carlos Mencia. His show was amazingly unfunny.

Posted by: crcala | September 25, 2009 12:26 PM | Report abuse

Jay Leno is a great choice. In fact, he did not even create "Jaywalking". That is a concept that he blatantly stole from Howard Stern.

Stern has been doing this bit since the 1980's. They would go out on the streets of New York in front of his studio, grab bums and low lives off the street, bring them up to the studio, and ask them the simplest questions on the air, and laugh hysterically when they would answer incorrectly.

Leno has stolen all most of all of his successful routines from Stern and others. So aside from having no talent, he also has no creativity.

Posted by: PhilliesPhan | September 25, 2009 12:38 PM | Report abuse

Natalie Portman, by far. I respect her intelligence, but the world would be far better served if she put her brains toward something other than meticulously reciting a script.

Posted by: eet7e | September 25, 2009 12:38 PM | Report abuse

Jon and Kate, of course.

Second Britney Spears and also nominate her no-talent sister, Jamie Lynn, who had her own tv show marketed to kids.

Ryan Seacrest's success is a complete mystery to me. How has this man become wealthier than Oprah?

Also add to the list: Matthew McConaghey, Kate Hudson, Katie Holmes, Ashlee Simpson, Nicole Ritchie.

Posted by: newengland1 | September 25, 2009 12:38 PM | Report abuse

Tori Spelling.

Posted by: hodie | September 25, 2009 12:39 PM | Report abuse

I think I'm going to go with Cobra Commander. This guy runs a huge, evil organization and I've never seen him kill a single G.I. Joe. Maybe the problem is with the lasers they buy. All they ever seem to do is hit rocks to cause avalanches or make jeeps flip over. What, exactly, has Cobra Commander ever actually accomplished to make him so well known?

Posted by: karmadrome | September 25, 2009 12:54 PM | Report abuse

I agree with newengland1:
Ashlee Simpson cannot sing.
Matthew McConaghey cannot act.

Posted by: Jeannie8 | September 25, 2009 1:06 PM | Report abuse

Pretty much anyone that has become famous from a realty show, that's easy.

Jennifer Hudson would be my choice, sure she has a fine voice, but oscar winner? Her performance in the Sex & the City movie was cringeworthy, if I hadn't seen it for free, I would have asked for my money back.

Posted by: zn123 | September 25, 2009 1:25 PM | Report abuse

Scarlett Johannsen. Seriously. Watching her "act" hurts my eyeballs -- I've seen 2-by-4s that are less wooden. (I fully expect Producer Paul to come along and remove this comment!)

Ben Affleck. The male ScarJo.

-The Poster Formerly Known as Snarky Squirrel

Posted by: 7900rmc | September 25, 2009 1:33 PM | Report abuse

Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Tara Reid, Keanu Reeves, Carrot Top, Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Speidi, Ben Stiller, Kim Kardashian

Posted by: peepmonger | September 25, 2009 1:36 PM | Report abuse

Madonna is a freaking genius at self-promotion and marketing.

When it comes to real musical talent, I've seen better at the old Grog & Tankard.

Posted by: nonsensical2001 | September 25, 2009 1:44 PM | Report abuse

Snarky, your comment hurt me deeply. She was great in Lost in Translation and awesome in Match Point.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | September 25, 2009 1:45 PM | Report abuse

I don't know about Heincer and the Kardashians and other reality stars or even Rosie O'donnel now. The category is successful without talent -- not well known without talent. I don't think Heincer and the Kardashians are that successful. Neither is Carrie Prejean.

Jay Leno is successful because NBC for reasons none only to the voices in the execs heads, decided to pin all their hopes for 10 p.m. broadcast success on him.

The reality stars, except Amber and Rob, really aren't seen as saviors of a franchise, network or whatever.

Celebs who are the leads in movies and expected to carry the movie make this category. Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise, etal. They are expected to BE the show and make it winner because THEY are in it. Not because it is a great story, or anything.

