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Posted at 7:43 AM ET, 09/16/2009

Kanye West Apology Tour Rolls On; FCC Re-Opens Investigation into Janet Jackson's Wardrobe Malfunction

By Liz Kelly
Wednesday

Headlines: Kanye West personally apologizes to Taylor Swift for VMA mouth malfunction... FCC reopens investigation into Janet Jackson's 2004 Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction... Angelina Jolie visits Ethiopia with daughter Zahara... For Michelle Williams, love is "complicated" now... Michael Douglas and Matt Damon to co-star in Liberace biopic... Tom DeLay injured while rehearsing for "Dancing with the Stars"... Christina Applegate misses her old breasts... British comedian Eddie Izzard runs 43 marathons in 51 days... German promoters may sue Paris Hilton for skipping events... Former chef wins $84 settlement from Simon Cowell.

Pix: Kate Gosselin's new 'do... Linsday Lohan hits fashion week... Madonna wears see-through lace skirt to Marc Jacobs show... James Franco's bizarre photo spread.

Rumor Mill: Jude Law's baby mama shopping pix, exclusive story to highest bidder... Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy hold commitment ceremony... Bruce Willis explodes at fan who had the nerve to touch him... Monkee Davy Jones, 63, marries allegedly abusive 32-year-old Telemundo star.

Say What?
"I'd rather have a rectal examination on live TV by a fellow with cold hands than have a Facebook page." -- George Clooney

"[Kourtney's] huge. She is huuuuge! I think she's in denial of buying maternity clothes, because she just borrows Khloe's clothes." -- Kim Kardashian manages to insult both her sisters with one loaded quote.

Bonus: Kanye West Apology Generator; More Interrupting Kanye fun

By Liz Kelly  | September 16, 2009; 7:43 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Comments

"Michael Douglas and Matt Damon to co-star in Liberace biopic"

This could be fun! Will Liberace's mother & brother be portrayed?

Posted by: jezebel3 | September 16, 2009 7:52 AM | Report abuse

Could we watch that Clooney exam on Facebook?

Posted by: yellojkt | September 16, 2009 8:31 AM | Report abuse

Christina, I miss them too.

I'm digging the Liberace biopic. If only his brother George were in the movie.

I see Naomi Judd is giving Kanye West tips on how to extend tours.

I'm kinda missing the Kate Gosselin peacock 'do. At least now I can tell her apart from Christian Siriano. That's a plus, anyway.

Don't believe Clooney. He's just mad that he can't get his first 25K medal at Bejeweled Blitz. (Well, that and the fact that he keeps taking the "What Facts of Life Character Are You?" quiz and getting "Blair.")

And in no time flat, Davy Jones will once again be singing (join me, won't you?), "Girl. Look. What. You've. Done to Me. Meeee...."

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | September 16, 2009 8:41 AM | Report abuse

Apparently the letters 'FCC' are short for "F***ing Chr*st on a Cracker."

Wacky misunderstanding on Angelina Jolie's trip: daughter wandered off briefly, Angie asked "Where's Zahara?" and someone answered, "about 600 miles east of here."


"Christina Applegate misses her old breasts." Now she knows how we feel.


"German promoters may sue Paris Hilton for skipping events..." Lawsuit, HAH. In the old days, the Germans would have must entered Paris and made life miserable for all the everybody who was already in there.


Simon Cowell says, "Worst. Settlement. EVER."


"Monkee Davy Jones, 63, marries allegedly abusive 32-year-old Telemundo star." Davy's sure she's changed - he is, after all, a daydream believer.


"I'd rather have a rectal examination on live TV by a fellow with cold hands than have a Facebook page." -- George Clooney
And I am suing George for stealing my reality show idea. Way to ruin "George Clooney's Rectal Extravaganza," pal.

Posted by: byoolin1 | September 16, 2009 8:53 AM | Report abuse

er, "would have JUST entered Paris," yadda yadda yadda.

Gott in Himmel!

Posted by: byoolin1 | September 16, 2009 8:54 AM | Report abuse

Davey Jones -- if you are trying to imitate George Clooney, you are doing it really wrong.

"Commitement Ceremony" translated means "If we split up, we don't want to spend a lot of money on lawyers."

Kanye -- couldn't stop his mouth before, can't stop it now. If an entire face can be replaced, surely medical science can find a way to replace Kanye's mouth.

Posted by: epjd | September 16, 2009 8:55 AM | Report abuse

Davey Jones -- if you are trying to imitate George Clooney, you are doing it really wrong.

