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Posted at 9:30 AM ET, 10/15/2009

Jessica Simpson Gets Apology for NFL Ad Mocking Her Weight; Avril Lavigne Divorcing

By Liz Kelly
Thursday

Headlines: Fox and Burger King apologize for calling Jessica Simpson fat in animated ad... Avril Lavigne files for divorce from Sum 41's Deryck Whibley (who, by the way, isn't dead)... Lindsay Lohan claims she's not to blame for fashion show disaster... Madonna says she's not comfortable with her kids living in different homes... Singer Leona Lewis punched in the head at London book signing... Maria Shriver apologizes for cell-phone driving... Julia Roberts's mother recovering from heart surgery... Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen launching line of sunglasses (Nooooo!)... Rush Limbaugh dropped by group looking to buy St. Louis Rams... Fergie to become part owner of Miami Dolphins... Captain Lou Albano dead at 76 | In Memoriam... Brooks Brothers to sell "Mad Men"-inspired suits.

Crime Watch: Howard K. Stern gave Anna Nicole Smith drug injections, testifies bodyguard; not true, says Stern's lawyer... Lawyer says Roman Polanski would agree to house arrest... Paramedic says John Travolta's lawyer offered him $15M to keep quiet about Jett's death.

Pix: George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis walk the "Fantastic Mr. Fox" red carpet in London... Do we like Pam Anderson better this way?*... "Battlestar Galactica's" Tricia Helfer and Grace Park heat up Maxim cover (NSFW).

Video: Why yes, that is Ben Stiller playing "Fast Eddie" in this 1987 "Miami Vice" episode:

Rumor Mill: "Jon and Kate Plus 8" to end in mid-November?... Lamar Odom holding firm on pre-nup demands... Jamie Kennedy ready to split from Jennifer Love Hewitt?... A-Rod flies to Miami for one night with Kate Hudson... Kara DioGuardi sleep eats, claims Paula Abdul.

Not News: DNA tests prove Keanu Reeves is not father of Canadian woman's kids... Larry Birkhead won't appear on "Millionaire Matchmaker".

Say What?
"I'm going to adopt some of Brad Pitt's kids. I owe him a few." -- George Clooney, when asked if he sees children in his future.

"Have you ever heard me play guitar? I'm really [expletive] good. You know what I'm bad at? Answering questions about public health care. This is not in my wheelhouse. Do you have any questions about music?" -- Jon Mayer, when asked about the health care debate by a New York magazine reporter.

Chat Day: Join me at 2 p.m. ET for this week's Celebritology Live. Then, stick around as we start the discussion of season 3 in The "Lost" Hour at 3 p.m. ET.

* A little context for Pam.

By Liz Kelly  | October 15, 2009; 9:30 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Twits: Donnie Wahlberg, Rainn Wilson, Melissa Rivers (VIDEO)

Comments

"Do we like Pam Anderson better this way?"

Um, no, actually we really don't like her ANY way. Except in the we-don't-have-to-look-at-or-think-about-her way. Then we're pretty good.

Posted by: jaybbub | October 15, 2009 9:52 AM | Report abuse

I am still trying to figure who Leona Lewis is and why someone would want to punch her. Surely there are other singers who deserve a smack in the mouth more than she.

Of course Lindsey denies all responsibility for the fashion show disaster. There is only one disaster she is responsible for -- her life.

I knew Keanu Reeves didn't father those kids. It would have meant someone had sex with him.


Posted by: epjd | October 15, 2009 9:58 AM | Report abuse

"Fox and Burger King apologize for calling Jessica Simpson fat in animated ad." Now all we need is for BK to apologize for its part in making America fat. The jury is still out on whether Fox made America fat-headed or whether it was a pre-existing condition.


Sum 41's Deryck Whibley isn't dead: also, he's no Paul McCartney, and Sum 41 isn't the Beatles.


Madonna's kids say they're not comfortable with her banging someone who isn't old enough to be their babysitter.


"Singer Leona Lewis punched in the head at London book signing." A drunken Liam Gallagher later apologized, saying, "I mistook her for Noel."


"Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen launching line of sunglasses" - because women need $500 shades that make them look like Brett Somers from the old "Match Game."


"Rush Limbaugh dropped by group looking to buy St. Louis Rams..." He could get them uppers and downers, but no 'roids.


A good reporter would have followed his first question by asking John Mayer to play a guitar solo about the health care debate.

Posted by: byoolin1 | October 15, 2009 9:58 AM | Report abuse

I really like that John Mayer quote. And that reporter was clearly not well-versed in what JM is good at.