So I agree with keanu Reeves and Tom Cruise -- how they still get work amazes me. I also agree with Paris HIlton because she IS successful, not just everywhere, despite her only talent being self-promotion.

Oh and Cobra Commander. Excellent point.

Posted by: epjd | September 25, 2009 1:56 PM | Report abuse

Will Ferrell - WTF?

Posted by: gamecock1 | September 25, 2009 2:25 PM | Report abuse

Spot on about Jay Leno. Just don't get why he has a job.

And - Ryan Seacrest. Just. Cannot. Stand. Him.

And - Jim Belushi, but he was believable as the guy in the gorilla suit in Trading Places. Big dumb ape. And that was the high water mark of his career.

Hmm - one can warm up to this task...

Posted by: Section416akatheAlps | September 25, 2009 2:40 PM | Report abuse

Got to be Jenine Garafolo - hands down.
She was never funny until she started doing her impressions of Rosie O'Donnell, Rachael Maddow, Michael Moore, Keith Olbermann, Joy Behar, Susan Sarandon and Barbra Striesand. Then she became hilarious...but without their good looks. I hear she won't travel above the 1st floor of any building for fear the government might blow it up. That restricts her to the basement - where she can keep her "talent" company.

Posted by: ddnfla | September 25, 2009 2:47 PM | Report abuse

Ryan Seacrest. There's no there there.

Posted by: PhilThijou | September 25, 2009 3:08 PM | Report abuse

I never heard of most of these people.

Posted by: trh123 | September 25, 2009 3:16 PM | Report abuse

Sarah Silverman.

That is all.

Posted by: jes11 | September 25, 2009 3:43 PM | Report abuse

Ben Stiller. Nothing in his entire career has made me laugh. Ditto for Dane Cook.

Schwarzenegger. He's big and talks funny. Talent? Not a lick.

Edward James Olmos. I've met bricks with a greater range.

Posted by: lostinthemiddle | September 25, 2009 3:47 PM | Report abuse

While Paris Hilton, Nichole Richie and anyone with the name Kardashian deserves mistrust, I have to say Kathy Griffin. Her act is making fun of these people, which means she is a lower level of hell looking up at them to make her life.

Posted by: tnman45_2000 | September 25, 2009 3:57 PM | Report abuse

Kelli Pickler-untalented and dumb to boot.

Posted by: MerrillFrank | September 25, 2009 4:04 PM | Report abuse

David Caruso

Posted by: Farfalle1 | September 25, 2009 4:09 PM | Report abuse

My goodness, how soon we forget the ultimate no-talent queen of them all, Kathie Lee Gifford!

Posted by: dhenken1 | September 25, 2009 4:14 PM | Report abuse

David Caruso - so true! When he left NYPD Blue I figured he'd disappear. Nope! Still making the big bucks.

Posted by: Vienna8425 | September 25, 2009 4:16 PM | Report abuse

I think I'm going to go with Cobra Commander. This guy runs a huge, evil organization and I've never seen him kill a single G.I. Joe. Maybe the problem is with the lasers they buy. All they ever seem to do is hit rocks to cause avalanches or make jeeps flip over. What, exactly, has Cobra Commander ever actually accomplished to make him so well known?

Posted by: karmadrome | September 25, 2009 12:54 PM | Report abuse
-----------------------------------
Concur with comment:
-SINGLE COOLEST POST EVER. PERIOD.

Posted by: thepearl0369 | September 25, 2009 4:42 PM | Report abuse

Dare I say, Sarah Palin?

Posted by: wxdancer | September 25, 2009 4:43 PM | Report abuse

Dane Cook is a good choice.
Beyond that, the many people who are famous for being born rich, the Paris Hilton types.

Posted by: billy8 | September 25, 2009 4:47 PM | Report abuse

Ooooh, I got all the way to the end of the comments thinking I'd get David Caruso in there first! Foiled! The man has ONE MANNERISM, removing or replacing his sunglasses! I absolutely can't watch that show!