"Commitement Ceremony" translated means "If we split up, we don't want to spend a lot of money on lawyers."

Kanye -- couldn't stop his mouth before, can't stop it now. If an entire face can be replaced, surely medical science can find a way to replace Kanye's mouth.

Posted by: epjd | September 16, 2009 8:55 AM | Report abuse

byoolin does Blackwell (hmmm, might have to rethink that title):


First line of the E!Online article about Kate G's hair: "Perhaps Kate Gosselin is getting tired of her signature style."

Folks, "shrill harpie" might be her signature style, but it is still *not* a hairstyle.

**

LiLo looks more and more like her mom every day, which is to say, "in her mid-50s and emaciated."

**

That James Franco shaving cream picture reminds me of a song:
Our baby fell out of the window/
You think that its head would be split/
But good luck was with us that morning/
She fell in a big pail of/
Shaving cream, shaving cream/
Shave every day and you'll always look clean.

**

As for Madonna's outfit - we've seen her wear worse to church (although not to the Wailing Wall).

Posted by: byoolin1 | September 16, 2009 9:06 AM | Report abuse

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting Kanye West
Interrupting Kanye West w-
Yo Dorkus, I'm really happy for and I'm gonna let you finish, but byoolin has some of the best jokes of all time.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | September 16, 2009 9:07 AM | Report abuse

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy hold commitment ceremony.

Let's hope they're being committed for treatment of their wacky anti-vaccine delusions.


Tom DeLay injured while rehearsing for "Dancing with the Stars."

And "The Hammer" thought Washington was rough! Maybe Cheryl Burke's actually a Democratic saboteur (saboteuse?) camouflaged in sequins and fringe.


Someone please remind me again just why the Kardashian sisters are famous. I realize their dad was one of OJ's lawyers and their mom's Olympic decathlete Bruce Jenner's ex, but that's not enough. Please.Just.Go.Away.Now.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 16, 2009 9:07 AM | Report abuse

Madonna's hairstyle is weird - like a middle-aged housewife from the 50's. And she looks even older by hanging out with the teenage boyfriend.

Posted by: Amelia5 | September 16, 2009 9:10 AM | Report abuse

Great. Now I have "shaaaaaving cream" running through my head. Thanks, byoolin -- and happy birthday.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | September 16, 2009 9:12 AM | Report abuse

OHHH- play the Kayne West apology generator.

It is hilarious!

Posted by: Amelia5 | September 16, 2009 9:15 AM | Report abuse

Was all prepared to snark on Angie for shlepping her kid to Africa, then read the article. First of all, she took along Shiloh as well, not just Zahara, while Brad stayed home (whatever that term means in Pitt-Jolie-speak) with the other four. But the final paragraph is what really changed my mind:

"Reports suggest Jolie is on the hunt for a property to build a tuberculosis and AIDS clinic in Zahara's name. The Hollywood couple co-founded a similar organization to aid impoverished children - the Maddox Jolie-Pitt Project - after adopting their eight-year-old son Maddox from Cambodia in 2002."
http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2009/09/15/angelina_jolie_takes_her_daughter_on_eth

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 16, 2009 9:17 AM | Report abuse

Thanks for the b-day wishes, td. And enjoy the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSAEownqddg

The tune was written in 1946 and rereleased in 1972, which may explain why I got the lyrics a little bit wrong... 37 years between listens lets errors creep in.

Posted by: byoolin1 | September 16, 2009 9:31 AM | Report abuse

Happy Birthday Byoo. Beaver tails will be served at the Tiki bar in your honor.

Posted by: epjd | September 16, 2009 9:56 AM | Report abuse

Kim Kardashian, way to rock the snark.

Does the FCC really have nothing better to do with its time and money? Really?

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy hold commitment ceremony. Who knew filling out a bunch of intake forms could be such a big deal?

Posted by: northgs | September 16, 2009 10:02 AM | Report abuse

When the Mztr and I were winding down for bed last night, the commercial for Jennifer Aniston's new movie came on. He made a joke that pretty soon we'll be seeing her hooking up with Aaron Eckhart because she seems to get into a relationship with most of her co-stars who play her love interest. It was then that we realized that she was not an actress. She's a betress. She can't act. She actually has to fall for the guy to be able to pretend that she's in love.

Posted by: MzFitz | September 16, 2009 10:09 AM | Report abuse

She can't act. She actually has to fall for the guy to be able to pretend that she's in love.

