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Posted at 8:32 AM ET, 10/26/2009

Paul Haggis renounces Scientology; Jacko speaks to sis LaToya from beyond the grave

By Liz Kelly

Dana Delaney wears the wrong outfit to the 20th Anniversary Environmental Media Awards Sunday in Los Angeles. (AP)
Monday

Headlines: Director Paul Haggis ("Crash") renounces Church of Scientology after 35 years... Madonna returns to Malawi to break ground for new school... Michael Jackson speaks to her from beyond the grave, says sister LaToya... Brad Pitt falls off his motorcycle after run-in with paparazzo... Sean Penn heads to Cuba to research Vanity Fair story... Andrew Lloyd Webber battling prostate cancer... Morrissey recovering after collapsing on stage... Courtney Love moves to New York to escape "bogus raids" by off-duty cops... Ivanka Trump marries... Martha Stewart makes list of celebs strippers would like to see do a pole dance... Jon and Kate Gosselin due in court today for contempt case... Ex-girlfriend sues Tom Sizemore for child support.

Pix: Nine-year-old Noah Cyrus's horrifying Halloween costume.

Crime Watch: Justin Timberlake granted restraining order against fan... Kanye West's paparazzi battery case dismissed.

Video: Chris Farley resurrected in tacky TV ad.

Rumor Mill: Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper split?... John Mayer romancing Rashida Jones?... Jude Law's baby mama sells pix of one-month-old for $300K... Lindsay Lohan's Ungaro job not a paying gig?... Amy Winehouse and ex "remarry" on Facebook... Levi Johnston hopes for pre-holiday release for Playgirl spread... Jude Law flouts non-smoking law at New York club.

By Liz Kelly  | October 26, 2009; 8:32 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Comments

"Amy Winehouse and ex 'remarry' on Facebook" -- Just one more thing I hate about the ever-changing Facebook, that durn "Add as Spouse" app. Between that and joining the "Yes, I Know Who Rashida Jones Is" and "Levi Keep Your Pants On" FB groups, I'm just drained, I tell you. DRAINED.

"Andrew Lloyd Webber battling prostate cancer" -- And respect for Sir Andrew's condition will keep me from suggesting songs for the musical version.

"Martha Stewart makes list of celebs strippers would like to see do a pole dance" -- Please tell me Martha's not on that list. I beg you. Watching her cook with Dennis Franz on her Christmas special years ago was nauseating enough.

"Michael Jackson speaks to her from beyond the grave, says sister LaToya." -- Hey! Toya! It's me, Michael. Listen, I need you to do me a favor. I need you to stop Prince from using all those good ideas God is sending him.

"Jon and Kate Gosselin due in court today for contempt case" -- Open and shut case. They're contemptible, all right. Though it'd be worth it just to hear Kate say, argue with the judge (if it's a man).

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | October 26, 2009 8:51 AM | Report abuse

Bradley Cooper: "I am too much beard for one woman."

Posted by: yellojkt | October 26, 2009 9:14 AM | Report abuse

I can't see Noah Cyrus's halloween costume - what is it and what's the matter with it??

That Jude Law just keeps getting classier and classier.

Maybe Dana's boots are fake? And besides, there are too many snakes(?) and enviromentalists agree that a few more boots won't hurt anything...maybe.

Posted by: VaLGaL | October 26, 2009 9:17 AM | Report abuse

Based on Paul Haggis' letter, we should soon hear the $cientologists claim that he was forced out or that he did lots of bad things whilst a memeber and is now just mad a the organization...hmmm...maybe Travolta can make a run for the door while the Sea Org focuses on trashign Haggis??

Posted by: Amelia5 | October 26, 2009 9:24 AM | Report abuse

Martha Stewart stripping. It's a good thing.


Why am I not surprised to see the words Courtney Love and tons of viruses in the same sentence. Oh wait, they were talking about her computer.


I'm sorry, I laugh at the Chris Farley commercial. Is it too soon?