Paris Hilton. For sure for sure. I'd even put her over Leno for this dubious honor.

Saw several McConaughey references. The thing that's a bummer about him is once upon a time he actually COULD act. And was in some really fine films--Lone Star, A Time to Kill, Contact, Amistad come to mind. Then around 2002 he just started mailing it in--same goofy beach bum every time. Pity.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | September 25, 2009 4:52 PM | Report abuse

Can I add Chris Farley? And Will Farrell?

Being large, dumb and loud doesn't make one funny. It only makes them a likely candidate for public office.

Posted by: thepearl0369 | September 25, 2009 4:53 PM | Report abuse

Adam Sandler and Miley Cyrus. Neither have ANY talent whatsoever.

Posted by: Alex511 | September 25, 2009 5:08 PM | Report abuse

Keith Olbermann gets my vote. This narcissistic empty suit knows absolutely nothing about football...or politics...and yet NBC has seen fit to make him a football commentator AND the host of a lame, unwatchable political program. Who is he blackmailing at the network?

Posted by: gfm1983 | September 25, 2009 5:27 PM | Report abuse

I can't remember ever seeing any sign of talent from Liz Kelly.

Posted by: Charles_Day@comcast.net | September 25, 2009 5:30 PM | Report abuse

How dare anyone malign Caruso! He is one of the most brilliant deadpan comedians out there. Better than Dane Cook, Sarah Silverman and the others mentioned. I mean, the way he plays an overly-serious cop who confuses sunglasses with gravitas, and who cannot go left (watch it sometimes - it's like a subtle nod to Zoolander)...he's created a way more entertaining character than Dane Cook ever could. Thank god he found that satirical procedural and doesn't try drama.

Posted by: amy12 | September 25, 2009 5:43 PM | Report abuse

Definitely Scarlett Johansson, and that Ginnifer Goodwin bird. Paul Wall. Steve Harvey. Ray Nagin. Miley Cyrus.

Posted by: jollyolympian | September 25, 2009 6:06 PM | Report abuse

Obama. No contest.

Posted by: NoWeCant | September 25, 2009 6:22 PM | Report abuse

Anyone who has ever become famous because of the number of times they have successfully copulated - or even followed through with an egg (or eight) from fertilization to birth - should not have air time to celebrate their fertility with the world.

For the record, Jon and Kate annoy the bejeesus out of me. Octomom would be a travesty if she weren't so mentally ill.

Posted by: lolyla | September 25, 2009 6:54 PM | Report abuse

Sorry Amy! Seriously, I think Caruso has been good in just ONE movie, and that was Proof of Life. He's unrecognizable now from that actor.

Comparisons to Dane Cook are ... apt.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | September 25, 2009 7:03 PM | Report abuse

As a "blue-haired lady" I resent your comment that we are what keeps Leno on the air. I don't watch him, and neither do most of my "blue-haired" friends! As for others who made it despite lack of talent, I can't add to those already listed.

Posted by: indvoter37 | September 25, 2009 7:21 PM | Report abuse

Dane Cook. Hands down the least funny comedian out there.

Posted by: Hillman1 | September 25, 2009 8:01 PM | Report abuse

Madonna. Her only talent is for publicity. Can't sing, can't dance and God knows, can't act. Her Judy Garland grotesque-
grotesqueness makes her a great gay icon, though.

Posted by: chappell1 | September 25, 2009 8:56 PM | Report abuse

Mika Brzezinski, Vanessa Hudgens, Sarah Palin, Paula Abdul, Wolf Blitzer, and Barbara Walters.

Posted by: Antoinette3 | September 25, 2009 9:30 PM | Report abuse

Keanu Reeves. Whenever I see a movie that has him in the leading role, I always have the feeling that I'm watching the guy who got the part after the director's first five choices turned him down. Adam Sandler is way up on the list, too.