Posted by: MzFitz | September 16, 2009 10:09 AM
________________________________

Don't knock the method acting. He costars don't seem to be complaining about the fringe benefits.

Posted by: yellojkt | September 16, 2009 10:36 AM | Report abuse

Why do I get the feeling that there is some FCC nerd somewhere saying "Wait a minute, rewind that again, I think I missed something, I want to be sure..."

If the Germans really want her, I think maybe we can arrange for extradition.

Bruce! Carm down. Yes I'm sure it's annoying but threat level is not red yet.

George, not quite what I had in mind, but I can certainly oblige you with your request. Please have your people call my office and I will work you in for your examination.

Posted by: hodie | September 16, 2009 10:43 AM | Report abuse

Happy birthday byoo!

"I'd rather have a rectal examination on live TV by a fellow with cold hands than have a Facebook page."

Spoken like a man who's lost a little too frequently to a guy called 'Mr. Freeze' in "Proctology Wars".

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | September 16, 2009 10:49 AM | Report abuse

"Christina Applegate misses her old breasts."

As someone who just had hers squished in a vice grip this morning, I'm kinda wishing I didn't have any.

Posted by: zn123 | September 16, 2009 10:55 AM | Report abuse

When I was in Jr High, Grandpa took me to see Liberace in concert (Grandma wasn't feeling well). Can I just say that Liberace had the blue haired ladies blushing and giggling at his bawdy jokes? It was really something. And the man could really play the piano.

Posted by: JLRGG | September 16, 2009 11:07 AM | Report abuse

Dancing with the Stars to Pay Tribute to Patrick Swayze:
http://tvwatch.people.com/2009/09/16/dancing-with-the-stars-to-pay-tribute-to-patrick-swayze

"Swayze... made a guest appearance on Dancing’s inaugural U.S. season in 2005, teaching friend and fellow actor John O’Hurley a few dance moves in rehearsal. He also came to the show and supported O’Hurley by attending the season 1 finale..."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 16, 2009 11:36 AM | Report abuse

MDReader here, snarking with my new friend, Kanye West.

FCC reopens investigation into Janet Jackson's 2004 Super Bowl wardrobe mal...[This is Kanye, y'all and I'm really happy for the fantastic performance Janet gave at the MTV Video Music Awards, but really, the greatest investigation ever was the one the FBI did on the Kennedy Assassination.]

Kanye, that was the Warren Commission.

[Sorry, y'all.]

Tom DeLay injured while rehearsing for "Danci...[Yo, with all due respect to "The Hammer," there's only one hammer that I respect and that's MC Hammer. Dude can dance. For real. But nobody holds a candle to me, Kanye West, the greatest dancer of all time, except for Michael, RIP, bro...and leave Janet alone!]

Bruce Willis explodes at fan who had the nerve to tou...[Dude, don't you be exploding at anyone. That's my territory. You can't compete with me and shouldn't even try.]

So Kanye, who looked better at Fashion Week? Madonna or Lind...[You know, neither of them were wearing my Louis Vitton shoe. So what the hell do I care what they had on. They don't look as good as Beyonce, or my girl, Janet.]

Posted by: mdreader01 | September 16, 2009 11:40 AM | Report abuse

Say it ain't so Davey! I'm listening to Daydream Believer right now - I'd hate to think that cute little guy in the funny clothes was getting beat up by a kinda tough looking girl half his age.

Posted by: StuckatWork | September 16, 2009 12:01 PM | Report abuse

Ack! Curse you Byoolin! For the second time in less than a week that dratted shaving cream song is stuck in my head. (My husband is to blame for the first occurrence.)

Posted by: kbockl | September 16, 2009 12:10 PM | Report abuse

Shaving cream...boy that takes me back to my Dr. Demento listening days. What a great earworm!

Posted by: wadejg | September 16, 2009 12:29 PM | Report abuse

byoo, better make sure that's whipped cream on your birthday cake today, and not shaving cream!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 16, 2009 12:32 PM | Report abuse

He made a joke that pretty soon we'll be seeing her hooking up with Aaron Eckhart because she seems to get into a relationship with most of her co-stars who play her love interest. It was then that we realized that she was not an actress. She's a betress. She can't act. She actually has to fall for the guy to be able to pretend that she's in love.

