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Posted at 11:06 AM ET, 10/ 6/2009

A Dose of Reality: Spencer Pratt's Relationship Advice

By Liz Kelly

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. (AP)

For a guy who says he's barely having sex with his Playboy-posing wife, Spencer Pratt has a lot to say about sex. And not just his own. Nerve.com recently asked the repugnant reality star and self-proclaimed "villain" to answer a few relationship questions. Below, a sampling of some of his most insightful idiotic inscrutable illogical answers:

On why Brangelina may ultimately fail:

"Personally, if I got together with my wife after cheating on my last wife, I'd definitely think my wife is a shady little hussy who could be cheating on me any time."

On how not to pose nude:

"Definitely do not go to the local pizzeria for two months and then take off your clothes and then wonder why you feel guilty about it."

On the best relationship litmus test for men:

"I think every man should have to go through a reality show with their family members, before they have to get married, because that proves that he can handle a marriage."

On how to deal with a friend who disapproves of a relationship choice:

"Obviously, your best friend is trying to secretly bang your boyfriend, or is possibly a lesbian, or possibly just doesn't want you to be happy."

On child-rearing:

"I don't think you should have kids until you're at least a trillionaire. That's how expensive kids are going to be in 2050."

Let's hope for more of the same when Pratt's book -- co-authored with wife Heidi Montag -- is released in November.

By Liz Kelly  | October 6, 2009; 11:06 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities  
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Comments

"Personally, if I got together with my wife after cheating on my last wife, I'd definitely think my wife is a shady little hussy who could be cheating on me any time."

So, the fact that he would then be a male version of shady little hussy is irrelevant?

Posted by: JLRGG | October 6, 2009 11:16 AM | Report abuse

I was wondering how to indentify which of my friends were lesbians. Thanks, Spencer.

Posted by: reddragon1 | October 6, 2009 11:16 AM | Report abuse

And, what do pizzerias have to do w/ getting naked? Why do you suddenly get naked after 2 months? Why not 6 weeks?

Posted by: JLRGG | October 6, 2009 11:17 AM | Report abuse

When I was growing up, my sister was considered "mentally retarded", now it is PC to use the term "intellectually challenged". I think mentally retarded should be saved for the likes of Heincer

Posted by: zn123 | October 6, 2009 11:19 AM | Report abuse

Hopefully the book will contain a matrix that connects pizza, nakedness, lesbians, and shady little hussies of both sexes apparently. It's hard to tell through the idiotic inscrutable illogic.

Posted by: reddragon1 | October 6, 2009 11:25 AM | Report abuse

his point on brangelina is reasonably valid... people establish a pattern - if they had sex with a coworker to destroy an existing relationship/marriage numerous times prior to marrying you (as with my now ex-wife) you can't expect a different behavior. I wish all the 'but i'm different' folks more luck than i had with that trope ;)

Posted by: quintiliusvarus | October 6, 2009 11:25 AM | Report abuse

PS I need to know where Heincer gets its pizza, so I can avoid the place.

Also, the connection between "barely having sex" and getting naked at the pizzeria.

Posted by: reddragon1 | October 6, 2009 11:28 AM | Report abuse

I...I can't even...it's like this solid wall of moronitude through which no reasoned thought can pass.

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | October 6, 2009 11:31 AM | Report abuse

I don't think you should have kids until you're at least a trillionaire. That's how expensive kids are going to be in 2050."

Please don't tell him, because I'm afraid he will change his mind, but a child born today will be 41 in 2050 and most likely no longer on his dime.

Posted by: hodie | October 6, 2009 11:53 AM | Report abuse

his point on brangelina is reasonably valid... people establish a pattern - if they had sex with a coworker to destroy an existing relationship/marriage numerous times prior to marrying you (as with my now ex-wife)...

Posted by: quintiliusvarus | October 6, 2009 11:25 AM
=========
Did your ex-wife work for Letterman?

I don't think you should have kids until you're at least a trillionaire. That's how expensive kids are going to be in 2050."