Posted by: rashomon | September 25, 2009 11:19 PM | Report abuse

ScarJo is a nice blond, jewish gal with a clever name and a great rack. That's good enough for me. Sarah Silverman is great; to heck with all you haters. Natalie Portman? I liked her work in The Professional -- it's just that was released way back during Clinton's first term. Never met Keanu Reeves but I do see where you are coming from on his stuff. Bad-mouthing Leno, though? Is there some kind of Conan Cabal here at the Post?

Posted by: chris3 | September 25, 2009 11:31 PM | Report abuse

David Caruso -- go watch "Hudson Hawk" and reconsider.

Posted by: CJ11 | September 25, 2009 11:40 PM | Report abuse

j lo-can't sing,can't act,dance a little,nada mas.

Posted by: dandaman606 | September 26, 2009 12:22 AM | Report abuse

Robert Redford is a great director but not a good actor. Same with Clint Eastwood. They play distant, emotionally repressed characters whose range of facial expressions include pensive stares and small upturns/downturns of the corners of their mouths.

In fact, I was at a taping of the Letterman show and he said to Jeff Goldblum (the guest): "What is it about some actors who everyone thinks are really great but who don't really do much when they perform. Like Clint Eastwood - what's the deal with him? " Jeff Goldblum said, " Oh, I disagree, blah blah blah" and then Letterman said, " Are you just saying that because if you don't you'll never work again?"

When I watched the show on TV that part had been edited out (no surprise!)

Posted by: apostate | September 26, 2009 1:51 AM | Report abuse

Maybe not quite the same thing, but the getting the farthest on the least amount of talent might be Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. Not to say that if you hang around long enough you might get lucky and find a comfort zone like Die Hard...

Madonna also comes to mind as a B singer, B dancer B actress but A for self promotion, course, there's something to be said for giving them what they want.

Jessica Simpson I guess has been the blonde du jour, Adam Sandler as the lastest in the Jerry Lewis space-time continuum...

I will defend Jay Leno on one point. A show like the tonight show the guy shouldn't be the latest, edgiest person, he needs to be more like your funny uncle (Part of Johnny Carson's success, funny but accessible, you really could see him showing up at your family reunion) if he expects to be around for a long time. If we expected host turnover every couple years that would be different, but we want something familiar. it's the audience that's conflicted on what it wants Latest, edgiest? or funny uncle?

Posted by: jhtlag1 | September 26, 2009 8:28 AM | Report abuse

Well, I'm amazed that no one has come up with him yet- George W. Bush!

Posted by: justmike | September 26, 2009 8:52 AM | Report abuse

Re: Jennifer Aniston - by the end of Friends all the other characters annoyed the sh-- out of me. On paper, her character should have been the most annoying but I found her to be the most human and sympathetic. For that, I credit her acting. Not that she's done much of note since.

Real no talent - Ryan Seacrest. See Kat Deely for an example of what could be done in a similar job.

Oh and Katie Holmes. Wow that was a bad performance on SYTYCD.

Posted by: Roxie1 | September 26, 2009 11:33 AM | Report abuse

Oh - and Renee Zellweger has done more with her limited talented than I ever thought possible. Seriously, that woman must have an amazing agent. How'd she ever get them to cast her in Chicago and Cold Mountain and Brigitte Jones' Diary? In what universe did the producers think she was the best candidate for each of these roles? Based on her performance in Jerry Maguire?

Posted by: Roxie1 | September 26, 2009 11:37 AM | Report abuse

Julia Roberts gets my vote #s 1-5.
But she does have good hair.

#6 Michelle Obama

Posted by: mirrorgazer | September 26, 2009 11:46 AM | Report abuse

I agree with a lot of the posts, ex. Keanu Reeves, Paris Hilton, Cobra Commander, but the political posts are stupid. Also, Jennifer Hudson? Seriously? That woman can sing her glass off! And who cares if she makes you cringe in Sex in the City? She won the Oscar for Dreamgirls and she was great in it!

Anyway, my #1 vote would have to go to Madonna. I LOVE Madonna, but the chick can't sing worth a ham. I was listening to "Into the Groove" the other day and the chick was so off key, but the song is STILL hot!