So apparently Paul Haggis can still think for himself. Now please explain Crash.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | October 26, 2009 9:29 AM | Report abuse

Anyone having trouble getting the links to load? Why I want to see Noah Cyrus' costume is anyone's guess, but I'd like to read more than page 1 of the Paul Haggis/Scientology story.

Posted by: mat00 | October 26, 2009 9:30 AM | Report abuse

Oh, mercy. I just saw it. That'll teach me.

Posted by: mat00 | October 26, 2009 9:32 AM | Report abuse

ValGal - he's in drag as a tarted up 9 year old girl. Would be horrifying enough on a girl. On a boy it's a bit mind-boggling.

Can't read the Haggis letter. It's throwing up some error.

Posted by: Roxie1 | October 26, 2009 9:48 AM | Report abuse

mat100, it ain't good. I saw it last night on dlisted.com and was, well, horrified.

There's so much badness out there this morning! Celebrity crazy is like the gift that keeps on giving.

Posted by: jaybbub | October 26, 2009 9:52 AM | Report abuse

Can't read the Haggis letter. It's throwing up some error.

Posted by: Roxie1 |
-------------------------------
Those Scientologist hackers have mad DDOS skilz.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 26, 2009 9:57 AM | Report abuse

Noah Cyrus -- you mean there are MORE of them????

Dana, Dana, Dana, what were you thinking?

I think they meant "celeb they would most like to see remove the pole from her ..."

Wait Ivanka got married without a huge negagement announcement, tons of pre-wedding photos, a baby on the way (or already here), rumors of cheating and breaking up? Well, she just isn't a celebrity now is she?

Speaking of non-celebs -- can Levi Johnston go away now? All he did was knock up a teen age girl. Go to any high school, you can find lots of Levis.

Posted by: epjd | October 26, 2009 9:59 AM | Report abuse

ValGal - he's in drag as a tarted up 9 year old girl. Would be horrifying enough on a girl. On a boy it's a bit mind-boggling.-Roxie1

Uhh, Roxie, I hate to tell you this, but Noah is a female.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | October 26, 2009 10:01 AM | Report abuse

"Uhh, Roxie, I hate to tell you this, but Noah is a female."

---

Holy crap, really?

I thought it was a boy, and his costume was that he was going as his sister, and that was the joke.

You're saying that Noah is a girl, and is basically just going as a skank?

Posted by: VTDuffman | October 26, 2009 10:08 AM | Report abuse

Noah Cyrus is just doing a make-up test for the new season of Jake Dakota where he is a normal tweener by day and a cross-dressing glam rocker by night.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 26, 2009 10:11 AM | Report abuse

Don't call him Jacko. Just don't. Show some respect.

Posted by: asoders22 | October 26, 2009 10:14 AM | Report abuse

I clearly need to bone up on my Cyrus kids.

Uh, that didn't quite come out right.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 26, 2009 10:18 AM | Report abuse

Don't call him Jacko. Just don't. Show some respect.

Posted by: asoders22 |
_______________________________________

I would if he deserved some respect. (Sorry for feeding the troll.)

Posted by: yellojkt | October 26, 2009 10:25 AM | Report abuse

Actually I am somehow more ok with the idea of a 9 yr old boy cross dressing than with the idea of a 9 yr old girl dressing like a hooker...sign o the times?

Posted by: VaLGaL | October 26, 2009 10:37 AM | Report abuse

Wonder what Britney's kids are dressing as for this halloween? A cigarette and a prozac tablet?

Posted by: VaLGaL | October 26, 2009 10:38 AM | Report abuse

Basically, the Cyrus child's costume is very similar to Ms. Delaney's, except with solid black boots and a way shorter skirt. And some purple sparkly fabric. Preteen girl *or* boy, it's horrible.

But not as horrible as the thought of Levi Johnston in a Christmas stocking.

Perhaps Martha has been keeping in touch with her friends from jail?

What TD said about Jon and Kate.

