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Posted at 8:30 AM ET, 09/ 4/2009

Michael Jackson Laid to Rest; Oprah Tells Chris Brown to Get Help

By Liz Kelly
Thursday

Headlines: Elizabeth Taylor, Macaulay Culkin on hand at Michael Jackson burial; Jackson "got what he wanted," says Jack Kevorkian... Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan attend DJ AM memorial... Oprah tells Chris Brown to get help... Demi Moore livid with Perez Hilton for skewering her 15-year-old daughter... Russell Crowe challenges Australian reporter to bike duel... will.i.am wants Miami Dolphins tryout... Mark Wahlberg and wife expecting fourth child.

Pix: Britney Spears's rabbit ear-kini... Victoria Beckham's new Elle cover... Madonna tours Jordan's Petra.

Rumor Mill: Bradley Cooper takes Renee Zellweger home to meet mom and dad... French first lady Carla Bruni to star in new Woody Allen film?... Keanu Reeves to undergo DNA test to disprove woman's paternity claims.

Well Said
"In his case, everything is too big. It is what I refer to as the slobification of America. If you want to dress to feel as though you never got out of bed, then don't get out of bed." -- Fashionisto Tim Gunn critiques Jon Gosselin's style.

Well Written
I have to admit, my first thoughts, as I paged through the images, were of exploitation. How could Vogue have asked a domestic violence victim to be photographed in bondage gear? And how could Rihanna have allowed the magazine to turn her ordeal into a kinky, controversial spread calculated to sell copies? -- Judy Berman muses about Rihanna's Italian Vogue pix (some images NSFW) @ Salon.com

By Liz Kelly  | September 4, 2009; 8:30 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Comments

No, MJ's coffin was placed in an easily accessible mausoleum. Because everyone knows the undead need a place to hide out occassionaly.

Oh well, everything will be fine now. Oprah has spoken.

At half-time. will.i.am can jam with the new owners Gloria Estefan and Jimmy Buffett (thank god the regular season starts Thursday).

Judy Berman why are you surprised that a domestic violence victim is being exploited? Aren't you just using her situation to promote your own opinions on the subject?

Posted by: epjd | September 4, 2009 8:58 AM | Report abuse

So is there a chance Keanu is not The One?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | September 4, 2009 8:58 AM | Report abuse

That DJ AM had a lot of nerve, scheduling his funeral the same day as Michael Jackson's. (On the plus side, with LiLo at DJ's funeral, it made it less likely that something expensive would disappear from MJ's.)


"Demi Moore livid with Perez Hilton for skewering her 15-year-old daughter... " I wouldn't worry, Demi - an average 15-year-old should be able to defend herself against someone like Perez.


"Russell Crowe challenges Australian reporter to bike duel" is, coincidentally, also the plot of Crowe's upcoming remake of Mad Max.


"will.i.am wants Miami Dolphins tryout." Asked about his chances to make the team, Dolphins management said, "he.will.not."

Bradley takes Renee to meet mom: "You had me at 'Mom, I'm dating a fabulously wealty movie star.'"


Tim Gunn criticizing Jon Gosselin's "style" is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel. Well, like shooting *a* fish, a fattish, slightly stoopid-lookin' fish. One who is wearing a barrel.


Next month in Italian Vogue: Chris Brown models brass knuckles.

Posted by: byoolin1 | September 4, 2009 9:18 AM | Report abuse

Dear Madonna, please find a compentent tailor and have your pants altered before you trip over them and break a hip. You are not getting any younger, you know?

Posted by: VaLGaL | September 4, 2009 9:20 AM | Report abuse

ack, "competent". More coffee, please.

Posted by: VaLGaL | September 4, 2009 9:22 AM | Report abuse

I know - "wealty" is not really a word. What Brad's mom *meant*, of course, "wealthy, and she has that weirdly scrunched up face, and what was she in other than Jerry Maguire? Oh, I never saw Bridget Jones' Diary. You know, I liked that girl from Friends, the one who played Phoebe. Oh, it wasn't her? Well, you know how I am with faces, dear."

Posted by: byoolin1 | September 4, 2009 9:23 AM | Report abuse

Now I left out "was."

More coffee, now, please.

Posted by: byoolin1 | September 4, 2009 9:24 AM | Report abuse

How could Italian Vogue have asked an attractive young-20s woman to pose in bondage gear? Kinky sells. How could Rihanna have allowed it? Money changed hands?

I thought Carla Bruni was too old for Woody Allen.

Posted by: northgs | September 4, 2009 9:54 AM | Report abuse

"Elizabeth Taylor, Macaulay Culkin on hand at Michael Jackson burial" -- Well, let's see. The other day Culkin was rumored to be the birth father of Jackons' kids. Today it's Liz Taylor in the news. Hey, you don't think.... nah.