Posted by: jcm4 | October 15, 2009 9:59 AM | Report abuse

Brett Somers: http://tinyurl.com/ygxl86k

Posted by: byoolin1 | October 15, 2009 10:01 AM | Report abuse

I've seen more realistic airbrushing in Ralph Lauren ads than that Maxim cover. They look like the cover to a Dirty Pair manga.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 15, 2009 10:06 AM | Report abuse

I'd really like to meet the guy who designed those Cylons.


Jamie Kennedy ready to split from Jennifer Love Hewitt?... Don't do it Jamie, JLH is the best thing you've done since Malibu's Most Wanted (granted that did set the bar pretty low).

Kara DioGuardi sleep eats, claims Paula Abdul.
-Which wouldn't have been so bad except that it kind of got in the way of Paula being able to drink and pop pills in peace.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | October 15, 2009 10:12 AM | Report abuse

I like the John Mayer quote, if only more celebrities recognized they aren't experts on everything (or anything for that matter).

Posted by: jes11 | October 15, 2009 10:23 AM | Report abuse

I like humor, but that ad about Jessica was not funny.

I just have to wonder how the men who probably wrote it would feel if someone made an ad talking about small pee pees.

Just saying.

Posted by: supersonic2 | October 15, 2009 10:27 AM | Report abuse

Brooks Brothers to sell "Mad Men"-inspired suits. Proof that everything retro is new again. But at least it's good retro, unlike any potential MK+A Olsen sunglass line.

Rush Limbaugh sacked.

All right, Dolphins, let's get it started! The defense definitely needs some boom boom POW. And if the endzone victory dances suddenly have a little more flair, we'll know why.

Of course Roman Polanski would agree to house arrest: given who his friends are, the party would simply come to him. Roman, man up. You're going to the Big House, not your house.

Props to John Mayer for not spouting off just because someone offered him a forum.

Supersonic2, I haven't seen the JSimp Fox/BK ad, but I have to agree with you.

Posted by: northgs | October 15, 2009 10:48 AM | Report abuse

first they blamed romo's crappy play on jessica being in the stands... now he's still crappy - so what do they do? make fun of her because she's put on weight.

I dont really get it. She's a bit of an airhead - but she's not really hurting anyone. Erectile Disfunction jokes about Jerry Jones would be as pertinent.

And Burger King? 'We didnt have any control over editorial content'? lol... pathetic. Starting with BK's brand manager and going all the way down - everyone involved in this one should be told to 'clean out their lockers, they've been cut'.

Posted by: quintiliusvarus | October 15, 2009 10:49 AM | Report abuse

I would love to have a suit with a leather jacket, trooper boots and a bandoleer of shotgun gun shells.

Oh, a Mad Man suit, not a Mad Max suit.

Nevermind.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 15, 2009 10:52 AM | Report abuse

The Pamela Anderson pix: Talk about ridden hard and put away wet. The swimsuit isn't in such great shape either.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 15, 2009 10:58 AM | Report abuse

I'm not a fan of Jessica Simpson, but man, that ad was bad. I mean, not even amusing. And I don't mean not amusing because they were mocking her weight fluctuations. I mean, not amusing because it wasn't amusing. If I were to compare it to the old chicken joke, it would have been "why did the chicken cross the road?" and the punchline would be "because it was fat." stupid.

Posted by: cakewench | October 15, 2009 11:00 AM | Report abuse

I like the John Mayer quote, if only more celebrities recognized they aren't experts on everything (or anything for that matter).

Posted by: jes11 | October 15, 2009 10:23 AM | Report abuse

Ja.

Posted by: jezebel3 | October 15, 2009 11:01 AM | Report abuse

Lawyer says Roman Polanski would agree to house arrest.

WTF does Polanski think he is, anyway? Aung Sung Suu Kyi? Next thing you know, he'll be expecting a Nobel Peace Prize, too.


Rush Limbaugh dropped by group looking to buy St. Louis Rams.

How about drop-kicked?


Kara DioGuardi sleep eats, claims Paula Abdul.

And she knows this HOW?


Maria Shriver apologizes for cell-phone driving.

Cæsar's wife, and all that.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | October 15, 2009 11:27 AM | Report abuse

"Brooks Brothers to sell "Mad Men"-inspired suits." -- I would totally wear one if 1) I had a spare $998 and 2) I had a 34" waist. (No and, um, no.)