Posted by: northgs | October 26, 2009 10:39 AM | Report abuse

Yup, Noah is the sister. Who lets their 9 year old wear that...oh yeah..the Cyrus clan. I mean, come on, the Dad is trying to get Miley back on Twitter.

Posted by: Vienna8425 | October 26, 2009 11:01 AM | Report abuse

So is Noah a boy or a girl? The name has me thrown for a loop. Either way it is creepy.

Posted by: StuckatWork | October 26, 2009 11:03 AM | Report abuse

I clearly need to bone up on my Cyrus kids.

Uh, that didn't quite come out right.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 26, 2009 10:18 AM | Report abuse

Eew! yellojkt! Might have to press that report abuse button. LOL!

Valgal, I agree. What are the parents thinking?! Oh, I know. Cha-ching. A new show on Disney.


Posted by: hodie | October 26, 2009 11:16 AM | Report abuse

Even though I have Scottish ancestory, I never thought I'd admit I like Haggis!

So, did Brad Pitt get his inspiration from Wild Hogs or what?

Posted by: hodie | October 26, 2009 11:25 AM | Report abuse

Scientology will rue this news. After all, a day without Haggis is like a day without sunshine, if Scotland's Haggis Marketing Board is to be believed.


Michael Jackson speaks from beyond the grave: he will not rest until his nose is buried with him.


Pitt, he fall? Pitiful.


Sean Penn heads to Cuba to give Limbaugh and Hannity another week's worth of calling him a Commie.


TD might respect Sir Andrew's "condition," but I know he's going to be in line with me for tickets to "Now Cough," debuting in 2010.


Good idea, Courtney Love: if there's any place on earth synonymous with clean & by-the-book cops, it's NYC.


Martha, pole dance? First she'd have to clear off all that crap she just glued and wired to it.


"Jon and Kate Gosselin due in court today for contempt case." Think it will all fit in just one case?


"John Mayer romancing Rashida Jones?" You say "romancing," we say "roofie-ing."


"Jude Law's baby mama sells pix of one-month-old for $300K." It's a sick world when you get more for the pictures than you would for the actual baby.


"Levi Johnston hopes for pre-holiday release for Playgirl spread." Just what the world needs: more tacky balls for its Christmas tree.

Posted by: byoolin1 | October 26, 2009 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Dana's knees and thighs look kinda funky, however, I would still eat at the Y

Posted by: osh123 | October 26, 2009 12:24 PM | Report abuse

LiLo, if you want a paying gig, apparently all you have to do is have Jude Law's baby.

Maybe Bradley Cooper tried to feed Renee something, so she had to break up w/ him.

Martha Stewart, how low you've sunk.

Noah? A girl? Really?

"9 yr old girl dressing like a hooker...sign o the times" ... considering his/her older sister is all of 16 and pole dances, I'd say in that family, yes.

Posted by: Californian11 | October 26, 2009 12:38 PM | Report abuse

"TD might respect Sir Andrew's 'condition,' but I know he's going to be in line with me for tickets to 'Now Cough,' debuting in 2010." -- byoolin1

HEY NOW. Well . . . OK, I would. I'm seeing Sir Andrew (Mike Myers) on a table with Nurse Sarah Brightman (Sarah Brightman) leaning over him, singing:

"Think of me, think of me fondly
Count backwards from ten
Won't feel a thing, the surg'ry goes quickly
You will wake again."

Followed by Sir Andrew himself:

"Touch me, it's so easy to leave me
All alone on a gurney, it's so hard being men
If you touch me, please understand what happiness is
Let my prostate live again"

Lights dim. Next scene: Dr. Patti LuPone (Patti LuPone) appears in scrubs:

"It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how you'll feel
That you'll still need some rest after all that I've done."

From there it's a blur of twelve dancing cancer survivors ("A-a-a-andrew, you're gonna get well") and paparazzi ("What's the buzz, tell me what's-a happening").

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | October 26, 2009 12:43 PM | Report abuse

Paul haggis denounces Scientology for making him feel like a sheep's stomach.

Is Sean Penn doing a Cuban cigar story for Vanity Fair?