"Oprah tells Chris Brown to get help" -- I doubt she's the first. Odd; she's not usually a follower. Have Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, a.k.a. the self-proclaimed official spokesmen for people of color, weighed in formally?

(And why hasn't Chris Brown learned what the rest of the world has? You do not ever -- ever! -- challenge the Great and Powerful Oprah or she'll eat you faster than a plate of Cross Keys Fried Chicken! Chris had better watch his back.)

"Keanu Reeves to undergo DNA test" -- What, that he's really not a robot; it's just his acting style? Oh, a paternity suit. Well, that should settle both issues.

"Mark Wahlberg and wife expecting fourth child." -- I smell Marky Mark and the NEW Funky Bunch! Now I'm gonna be singing "Good Vibrations" ALL DAY.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | September 4, 2009 9:57 AM | Report abuse

byoolin
Tim Gunn criticizing Jon Gosselin's "style" is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel. Well, like shooting *a* fish, a fattish, slightly stoopid-lookin' fish. One who is wearing a barrel.

I thought he was called a "lame fish."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 10:01 AM | Report abuse

northgs
I thought Carla Bruni was too old for Woody Allen.

Maybe she'll be cast as his love interest's mother.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 10:03 AM | Report abuse

Rihanna ain't got nothin' on Grace Jones, back in the day.

Posted by: kabuki3 | September 4, 2009 10:55 AM | Report abuse

byoo, once again very funny musings on your part. i laughed out loud.
i'm curious, td, why the mention of al sharpton, jesse jackson and fried chicken in response to oprah's chris brown comment? domestic violence aka the beating/murder of a spouse, companion, family member, etc. isn't an african american issue, is it? also, might have been better to select another food than fried chicken.

Posted by: frieda406 | September 4, 2009 11:02 AM | Report abuse

Rihanna ain't got nothin' on ***Tina Turner***, back in the day.

Fixed that for you.

Posted by: yellojkt | September 4, 2009 11:05 AM | Report abuse

I still have dibs on September 5th (day after the next full moon) on the When Will Jacko Actually Get Planted Pool.

Posted by: yellojkt | August 24, 2009 10:25 AM
----------------------------------------
Missed it by THAT much, Chief.

Posted by: yellojkt | September 4, 2009 11:08 AM | Report abuse

frieda406, of course this is not an "African American issue." I only mentioned Jesse and Al because they always seem eager to comment on any issue of any kind that happens to involve a famous African American person, thus (my view) turning the spotlight away from the issue and onto themselves instead.

I only mentioned fried chicken because when Oprah lived in Baltimore, the food court / cafeteria at the Cross Keys shopping center (not far from TV Hill where she worked) made fried chicken for which Oprah herself often proclaimed her undying love. No other meaning was intended. Honest!

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | September 4, 2009 11:18 AM | Report abuse

Sorry, yellojkt, but she's definitely channeling Grace Jones. TT was also hot in the 80's (she's still hot!) and RiRi sure ain't got nothin' on her, but she ain't got nuthin' on Michelle Obama either.

Posted by: kabuki3 | September 4, 2009 11:29 AM | Report abuse

I believe, nosy, it's that he *has* a lame fish.

Posted by: memphis1 | September 4, 2009 11:39 AM | Report abuse

How could Vogue have asked a domestic violence victim to be photographed in bondage gear? -- Judy Berman

Dear Judy,

When a woman dresses as a dominatrix, she's conjuring a situation where the man would be in bondage and she'd be dominating. Hence, the term, Dominatrix. Look it up.

And while I'm not much of an expert on that sort of sexual fetish, I do observe the trends these days. I suggest you, as a reporter, do some research before you begin your commentary. What Rhianna is wearing is no different than what Beyonce or Lady Gaga had been wearing lately. Steampunk. Look that up too.

I am getting so tired of these fake controversies.

Posted by: mdreader01 | September 4, 2009 11:41 AM | Report abuse

Madonna toured Petra.

Actually, she went back to take another crack at choosing the Grail. The one she chose last time is making her age too quickly.

Posted by: mdreader01 | September 4, 2009 11:43 AM | Report abuse

memphis, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 11:47 AM | Report abuse

Victoria Beckham has the worst boob job EVER. I'm surprised Vogue didn't try to airbrush those badly placed chicken cutlets.

Didn't Mark W. & wife have a baby like 5 minutes ago?

Will Britney ever put on clothes?

Why do I doubt this will be "the final goodbye" to Jacko?

Posted by: Californian11 | September 4, 2009 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Californian
Why do I doubt this will be "the final goodbye" to Jacko?