Brett Somers: Thanks for the memory, byoolin. In her honor I am now drawing on a 5 X 8 index card and hoping what I'm writing is funnier than what Richard Dawson, Fannie Flagg and/or Joyce Bulifant are writing on their index cards.

Perhaps Lizard Island can host a Celebritology Match Game 2009 with Liz Kelly in the Gene Rayburn role. You, Sas, mdreader01, hodie, reddragon1, Nosy, epjd, Dorkus and the rest of us regular lizards could rotate out as panelists and/or contestants. (It'd be hilarious, though likely only we'd think it'd be funny.)

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | October 15, 2009 11:47 AM | Report abuse

Lindsey Lohan is irresponsible?

Does Polanski get a baby sitter while on house arrest?

Posted by: kabuki3 | October 15, 2009 11:51 AM | Report abuse

I like how in that Miami Vice video, Ben Stiller grows taller from the time he's talking to the customer to when he's behind the counter looking at both Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas eye-to-eye. Now THAT'S a good director.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | October 15, 2009 12:05 PM | Report abuse

"Have you ever heard me play guitar? I'm really [expletive] good. You know what I'm bad at? Answering questions about public health care." Jon Mayer

- At least he has an excuse. I'm still waiting for Glenn Beck's.

"Lindsay Lohan claims she's not to blame for fashion show disaster..."

- "Wardrobe malfunction" as an excuse is already taken.

"Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen launching line of sunglasses."

- How very 'Carrie Donovan meets Mr. Magoo.'

"Avril Lavigne files for divorce from Sum 41's Deryck Whibley"

- How sad is it that I thought she was divorcing that guy from Blink 182? I can't keep these numbered bands straight.

Posted by: mdreader01 | October 15, 2009 12:08 PM | Report abuse

I had to find out from Reliable Source that J Lo and her cadaver were in DC? Here's my favorite quote:

"With education you are as equal as the next guy," said [Marc] Anthony, who's involved in Latino education.

And now I have to worry about Latino education, which is apparently less equal than the next education.

Posted by: kbockl | October 15, 2009 12:35 PM | Report abuse

The Caution tape on old Pammy is a good idea. I think it should be added to the wardrobes of all celebuskanks.

So how many broken engagements does JLH have now? I lost track.

Good stuff in the UK Daily Mail today ... LOL!

Posted by: Californian11 | October 15, 2009 12:45 PM | Report abuse

Hooray, td! I would love to play! When we're done with MatchGame, we can play To Tell the Truth. No one knows our faces so we could have a great game. Will the real Sasquatch please stand up? I will be so disappointed if he's not really 7ft tall and in need of a good electrolysist (is that the term?).

Posted by: hodie | October 15, 2009 1:01 PM | Report abuse

I'm still waiting for Maury Povich to make the official pronouncement on the issue of Keanu Reeves paternity. Until we see pap pictures of Reeves, wearing this, I'm not persuaded:

http://www.zazzle.com/4_golf_guy_6_maury_i_am_not_the_father_tshirt-235837987099797308

I think that Pamela Anderson needs to wear the Caution tape a little higher.

I prefer the look of Jessica Simpson with a few extra pounds to that of the Olsen Twins look of Tricia Helfer and Grace Park.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 15, 2009 1:01 PM | Report abuse

I will be so disappointed if he's not really 7ft tall and in need of a good electrolysist (is that the term?).

Posted by: hodie | October 15, 2009 1:01 PM
-------------------------------------------
Keep that needle away from me, Dr. Hodie!

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 15, 2009 1:12 PM | Report abuse

Keep that needle away from me, Dr. Hodie!

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 15, 2009 1:12 PM | Report abuse

This will only hurt a little bit.....

Posted by: hodie | October 15, 2009 1:59 PM | Report abuse

Keep that needle away from me, Dr. Hodie!

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 15, 2009 1:12 PM | Report abuse

This will only hurt a little bit.....

Posted by: hodie | October 15, 2009 1:59 PM | Report abuse

There may be some slight discomfort. You may feel a small amount of pressure.

Posted by: jezebel3 | October 15, 2009 2:13 PM | Report abuse

This will only hurt a little bit.....

Posted by: hodie | October 15, 2009 1:59 PM
--------------------------------------------

But will you still respect me afterward?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 15, 2009 4:13 PM | Report abuse

"Still"?

Posted by: byoolin1 | October 15, 2009 6:12 PM | Report abuse

Needle, meet prick.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 15, 2009 10:36 PM | Report abuse

i don't know...

Posted by: serfranzetto | October 16, 2009 6:51 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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