Posted by: tootincommon | September 26, 2009 12:48 PM | Report abuse

I'd also like to throw in that non-singing chick on this cotton commercial :-p

Posted by: tootincommon | September 26, 2009 12:50 PM | Report abuse

OOOHHH!! And I SECOND Megan Fox!!

Posted by: tootincommon | September 26, 2009 12:54 PM | Report abuse

Oh come on. Get Real.
The OBVIOUS winner is Rush Limbaugh, followed closely by Glenn Beck.

Talk about EMPTY talent, Cheeze!

Posted by: lufrank1 | September 26, 2009 1:48 PM | Report abuse

Let me third Ryan Seacrest. Not so much because I think he's terrible but because it seems dramatically unfair how his and Brian Dunkleman's careers have gone since season 1 of AI.

Although I am not a Leno fan, I think that your criticism is somewhat unfair. He was a very talented stand up comedian early in his career. He was always fantastic on Letterman back in the day. On the Tonight show he sort of fell into shtick because that's what america wanted. And its very hard to be funny - let alone funny for 30 years.

Also re Keanu (or say Paul Walker): I would argue that being extremely good looking is a type of talent.

Posted by: ZachMorris | September 26, 2009 2:21 PM | Report abuse

He may be all but forgotten by now, but my vote for most untalented celebrity is Bob Saget (Full House, Americas Funniest Videos etc.)Can't figure how he was chosen for one job, let alone others

Posted by: ram3 | September 26, 2009 5:03 PM | Report abuse

Anniston and Sandler. Whatever
talent for comedy Leno exhibited in the early days is gone. The monologue is so obviously read from cue cards/
telepromter. Tired and unfunny.

Posted by: epb7 | September 26, 2009 6:38 PM | Report abuse

@thepearl0369

Thank you so much. You just made my day.

Posted by: karmadrome | September 26, 2009 6:44 PM | Report abuse

Has everyone forgotten the anorexic harpie of the right, Ann Coulter? When did telling obvious lies and being Dick Cheney's wet dream come to qualify as "talent"? Yet the woman is regularly all over the airwaves and her books top the bestseller lists. Yes, being Skeletor's sister has probably got something to do with that, but I mean still...

Posted by: mmonnett1 | September 26, 2009 7:06 PM | Report abuse

In my house, we refer to untalented people who have made it big as "lucky."

Kevin Costner is one lucky guy. So is Tom Cruise. So average, with no real acting ability. Speaking of no acting ability, let's bring in the rat pack: Charlie Sheen and Keifer Sutherland. But at least we know how they got acting jobs.

Posted by: cococo | September 27, 2009 10:01 AM | Report abuse

Kirk Cameron. I never actually would have even thought of this guy, if I hadn't been reminded of him by his new crusade to counter the evil influence of Darwin. What does a no-talent kid do when his acting career is over at 20? Demagoguery.

Posted by: lostinthemiddle | September 27, 2009 10:56 AM | Report abuse

Oooh, mmonnett1 - Ann Coulter. Good one!

Posted by: lolyla | September 27, 2009 10:56 AM | Report abuse

You're basically all a bunch of losers. What have you done? NOTHING. So go ahead and make your snarky comments about celebrities. Tomorrow you'll all still be a bunch of nobodies.

Posted by: bendan2000 | September 27, 2009 7:32 PM | Report abuse

@bendan2000 - Wow, talk about "unclear about the concept." Re-read Quin's post about Madonna (which happens to be the right answer, btw). It's not snark. She's not a great singer or dancer. But, through some good luck and an almost superhuman amount of work and will, she has become one of the most recognizable people on the planet.

And yes, I'm a nobody. I'm pretty ok with that.

Posted by: karmadrome | September 28, 2009 10:05 AM | Report abuse

Ummm - Sarah Palin.

I don't even think the reasons need to be detailed here. They are pretty obvious.

Posted by: topperale | September 28, 2009 2:39 PM | Report abuse

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