Uh, because there's money to be made.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 12:01 PM | Report abuse

Legendary Detroit Tigers announcer Ernie Harwell has been diagnosed with incurable cancer:
http://www.freep.com/article/20090904/BLOG36/90904009/1050/SPORTS02/Ernie-Harwell-fans-share-stories-online

A big Lizard shout-out to Ernie as well as The Swayze this week, OK?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 12:22 PM | Report abuse

Has everyone left for the long weekend already? Anyone else still here, chained to their computer for the rest of the day?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 1:23 PM | Report abuse

I'm still here and chained to my desk for the rest of the day.

Did anyone else notice during the footage of the Jackson family yesterday that when the camera panned to show the Jackson 3 Blanket raised his funeral program so that his face was completely covered during the entire shot?

The caption on the photo on MSNBC's site said he was reading the program, but I prefer to think that the child was paying tribute to his dad in his own way.

Posted by: TigerLily81 | September 4, 2009 1:37 PM | Report abuse

I'm with you, TigerLily. There's no evidence to suggest that MJ's kids are anything less than terrific young children who must be feeling overwhelmed by events since June 25. Regardless of what Liz' guest AnswerB!tch said re Paris' being fair game because she spoke briefly at the public service for her father, the Jackson 3 are all too young to give legal consent for decisions as to whether to be public figures or not. And considering the extremes to which MJ went to conceal their faces, I'm guessing he would want them to continue being protected.

Any Legal Lizards have insight or info to add?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 1:44 PM | Report abuse

Better late than never - Friday love to The Swayze! You know we're pulling you for, even if it takes some of us until well past noon to post!

Posted by: jaybbub | September 4, 2009 2:19 PM | Report abuse

Excellent analysis mdreader--if I had simply read Judy's bit without looking at the pictures I would have bought at face value that Rhianna was trussed up in "bondage gear" (wish I could remember which recent photo spread I saw that was legitimately so). You are so right--this is dominatrix stuff. Tasteful? Not really, but at least it's on the "right" side of the issue.

Perez Hilton's controversies are occuring closer and closer together. I predict complete implosion in about six weeks.

byoo--LOL on lame fish, barrels and other pale white underbellies.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | September 4, 2009 2:19 PM | Report abuse

I'm wondering if Demi Moore needs a good dose of "carm down, fatty". I mean, she's been pimping her kids out since before they were born (pregnant naked magazine cover, anyone?), at movie premieres and for publicity for her oh-so-wonderful family image. Give me a break. You put 'em in the public eye, this is what you get. I feel bad for the kids, but I blame the parents.

Posted by: jaybbub | September 4, 2009 2:22 PM | Report abuse

jaybbub, I have really mixed feelings on this. Yes, the parents should be more responsible, but no, the children shouldn't be forced to pay the price for their parents' poor judgment.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 2:51 PM | Report abuse

If privacy was truly a concern, the Jackson family needed to take a page out of the Kennedy playbook: hold the grave site service in the dark. Without microphones. Not at the same time as Larry King Live on the East Coast.

Posted by: mdreader01 | September 4, 2009 3:00 PM | Report abuse

mdreader, I'm not sure the Kennedys were aiming for after-dark, but rather the day's events took longer than anticipated. That said, I was actually glad for them that they got to say their final goodbyes in the dusk and that there weren't klieg lights ablaze to turn it into a garish circus.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 3:04 PM | Report abuse

Except the Kennedy Church service was televised and they shoved one of the kids up there to pimp for healthcare. Which is waaay worse than shoving a sobbing girl up there to say she loves her daddy. at least Paris had some inkling of what she was talking about.

Unless the kids are on a tv show/singers/etc. they are off limits. Political and celebrity kids.

Posted by: epjd | September 4, 2009 4:02 PM | Report abuse

ep, the only part I watched was the evening procession/Arlington Cemetery service at the end. The natural dusk was touching.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 4:13 PM | Report abuse

Still here and just wondering out of trivial curiosity, with whom was Demi pregnant when she posed for that infamous cover?

Posted by: Californian11 | September 4, 2009 4:15 PM | Report abuse

Californian, my recollection is that it was Demi's first child.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 4:26 PM | Report abuse

Jackson "got what he wanted," says Jack Kevorkian.

That's what we all get, like it or not, eventually.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 4, 2009 4:30 PM | Report abuse

How could Vogue have asked a domestic violence victim to be photographed in bondage gear? And how travestisohbet.net could Rihanna have allowed the magazine to turn her ordeal into a kinky, controversial spread calculated to sell copies?at least Paris had some inkling of what she was talking about.
Thanks

Posted by: bendecanan | September 5, 2009 10:31 AM | Report abuse

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