Please don't tell him, because I'm afraid he will change his mind, but a child born today will be 41 in 2050 and most likely no longer on his dime.

Posted by: hodie | October 6, 2009 11:53 AM
==============
I think the Spence is trying to tell us that it will take close to 50 years for him to become a trillionaire.

Or to come out of the closet.

Whatever...

Posted by: mdreader01 | October 6, 2009 12:06 PM | Report abuse

Did he and Perez Hilton get separated at birth?

Posted by: dablues1 | October 6, 2009 12:27 PM | Report abuse

For that matter, has anyone ever seen Spencer and Perez together?

Hmmmmm.

Posted by: dablues1 | October 6, 2009 12:28 PM | Report abuse

Can someone please remind/enlighten me as to where these people came from and what they did to deserve any attention (hmm, make that warrant any attention)? Is it akin to what was described of Britney - the odd fascination of seeing a train wreck in slow motion?
Every time he opens his mouth, it just gets worse, and worse, and worse.
And these two wrote a BOOK? uh huh.
Red, please share the matrix with us when you read it, are you going to be the sacrificial reader for us? You are too kind. Just remember that we have doctors here on call among the Lizzards who will save you!
Bawlmer, you said it quite succinctly.
And everyone is so funny, it's so great! Thanks.

Posted by: agog1 | October 6, 2009 12:39 PM | Report abuse

So the man is cheating and the mistress is the shady little hussy? Interesting logic.

Spencer dearie, there's a whole lot of reasons for YOU not to procreate, mainly that your gene pool needs a large dose of chlorine. Starting with you.

Posted by: Californian11 | October 6, 2009 12:51 PM | Report abuse

Lack of occupation with, leads to a preoccuptation with.

Anyone who takes advice from ths Prat deserves what they get.

Posted by: epjd | October 6, 2009 12:55 PM | Report abuse

In the above pic, he reminds me of nothing so much as a golden lion tamarin. Except that the lesser primate has better hair, and better sense than to try to string together a sentence in public.

Cali11, thank you - I'll be billing you for a new keyboard due to that gene pool comment.

Posted by: northgs | October 6, 2009 1:50 PM | Report abuse

Hodie:

Please don't tell him, because I'm afraid he will change his mind, but a child born today will be 41 in 2050 and most likely no longer on his dime.
----------------
I don't know...I'm not sure I can visualize a child produced by those two ever supporting itself.

--Kevin

Posted by: KevFromArlington | October 6, 2009 1:58 PM | Report abuse

why do you give this idiot any kind of pub? hopefully, if we ignore him, he will eventually go away.......please go away spencer.......you are a joke.....

Posted by: natman19 | October 6, 2009 2:17 PM | Report abuse

There's one thing dumber than Spencer, and that's Heidi's alleged intent to stop using contraception without telling him, because she supposedly wants to get pregnant and become a "young mother" even if it's against the father's will. Sheesh!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | October 6, 2009 2:34 PM | Report abuse

I was wondering how to indentify which of my friends were lesbians.

Posted by: reddragon1 | October 6, 2009 11:16 AM | Report abuse

The strap-on in the nightstand is a big clue.....

Posted by: jezebel3 | October 6, 2009 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Spencer Pratt is the kind of person who would take "Green side up!" as serious gardening advice.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 6, 2009 5:16 PM | Report abuse

Lost trillions, does that count? A long story that goes back a long way. It started during the Civil War and then last year it got crazier. This year it got more dangerous too. Now there was interest due on the trillions, so the kids will just need to get by on the interest. Privacy is still a nice fishing spot which is a luxury.

Posted by: Dermitt | October 6, 2009 6:23 PM | Report abuse

He reminds me of SNL's (Deep Thoughts by)Jack Handey

Posted by: molsonmich | October 7, 2009 8:52 AM | Report abuse

Except Deep Thoughts was funny & occasionally deep.

Posted by: wadejg | October 7, 2009 9:12 AM | Report abuse

thanks for sharing


http://www.craigspr.org

Posted by: craigspr | October 11, 2009 1:27 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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