So Time Sizemore is a deadbeat dad. Uhhh, lady, since he's also a substance abuser and general @sshat, you're surprised that he's not paying child support?

If I see Martha Stewart holding onto a pole on Metro Rail, I'm going to use the emergency intercom.

Based on the content in upcoming issue of Playgirl, I'm going to specify Wranglers as my holiday gift of choice so Ms Snatchquatch won't make a mistake.

Perhaps Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber can write a sequel titled The Protate of the Opera, in which a longtime denizen of a theater secretly woos a young actress, but can't bear to tell her about his the side effects of his prostatectomy. The hearbroken denizen is befriended by the theater manager, Buckaroo Banzai, who also happens to be a proctologist. Buckaroo prescribes the famous little blue pill, which enables to lonely denizen to successfully woo his sweetheart and live tumescently ever after....

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 26, 2009 1:06 PM | Report abuse

Of course Amy and Blake are getting back together.

It's for the sake of the twins.

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-10-26/amy-winehouse-proudly-shows-off-front-assets/

Posted by: dablues1 | October 26, 2009 2:49 PM | Report abuse

Not being familiar with the Cyrus family beyond the mullet guy and miley, my reaction to that picture was "What an odd name for a girl."

What 9-year-old doesn't want to dress up like a 'ho for halloween? sheesh.

Posted by: dablues1 | October 26, 2009 2:51 PM | Report abuse

"What an odd name for a girl." Indeed; right up there with girls named Michael, James, Riley, and Brody Jo, and boys named Sparrow and Satchel.

Posted by: Californian11 | October 26, 2009 3:09 PM | Report abuse

Californian11 I couldn't agree more with you on the girls named Michael. I've met two of them. Likewise with girls named Kyle (and no not as in Kylee).

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | October 26, 2009 3:25 PM | Report abuse

Well I'd never heard Noah as a girl's name before and tarted up preteens hardly seemed like a news item - but that's what I get for assuming. Poor kid. She's gonna get harsh critiques from so many different directions.

Posted by: Roxie1 | October 26, 2009 3:33 PM | Report abuse

Please, could some philosopher tell me what kind of world we live in that allows morons (like Cyrus's) to become famous, and other morons (like us) to waste our time paying attention to them?

Posted by: justmike | October 26, 2009 3:49 PM | Report abuse

Where is Liz? My afternoon is not complete without the afternoon In Dept Analysis of some issue of Great (celebrity) Importance. Did I miss something?

Posted by: agog1 | October 26, 2009 4:29 PM | Report abuse

Make that 'In Depth'

Posted by: agog1 | October 26, 2009 4:30 PM | Report abuse

Per Jude Law's baby mama:

You know, for a young woman who wanted to stay out of the spotlight, she does seem to enjoy being in it.

And if she's soliciting tabloids, then that should impact whatever child support she gets. If she's planning on peddling baby pictures and her story for as long as the tabs will milk it, that's income.

Posted by: Chasmosaur1 | October 26, 2009 4:40 PM | Report abuse

Girls named Michael? Really? What a shame. Michaela is one of my favorite girls' names (and that preference pre-dates Dr. Quinn).

Good for Paul Haggis. Not only bailing on them but doing it in a loud and noticeable way.

The Cyrus family seems committed to reassuring their base: see, even with money, we're trailer trash just like you.

Whatever movie is requiring that hideous beard on Brad Pitt--Please WRAP already!

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | October 26, 2009 4:44 PM | Report abuse

Hear hear, cat. David Beckham does absolutely nothing for me, but he's also sporting some fugly facial hair.

Michaela is indeed beautiful. For a girl.

More girls named boys' names: Ryan and Dale. As in, Ryan and Dale Haddon.

Posted by: Californian11 | October 26, 2009 6:11 PM | Report abuse

So, did Paul Haggis renounce (as noted in column) scientology or denounce (as noted in homepage headline) it? They're kinda two different things...

Posted by: beegrace123 | October 26, 2009 11:01 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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