Posted by: MzFitz | September 16, 2009 10:09 AM
___________________________________

What costar besides Vince Vaughn has she "fallen for"? I could be wrong, but I don't recall her being in relationships with David Schwimmer, Owen Wilson, Paul Rudd, Jake Gyllenhaal, Kevin Costner, the Leprechaun, etc. Seriously, what other costar of hers does this apply to? Don't say Gerard Butler please, because that is like two pictures of them together on set. I'm not her #1 fan or anything, but if you're going to make a dumb claim like that just because you don't like her, at least have a couple examples.

Posted by: spret07 | September 16, 2009 2:20 PM | Report abuse

Oh thanks very much, guys. Now I've got "Daydream Believer" in constant loop.

Happy Birthday byoo.

Kanye, we get it, you were drunk, you're sorry. Now STFU.

James Franco...well, I'm just gobsmacked. Starting to get the idea the boy is not entirely "there". Either that or he's trying to pick up the Joaquin Phoenix news cycle.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | September 16, 2009 2:26 PM | Report abuse

Byoo', what did the lovely Missus get you for your birthday?

I take it that she didn't get you an appointment for a digital rectal exam on live televisions by a man with cold hands.

Did she get you Christina Applegate's old boobs.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | September 16, 2009 2:51 PM | Report abuse

Happy Birthday, byoolin.


You go, Michelle Williams -- way to keep on milking the death of your baby daddy. Anyway, I thought she announced to great fanfare (well, okay, maybe not fanfare, more like crickets chirping) that she gave up acting to focus on her child. That didn't last long [enough].

-The Poster Formerly Known as Snarky Squirrel

Posted by: 7900rmc | September 16, 2009 2:52 PM | Report abuse

Shaving cream...boy that takes me back to my Dr. Demento listening days. What a great earworm!

Posted by: wadejg |

------------------------------------------
Fish heads
Fish heads
Rolly-polly fish heads
Fish heads
Fish heads
Eat them up
Yum!

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | September 16, 2009 2:53 PM | Report abuse

Congrats to Eddie Izzard. Amazing feat but I have no idea who you are. I admire your generosity and crazy tenaciousness. Least I can do is an extra lap around the block and a donation to a worthwhile charity in your honor!

Posted by: hodie | September 16, 2009 3:23 PM | Report abuse

Thank you ever so much Sas. Now I have fish heads in shaving cream going through my head.

Posted by: epjd | September 16, 2009 3:27 PM | Report abuse

"Now let me get this straight ",
Put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up
Put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up
Put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up
Put the lime in the coconut, you called your doctor, woke him up.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | September 16, 2009 3:35 PM | Report abuse

Sas and ep, I've always been fond of this B. Kliban classic:

Love to eat them mousies,
Mousies what I love to eat.
Bite they little heads off...
Nibble on they tiny feet.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 16, 2009 3:37 PM | Report abuse

Kliban was a real nut case, with an outrageous sense of humor. Very sad ending.
I used to have all his books. I still occasionally buy the Kliban Christmas cards and wall calendar. Bill Griffith (Zippy) has cited Kliban as a significant influence.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | September 16, 2009 3:45 PM | Report abuse

I already adored Eddie Izzard but now....WOW!

Posted by: sarahabc | September 16, 2009 3:56 PM | Report abuse

Sas, I'd say Lizard Island is not without its share of eccentrics, either :-)

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 16, 2009 3:58 PM | Report abuse

This is hilarious re Jude Law's baby mama:

"The irony of the timing for the interview is not lost on her," the source said. "She will talk openly about her relationship with Jude -- and he's not getting rave reviews" for his behavior. "While Jude has promised to provide for Sophia, Samantha doesn't feel like his behavior towards her was entirely chivalrous," our source said.

"Hamlet" will mark Law's first time on the Broadway stage since his Tony-nominated debut in 1995 in "Indiscretions."

Right. He's not entirely chivalrous. Check. Philandering stanks generally are not.

But she's trying to take the moral high ground here? Tell-all and baby pictures to the highest bidder?

And finally..."Indiscretions". Needs no comment.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | September 16, 2009 4:31 PM | Report abuse

And finally..."Indiscretions". Needs no comment.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat
-----------------------------------------
But some online pix or YouTube videos of them engaged in "indiscretion" would get lots of eyeballs.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | September 16, 2009 5:23 PM | Report abuse

And now that adorable Henry Gibson. Oh, ep, when will it ever end, or at least ease up even a little?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 16, 2009 8:40 PM | Report abuse

Mary Travers of PPM, too. We saw her as a solo act at Wolf Trap some years ago, absolutely magical!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 16, 2009 11:09 PM | Report abuse

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